


The Dewey Decimal System is Not That Hard

by MusicLurv



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: But Nothing Too Bad, Clexa from start to finish, F/F, Librarian AU, NO DEATH, No Angst, all fluff, that got carried away, with just a few stressful parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 69
Words: 281,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8470348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLurv/pseuds/MusicLurv
Summary: Lexa was just doing her job, trying to write a book at the same time. Clarke was just trying to get through school and become a doctor. They had probably crossed paths hundreds of times. But two papers, a thesis proposal, and lab work brings them together.The Librarian AU that got really carried away.





	1. Life's Like a Jump Rope

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! If you read my other work "The Letter," then you may have read my comment about posting a longer fic in the near future. Well, here it is! I already have quite a lot written for this piece (well over 100,000 words), and I've been slowly feeding it to a friend of mine. She seems to really like it, so we'll see how it does on here. I'll probably post a chapter or two every week.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments below!

"Well that's just bull and you know it," Clarke said into her cellphone. She had it wedged between her shoulder and cheek as she struggled with unlocking her apartment door. Sure, if she put down the grocery bags and her backpack, she could get through her door a lot easier. But where was the challenge in that?

She heard Raven huff on the other end of the call. "Would you just accept defeat? There is honestly no way that you can do it all in one weekend."

"Ha! Challenge accepted," Clarke declared as she finally pushed her front door open. She dropped her keys on the table in the entryway.

Raven sighed. "What all do you have to get done this weekend?"

"Two papers, a proposal for my senior thesis, and some lab work. No problem. I'll definitely be there." Clarke shuffled into the kitchen to drop off the grocery bags before walking to her bedroom to deposit her backpack. She grabbed her cell with her now free hand.

"And just when are you actually going to get any of that done if you come out with us tonight? I know I'm usually all for living it up, but you're going to end up killing yourself, Clarke." Raven's tone was pushing on exasperated, and Clarke knew she was going to win this argument.

"Hey, I've already finished the grocery shopping, and I have one of my papers started. It'll be a piece of cake." She paused, trying to come up with a way to placate her best friend. "Look, I'll spend all day tomorrow and Sunday in the library. Fair?"

Raven was silent for a moment, clearly thinking it through. "Fine. I'll be by the apartment in twenty to pick you up. Make sure you're ready."

Clarke did a happy dance as she started putting up their groceries. "Thanks, Rae! Tell O that I'll see her soon."

Raven grumbled something that sort of sounded like a confirmation before she hung up. Clarke knew Raven wanted her to come out for her birthday celebrations, even if she did try to push her to stay home for the evening. Sure, she cared about getting her work done for school, but honestly, how often did your best friend turn twenty-two?

When Clarke finished putting away the groceries she hurriedly went to her bedroom to pick out an outfit for the night. She needed something comfortable, as she was sure they'd be hitting at least a few bars and clubs throughout the night.

She was just applying finishing touches to her makeup when Raven came through their front door. "You really don't have to come," she yelled from the front of the apartment while making her way back to Clarke's room.

"Yes I do. It's your birthday and we're all going out. Are you ready?" Clarke asked, turning around to look her friend up and down. Black jeans, gray shirt, red leather jacket. The leg brace didn't detract at all from how good she looked.

Raven nodded. "Ready when you are, princess."

Clarke pointed at her threateningly. "Don't call me that." She walked out of the bathroom, brushing past a laughing Raven.

"It'll never die, Clarke!"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she grumbled, grabbing her purse and pulling Raven out the door for a night on the town.

* * *

 

"No."

"Lex, come on."

"I said no. I have too much to do."

Anya looked at her, eyebrow raised in skepticism. "And what, exactly, do you have to do?"

Lexa looked up at her older sister from the couch she was comfortably perched on. "None of your business." She turned her attention back to her laptop, trying to focus on what she was writing.

"You can write later." Anya pushed Lexa's laptop closed abruptly, flattening Lexa's hands between the screen and the keyboard. Lexa glared at her sister.

"That was unnecessary."

"Totally necessary. Now get your ass up and get ready. We're going out." Anya plopped down on the couch next to Lexa, throwing her legs up on the coffee table in the process.

"I said I didn't want to go out. I have too much to do," Lexa looked at her watch, noting the time. "It's already getting late, anyway. Can't we go out some other time?"

"Nope," Anya said, popping the 'p'. "Gotta be tonight. I want to go out, and you've been cooping yourself up in here for far too long. We're going."

"I do not coop myself up in here. I go out every day," Lexa grumbled, placing her laptop on the coffee table and standing up. She stretched and heard a satisfying pop in her back.

"Going to work every day does not qualify as going out. You need a life, Lex." Anya looked up at her from her place on the couch. Lexa met her gaze, glaring at her sister's persistence.

With a huff, Lexa conceded. "Fine." She crossed her arms across her chest. "But only for a few hours. Then I really need to get back to writing." She paused, thinking. "And I'd rather not be dead on my feet at work tomorrow," she added as an afterthought, moving to walk to her bedroom to get ready.

Anya waved her off, hiding her excitement well. "Fine, fine. We'll have you home by midnight, grandma."

Lexa walked away to her bedroom, flipping her sister off over her shoulder. Anya's only response was a laugh.

* * *

 

The bar was actually relatively quiet for a Friday night. Clarke and her friends were all gathered in a booth, drinks in hand.

Raven smacked the balloons that were hovering obnoxiously by her head. "Didn't I say no balloons?"

Octavia laughed beside her girlfriend, giving her a loud, wet kiss on the cheek. She may have been a bit past tipsy at this point. Raven tried to glare at the brunette, but failed miserably. She was totally whipped.

"But babe, it's your birthday," Octavia said, throwing her arm around her girlfriend. "We gotta celebrate it in the right way!" She squeezed Raven into her side. "And that means balloons and drinks and presents and..." she trailed off, clearly thinking a bit too hard for something else. "And... Dancing!" she yelled excitedly, slipping out of the booth and pulling Raven along with her.

Clarke laughed at her best friends as Octavia pulled Raven to the dance floor. There were some other people dancing to the music playing, but it definitely wasn't a huge crowd.

"Uhm..." Bellamy cleared his throat, nudging Clarke's arm. She looked over at the dark haired boy, giving him her attention. "Do you maybe want to..."

"Clarke! Get out here and help me get Raven moving!" Octavia yelled from the dance floor. Raven stood their awkwardly as Octavia danced around her. Clarke scooted out of the booth, shooting Bellamy an apologetic look.

"Your sister beckons," she said before moving toward her friends. Both she and Octavia took one of Raven's arms each, pulling her deeper onto the dance floor. And with both Clarke and Octavia pushing her to dance stupidly with them, she didn't stand a chance.

* * *

 

Lexa sat at the bar, watching the three friends dancing ridiculously together. Well, more like watching the blonde dance ridiculously. She chuckled when the blonde and brunette both started twirling under the Latina's arms.

She was snapped out of watching them by her sister smacking her arm.

"What?" she asked, rubbing her now sore arm.

Anya looked over her sister's shoulder, eyeing the group that had so entranced the younger woman. "Which one ya lookin' at?" she asked, trying to figure out for herself.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lexa deflected, taking a sip of her drink. Jack and coke wasn't original at all, but she didn't want to get too tipsy. She did still want to finish her chapter tonight.

"Uh-huh." Anya eyed her sister before looking the group over again. "It's the blonde," she said definitively, going back to her drink.

Lexa looked at her sister, surprised. "Wha- no- I mean-" She quickly chugged the rest of her drink.

Anya stood from her stool, placing her drink on the napkin the bartender had given her. "I'm gonna go talk to them."

Lexa quickly grabbed her sister's arm, dragging her back to her stool. "Anya, no. Sit down"

"Lex, come on. Live a little." Anya struggled with her sister's grip, but the alcohol was getting to her and her fight was weak. "Lexa..." she whined.

"No. I let you drag me out tonight, but I'm not letting you make a fool out of me. Now sit down." Lexa's voice was firm, and Anya knew not to argue with her when she got like that.

Anya sat back down, picking up her drink. "You're so boring," she said, taking another sip of her drink.

Lexa rolled her eyes before pushing her glass away. "Boring and ready to go. Finish your drink."

"We've only been here an hour, though," Anya complained, though she did finish her drink quickly.

"And you've still managed to drink two cosmos and three shots. I think we've had enough." Lexa stood from her stool, pulling her sister along with her. She signaled to the bartender to close their tab for the night. He nodded and quickly rang them up before giving Lexa her credit card back. "Ready?" she asked Anya.

"No," Anya grumbled dejectedly.

"Too bad. Let's go," Lexa led Anya out of the bar and in the direction of their apartment.

After a few moments walking in silence Anya mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" Lexa asked, looking over her shoulder at her sister.

Anya sighed. "I said you need to get laid."

Lexa stopped walking, turning fully to face her sister. "I-- I do not!" she yelled angrily.

Anya smirked at her, fully aware of her sister's discomfort. "You totally do. You should have let me go talk to that girl."

Lexa shook her head, dumbfounded by her sister's audacity. Really, she should be used to it by now. Anya had no qualms about being upfront with Lexa, and she wasn't shy in the least when it came to sexual topics. Lexa, however, would rather keep that part of her life to herself as much as possible.

"You're ridiculous," Lexa mumbled, turning away from her sister and continuing to walk to their apartment a few blocks away. Maybe Lexa should have let her sister talk to the girl. Or maybe Lexa should have just gone and talked to her. But then again, it was highly unlikely that she'd ever see the blonde again anyway, so what was the point?


	2. This is My Kingdom Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has now learned the hard way that getting up after a night of partying just to go do school work is not a fun time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than the last, but the next chapter will hopefully be up later this week.

"Oww," Clarke groaned, grabbing her head as she tried to sit up in her bed. She flopped back down when she realized it just wasn't happening right now.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Raven said from her place in the doorway. Clarke would have glared at the smirk she knew was on her friend's face if she could have opened her eyes without the pain in her head doubling.

Instead of giving any sort of verbal reply, Clarke just moaned a bit and flipped her friend off.

Raven laughed. "While I would usually love making a girl moan in the morning, I don't particularly care for your attitude, Griffin." She sighed. "And here I was, bringing you water and aspirin. Maybe I'll just take them and..." she trailed off as Clarke reached out toward her, grasping at the open air in front of her.

"Wait, no. I love you and you're my favorite person ever." The blonde still had her eyes closed, but she kept her hands in the air. "Please?" she asked with a pout.

"Oh, you know I can't withstand the Griffin pout." Raven walked over to Clarke and pressed the glass of water in one hand while dropping the pills into the other. Clarke smiled weakly at her after finally opening her eyes to squint at her friend. She sat up to take the offered pills.

After she popped the pills and chugged the glass of water, she flopped back down onto her bed. "Thanks," she mumbled. Raven took the now empty glass from her and put it on the bedside table. She climbed into the bed next to Clarke and lay down beside her.

"You gonna actually get up and face the day?" Raven asked gently, keeping her voice lower than she normally would. While she didn't mind torturing her best friend, she also knew how grumpy a hungover Clarke could be.

"No," Clarke grumbled, turning onto her side away from Raven and pulling Raven's arm around her. Raven complied, spooning Clarke. Cuddling wasn't that uncommon between the two; Octavia was definitely more of a cuddlier than Raven.

"What about those two papers, thesis and lab work you said you'd get done this weekend?"

"Don't wanna," Clarke mumbled again. Raven chuckled at her grumpy friend. She knew this was going to happen, which is why she tried to dissuade her from going out with them the previous night.

"Alright, Griff," Raven said, extracting her arm from around Clarke. She smacked Clarke on the ass before standing up. "You accepted the challenge, now it's time to face it. Get up, get a shower, and get that cute little ass of yours to the library. You have work to do."

Clarke honest to god growled while burrowing deeper into her blankets and pillows. She had made a rather decent nest on her bed made of multiple pillows and loads of fluffy blankets, and she was hell bent on staying in it for as long as possible.

"Don't make me get Octavia in here," Raven threatened, now in the doorway of Clarke's room again.

"She'd have to get up and drive over here to do that. Which I doubt she'd want to do."

"Get your ass up!" Octavia yelled from the living room. Clarke peaked out of her blankets to see Raven leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and smirk firmly on her face. She raised an eyebrow at the blonde.

"You were saying?" Raven asked, smug.

"She'd still have to get up," Clarke argued.

"And if she does, she's going to be pissed and you're going to be in more pain than you're in now," Octavia called from the living room. Her voice was somewhat muffled, which let Clarke know she was probably smashing her face into one of their throw pillows.

"So?" Raven asked, still smirking at the disheveled blonde. Clarke knew she'd lose this battle.

With a defeated sigh, Clarke literally rolled out of bed, her knees hitting the hardwood floor beside her bed. She placed her face against the mattress, groaning. "But why...?" Clarke whined, trying to prolong actually standing up for as long as possible.

"Education, Clarke. A future. You're the one who decided to become a doctor," Raven said with a shrug before walking out the door and toward the living room. "Get a shower," she called. "You'll feel better."

After a few more moments whining to herself and trying to find the motivation to stand, Clarke pushed herself to her feet and stumbled to the bathroom. A nice, long, hot shower was definitely needed.

* * *

 

When Clarke finally climbed out of the shower, well after the water started to cool down, she slowly towel dried her body. She may have to get working on her assignments, but that didn't mean she wouldn't take her time getting to it.

She had just wrapped the towel around her body when the bathroom door cracked open. Raven's pushed her hand through the crack, offering a mug of steaming coffee.

"You're an angel," Clarke said, quickly pulling the mug from her hand. She deeply inhaled the sweet, slightly bitter smell before taking a small sip.

"Yeah, yeah. You're lucky I love you," Raven said before Clarke heard her limping away from the door. Her leg must be bothering her more than usual for her limp to be that prominent. Clarke would have to ask her about it later, and maybe offer a massage for how nice she's been this morning. "Breakfast is waiting, too." Raven's voice was further away, but Clarke heard her clearly. With the promise of greasy bacon and pancakes (their go-to hangover food), Clarke quickly made her way to her room and threw some clothes on. Nothing fancy; she wanted to be comfortable when she left for the library.

Octavia was already sitting at the breakfast table when Clarke shuffled in the room. She had her elbows on the table and her head in her hands. Her nose was only inches from the cup of coffee Raven had placed there for her, and she was steadily inhaling the scent.

"Glad to know I'm not the only one," Clarke grumbled, going over to the stove to pile some pancakes and bacon on a plate for herself. She sat down opposite Octavia at the table, Raven sitting between them, happy as could be. "How are you perfectly fine this morning?"

Raven shrugged, taking a swift drink from her orange juice. "Unlike the two of you, I didn't drink myself into a stupor last night. Only had a couple drinks at each bar, and loads of water. You'd think by now that you two would know better than to start heavy and end heavy." She laughed as Octavia's head jerked, clearly having fallen asleep at the table.

"Shut up..." Octavia grumbled, sitting up in her seat and grasping at her fork. "'M tired."

"Not surprised, babe." Raven smirked at Clarke. "Though, unlike some of us, you can go back to sleep after breakfast."

Clarke stuck her tongue out at Raven before she stuffed another bite of pancakes into her mouth. "Don't be a jerk," she said around a mouthful of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Raven countered. Clarke glared at Raven and swallowed her food. She opened her mouth wide, tongue stuck out, to show that her mouth was now empty. Raven rolled her eyes at her. "Real mature."

Clarke grinned cheekily before taking another bite of food. They continued eating in silence, Raven happy as could be, Octavia glaring at anything and everything, and Clarke dreading her workload for the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it? Hate it? Leave me a comment!
> 
> Come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you feel like it!


	3. Oh I'm a Mess Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you really, really don't expect to see someone again. Especially not the day after you very clearly avoided talking to them in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's coming a day early. I think I'm going to try to update Tuesdays and Fridays usually, but that will vary as to how much I get finished where I'm at in the story (if that makes sense). Once I've finished writing the whole thing, I may start posting a lot more frequently, so keep your eyes out for that. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!

Anya was glaring. Lexa could feel it from the kitchen without even looking into the living room. But really, it wasn't her fault.

After five minutes with Anya still sprawled on the couch glaring at her, Lexa finally looked over. She rolled her eyes at her sister. "Get over it."

Anya continued to glare.

"Anya, stop."

More glaring.

"Anya."

Still more.

Instead of saying anything else, Lexa glared right back. She knew they were both stubborn enough to continue this all day, but she wasn't going to lie back and let her sister blame her for her hangover. She tried to warn her the night before. Tried to get her to stop. She even made them leave early. But did Anya stop there? Of course not. She had to come home and dig into the wine they had in the fridge as well. By the time Lexa had finished her chapter at three in the morning, Anya had finished the bottle and was passed out on the couch.

"I hate you," Anya stated, still glaring.

"It's your own fault," Lexa replied, matching glare for glare. It was childish, and they were both grown adults who could deal with their own problems. But it was so easy to fall into the sibling bickering that they had grown up with. And really, it was better than the physical fights they used to get into.

When Anya continued to glare, Lexa rolled her eyes and turned back to the stove. She was trying to cook breakfast for them before she had to head into work, but Anya was being her stubborn self and wasn't helping at all. She should be used to it by now. Anya rarely helped with cooking ever. But it would be nice to have a hand when she was catering to Anya's hangover-hunger.

"Come get your damn pancakes. The bacon's in the oven," Lexa grumbled, flipping the last batch of pancakes onto the plate where the rest of them were piled high. Did she need to make a dozen pancakes? No. Would Anya eat a dozen pancakes? Definitely. Lexa quickly pulled a couple onto a plate for herself before Anya could get into the kitchen and take them all. She pulled a couple pieces of bacon from the oven and made her way over to the dining table. Her coffee was there waiting for her - black with just a bit of sugar to help with the bitterness. Just like their father used to take it.

Anya stumbled into the kitchen, grabbing a plate and filling it with food. When she sat at the table, Lexa noted the six pancakes and multiple pieces of bacon, as well as her own cup of coffee. They both took it the same, so it was easy to prepare in the morning.

They ate in silence, Anya glaring at Lexa every couple of minutes. Lexa dutifully ignored her sister, instead choosing to read a news article on her phone. It was the same as almost every other morning, barring the hangover. Lexa was used to the silence, and she welcomed it.

By the time Anya had finished her second plate of pancakes, Lexa had already started cleaning up the kitchen. She was piling dishes into the sink when Anya slid up next to her nudging her shoulder softly with her own.

"I got the dishes," she said quietly. Lexa nodded. It was the only apology she was going to get, but she welcomed it. Anya was stubborn, but so was Lexa, and she understood that having a hangover wasn't fun. Anya didn't actually blame her, and this was her way of saying that.

Lexa walked back to her room to get ready for work, leaving Anya with the dishes.

After a quick shower, Lexa dressed in her usual work attire. When she walked out to the living room of their apartment, she found Anya sitting on the couch, another cup of coffee in her hand, surfing through Netflix.

Anya looked over at Lexa as she walked to the door. "Have a good day," she mumbled, raising her mug in a sort of salute.

"See you for dinner," Lexa responded, small smile playing at her lips at her sister's lasting grumpiness. She picked up her backpack and headed out the door.

* * *

 

It was pushing noon when Lexa saw her stumbling in the library doors, blonde hair tied in a messy bun, sunglasses perched on her head, torn skinny jeans, loose top, and overfull backpack. By all standards, she was rather disheveled.

Lexa couldn't look away.

She was sitting at the front desk of the library when the blonde had ambled in. Well, more like tripped in. The girl was fumbling with something in her backpack while trying to keep her travel mug from spilling in her other hand. She had a pen between her teeth, and a phone pressed between her ear and shoulder.

Finally, the girl pulled out a notepad triumphantly. She cheered, and the pen fell out of her mouth onto the floor. Lexa couldn't hold back the chuckle at the confused and defeated look that spread across the girl's features as she stared down at the pen. After a moment of dejectedly staring at it as if it had offended her, the girl leaned down and grabbed it with the hand holding her notebook.

When she straightened back up, her eyes locked with Lexa's.

_Keep it cool, Lexa_. She tried to act uninterested as the girl made her way toward the front desk, talking quietly into her phone. After she had placed her notepad and pen on the desk, she quickly wrote down a couple of book titles before pulling the phone away from her ear and hanging up.

"Sorry about that." Oh no. Her voice was perfect. Gentle, calming, angelic... Lexa didn't stand a chance.

So she just nodded.

_Smooth_.

The girl looked at Lexa for a moment, as if waiting for a verbal response. When she didn't get one, she continued. "Okay, I need a few books. I'm not that great with finding them myself, and I was wondering if you could help me out." She turned the notebook so Lexa could see what she had written.

Lexa closed her laptop on the desk and stood up to see the list more clearly. Without saying a word, she pulled the notebook down onto her desk and searched for the books in the library system.

After a few moments, the girl started rocking back and forth on her heels. Lexa would have thought she was becoming impatient were it not for her soft humming that soon followed. Lexa couldn't help looking up at her again.

When their eyes connected the girl immediately froze and stopped humming, a soft blush crossing her cheeks. "Sorry," she whispered.

Lexa didn't find it annoying at all, and she wanted to tell the girl so, but apparently her brain to mouth connection wasn't working. So she just went back to searching for the books the girl needed.

When she had found all the books and wrote down their locations on a sticky note, Lexa placed the notebook back on the top of the desk for the girl to get and stood up. The girl watched her in confusion.

Lexa tilted her head, indicating that the girl should follow her as she headed toward the medical section of the library. The girl followed dutifully behind after shoving her notebook back into her backpack and grabbing her travel mug.

Lexa quickly collected the books the girl needed once they found the section she was looking for. She handed them off to her, one by one when she found them, placing them in her arms without thinking much of it. After the final book, Lexa looked over at the girl to find her struggling with trying to balance all of the books and her mug.

"Shit. Sorry," Lexa said hurriedly as she rushed over to the girl to gather the books back into her arms. In hindsight, giving someone who looked to be barely holding everything she was already carrying another half dozen books to carry was not a good idea.

The girl smiled at her, relieved at not having to carry the books anymore. "So she does speak."

"Uh..." Lexa started, looking down and shuffling the books in her arms. "Yes, I do," she mumbled.

The blonde smiled brighter. "Do you mind helping me bring those to a table?" Lexa shook her head, still staring at the floor. "Alright then. We'll go over here?" the girl asked, indicating an empty table in the direction that they came from, not far from the medical section. Lexa nodded and followed the girl as she made her way toward the table.

When they got to the table, Lexa quickly put the books down and turned to walk back to the front desk.

"I'm Clarke, by the way," the blonde, Clarke, said. Lexa stopped and turned to face Clarke as she started unpacking her computer and notebooks from her backpack.

"Lexa," Lexa responded. She took a deep breath. "I'll be over there," she pointed toward the front desk, "if you need anything." Clarke nodded enthusiastically before pulling her seat out and plopping down heavily. Overwhelmed with how ridiculously adorable Clarke was as she slumped slightly in her chair, Lexa quickly turned and made her way back to the front desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to leave a comment below if you loved/hated/like/tolerated it. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, if you have any sorts of scenes you'd love to see between these two dorks, let me know and I'll try to fit it in somewhere.


	4. You're the Cream in my Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's a useless lesbian and Clarke draws on a cup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter, but I promise we're going to be getting to longer ones soon.

**Clarke (12:03 PM): Oh no**

**Raven (12:05 PM): What happened this time?**

**Clarke (12:05 PM): I don't need your sass.**

**Clarke (12:06 PM): Don't make me text O instead.**

**Raven (12:08 PM): She's right here anyway. And she wants to know what happened.**

**Clarke (12:09 PM): Fine. So there's a girl...**

**Raven (12:09 PM): Isn't there always?**

**Clarke (12:10 PM): Rae!**

**Raven (12:12 PM): Siiighhh... Okay, so there's a girl?**

**Raven (12:17 PM): You can't just leave me hanging like that**

**Raven (12:25 PM): Clarke Griffin if you do not answer me I swear to god...**

**Clarke (12:26 PM): Uh-huh. Now you're interested**

**Raven (12:27 PM): I'm always interested in your love life**

**Clarke (12:27 PM): Who said anything about love?**

**Raven (12:28 PM): ...**

**Raven (12:29 PM): So you said there's a girl.**

**Clarke (12:31 PM): Yes.**

**Raven (12:32 PM): Are you going to make me beg?**

**Clarke (12:34 PM): No. I guess not.**

**Clarke (12:24 PM): So there's a girl and she's super hot**

**Raven (12:25 PM): Of course she is**

**Clarke (12:26 PM): Raven.........**

**Octavia (12:27 PM): Raven has officially been taken off gossip duty. So there's a super hot girl?**

**Clarke (12:28 PM): Thank god. Yes, there's a super hot girl and she's working at the front desk and she helped me find all my books.**

**Octavia (12:29 PM): Did you talk to her?**

**Clarke (12:30 PM): Obviously if she helped me find my books. Not that she talked to me much**

**Raven (12:31 PM): Get her number**

**Clarke (12:32 PM): I thought you were off gossip duty**

**Octavia (12:33 PM): She is. I just took her phone away. But I have to agree. Get her number**

**Clarke (12:34 PM): I don't even know if she's interested**

**Octavia (12:35 PM): Only one way to find out**

**Octavia (12:41 PM): I'm taking your silence to mean that you know I'm right. Now get that cute ass of yours up there and woman up.**

**Clarke (12:44 PM): We'll see.**

Clarke put down her phone and tried to concentrate on her paper. The cursor was still blinking on the blank document.

She put her head in her hands and groaned. This was not going as well as she had hoped. But she couldn't really be blamed. She wasn't expecting a hot librarian to be present to distract her.

Clarke chanced a glance up to the front desk. Lexa was typing away at her laptop, apparently none the wiser to Clarke's predicament.

With a sigh, Clarke ran her hands up and through her hair before letting them drop onto her keyboard. _Focus, Griffin. Get the work done, reward yourself with the hot librarian_. She cringed at her own thought. _Not like that, Griff_.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Clarke opened one of the many medical books that Lexa had helped her get and got to work.

(Needless to say, she kept taking short breaks every few minutes to peak at Lexa.)

* * *

 

Lexa looked over at the blonde again. She seemed to be hard at work now that she had put her phone down, with earbuds in and bopping away to some music. Her eyes were trained on the book beside her laptop, her fingers tapping at the keys. Lexa looked away and back at her own computer screen. Getting caught ogling the hot blonde was not in her plans for the day.

(Though her eyes did continue to stray over to Clarke every few minutes.)

Lexa tried to focus on the chapter she was working on, but it was all for naught. She wasn't going to get any more writing done today and she was well aware of the fact. So she closed her laptop and slid it back into her backpack in defeat. Pulling out a book instead, she decided to pass some of her time at work reading. What better place to read than in a library, anyway?

Over three hours passed without any interruptions, and Lexa found herself engrossed in the book she was reading. The world of underwater creatures had pulled her in once again, and she was happily ignoring the world around her.

Until someone cleared their throat in front of her desk.

Lexa looked up, ready to help whoever was disturbing her as quickly as possible so she could get back to her book. But, when she met blue eyes, her glare froze before it could fully form.

"Uhm, hi." Clarke pushed some hair that had fallen from her bun behind her ear. "Do you mind keeping an eye on my stuff? I was going to run and grab a refill real quick." She held up her travel mug and pointed over her shoulder to outside the library. There was a small coffee shop set up right outside the library proper for students who needed to take a break from studying.

Lexa nodded, expecting Clarke to turn and walk away without further ado. When Clarke didn't move, Lexa raised her eyebrow in question.

"I was just wondering," she started, but paused to pull her lip between her teeth, chewing on it nervously. _Don't do that. You're already attractive enough._ Lexa found herself staring at Clarke's lips as the blonde released her lip from her teeth and took in a deep breath. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Cocoa?"

Lexa stared at Clarke as she fidgeted with her travel mug. _Why was she so nervous to ask that?_ Lexa thought to herself. "Sure," Lexa responded. "A black coffee with just a little sugar would be great."

Clarke nodded, smiling briefly before turning away from the front desk and heading out the front doors. Lexa watched her retreat, still slightly confused by the blonde's nervousness.

When Clarke returned a few minutes later (it admittedly took her a bit longer than Lexa was expecting) and dropped off a paper cup of coffee on Lexa's desk, Lexa barely had time to mumble out a quick "Thank you" before Clarke was tripping back over to her table and burying her head back in her books. Lexa watched her go, confusion etched on her features.

Lexa forced herself to stop trying to analyze the situation and get back to reading her book. She put her cup of coffee down on the coaster that was always on the desk and opened her book to where she left off.

And if she didn't know any better, she could have sworn that she saw Clarke glancing her way every once in a while.

It wasn't until almost nine that night that she realized why Clarke had been so nervous. The other girl had left a little over half an hour ago, and Lexa was getting ready to close the library for the evening. As she was cleaning up her stuff that she had sprawled across the front desk during her shift, Lexa picked up her now long empty coffee cup. There, scrawled in loopy script just under the cup sleeve, was Clarke's signature next to a little arrow pointing up.

Lexa pulled the sleeve of the cup down and off the cup. She couldn't contain her gasp when she saw the intricate landscape that Clarke had drawn her.

(Lexa brought the cup home and put it in a place of honor on her bookshelf.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, leave some kudos or comments if you liked it! And let me know if there's anything you'd like to see in future chapters. I'm getting toward the end of this story where I'm writing now, but I have no problem with throwing in some filler chapters along the way.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> Come find me @musiclurv on tumblr!


	5. Oh, I Get by With a Little Help From My Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's embarrassed. Octavia and Raven and the unofficial-official truth sayers of their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was ridiculously sick the tail end of last week, which is why this is the first update you're getting since early last week. I'm hoping to get two more out this week to make up for it, but it all depends on how much work takes over. You'll at least be getting one more at the end of the week.

Clarke had basically sprinted out of the library an hour before it closed. Lexa either hadn't seen her drawing, or she thought it was ridiculous and ignored it completely.

Either way, Clarke was too nervous to stick around and try to find out.

So she left after hastily piling up the books Lexa had helped her find and bringing them up to the front desk. She'd need the same books the next day, but she was sure she'd be able to find them herself after Lexa had shown her where they were.

On the drive back to her apartment, Clarke couldn't help letting her mind drift to the brunette. She thought about how her hair had kept falling in her face as she tried to read. How she would hastily push it back behind her ear without looking up from her book. She thought about how Lexa would chew on her bottom lip and frown slightly while reading. And how she curled up slightly in her chair after a few hours of no one coming into the library. And how adorable she looked, curled up in her chair, chewing on her lip, completely immersed in whatever book she was reading.

Clarke pulled into her parking space with a sigh, wondering if she'd see Lexa the next day.

Her mental wanderings were abruptly brought to a halt when she pushed the door to her apartment open and a pillow hit her straight in the face. Clarke stared dumbly at the pillow where it had landed on the floor before looking up to see Raven a few yards away, frozen after having thrown the pillow. Octavia was looking over her shoulder at Clarke from a couple of feet away.

"Do I even want to know?" Clarke asked, bending over and picking up the pillow.

Raven relaxed her pose while Octavia turned to fully face Clarke in the doorway.

Octavia shrugged. "Probably not, no."

Clarke walked into the apartment, brushing past her friends to make her way to her bedroom to drop off her things. "Fair enough. Just tell me you two didn't break anything."

The silence that followed was not promising.

"Raven..." Clarke said warningly. If she had broken another lamp...

"Uhm, no. Nothing broken, per say..." When Clarke returned from her room she found Raven guiltily twiddling with her fingers, looking anywhere but at her roommate.

"Raven." Clarke hoped that her stern tone would get her a straight answer. But, of course, her hopes were placed far too high.

"Is it really broken if I can fix it?" Raven asked, glancing up at Clarke through her eyelashes.

Clarke rubbed at the forming headache in her forehead. "How much will it cost to fix 'it'?"

"Fifty, max." Raven moved to pull Clarke into a hug, smiling as innocently as possible. "But it'll be better than ever. Promise."

"That sounds familiar." Clarke crossed her arms, still stuck in her friend's embrace. "So what did you break?"

"The microwave...?" It definitely sounded more like a question than a statement, and Clarke could hear the blatant hesitance in Raven's words.

"Is that all?" Clarke asked, hoping against hope that for once she wouldn't be disappointed in the answer.

"Uh..."

"Octavia, what else did you two break?" Clarke was done playing this game. She just wanted answers.

Octavia had moved to sit on one of the stools at the island in the kitchen. She was resolutely not looking at Clarke or her girlfriend who was still wrapped around their best friend.

"Would one of you just tell me what else I'm going to need to replace?"

"Hey! I said I could fix it!" Raven declared, seemingly insulted.

Clarke sighed and broke out of Raven's hold to move into the kitchen and look around for any missing appliances. She saw the empty space where the microwave used to sit on the counter and rolled her eyes before looking around the rest of the counter space. The first sweep she didn't notice anything amiss.

But the second...

"Where the hell is the coffee maker?"

"Uh, about that..." Raven had inched her way into the kitchen behind Clarke.

"Please, for the love of god, tell me you did not break the coffee maker," Clarke groaned. She covered her face with her hands, so completely done with this day.

When she looked over to Octavia, the brunette was still doing everything to not make eye contact.

Clarke took a deep breath and walked out of the kitchen.

"I'm going to my room. I am locking the door. I will be in there until the morning, and if I wake up without the smell of coffee floating through this apartment, you're both in deep trouble." Clarke followed up by doing exactly as she had described, plopping down on her bed facedown after locking her door behind her.

"I told you she'd be pissed," she heard Octavia say through her bedroom door after a few moments of silence.

"Shut up," Raven replied, much closer to Clarke's door than Octavia was. Clarke turned her head to stare at the closed door. "You alright, Griff?" Raven asked through the door.

Clarke grumbled a response.

Another beat of silence. "Do you want to talk about it?" Raven's voice was soft. Honestly, Clarke should have known that her best friend would realize something other than the coffee maker being broken was bothering her. They had known each other far too long, and Raven was far too astute to let anything get by her.

Clarke just grumbled again, turning her face into her pillow to burrow into the comfort of her bed. She kicked her shoes off her feet and heard them fall to the floor at the end of her bed.

"Hey, unlock the door. I'll make some cocoa and we can all bundle up on the couch. You'll feel better in no time."

"I bet some Netflix would go well with that, too," Octavia added. She had joined Raven outside Clarke's bedroom door.

With a sigh, Clarke pushed herself off her bed to go unlock and open her door for her friends. After doing so, she turned back to her bed and fell back onto it without a word. Raven and Octavia glanced at each other before moving to sandwich Clarke on the bed. Raven sat with her back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of her. Octavia laid down beside Clarke, pressing into her side and slinging an arm around the small of the blonde's back.

"What's wrong, Griff?" Raven asked, running her fingers gently through Clarke's hair.

Clarke mumbled an indecipherable response into her pillow.

"Wanna try that again?" Octavia asked softly, rubbing circles into Clarke's back.

Clarke lifted her head to rest her chin on her pillow. "I made a slight fool of myself today, I think."

"Is this about the hot girl at the library?" Raven asked, smirk evident in her tone. Clarke just nodded. "What did you do?"

"Long story," Clarke mumbled, frowning at the headboard and avoiding looking at her friends.

"Start from the beginning," Octavia suggested, snuggling into Clarke's side more firmly.

Clarke twisted over onto her back to find both of her friends watching her intently. She smiled softly at their concerned looks. "Well, you know there was the hot girl, right?" They both nodded, encouraging her to go on. "Her name's Lexa, and she's so pretty. Doesn't talk much, though. And she helped me find my books, I bought her coffee."

"Way to go Griffin," Raven praised, smirking.

"Or not," Clarke sighed. "I took a bit to get it. Drew her a picture under the cup sleeve." Clarke bit her lip, thinking about how ridiculous the idea actually had been. "I'm such an idiot. Why would anyone even think to do that? Why did I do that? What was the point?"

"Did she like it?" Octavia asked curiously.

Clarke shrugged. "She didn't react to it. So she either didn't notice the arrow I drew pointing to under the sleeve, or she thought it was dumb and ignored it." Clarke stared at the ceiling of her room, trying to act as unaffected as possible.

Raven rolled her eyes and pushed herself off the bed. "Is that all?" She asked, stretching her arms above her head. "She probably just didn't notice, Griff."

Octavia nodded beside Clarke on the bed. "No one would ignore your art. It's too good. I'm sure she just didn't notice it."

"You're going back tomorrow, right?" Raven asked from where she stood beside the bed. She continued after Clarke nodded hesitantly. "Draw her something else. Maybe leave a note for her on it." She paused, a knowing smirk crossing her features. "Maybe this'll be your 'thing'."

"What thing?" Clarke asked, looking up at her friend.

"You know, your thing. How you get her to fall ridiculously in love with you. Your 'how I met your mother' thing."

"That's not a thing," Clarke said, looking over to Octavia for support.

"It's a thing," Octavia confirmed, shrugging a little. "Rae and I had a thing. And I think you should go for this thing." She rolled off the bed to go stand beside her girlfriend.

"So it's decided. Clarke starts this thing for the hot librarian. She gets her number. Takes her on a date. Gets laid," Raven concluded, shit eating grin on her face.

Clarke groaned from her bed, pulling a pillow over her face. Maybe if she suffocated she wouldn't have to deal with her ridiculous friends anymore.

"Now let's go watch Netflix," Octavia offered, walking toward the door and pulling Raven along by the hand. "Get into some pj's, Clarke. I expect you out there in ten." Raven smiled cheekily over her shoulder as her girlfriend pulled her out the door.

Clarke pulled the pillow off of her face to watch her friends leave her room. After laying in her bed a moment longer, Clark pushed herself to a sitting position, searching her floor for her pajamas. She stood once she spotted them on the other side of the room by her dresser.

"I wasn't kidding about the coffee maker, Reyes!" Clarke hollered out to the living room as she got changed before she headed out to join her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, kudos and comments are loved. Come find me on tumblr @musiclurv


	6. I'm Gonna Watch You Radiate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Operation Clexa commences, Clarke's an overwhelmed college student, and Lexa's helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your second dose for the week. As I said, hopefully another one will show up later to make up for my absense last week (blame the cold, my friends. Blame the cold).

When Clarke walked into the library the next morning, she had two cups of coffee in her hands. She had seen Lexa through the library windows, sitting at the front desk and typing away at her computer. And, since she now knew the other girl's order, Clarke took it upon herself to go ahead and start what Raven had dubbed 'Operation Clexa'.

Today she had drawn the Hogwarts castle and grounds around the cup, making sure to keep in the area that was to be covered by the cup sleeve. Because who didn't like Harry Potter?

She caught the barista looking her way and smirking at her a few times after she had asked for the cup before she could fill it with coffee. When Clarke handed the cup back to her, the barista looked at her work and nodded appreciatively. Clarke had to hand it to the girl, she was definitely careful when putting the sleeve on the cup to cover her drawing and making sure not to spill any coffee over the sides.

Clarke nodded in thanks after she got both drinks and made her way into the library. After fighting her way through the doors (two coffee cups and her backpack did not make opening doors easy), she looked up to find Lexa smiling softly at her. She couldn't fight the blush and smile she felt take over her own features.

Clarke walked up to the front desk, depositing Lexa's coffee on the counter before turning to the table she had been working at the day before.

Her smile widened when she saw the books she was using the previous day already waiting for her.

* * *

 

Lexa pulled the coffee cup off the counter, wrapping both hands around it. After checking that Clarke wasn't looking, she quickly pulled the sleeve down to see if she had been gifted another drawing.

When she found Hogwarts perfectly depicted on the cup, her jaw dropped in awe. She turned the cup in her fingers, careful not to let any of the hot liquid inside spill out. Clarke had drawn the castle surrounded by the empty grounds, flowing into the quidditch pitch and then the forbidden forest. Lexa smiled when she saw Buckbeak the hippogriff drawn flying over the forest.

Lexa pushed the sleeve back up to cover the scene, not wanting to risk spilling anything on it. She took a sip of her coffee, happy to note that Clarke had remembered her order (not that it was hard to remember at all), and got back to work on the newest chapter of her book.

Like the day before, Lexa kept finding herself looking over to Clarke as she worked at her table. She had put headphones in again, and appeared to be getting distracted by whatever she was listening to. Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke stop reading to close her eyes and breathe in whatever she was listening to. The blonde leaned back in her chair, a calm washing over her features.

Lexa watched her, transfixed. Minutes later, when Lexa could only assume that the song had finished, Clarke opened her eyes and looked directly at Lexa. And Lexa tried to break the gaze. She really did. She knew she was probably freaking the girl out, or at least making a fool of herself. But she just couldn't stop looking into those deep, crystal blue eyes.

And when Clarke's eyes softened, and a soft smile wormed its way onto her lips, Lexa knew she was done for.

She felt heat rise up her neck, but she couldn't fight the small smile playing at the corner of her mouth. When Clarke finally looked away and back down at the textbook that lay open in front of her, Lexa released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

Lexa quickly looked away before Clarke could look up and find her still watching, though she couldn't resist looking over to check on the blonde every now and again. The little frown and bunched up eyebrows any time Clarke focused on a particularly complex piece of text was just far too adorable for Lexa to ignore.

After deciding that, once again, she wasn't going to get any more writing done, Lexa pulled out her book. She opened it to where she had left off the day before, deciding that a day spent reading with Clarke (no matter how far away she may be physically) actually sounded pretty damn good.

* * *

 

Clarke sighed as she closed the textbook on the table in front of her. She had finally finished everything she needed to for the weekend, and had just turned in the online lab that had taken far longer than she expected it to. Her thesis proposal wasn't the best, but it was just a rough draft and she could edit it later with professor feedback. So really, she was in a pretty good place academically.

She looked at the watch on her wrist, noting that it was much later than she thought. The library would be closing soon, and she had better head out before she actually got kicked out.

Clarke stood from her seat, stretching her arms above her head. She sighed contentedly when her back popped loudly. Apparently sitting hunched over a table for hours on end was not conducive for healthy posture.

She pulled the earbuds out of her ears, pausing the music on her laptop from where she was standing, leaning over the table. When she looked up to see if anyone else was still in the library, she found Lexa looking over at her, head tilted to the side as if she was considering something especially complex. Clarke met her gaze and quirked an eyebrow, smirk lifting the left side of her mouth.

And it was then that Clarke decided a blushing Lexa was probably the most adorable thing she had ever seen.

After Lexa had swiftly looked away and back to her book, Clarke gathered her things and piled the library books neatly. When she was all packed up, she brought the books back up to the front desk.

"Hey," Clarke greeted softly, placing the books on the counter at the desk. Lexa placed her finger in her book, holding her place before she looked up to meet Clarke's eyes. Clarke hadn't really noticed just how green Lexa's eyes were before, but she found herself lost in them now.

When Lexa cleared her throat, Clarke hastily shook herself out of her daze. "Sorry," she mumbled, shifting her gaze to look at the pile of books now sitting on the counter. She patted the top book, drawing Lexa's attention to them. "Thanks for finding these for me again. It was really helpful."

Lexa nodded. "It wasn't a problem, really. I just kept them here yesterday instead of putting them back." She shrugged as if that wasn't a super thoughtful thing to do.

"How did you even know I was coming back?" Clarke asked, smirking at the brunette as she tried to avert her gaze.

Lexa shrugged again. "Just a feeling," she mumbled, playing with the front cover of her book. She glanced up at Clarke before looking down at her book again.

Clarke chuckled softly, shoving her hands into her pockets. She noticed that the now empty coffee cup was still sitting on Lexa's desk, and she couldn't fight the soft smile that forced its way onto her face at the sight.

"Well," Clarke continued, looking back at Lexa, "it was really helpful. I was able to finish everything that I needed to, thank god." She rolled her eyes at what was now just a memory of all the work she had to do.

Lexa's lips pulled up into a smile, though it looked like she was trying to keep it hidden. "You're quite welcome, Clarke." The way she said Clarke's name made a shiver run up the blonde's spine. Lexa looked up and met Clarke's stare. "I guess you won't be needing them anymore, though." Clarke could have sworn that Lexa sounded slightly upset at the prospect.

"Not those specifically. But I'll definitely need some help finding some other books in the near future, if you wouldn't mind. I have a beast of a paper coming up for my senior thesis."

Lexa nodded reassuringly. "Anything I can do to help. My library is your library," Lexa said, smiling and holding her arms out, motioning to the stacks behind her. Clarke chuckled at the gesture before Lexa seemed to catch herself and let her arms drop back down to her side, stoic mask coming over her features again. Lexa cleared her throat. "Like I said, anything I can do to help. Will you be coming back tomorrow?"

Clarke hummed to herself, thinking of her schedule the next day. "No, I don't think tomorrow. I have classes and work. But probably Tuesday. I want to get a head start on a paper I have due at the end of the week. And the other lab that I have to get started. And the research for another paper I have coming up. Oh god..." Clarke trailed off, gazing off into space and becoming slightly overwhelmed with everything she realized she had to get done this week.

"You alright there?" Clarke looked back down to Lexa to find her smirking up at her from her seat. Clarke gulped and blushed. _That smirk could make even the holiest become sinners..._

Clarke nodded hastily, not trusting herself to actually speak. Smirk still in place, Lexa quirked an eyebrow and nodded, clearly not believing her.

"Uh-huh. If you say so." Clarke nodded again, lips firmly sealed. "Right. Well, I'll see you Tuesday, then. If you text me a list of the books you'll need, I can have them ready for you by the time you get here." Lexa leaned over her desk, pulling a sticky note off the pad she had placed there and scribbling her name and number down quickly. Looking a little more unsure of herself, Lexa handed the sticky note to Clarke. "If you want to, that is..."

Clarke took the note from Lexa, grasping it tightly. "Yeah, yeah! That'd actually be great. You're a life saver." She smiled eagerly at Lexa. The hesitant smile that spread across Lexa's face was so contrary to the smirk that had just been there that Clarke had to take a breather before she continued. "I'll see you Tuesday, then. Have a good night!"

With that and a quick wave over her shoulder, Clarke hurried out of the library, sticky note still firmly grasped in her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! We're going to start moving forward a bit between these two, and we're going to be seeing more Clarke/Raven/Octavia interaction as well as Lexa/Anya interaction in the near future. It's all a good time with these two flustered idiots getting advise from their people.
> 
> Also, if you haven't noticed, the titles of these chapters are song lyrics from various artists. Bonus points for anyone who knows the songs they're referencing!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are loved. And you can reach out to me at any time on tumblr @musiclurv. I'm also really trying to respond to all comments made for each chapter, so if you do comment, keep an eye out for those responses.
> 
> Another update should be here either Friday or Saturday!


	7. I'm a Caution Taker, But Baby You're a Force of Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke thinks she has game, Raven and Octavia remind her she's a dork, Lexa's a nervous wreck, and Anya's the big sister we all know and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, last one for the week. It's longer than the rest so far, I think, so I hope you enjoy it! Have fun!

"I have game!" Clarke hollered as she burst through her apartment door. The door bounced off the wall, swinging back forcefully and almost hitting Clarke in the face.

"You sure about that?" Raven asked from where she sat on the couch, arm around Octavia who was leaning into her side.

Clarke pushed the door back open fully, much less forcefully this time, and walked into her apartment. She closed the door behind her before walking over to plop down on the couch next to her friends. Even the unnecessary sass wouldn't wipe the smile off her face.

When she just continued to smile and hold up the sticky note that she had yet to let go of, Raven cocked an eyebrow at her. "Is that what I think it is?"

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, practically vibrating with her excitement.

"She gave you her number?" Octavia asked, sitting up to turn more fully toward Clarke.

"Mhm," Clarke hummed, still smiling. She bit her lip, trying to reign herself in, but she knew it was futile.

Raven reached across the couch and ruffled Clarke's hair. "Good job, Griff! I have to admit, I was a bit worried that you actually lost what little game you had."

"Don't be rude!" Clarke laughed, shoving Raven's arm away. "You know I have no problem picking people up."

"Usually. Before mysterious hot librarian came around." Raven smirked at her, while Octavia nodded in agreement.

"She has a point," Octavia agreed. Raven wrapped her arm around her girlfriend again, placing a kiss on her cheek.

Clarke slumped into the back of the couch. "She has no point." She paused, debating whether she wanted to tell them what actually happened (which she would admit was really not because of her own game at all). With a sigh, Clarke admitted, "She actually only gave it to me so that she could find some books for me before I came in on Tuesday."

"Did you even ask for it?" Raven asked, amused at the blonde's confession. Clarke shook her head causing Raven to scoff. "No game at all, I tell ya."

"Hey! If I didn't have any game, she wouldn't have offered in the first place." Clarke looked down at her hands in her lap, smile finally slipping off her face. "Do you think she's actually interested, though? Or is she just being a good worker and helping out a student that came in? I mean, she could have just offered to be nice."

Octavia squeezed Clarke's shoulder, waiting for the blonde to look up at her before speaking. "Clarke, I highly doubt that she gives out her number to students on a regular basis. From what you said, she seems to keep to herself most of the time." Clarke nodded.

"I guess we'll just have to see how it plays out," Clarke admitted, pushing herself up from the couch to go get something to eat from the kitchen. "Whatever happens, I did get her number after only knowing her for just over twenty-four hours. So that's still impressive." She dug around in the kitchen pantry while she spoke to her friends out in the living room.

"Totally legendary, Griff," Raven supplied. Clarke was sure it was said sarcastically, but she chose to ignore it and take it as a compliment. When she walked back out to the living room, Clarke found Octavia and Raven immersed back in whatever they were watching on the TV.

She plopped down on the couch next to them again, munching on the cereal she had grabbed from the pantry. Octavia, curled up against Raven, pulled her legs up on the couch and spread them out over Clarke's lap. Which really gave her no choice but to stay lounging with her friends, watching a movie that they've all probably seen dozens of times before. It was a tragedy, really.

* * *

 

It was Monday night when Lexa's phone buzzed on the coffee table. She didn't think anything of it, even though there were only two people that ever really texted her, and one of them was sitting on the couch with her. When it buzzed again, she got a little curious, but still didn't feel like moving from her spot. By the third buzz, Anya was annoyed.

"You gonna get that?" Anya asked from where she was laying across the couch, head resting on the armrest opposite Lexa. With a sigh, Lexa finally forced herself to lean forward and grab her cell off the table.

Three notifications of text messages from an unknown number stared up at here. She quickly unlocked her phone and smiled when she realized they were messages from Clarke. She saved the number in her phone quickly before going to the messages.

**Clarke (10:32 PM): Hi, this is Clarke from the library.**

**Clarke (10:32 PM): I was hoping that the offer for you to get my books ready for me still stood. If so, here's a list (Sorry it's so long)**

The third text was a list of eight books' titles and their authors. She was about to text out a response when her phone buzzed again.

**Clarke (10:38 PM): I just realized that it's kinda late and I totally should have gotten these for you earlier today. I am so sorry.**

Lexa smiled at her phone, quickly texting out _It's completely fine. I'll have them ready for you tomorrow. Do you know when you'll be arriving?_

She placed her phone on the armrest next to her, hoping to receive a quick reply. When it buzzed less than a minute later, she quickly grabbed it and unlocked the message.

**Clarke (10:41 PM): You are fantastic. You're very quickly working your way up to being my favorite person. I'll be there around 2, I think.**

Anya kicked her thigh, pulling Lexa's attention away from her phone. "Who got you to be all smiles?" she asked, eying her little sister warily.

Lexa quickly locked her phone, putting it between her thigh and the armrest to keep it away from Anya's nosey self. "No one, really." She shrugged. She knew her passive response would just garner more questions, but she was hoping that her sister would drop it.

Of course her sister lived up to her persistent, stubborn reputation.

"Uh-huh. I haven't seen you smile this much in years, much less because of a couple texts." She paused, watching Lexa as she fiddled with her fingers in her lap. After a moment in which Lexa thought Anya would actually drop the topic, Anya kicked her thigh again. "So who is she?"

"Who said anything about a 'she'?" Lexa scoffed.

Anya just raised a brow and waited for a proper response.

"She's just someone that needed a hand at the library. I offered to find some books for her. Not a big deal." Lexa shrugged, purposefully not looking over to her sister.

"So it is a girl. What's her name?"

"Clarke."

"Is she a student?"

"Yes."

"What's she studying?"

"From the books she's asking me to find, I'd say medicine."

"So she's smart. What's she look like?"

Lexa knew what her sister was doing. She always tried the rapid fire questions to catch Lexa off guard. But she was prepared for it this time. She wasn't going to fall for Anya's tricks. "Blonde, blue eyes, a bit shorter than me."

"Attractive?"

"Some would say." She was so ready for this. She wouldn't let her sister win.

"Sounds like the girl from the bar."

"It is."

"So she is hot."

Lexa hummed as her response.

"When's she coming back to the library?"

"Tomorrow."

"How'd she get your number?"

"I gave it to her."

"When are you going to ask her out?"

"Soon." Damnit!

Lexa smacked her hand to her face, realizing that her sister got what she wanted. She chanced a glance over to Anya to find her smirking triumphantly.

"So not just someone that needed help, huh?"

Lexa dragged her hand slowly down her face, sighing in defeat. "She did need help."

"Uh-huh. With taking her clothes off?"

"Anya!" Lexa yelled, insulted on Clarke's behalf. "It's not like that!"

"So you're saying you wouldn't help if she asked?"

"I didn't say that," Lexa stumbled out, blush taking over her face. "I mean... That's not what I--"

"Sure, Lex. Keep telling yourself that." Anya looked back to the TV, smirk still on her face. When she didn't continue her pestering, Lexa looked back to the program playing as well.

They sat in silence for well over half an hour, and Lexa was sure the subject was firmly dropped. She was fiddling with her phone in her hands absentmindedly as she watched the documentary that was about to finish.

"So you're going to ask her out soon, huh?" Anya asked, not looking away from the TV. Lexa's phone fell from her hands.

"Anya..." she warned, reaching down to grab her phone from the floor. She sighed in relief when she saw that she didn't break it.

"Lexa..." Anya replied teasingly in the same tone. Lexa wasn't going to get out of answering.

With another sigh, she rubbed her temple where a headache was trying to make itself known. "I'd like to, yeah. But I'm not even sure that she likes me like that..." Lexa let her sentence taper off, uncertainty clouding her thoughts.

Anya scoffed. "Have you seen your face? Of course she's interested."

"What if she's straight?" Lexa countered. "You know, there are straight people in the universe."

"On Mars, maybe. I doubt even that, though. Everyone's at least a little gay."

"You can't say that." Lexa looked at her sister, amused by her certainty on the subject.

"Sure I can. I have never met a girl who wasn't at least a bit curious." Anya shrugged. "Thus, a bit gay."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Yeah well, I'd prefer it if Clarke wasn't just curious." She watched as the credits began to roll up the screen of their TV.

Anya sat up, turning to face Lexa fully. She stared at her younger sister for a few moments, and though Lexa refused to meet her gaze, she could feel the older girl's scrutiny.

"What?" Lexa finally snapped, glaring at her sister from the corner of her eye.

"You really like her, don't you?" Anya asked, voice soft.

Lexa looked down at her phone as she began playing with it in her lap again. "I do, yeah..." Lexa trailed off, a soft smile creeping it's way across her lips. "She's amazing, really. I mean, I don't know much about her, but from what I've seen... She's so talented, Anya. And so dedicated. And _so_ beautiful. God, the way her eyes light up when she's excited... Or the way she bites her lip when she's thinking is just so--" Lexa cut herself off when she looked over to find Anya smirking at her.

"That answers that question," Anya stated smugly. "You said you're seeing her tomorrow?" Lexa nodded. "You should ask her out for dinner later this week."

Lexa sunk further into the couch. "Anya, I don't know if I can go through this whole thing again."

Anya reached over and put her hand on Lexa's shoulder. "Lex, is she worth it?" she asked softly, searching her little sister's features. It was slightly unnerving to see her unwavering sister be this vulnerable.

Lexa nodded. "I think so. But Anya--"

"No buts. You don't need to rush this. But if you think she's worth it, what's the harm in giving this thing a shot?"

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Oh, I don't know. Crushing heartbreak, maybe?"

Anya squeezed Lexa's shoulder before letting it go and standing up. "If you're already worried about heartbreak, you're in too deep to just let it go." She stretched before continuing. "Just ask her out. The worst she can say is no, and if she does she's an idiot and doesn't actually deserve you."

"She's not an idiot, An--"

Anya held up her hand to stop Lexa. "Just ask. Pull out that charm we all know is buried deep down in there."

When Lexa finally nodded, still looking slightly unconvinced, Anya knelt down in front of her sister. She placed her hands on her knees and looked up into her worried green eyes.

"Lex, you got this. She'd be crazy to turn you down."

Lexa smiled softly at her sister. Yeah, she was a pain in the ass sometimes, but she cared more than anyone else would ever realize.

Seeing her sister smiling, Anya pushed herself back up again. She ruffled Lexa's hair, earning her a scowl and a playful shove. She chuckled and walked away.

"Now get to bed. Lord knows you need your beauty sleep for tomorrow."

Yep, definitely an ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was it! There probably won't be another post until Monday or Tuesday, but probably Tuesday because I'd like to get some more written before I post the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you've liked this triple post week, but next week we go back two twice a week.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments (which I try to reply to) are loved. And come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you feel so inclined!


	8. But I've Got Better Luck In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is even more awkward, Lexa is confused, Finn makes an appearance, and then Lexa gets smooth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is a fun one, in my opinion. It made me laugh while writing it just because of how awkward these dorks are. So enjoy it!

Clarke was much more graceful walking into the library Tuesday afternoon. Even balancing two coffee cups and her backpack, she managed to push the library doors open and walk up to the front desk without tripping or almost dropping anything.

Placing Lexa's cup down on the desk, Clarke looked around. The brunette was nowhere to be seen. She could see her stack of books already waiting for her at her preferred table, though.

Clarke turned to move over to her table when she heard Lexa's voice coming from down one of the stacks. It sounded like she was walking back to the front, so Clarke decided to wait for her. She fiddled with her coffee cup, watching the aisle that she thought Lexa would be appearing from.

When Lexa did walk out, she wasn't alone. Walking a few paces behind Lexa with a few books under his arm was Finn, Clarke's ex. And he seemed to be trying to hit on Lexa if his constant chatter was anything to go by.

Lexa did not seem amused as she led Finn up to the front desk, stony expression firmly in place. She froze mid eye roll when she saw Clarke waiting at the desk for her. The smile that spread across her face when they made eye contact was contagious and Clarke found herself smiling back instantly.

Finn's sentence trailed off as Lexa walked quickly away from him and toward Clarke. When he looked over to the front desk to find Clarke standing there, his face lit up as if Christmas came early. Clarke groaned internally when she saw him make his way over to stand next to her.

"Clarke, it's good to see--" Lexa began once she arrive on her side of the desk. Her smile dropped when Finn appeared at Clarke's side, cutting her off.

"Clarke! Fancy seeing you here!" Finn's 'charming' smile was just as slimy as Clarke remembered it. "I haven't seen you in forever. Are you here to study? Maybe we could work together?"

"Uh..." Clarke fumbled over her words, trying to come up with a way out of this situation. "No, actually. Just here to pick up..." She looked over to the book drop off and grabbed the first book on the pile. "This book! Thank you so much for holding it for me," Clarke directed at Lexa. She placed the book on the desk's counter, pushing it over to Lexa.

Finn looked disappointed at her response. Lexa just looked confused, and Clarke knew she'd have to explain herself later when she was out of this situation.

When Lexa finally picked up the book, Clarke caught sight of the name of it and groaned internally. She sincerely hoped neither of the other two would take notice to it.

Unfortunately, luck was not on her side. At all.

" _The Big Book of Dicks_? Interesting reading you have there." Finn looked from the book to Clarke, eyebrows raised suggestively. "Though I'm sure I could help you out with that. If you remember correctly--"

"I've really got to get going!" Clarke basically shouted, grabbing the book from Lexa after she had scanned her library card and the book. Clarke was certain that her face was bright red at this point, and she was completely mortified. _Why couldn't anything ever work out well?_

She quickly turned on her heel, shoving the stupid book into her backpack, and basically sprinted out of the library, leaving a bewildered Lexa behind her.

Yeah, she'd definitely have to text her later.

* * *

 

**Clarke (2:43 PM): Lexa, I am so sorry that you had to witness that.**

**Lexa (2:52 PM): It's quite alright, Clarke. As a librarian, I've learned not to judge people's choices in reading material.**

Clarke groaned as she read Lexa's text. _Awesome_.

**Clarke (2:54 PM): It is not what you're thinking. At all.**

**Clarke (2:55 PM): That guy that you were helping? He's an ex of mine. Total douche, honestly. Anyway, he's tried to get back with me multiple times over the last two years. I knew that if I stuck around I'd be stuck talking to him**

**Lexa (3:02 PM): So... A book on dicks?**

**Clarke (3:03 PM): It was on the top of the pile!**

**Lexa (3:07 PM): Uh-huh. Well, the douche (as you so kindly called him) has left. So if you wanted to come back...**

**Lexa (3:08 PM): Not that you have to. I just thought you could return that book if you didn't even want it and maybe actually get some of that work you were talking about finished.**

Clarke smiled at her phone. At least Lexa was the one rambling now, albeit through text.

**Clarke (3:09 PM): I'll be there in 10. I'd definitely like to get rid of this disgusting book**

Clarke quickly shoved her phone into her pocket and made her way out of the apartment, grabbing her still packed bag and throwing it over her shoulder. She pulled her phone back out when she felt it buzz as she made her way to her car.

**Lexa (3:12): Great, I'll see you then.**

Clarke climbed into her car, smile on her face, and made her way back to the library for the second time that day. She debated getting another cup of coffee for Lexa, but finally decided against it. She had already bought her one, and she had planned the drawing on that one since Sunday.

When Clarke got back to the library, she walked up to the front desk to find Lexa absorbed in her book once again.

"Starting with reading today, huh?" Clarke asked, amused that Lexa hadn't even noticed her walking up.

Lexa started in her seat, quickly looking up and smiling when she saw it was Clarke speaking to her. She shrugged, putting her bookmark where she had left off reading and placing the closed book on her desk. "Figured I wouldn't be able to concentrate on writing."

"You're a writer?" Clarke asked, intrigued. Lexa nodded shyly, pushing her hair behind her ear. "That's really awesome. Why are you working in a library, then?"

"I haven't gotten anything published yet. So this is paying the bills for now." Clarke nodded in understanding. "Did you want to return that book or..."

Clarke blushed crimson before she twisted her backpack off one shoulder and pulled it around. Unzipping it, she dug the offending book out of its depths. She quickly pushed the book across the counter, face down.

"Please, just take it. I never want to see the damn thing again." Lexa chuckled at Clarke's dramatics, pulling the book toward her and trying to scan it back into the library system. "Why does the library even own a book like that?" Clarke asked, cringing in disgust.

Lexa shrugged. "To each their own, I guess. Personally, I don't see what's so great about them." Lexa was speaking absentmindedly, eyes on her computer monitor as she had to type the ISBN into the system.

Clarke quirked an eyebrow. "Not a fan of what guys are packing, huh?" she asked, smirking a little.

"Nope, not at all. More about the female anatomy, personally," Lexa replied. She froze when she realized what she had just said. She looked up at Clarke, alarm in her eyes. "Clarke, I am so sorry. If you're uncomfortable I can--"

Clarke quickly raised a hand, waving off Lexa's concern. "Nah, I totally get it. I'm a fan of both." Clarke scrunched up her nose, looking at the book in Lexa's hand. "Though that book's existence kinda makes me wish I wasn't."

Lexa's expression relaxed, a chuckle escaping her lips. "Good to know," she mumbled, typing the last bit of the ISBN into the computer. "Well, you'll never have to see this book again. You are officially free of it's evil."

Clarke sighed dramatically. "Thank God. I was afraid that I'd be stuck with it far longer than that. You're truly a hero."

Lexa shrugged, placing the book back on the returns pile that Clarke had grabbed it from earlier. "We are what we are." She smirked up at Clarke, and Clarke found herself flustered all over again by the confident Lexa. She was much more used to the flustered, nervous Lexa. This confident Lexa was throwing her off.

"Well, uhm... I need to..." Clarke pointed over to the table that still held the books Lexa had pulled for her earlier. "So I'll just..." She trailed off, walking backward toward the table. "Thanks again for" She waved her hands around, "everything, I guess. Yeah, thanks for everything. It was really--"

Okay, running into a table while walking backward and talking to your crush was definitely not smooth at all. But with Lexa still smirking at her, she really couldn't be blamed for her clumsiness.

"Careful, Clark," Lexa said, humor evident in her tone. If she was anyone else, Clarke would have glared at her for finding humor in Clarke's embarrassment. As it is, however, Clarke could only smile sheepishly before finally turning and walking over to her table.

When she looked back up to the front desk, Lexa was working on the library computer, smirk still present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! A couple of notes: First,  
> The Big Book of Dicks is a real book, I swear. I saw it at the bookstore when I was working there. There's even a companion book that's smaller. I would suggest not checking them out.  
> Second, hopefully there will be another update later in the week. Look for that either Thursday or Friday.  
> Third, if you are dying to see these two dorks do something/go on a certain adventure, let me know! I'd love to try to fit different scenarios into the story where I can.  
> Finally, as always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. I'll try to reply to every comment that I receive, and if I don't it's just because I wasn't sure what to say or didn't see it. Come shoot me a message/follow me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to chat!


	9. Come On and Dizzy Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke starts peacocking, Raven calls her out on it, Lexa's caught completely off guard, and plans are changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So here's a longer chapter for y'all to tide you over for the weekend. Enjoy!

Raven was right. It became a thing. Clarke would go to the library multiple times a week, whether or not she had any pressing assignments that she had to work on. And every time, she'd bring Lexa a coffee after drawing on the paper cup. Lexa would smile, thank her, and they'd both go to do their own work silently.

They texted rarely. Clarke would sometimes text Lexa a list of a few books along with a day and time to let the older girl know when she'd be there next. And Lexa would always have the books Clarke needed ready for her when she arrived. They had made a routine of it, and they were both content with their slightly awkward, newly budding friendship.

Though, Clarke would be lying if she said she wasn't hoping that their friendship would develop into something more. And sooner rather than later. Usually she had no problem asking someone out on a date, but Lexa just seemed so unobtainable in some way. Clarke was mystified by her, in all honesty. She found herself stumbling over words, tripping over chairs, dropping things she was carrying - in short, she turned into a complete klutz whenever she was around the brunette. Not that Lexa faired much better most of the time. But then she would smirk or get a bit more confident, and Clarke was done for.

So Clarke decided it was time to up her game. She'd get Lexa to ask her out if it was the last thing she ever did.

"Tell me again why you're wearing your 'fuck-me' shirt to the library?" Raven asked from the doorway to Clarke's bedroom.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "It's not my 'fuck-me' shirt. It just happens to fit really well, and it's comfortable."

Raven looked unconvinced. "And also puts your cleavage on perfect display, right?"

"Happy coincidence," Clarke said with a shrug. They both knew that was actually the exact reason she was wearing this shirt. She would often wear it when she went out for a girls' night on the town. The blue color of it made her eyes pop, and the cut of the neck really did make her boobs look great. And she'd also have to admit that she had gotten lucky with it quite often.

She threw on a simple necklace that drew the eyes to her chest.

"You're peacocking," Raven stated bluntly. She eyed her best friend's outfit. Along with Clarke's 'fuck-me' shirt, she was also rocking a pair of dark skinny jeans that made her ass look fantastic.

Clarke ignored the comment and threw on her Chucks (because comfort was still important to her when she was studying, and while heels would have looked fantastic, she just wasn't willing to sacrifice that much for a trip to the library. She also wouldn't hear the end of it if Raven saw her walking out in stilettos.)

Clarke checked herself over in her full length mirror before wiping away a smudge of mascara. "Good?" she asked, turning to Raven with her arms extended at her sides.

"Good," Raven responded without a moment of hesitation. Clarke did look good, too. Better than a day studying in the library warranted. "And again, you're going to the library?" She quirked an eyebrow. Raven knew exactly what Clarke was up to.

Clarke nodded, grabbing her packed backpack off the floor and throwing it over her shoulder before moving to exit her bedroom. Raven didn't move out of her way though, effectively blocking her in. "Are you going to let me go?"

Raven braced herself against the doorframe. "You shall not pass!" she shouted exaggeratedly, drawing an eye roll and fond smile out of Clarke.

"And you are a ridiculous dork. Now let me out." She had her hands grasping the straps of her backpack, and she quickly glanced down at her watch. She had told Lexa that she'd be at the library around eleven, and it was already pushing past 10:30.

"One does not simply _walk_ into the library," Raven quoted, altering Tolkien's words slightly.

"Raven." Clarke was getting impatient. She was going to be late if Raven didn't let her leave, which would make it rather difficult to draw anything halfway decent on Lexa's coffee cup. When Raven still didn't move, Clarke almost subjected herself to begging. "Come on, Rae."

"Admit it," Raven demanded. "Admit it and I'll move."

Clarke rubbed her forehead, getting seriously annoyed with her friend. "Admit what, exactly?" She crossed her arms and started tapping her foot in impatience.

"That you're peacocking." Raven stared Clarke down defiantly.

"I'm not peacocking. This is just a comfortable outfit."

Raven snorted. "Not peacocking my ass. Have you still not asked her out?"

"I've decided she needs to ask me out," Clarke said, picking at her fingernail. She'd definitely only decided that because she was too nervous to ask the other girl out herself. But if this outfit didn't get the brunette to ask, Clarke was just going to have to woman up and do it herself. She was tired of waiting. It had been over a month since she first met Lexa, and they both flirted relentlessly. So she knew the other girl was interested. And after the _Big Book of Dicks_ incident (or the-incident-that-shall-not-be-named, as Clarke had taken to calling it), Clarke felt confident that her awkwardness wouldn't scare the girl away. Raven had almost died of laughter when Clarke had recounted that awkward mess of a situation later that same night.

"So you decided that you needed to up your game and pull out the big guns." She paused, thinking over her statement and looking Clarke over once again. "Or show them off, as it were." She eyed Clarke's shirt pointedly.

Clarke rolled her eyes, letting her hands fall to her sides. "Yes, okay? And if this doesn't work, I'll ask her out."

"Will you really?" Raven asked, excitement in her voice. She leaned closer to Clarke, offsetting her center of balance. Clarke took the opportunity to brush past her, though she almost took out Raven in the process.

"Maybe," Clarke said over her shoulder as she quickly made her way to the front of the apartment. "We'll see how the day progresses."

"If you don't have a date by the time you get home..." Raven left the threat open ended, and Clarke knew she didn't really have any idea what she'd do if Clarke did end up without a date set up with Lexa.

Without giving Raven any sort of response, Clarke pulled the front door open and left the apartment.

* * *

 

When Lexa woke up that morning, she wasn't expecting to be attacked like this.

She was expecting to see Clarke later in the morning, as the blonde had texted her the previous day to let her know that she'd be at the library. So when Lexa got to the library at nine in the morning, she went ahead and grabbed the two books that Clarke said she'd need.

What she hadn't expected was for Clarke to come sauntering in at ten past eleven, two coffee cups in her hands, and confidence radiating out in waves.

Lexa's jaw dropped.

The blonde was wearing an outfit that Lexa could only assume was a happy coincidence in that it showed off her body in all the right ways. And the half lidded eyes, slight smirk, and extra sway of the hips was definitely not intentional... Right? _Was Clarke... Peacocking_? Lexa sat dumbfounded.

_This isn't fair. This isn't fair. This isn't fair._

Lexa couldn't be blamed if she failed to find any words of greeting when Clarke finally made it to her desk and leaned over to place Lexa's cup on the coaster. Clarke never did that before, she'd always just place it on the counter, remaining at a slight distance to Lexa. But the way her chest was pushed up as she leaned across the counter, putting her cleavage on display...

_You are so gay, Lexa Woods._

"Hey," Clarke rasped, straightening up and crossing her arms on the counter. She leaned against them, once again using her shirt to its full affect.

After a moment of Lexa's continued staring, mouth still parted in awe, Clarke cleared her throat with a smirk on her lips.

"Oh, uh," Lexa coughed into her hand, trying to gain some form of composure over herself. "Hello, Clarke. It's a pleasure to see you."

Clarke hummed. "Pleasure's all mine." That raspy tone was doing things to Lexa that she should probably never admit out loud. Clarke raised an eyebrow when it seemed that Lexa had fallen back into staring again. She tapped her fingers against the counter before raising her own cup of coffee to her lips and taking a sip. When she moaned at the taste, Lexa nearly fell out of her seat. "So good," Clarke whispered, placing the cup back on the counter and staring Lexa directly in the eye. Lexa knew her pupils were probably blown, and the darker color of Clarke's eyes made her think that Clarke knew exactly what she was doing to Lexa.

"Uhm," Lexa began, pulling at the neck of her shirt. Was it suddenly hotter in here? "Uh, I found those books for you. They're waiting at your usual table." She pointed over to the table where the books were stacked neatly.

Clarke didn't break eye contact. "Perfect. Thank you so much." She leaned forward a bit over the desk. Lexa had to stop herself from leaning in as well when she caught a whiff of Clarke's perfume. She gulped and saw Clarke's eyes jump down to her neck momentarily before jerking back up to lock with Lexa's again. "You've been so much help. I don't know how I could ever repay you, really." Clarke danced her fingers over the countertop.

"You--" Lexa had to clear the crack out of her voice before she could continue. "You've done enough by buying me coffee every day." She lifted up her cup. Clarke glanced at it quickly before once again looking back at Lexa's eyes. Her stare was so intense that Lexa felt like she was melting in her seat.

"Hmm..." Clarke hummed in thought, bringing up her right hand to tap her forefinger against her chin. She tilted her head up to look to the ceiling, as if thinking deeply about the matter. "Doesn't seem like quite enough, does it?" She asked finally. Lexa's eyes were trained on Clarke's perfect neck and jaw before Clarke looked back down at her. By Clarke's smirk, Lexa knew her distraction was noticed.

"No?" Lexa croaked out. She would be embarrassed by the crack in her voice, but she was sure Clarke was enjoying what she was doing to Lexa.

"Nope," Clarke said, popping the 'p'. "Do you have any ideas?"

Lexa stuttered over her words, trying to come up with anything to say to the blonde. Her brain had officially stopped working.

After a moment of Lexa fumbling over herself, Clarke interrupted, pushing off of the counter. "How about you think on it for a bit? Let me know if you come up with anything." She suggested. She turned to walk over to her table, but paused mid strut. "I'll be waiting," she rasped, throwing a wink over her shoulder. She then continued to walk to her table, hips swinging tantalizingly.

And then Lexa did fall out of her chair.

She had apparently been leaning toward the blonde unconsciously as she walked away. When Lexa had finally pulled herself off the floor, face burning with embarrassment, she chanced a glance over at Clarke.

The blonde was smirking, pointedly staring down at her books and not looking at Lexa.

* * *

 

Clarke was a patient person. Really, she was. She could sit staring at a canvas for hours without getting bored or impatient. And she was definitely patient in getting her work done. She never needed to rush with starting that.

Okay, so maybe Clarke was patient when it concerned something she actually wanted to do.

In any case, at the moment Clarke was feeling anything but patient. She tried to focus on her readings for as long as possible. "For as long as possible" turned out to be less than a few minutes when Lexa kept glancing over to her. Clarke knew she had the brunette's attention, so she positioned herself in all the right ways for Lexa's pleasure. Back slightly arched over the table, head angled slightly to the side... Yeah, Clarke knew how to work her assets in her favor.

She chanced a glance up at Lexa and found the older girl staring at her once again. The brunette was trying to be subtle about it, but the jerk of her head when she was caught certainly didn't hide what she was doing. Clarke smirked again, looking back down at her book and playing with the pen in her left hand. She brought it up to her mouth to lightly chew on the end while she feigned concentration in her book. Lexa didn't need to know that she wasn't paying attention to anything that she was reading.

Clarke kept this up for a few more hours, throwing in a nice stretch every now and then just to spice things up. And she did actually get a couple of chapters read for her classes, which she was quite impressed with. When she looked at her watch and saw that it was already pushing four in the afternoon, Clarke closed her book and stretched once again, letting out a long sigh.

Lexa was watching her again when Clarke looked up to the front desk. The brunette didn't look away as Clarke gathered her belongings and headed up front, books in hand.

"Thanks again for these," Clarke said, placing the books on the counter of the desk. She traced the title of the top book with her finger, watching Lexa intently. "Did you think of anything I could do to repay you?"

Lexa glanced down at Clarke's fingers that were moving on the book, and if Clarke didn't know any better she would think that Lexa was having some risqué thoughts. By the blush on the brunette's face, Clarke assumed that she may actually be thinking some _rather risqué_ thoughts. Clarke smirked, waiting for Lexa to look back up at her.

"I did give it some thought," Lexa admitted when she finally made eye contact again. Clarke nodded, encouraging Lexa to continue. "Maybe two coffees next time."

Clarke nearly dropped her head onto counter. Was Lexa really that oblivious? Instead, she just raised her right hand to rest her chin against it. "That the best you got?" She asked, trying to inch Lexa closer to what she actually wanted.

Lexa nodded. "I think it's fair. Like I said earlier, you already buy me coffee all the time. I guess you could grab a bagel next time as well, if that makes you feel better." Lexa looked confused as she thought over the offer once more.

"I still don't think that will make us even," Clarke said, leaning slightly over the counter. "Why don't you let me take you out?" She hoped she still looked confident because she sure didn't feel it any more. What if Lexa was just trying to let her down gently? What if she totally got her hints, but wasn't interested and didn't want to hurt Clarke's feelings? What if, what if, what if?

Lexa's eyes widened as she watched Clarke even more intently, though it didn't seem possible. She looked like a deer caught in headlights, and Clarke was starting to really fear that Lexa wasn't actually interested at all and that she had totally misread the situation.

_I'll have to find a new library. Maybe transfer schools. That seems reasonable, right? Totally reasonable. Get yourself together, Griffin._

Clarke hadn't realized that she had looked down at her hand playing with the book in front of her until Lexa called her attention back to her. Clarke cringed slightly as she looked back up at Lexa.

"Clarke?" Lexa questioned, head slightly quirked to the side in confusion. Clarke couldn't help thinking of how cute the brunette looked in her confusion. _Better soak it up while you can, Griff. This'll be the last time you get the chance._

Clarke did just that. She took in Lexa's green, green eyes, the slope of her nose, the curve of her chin, the slight quirk in her lips as she smirked at Clarke... Wait.

Lexa was smirking at her?

Clarke shook her head trying to break herself out of her daze. She had to have missed something. Unless Lexa was now making fun of her. Which was also a possibility. Clarke had come in here peacocking to the max, and if Lexa didn't actually return her feelings then she just made a huge fool out of herself.

"Clarke," Lexa said again, crossing her arms across her chest, smirk still prominent. Clarke felt like all of her confidence had left her in the last two minutes.

"Yes?" she asked, and she hoped Lexa couldn't hear the slight waver in that one syllable.

Lexa leaned forward, resting her elbows and forearms on her desk. She chuckled softly. Oh how the tables have turned. "I asked when you were thinking of taking me out." She quirked an eyebrow. She was definitely enjoying the change of power.

When Clarke realized what she said, she had to contain the squeal of joy and happy dance that fought to escape her. Instead she took in a deep breath and recollected herself. If Lexa wanted to try to be the suave, confident one now, Clarke would play the card right back. This was her plan after all. She was in control here.

Clarke leaned a bit closer to Lexa again, dropping her voice to emphasize the rasp in it. "I was thinking Friday. Seven o'clock. Does that work?"

"Hm," Lexa hummed. "And just where were you thinking of taking me?" She leaned forward on her arms, pressing into Clarke's space.

Clarke smirked and pushed off the desk so that she was standing a bit away from the counter. "That, my dear Lexa, is a surprise. Are you agreeing to go with me?" Clarke pushed her hands into her back pockets, smirk swiftly shifting into a bright smile when Lexa nodded her head. "Great! I'll text you info about it later." Clarke stepped closer to the counter again, dropping her voice again and looking at Lexa through her eyelashes. "And, Lexa?"

Lexa seemed dazed for a moment before she leaned back in her chair. "Yes, Clarke?" Clarke held back her smirk when she heard the slight waver in Lexa's voice. Clarke was definitely winning the game again.

"Don't forget to put the books up," Clarke said cheekily, quickly patting the books she had placed on the counter twice before she turned and practically skipped out of the library.

So her plan didn't go quite as she had hoped, but she still got a date out of it in the end. And a date with Lexa was worth a slight change in plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's that! I hoped you liked it!
> 
> I should be throwing up the next chapter Monday or Tuesday, but not before then. Sorry, too much to do besides working on this (even though the next chapter's already written and edited and everything. If we look at it that way, you'd be getting most of the story in one sitting, and who'd actually want that? ;) ) 
> 
> As always, comments, kudos and the like are loved. Come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you feel so inclined!


	10. I Think I Like Your Hands in Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is clueless, Anya's a handful, Clarke locks down, and Raven's a godsend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your first chapter for the week! Let's get ready for the date.

Friday rolled around much quicker than Lexa expected it would. In fact, she had expected the time to drag until she would be able to go out on her date with Clarke. _This was a date, right?_

Lexa flopped down face first on her bed. She had been searching her closet for something to wear. It was already half past five, and Lexa was seriously beginning to stress out about the evening. She groaned into her pillow, shoving her face firmly into it.

"I didn't think that would be happening until after the formal part of your date," Anya said, sauntering into Lexa's room as if she owned the place.

Lexa turned her head to glare at her sister. "Rude," she barked before pushing her face back into her pillow. She felt the foot of the bed sink as Anya sat down on it. Her sister placed her hand on Lexa's left calf, softly rubbing the skin exposed there by Lexa's shorts. Lexa relaxed slightly into the comfort her sister provided.

"I don't really think it's rude to admit that I think you could get laid on a first date," Anya said, shrugging. "But if that's what you want to call it, maybe I'll take my services elsewhere. And here I was, coming to offer some help getting your sorry ass ready." Anya stood up after patting Lexa's leg once, sighing dramatically. "Oh well, then."

Lexa quickly sat up and twisted to grab at her sister's wrist, dragging her back onto the bed. "No! Please help!" Lexa begged, looking into her sister's eyes pleadingly.

Anya quirked an eyebrow. "Do my ears deceive me? Is the great Commander begging for help?" She smirked as she pulled her wrist free from Lexa's grip and leaned back on her hands as she placed them on the bed behind her.

Lexa scowled. "I thought we said we were going to drop that name?" she asked bitterly. And no, she was definitely not pouting. "And I actually have no idea what to wear tonight. I don't know what I'm doing here, Anya," Lexa admitted quietly. She was so beyond lost when it came to Clarke. She hadn't felt this way since... Well, she hadn't felt this way in a long while, and she didn't want to screw it up.

Lexa chewed on her bottom lip as she lost herself in thought. Clarke was wonderful. Granted, she didn't know too much about the girl, but from what she had been able to gather about her (such as her amazing artistic talent; Lexa had quite the collection of coffee cups growing), Lexa was smitten. She'd admit it, though only to herself. Lexa was smitten over Clarke, and she wanted to get to know the blonde inside and out. Lexa blushed slightly at the implication of that thought.

"From the look on your face, I'm guessing the suggestion of getting laid tonight may have wandered back through that brain of yours." Lexa's face reddened even more, if that were possible. Anya abruptly stood from the bed, dragging Lexa along with her. "Alright, get up. Let's get you set for tonight. What are the two of you doing?" Anya asked as she walked over to Lexa's closet and stood before the open doors with her hands on her hips. She surveyed Lexa's wardrobe as she waited for an answer.

"Uh, I don't actually know. Clarke wouldn't tell me. That's the problem here." Lexa moved to stand behind her sister, staring dejectedly at the floor of her room.

Anya tapped her chin thoughtfully before shifting through the clothes that Lexa had hanging in her closet. "So no idea if you'll be indoors or outdoors?" she asked, not looking away from her searching.

"No idea," Lexa said with a shrug.

"You're lucky that it's unnaturally warm out, then. Otherwise this would have been much more difficult." Anya pulled out a black, long sleeve, button up shirt and held it up to Lexa. She nodded before moving over to Lexa's dresser. "What'd you do with those dark blue skinny jeans?"

"Bottom drawer with all the rest of my pants." Lexa sat back down on her bed, letting Anya do her thing. Before she knew it, Anya had thrown an entire outfit on the bed, complete with her somewhat worn down boots.

"That'll do. It'll keep you warmer if you are outside, but you won't overheat if you're somewhere warm. I'd thrown in the leather jacket as well, just in case." Anya walked out of the room. "Now get dressed. We still have to get your makeup finished. Honestly, what would you do without me?"

Lexa chuckled before quickly disrobing and getting dressed in the outfit Anya picked out for her. She tucked the shirt into her pants and threw on the belt Anya had picked out before pulling her boots on over her jeans. She rolled her sleeves up to her elbows as she walked out to find Anya waiting in the bathroom for her.

"Alright, oh wise one. I would be lost without you. But, I do think I can do my makeup on my own. I've been doing that much for years." Lexa leaned against the door frame.

Anya looked her little sister up and down before dragging her into the bathroom and sitting her down on the counter. "You've also been dressing yourself for years, and look where you were tonight." She quickly gathered up some eye liner, mascara, and blush. "We're going to keep it simple tonight, though. Don't want to scare her away with the full Commander makeup."

"It was one time, Anya!" Lexa protested, swatting Anya's hand away from her face when she came at her with the eyeliner brush. Anya looked at her blankly until Lexa finally sighed and submitted herself to her sister's will. "Fine, whatever," Lexa mumbled when Anya brought her hand back up to her face.

"You're such a brat. Now sit still. Liquid eyeliner takes skill, and while I'm skilled, if you don't sit still it's going to go all over your face and the Commander will be making an appearance, whether you want her to or not." Anya smirked as Lexa tried to sit still.

"You're lucky you have a brush to my eyes or you would so be going down," Lexa grumbled, though she did manage to stay still as Anya grasped her chin a bit harder than she needed to. "No need to be rough, An."

"I thought you liked it rough, Lex," Anya replied suggestively. When Lexa opened her eyes after Anya released her, Anya was already rifling through her makeup bag again. "Just a bit of blush and you'll be set. Oh, mascara. Do you want mascara?"

Lexa nodded. "Just keep it light, alright?" Anya quickly applied the finishing touches to Lexa's makeup before patting her thigh.

"All finished. Now your hair." Anya looked her sister over once again, before letting her eyes linger on her long hair.

"There is nothing wrong with my hair, Anya."

Anya scoffed before reaching for her curling wand. "Let's just tame it a bit, yeah? Oh, don't give me that look. It's rare that I get to help you get sussed up for a date." Lexa was glowering at Anya, unamused by her antics. "Lex, please?" Anya asked when Lexa appeared to become even more stubborn about the issue.

Lexa sighed before giving in. She really couldn't deny her sister anything when she really asked. You'd think Anya was the younger of the two with how spoiled she was. Luckily, she didn't take too much time to do Lexa's hair. And she even threw in a few of Lexa's signature braids.

When Lexa was finally allowed to hop off the counter and look at herself, she was actually pretty pleased with the outcome. Her sister definitely had an eye for what looked good, and Lexa would admit that she did look good.

She turned to Anya and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks, Anya," she whispered while holding her sister to her. She felt Anya's arms come up to wrap around her waist.

"Any time, Lex." Anya may be a pain in the ass, but she definitely had Lexa's back whenever she needed. She patted Lexa's back before pushing her sister back. "Alright, get yourself out of here. Where are you meeting Clarke?"

"The cafe outside the library." Lexa looked at her watch and noticed that it was already quarter to seven. "And I've definitely got to get going. I'm running a bit late already."

Anya gasped exaggeratedly, throwing her hand over her mouth. "What? The perpetually punctual Commander is running late?"

Lexa rolled her eyes before walking out of the bathroom. "You're such an ass."

"But I'm a cute ass," Anya rebutted quickly, following Lexa into the living room where the older of the two plopped down onto the couch. "Don't forget your jacket. And I expect you home before one, young lady!"

"Okay, _mom_ ," Lexa chuckled. She grabbed her leather jacket off the coat rack and threw it across her arm. It was still warm enough outside that she wouldn't need it just yet. "Don't wait up," she said over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

"Oh you know I will be!" Anya yelled after her as Lexa pulled the door closed behind her.

* * *

 

"I've decided that you're not mature enough to go out on a date alone, and must therefore be chaperoned. And, though I do detest being dragged out, I've decided I will suffer being said chaperone. You're welcome," Raven declared, waltzing into Clarke's room and throwing herself on the blonde's bed dramatically. "You're really very lucky that I'm such a nice person."

Clarke rolled her eyes from where she was standing in front of her full length mirror. She sussed her hair a bit and checked her makeup and outfit one last time before turning to her friend. "You're not coming, Raven." She walked over to the bed to grab her purse before leaving her friend behind and walking out the door.

"No, but you will be tonight!" Raven cackled as she rolled off the bed and followed Clarke out of the room. "Or rather, you hope to be."

If Raven kept this up, Clarke's eyes would be stuck in a perpetual eye roll. "Raven. No."

Raven plopped down onto the couch when they entered the living room. "Ugh, fine. Take away all of my fun." She threw her head back and sighed dramatically. "Such a buzz-kill."

Clarke rummaged through her purse one last time to make sure she had everything. When she found her keys and pulled them out, she turned to Raven. "I'll be back before too late. Try not to burn the apartment down, okay?"

"Again, buzz-kill. And I'd just like to say that it'd be incredibly difficult for me to burn down the entire apartment complex. Just this one building, maybe. But the entire--"

"Raven."

"Okay, okay! Jeez." She looked Clarke over as the blonde gave her a firm stare. "You've gone into Doctor Abby mode, you know?"

Clarke sighed and let her shoulders drop. She knew she had taken on her mother's professional persona, but it was what both women did when they were nervous or stressed. They became no-nonsense, super serious people who didn't take crap from anyone. Granted, it definitely came handy some times.

"I know, Rae. I'm just really nervous about tonight," Clarke admitted, walking over to sit down next to her best friend. Raven lifted her arm so Clarke could press into her side, which Clarke did willingly.

"I know, Griff. But you got this. From what you've told us, this Lexa girl seems to be really into you. And you have a pretty chill night planned. Nothing to worry about, really." Clarke nodded into Raven's neck where she had buried her face. "You're going to mess up all that pretty makeup that you worked so hard on," Raven said softly. She knew how thrown off Clarke was by being this nervous. She hadn't been genuinely interested in someone in quite a while, and Raven was sure that Clarke was feeling out of practice.

Clarke confirmed that very thought just moments later. "What if I screw it up, though? I haven't been on a genuine date in so long, what if I try to move too fast? Or too slow? What if I've read everything wrong up to this point, and Lexa's just a genuinely nice person that can't turn someone down?"

Raven scoffed. "And all the sex-eyes? Or the flirting? I think you're in the clear about her liking you." Clarke smiled a bit at that. "Hey, sit up," Raven said, nudging Clarke's head with her shoulder that the blonde had leaned into. Raven braced both hands on Clarke's shoulders and stared her straight in the eye. "Look, you've got this. You've really got this, Clarke. Don't worry about how quick or slow you're taking it. Just go with what feels right. I'm sure Lexa's nervous as well, and she'll probably give you signs as to how quick she wants whatever you're starting to go. You've been building up to this date for over a month. Now pull out that famous Griffin confidence and go get your girl."

Clarke nodded along to what Raven was saying, honestly feeling more and more pumped up as Raven continued on. By the time Raven had finished her little speech, Clarke had her game face on and was ready to go out and 'get her girl', as Raven had put it.

Clarke nodded firmly one more time. "I totally got this!" she said, standing up from the couch. "Who can withstand the Griffin charm, anyway?" She looked back to Raven, who was looking up at her with a mix of pride and amusement. "Right?" Clarke asked, a bit weaker and self-conscious.

It was Raven's turn to roll her eyes as she stood up and took Clarke's shoulders again. She stared her straight in the eye for a moment before pulling the blonde into a tight embrace. "You've so got this, Griffin," she spoke softly into Clarke's ear before pushing her away and turning her toward the door. "You're going to go out there, pick up your date at the cafe, and give her a night to remember!" She pulled the door open before turning Clarke to her again so they were standing facing each other in the doorway.

"I got this," Clarke said more to herself than to Raven. "I totally got this. Lexa's going to be swept off her feet."

Raven chuckled but nodded enthusiastically. "That's the spirit!" she cheered as Clarke turned to walk away. Raven slapped her ass as she started to move away from the door. "You totally got this!"

Clarke flipped her off as she walked down the stairs. When she got out to her car, she pulled her phone from her purse.

**Clarke (6:30 PM): Thanks, Rae. I'll see you tonight**

**Raven (6:31 PM): I hope not. Maybe tomorrow morning ;)**

Clarke rolled her eyes again, but smiled fondly at her friend's antics. She could be a royal pain in the ass, but she was definitely Clarke's royal pain in the ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Next chapter the date begins. What's going to happen?? Who knows??? (I definitely do).
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Love it? Hate it? Want more of it? Never want to read another chapter again? Comment or give me some kudos to let me know!
> 
> Also, you can come find me on tumblr @musiclurv. Thanks for reading!!
> 
> P.S.: Anyone figuring out the lyrics? I'm going to post the complete chapter/lyric list at the end, but if you're curious about them, let me know.


	11. Maybe It's the Chemistry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's charming, Lexa's smitten, burgers are had, and Clarke has a surprise in store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as The Date Part I. Have fun, kids!

It didn't take long for Clarke to arrive at the cafe. It did, however, take her a good fifteen minutes to convince herself to get out of the car. And she was only able to do that because she wanted to make sure she gave herself enough time to sketch something on Lexa's cup again. It was, after all, becoming a tradition.

She walked into the cafe and looked around at the tables, sighing in relief when she didn't see Lexa yet. Lexa seemed like a very punctual person, so Clarke was glad to have beaten her there. When she walked up to the counter, the barista was already prepping her drink, with an empty cup waiting beside him. Clearly she bought coffee at this cafe far too often.

The barista handed Clarke the empty cup before he handed over her own drink. Clarke smiled thankfully before going to sit at one of the tables that had a clear view of the front door. She quickly sketched the diner that she was intending to take Lexa, as well as the street it resided on onto the cup before she brought it back up to the counter to hand to the barista to fill. Checking her watch as she waited for Lexa's coffee, Clarke noted that it was already a few minutes past seven and Lexa had yet to show up.

When the barista handed her the filled cup and Clarke paid for their drinks, Clarke made her way back to her table and sat to wait for Lexa. She glanced at her watch every couple of minutes, wondering where Lexa could possibly be. By quarter past, Clarke was beginning to think that Lexa might not show.

Right when Clarke was about to give up and call it a night, Lexa came stumbling through the cafe door. It was quite a change from their usual greetings, which usually included Clarke stumbling in to say a quick hello while trying to juggle far too many things at once. Lexa stopped in the doorway of the cafe to gather herself and take a deep breath. She looked around the cafe and spotted Clarke. The immediate smile on her face when she saw the blonde helped settle most of Clarke's nerves.

Lexa quickly made her way to Clarke's table and sat down opposite her. "I am so sorry I'm late. My sister decided to hold me hostage for a bit, and then I hit some traffic. Of course," Lexa said rolling her eyes. "Why is there construction going on at seven on a Friday night, anyway? It's ridiculous."

"No worries," Clarke said, waving Lexa's concern off. "I was running a bit late too, to be honest. But look," she held up Lexa's cup in front of her face, "coffee." Clarke quirked an eyebrow and waved the cup enticingly in front of Lexa. "Ya know you want it."

Lexa chuckled and took the cup from Clarke. "Coffee after seven on a Friday night. Makes perfect sense." She took a sip and sighed in contentment.

"Uh-huh. By the pleased look on your face, I'd say you quite enjoy a late night cup of coffee. And it's not even that late. I can't imagine that you've been out of school so long that you completely forgot what all-nighters were like." Clarke tilted her head in question. She honestly didn't even know how old the girl in front of her was. Or if she even went to college. Was she still in school? Clarke then realized how little she actually knew about Lexa.

Lexa shrugged before taking another sip of her coffee. She fiddled with the holder that was covering Clarke's drawing. "It's been a couple years now, actually. And I'm quite fond of not having to stay up all night trying to finish papers or get some last minute studying done anymore." She shuddered at the memory. "Not the best of times."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," Clarke quoted.

"Have you even read that book?" Lexa asked, quirking her eyebrow at the blonde's reference.

"Nope. Never want to, either," Clarke admitted without even a shred of shame.

Lexa laughed at the Clarke's blunt reply. "Fair enough. It wasn't my favorite, honestly."

"What was your major, anyway?" Clarke asked, truly curious. She found herself wanting to know as much about Lexa as possible.

"English Lit with a minor in Composition. Made for a lot of reading and writing, that's for sure." Lexa smiled as she reflected on her college years. "Though I'd go back in an instant if I could. There's nothing like college, honestly."

Clarke scrunched her nose and made a noise of disgust. "You're such a nerd," she teased. "I can't wait to be finished with school. The after-school part is a bit terrifying, though."

"It's not that bad, really. And you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure you'll do fine," Lexa comforted. "How much longer to you have? You're a med student, right?"

"That's right," Clarke confirmed with a hint of pride. "I'm in my last year of pre-med, and then I have to pass my MCAT before moving on to medical school. And then my residency. So I've still got quite a while before finally finishing up. But there's always going to be more things to learn in the medical field. I'll probably never actually be finished."

"What concentration are you looking at?" Lexa asked. She seemed genuinely interested in Clarke's career goals, which was great because Clarke could talk about being a doctor all day.

"I'd like to be a pediatric surgeon. My mother's also a surgeon, but she works with mostly adults and covers some emergency room shifts now." Clarke finished up her drink and stood from her seat. "Are you ready to head out?" she asked, holding her hand out to Lexa to help her stand.

Lexa looked at her in mild confusion. "Is our night over already?" she asked, her dejection not missed by Clarke.

Clarke quickly shook her head. "Oh no, not at all," she reassured. Lexa took her hand and stood, holding her now empty cup in her free hand. Clarke tossed out her own empty cup and led Lexa toward the exit of the cafe. "We're just getting started. But I thought you may be hungry and figured we could go out and grab a bite to eat. My favorite diner's not too far from here. How does that sound?" Clarke looked back over her shoulder as she led Lexa down the sidewalk and out into the parking lot, hands still firmly clasped. When Lexa nodded her head in agreement, Clarke faced forward again. She led Lexa to her car. "Do you mind if I drive us there?"

"By all means," Lexa agreed. Clarke opened her passenger door for Lexa to climb in, and finally let go of the brunette's hand. She realized once she let go how empty she felt without the other girl's hand in her own.

Shaking off the feeling, Clarke quickly jogged over to the driver's side and climbed in. She started the car and began the drive to the diner.

Focused on the road, she didn't notice Lexa discretely putting her empty coffee cup into her purse for safe keeping.

* * *

 

"So Clarke, you said before you had work. What do you do?" Lexa asked. They had arrived at the diner a bit ago and had just put in their orders. The conversation was flowing freely, and Lexa felt surprisingly at ease. Compared to her earlier nerves, this was a welcomed change.

Clarke nodded, leaning her elbows on the table. "I help out at the college gallery. Set up exhibits, talk to potential clients. Stuff like that." She took a sip of her water.

"That sounds awesome. I'm sure they welcome talent like yours."

"Talent like mine?" Clarke asked. It was then that Lexa realized that Clarke probably didn't know that Lexa had been collecting her coffee cup drawings.

Lexa nodded and leaned against her crossed arms on the table. "Yeah, talent like yours. You always seem to be sketching something into your notebooks while you're working at the library. And I've seen you pull out a sketch book every now and again. So I'd assume that you're pretty good."

Clarke nodded in understanding. "I guess I am. Doodling helps me concentrate. And the sketchbooks help me procrastinate." Clarke smiled cheekily, winking dramatically at Lexa.

Lexa laughed at Clarke's antics. "Of course. Why wouldn't I have thought of that?"

Clarke leaned back in her booth, shrugging her shoulders before throwing her arms across the back of the booth. "Clearly you're just not as creative as I am."

"Obviously. I could have told you that a long time ago," Lexa admitted. Clarke looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to elaborate. "You'd call yourself an artist, yes?" Lexa asked.

"I guess so, yes. I've always loved art." Clarke continued to watch Lexa as she pulled together what she was trying to say.

Lexa thought for a moment. She knew she was creative in a sense. But the scenes that Clarke came up with on her coffee cups every time she came into the library were seriously impressive. Lexa wrote stories. She came up with worlds that had never existed before. But she also kept that to herself. Yes, she wanted to get published some day, but for now her worlds were her own, and no one really knew that she created them. Well, Anya knew, but even she didn't get to read about them.

"Well, you create all the time. Landscapes, creatures, people... You think of every detail in them, and you can put it to paper. You don't explain it, you just make it. And other people can clearly see what you're trying to express. And you do it so well that there's no doubt that they won't see what you want them to. I'm honestly amazed that you could come up with so many ideas and actually take the time to create them."

Clarke leaned forward again, enraptured by Lexa's description. She smirked when Lexa finished speaking. "You say that as if you've studied my art before." She waited expectantly for Lexa to make her admission.

Lexa looked away from Clarke to see that the waiter was returning with their food. "Ah, look. Our food's here." Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lexa's diversion, but still sat back in her booth and let the subject drop for now.

The waiter placed their plates in front of them. Lexa had ordered a burger after Clarke's recommendation and own decision to order one as well. And after the first bite, Lexa was incredibly glad that Clarke had suggested it. It may have been the best burger Lexa had ever had. She moaned at the taste.

Clarke smiled at her from across the table, chewing on her own bite of burger. "I told you it was good," she chuckled after swallowing. "Best burgers this side of the Mississippi. And no one even realizes this place is right outside of DC."

"I don't know how this place isn't more popular. This is so good." Lexa took another bite of her burger, enjoying it immensely. "Shakes. Burgers need shakes. Would you like one?" Lexa asked, trying to catch their waiter's eye. Clarke smiled and nodded, munching on her fries.

Lexa ordered them both chocolate milkshakes, which were delivered quickly to their table.

"Burgers, fries, and shakes. The terrific trio. The trifecta of perfection. The trinity of tastiness." Clarke held up her burger in one hand and her milkshake in the other as if displaying trophies. "I give you, the tasty trio of terrific transcendence!"

Lexa chuckled. "Nice alliteration. I'm impressed."

Clarke set her burger and shake back on the table. "As you should be. I do pride myself in my use of alliteration."

"I'm sure you do," Lexa laughed around another bite of her burger. She swallowed some of her milkshake to chase it down. "So, Clarke," Lexa began.

"So, Lexa," Clarke interjected, prompting another soft chuckle from Lexa. She smiled at Lexa as she grabbed another fry.

"Tell me about yourself," Lexa continued.

"Not a whole lot to tell, to be honest. You already know I'm a pre-med student with far too much on my plate at the moment." She looked down at her plate that was still overflowing with fries and her burger. "Both literally and metaphorically, apparently." She laughed at her own joke and Lexa joined in with a soft chuckle a moment later. Clarke's laugh was far too infectious to not. "Why don't you tell me about you instead?" Clarke asked when she stopped laughing. She smiled softly at Lexa, waiting for an answer.

Lexa thought for a moment, mulling over what she should say. "Honestly, there's not much to say about me either. I'm a pretty boring person."

"I'm sure that's not true." Clarke waited for Lexa to give some other information, and when Lexa remained silent instead, Clarke placed her palms on the table and leaned forward, closing some of the distance between the two. Lexa looked at her in slight shock. "Alright, this is clearly getting us nowhere. How about twenty questions?"

Lexa smiled. "Just twenty?" she asked. She had just finished her burger and was working on finishing up her milkshake. Clarke still had quite a bit of food on her plate, but she seemed far more interested in talking than eating.

"For now. And that counts as one of yours," Clarke teased, poking her tongue out slightly between her teeth as she grinned at Lexa. Lexa's eyes shifted down to stare at Clarke's mouth for a moment before she caught herself and looked back up to Clarke's so very blue eyes. God, Lexa could get lost in those eyes.

"That doesn't seem quite fair, does it?" Lexa asked, leaning forward on her crossed arms on the table again.

Clarke threw a fry in her mouth before answering cheekily. "Sure it's fair. And that's you're second one. You're throwing away all your questions, Lexa. Better be careful."

Lexa scrunched up her nose before shaking her head and sighing in defeat. "Alright, alright. Well, since I've already used up two of mine, you should ask two of your own."

"That seems fair." Clarke tapped her chin with her finger, staring at the ceiling in thought. Lexa watched as the blonde's mind wandered to any number of questions that Lexa was sure were running through her brain. She smiled softly as Clarke's face scrunched up slightly in thought. Clarke abruptly looked at Lexa, catching the brunette in her staring. She smirked before asking her question. "Alright, Lexa. What's your favorite color?"

"It took you that long to come up with that?" Lexa teased the blonde across from her.

"Just answer the question," Clarke deadpanned with a roll of her eyes.

"Blue," Lexa answered without much thought. She hadn't really ever had a favorite color before, never really paying too much attention to such things. But after looking into Clarke's eyes, she could definitely say that blue was now her favorite color. Clarke blushed slightly as Lexa continued to stare into her eyes. "I think it's only fair that you answer as well," Lexa said softly, not breaking eye contact.

"Green," Clarke barely breathed out, staring right back into Lexa's eyes. Their stare was becoming far more intense than a diner setting called for, and Lexa was somewhat grateful (thought slightly disappointed) when Clarke cleared her throat and looked down to her plate, shaking her head slightly to clear her thoughts. Or maybe to organize them. If she was as flustered as Lexa was at the moment, she thought that may have been a better description.

"Uhm, dogs or cats?" Clarke asked, after she cleared her head.

"Dogs, definitely."

"Agreed. Cats are great and all, but I'm pretty sure they're trying to take over the world. And you can't take a cat on a walk."

"Au contraire," Lexa rejected. "I have definitely seen a cat out on a walk before." She sipped from her milkshake watching Clarke's reaction.

"No way," Clarke said, clearly trying to imagine a cat out on a walk. "Could you imagine a cat lady out walking all her cats?" she asked.

Lexa laughed at the image. "That would be a nightmare. Talk about world domination. Those cats would be everywhere."

"Poor old lady wouldn't have a chance," Clarke added, laughing at the thought.

The waiter brought over their bill while they were still laughing. He placed it down directly between them, eying the two women curiously at their continued laughter.

"Thank you," Lexa said to him, grabbing the bill before Clarke could. She pulled her wallet out of her purse and grabbed enough cash from it to cover their orders and the tip. "Keep the change," she said, handing the bill and money back to him.

"Thanks," the waiter said, walking away from the table and leaving Clarke and Lexa to themselves.

"You didn't have to pay," Clarke protested, pouting across from Lexa.

Lexa shrugged, grabbing her jacket from where she had thrown it beside her in the booth. "I wanted to."

"But I asked you out. I should have paid." Clarke crossed her arms and sank further into the booth, pout increasing. Lexa barely held in a coo at the sight of the adorable girl across from her. In that moment, she knew Clarke would be able to get anything from her with those puppy dog eyes.

"Next time," Lexa conceded. She hadn't realized what she had implied until Clarke perked up in her seat, smile spreading across her face.

"You want a next time?" Clarke asked, somewhat hesitantly even though the smile was still taking over her features.

Lexa smiled softly. "As long as you do, I definitely wouldn't mind a next time."

Clarke nodded enthusiastically. "And this time isn't even over yet! Come on, let's go," Clarke said excitedly as she scooted out of the booth. She held her hand out for Lexa again and pulled her out of the booth when she took it.

Eagerly pulling a smiling Lexa behind her, Clarke led the brunette out of the diner. Lexa assumed Clarke would be heading toward the parking lot and her car, but instead Clarke headed in the opposite direction.

"Uh, Clarke?" Lexa questioned. When Clarke hummed in response, Lexa continued. "Isn't the car the other way?" Lexa pointed over her shoulder, though she allowed Clarke to continue leading her by her other hand.

"Yep," Clarke said, tugging slightly on Lexa's hand to pull her so they were walking side by side. "It definitely is." Lexa looked over at the blonde to find Clarke smirking and watching Lexa out of the corner of her eye.

"And we are headed in this direction because...?" Lexa questioned. They continued walking and Clarke led them around the diner to a pathway the sidewalk led to that Lexa hadn't noticed before.

"You'll see," Clarke answered cryptically.

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand briefly before loosening her grip again. "You do realize that it's getting rather dark out, right?"

"Yep."

"And yet you want to walk down a dark path. Through the outskirts of the city. At night." Lexa wasn't really all that worried about the situation, but she did want to point out the safety issues involved. She sincerely hoped that Clarke didn't make a habit of doing things like this when she was alone. She paused and drew Clarke a bit closer to her, eyes widening. "Wait," she dropped her voice to a whisper. "Is this where you kill me?"

Clarke laughed. "No, this isn't where I kill you. That would be an awful waste of time. And, yes I do want to walk down a dark path at night," she answered, smile still present. She surreptitiously entwined her fingers with Lexa's and squeezed her hand softly. "Unless you're uncomfortable." Clarke's brow creased as worry took over her features. "We can definitely turn back and drive if you'd like. It's just actually quite a bit quicker walking." She slowed her pace and turned to look at Lexa, concern evident in her blue eyes.

Lexa shook her head, smiling softly. "This is fine. Just, tell me you don't regularly walk around here at night by yourself."

Clarke smiled softly. "I don't. I usually only come out here for the diner, anyway. I don't usually have to go to where I'm taking you." Clarke tilted her head to the path and began walking when Lexa nodded in consent.

"Where are you taking me?"

"I told you, it's a surprise. Hopefully you'll actually like it."

"I'm sure I'll love it."

They continued on, enjoying the comfortable silence that settled around them. Lexa took in the path they were walking on, constantly vigilant for any sound or movement. Sure, she wasn't necessarily worried, but all her martial arts training (that Anya insisted she attended) engrained constant awareness into her head. The reason she wasn't worried was actually all that training to begin with.

Clarke led Lexa to the end of the path and onto a pretty crowded, well lit street. After passing a few buildings that lined the street, she pulled Lexa to a stop in front of what looked like a warehouse.

"So, this is the art district. And it's First Friday," Clarke explained, though Lexa was still confused. She looked around the street to see vendors out selling wares, musicians playing on street corners, artists painting and drawing along the sidewalk, and hundreds of people milling about. "Have you ever heard of First Friday?" Clarke asked. Lexa shook her head, still trying to figure everything out. "It's basically an art night out on the town. People come and just experience life. Music, art, movies, drinks. A lot of people just come down to walk around. But," Clarke paused for dramatic effect, waiting for Lexa to look back at her. When Lexa did make eye contact again (though it took a moment as she was clearly enamored by everything going on around them) Clarke continued. "But, I brought you specifically here for this." She held her hands out before her, presenting the building that they had stopped in front of. Lexa noticed that Clarke didn't drop her hand, dragging her left hand along in the blonde's right as she flung her arms out dramatically.

Lexa took in the building. It didn't appear to be anything really spectacular. It was an old brick building, and looked to be two, maybe three floors. It stood apart from the buildings surrounding it, alleys on both sides. The brick work along the front of the building was painted over with intricate designs, though there was nothing really to indicate what was inside the building.

"Uh-huh. And what exactly is this?" Lexa questioned, looking over to find a beaming Clarke.

"That, Lexa, is something you're going to have to see for yourself. Want to head inside?" Clarke raised her eyebrows expectantly. She was bouncing excitedly on the soles of her feet, and Lexa couldn't help her own excitement from beginning to bubble up at seeing Clarke so excited.

She nodded and Clarke grasped her hand in both of her own, walking backward toward the building.

"Alright, close your eyes," Clarke instructed, watching Lexa expectantly as they neared the front door of the building. "And no peaking."

"Yes, ma'am," Lexa replied with a smirk. She closed her eyes and trusted Clarke not to run her into anything.

She heard the door open and Clarke pulled her through before closing the door behind them. Clarke let go of Lexa's hand and moved behind her, placing her hands on the taller girl's shoulders. She nudged Lexa forward a few steps and then stopped her.

"Alright," Clarke whispered in her ear, surprising Lexa with how close she actually was. Clarke's chest pressed up against her back as she leaned closer to Lexa, her breath ghosting over Lexa's ear as she spoke softly. "Open your eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does she see??? WHAT IS IT???? 
> 
> I hope you all liked that little update (that was actually pretty long, I think). Also, you can blame my friend for not getting the whole date. She wanted to make you all suffer and wait like I made her suffer and wait when she first read this part. 
> 
> The next chapter should be up MONDAY! And then the following on Thursday. At least, that's the plan right now. So keep an eye out.
> 
> Also, just so you all know, you are now at page 50 in my document of 338 pages for this story. And there are going to be quite a few more written as well. Just to give you an idea of how much you have left of this story.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are loved. And I'd love it even more if you reached out to me on tumblr @musiclurv
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	12. All I Can Say is You Blow Me Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's amazed, Clarke is charmed, and the magic of First Friday takes hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Date Part II for your viewing pleasure. Sorry for the weekend-long wait. You can blame my friend for all longing and suffering. At least it was all for more fluff and not for a conclusion to angst or something, right? Right.

Clarke had never seen such wonder take over someone's features like it did Lexa's. She marveled at the awestruck look that came over Lexa, her eyes widening and mouth falling open slightly as she took in all the artwork that surrounded them.

She let the brunette stand there, taking in the overall feel of the gallery for far longer than was probably necessary. But the childlike amazement that Lexa was exuding was more important.

* * *

 

Lexa opened here eyes and immediately felt her jaw drop. They were standing in the entrance to an art gallery, walls covered with different styles of art. There were statues and metalwork displayed throughout the room, with dividers placed to dissect the large warehouse into sections. The lighting was perfect to accentuate the artwork on display, fairy lights hanging from the ceiling to add to the atmosphere. Soft music filtered through the space.

Lexa's eyes wandered around the room, and she was certain that they had been standing in the entryway for longer than they should, blocking the way for other patrons. There weren't that many people wandering about the gallery though, so she wasn't too worried about people being annoyed with them.

When she had finally taken in as much as she could from where they were standing, Lexa looked over to Clarke to find the blonde watching her reaction with a small smile pulling at her lips.

"You like it?" Clarke asked softly, speaking only loud enough that Lexa could hear her.

Lexa nodded dumbfounded, still recovering from the amazement that she felt take over her.

"Want to explore a bit?" Clarke suggested, tugging lightly on Lexa's hand that she had grabbed again while Lexa was taking in the building. Lexa nodded and let Clarke lead her to the back of the room, past dozens of pieces littering the walls and open space of the warehouse. "Not many people realize that you're actually supposed to start in the back with this exhibit. Take in everything quickly while walking past, and then go back through and realize what all you've missed with just quick glances. Kind of a play off of hindsight being 20/20," Clarke excitedly explained. She kept her voice soft so as not to break through the atmosphere of the building. "That's why the coffee's at the back. To draw people back here. Would you like something?"

She turned to Lexa as they came upon a small drink bar at the back of the warehouse. A young woman was manning the station, smiling at them as she waited for their orders.

"Whatever you'd like," Lexa answered, looking around them at the smaller pieces that adorned the back wall. "Are these pieces part of the exhibit?" she asked, watching as Clarke quickly ordered a couple cups of hot chocolate.

"Everything's part of the exhibit, Lex. Even you and me." Clarke watched the girl behind the drink stand, waiting for their cups. When she turned to give Lexa hers, she paused at the look of surprise and a bit of confusion on Lexa's face. "Is something wrong?"

Lexa shook her head, snapping herself out of her surprise. "No, nothing's wrong. You just called me Lex, is all. I wasn't expecting it."

"Oh, I could not if you'd like. It just kinda slipped out," Clarke handed Lexa her cup, looking slightly worried that she may have overstepped some invisible boundary.

"No, no. It's fine," Lexa confirmed, taking the offered cup. She smiled at Clarke and took her hand once again. "So where do we start?" she asked, looking around at the walls surrounding them. There were so many pieces to take in, and she wondered if they'd really be able to appreciate them all.

Clarke nodded and squeezed Lexa's hand softly. "Right here. And then we just... Go. Experience. There's not a direct path. Just take it all in." She started leading Lexa slowly to the closest dividing wall. "Go where you feel you need to. Let the art lead you."

Lexa smiled at Clarke, enamored by the pure passion that was evident in every word she spoke. The blonde really did live and breathe art. She was living art.

"You're supposed to be taking in the art, Lexa." Clarke smirked slightly, not taking her eyes off of the piece they were standing in front of. Lexa hadn't even realized she had been staring at Clarke's profile until the blonde had interrupted her thoughts.

"I thought you said everything was part of the exhibit? And from where I'm standing, I'm definitely looking at the most beautiful piece here." Lexa mentally patted herself on the back for how smooth that actually was. She was surprised that it came so easily to her. The slight blush that spread across Clarke's cheeks as her smirk softened into a smile only reinforced her confidence in the statement.

"Just look at the piece," Clarke mumbled, clearly a bit flustered. Lexa chuckled softly and then turned her attention to the art on the walls. (Though she would stick by Clarke being the most beautiful thing in the building.)

* * *

 

They wandered about the exhibit for what seemed like both hours and seconds. Clarke would comment on piece placement occasionally, but otherwise allowed Lexa to take in everything for herself. Lexa would point out her favorite pieces, though Clarke didn't really need her to do so as the brunette would pause for much longer in front of those pieces.

They were standing in front of one such piece, when Lexa pointed out something that Clarke hadn't really noticed before.

"These pieces, they all seem so similar, and yet they all have variants in the toning and central subject. Almost like a life passing by, searching for something."

"All of them?" Clarke asked, intrigued by Lexa's input.

Lexa shook her head. "No, not all of them. The one's I've pointed out. You said all of these pieces come from different artists, right?" Clarke hummed in confirmation. "Were they all given the theme?"

"Loosely."

"Why are all these so similar then? Can we go back through quickly? I'd like to look at all these again." Lexa began walking back to the first painting she had pointed out before Clarke could even agree, dragging Clarke by the hand. "See?" she asked when they got to the first piece again. "It's so similar, yet so different. It's brighter, more hopeful than that last piece. You said that this is technically the end, right? Symbolizing the end of the journey?"

"Right." Clarke was loving watching Lexa work out what she was seeing.

"So we began at the 'end' of the journey, and work our way back to experience hindsight. To experience looking back over a journey once you meet the end." Lexa began walking back toward the front of the building, pausing in front of each piece she had previously pointed out.

"Mhm." Clarke hummed, following along with the brunette.

Lexa stopped and examined a piece that was almost dead center in the building. She stood there silently for a long moment during which Clarke watched her think over the piece.

"This one," Lexa said, pointing to the piece with her free hand. She looked back toward the last piece they walked past and the one that would be following. They couldn't actually see them from where they were standing, but Clarke knew she was reimagining them in her head. "It's so much darker than the others. Like a turning point, almost."

"It is," Clarke confirmed, looking over the piece as well. She lost herself for a moment in the swirls of dark blues and greens, almost depicting a barely healing bruise.

Lexa leaned closer to the painting, really trying to see it. "Then what changed? Why did it get so dark so quickly?"

"Pain. Loss. Emptiness." Clarke's voice was soft with sadness and Lexa looked over to her quickly. Clarke tried to compose herself, clearing her throat and giving a soft squeeze to Lexa's hand before the brunette could question her. "So, what's your conclusion, oh wise art critic?" She smiled, though she knew that it wasn't actually reaching her eyes. The memory of the pain of that time still weighed heavily on her shoulders.

Lexa watched her for a moment longer before walking back toward the back of the building, stopping at the very last piece. It was lighter, more hopeful. Lexa pulled Clarke to a stop in front of it. "This is probably my favorite piece in the entire gallery." She looked at it almost reverently. "It's really beautiful."

"Do you really think so?" Clarke reached forward without thinking, lightly running her hand across the peaks of the paint across the canvas. She always loved the feeling of paintings when they were finished. How they spoke through their edges and curves.

"Should you be touching that?" Lexa asked, looking around nervously.

"No one will mind," Clarke said, though she pulled her hand back and let it drop to her side.

Lexa watched her for a moment, waiting.

"Why is that?" Lexa finally asked when Clarke provided no further explanation.

Clarke shrugged and turned her head with a soft smile to Lexa. "Because they're mine."

Lexa's mouth fell open in a soft gasp again. Clarke watched as amazement slowly took over the brunette's features, chuckling softly as she turned back to the painting.

"All of them?" Lexa whispered, still watching Clarke. Clarke could see her out of the corner of her eye and noticed that Lexa was still looking rather amazed at the concept.

"Not all of them," Clarke said, shaking her head. She reached forward again and ran her fingers across the painting before turning to Lexa and pulling her toward the front of the gallery. "Oddly enough, only the ones you pointed out as your favorites." She smirked a bit as she looked over at Lexa walking beside her.

"Of course," Lexa mumbled as she looked at each painting they passed, trying to take it all in again before they left.

"Why do you say that?" Clarke asked as they neared the exit. She pulled Lexa to a stop once they walked out of the building. They stood a little to the side of the door, making sure not to block the entrance from others.

Lexa shrugged. "It just makes sense that one artist would have painted them all," she explained. Clarke felt that she was leaving something out of her explanation, but she let it drop.

They walked down the sidewalk, Lexa taking in all the activity that was slowly dying down as the night dragged on. It was late, Clarke noted as she looked at her watch. Most people would be heading home for the evening, leaving the dream that was First Friday behind them.

"Would you like to--" Clarke began before being quickly cut off.

"I recognized them," Lexa blurted. Clarke stuttered to a stop on the sidewalk. Lexa stopped walking when she felt the pull on her hand.

Clarke stared at Lexa, confusion evident in her features. She felt her eyebrows creasing and knew that her nose was scrunching up as well. Lexa couldn't have actually recognized them. She had never shown anyone those paintings before the gallery opening tonight. And they'd taken years to make, with the most recent being finished just the week before. Not even Raven had seen a glimpse of them.

Lexa walked back toward Clarke to stand in front of her. She took the blonde's other hand in hers so that their hands swung between them. She stroked the backs of Clarke's hands gently with her thumbs, and Clarke felt calmer than she could ever remember.

"I guess that wasn't the right word choice," Lexa explained, shyly looking down at the sidewalk. "I recognized the style, I guess? The emotion? I don't really know. They felt familiar to me." She looked up at Clarke through her lashes, nervousness flowing from her. "Is that weird?'

Clarke smiled softly when she finally understood. "No, not weird at all. Though, I do think you have an admission to make." Clarke tilted her head to the side, waiting for Lexa to catch on to what she was implying. There was honestly no way that Lexa would have been able to recognize the style behind her work unless she had actually been seeing her coffee cup drawings.

Lexa smiled sheepishly and disentangled one of their hands. She reached for her bag and unzipped it before digging through it quickly. When she pulled out the coffee cup from earlier, Clarke's smile widened so much that her cheeks hurt.

"I may have a small collection of my own by that particular artists," Lexa admitted, a slight blush gracing her cheeks though her smile never faltered.

Clarke pulled Lexa in a bit closer by her hand, the coffee cup still held up between them. "All of them?" she asked.

"All of them," Lexa said, her breath ghosting across Clarke's face. She stepped a bit closer. They were standing so close now that Clarke could see the different shades of green that danced in Lexa's eyes.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Clarke's voice was barely above a whisper, her eyes searching Lexa's face.

Lexa put the cup back in her bag gently. "I honestly don't know. It felt like a secret. I honestly thought you knew when you kept drawing for me."

Clarke shook her head, smiling softly. "I didn't think you'd seen any of them. You never reacted. I assumed you threw them all away."

"I'd never throw away a piece of art." Lexa's voice was tinged with a hint of a meaning that Clarke couldn't decipher.

"I'd hardly call sketches on paper cups art." They were mere inches away, and Clarke had no idea why she was still prolonging this conversation. She glanced down at Lexa's lips before darting her eyes back up to look into Lexa's. Lexa's eyes shifted back up a second later, and Clarke was almost completely sure that they both wanted the same thing.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, barely louder than a breath.

"Yes?" Clarke matched her tone.

"Can I kiss you?" Lexa searched Clarke's eyes, darting back and forth between them. Clarke barely nodded before Lexa was leaning in, brushing her lips lightly against Clarke's.

Clarke gasped at the first brush of lips on lips. Never could her imagination match the softness of Lexa's lips. She wanted more before Lexa even pulled away.

Lexa waited a moment, lips barely parted from Clarke's and inviting her in for more. Clarke pushed forward without a second thought, sealing their lips together more firmly.

They pressed together, though the kiss remained no more heated than the press of lips. Clarke sighed softly as Lexa pulled away, tilting her head and brushing the tip of her nose against Clarke's before leaning in once again. She felt Lexa smile against her lips and couldn't keep herself from smiling as well.

Any thought of nervousness vanished from both their minds. They had never felt more at peace than in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The date! I hope it satisfied all your expectations. Up next we have some responses to said date with appearances from all your favorites: Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake and Anya Woods. It'll be a blast and we'll get to see these two nerds flounder over their feelings. Good times had by all.
> 
> Thanks for reading! And as always, leave me a comment or some kudos if you're loving it. If you're not loving it, then you can also leave me comments with constructive criticism. That's always helpful. AND, if there are any scenes or types of scenes you would just LOVE to see in upcoming chapters, let me know. I've had one request recently that I've squeezed into a future chapter, and I'd love to do more of those if possible. 
> 
> Next chapter up Thursday (hopefully)
> 
> Come find me on tumblr @musiclurv


	13. Wait Till the Warm-Up is Underway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date aftermath, and Raven, Octavia, and Anya all have different ways to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two sides of the same coin, right? Have fun!

"Well, well, well. Look who's coming in at past one in the morning."

Clarke raised her hand to silence Raven before she could really get started. She kicked her shoes off by the door, depositing her keys on one of the hooks on the wall. "Shut it, Reyes."

"Yeah, Rae. Leave Clarke alone," Octavia added as she flipped through a magazine while huddled into Raven's side.

"Thank you, O." Clarke sighed happily as she sat down in the little space left on the couch beside her friends.

"After all, she may have finally gotten laid tonight," Octavia continued, glancing at Clarke triumphantly over her magazine.

Clarke groaned and flopped her head back against the back of the couch. "You know, last I checked you had your own apartment."

"And last I checked I was the only thing classing up this place." Octavia returned to the article she was reading.

"Ouch."

"Other than you, babe." She absentmindedly patted Raven's arm that rested around her stomach.

"That's what I thought." Raven leaned over with a smile on her face to kiss the top of Octavia's head.

Clarke watched her friends and tried to hide her smile. They were disgustingly cute, and incredibly good for each other. It took them long enough to finally figure out that they liked each other. From the constant touches to the lingering stares, Clarke had known the two were both interested within the first few months of them knowing each other. And that was a good few years before Raven was finally able to woman up and ask the other brunette out on a date. The rest, as they say, was history.

"You two are gross," Clarke said, though her voice betrayed her amusement.

Raven shrugged, making Octavia's head rise and fall with the motion. "And yet we're still pretty much your only friends."

"That's a lie and you know it. What about Bell, Jasper, Monty, Harper, and everyone else? And Lexa! I have plenty of friends."

"Then why are we the only two you ever actually hang out with?"

Clarke saw Octavia smirking at her girlfriend's question. "She has a point, you know."

"Oh shut up. I was literally just out with someone that wasn't either of you." Clarke stretched her arms across the back of the couch, swatting at Raven's hand as she tried to push the blonde's arm off the back.

"Your girlfriend doesn't count." Raven didn't take her eyes off whatever program she was watching on the TV as she waved Clarke off.

Clarke slumped down into the couch. "Not my girlfriend," she mumbled. Though, she soon would be if Clarke had anything to say about it.

"And on that note," Octavia began, sitting up and giving Clarke all of her attention. "How'd the date go?" Raven muted the TV and also looked over to Clarke.

Clarke sighed happily and pulled a pillow to her chest, hugging it tightly. She hid her smile in the soft fabric of the pillow case that rubbed against her face. "It went really well," she admitted. She closed her eyes and played the night's events out in her mind again, as she had been since she left Lexa back at the library parking lot.

"Is that really all you're going to give up?" Raven asked, quirking an eyebrow. Raven was definitely not a patient person, and she was not going to be willing to let Clarke just leave it at that.

Clarke shrugged. "There's really not too much to tell. We had a nice evening."

"Better than nice by the hour you came back," Octavia prompted. "Not many can keep the future Doctor Griffin out past midnight these days."

"It's a Friday." Clarke side eyed her friends, watching as they continued to stare at her. She knew they were waiting for all the details, but they were going to have to work for it if they really wanted to know. Clarke rarely got the chance to hold something like this over them. "Anyway," Clarke said, standing up and stretching, "I'm headed to bed. Long night, and I'm looking forward to sleeping in in the morning. Goodnight." She began walking down the hall toward her room.

She heard Raven scramble off the couch and follow her, Octavia trailing behind not a second later. "Griffin, you better get your ass in gear and let us in on all the juicy details. Where did you even go? What did you do? Did you make out in your car? I know that's something you like to do on occasion. _Did_ you get laid? You don't seem to have that after sex glow, and I'd hope you wouldn't just leave the girl after sleeping with her."

Clarke walked into her room, chuckling at Raven's interrogation. She knew her friend wouldn't be able to hold back from asking everything on her mind.

"I told you already, it went well. We had fun. Now I'm home." She sat down on her bed, looking over at her friends that were standing in her doorway.

" _Claaaarrke_ ," Raven whined, walking into the room and plopping down on the bed next to her. Clarke scooted back on the bed to lean against her headboard, legs crossed in front of her. Raven stared at her pleadingly.

Clarke laughed, and motioned for Octavia to join them on the bed. The brunette did, though with much more poise and dignity than her girlfriend. She sat next to Clarke, and Raven moved to lay her head in her girlfriend's lap. Clarke patted her own lap after stretching her legs out, and Raven stretched her own legs across Clarke's lap. Clarke began unstrapping Raven's brace, knowing that by the end of the week, Raven's bum leg was usually bothering her more than she would let on.

She massaged Raven's leg as she thought of what to tell them. Both of her friends watched her eagerly, Raven actually smiling gratefully at her for a moment.

"Spill, Griff," Octavia finally said, breaking the silence.

Clarke stared down at her hands as they worked against Raven's leg. "Well, like I said, it was really nice. We met at the café and had some coffee together. Then I took her to that diner that I really like. You know, the one just off campus?" Her two friends nodded, encouraging her to continue. "We ate, got to know each other. Went for a walk to the art district."

"Ooh," Raven interjected excitedly. "Did you take her to the opening?"

Clarke nodded, a soft smile forming on her lips. "I did."

"What did she think?" Octavia asked.

"I didn't tell her any of the pieces were mine to begin with. I wanted an unbiased opinion from her. She still somehow managed to pick out every single one of my pieces." She paused, her smile spreading. "She said the collection was her favorite," she said, barely above a whisper.

"Well that's something, isn't it?" Raven asked after a moment of silence, nudging Clarke's stomach with her shin.

"It is," Clarke agreed, stopping her massaging of Raven's leg and looking up to make eye contact with her. She looked between Raven and Octavia before continuing. "She explained the pieces even better than I could have. And she didn't even know they were all by the same artist, let alone that I painted them. When she finally found out that they were mine she seemed so amazed." Clarke trailed off, imagining the look Lexa gave her after realizing Clarke had painted all the pieces she pointed out.

"Well, that's reasonable. Your art's amazing," Raven said. "Speaking of which, when are we going to be allowed to see them. You've been working on this collection for how long now? And yet you've somehow been able to keep them from us."

"You can go to the gallery any time you want," Clarke said, going back to massaging Raven's leg absentmindedly.

"We want you to show us through them," Octavia said. "Anyway, back to your date. So Lexa was amazed at your amazing art. What happened next?"

Clarke chewed on her bottom lip, trying to keep her smile from spreading too much. "Then we walk around the town a bit and went back to the cafe. And now I'm here."

They sat in silence for a moment, Raven and Octavia studying Clarke's expression.

"Uh-huh. That's all?" Octavia asked from beside her. She was looking at Clarke curiously when Clarke chanced a glance at her.

Clarke shrugged, looking back down at Raven's leg. Even biting her lip couldn't keep her smile in this time. "We may have kissed."

"Clarke Griffin! I can't believe you were going to keep that information from us!" Octavia objected, smacking Clarke's arm with the back of her hand.

Clarke laughed, rubbing her arm. She was sure that was going to bruise. Octavia often forgot how strong she actually was.

"You're awfully quiet," Clarke said to Raven, nudging her leg softly. Raven continued to watch her silently, a considering look on her face.

She pressed her leg into Clarke's stomach discretely while continued to observe the blonde. She wasn't usually an overly affectionate person physically to anyone that wasn't Octavia, and Clarke knew the gesture was meant to be comforting.

After another few moments of silence with Octavia running her hands through Raven's hair, and Raven and Clarke having a stare down, Raven broke into a cheeky grin. Clarke groaned internally, knowing that that smile never meant anything good.

"You want to bang her," Raven said, lifting her eyebrows conspiratorially. "You _totally_ want to bang her!"

Clarke threw her head back against the headboard, groaning loudly now. "That is so not--"

"Not what? True? Are you saying you don't want to get in on that action?" Raven wiggled her eyebrows.

Clarke pushed Raven's legs off of her lap, standing up and walking over to her dresser to pull out some pajamas. "You're ridiculous, you know that? Absolutely ridiculous."

"I don't hear you denying it."

"That's not the point!"

"Sure it is. You want to bang her. I'm sure she wants to bang you. You've showed off your amazing talents. She's probably very interested in what else those talented hands of yours can do." Raven sat up on the bed, Octavia smiling from her position against the headboard.

"Stop being an ass, Rae." Octavia pressed her hand into Raven's back as she sat forward. "Clarke won't admit it anyway. She's a very private person," she continued conspiratorially. The shit eating grin on her face told Clarke all she needed to know. Octavia was not on her side in this, no matter how much her words would imply she was. Clarke braced herself for what she knew was probably coming.

Raven scoffed. "You haven't had to stay in this apartment during a one night stand. Definitely not a private person by any means. So much noise."

Clarke felt her face turn a dark shade of red. "That hasn't happened!"

"Not for a couple of years, anyway. Which is why you need to get laid. I just ask that you do it somewhere not in this apartment. I don't think my pure, innocent ears can handle that."

Clarke pointed at her friends, both wearing matching grins. "You two have no room to talk. If I have to hear you going at it one more time..." Clarke trailed off, trying to sound intimidating.

"You'll go out and take out your sexual frustration on Lexa?" Raven suggested, once again waggling her eyebrows.

Clarke threw her hands up in the air. "You two are the worst! Get out of my room. I'm going to bed." Clarke moved over to the bed, ready to push the two out of it if she had to.

"Too bad Lexa won't be joining you," Raven said before quickly strapping her leg brace on correctly and standing from the bed, dragging Octavia with her.

Clarke grabbed a pillow and started hitting Raven with it. "Get out!" she yelled. "You're such an ass!" She tried to sound angry. She really did. But the smile on her face just wouldn't leave her.

She totally blamed Lexa for that.

* * *

 

Lexa slowly and quietly pushed her front door open. If Anya was asleep, she wanted to keep it that way. The last thing she really wanted was to end this night batting off her sister's incessant teasing.

She tiptoed across the entry way and placed her bag on the kitchen counter. The lights were off around the apartment, but the TV was playing quietly in the living room. Lexa decided her best bet was just heading to her room, but before she could actually put that plan into affect, her sister called from where she was laying on the couch.

"Don't think you're just going to sneak past me." Anya sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. The blanket she had wrapped around her fell to lay in her lap. Lexa rolled her eyes, but walked over to the couch anyway. She hoped that if she didn't actually sit down, her sister would keep it short.

"Shouldn't you be asleep by now, old lady?" Lexa shoved her hands in her pockets and looked down at her sister who looked like she was about to drop back to sleep any second.

Anya glared at her to the best of her ability. "Just because I'm a few years older than you does not mean that I can't stay up late anymore."

Lexa chuckled. "An, you look like you're about to fall asleep sitting up."

Anya waved her off. "Doesn't matter. How'd it go?"

"Fine." Lexa shrugged, finally slumping down onto the couch and accepting the inevitability of her interrogation.

"Just fine? I'm sure it was better than that seeing as you didn't get back until..." she trailed off, squinting at the clock hanging on the wall. "Does that say two?"

"One. Going blind?" Lexa teased, hoping to divert her sister's questioning.

Anya glared again at Lexa. "No. I took my contacts out and didn't feel like laying down with my glasses on. You know how that feels. You have worse eyesight than I do." Lexa stuck her tongue out. "Real mature, Commander."

"Shut up," Lexa huffed out, crossing her arms.

"Is that..." Anya leaned closer, examining Lexa's face. She grumbled and reached to the coffee table and pulled her glasses on quickly. "My god, it is! You can't even pout without that smile taking over. It must have gone really well tonight, if the great, stoic Commander is showing this much happiness."

Lexa shoved Anya's shoulder, pushing her sister away from her. Anya moved with the push, laying back down on the couch and throwing her legs over Lexa's thighs.

"It went well," Lexa said when Anya just continued to look expectantly at her. "Really well."

"Is that really all you're going to give me? I mean, seriously. Give me some details. She could have been planning anything for all you knew before you left. You could have died and I wouldn't have known until the news report tomorrow morning. 'Breaking News: Young, annoying librarian found dead after horrible date with super hot blonde. Sister distraught. More at eleven'," Anya said, mimicking a news announcer, her hands moving around dramatically.

Lexa rolled her eyes, shoving Anya's legs off of her, and stood up again. "It was really nice. We had coffee, went to dinner at a diner, went to an art gallery. Now, I'm going to bed and so should you. It's late." She walked toward her room, grabbing her bag along the way. Anya followed her, her socked feet shuffling against the hardwood floors.

"Did you kiss her?" Anya asked, watching from the doorway to Lexa's bedroom as Lexa pulled out another paper coffee cup. Lexa placed the cup next to all the others along her shelf. She was running out of room and would need to get new shelving if Clarke kept drawing for her.

"Is that any of your business?" Lexa asked, avoiding looking at her sister by unbuttoning her shirt and grabbing her sleep shirt to replace it with.

"I'll take that as a yes." Lexa changed her pants as well, neither confirming nor denying her sister's conclusion. "So you'll be seeing her again, then?" Anya asked curiously.

"Of course. She does study at the library I work at." Lexa moved to lay down on her bed and Anya joined her. Lexa lay on her back with Anya laying on her side, her head resting in her hand to look down at her younger sister.

"You know damn well what I mean," Anya poked Lexa's side, making her jump and cringe away from her.

"Don't."

"Spill, or I will."

"Anya, don't." Lexa looked at Anya, bracing herself for the inevitable attack.

The two stared each other down for a long moment, silence thick with tension around them. Then, without warning, Anya attacked, tackling Lexa back down on the bed, straddling her and moving her fingers over her younger sister's sides.

Lexa twisted and pushed, trying to free herself of the tickle attack that she knew would come if she denied her sister anything. It was an unfair advantage as Anya had somehow trained herself to not be ticklish no matter what. As Lexa gasped for breath, Anya let up for a moment, though she kept her sister weighted to the bed.

"You going to talk?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow, hands poised to begin their ruthless attack again.

"Okay, okay," Lexa gasped, trying to regain her breath. She hated being tickled, though Anya knew that and took advantage of it at any and every opportunity.

Anya rolled off Lexa, sure that the younger of the two would be honorable in her defeat.

After another moment of silence in which Lexa struggled to breathe normally, Lexa sat up and looked over to her older sister. "I hope that we'll go out again. I think it went well enough to warrant another date."

"When are you going to ask her?" Anya asked, sitting up beside Lexa.

Lexa shrugged. "It's a bit soon to ask this morning, isn't it?" Lexa cringed sheepishly at her statement. She definitely sounded a bit desperate, but she really just wanted to see Clarke again as soon as possible.

"I'd probably wait at least until you see her again. Let the poor girl get some sleep before you wow her with your undeniable charm once again.'I guess you could grab a bagel next time'," Anya mocked in a poor imitation of Lexa's voice.

"Oh let it drop! I didn't know she was implying a date!" Lexa shouted, pulling her pillow from behind her and whacking Anya across the face with it.

Anya quickly grabbed the pillow from Lexa. "Are we really going to start this?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Lexa felt her stomach drop. She knew she just started something that Anya was going to finish unless she back peddled as quickly as possible. "That was a great representation of me," Lexa squeaked out, trying to keep the fear from her voice. "Very well executed."

"I'll tell you who's about to be executed," Anya said lowly, the warning very clear.

Lexa gulped. _Oh shit_.

They both stared at each other for a moment, neither moving more than to breathe. Before Anya had a chance to fully calculate the abundance of pain she would bestow upon Lexa, Lexa jumped up from the bed and sprinted to the bathroom, throwing the door shut behind her and locking it as quickly as possible.

Anya slammed into the door, pounding her fist into it. "You better open this door right this instant!" She pounded against it again, and Lexa felt the door shaking against her back as she leaned against it, trying to reinforce the seemingly flimsy piece of wood. She had never before doubted the sturdiness of her door as much as in this instant.

"I will not!" she shouted back, and she could have sworn the door almost came off the hinges as Anya rammed into it again.

"Lexa, I swear to everything that is holy, if you do not open this door right now you're going to be in far more pain than you can ever remember experiencing before!"

"What about the time I broke my leg?" Lexa egged on, searching around the bathroom for something within reaching distance to fight back with. If she could hold her sister off for long enough to just find _something_.

"Oh, you don't even know pain." The anger in Anya's voice was calming, though that was even more disconcerting to Lexa. The real pain came when Anya went into her angry calm. That's when she was most dangerous, and Lexa knew that her window of opportunity to get out of this with just a bruise or two was shrinking by the second.

"You know you're the best sister ever, right?" Lexa asked through the door, hoping that maybe a bit of flattery would get her somewhere. "And those glasses look sublime on you."

"You mean the glasses you just tried to smash into my face?" The banging on the door stopped, and Lexa took in a deep breath. If she went out now, she knew she'd be facing the wrath of Anya.

"I was thinking about ordering out tomorrow night. Well, tonight. Anything you want." Lexa bribed. If flattery didn't work, maybe bribing her sister with her favorite food would.

There was silence on the other side of the door. Lexa pressed her ear against the wood, hoping to hear something to indicate what her sister was planning.

"Anya?" she called quietly, hoping against hope that maybe her sister gave up and just went to bed after all.

After what felt like years passed with her ear pressed against the door and no sound coming from the other side, Lexa moved away from her leaning position. She reached for the door handle and slowly began to turn it. When the lock caught and then released, Lexa began to pull the door open, bit by bit.

Before she could get the door more than a few inches open, Anya launched against it, pushing it the rest of the way and sending Lexa sprawling onto her back on the cold tile floor. Lexa squeezed her eyes shut and raised her hands above her protectively, trying to deflect whatever it was that Anya decided to use as her weapon of choice this time.

"You're still buying dinner," Anya said calmly.

She peaked an eye open to find Anya standing over her triumphantly. Before she could really process what she was seeing, Anya dumped the bucket that she was holding over Lexa's upper body and head, soaking her in ice water.

The noise complaint they received the next day because of Lexa's scream was totally worth it (to Anya, anyway).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! There you have it! Next update won't be until next week, so I hope you've enjoyed this one enough to last you until then. We'll be getting back to actual moments between Lexa and Clarke then, and it gets super cute. 
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/requests are loved. And you can come find me on tumblr @musiclurv
> 
> See y'all next week!


	14. Puppy Love is Hard to Ignore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday morning. Lexa's a nervous wreck, Clarke gets wet, Raven and Octavia are the brats that we know and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a longer one for you all to start the week! I told you we'd be getting into longer chapters as we moved along, didn't I? 
> 
> Enjoy!

If anyone were to ask, Lexa was totally calm, cool, and collected the following Monday morning when she headed into work. She wasn't jittery at all, her leg wasn't shaking as she drove to the library, she hadn't already had three cups of coffee, and she definitely wasn't chewing on her nails distractedly. She was perfectly put together and ready to face whatever the day may bring.

If anyone were to ask, Lexa was fine and not anxious at all.

If anyone were to ask, Lexa would lie to them.

Because Lexa was anything but calm, cool, and collected, and had been such since Clarke texted her Saturday afternoon, mentioning nonchalantly that she would be seeing Lexa on Monday morning. The conversation up to that point was normal enough. Uneventful, even. Just a couple of quick "I had fun last night" comments and "thank you"s. Nothing abnormal. Until Clarke dropped that bomb shell and Lexa began her nervous ticks that Anya so graciously took upon herself to point out as often as possible.

So here Lexa was, driving to the library for her nine o'clock shift on Monday morning, more nervous than she thinks she's ever been.

_This is ridiculous_ , Lexa thought to herself. And really, it was. There was no reason to be nervous about seeing Clarke again. They had spent hours upon hours together in the library. So Lexa would just go in to work, gather the books that Clarke mentioned needing, set them on her usual table, and get to whatever work she needed to get done. Same old, same old. No need to put unnecessary pressure on herself. Right?

Lexa's fingernails would beg to differ. The nervous habit had formed in Lexa's early teen years, and she had never been able to fully kick it out of her system. After her parents died and Anya took full custody of her... Well, everything was just a sort of mess for her nervous system. And her nails took the brunt of it most days. (Some days were rougher than others).

She pulled up to the empty library lot, having gotten to work much earlier than usual in her nervous haste. The car park would fill up quickly though, and she was sure that no one would even notice that she had gotten there an absurd amount of time before she should have. She looked at the clock on her dashboard to see that it was barely after eight.

Lexa sighed, annoyed with herself, and got out of her car. She might as well get the day started early if she was already here. Her first coffee from the café would have to wait much longer than she wished, though.

It was colder out than she'd expected it to be, and the dark clouds overhead were promising rain. Of course she forgot to grab an umbrella before she left her apartment. Hopefully the storm wouldn't last all day.

Walking up to the library, she unlocked the front doors and walked in, making sure to lock them back up behind her. She may be there, but she really would prefer not to have any unwanted visitors before actual library hours. The other workers could let themselves in with their own keys when they got there.

She flipped on the lights as she went, loving the absolute silence that surrounded her other than the buzz of electricity. Getting to the library this early may have been a bit embarrassing, but she loved the peace and quiet that came along with it. No distractions, no outside noises... Just her and the stacks of books...

A soft pattering of rain began against the roof of the building, echoing through the empty room.

So, some outside noise. But it was a noise that Lexa would eagerly accept as she made her way to her desk, dropping her bag on it and pulling out her cell phone. She may as well get Clarke's books ready for her, as Clarke didn't actually give her a time that she'd be getting there.

By the time that Lexa had found all of the books Clarke had sent her and gotten settled in with her laptop and book out on the desk, Lexa found that barely any time had passed at all. It was now just past eight thirty, and while some of the other workers would start to arrive shortly, she was still alone in the library.

Her phone buzzed where she had placed it on her desk, startling her and breaking the silence in the room. She quickly grabbed her phone, confused as to who would be texting her this early in the morning.

**Clarke (8:33 AM): What kind of library isn't open until 9?**

Lexa chuckled to herself before quickly typing out a response.

**Lexa (8:34 AM): The kind that services lazy college students who don't usually get out of bed until much later. Speaking of which, isn't 9 kind of early for you?**

**Clarke (8:35): Obviously not as I'm outside the building. And it's not exactly dry out here, in case you didn't know.**

Lexa quickly stood and raced to the front door, unlocking it and throwing it open to find a thoroughly soaked Clarke standing on the other side, trying to hide under the small overhang above the door. The rain had definitely picked up in the short time that Lexa had been inside.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I could have warned you that we weren't opened yet," Lexa questioned, a bit of a lecturing tone in her voice. She let Clarke slink past her as the blonde tried to wring some of the water from her shirt.

"Well you're already here, aren't you?" Clarke kicked some water from her feet before finally giving up on even getting slightly less wet. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.

"You're lucky I was. People usually don't get here to start opening up until shortly before nine." Lexa ushered Clarke further into the building, leading her into the library proper.

Clarke shrugged as best she could while shivering and keeping a close hold around herself. "I f-figured that a s-school li-library would be o-open bef-fore ni-nine," she stuttered out. Lexa looked at her concerned before wrapping her arm around Clarke's shoulders. Clarke leaned into the touch without thought, welcoming the warmth. "D-do you a-always keep it th-this c-cold in h-here?"

Lexa chuckled and looked down at Clarke sympathetically as she directed her to her usual table. "Yes, but usually people don't show up drenched. I'll go turn up the heat." With a quick look over Clarke again to make sure she was okay, Lexa ran to the back room where the thermostat was located. Luckily, this was also the break room, and Lexa was able to find a blanket that someone had left behind in the room as well. She grabbed it after turning the heat up considerably and raced back out to Clarke.

She found the woman curled up in her chair, legs drawn to her chest and arms wrapped fully around her, head buried in her knees.

Lexa walked over quietly and draped the found blanket over Clarke's shoulders and back. Clarke looked up at her, startled and wide-eyed.

"Did you really have a blanket in the back?" she asked after a moment, tugging the blanket tighter around her after she realized what was draped over her.

Lexa shrugged. "Sometimes the workers get tired. Someone left it back there after they apparently decided taking a nap in the break room was a good idea. We're lucky they did, though." Lexa sat next to Clarke at one of the empty chairs around the table. She placed her hand on the back of Clarke's chair, angling her head so she could try to make eye contact with the blonde who had returned to burying her face in her knees. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. She wanted nothing more than to comfort Clarke, but she was nervous that too much physical contact would be unwanted.

Clarke nodded as much as she could with her head buried, burrowing even further into the blanket around her.

"You sure about that?" Lexa asked, a bit amused at Clarke's almost child-like actions.

Clarke leaned her head to the side to look up at Lexa. "I'll be fine. Just gotta dry off a bit."

Lexa took a chance and moved her hand to rub circles on Clarke's back. Clarke seemed to melt under the attention, relaxing even further into her seat.

"You'd think that as a med student you'd be more aware of the risks of being wet and cold at the same time," Lexa admonished quietly. She gestured to the books on the table. "I'm sure it talks about that in at least one of these."

Clarke rolled her eyes before letting them droop closed. She definitely seemed to be enjoying Lexa rubbing her back. "I'm a med student, not a meteorologist. I didn't know it was supposed to rain today, or I would have brought my umbrella."

Lexa laughed. "Fair enough." They sat in silence for a moment, and Lexa was half sure that Clarke was about to fall asleep on her. "Well, when the café opens, I'll get you a cup of hot chocolate to help warm you up. Sound good?"

Clarke only hummed in response. She was definitely getting closer and closer to falling back asleep, and Lexa was more convinced now than ever that Clarke wasn't used to waking up this early if she didn't absolutely have to.

She tried to hide the smile at the prospect of Clarke waking up early just to see her.

* * *

 

Clarke jolted awake, her head jerking up from her knees. She really hadn't meant to fall asleep, but she was just so _tired_. The entire weekend had been spent trying to get her school work finished between working at the college gallery and also working on her own paintings whenever she could find a spare minute. And she may have stayed up far too late last night imagining what seeing Lexa again would be like. When she found herself still overthinking at four in the morning, she almost gave up on any sleep at all.

She looked around her, trying to figure out what actually woke her up from her impromptu nap. Lexa was sitting beside her with a soft smile across her lips, her left arm resting across the table in front of Clarke. The brunette tapped her finger against the table, drawing Clarke's attention away from her for a moment.

Clarke looked to find a cup of hot chocolate sitting in front of her.

"The café finally opened up, though twenty minutes late," Lexa said softly, the irritation evident in her voice. "I was starting to think that I'd have to go out in this storm to find you something warm to drink."

Clarke felt warmth spread through her that had nothing to do with the hot chocolate. She looked again at Lexa, finding herself inextricably drawn to the woman. Without thinking, she leaned forward and pressed a quick, soft kiss against Lexa's lips.

"Thank you," she whispered, breath ghosting across Lexa's mouth. When she pulled back fully, she found Lexa frozen in place. Clarke, her brain finally catching up to what she just did, found herself panicking a moment later. _What if we aren't to that point yet? What if that was way overstepping? God, Clarke. Way to go. Now you've scared her off, and she was just being nice. You can't do anything right this early in the morning. Why did I think getting up early was a good idea?_

She was broken out of her thoughts by Lexa resting her hand softly against Clarke's cheek, drawing her attention back to her.

"You're welcome, Clarke," Lexa said softly, eyes reassuringly gentle. She stood up, hand still on Clarke's cheek, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "Drink your cocoa and get to work. I'll be right over there if you need anything, okay?"

Clarke nodded as she stared up at Lexa. She knew she probably looked as smitten as she felt, but she couldn't help it. This woman was going to ruin her in the best way possible.

Lexa let her hand linger a moment longer as she searched Clarke's eyes. She smiled a bit wider before letting her hand fall and turning to walk to her desk. Clarke watched her until Lexa finally sat and opened her laptop, before the brunette looked up and found Clarke's eyes on her. Lexa quirked an eyebrow and Clarke felt the blush rush over her cheeks. She quickly grabbed her cup of hot cocoa and brought it to her lips, taking a slow sip and determinedly avoiding looking over to Lexa again.

Clarke placed the cup back on the table and let her feet fall to the floor. She shifted in her seat and felt her wet clothes sticking to her in all the wrong places. She hated wet jeans, and now she was stuck wearing these for the rest of the day. She cringed as she thought of sitting in a cold library all morning in her wet clothes.

She shifted again, trying to get comfortable though she knew it was for naught. But when she finally found a somewhat acceptable position that kept the blanket tight around her, she decided to actually try to get some work finished.

She pulled her notebook out of her backpack that she had thrown on the table when she first sat down, opening it to a fresh page. After finding the specific book that she'd be needing in the pile that Lexa had found for her, Clarke set to work.

By ten she was shivering again, her teeth chattering as she tried to hold in her shaking. The blanket had helped, and the cocoa was a godsend. But she just couldn't get warm in this ridiculously cold library. Who kept a library cold, anyway? It was distracting.

Clarke stopped grumbling under her breath when the seat next to her was pulled out again. She looked over to find Lexa sitting down sideways on the chair.

"You're still cold," Lexa stated, concern lacing her voice. Her eyebrows scrunched as she looked Clarke over. Clarke, who was very aware of her own lack of body heat, curled tighter into the blanket, creating a Clarke-sized burrito. She grinned innocently up at Lexa.

"I'm t-totally fine." She tried to hide the stutter in her voice caused by her shivering, but knew that Lexa had caught it.

Lexa scooted her chair closer, laying her arm across the back of Clarke's chair. Her brow furrowed further as she thought of what to do.

Clarke welcomed the warmth that Lexa's closeness brought. She leaned slightly closer, trying to be as surreptitious as possible. When Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulders and pulled her against her chest, Clarke couldn't hide her relief. She closed her eyes and burrowed her face into Lexa's neck, trying to suck up as much warmth as possible.

Lexa began rubbing Clarke's arm, trying to warm up the blonde. Clarke felt Lexa wrap her other arm across her body, pulling her in tighter.

"No, you're definitely not cold, are you?" Lexa teased, though her concern was still evident.

Clarke chuckled, her breath fanning out across Lexa's neck. She chose to ignore the goosebumps that rose across Lexa's skin for the moment. But she'd have to remember that for later.

"Not cold." Clarke paused, breathing out heavily and sinking further into Lexa's embrace. "More like fr-freezing."

She felt Lexa shake her head before the brunette rested her chin against the crown of Clarke's head. "You're ridiculous. You're going to get sick."

"Don't get s-sick," Clarke mumbled. She felt herself getting more comfortable and sleepier as she cuddled into Lexa's welcoming arms.

Lexa scoffed. "Everyone gets sick. You of all people should know that, future Doctor Griffin."

Clarke shook her head slightly, not wanting to dislodge herself. "Not me. Haven't been s-sick in years."

Lexa kissed the top of Clarke's head and sat silently for a moment.

"Still..." Lexa said, breaking the quiet that had surrounded them. She untangled herself from Clarke, nudging her back into a fully seated position. Lexa then stood up, walking back over to her desk quickly. Clarke watched on as Lexa soon returned with a hoodie in hand. "You should at least change into this." She handed the hoodie over to Clarke.

Clarke untangled her arms from her cocoon, clutching the offered hoodie. She pulled it to her and looked up at Lexa who was still standing over her. "Are y-you sure? It'll g-get all w-wet."

Lexa shrugged. "It's just water. But you should probably get out of that shirt. Your core temperature and all that..." She scuffed her shoe against the floor.

Clarke quirked an eyebrow. "And just wh-what do you know about my c-core's temperature?"

She watched as Lexa's face flushed from her neck up. Clarke knew exactly what Lexa was referring to, but the brunette had left herself open for that one. And Clarke wasn't one to let an innuendo like that go to waste.

"I-- That's not-- You know--" Lexa stumbled over her explanation, her face becoming increasingly red as she tried to come up with something coherent.

Clarke held up her hand, trying to keep herself from laughing. "Lex, I know. I was t-teasing. Th-thank you for the hoodie."

Lexa cleared her throat, trying to compose herself. "Right. Of course. Well, you better go change."

"Nuh-uh. I-I am not l-leaving this blanket," Clarke declared, cuddling further into the warmth surrounding her. She looked around to see that no one else had come into the library yet. "I'll just ch-change here."

Clarke had never really been self conscious about her appearance. She knew she had a nice figure; plenty of people had stared at it for her to know that without a doubt. She was confident, and she hadn't really ever considered changing in front of someone as risqué. So, without further ado, Clarke twisted and pulled the wet shirt over her head while keeping as much of herself covered by the blanket as possible. She wasn't worried about anyone seeing her, but she definitely didn't want that cold air hitting her bare skin if she could help it.

Lexa's face, which had been slowly returning to its normal color, quickly reddened once again. "Cl-Clarke!" Lexa admonished, looking wildly around. "Someone could walk in! What are you doing?"

By the time Lexa looked back at Clarke, she had already pulled the hoodie on and was zipping up the zipper. Lexa caught a peak of a blue lace bra before it disappeared behind the fabric of her hoodie.

"Th-there. No one saw."

Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes slowly rose from staring at her chest (like she said, she had a nice figure). She buried her nose in the hoodie that was slightly too big for her, breathing in Lexa's scent.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She pulled the blanket back around her shoulders and cuddled back into it. Lexa threw her hands up in exasperation and began to walk away, but Clarke quickly called her back. "Where are you going?" she asked, pouting up at the brunette.

Lexa stopped and turned back around to face Clarke. She looked at her questioningly. "Back to my desk." She pointed over her shoulder.

Clarke shook her head vehemently. "Can't you stay here?" She nudged the now empty seat next to her with her foot. "You can see your desk and any visitors from here." Clarke's shivering was slowly dying down now that she had a dry shirt on. Lexa was definitely right about keeping your core temperature warm.

Lexa looked over her shoulder at the front door, noting that no one was coming in the building. She nodded once. "I'll be right back," she said, shooting a small smile at Clarke before walking over to her desk and grabbing her things. She quickly made her way back over to the table and bundled-up Clarke.

Clarke smiled triumphantly as she watched all this happen. She cuddled further into her seat, feet back up on the edge of the chair and arms hugging her legs to her chest once again. Which, in hindsight probably wasn't the smartest as her pants were still rather wet.

Clarke watched as Lexa placed her things down on the table and sat down, making herself comfortable. The brunette looked over at her once she was settled in. "Do you need anything else? More hot chocolate?" Lexa placed her arm across the back of Clarke's chair again, watching Clarke for any signs of discomfort. Again, Clarke couldn't help but notice the warmth that flowed through her at the caring tone Lexa used when speaking to her.

"No," Clarke shook her head. "I'm fine. Just..." She reached under her blanket and grabbed at the underside of Lexa's chair before pulling the brunette closer to her. "C'mere," she mumbled before burrowing back into Lexa's side.

Lexa stiffened for a second and Clarke thought that she may have overstepped once again. The older woman quickly relaxed though, and Clarke field Lexa wrap her arm around her shoulders and pull her closer again.

"You gonna get back to work?" Lexa asked in a mumble as she pressed her lips into Clarke's wet hair.

Clarke shook her head. "Not yet. Gotta warm up." She felt her words slurring more and more, and knew she wouldn't be able to fight off falling asleep again if she didn't sit up. But Lexa was far too warm and comfortable for her to even consider doing that.

Lexa chuckled before she reached over and grabbed her book off the table. "Okay," she said softly, flipping to the page she had left off on with one hand while the other rubbed gently against Clarke's upper arm through the blanket. "Take as long as you need."

Clarke fell asleep to the sound of Lexa's steady breathing.

* * *

 

"You're telling me..." Raven trailed off, taking a deep breath, "that you were in the library for over _three_ hours, and all you really accomplished was stealing Lexa's hoodie and taking a nap?"

Clarke nodded sheepishly before she buried her nose back into the hoodie she was still wearing. Lexa's scent lingered in it.

Raven burst out laughing. "Only you, Griff. Only you. Wow. That is just too good."

"Shut up," Clarke mumbled, though she kept her nose buried. She felt her cheeks warm with embarrassment, but she really couldn't find it within herself to actually care too much about it. She literally just spent the last few hours cuddled up to Lexa, getting caught up on missed sleep. Even though she still had so much to get done for school, she felt content with the way she spent her morning.

"And wait, let me make sure I got this right. You got there almost half an hour before the library even opened? Just to get soaked to the bone? Classic." Raven couldn't contain her laughter, having to stop every few words to laugh again. Clarke really should be annoyed with the teasing. She should. But she was actually kind of proud of herself.

Octavia chose that moment to walk through the front door without even knocking, using her spare key instead of waiting for one of the residents to let her in. She found Clarke and Raven curled up on the couch on opposite ends, Clarke huddling into a hoodie that she had never seen before, and Raven rolling with laughter.

"Do I want to ask?" Octavia asked, setting down her purse on the coffee table before sitting down between her girlfriend and friend.

Raven leaned over and placed a quick kiss on Octavia's cheek. "Griff just proved once again that she is basically the best winning loser around."

"What does that even mean?" Clarke whined. She pulled the blanket she had over her legs up over her shoulders to cuddle down even more. After changing into sweats the moment she walked in the apartment, she couldn't bare the thought of taking off Lexa's hoodie. The brunette had insisted that Clarke keep the hoodie until they saw each other again, saying that it was illogical for Clarke to put her wet shirt back on when the rain had finally subsided.

"It means, my dear friend, that you are a loser, and yet you manage to win so often." Raven leaned around her girlfriend to get a good look at Clarke. "I, personally, have no idea how you do it."

"You managed to get me, babe," Octavia said, patting Raven's knee.

Raven glared at Octavia. "And just what do you mean by that, _babe_?" Raven ground out, trying to sound intimidating.

Octavia shrugged, batting her eyelashes and smiling innocently at her. "You're the biggest loser that I've ever met. And yet, you won me over. So..." She shrugged again, motioning with her hands to imply the obvious.

Raven's mouth fell open in shock. "Are you..."

"She definitely just called you a loser. The biggest loser, in fact. Called out by your own girl. How does that feel, Rae?" Clarke asked, watching as her two best friends bickered. She was glad the attention was off of her for the time being, and wanted to draw it out as long as possible.

"How does it...? I can't believe that you would even imply such a thing! I'm awesome!" Raven sat back, dumbstruck over even the implication that she was a loser.

"Awesomely great at being a loser," Octavia said in a sing-song voice. "Love ya anyway, babe." She tried to lean over to give her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek, but Raven held her off.

"Oh no! Not after that blatant attack on my personality!"

"Don't you think you're being a bit over dramatic?" Octavia asked, sitting back with a fond smile on her face.

"Over dramatic? _Over dramatic?_ I think I'm being perfectly dramatic here! You think I'm a loser!" Raven crossed her arms over her chest, lip jutting out in an extreme pout. "My own girlfriend..." she mumbled.

Octavia rolled her eyes and patted Raven's knee placatingly. "Your own girlfriend who loves you very much. Every little bit of your loser self. From your loser head to your loser toes."

Raven's pout dropped and she looked at Octavia with (overly dramatic) heart eyes. "Aw, _babe_. That is probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!" She threw her arms around Octavia's shoulders and placed a sloppy, wet kiss on her cheek. "You really _do_ love me!"

Octavia patted the arm thrown around her front, humming in agreement.

"So, Clarke. Tell me about how your loser self won so spectacularly," Octavia said, turning her attention to Clarke. Raven continued to hug Octavia to her, her cheek pressed against the other girl's.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Clarke avoided, burrowing back into Lexa's hoodie once again.

"No idea my ass," Raven scoffed, pulling away from Octavia and rolling her eyes. "Our little Clarkey here got all cuddled up with Lexie-loo at the library. _And_ got the 'green eyed goddess' to give her that hoodie you see her trying to disappear into." Raven's explanation, while ridiculously overstated, actually hit all the main points really well. Even Clarke could give her that.

"Ah-ha. So that explains the hoodie. Did you get any of your work finished?" Octavia asked.

Clarke shook her head, truly trying to disappear into the hoodie now.

"Oh no. That's the best part," Raven continued, shit-eating grin spreading across her features. "Griffin, in all her smooth wisdom, went and fell asleep on poor, dear Lexa. Literally."

"You fell asleep on her? In the library?" Octavia's head was turning back and forth between the two women on either side of her. "Like, _on_ her?"

"Not on her..." Clarke mumbled.

Raven barked out a laugh. "Close enough! You said you were cuddled up to her side." Clarke nodded in agreement. "I'd bet you even had your face all pressed into her neck, didn't you?"

Clarke remained silent, choosing to not answer that particular question.

"That's a yes, babe," Octavia confirmed. "You totally fell asleep on her. Wasn't she supposed to be working today?"

"Yes." Clarke kept her answer short. She hoped that if she seemed as uninvolved in this conversation as possible, her friends would let it drop.

"And she distracted her for the first three hours of that shift. The poor girl may get fired because of you. Did you at least buy her coffee before you left?" Raven badgered.

"She's not going to get fired," Clarke said, finally coming out of her burrow that she had made out of the blanket and hoodie. "And yes, I bought her coffee."

"And drew on the cup, I'm sure," Octavia added.

"Of course," Raven agreed. "What'd you draw this time?" Clarke's cheeks flushed. Raven examined her reaction before breaking into another huge grin. "Tell me you didn't draw the two of you cuddled up in the library." Clarke remained silent, pointedly looking at anything but her friends. "You did, didn't you? Go straight to the couple-y stuff, why don't ya?"

"It wasn't necessarily us..." Clarke defended. "It was just two girls, in a library together."

"Cuddled up."

"One of them sleeping on the other."

"While the other one read or worked or whatever the heck Lexa was doing."

"With the sleeping one bundled like a burrito."

"Okay, okay!" Clarke barked, waving her hands around to try to get her friends to stop.

"Come on, princess. We're totally right, aren't we?" Raven asked, leaning over Octavia to press into Clarke's space.

Clarke grumbled under her breath. She really didn't know why she was best friends with these jerks. They only ever picked on her.

"Again, that's a yes," Octavia confirmed. Clarke glared at her. Usually, out of the two of them, Octavia was much less teasing than Raven was. Apparently this wasn't one of those cases.

"I hate you both." Clarke kept her glare up, hoping to show the level of loathing that she was currently feeling toward the two.

"No you don't," Raven said confidently.

"Yes, I really do."

"And yet, here you are, spilling all about your love life's development," Octavia chirped in. She leaned over and flung her arm around Clarke, pulling the blonde into her side. "You love us."

"You loooooove us!" Raven sang along. The two then burst into a ridiculous rendition of some love song that was so out of tune and horribly sung that Clarke had no idea what they were actually trying to sing. But sing they did, both of them clearly knowing what they were going on about.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled herself out of Octavia's grasp, sending both Octavia and Raven, who had been leaning on her girlfriend, sprawling out across the sofa in Clarke's absence.

"I'm going to go make some lunch. And neither of you are getting any of it." She marched into the kitchen, trying to seem far more frustrated than she actually was.

"Wait!" Raven yelled after she was finally able to disentangle herself from Octavia. The two stumbled off the couch to stand in the middle of the living room. "What are you making?"

"Mac-n-Cheese," Clarke answered.

"But that's my favorite!" Raven shouted. Clarke, of course, knew this.

Clarke waited for the thundering footsteps as Raven tripped into the kitchen, Octavia hot on her heels. "Uh-huh. And you're still not getting any of it." Clarke began to gather the supplies needed to make her lunch.

"Like hell!" Raven said, reaching over and trying to grab the box of noodles from Clarke.

"Not a chance," Clarke said, pushing Raven away. "It's the last box, too. Sucks for you." She waved the box out of Raven's reach, taunting her.

"Octaviaaaa..." Raven whined, trying to get her girlfriend to help her out.

Octavia remained in the kitchen's entrance, watching the scene before her unfold.

"Don't you dare interfere, Blake," Clarke warned, shooting Octavia a glare as the brunette started to inch her way into the kitchen.

"You know that it's actually my favorite too," Octavia said, moving closer to the pair fighting over the box.

Clarke yanked the box away from Raven's hands once again. "I know that, too. Which is why," she swatted Raven's hands away, "you're not getting any either!"

When Clarke finally got Raven off of her, Raven dragged Octavia over to the dining table. "Fine. See if I care." Raven plopped down in one of the seats, throwing her injured leg over Octavia's thighs when she sat down in the seat next to her.

Clarke smiled triumphantly to herself as she set about cooking, glancing over every now and then to see a pouting Raven and a sympathizing Octavia.

And when Clarke finished making her lunch, no one was actually surprised when she served up three filled plates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go! Some foreshadowing in there for you, too. 
> 
> There should be another update up Thursday or Friday, so keep an eye out for that. And maybe just a little mid-week gift in the spirit of Christmas. We'll see. 
> 
> As always, comments/kudos/requests are always loved. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to! Thanks for reading!!


	15. When Her Smile Came Back, I Didn't Feel Half as Horrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets sick, Lexa dotes, and Octaven embarrass Clarke (like usual)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK CHAPTER!!!
> 
> As Christmas is coming up, I was in the giving spirit and decided to give y'all an early chapter this week. So Merry Christmas (or any other holidays that you may celebrate around this time of year)!

Lexa totally wasn't one to gloat in being correct. Yeah, she loved being right. But she didn't rub it in people's faces when she was.

However, when Clarke texted Lexa on Tuesday to let her know she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be coming by the library, Lexa could barely resist reminding the blonde that she had been right all along. But she did resist, and she, being the nice, caring person that she was, offered to bring Clarke some soup as soon as she could.

Clarke, of course, tried to resist the offer, telling Lexa that it really wasn't that bad. Lexa gave up on arguing through text, and decided to call Clarke instead.

"If it's not that bad, why are you staying home for the day?" Lexa asked as soon as Clarke picked up the phone. She signaled to one of her coworkers to come over to her and waited somewhat impatiently for him to make his way across the library.

_"It's not that bad. But I'm gross and don't want to be out among the living,"_ Clarke protested, sounding far more congested than 'not that bad' implied.

Her coworker, Lincoln, finally made it over to the front desk and looked at her curiously. Lexa quickly wrote down a note on a torn piece of paper.

_**Can you handle today alone? My friend is sick and I need to go make sure she doesn't end up somehow killing herself.** _

Lincoln chuckled and nodded, waving Lexa off. Lexa smiled gratefully and quickly gathered her things into her backpack.

"Uh-huh. I'm coming over. Shoot me your address." Lexa pulled her bag over her shoulder and stood, smiling once more at Lincoln as he took her vacated seat. _'Thank you'_ she mouthed to him, making her way toward the exit.

Clarke groaned on the other line before she dissolved into a fit of coughs. _"No, Lex,"_ she broke off to cough some more. _"You don't have to do that. You're at work,_ " she continued after she had finally calmed her coughing down.

By the sound of it, Clarke was far worse off than she was pretending to be, and Lexa couldn't deny that she was worried.

"I'm off. What kind of soup do you want?" Lexa unlocked her car and threw her bag into the back seat before climbing into the driver's seat and starting the car.

Clarke grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like _stubborn, beautiful pain in the ass_. Lexa chuckled quietly as she sat in her car. She didn't want to start driving without having any idea of where Clarke actually lived.

"I'll grab some chicken-noodle. Now text me your address so I can stop sitting in the library parking lot."

_"Did you really get out of work just to come over here?"_ Clarke asked, her voice soft and almost hesitantly hopeful. Even sick, Clarke's voice was beautiful.

Lexa hummed into the phone. "Lincoln didn't mind covering. He prefers sitting at the front anyway." Clarke coughed again, and it sounded painful. "You alright?" Lexa asked.

It took a moment for Clarke to stop coughing. _"Fine,"_ she groaned out when she finally stopped. _"Just peachy. I'll text you my address."_

"Thank you. I'll see you soon." Lexa hung up the phone and waited for Clarke's text. When she finally received it, she pulled out of the parking lot, deciding which grocery store was the least out of the way.

After stopping at the mart that was more-or-less on the way to Clarke's apartment, Lexa quickly made her way to the address Clarke sent her. It really wasn't that far from the library or the college campus.

Lexa made her way up to apartment 3A and knocked on the front door. She heard shuffling in the apartment before a girl Lexa recalled seeing at the club the first night she had seen Clarke opened the door.

"Thank god," the girl groaned, pulling the door further open for Lexa to enter. "You must be Lexa."

Lexa nodded, stepping inside. "And you're..." she prompted.

"The annoying, good for nothing roommate, apparently." The girl leaned against the wall of the entry way, crossing her arms and giving Lexa a once over. "But most people call me Raven. Nice to meet you. Clarke's being a little bitch."

"Raven!" Lexa heard Clarke croak/yell from what Lexa presumed was the living room.

"And on that note..." Raven trailed off, grabbing a jacket off the coat rack and hastily throwing it over her shoulders. She leant down and adjusted a leg brace that Lexa had just noticed, and then hastily walked out the still open door. "Good luck!" She pulled the door closed behind her, waving at Lexa as she went.

Lexa shook her head, somewhat disbelieving the events that just took place. She looked over her shoulder to where she had last heard Clarke and shuffled the paper bag in her arms.

"Clarke?" Lexa called into the apartment, moving further in slowly.

"In here," Clarke called, her voice sounding croakier than it did over the phone. Lexa made her way to where she thought Clarke was, navigating the small apartment while taking in all of the pictures hanging on the walls. Most were of Clarke, Raven, and another girl that Lexa hadn't met but recognized from that night at the club as well. She assumed they were close.

She found Clarke curled up on a couch in the living room, blankets piled up over her and half her face buried in the hoodie Lexa let her borrow the previous day. Lexa quickly made her way over to the blonde, crouching down on the floor in front of her. She reached out and pushed some hair away from Clarke's forehead, resting her cold palm on the revealed skin.

"You're burning up," Lexa said softly, watching Clarke worriedly.

Clarke pulled her face fully out of the neck of Lexa's hoodie, eyes closed, and pressed her forehead more firmly into Lexa's palm. "That feels good, though."

Lexa chuckled and ran her hand down the side of Clarke's face, letting the coolness of her hand seep into Clarke's overheated skin.

"I brought you some supplies," Lexa said, breaking the silence that fell over them as Clarke soaked in Lexa's cool touch.

"Didn't need to," Clarke mumbled.

"No, but I wanted to." Lexa withdrew her hand, causing Clarke to open her eyes with a slight pout.

"I was enjoying that," she croaked out.

Lexa smiled at the pouting blonde before she reached to pull over the paper bag she had set down on the floor. "Look, I got you soup, some crackers, Ginger Ale, juice, tea, more tissues..." She pulled out the items as she listed them off. "Some cold medicine because I didn't know if you had any. And..." She pulled out a box of chocolate chip cookies triumphantly and held them up for Clarke to see. "Because who doesn't like cookies?"

Clarke's face brightened as she took in everything Lexa had brought over. The soup was freshly prepped by the deli at the store, and the cookies looked to be fresh from the bakery.

"You're too nice. You didn't have to go to all this trouble." Clarke pushed herself into a half seated position, pulling the soup Lexa handed off closer to her. "Thank you," she practically whispered.

"My pleasure," Lexa said, handing over a plastic spoon as well. "Here, sit up for a second." She motioned for Clarke to lean up a bit further before she stood up herself and took a seat behind Clarke. She angled herself so Clarke could lean back against the front of her torso, though Lexa kept her feet on the floor. She pulled gently at Clarke's shoulder until the blonde leaned back against her, then wrapped her left arm across Clarke's stomach. "Comfy?" she asked.

Clarke wormed a bit closer, sinking further into the couch and Lexa while pulling the blankets more firmly around her. She held her soup up so that she wouldn't spill it. When she was situated, she nodded in answer. "Very." She balanced the bowl of soup in her lap and began to slowly eat it.

Lexa watched as the blonde sipped at her soup, occasionally stopping to cough or just clear a lump out of her throat. She'd gently tighten her arm around Clarke's waist when that happened, supporting her more firmly until the coughing fit would stop.

When Clarke finished her soup, Lexa pulled the empty bowl from her hands without being asked. She leant forward to place it on the coffee table, trying her hardest not to dislodge Clarke from her position, before settling back in. Clarke settled her head against Lexa's chest, eyes closed once again.

"Do you need anything?" Lexa asked, placing a soft kiss on the top of Clarke's head.

"No," Clarke said, barely more than a hum. Lexa buried her nose in Clarke's hair, breathing in her sweet scent.

"How about a movie?" Lexa suggested. Clarke handed over the TV remote wordlessly. "Why don't you pick something?"

Clarke shook her head. "Gonna sleep through it anyway." She burrowed further into Lexa, her voice getting sleepier and sleepier.

Lexa reclined a bit further, leaning more on the arm rest. She let Clarke lay back with her so that the blonde was more comfortable (and practically laying on her). She pulled up Netflix and started a random Disney movie that was watched recently.

"M' favorite," Clarke slurred. Lexa put the remote down after turning the volume down to a lower level. She wrapped both arms around Clarke and held her to her chest.

"Sleep, Clarke," she whispered into Clarke's hair. Clarke simply nodded and was out before the opening music finished.

* * *

 

Clarke was startled awake by a sudden sneeze that threatened to throw her body off the couch with its ferocity. Lexa jerked up into a seated position behind her when Clarke flung herself forward and out of Lexa's arms. Unfortunately, the sneeze led to a coughing fit that wracked through Clarke's body. She curled in on herself as she tried to suppress her coughing.

Lexa rubbed her back soothingly, watching Clarke as she continued to cough. She opened a bottle of apple juice and handed it to Clarke when her coughing appeared to be calming down.

"Drink this," she said, watching as Clarke downed half the bottle quickly. "Thirsty?" Lexa asked with a slight smirk. Clarke nodded and drank the rest of the bottle just as quickly. She turned to look at the brunette behind her.

Lexa looked like she had just woken with Clarke, her eyelids drooping and her hair slightly disheveled. The movie they had put on was barely halfway through, Clarke noted as she took another bottle of juice from Lexa.

"You alright?" Lexa asked, her hand going back to rubbing circles into Clarke's lower back. Clarke nodded and pressed back into Lexa's hand.

The brunette continued to rub circles into Clarke's back, but leaned back into her previous position. She tugged on the hem of Clarke's shirt, pulling at Clarke to lay back down as well.

Clarke cuddle back against Lexa, this time rolling onto her side and resting her head against Lexa's stomach. She reached over and placed her bottle of juice on the floor. Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke's hair, untangling the blonde curls gently. Clarke turned her face into Lexa's stomach, relaxing into the calming touch.

"You're going to get sick if you stay here," Clarke mumbled into Lexa's shirt. She felt Lexa chuckle softly, her fingers massaging against Clarke's scalp. Clarke hummed in appreciation.

"Shh... I'll be fine," Lexa hushed, staring down and watching Clarke slowly fall back asleep against her. "Just focus on getting better."

Clarke hummed and rubbed her face into Lexa's shirt. She gripped at the edge of it, pulling herself closer.

It didn't take long with Lexa running her fingers through Clarke's hair for Clarke to fall unconscious once again.

* * *

 

Lexa continued visiting Clarke the rest of the week she was sick. She'd go over to the blonde's apartment, check Clarke's temperature, and make her lunch or dinner, depending on the time of day. Sometimes she'd stay and let Clarke cuddle on her, other times she had to get back to work. But Lexa would be damned if she didn't make it over to Clarke's apartment to check on her.

She ran into Raven a couple of times during her visits, though Clarke's roommate was usually on her way out when Lexa saw her. She'd sometimes have the other girl, Octavia, Lexa found out, with her.

But Lexa and Clarke were always alone when the two cuddled up on the couch together. Lexa sometimes had to convince Clarke to let her touch the blonde ("Clarke, I swear I won't get sick. Just come here and get comfortable"), but she always succeeded in the end. A sick Clarke was a tired, easily convinced Clarke. And when Lexa insisted that if she was going to get sick, she would already be sick, Clarke would finally admit defeat and curl up into Lexa's embrace, welcoming the additional warmth.

And Lexa may have had some coworkers cover a bit of her shifts every now and then during the week. Really, she worked too much as it was, and they were happy to take on some more hours during the week.

By Sunday, Clarke was finally starting to look like she was feeling better. She was sitting up on the couch, joking along with her friends when Lexa was invited into their apartment. Lexa stood awkwardly in the entrance to the living room, watching the three interact and not knowing how to proceed. Clarke was clearly feeling better and didn't need her there anymore, but she didn't actually want to leave. She had gotten used to seeing Clarke outside of the library for extended periods during the day.

When Clarke reached out her hand to beckon Lexa to her, Lexa felt a breath of relief leave her body. She moved closer to Clarke but didn't take her hand, suddenly feeling rather self conscious concerning physical affection in front of Clarke's friends.

Lexa heard a scoff and looked up to find Raven rolling her eyes at her. She looked from Raven to Clarke, who was still holding her hand out expectantly. Both Octavia and Raven were watching her for her reaction.

"You do realize we've both seen you two napping together, right? You can touch her. We aren't going to judge you," Raven finally said after Lexa continued to look confused and slightly frightened. Lexa tentatively reached her hand out and ran her fingertips over Clarke's outstretched palm.

Clarke smoothly intertwined their fingers and pulled Lexa closer to her, moving closer to the center of the couch so that Lexa could take the end. When Lexa sat, Clarke leaned into her side, sighing in contentment.

The three friends continued their conversation - something about Raven breaking an appliance in the house or blowing something up, Lexa wasn't completely sure. Clarke idly played with Lexa's fingers and traced patterns into the skin of Lexa's forearm and palm.

Lexa found herself dozing beside Clarke. The soft touches were quickly lulling her to sleep, and she couldn't force herself to even attempt to fight it. It had been a long week between work, writing, and taking care of Clarke. And, while Lexa wouldn't have given up taking care of Clarke for anything, the coffee she had been consuming almost non-stop seemed to have been waring off.

She slumped down a bit further onto the couch, leaning her head against the back of it and watching Clarke's profile. Clarke was so expressive, and her thoughts and feelings were written across her features as she spoke with her friends. Lexa was mesmerized by the soft sparkle in her blue eyes, the quirk of her eyebrow when she teased Raven, the soft smile when she watched Raven and Octavia interact. It was all just so fascinating to Lexa. And when Clarke looked at Lexa and her smile softened even more, her eyes searching Lexa's face for something, Lexa felt herself melt.

Lexa pressed a quick kiss to Clarke's cheek before she leaned back against the couch again. Clarke watched her for a moment more, eyes still searching. Lexa smiled at her before letting her eyes droop. She leaned her forehead against Clarke's shoulder and felt Clarke kiss the top of her head.

"Thank you," Clarke whispered into Lexa's hair. Lexa kissed Clarke's shoulder in response and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

"You two are disgusting," Raven whispered when Clarke finally looked back to her two friends. At least her friends had the decency to wait until Lexa had fallen asleep to start harping on Clarke.

Clarke shrugged the shoulder that Lexa wasn't leaning on. "She's been really busy. And super helpful. She deserves a nap." Lexa pressed her face into Clarke's neck, brushing her nose against the skin there. Clarke suppressed the urge to shiver at the feeling. Lexa wasn't even consciously moving closer to her, and yet Clarke found herself melting at the touch.

"You really like her, don't you?" Octavia asked, just as quietly.

Clarke looked down at the woman sleeping on her shoulder. She gently squeezed the hand that she still held in her own, a smile forming unbidden. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. She's really great."

"It's gross," Raven commented, her nose scrunched.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pointed at her two best friends. "Says the grossest couple in existence. Do you two even know how disgusting you can be when you're together? And don't even get me started on your late night activities. These walls are not that thick, Rae."

Raven and Octavia looked at each other, both grinning proudly at the accusation.

"We may be gross, but at least we've been together for a while. And we've known each other for even longer. It's only been just over a month and a half since you met Lexa. And you've only been together for a week," Octavia defended.

"But I'm sure you'll remember the thinness of our walls when you have Lexa over for a night of sin, right Clarke?" Raven asked, voice innocent but expression anything but.

Clarke felt her face redden and she fought off the urge to hide in Lexa's hair. "Okay first, we're not even together officially. Not that I know of, anyway." She checked to make sure Lexa was still asleep. The brunette shifted against her, but her breathing remained even. Clarke figured she was safe to continue this hushed conversation. "And second, we aren't anywhere near that kind of activity."

Raven looked at her disbelievingly. "Clarke, you've spent the entire last week cuddled on the couch with her. You two went from talking at the library to her taking care of you in less than a week. I'm _pretty_ sure that you'll be getting some sooner rather than later."

"Why are we even talking about this?" Clarke asked, looking down at Lexa's hand in hers.

"Because, as we've said many times, you need to get laid," Raven said bluntly. Clarke shot her a glare out of the corner of her eye.

"But right now? Do we really need to be discussing this right at this moment?" Clarke bit back. She could usually handle Raven's blunt statements, but with Lexa tucked into her side, she didn't really want to think about this subject at all. Of course she had thought about moving their relationship forward in the future, but really, they had only been seeing each other the past week. And they'd only been on one date. She hadn't talked to Lexa about it (considering they've been on _one_ date), but she kinda wanted to take whatever this was slow. She didn't want to screw it up.

Raven scoffed. "What better time? You're basically pinned to the couch and can't make a getaway."

"Not pinned." Three heads snapped to look at the new voice in the conversation. Lexa rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, lifting her head slightly from Clarke's shoulder. She took in the surprised expressions of everyone in the room. "You three aren't the quietest people ever, you know?"

Clarke felt her heart melt a bit. Sleepy Lexa was absolutely adorable. She reached up with her free hand to rub her thumb gently over Lexa's cheek.

"That wasn't a very long nap," Clarke said softly. Lexa leaned into the hand on her cheek, letting her eyes drift closed again.

"Again, you aren't very quiet."

Clarke cringed. She could only imagine what Lexa must have heard of that conversation.

"Did you hear..." Clarke began but trailed off, hoping and praying that Lexa hadn't heard any of what she and her friends were talking about.

Lexa shook her head. "Just the accusation of you being pinned to the couch." She looked over Clarke to see Raven watching them. "I feel like you of all people should know that Clarke will move when she wants to, no matter what's stopping her."

Raven scoffed. "When that something is you, there's no chance. Our little Clarkey here wouldn't disturb your sleep for anything."

Lexa met Clarke's eyes. _'Clarkey?'_ She mouthed with a quirked eyebrow. Clarke pulled her hand to her forehead, rubbing at the headache that was forming. Really, her friends were trying their damnedest to cause Clarke as much discomfort as possible.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked. Clarke looked up to find the brunette watching her worriedly. "Are you starting to feel bad again?"

Clarke smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine. Just a case of the Octaven headache. It's quite common around here."

"I'm insulted. Deeply wounded. I may need stitches," Raven declared, hand over her heart. "I can't believe you'd even suggest such a thing." If Clarke didn't know better, she may have actually thought that she had really insulted her friend. Having known Raven for so long, however...

"Your acting skills could really use some brushing up," Clarke deadpanned, looking at Raven blankly.

Raven cringed dramatically. "Wound after wound! You really play dirty, Clarkey."

"You're not making a good case for yourself, Rae," Octavia said, watching her girlfriend with an amused smile. Even in Raven's overdramatic moments, Octavia found her endearing.

Raven humphed and pushed herself off the couch, finding her balance quickly. "I can see when I'm not wanted. Let's go, O. We can find entertainment elsewhere." She turned her nose up and walked out of the living room.

Octavia stood with a shrug. "We have to go visit Monty anyway. He's been expecting us to stop by. Something about wanting us to meet his new dog."

Raven poked her head back into the room. "Monty got a new dog?" she asked.

Octavia made her way over to her girlfriend, grabbing her jacket along the way. "Seems so."

Clarke and Lexa watched on silently as the couple got ready to leave.

"What are we still doing here, then? Let's go play with the puppy." Raven quickly pulled her own jacket on and laced up her shoes. Octavia was ready quicker and waited in the hall for her girlfriend.

"It's not a puppy, Rae," Clarke called from the couch. Monty had texted her a picture of the new dog earlier in the week. "He's huge. A Mastiff or something."

"You knew about this new addition to the family, Griff?" Clarke nodded. "And you failed to tell me about it because..." Raven prompted.

Clarke shrugged, pulling Lexa's arm around her shoulders in the same moment. "Slipped my mind. He sent me a picture a few days ago, though."

Raven scoffed. "Slipped your mind. More like your mind was occupied by someone a bit more pressing." She looked pointedly at Lexa.

Clarke felt her face heat up. "Weren't you leaving?" she squeaked out. She felt Lexa pull her into her side a bit tighter. She looked up at the brunette to find her trying to hide a sleepy smile.

"Yeah, yeah. You two lovebirds will be alone soon enough. Keep your panties on," Raven waved her off. She walked out into the hall and out of Clarke and Lexa's sight.

"Sorry about that. They can be a bit... much," Clarke winced, looking up at Lexa sheepishly.

"They're fi--"

"See you later, Clarke!" Octavia hollered from the hall.

"No sex on the table! Or on the couch!" Raven called seconds later before slamming the door behind them.

"Oh my god!" Clarke groaned in exasperation, throwing her head back onto the back of the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go. Lexa being adorably nurse-like, Clexa cuddling, and Octaven interactions with Lexa and Clarke. What more could you ask for? (Loads, probably. But we'll get there!)
> 
> Keep an eye out for one more chapter this week. It'll probably be up on Friday. A heads up now: next week's update schedule may be a bit messed up because I'll be traveling. But I'll try to get you all your two chapters at some point next week.
> 
> As always, comments/kudos/requests are always welcomed and loved. If there's anything you'd like to see, let me know and I'll try to fit it in! You can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you so desire. I'd love to chat/answer any questions or whatever any of you want.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	16. My Hopes Are So High That Your Kiss Might Kill Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the family??? Clarke's betrayal??? Adoptions???????? Declarations?????????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because that summary isn't super descriptive at all.
> 
> Have fun!

Clarke was finally able to go back to her classes and work that Monday. She knew full well that she really had Lexa to thank for that, and she planned to show her gratitude in every way possible.

When she walked into the library Monday morning (after nine, thank you very much), Clarke had two cups of coffee and a bagel in her hands. She placed one cup and the bagel on the front counter for Lexa, the sound drawing the brunette's attention to her.

"Good morning, Clarke," Lexa greeted with a smile. She reached up to grab her to-be breakfast. "I'm glad to see that you're up and moving again."

"Thanks to you," Clarke said. She leaned against the counter as she took in the woman in front of her. Lexa blew on her coffee before taking a sip, none the wiser to Clarke's eyes on her.

She moaned at the taste of the hot drink. "You're an angel, you know that?" Lexa asked, meeting Clarke's gaze. She tilted her head in question at Clarke's lack of response. "Are you not feeling well, Clarke?"

Clarke really loved the way Lexa said her name. The click of the 'k', the softening of her tone... It all just made her name sound so much nicer than it ever had before.

"I'm feeling fine," Clarke said with a smile. She reached over the counter to grab a bit of Lexa's bagel, popping it into her mouth with a grin.

"Maybe a bit hungry, though," Lexa said with a slightly exasperated smile on her face. Clarke only shrugged in response. Lexa stood from her seat once Clarke swallowed her bit of bagel, leaning over slightly to place her hand against Clarke's cheek. She kissed her other cheek before saying, "Thanks for breakfast."

Clarke turned her head to place a soft kiss to Lexa's palm. "I figured I still owed you that bagel you suggested I buy you," she teased.

Lexa groaned and fell back into her seat. "Not you, too. Anya won't leave me alone about that either."

"Anya?" Clarke asked, curiosity piqued. She leaned her head against her hand while she rested her elbow on the countertop.

"My annoying older sister. I'm sure you'll meet her some day in the near future. She has a penchant for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong, and she'll probably show up here at some point to tease me in your presence." She looked over Clarke's shoulder as the doors to the library pushed open. "Ah. Speak of the devil."

Clarke's expression fell into one of panic. She definitely wasn't considering meeting the family yet, and now she was thrown into it without any forewarning at all. She felt her palms begin to sweat with anxiety, and she refused to turn around to see the other woman walking up behind her.

Lexa's eyes flicked between her approaching sister and Clarke, concern etched in the scrunch of her brow. "Are you okay, Clarke?" she said only loud enough for Clarke to hear.

"Uh-huh," Clarke squeaked out as Lexa's sister came to a stop beside her. Clarke took a deep breath, channeling her Doctor Griffin persona. She could get through this. Meeting the family isn't even that big of a deal, right? It could happen at any point in a relationship.

Anya cleared her throat and Clarke tried to hide her slight cringe at the sudden sound. She continued to hold Lexa's gaze for a moment longer until Lexa looked over to her sister.

"What a pleasure, Anya. Though, I hardly believe that you're here for any books." She quirked an eyebrow at her sister.

"Maybe I am. I do like to read, you know." Anya crossed her arms and leaned them on the counter top.

Lexa rolled her eyes. "In the years I've worked here, I have never seen you step foot through those doors."

Anya shrugged. "Maybe it's time for a change."

"Or maybe you're just nosey."

Anya ignored this, instead turning to Clarke. Clarke took another deep breath and turned to look at Anya as well, meeting her brown eyes directly. She could totally do this. Face off with the extremely intimidating sister of the girl she was hoping to call her girlfriend in the near future. No problem.

"Hm," Anya hummed, looking Clarke over. "This must be the--"

"Clarke," Lexa interrupted, standing from her seat again. Clarke looked over to Lexa to see that the brunette was smiling reassuringly at her. "This is my sister, Anya. Anya, this is Clarke," Lexa introduced.

Clarke stuck out her hand to Anya. "A pleasure to meet you." And she was proud to say that her voice didn't shake at all, even in her nervousness. Maybe that Doctor Griffin persona would really pay off in this situation.

Anya looked down at Clarke's proffered hand, choosing to ignore it to look back up at Clarke's face.

"Anya..." Lexa warned from the other side of the desk. Anya rolled her eyes again before quickly shaking Clarke's hand.

"Pleasure," she said simply. The three stood in silence while Anya looked over Clarke repeatedly. Clarke forced herself to stand still, not allowing even her hands to fidget by her sides. "She's hotter than you made out," Anya said, finally breaking the silence.

"Anya!" Lexa admonished. "Could you behave yourself for once?"

Anya looked away from Clarke to meet her sister's reprimanding gaze. "What? It's true. A compliment, really."

Lexa shook her head disbelievingly. "Clarke, I am so sorry for my sister's behavior," she said, turning to Clarke.

Clarke looked between the two siblings, a smirk making its way across her lips. She crossed her arms and leaned her side against the counter, feeling slightly more confident in herself.

"Oh, it's fine. Please continue. What else has Lexa told you about me?" Clarke asked, waving her hand out in front of her to signal for Anya to continue on.

Anya gave a wicked grin to her sister before turning fully to Clarke. "I'm sure nothing else lives up to expectations, either," she said, also leaning her side against the counter. She sized Clarke up again, taking in her confident smirk that was now firmly in place. She reached over the counter to grab Lexa's coffee cup off the desk. "This is your doing as well?" she asked Clarke.

Clarke nodded as she watched Anya pull the cup sleeve down. She wouldn't admit it aloud, but she was actually slightly nervous seeing Lexa's first reaction to one of her drawings. She glanced over to Lexa to see her staring directly at Clarke, stubbornly avoiding looking over to the cup until Anya returned the sleeve to its position and placed it back down on Lexa's coaster.

"She's has a collection growing, you know? It's going to take over the entire apartment if you keep this up." Anya tapped her fingertips on the counter top, waiting for Clarke's response."

Clarke shrugged. "They stack."

"Oh no. That would cover up the majesty that is your artwork," Anya said, shooting a glance at Lexa.

Lexa rubbed at her forehead exasperatedly. "Anya, please stop..." she mumbled. Clarke chuckled at the response.

"I'm assuming those aren't your words," Clarke said to Anya. Anya shook her head.

"Of course not. I'm the reasonable one that would actually stack the damn things. But then again, I'm not enamored by the artist."

"Enamored?" Clarke questioned, eyebrow quirking up.

Lexa groaned again, falling back into her seat. She buried her head in her hands as she placed her elbows on her desk. "Is this really a conversation that we have to have?"

"Yes," both Clarke and Anya said at the same moment.

"Utterly enamored, if we're being honest. I'd go as far as to say smitten," Anya continued as if her sister wasn't sitting mortified only feet from her.

"Oh yeah?" Clarke looked over at Lexa to see her still hiding her face, though her ears were turning a bright red.

Anya hummed, looking over at Lexa as well. "Clearly," she said simply.

Clarke chuckled and reached over to run her fingers through Lexa's hair. Lexa looked up at her with a slight pout on her lips.

"Look what your'e doing to her. You've broken her. She's becoming a softy." Anya watched their interaction, a mocking grimace on her face.

Lexa pulled Clarke's hand into her own, squeezing it lightly. "I'm not a softy," she grumbled, looking over at her sister.

Clarke pulled her hand from Lexa's after giving her fingers one more squeeze.

"She says after spending the entire last week doting on you," Anya said, addressing Clarke.

Clarke grinned cheekily. "Well, she has to take care of her new favorite artist."

"I don't know. Maybe if she hadn't we wouldn't have to collect any more of those," Anya said, pointing at the coffee cup on Lexa's desk.

Clarke raised her eyebrow and looked Anya over. She leaned closer to the older woman and spoke in a conspiratorial tone. "If you wanted one for yourself, all you had to do was ask. Just don't let your sister know," she stage whispered.

"Well if I had known that..." Anya said, trailing off.

Clarke leaned back with a triumphant smirk. "Who knows, maybe you'll become enamored with me as well."

Anya looked over Clarke again, smirk more evident now. She pointed at Clarke and looked over to Lexa. "She's good. Keep her."

Lexa groaned and thumped her head down onto her desk. "I wish you two had never met..." she mumbled.

"Sit up, Lexa. That's not proper posture for the Commander," Anya said, taking on a tone of superiority.

Lexa jolted up with a terrifying glare and pointed at Anya. "Don't."

"Commander?" Clarke asked, once again finding her gaze darting between Anya and Lexa.

Anya stared Lexa down with her own fierce glare.

Lexa turned her finger to point at Clarke, though her eyes didn't leave her sister. "No," she said bluntly before turning her finger back to her sister. "Don't," Lexa warned again.

Anya quirked an eyebrow, the sibling's staring contest becoming even more heated as Clarke watched on. To be honest, if Clarke was on the end of either glare, she's sure she'd probably melt under the fire in them. She hoped that she'd never be on the receiving end of either.

Finally, Anya looked away from her younger sister to meet Clarke's eyes with a shrug. "A story for another day, perhaps. The Commander here may very well sentence me to death if I tell you now. Maybe even try to kick me off a tower."

"Anya..." Lexa growled, still glaring at the side of her sister's head.

"And with that," Anya said, backing away from the desk with a triumphant smirk, "I will make my departure. Another time, Clarke," she said with a mock bow before making her way out of the library doors.

Clarke watched Anya as she walked away before turning back to find Lexa still glaring daggers at where Anya was last seen. Clarke chuckled softly, watching the brunette as she simmered in her supposed anger.

"That could have gone worse," Clarke finally said, drawing Lexa's eyes to her.

"For you, maybe," Lexa grumbled, grabbing her coffee to take a sip from it.

"Aaw," Clarke cooed, reaching over to run her fingers through Lexa's hair again. She really loved the feeling of the brunette's soft curls running through her fingers. And Lexa seemed to calm from the touch as well. So really, it was a win-win in Clarke's eyes. "It wasn't _that_ bad."

Lexa sighed and put her coffee cup back down, eyeing the sleeve around the sketch she knew was waiting for her. "It probably could have been worse," Lexa finally admitted. "You handled that very well, Clarke."

Clarke smiled brightly, her hand retracting from Lexa's hair. "She's not so bad."

"As long as you aren't her sister." Lexa looked over to the library doors again, as if checking to make sure that her sister wasn't going to return to wreak more havoc.

Clarke found herself chuckling again. "From what I can tell, she seems to really care about you. Why would she have come all the way out here just to check me out if she didn't?"

Lexa hummed in response, thinking over Clarke's words. "Yeah, I guess so. She could have been a bit less humiliating, though."

"While I've never had a brother or sister, I've heard that they thrive on humiliating their younger siblings," Clarke said. She bent so that she could rest her chin on her bent arms on the counter and found herself at eye level with Lexa.

Lexa huffed and rolled her eyes. "Anya's got that covered, that's for sure."

Clarke laughed again, finding the sibling's interaction to be quite comical now that she didn't have to dread her first meeting with Anya. And Lexa was really being far too adorable with the mix between a scowl and a pout adorning her features.

"Well, I have to go actually get some work done today." Clarke pushed off from the desk, grabbing her coffee cup as she moved to walk to her usual table. She saw that Lexa had found all of the books that she needed once again. "You're welcome to join me again, if you'd like," Clarke said over her shoulder as she was walking.

Lexa smirked and crossed her arms as she watched Clarke walk away from her slowly. "Maybe later. But perhaps you should work on your own for a bit, unless you want to end up napping on me again."

Clarke stuck her tongue out at the brunette. "Fine. Be that way. I'll just work over here, all on my own," Clarke pouted, plopping her backpack down onto the table. She sighed dramatically as she sat down in her seat.

Lexa rolled her eyes with a smirk before she gathered her things from her desk. Clarke's smile spread as she watched Lexa walk over to her. "Just get to work," Lexa mumbled through a small smile when she looked over to see Clarke smirking smugly at her.

* * *

 

"What is _that_?" Lexa asked as she watched Clarke stumble into the library holding a large box of something that appeared to be rather heavy.

Clarke waddled up to the front desk and dropped the box on the counter. She wiped a bit of sweat off her forehead.

Lexa looked between the box and Clarke, waiting for some sort of explanation as to why her desk had a new addition.

" _That_ ," Clarke began, opening the top of the box that wasn't taped shut to begin with. "Is your new desk companion." She pulled out a rather large potted succulent. "It's name is Charles."

"Charles?" Lexa questioned. Clarke held the potted plant to her torso and walked around Lexa's desk to place it on the floor beside the brunette.

"Yes. Charles," Clarke repeated, standing up and staring down the succulent triumphantly. Really, it was multiple plants, and as Lexa examined it, she had to admit that it was actually a pretty cool little habitat.

Lexa looked back up to Clarke to find her staring her down with her hands on her hips. "Can I ask why I have a new desk companion?"

Clarke leaned her hip against Lexa desk, crossing her arms in the same motion. She blew out a breath of air to get a piece of hair that escaped her messy bun out of her face. "That's a long story."

Lexa exaggeratedly looked around the library. "Well, I don't seem to have anything pressing to worry about at the moment."

"It's not that important," Clarke said, dropping her head and rubbing the back of her neck. Lexa noted the light pink tint that was taking over the blonde's features and became even more interested in hearing the story of her new addition.

"Now you've got me curious. Please?"

Clarke tossed her head back and groaned before letting her head fall to look at Lexa again. "You remember _the-incident-that-shall-not-be-named_?" she asked. When Lexa nodded, she continued, though reluctantly. "So, I may or may not have run into another ex while I was at Lowe's."

"You were at Lowe's?" Lexa cut in. "I thought the gay-girl place was Home Depot?"

"I'm bi, so I have a little more leeway as to where I can shop for tools."

"Fair enough. Please, continue," Lexa prompted.

Clarke sighed and rubbed her forehead. "So, as I said, I may have run into another ex at Lowe's. And I just happened to be next to this gardening display of succulents. Did you know that these things are actually incredibly popular now?"

"Can't say that I've really noticed."

"Well, they're apparently all the rage for hipster twenty-somethings. Anyway, I was headed in the direction of what I needed to get, when low-and-behold my ex, Niylah, comes walking out of one of the aisles. And of course she sees me and decides it'd be a great time to come talk to me."

Lexa nodded along, an amused smirk forming as she listened to Clarke go on about how she came to be the proud owner of a succulent.

"So my brilliant self grabbed the closest thing to me, which just so happened to be this plant here." She tapped the pot on the floor gently with the toe of her shoe. "And I made a beeline for the registers. I'm happy to say that I didn't need to actually interact with Niylah other than a brief hello."

"Is this a habit of yours?" Lexa asked, smirking up at the blonde.

"Is what a habit of mine?"

"Avoiding awkward situations by grabbing the first thing you can and running away?" Lexa had to fight to hide her chuckle as Clarke's face flushed a rather adorable shade of pink.

"It might be..." Clarke mumbled down at her shoes.

Lexa shook her head, wondering how she managed to find this awkward and yet so incredibly adorable and endearing human being.

Pushing to her feet, Lexa closed the small distance between herself and Clarke and pulled the blonde into her arms. "You are far too cute, you know that?"

Clarke buried her head into the crook of Lexa's neck, keeping her arms crossed between their bodies. "I'm an embarrassment to humankind," she murmured into Lexa's skin.

Lexa chuckled again, stroking Clarke's hair. "No you're not. You may be just a bit hasty in your avoidance techniques." She nudged the side of Clarke's head with her chin. "But look, I got an awesome desk buddy out of it, and there's another funny story to tell."

Clarke grumbled into Lexa's neck. "This is not a story to tell people, Lex."

"Sure it is," Lexa confirmed, pushing Clarke away from her slightly. She continued when the blonde looked up and met her eyes. "How many people can say that their girlfriend impulsively bought them a plant to avoid an ex? How cute of a story is that?"

She didn't realize her mistake until Clarke froze in front of her. Lexa's arms fell to her sides and her eyes widened as she thought over what she had just said.

"I totally didn't mean-- I guess I just-- Wait, that's not--" She couldn't decide on how to actually get out of this mess. And by Clarke's continued silence, she assumed that she had really messed up here. "Please don't be upset..." Lexa reached out a hand tentatively toward Clarke before letting it fall to her side again, afraid that Clarke wouldn't want to be touched at the moment. "It just slipped out."

Clarke blinked up at Lexa, her expression not giving away her thoughts. "Girlfriend?" she asked, her tone level. Lexa was seriously beginning to freak out. She had never seen Clarke this blank and emotionless before, and it was starting to scare her.

Really, she didn't mean to let the g-word slip out. Of course she had been meaning to ask Clarke officially for a while now. They had been on a few dates since their first, and they were definitely closer than before. She felt like it was time to make it official. But she hadn't meant to just let it slip out like that. And by Clarke's reaction, the blonde didn't actually want to make it official. Maybe it wasn't as serious for her as it was for Lexa. Maybe Lexa had been reading this whole situation wrong all along. And now here she was, ruining what may be the best thing that had happened in her life because she couldn't filter herself.

_Shit. Shit shit shit shit._

"Lexa?" Clarke called softly. Her gaze had softened significantly, and she looked at Lexa with concern. She reached her hand out and took Lexa's. "Did you mean that?"

"I... That's not how I wanted to ask you," Lexa admitted dejectedly. "And if you don't want to be my girlfriend, I totally understand. I just thought that after everythi--" Lexa's word vomit was cut off by Clarke's lips pressing against her own.

Lexa's eyes fell closed as she melted into the kiss, reaching up to grasp the back of Clarke's neck. Clarke's hands moved up Lexa's back to grip her shoulders, pulling her closer. Their lips moved slowly. Passionately.

When they broke apart, Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke's.

"Does that make it clear?" Clarke asked, her breath ghosting across Lexa's lips.

Lexa shook her head slightly. "You may have to repeat yourself a few times." She opened her eyes to find Clarke smirking at her.

"Oh yeah?" Clarke asked.

Lexa hummed and nodded in response, letting her eyes fall shut again.

"Well then," Clarke said before pressing her lips gently to Lexa's right cheek. "I," she moved to kiss her left cheek, "would," she kissed her forehead, "love," her left eyelid, "to be," her right eye lid, "your..." She paused and let her lips barely touch Lexa's. "Girlfriend," Clarke said before pressing her lips more firmly to Lexa's.

Lexa wrapped her arm around the small of Clarke's back, keeping her other hand on the back of Clarke's neck. She pulled the blonde even closer, melding their bodies together.

Lexa was wrong before.

This wasn't _maybe_ the best thing that had happened in her life.

Clarke, her _girlfriend_ , was definitely the best thing that had ever happened in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go!!!! It's official! And the story is going to start rolling along even more now, as we get into more shenanigans with these two and their friends. It'll be a fun ride, just stick with me. 
> 
> Next week, as I said, may have weird update schedules. So I'm sorry in advance if it's weird. But there will be two new chapters next week at some point.
> 
> Comments/requests/kudos are the true loves of my life. So please, don't keep me from my loves. (Also, come find me on tumblr @musiclurv for random updates every now and again (read: rarely) and random posts of Clexa and many other things)
> 
> Happy Holidays!


	17. The Way that We Are is the Reason I Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roommate bonding, the talk happens, and Lexa gets better acquainted with Raven and Octavia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update this week! Here's a bit to get you by until I'm able to throw up some more later in the week. Enjoy!

Clarke walked into her apartment as calmly as she could. She tried to force the smile off her face, but knew that it was a futile effort.

Her phone dinged with a new text as she was placing her keys on the key hook.

**Lexa (4:42 PM): Is it too soon to say I want to see you again?**

Clarke bit her lip. Really, she was trying not to smile so much. But with a girlfriend like Lexa, who could really blame her for not being able to keep the smile off her face?

A _girlfriend_ like Lexa. Because Lexa was her girlfriend now, and she could call her that whenever she wanted to. Her _girlfriend_ , Lexa.

**Clarke (4:44 PM): Only if it's too soon to say that I miss my girlfriend.**

Clarke leaned against the wall in the entranceway, waiting as the text bubble popped up indicating that Lexa was typing out a reply.

**Lexa (4:45 PM): Then it must not be too soon to say that I really love hearing you say that.**

**Clarke (4:45 PM): Well I really love saying it.**

**Lexa (4:46 PM): Dinner tonight?**

Clarke frowned down at her phone. She'd love nothing more than to go out to dinner tonight, but unfortunately...

"Clarke, would you hurry up? We are ridiculously low on actual food, and we need to get going," Raven called from the kitchen. Clarke walked in to find her friend with her head in the fridge. "Really, it's honestly sad how little we have to eat. When was the last time we went grocery shopping?"

Clarke shrugged, leaning against the counter. "Too long ago, apparently."

Raven moved away from the fridge and slammed the door. "Well, let's get going. This kitchen isn't going to replenish itself. Are we still on for girls' night tonight?"

Clarke played with the phone in her hands, looking down at it distractedly every couple of seconds. "Yeah, totally. I haven't ever missed a girls' night."

She unlocked her phone to type out a reply to Lexa.

**Clarke (4:54 PM): Sorry, I can't. I have plans with Rae and O :(**

Raven studied her for a second, watching silently as Clarke chewed on her lip. The brunette tipped her head to the side in thought before turning away from Clarke to rummage through the kitchen cabinets.

"I was going to start a list of what we need, but I figured it's basically everything. So," she closed the cabinet door, "let's just get going."

Clarke nodded, quickly checking the response Lexa sent.

**Lexa (4:57 PM): Oh, that's cool. Have fun. I'll see you later :)**

Clarke smiled sadly at her phone. It may be a bit pathetic, but she actually really wanted to see Lexa again as soon as possible. Yeah, they just became official, and they literally just spent time together for a couple of hours, but she missed her already. There was still so much to learn about Lexa, and Clarke wanted to spend every second of her days trying to figure her girlfriend out.

"You can invite your girlfriend to join us tonight, you know," Raven said from her position across the kitchen. Clarke's head snapped up to meet her roommate's eyes.

"What? How did you--"

"Ah-ha! So that _is_ why you look like a kicked puppy," Raven said triumphantly. She walked over to Clarke and pinched her cheek. "You can invite your little love to join us, Clarkey," she said in a baby-voice.

Clarke swatted her hand away. "Stop that."

"Well, get to it," Raven said, walking out of the kitchen to go put her shoes on in the living room.

"Get to what?" Clarke asked, following her friend out to sit on the couch.

Raven rolled her eyes, leaning over to tie her shoes once she sat down. "Inviting your girlfriend to join us tonight."

"I don't think Lexa would want to sit in on a movie marathon with you and O," Clarke said, fiddling with her phone. The prospect was very enticing, she had to admit. An evening cuddled up to her girlfriend on the couch, her best friends doing the same. It'd be almost like a double date.

"Wait," Raven said suddenly, sitting up ramrod straight. Clarke looked over to her friend, startled by the sudden movement.

"What's wrong?" Clarke asked, reaching over to grip Raven's shoulder.

Raven looked over at Clarke, her eyes comically wide. "You didn't deny it."

"Deny what?" Clarke asked, nose scrunching in confusion.

"Any time we've ever called Lexa your girlfriend, you've always denied it. Said it's not official," Raven explained.

Clarke felt her face break into a huge grin. She waited a moment longer, the excitement threatening to burst out of her.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Raven asked, her own smile forming as she watched Clarke basically shaking with excitement. Clarke nodded enthusiastically. "Well?"

"It's official!" Clarke all but shouted, bouncing slightly in her seat.

"Clarke! That's fantastic!" Raven said excitedly, pulling Clarke into a hug. "When did that happen?"

Clarke pulled out of the hug, blushing slightly. "Well, that's kind of a long story. But to keep it short, Lexa basically accidentally called me her girlfriend, and we talked about it and decided that we wanted to make it official."

Raven stared at Clarke blankly. "That is the lamest story ever."

Clarke shrugged. "Well, it's basically what happened."

"Judging by the blush, I'm assuming there's quite a bit more to it than that." Raven crossed her arms and settled into the couch.

Clarke sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. "Well, it may have included another _incident-that-shall-not-be-named_."

"You ran into another awkward situation and ended up buying something you really didn't need?" Raven asked. Clarke hadn't realized that it really was such a recurring reaction that even her friends realized she always did it. "Was it at least something child-appropriate this time?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. " _Yes_. It was a plant."

"A plant?"

"Yes."

"Okay, can you backtrack and tell me the whole story?"

So, Clarke found herself retelling the incident with Niylah for the second time that day. Of course, Raven knew a bit more about the whole Niylah saga of her life, so she found even more humor in Clarke's reaction.

"You two didn't even end on bad terms. Why on earth did you find it necessary to run from her?" Raven asked, clearly amused at her friend's go-to reaction to any situation she thought would be even remotely uncomfortable.

Clarke fidgeted in her seat. "I don't know, to be honest. It was just a gut reaction."

Raven laughed at her friend's incredible awkwardness. "Okay, okay," she said when she stopped laughing. "So you bought a giant ass plant instead of talking to an ex. How did that lead to you and Lexa becoming official?"

"Well, I thought I'd give it to Lexa because what would we do with a 'giant ass plant'?" Clarke leaned back on the couch, a soft smile growing across her lips. "And it just kinda happened. I told Lexa what happened and how I came about buying Charles."

"Charles?" Raven asked, clearly confused.

"The plant."

"You named the plant?"

"Not the point, Rae." Clarke rolled her eyes, chuckling at her easily distracted friend.

"Right. So, you brought it to Lexa and explained what happened," Raven prompted.

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, and then I was naturally embarrassed by the whole situation. Who on earth has a natural tendency to just buy things to escape awkward situations?"

"You're the only one I know of," Raven teased.

"Thanks," Clarke grumbled, shooting a glare at Raven. Raven just smiled cheekily and gestured for Clarke to continue. "Anyway, I was embarrassed, and Lexa was being her amazing self by trying to comfort me. And she just kinda accidentally called me her girlfriend."

"It just slipped out?"

"Yeah," Clarke said with a dreamy smile on her face. She knew she probably looked utterly ridiculous, but thinking about what happened... She was just so happy about it that she couldn't help it. "And she freaked out for a bit. I think she thought I didn't want to actually be her girlfriend." Clarke's brow creased at this. She had no idea how Lexa would be able to think for even a second that Clarke wasn't interested in being her girlfriend. She thought she was being pretty obvious about that.

"So Lextra," Raven said, waving it off.

"Lextra?" Clarke asked, looking over at her friend in confusion.

Raven shrugged. "Yeah, extra Lexa. Lexa being extra. Lextra."

Clarke chuckled and shook her head. "Don't let her hear you calling her that." Raven just shrugged again and waited for Clarke to continue the story. "It just kinda happened after that. I had to shut up her rambling--"

"In the best way possible, I hope."

"Of course," Clarke admitted. "And then we just decided to make it official, I guess."

"And that took the entire three hours that you were away?" Raven asked, leaning in toward Clarke. She clearly thought she was about to get some juicy details.

Clarke stood abruptly from the couch, stretching her arms above her head. "I may have stuck around the library for a bit after that. Talking and just hanging out."

"Talking and hanging out," Raven said doubtfully from the couch. Clarke bent down to pat Raven's leg. "Is that the new Netflix and chill?"

"Let's get going. We've got shopping to do before Octavia gets here." She walked toward the front door, grabbing her keys back off of the hook.

"Are you going to text your girlfriend?" Raven asked. Clarke's smile widened at her friend calling Lexa that. She really didn't think that she'd ever tire of hearing it.

She quickly pulled out her phone and shot Lexa a text.

**Clarke (5:23 PM): Change of plans. Sort of. Did you want to join us for our girls' night?**

She didn't have to wait long for a response.

**Lexa (5:24 PM): Yeah, sure. What's happening?**

**Clarke (5:24 PM): Pizza and some movies at our apartment. It's a pretty relaxed night. Bring pj's.**

**Lexa (5:25 PM): Got it. Should I bring anything else?**

**Clarke (5:25 PM): Just your fine self ;)**

Clarke could imagine the amused eye roll that Lexa was undoubtedly giving that text.

**Lexa (5:26 PM): Alright. What time?**

**Clarke (5:27 PM): 7:30 sound good? We should be back at the apartment by then.**

**Lexa (5:27 PM): Sounds great. See you then :)**

Clarke smiled and put her phone into her back pocket. "Alright, she's going to come."

"Hopefully not until Octavia and I are asleep. And preferably in your bedroom," Raven said, pushing past Clarke to walk out the door.

Clarke followed, pulling the door shut and locking it behind them. "That is so not what I meant at all, Reyes," Clarke said, smacking her friend's shoulder.

Raven threw up her hands in surrender. "Sure it wasn't, Griffin. As if you aren't hoping for it to be true."

Clarke's face heated up as she followed Raven down the apartment complex's stairs, grumbling about how untactful and rude some people could be.

* * *

 

Lexa knocked on Clarke's apartment door, waiting patiently for the blonde to answer. Instead, she was treated with the sound of pounding footsteps and a body slamming into the other side of the door.

When it was finally pulled open, Lexa stared confused at the sight before her. Raven stood at the door, staring Lexa down with a shit-eating grin on her face. Behind her, Lexa saw what she thought was Clarke being dragged into the other room forcibly by Octavia, but it happened so fast that she wasn't quite sure.

"Uh..." Lexa started, looking back and forth between Raven and where she had last seen Clarke. "Is everything alright?"

Raven leaned against the doorframe, looking Lexa up and down. "Uh-huh. Everything perfect. Wonderful, even. Fantastic, some would say."

Lexa heard struggling from the other room and what sounded like Octavia muffling Clarke's voice.

"Really?" Lexa asked hesitantly. She didn't like the look on Raven's face one bit. And, though she didn't know the girl that well, she knew to fear any time it looked like Raven was up to something. Clarke had warned her to always proceed with caution around Raven when she was like this.

"Mhm. Just dandy. So Lexa, tell me..." Raven moved into the hallway and closed the door to their apartment behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest and her face fell into a serious expression. "Clarke thinks that I'm embarrassing her, which is a good assumption. But really, you're about to get the best friend talk. Ready?"

Lexa just nodded and swallowed thickly. She should have known this was coming. Clarke didn't keep anything from her friends, and it wasn't really a surprise that Raven knew that they had become official. But still, she was hoping that this wouldn't happen. At least not yet.

"Look, I like you Lexa. I think you're good for Clarke. She's been alone for longer than she would care to admit, and she's been through some rough stuff. But she's been happier since she met you. I can see that, O can see that, all of our friends can see that. Hell, even her mom can see that, and they only ever talk over the phone. So here's the deal. You do anything to hurt her, and you're going to be in a fuck ton of pain. She doesn't deserve to be shit on again. She deserves to be happy, and I think that you could possibly be the one to give her that happiness." Raven paused and leaned in closer to Lexa. Lexa wasn't usually one to be intimidated, but Raven was a force to be reckoned with. She'd be dumb to say she wasn't at least a little afraid of the fire in Raven's eyes. "If you hurt her, if you even think about hurting her, I will personally hunt you down. And I'm sure all of our friends will join me. There is nowhere you can hide, no where you can run to that will keep us from finding you. And we. will. ruin. you. Got it?" Raven lifted an eyebrow, waiting for Lexa to answer.

Lexa nodded again and held her ground. She took a deep breath and met Raven's gaze. "I do not intend to hurt Clarke in any sense of the word. She's special, Raven. It would go against everything within me to hurt her. I promise you that I will do everything within my power to keep her safe." She paused and looked down to her feet. "If anything, she'll be the one to hurt me," she mumbled.

They stood quietly in the hall for a moment, some loud noises coming from inside the apartment.

Finally, Raven reached out and grasped Lexa's shoulder. "I believe you. But the threat will continue to stand until your final breath."

Lexa looked up with a slight smile. "Understandable."

Raven nodded and let her hand drop. "Now, pretend to be embarrassed or something. She doesn't need to know what happened out here." Raven looked down at Lexa's hands, just now noticing she was carrying something. "Oh, beer! Fantastic." She pushed open the door to their apartment, walking back inside and pulling Lexa along behind her. "You two can stop fighting! Clarke, your girlfriend brought beer. Now it's a party!"

They walked into the living room to see Octavia sitting on Clarke's stomach as Clarke struggled on the couch. Octavia looked up at them, not bothered at all by the wriggling Clarke underneath her.

"That didn't take long," Octavia said, swatting Clarke's hands away as the blonde tried to push her off. "That hasn't worked the last dozen times you've tried. Why would you think it would work now?" she asked, looking down at Clarke. She tutted and finally slid off her friend. "Looks like you're free to go now, princess."

Clarke tumbled off the couch, glaring angrily at her friends. "That was so unnecessary." She looked over to Lexa, her glare dropping instantly. "I am so sorry, Lex. I didn't know they were planning to do... whatever that was. Please ignore whatever just happened."

Lexa just chuckled and moved to pull Clarke into a quick one armed hug, the six pack hanging from her left hand."It's fine. I think you got the worst of it, anyway." She looked over at Octavia and Raven who were both beaming at the couple innocently.

Clarke rolled her eyes, leaving her arm wrapped around the small of Lexa's back. "They're a bit much. Anyway," she said, pulling the six pack out of Lexa's hand, "let's go put this in the fridge. Then we can start a movie. The pizza should be here soon."

Lexa let Clarke lead her into the kitchen. When they got there, Clarke put the beer on the counter and turned back to Lexa. "I really am sorry about them. I don't know what Raven said to you, but I'm sure it was highly inappropriate. So please, _please_ just ignore whatever it was." She wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist, looking up at Lexa.

Lexa brushed her nose against Clarke before pressing a soft kiss against the blonde's lips. "It's really okay," she said once she pulled away. "I expected nothing less from my girlfriend's best friend."

"Mm," Clarke hummed, pressing a kiss to Lexa's jaw. "What did she say, anyway?"

Lexa, distracted by the soft kisses Clarke had started trailing along her jaw, took a moment to respond. "What did who say?" she asked, her head tilting to the side a bit to give Clarke more room.

Clarke pulled away, a cocky smirk teasing at her lips. "Raven, Lexa. What did Raven say?"

Lexa took another moment to try to compose herself and think back to the conversation that seemed so far away at the moment. She scrunched her brow in concentration. "Oh! She didn't actually want me to tell you what she said."

Clarke arched an eyebrow at her, clearly waiting for Lexa to tell her anyway.

"I really probably shouldn't. I'm sure you trying to coerce it out of me is breaking some kind of best friend code or something."

Clarke just hummed and leaned in to start peppering kisses up and down Lexa's neck. "Are you really sure about that?" she asked between kisses.

Lexa buried her hand in Clarke's loose curls, pulling the blonde closer to her. "Uhm... Pretty sure. Raven might," she broke off with a gasp as Clarke bit down softly against her pulse point. "Raven might kill me if I tell you."

Clarke nuzzled her nose behind Lexa's ear, placing a kiss there a moment later. "Really?" Her voice had dropped into a husky mumble, and in that instant Lexa knew she was going to give in. There was no way that she'd be able to resist Clarke anything that she wanted.

Lexa felt Clarke pull her closer by her hips, erasing any space that was between them.

"Clarke! Stop fondling your girlfriend and get in here!" Raven called from the living room.

Clarke pulled her head back from Lexa, though she kept their bodies pressed together. "Keep your pants on. We'll be in there in a minute!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"Where's the fun in a movie night if we have to keep our pants on?" Octavia asked. Raven agreed heartily with a booming laugh.

Clarke just rolled her eyes and looked back at Lexa. Her blue eyes were almost completely hidden by her blown pupils. "This isn't over," she husked, pressing one more quick kiss to Lexa's lips.

With that, she pulled away from Lexa and walked back into the living room. Lexa was left standing there in confusion, her hands grasping at empty air. Finally she let her hands drop to her sides and threw her head back, letting out a low groan.

She moved over to the counter and picked up the six pack, intending to put them all in the fridge. She paused just before she let the door swing closed, deciding that she may need a bit of help to survive this evening. Pulling the door back open fully, she grabbed a beer before joining her girlfriend and her friends in the living room.

* * *

 

Clarke walked out into the living room to find her friends cuddled up together on one end of the couch. Without a moment's hesitation, she walked over and grabbed a pillow, smacking both of their heads with it before settling on the other end of the couch.

Raven opened her mouth to protest, but stopped when she saw Clarke hold up her hand. "You both deserved that and you know it."

Raven's mouth snapped shut and she met Octavia's gaze. With a shrug and a nod they both accepted their fates and relaxed back into the couch again.

"Exactly," Clarke mumbled, hugging the pillow to her chest.

It was then that Lexa walked out of the kitchen, open beer in hand. Clarke raised an eyebrow in question, but didn't voice it. Lexa just shrugged and sunk down on the couch next to her. She threw her arm over Clarke's shoulders, letting Clarke lean into her side as she sipped her beer.

"So what're we watching?" Lexa asked as she traced her fingers over Clarke's shoulder.

(Lexa still looked a little flushed, and Clarke would be lying if she said she wasn't a little proud of herself.)

Clarke leaned her head against Lexa's shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to her jaw again, if only to see the muscles there clench for a moment in poorly concealed restraint.

"It was Octavia's pick this time. So you'd have to ask her," Clarke explained. "But it's probably something with a lot of action."

"I'm good with action," Lexa said offhandedly.

Clarke muffled a laugh at the implications, but she should have known that not everyone in the room would be as tactful.

"Oh, I'm sure you are," Raven said from her spot across the couch. Octavia snickered from her position against Raven.

Lexa looked confused for a moment, her brows scrunching. Finally a look of understanding came across her face and a faint blush rose from her neck. "That is _not_ what I meant."

"Uh-huh," Raven said, doubt clear in her voice. "Is she good with action, Clarke?" she asked, looking away from Lexa to meet Clarke's eyes.

"Hmm..." Clarke hummed, tapping her chin in thought.

"I don't think it's something that needs that much thought," Octavia said, watching on as Lexa got redder and Clarke's grin grew.

"Well..." Clarke said, letting her hand fall to just above Lexa's knee. Yeah, she liked to tease, but she didn't want to torture her newly official girlfriend.

"Why don't we start the movie, guys?" Lexa yelped, clearly quite a bit more than just a little flustered. She grabbed Clarke's hand and entwined their fingers, though she allowed them to still rest on her thigh.

Clarke laughed at her response. "Sure, Lex. We can start the movie. Octavia?" she prompted. She kissed her girlfriend on her cheek and settled her head on Lexa's shoulder.

Octavia reached over to grab the remote off the coffee table and then settled against Raven once again.

Thinking the subject dropped, Lexa relaxed against Clarke.

When the menu for the movie popped up, the silence that had fallen between them broke.

"Ready to get some action, ladies?" Raven asked, Octavia hiding her laughter in Raven's shoulder.

Lexa stiffened up again, her blush making another appearance, as Clarke threw the pillow she was still holding at her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go! Everyone's bonding, and all is well with the world. 
> 
> I'm not sure when the next post will be up, but it may get put up a lot earlier than usual, depending on my schedule while away from home. Or, it could possibly be put up later than usual. I really, have no idea what-so-ever. So I apologize for that.
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/requests are always loved. I love hearing from y'all and it's so encouraging to see comments and kudos on each chapter. Thank you all so much for leaving kind things for me!!
> 
> You can come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you find yourself longing for more info about this story. I'm always glad to answer questions or just chat.


	18. All Hail the Underdogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War is brewing, my friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I managed to find some time today (because I know it's not going to be happening tomorrow). So here's your second chapter of the week! Enjoy!!!

The following Monday found Clarke sprinting into the library and diving behind Lexa's desk, nerf gun gripped tightly in her hands. She gasped for breath, peaking around the side of the desk to make sure she wasn't being followed before she looked up to find her girlfriend steadily focused on whatever she was typing out on her laptop.

She nudged Lexa's rolling chair with her foot, inching the brunette sideways a bit. "Psst," she hissed, trying to get Lexa's attention.

Lexa only tilted her head slightly, eyes still trained on her computer's screen.

Clarke slumped against the desk's drawers, resting her arms on her bent knees. She fiddled with the nerf gun in her hands as she stared up at her girlfriend.

Finally, after what felt like hours to Clarke, Lexa stopped typing and looked down at her.

"What are you doing?" Lexa asked, smirking down at Clarke.

"Hello Clarke, how are you today? Oh, I'm fine, Lexa. Just fighting for my life. But no, don't worry. Just keep typing away as if I'm not about to be brutally betrayed. It's fine. How are you?" Clarke mimed out the fake conversation, overly exaggerating Lexa's voice.

Lexa raised an eyebrow, but just continued to look down at her girlfriend.

Clarke rolled her eyes and dropped her hands to the floor, the nerf gun hitting the hard tiles with a smack. "If you must know, I'm in the middle of a war, Lexa. And I _thought_ that my wonderful girlfriend would have been more than eager to help me survive. But I guess I was mistaken."

Again, Lexa just continued to stare down at Clarke, a humored quirk to her lips.

Clarke sighed and tilted her head back against the drawers, staring up at the ceiling of the library. "I was doing it for my people, Lexa."

"Doing what, exactly?" Lexa asked, resting her forearms on her knees so that she was closer to eye level with Clarke. (And much closer to her face, but Clarke definitely wasn't distracted by that at all.)

"I had to make some hard choices, Lexa. Some decisions that I'm not proud of. I tried to do what was best. I tried to be the good guy," Clarke rambled on, pulling the nerf gun against her chest tightly.

"Clarke."

"I carry the weight so they don't have to. But they've turned against me. They've--"

She was interrupted by the library doors swinging open loudly, followed by thunderous footsteps. Lexa sat up quickly and looked to the entrance, seeing a rather large group of people gathered in the doorway. A rather large group, led by a certain Raven Reyes.

"Clarke..." Lexa mumbled, not taking her eyes off of the assembled group. They all held their own nerf guns and were looking around the library as if searching for something.

"Shh," Clarke shushed, eyes wide in fear. "Don't act suspicious. I don't think they know for sure that I'm here." Clarke's voice was barely above a whisper as she rose to the balls of her feet, ready to launch into action at any given moment. She remained hunched over, balanced in as small of a ball as she could manage with her nerf gun at the ready.

"Uh-huh..." Lexa murmured as she watched the group walk over to her. She cleared her throat and sat up straight in her seat. "What can I do for you?" she asked as professional as ever.

Raven looked her over as the group gathered behind her positioned themselves so they were ready to fire in all directions if they saw any movement. Raven hitched her nerf gun over her shoulder. "Give her up, Lexa."

"Excuse me?" Lexa asked. She felt Clarke move so that she was actually hidden under her desk, blocked in by Lexa's legs. She knew better than to look down, which would give her girlfriend away in an instant.

Clarke pressed the palm of her hand against Lexa's knee, silently encouraging her on. If this had been any other situation, Clarke would have definitely taken their position to her advantage. As it was, though...

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Woods. Tell us where Clarke is and no harm will come to you. Or your people." Clarke looked past Lexa's legs, confused as to whom Raven was referring. Then she saw Lincoln exiting one of the stacks, a pile of books in his arms. She felt Lexa turn in her seat to look over her shoulder.

"Lincoln, maybe you should--" Lexa started but was quickly cut off.

Clarke watched as Bellamy snuck up behind Lincoln, nerf gun pointed at his back.

"Ah-ah," Raven chided. "No one's going anywhere until you give up Clarke. Now, where is she?" Raven tapped her nerf gun on the counter of Lexa's desk.

Clarke entwined her fingers with Lexa's when Lexa push her hands into her lap. She gave her fingers a soft squeeze in reassurance, while she quickly ran through her options.

Lexa was being held at nerf-point. There was no way Lincoln would be able to get away from Bellamy, especially with Octavia being in the near vicinity as well. That girl would vault tables if she needed to in order to get to a target.

Her only option really was to give herself up.

"I don't know where she is, Raven," Lexa said levelly. Her voice betrayed nothing, and Clarke was beyond impressed. She looked up between Lexa's knees to see her staring Raven down, face stoic and commanding. "Now, if you and your friends are done causing havoc in my library--"

"Me and my friends?" Raven interrupted again. Clarke felt Lexa's fingers twitch as if she was ready to move into action herself. Slowly, an idea began to come to Clarke. She reached down and grabbed her nerf gun that she had rested at her feet and moved it so that the grip of the gun was pressed against Lexa's fingers on her free hand.

Lexa gripped the gun without hesitation and without giving anything away to the group of people standing on the other side of her desk. Clarke watched in fascination as Lexa's jaw clenched, her frustration clear.

"Yes, you and your friends." Lexa's voice was deadly calm, and Clarke felt as her legs braced for movement. Lexa moved her feet so that she could stand up quickly without losing balance or momentum. She pushed her chair out slightly, leaning forward to distribute her weight.

Raven tapped at the other side of the desk with her foot. "Well, me and my friends only want one thing, Lexa. So give over Clarke, and we'll be on our way. You don't have to get involved in this."

Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes shifted from person to person in front of her. Her look was calculating, and Clarke was suddenly very glad that she had Lexa on her side.

Lexa pulled her hand out of Clarke's, running her fingers over the magazine in the nerf gun, counting the darts silently.

Lexa tapped Clarke's hand that still rested on her knee, moving her hand slightly to indicate that she should move back.

"Then I guess you and your friends better get comfortable," Lexa said as she came to the last few darts in her gun. Clarke had counted along with her, noting that there were exactly nine darts left.

Without letting Raven think over her words, Lexa twisted in her chair and shot Bellamy in the chest.

She then turned back around and stood to her feet. She shot off round after round at each of Raven's small army, finally stopping and letting the nerf gun fall to her side after the final dart had launched.

Clarke peaked out from under the desk, looking up to find Lexa looking down at her with a soft smile. The brunette reached her hand down to help Clarke to her feet.

"It's okay. You're safe," Lexa said quietly. Clarke looked around her to find a Velcro dart stuck to each of her friend's shirts, directly in the center of each of their chests.

They were all looking at each other in stunned silence, their nerf guns hanging limply at their sides.

"Uhm," Lincoln said from where he still stood frozen at the entrance to one of the stacks. "Do I even want to kn--"

"You can finish what you were doing, Lincoln. Thank you," Lexa said, not letting him finish the question. Lincoln moved to do just that without another word.

Clarke met Lexa's gaze, noting the subtle triumphant upturn to her lips.

"What just happened?" Raven asked, abruptly breaking the silence that had fallen around them. Clarke whipped her head around to see Raven's shocked expression as she took in her fallen army.

Lexa handed Clarke back her nerf gun. "You may want to go collect your darts. I don't think that your people will be a problem any longer."

Clarke nodded, but didn't move away from Lexa to do as suggested. Instead, she wrapped her arm around Lexa's waist and pulled the brunette into her side as she looked over her "fallen" people.

"Did you really have to go for kill shots?" Clarke asked as she watched her friends pull the nerf darts off of their shirts. They all gathered closer together, mumbling amongst themselves as they shot nervous glances at Lexa.

Lexa just shrugged, wrapping her arm around Clarke's shoulders. "The threat needed to be taken out. There was no room for mercy."

Clarke chuckled and shook her head, watching as Raven silently stared down at the dart that was still hanging from her shirt.

Finally Raven looked up to stare at Lexa. "How did- That was- We just..." she trailed off, looking from Clarke to Lexa and back again. After a moment of shocked silence, a huge grin took over her face. "That was amazing!" she shouted.

Lexa kept her face emotionless, though she did tighten her arm around Clarke and tilt her chin up slightly. Clarke could feel the pride radiating off of her.

"How did you do that?" Raven questioned excitedly, gesticulating around her to indicate all of her fallen comrades.

"Practice," Lexa answered simply.

"Practice," Raven mimicked, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically. "That's all you're going to give me? You know what, doesn't matter. I call Lexa for my team next time."

"Oooh no," Clarke denied, pulling Lexa even tighter into her side, as if that were at all possible. "She stays right were she is."

"Alliances can change, Clarke," Raven argued, pointing between the couple in front of her. "And I'm thinking that Lexa may just flip on you."

"You attack her, and you attack me," Lexa said, eyes appearing hard, though Clarke could see the mirth in them.

Raven crossed her arms, resting her weight on her good leg. "Well that's just not fair."

"You pulled a coop on me," Clarke challenged. "All's fair, now."

Raven thought that over for a moment, studying Clarke and Lexa silently. "Fine," she said, turning away and motioning for her team to follow her out. "But just remember that I have Octavia, and now that we know what Lexa is capable of, we won't be caught off guard again. You've just started a war that you aren't prepared for, Griffin."

Clarke and Lexa watched as the group filed out behind Raven. When they had all exited, Clarke turned and wrapped Lexa in her arms, hugging her tightly.

"That was amazing," Clarke mumbled into Lexa's neck where she had buried her face. She breathed in deeply, taking in Lexa's scent.

Lexa chuckled as she wrapped her arms around Clarke. She rocked them back and forth slowly.

"How _did_ you do that?" Clarke questioned after a few moments of silence, tilting her head back so she could look up at Lexa.

"Let's just say that my sister and I had our fair share of arguments growing up. We got creative with our dispute resolution plans." Lexa smiled down at Clarke. She twisted a blonde curl around her finger. "Although, I have to say that I'm better with swords."

"Swords?" Clarke asked.

"Yep. So maybe a couple of nerf katanas next time. You can stick with the guns if you'd like."

"You want to be involved next time?" Clarke looked her girlfriend over skeptically, wondering if she really was interested in joining in her friend's game (though perhaps 'war' would be a better description).

"Your battles are my battles, Clarke. I will never leave you," Lexa said, dropping her hand from Clarke's hair to rest it instead on her hip. She pulled Clarke closer so that their lips were only inches apart.

Clarke closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to Lexa's softly. "You're so overdramatic."

"Says the one who came bursting in declaring that your life was on the line."

Clarke shrugged, pressing their lips together again quickly. "And my big, strong warrior stopped the villains from achieving their goals."

"Villains, indeed," Lexa said around a laugh. She sat down, pulling Clarke down as well to sit in her lap. "Do you care to explain what that was actually about?"

"Long story short," Clarke began, nestling into Lexa's embrace, "we've had this ongoing nerf war since high school. People join, people leave, but all of them?" She pointed to where all of her friends were previously standing. "They've all stuck around. I honestly don't even remember how it started. But alliances shift and it's basically just a giant game of war and allegiance. Today I was overthrown from my leadership position, and was thus sentenced to death. They didn't think I was making logical decisions anymore."

"And just who was on your team previously?" Lexa asked with genuine curiosity. Clarke couldn't help but find the look of rapt attention absolutely adorable.

Clarke ran her hand through Lexa's hair. "Bellamy, Jasper and Octavia. I should have known that Octavia would eventually join Raven again. But I trusted Bellamy. Jasper was always a wildcard. When I woke up this morning with a note warning of my eminent demise taped to my bedroom door, I immediately knew I had been betrayed."

"So you ran here?"

"Of course. It was the first place I thought of."

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke tighter, making it almost impossible for Clarke to move away. Clarke hummed into the embrace, relaxing into Lexa even more. "And you thought dragging me into your little war was a good idea?"

Clarke nodded. "Well, I remembered Anya calling you commander, and I assumed that you had earned that name somehow. I just hoped that it was something to do with plotting and battle."

"You're not wrong," Lexa admitted. "But I don't know how I feel about being forced into a battle that I was not previously involved in."

"What happened to 'you attack her, and you attack me'?" Clarke pouted, sticking her lower lip out slightly. Lexa leaned forward and nipped at Clarke's lip, causing Clarke to laugh and stop pouting. "Stop that. I'm trying to pout here."

"Uh-huh," Lexa hummed, nuzzling into Clarke's neck. "Clarke, I vow to treat your needs as my own. However, I cannot promise to treat your people as my people. Those friends of yours are going down," Lexa stated matter-of-factly, pulling back to look Clarke in the eye.

The seriousness in Lexa's gaze brought another laugh bubbling out of Clarke.

"Whatever you say, Commander," Clarke said through a laugh. Lexa tensed up under her, her arms tightening around Clarke's waist. "Lexa?" Clarke asked, concern lacing her voice.

Lexa's face had been overcome with a slight blush, and the brunette avoided meeting Clarke's eyes. "I'm good," she mumbled quietly.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Good. Great, even. Nothing to worry about," Lexa babbled, still looking anywhere but at Clarke. Her body remained rigid underneath Clarke.

Clarke quirked an eyebrow, suddenly having an inkling of what was happening. "You really sure about that, Commander?"

Lexa stiffened even more, fingers digging into Clarke's hip.

"Yep," Lexa croaked out. She shot a look at Clarke before quickly looking away again.

Clarke leaned in, running her nose up Lexa's neck before laying a lingering kiss just under her jaw. "Commander?" she husked into Lexa's ear, her arms tightening around Lexa's shoulders.

"Y-yes, Clarke?" Lexa stuttered out with a shiver, clearly very flustered.

Clarke hummed, her lips pressing to the skin of Lexa's neck. "Please protect me, Commander," Clarke mumbled into Lexa's neck. She began to trail kisses down Lexa's jaw until her lips hovered over Lexa's. "Will you protect me?" Clarke whispered, her lips skating over Lexa's.

Lexa nodded slightly, her eyes having already drifted closed at Clarke's touches.

"Hey Lexa, I've finished putti--Whoa!" Lincoln had just walked back out of the stacks, but threw his hand over his eyes after he saw Clarke and Lexa's position.

Lexa quickly snapped her head in Lincoln's direction, glaring at the interruption. Clarke chuckled and buried her head in Lexa's shoulder again, trying to muffle her laughter in the other girl's shirt. "Lincoln," Lexa warned coldly.

"Got it. Sorry. I'm out of here," Lincoln stumbled back the way he came, his eyes still covered. "See you tomorrow," he threw out as he made his way to the back of the library where he would presumably pack up before skirting the library walls to exit through the main entrance.

When he was out of sight, Clarke threw her head back and laughed loudly. Lexa pouted up at her, clearly disappointed that they were interrupted.

"Clarke..." Lexa whined. She let her arms drop from around Clarke's waist in defeat, dropping her head to rest her forehead against Clarke's shoulder.

Clarke ran her fingers through Lexa's hair placatingly. "Aw, babe. I'm sorry."

Lexa mumbled something unintelligible that Clarke couldn't hear.

"What was that?" Clarke asked, raising her shoulder a bit to try to nudge Lexa into looking up. Lexa just mumbled again in response. "Lexa...?" Clarke warned, though the laughter could still be heard in her voice. She was answered with another mumble as Lexa wrapped her arms back around Clarke's waist, letting one hand rest on Clarke's thigh. "Commander...?" Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear.

Lexa jolted into an upright position, pointing at Clarke. "Stop that," she said with a glare.

"Stop what?" Clarke asked, the picture of innocence.

"What you're doing. Stop it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Lexa's eyes narrowed as she looked Clarke over. "You know exactly what you're doing."

Clarke tried to keep up her innocent act for a moment longer before she finally dropped it to smirk at Lexa instead. "I sure do..." she let her voice drop into a husk again, leaning forward to let her lips skim Lexa's, "Commander."

Lexa shivered as goosebumps rose on her skin. She pressed a brief kiss to Clarke's lips and pulled away slightly, making sure to keep close enough to brush her lips against Clarke's as she spoke. "You need to stop that, Clarke."

"Or what, Commander?" Clarke challenged confidently.

Suddenly she was no longer sitting on Lexa's lap, but was instead in the brunette's arms. Lexa carried her bridal-style in the direction of the break room.

"You're about to find out," Lexa growled out.

Clarke was _so_ ready to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the nerf war. It'll be the war to end all wars. And we're far from finished with it. 
> 
> Next chapter won't be up until next week. Sorry that this one was a bit shorter, but it's all I was able to edit and get up in the time that I had. Next chapter will probably be a bit longer.
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/requests are loved. And you can come find me on tumblr @musiclurv!
> 
> Have a good weekend and a happy New Year!


	19. I Can Count on You Like Four, Three, Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pancakes and omlettes are had, and someone's afraid of spiders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's your first chapter of the week. I was traveling yesterday, so I wasn't able to put it up then. But, it's up now. Enjoy!

Lexa invited Clarke over to her apartment for dinner after their _totally innocent_ tryst in the break room at the library.

In all honesty, it was rather innocent and didn't move past what they had already done with each other. Lexa had a feeling that Clarke wanted to take their relationship slowly, and she was more than willing to comply to her girlfriend's wishes. If she was being honest, she wanted to take this slow as well. Clarke was too important to lose because one or both of them weren't ready to move on to the next level of their relationship.

So, after their relatively innocent fun in the break room, Lexa and Clarke headed back to Lexa's apartment. Anya had informed Lexa that'd she'd be staying with a "friend" for the evening, and Lexa didn't question who exactly that friend was (though she knew that Anya would be up her ass about it if Lexa had said the same thing to her before Clarke happened).

This was the first time that Clarke would be at her apartment, and Lexa hoped that Anya hadn't left anything obscene out in plain sight like she was wont to do at times. Lexa knew that the state of her apartment probably wouldn't change Clarke's opinion of her, but she'd rather make a decent first impression as to her living habits. Lexa wasn't a slob by any means, but Anya really did have a habit of leaving her belongings lying wherever they may fall as she meandered through the apartment.

With that in mind, Lexa asked Clarke to remain in the hall for just a moment so she could actually check to make sure there wasn't anything too bad waiting for them on the other side of her front door. Clarke just smiled and nodded, amusement at the request clear in her eyes.

Lexa slipped through her front door after she unlocked it, being sure to use her body to block any view that Clarke may have of inside.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she wasn't met by a pile of dirty laundry in the living room. That was a good sign for the most part. Though, it could mean that Anya had just thrown her clothes somewhere else in the apartment that was not her own bedroom, where they actually belonged.

Lexa made a quick loop around the apartment, kicking a pair of shoes under the couch and throwing a pair of underwear from the bathroom floor into her sister's room. She checked her own room to make sure that it was still as clean as she left it, and nodded in satisfaction to find that it was.

Without further ado, Lexa made her way back to the front door, pulling it open with a flourish to admit Clarke into her apartment.

Clarke walked in with a chuckle, taking in her surroundings silently. She moved to the living room and sat down on the couch, patting the cushion beside her for Lexa to come join her.

Lexa moved to sit next to Clarke without hesitation, though she still watched the blonde for any sort of reaction.

"So, what's for dinner?" Clarke asked as she leaned back in the couch, getting comfortable. She grabbed Lexa's hand to pull her arm around her shoulders. Lexa relaxed next to Clarke, letting herself be adjusted to Clarke's comfort and discretion.

Lexa hummed in thought, becoming more and more relaxed as she realized that Clarke was rather comfortable in Lexa's apartment. It was a relief that Clarke found her apartment homey enough to be so comfortable so quickly.

"I was thinking that we could cook something. Or we could order in, if you'd like," Lexa suggested.

"What were you thinking of cooking?" Clarke asked, looking over to meet Lexa's eyes.

Lexa found herself lost for a second in the crystal blue of Clarke's eyes, but quickly shook herself out of it. She had lost count of how many times she got distracted by Clarke's eyes at this point, but she knew she would spend the rest of her life staring into them if she could.

"Well, we can keep it simple with a frozen pizza. Or we can get a little fancy and maybe make some lasagna. I'm pretty sure I have all the ingredients to pull one together. Or we could even just scrounge around and figure out something with what I have in the kitchen. Anya and I try to keep it pretty well stocked. Are you in the mood for anything specific?"

"Breakfast," Clarke answered with a decisive nod of her head.

"Excuse me?" Lexa asked, a surprised laugh bubbling up in her chest. Of all the things that she thought Clarke would suggest, that was not on the list.

"Do you have breakfast foods? Pancakes sound fantastic. Maybe some bacon and eggs. I make some awesome omelettes, not to brag or anything." Clarke began playing with Lexa's fingers absentmindedly. "Raven _does_ brag about them all the time. And my pancakes. I can cook if you'd like."

"No, no. We can cook together though, if you want. Anya's told me many times that my pancakes are to die for. So how about you get started on some omelettes, and I'll pull together some pancakes."

Clarke nodded and pushed to her feet, turning back around to grab Lexa's hands and pull her up quickly as well. "Sounds great!" She began to pull Lexa toward the kitchen eagerly, very clearly excited about getting breakfast for dinner.

"Is this something you do often?" Lexa asked as she was dragged into the kitchen. Clarke let go of her hands to pull the fridge open.

"Is what something I do often?" Clarke asked, her head in the fridge as she began pulling out supplies for her famous omelettes.

Lexa leaned against a counter, enjoying the view of Clarke bent over as she dug in the fridge. "Breakfast for dinner."

Clarke stood up and let the fridge door fall closed, her arms leaden with eggs, cheeses, veggies and some meats. "Do you even remember being a college student?" She moved over to the counter to plop her haul down.

Lexa chuckled and leant her elbow on the counter, watching as Clarke began opening and closing cabinet doors. "What are you looking for?"

"Griddle."

"Lower left."

"Thank you. Now, answer the question. College. Student life. You do remember that, right?'

Lexa thought back to her college years, trying to remember ever having breakfast for dinner. "Of course I remember that. But I was living with Anya, and she made sure to have full meals as often as possible. We usually kept breakfast at breakfast, though after a few bad hangovers it was more around lunchtime."

Clarke was watching Lexa as she explained, waiting for the griddle to heat up on the stove. She cocked her head to the side as if she was thinking over a complicated puzzle.

"You didn't live on your own during college?" Clarke finally asked.

Lexa shrugged and pushed off the counter, deciding to go ahead and pull what she needed to make pancakes. "We already lived near the college I was going to attend. I didn't see a point in moving out. I didn't have time for a full time job, and Anya couldn't support me and her if I moved to a different apartment than her."

Clarke began moving around the stove, cutting vegetables and scrambling eggs as Lexa explained. "You two weren't living with your parents?"

"Uhm, no. Not since I was fourteen." Lexa began fiddling with a whisk she had grabbed from one of the drawers. This was getting into some heavy stuff, and she wasn't sure if Clarke really wanted to dig into all that when they were supposed to be having a relaxing, uneventful night together.

"Why's that? If you don't mind my asking," Clarke turned to face Lexa again, giving over her full attention.

Lexa turned her back to Clarke, instead focusing on mixing together the pancake mix she had put together in a large bowl. "They died," she explained bluntly.

The silence that followed echoed loudly in Lexa's head. She _knew_ talking about her situation while growing up was going to be too heavy of a conversation. She knew she'd make Clarke uncomfortable by talking about it. And yet...

A warm body pressed into her back as arms wrapped around her middle. Clarke rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder, watching her mix the pancake batter.

"Do you need to...?" Clarke began, trailing off when she felt Lexa lean into her.

"No," Lexa said, letting her hands fall to rest against Clarke's on her stomach. "Anya and I... We had it rough for a while, but we made it. We supported each other. Pushed through. We're okay."

Clarke nodded against Lexa's shoulder before she pressed a kiss into Lexa's cheek. "Okay. But we can talk if you ever want to."

"Thank you," Lexa said softly. Clarke squeezed her a bit tighter around the middle, molding their bodies together.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Lexa patted Clarke's arm and leaned forward, away from Clarke's warm embrace. "Now get cooking. I want to try these amazing omelettes that you keep bragging about."

Clarke huffed, but went back to the griddle with a smile on her face. "I have not been bragging. I've just been telling you how it is. They're fantastic, and I have many people to back me up on that." She poured the first batch of eggs into the griddle, watching as they began to cook.

"Well, I'll join those many people if they are, in fact, as good as you say they are."

"Oh, they are."

"Prove it," Lexa challenged, watching over her shoulder as Clarke masterfully folded her first omelette.

"Just make your pancakes," Clarke snarked back, laughing.

Lexa hummed as she pulled out a pan to start heating on the stove. "Chocolate chips?" she asked, looking over at the batter she had mixed together. It looked far too boring for a breakfast dinner.

Clarke scoffed. "Is that even a question?"

* * *

 

"So?" Clarke asked, watching Lexa chew on her bite of omelette slowly. "Up to your standards?"

They had moved into the dining area of Lexa's apartment, settled on opposite sides of the table.

Lexa looked at the ceiling as she continued to chew her bite of food thoughtfully. She swallowed and brought another piece to her mouth, to apparently contemplate her like or dislike of it even more. Clarke smiled and rolled her eyes at Lexa's overdramatic flair.

Finally, Lexa set her fork and knife back on the table, dabbing at her mouth with her napkin. She looked at Clarke after resting her napkin back on her lap. "It's decent."

"Decent?" Clarke asked incredulously. She leaned back in her chair, watching Lexa as if the brunette had lost her mind and was liable to do something absolutely ridiculous at any moment. Like maybe throw the omelette that Clarke had slaved over at her.

"Decent," Lexa reaffirmed. She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest with a smug grin on her lips.

Clarke leaned forward, resting her elbow on the table and pointing at Lexa with her fork. "You're a liar, Lexa Woods." She brought a bite of her own omelette to her mouth, chewing on it while still glaring at her girlfriend across the table.

They stared at each other, Clarke with what she thought was a fierce glare and Lexa with a smug expression.

Finally, Lexa burst out laughing, leaning forward to rest her forearms on the table. "Oh my god, your face!" she said between bursts of laughter. "Please, stop!"

Clarke continued to glare at her girlfriend, now firmly dedicated to her cause. No one insulted her omelettes like that and got away with it. Even her super hot girlfriend who happened to be dissolving into an adorable mess right in front of Clarke as she shook with laughter.

"Stop!" Lexa begged again after catching Clarke's eye again. She calmed down her laughter, reaching across the table to run her fingertips over the back of Clarke's hand. "They're wonderful, Clarke. Really. You did a fabulous job."

"Uh-huh," Clarke grumbled, glare softening slightly.

"Really. I can see why your omelettes are famous."

Clarke studied her girlfriend for a moment, her glare dropping as Lexa looked at her with what could only be described as begging eyes. Really, the situation was not serious enough to call for _that_.

Clarke could feel herself cracking under the brunette's stare. And the fact that Lexa was still running her fingertips over the back of Clarke's hand wasn't helping keep her resolve strong. Finally, Clarke rolled her eyes and let her gaze drop to her own plate.

"You're pancakes are pretty good, too," she mumbled.

When Lexa didn't answer, Clarke looked back up in confusion. Really, that should have at least earned a 'thank you'.

Lexa wasn't looking at Clarke anymore, though. She actually seemed to have frozen in her seat, back ramrod straight, eyes staring past Clarke, back into the kitchen.

"Lex?" Clarke asked, more than a little confused. "Is something the matter?" She began to turn around, but Lexa gripped her hand tighter, pulling it across the table and causing Clarke to lean halfway across the table herself.

"Don't turn around," Lexa whispered, voice tinged with fear. "Just... Don't move."

Lexa's gaze remained past Clarke, her eyes wide.

"Lexa, what's wrong?" Clarke asked. She stared at Lexa, her brow scrunched in confusion. She had never seen Lexa act this way before, and it was truly disconcerting.

"We need to very slowly, _very slowly_ , get up from the table and move into the living room. Okay?" Lexa asked, her tone urgent. "Don't make any sudden movements."

"Lex, you're starting to scare me. What's going on?"

Lexa's eyes flickered to Clarke's before moving back to whatever she had been staring at previously.

"Shit!" Lexa yelled, pushing her chair back abruptly and standing up on it. She stared down at the floor, eyes darting back and forth as if searching for something.

Clarke stood up as well, her chair falling back loudly. "Lexa! What's happening?" She knew she sounded panicked, but Lexa wasn't really keeping her cool either.

"Get over here, Clarke. Get on this chair right now," Lexa demanded, staring at Clarke pleadingly.

Clarke let Lexa pull her up onto the chair, the brunette's arms wrapping around Clarke's middle in a desperate grasp. Clarke studied Lexa's frightened face as Lexa's eyes continued to dart around the floor.

Finally tired of being confused and worried at the same time, Clarke pulled her arms free of Lexa's grip and cupped Lexa's face, forcing the brunette to meet her eyes. This was easier said than done, as Lexa seemed determined to keep her eyes on the floor.

"Lexa, look at me." Lexa finally looked up at the stern tone of Clarke's voice. "What. Is. Going. On."

Lexa's eyes were wide with fear as she searched Clarke's. "Spider," she finally squeaked out, her voice cracking on the two syllable word.

Clarke's shoulders slumped as she looked at her girlfriend in disbelief. They were seriously balancing on a not-too-sturdy chair, Lexa clinging to her for dear life, because of a... spider?

"A spider?" Clarke asked, just to make sure she had heard correctly.

Lexa's eyes darted back down to the floor near the kitchen, her body going rigid against Clarke once again. "Yes, and there it is!" She pointed behind Clarke, though she kept Clarke pinned against her with her other arm across Clarke's back.

Clarke looked behind her to where Lexa was pointing.

"Lexa, I don't--"

"It's there!" Lexa's voice sounded frantic. The brunette was pointing at a small, tiny black dot on the floor of the kitchen.

"Lex," Clarke said calmly, gently unwrapping her girlfriend's arm from around her. "Lex, babe. Look at me." When Lexa met her eyes again, Clarke grasped her hands. "I'm going to go get it, okay?"

"You're going to get rid of it?" Lexa asked in probably the cutest voice that Clarke had ever heard. Really, it should be illegal to be as adorable as Lexa was being at the moment.

Clarke nodded, not letting her eyes stray from Lexa's. "Yes, I'm going to get rid of it. I'm going to get off the chair now," Clarke explained as she stepped down backwards off the chair. Lexa had resumed staring at the spider in the kitchen.

Clarke turned away from her terrified girlfriend, walking toward the kitchen slowly.

"Slow, Clarke!" Lexa commanded from her perch on the chair. "Don't get close to it! They're evil, Clarke. They'll bite you and suck out your soul!"

Clarke turned back around to look at her girlfriend with an amused smile on her face, trying to keep down the laugh that was fighting its way out. "Then how do you suggest I get rid of it?" She looked up at Lexa as the brunette tried to come up with a solution that would get rid of the spider, and keep Clarke away from it.

Finally, Lexa looked at Clarke triumphantly. "We'll set the apartment on fire."

"Excuse me?" Clarke asked. Surely she had heard wrong.

"Set it on fire." Lexa mimicked with her hands what Clarke could only assume was supposed to be flames. "Burn it."

Clarke rubbed her forehead, sighing in frustration. Really, she could hardly call it frustration. If anything, this side of Lexa was incredibly endearing.

"Lexa, we are not setting your apartment on fire," she finally said, looking up to Lexa with eyebrows raised. "Just let me get rid of it."

"You can't get near it, Clarke!" Lexa almost jumped off the chair when Clarke turned back around to walk into the kitchen. At the sound of the chair wobbling dangerously, Clarke looked back over her shoulder. Lexa was squatting in the chair now, her arms wrapped around the back of it and her eyes even wider with fear. "Don't..." she whimpered out.

Clarke's heart melted at the sight. Really, someone being terrified of spiders should not be this adorable. But Lexa's fear and concern for Clarke's safety was just... Well it was just heart warming.

Clarke quickly walked back to Lexa, kissing her forehead and rubbing her cheek with her thumb. "It'll be okay, Lex. I promise."

Lexa looked up at her hopefully, still gripping at the chair for dear life. "Be careful," she finally whispered out.

Clarke took this as permission to go into the kitchen and get rid of the spider for her frightened girlfriend.

And get rid of the spider she did. Grabbing a loose sheet of paper and a plastic cup, Clarke managed to get the spider out the sliding balcony doors and onto a plant that Lexa had out there.

When she came back in, Lexa was slumped in her seat, staring dejectedly at her plate and playing with her fork.

"You alright, babe?" Clarke asked, coming over and putting her hands on Lexa's shoulders. She began to massage the tense muscles there.

"Yeah..." Lexa mumbled, pouting at her plate still.

Clarke leaned down and wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"You didn't kill it," Lexa explained grumpily.

Clarke chuckled against Lexa's cheek, placing a kiss against the corner of the pouting woman's mouth. "No, I didn't kill it. It didn't do anything to deserve to be killed."

"It existed," Lexa scoffed, clearly annoyed that the bane of her existence still lived on.

"And now it exists outside, nowhere near you," Clarke said, moving back to right her chair and sit back down to continue eating her now cold meal.

Lexa continued to glare at her plate. "Yes, it exists outside now. To build it's arachnid army and return for revenge." Lexa stabbed at a bit of omelette, fork clacking against the plate.

Clarke tried to hold in her laughter. Really, she did. She suppressed it as best as she could. But in the face of her pouting, grouchy, spider fearing girlfriend's description of a spider army, Clarke was done for.

The laughter bubbled out of her, and she doubled over in her seat.

And really, the glare that would earn from Lexa would eventually go away. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who would have guessed that the Commander was deathly afraid of spiders? It's actually one of my favorite headcannons about Lexa. Terrified of spiders. Her one true weakness.
> 
> ANYWAY, next chapter will be up later in the week, probably Thursday or Friday. We'll see. Oh, and Happy New Year everyone!! Let's hope this year isn't has completely ridiculous as last.
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/requests are always loved and welcomed. And you can always find me on tumblr @musiclurv at any time. Till next time!


	20. Raise Your Hopeful Voice You Have a Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke needs to learn to check the weather, Lexa loves books, and feelings are expressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of the week! We get to explore some feelings today, and see more cute Clexa. Enjoy!

"Okay, but in my defense, I had no idea that it was supposed to snow today." Clarke leaned against Lexa's desk grumpily, looking over her shoulder to stare out the library doors.

Lexa spun her chair back and forth as she looked up at her girlfriend. Really, the blonde was being far too adorable for her own good. "Is this also a habit of yours? Not checking the weather before you head out?" Lexa asked with an amused smirk on her lips.

The storm did come on rather suddenly, and if Lexa was honest, she didn't really expect it either. The news had said that there was only a thirty percent chance of rain, so this spring snow storm was actually really unexpected for both of them.

Clarke pouted and crossed her arms. "Of course it's not a _habit_ of mine. I just forgot to check the weather. It was so pretty out this morning. A bit cold, but still nice."

Lexa looked at the time on her computer, noting that they had been at the library for a few hours now and it was pushing on lunch time. She rose from her chair and stood in front of Clarke, waiting for the blonde to look up at her.

"Well," she started when Clarke finally met her eyes, "Why don't we go out to the café and grab some food and maybe something warm to drink? Looks like we'll be here for a while, and I'd rather not go out in this to get lunch."

Clarke nodded with a sigh and pushed herself away from the desk. She began walking sullenly and without a word, which just wouldn't do for Lexa.

Quickly, Lexa grabbed Clarke's wrist and pulled her back around. She stepped into Clarke's space, keeping as little room between them as possible. "Hey now. What's with all the pouting?"

Clarke stared at Lexa's shoulder, pointedly avoiding looking up into her green eyes. She mumbled something that Lexa couldn't quite understand, even with them standing so close they were almost touching.

"What was that?" Lexa asked gently. She tilted her head to try to meet Clarke's eyes, noting the blush that was slowly rising on Clarke's cheeks.

"I was going to take you out for lunch. And then maybe do some other stuff. If you wanted to, anyway." Clarke's voice was still barely above a mumble, but Lexa heard her this time. "And now those plans are ruined," she humphed, pulling her arm out of Lexa's grip and crossing her arms again.

Lexa pulled Clarke against her chest, rubbing her back in gentle circles. "Who says those plans have to be ruined?" she asked against Clarke's hair.

"Mother Nature, apparently," Clarke grumbled with a glare shot behind her shoulder at the falling snow.

Lexa chuckled and pushed Clarke away from her a bit, keeping her hands on her girlfriend's upper arms. "Hey, we can still have lunch together. And spend the rest of the afternoon together. The day's not ruined. Yeah?"

Clarke tentatively met Lexa's eyes and smiled slightly when she saw Lexa looking at her with an undeterred excitement about the day ahead of them.

"So, lunch first?" Lexa asked. Clarke nodded and laced her fingers with Lexa's, letting Lexa lead the way out to the café.

* * *

 

Okay, this wasn't so bad. Clarke had seriously thought that their day had been ruined when it started to snow halfway through the morning. Really, who would expect snow at the beginning of May?

But Lexa had turned that dismal thought into a pleasant afternoon together. After they had both received their lunch from the café, Lexa led Clarke back into the library and behind her desk. She quickly put her food down and ran back to the break room, gathering up the blanket that was still back there and bringing it up front. She spread it out on the floor, setting up a sort of indoor picnic for the two of them to enjoy together.

And, with no one in their right minds wanting to venture out in this blizzard, Clarke and Lexa were left to their own devices for the afternoon, without any interruptions.

"So why be a librarian?" Clarke asked while picking at her food. The conversation had been flowing freely between them, and they hardly ever found themselves not knowing what else to say. But even in those moments, both Clarke and Lexa were content to sit silently together.

"Excuse me?" Lexa asked around a shocked laugh. Of all the things she would expect Clarke to ask, she hadn't really thought of that.

Clarke gestured around them. "All this. Why choose to be a librarian when you have a degree in English lit and composition? There were probably loads of other options for you."

Lexa thought for a moment, the silence stretching out between them. Clarke finished eating her lunch quietly while she waited for Lexa to gather her thoughts.

"To be honest, I kind of just fell into the job," Lexa finally answered with a shrug. "I was working here while I was in school, just to help pay some of the bills. And when I graduated, they offered me a full time position."

"But what about your writing? Don't you want to pursue that?"

Lexa leaned back on her hands. "I actually get to write a lot while I'm here. And being surrounded by books written by authors that have gone down in history as some of the best... Well, it's actually very motivating." She looked around at all the stacks of books surrounding them. "It kind of makes me think that maybe someday my books will be kept in here as well, waiting to be picked up by new hands."

Clarke watched as Lexa continued to gaze around, a far off look in her eyes. She wondered if her girlfriend was really visualizing the possibility of her books being there, and actually started to visualize it herself.

"They definitely will be," Clarke stated definitively after a long stretch of silence.

"Hm?" Lexa asked lazily, rolling her head to meet Clarke's eyes.

"Your books," Clarke clarified. "They'll definitely be here some day. And there will be lists of dozens of people just waiting to get their hands on a copy."

Lexa smiled softly at Clarke, almost disbelievingly. "You really think so?" she asked. Clarke could tell that Lexa didn't really believe that it could happen. That she just thought it was a hopeful idea.

"I know so. You'll be right up there with the greats some day," Clarke said vehemently.

Lexa leaned forward and rested her forearms on her bent knees, an amused quirk to her lips. "You've never even read anything I've written."

Clarke shrugged as if that was of minor importance. "Doesn't matter. I know how well you can weave a story. I've listened to you enough to know that you can enrapture anyone as you lay out a plot. So it's obvious that your writing would be just as good, if not better."

Lexa rested her chin on her arms, staring at Clarke across from her as if she was the most complex thing in the world. Clarke just stared back challengingly with a quirk to her eyebrow, not breaking eye contact.

Finally, Lexa looked down to the blanket under them, pulling her green eyes away from Clarke's intense stare. Clarke watched as Lexa fiddled with a pull in the blanket, looking more unsure of herself than Clarke had ever seen her.

"What if..." Lexa began with a deep sigh. "What if I'm not good enough? What if I end up stuck here forever, never getting a single thing published?" She continued to look down at the blanket dispiritedly.

After a moment of contemplation, Clarke leaned forward on her knees, using two fingers to tilt Lexa's chin up so that she could meet her eyes. She studied the brunette for a second before leaning in and pressing her lips against her girlfriends gently. She pulled back slowly, but kept her fingers under Lexa's chin.

"Lexa. Even if you never got published, which I can't see happening because you're bound to be published some day, but even then, you're still going to do amazing things. Even if you were here the rest of your life, you'd still change people's lives."

Lexa scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"No, really. Lex, listen to me. Do you remember that family that came in here last week? The mom and her two kids?" Lexa nodded and Clarke continued on. "Do you remember how flustered that mom looked? She looked barely older than you and I, and she had two young kids to look after. I was honestly worried she was going to drop to the floor at any second with how exhausted she looked." The woman had brought in a young boy and girl, the boy running circles around them and the girl hiding behind the woman's legs. The woman really did look like she was exhausted beyond belief.

"What are you getting at, Clarke?" Lexa asked, not unkindly. Clarke could see the exhaustion in her girlfriend's eyes, too. It was a different type of exhaustion. One that overtook when someone felt stuck or like they weren't good enough. (Clarke was definitely familiar with that.)

Clarke smiled softly at her, moving her hand to cup Lexa's cheek. "Do you remember what you did?"

"Helped them find some books," Lexa said dryly.

Clarke shook her head and chuckled softly. "Yes, you helped them find some books. But you did more than that. You read to that little girl. You helped the boy find exactly the right book for him. You let the woman sit down for a second. You sent them off with a promise of more stories to come. Lex, you gave them something that they may have never had before. You showed them the magic of books and stories. How many people can say they've been able to do that?"

"A lot, probably."

Clarke rolled her eyes before leaning her forehead against Lexa's, dragging her hand to cup the back of Lexa's neck. "Not likely. Lexa, you care so much and so deeply. You're going to change the world whether you get published or not. You've already changed that family's world. Just imagine what else you could do. You're amazing."

Lexa let out a shaky breath against Clarke's lips, her eyes closed as she thought over Clarke's words. Clarke watched her silently, waiting patiently for her to take everything in. Finally, Lexa bumped her nose against Clarke's, brushing their lips together lightly.

"Thank you," Lexa breathed out against Clarke's lips, her voice trembling slightly. "That was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Clarke pressed her lips more firmly against Lexa's, her smile making it more of a bumping of lips than an actual kiss. "It was the absolute truth. You're amazing, Lexa. You could do anything."

Lexa pulled away, looking at Clarke adoringly. "Look who's talking," she said with a fond smile.

Clarke felt her smile widen, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Me? There are so many doctors out there. I'm one of millions."

"Maybe," Lexa said with a shrug. "But you'll be different. One in a million, rather than one of millions."

Clarke knew she was going to be just another doctor. Sure, she went into the medical program thinking she'd change the world, one life saving surgery at a time. And yes, she still thought she could make a difference. That was really just like any other doctor out there, though. But Lexa believing in her that much, that really did make all the difference.

"Thank you. I'll try my best." Clarke leaned forward and pressed a swift kiss to Lexa's lips.

They fell into lighter conversation after that, talking about all the work Clarke still had to get done for her classes, what gallery displays were being put up at the school, author signings and lectures at the library, and any other topic they could think of.

It wasn't until hours later that Lexa looked over her desk to see that the café outside of the library was deserted. Which meant that Clarke and Lexa were officially the last ones in the building.

Clarke stood up to go look outside, hoping that the snow had finally stopped falling. Her face fell when she looked out the window. Instead of the snow calming as the day went on, it looked to have started coming down harder, leaving several inches on the ground outside. And with no plows having come through the area yet, there was no way she or Lexa would be able to drive out of the library parking lot and make it home safely.

She felt Lexa walk up behind her, warm arms wrapping around her waist as they both watched the still falling snow outside.

"Looks like we may be camping out for a bit," Lexa murmured in Clarke's ear. Clarke deflated in Lexa's arms at her girlfriend's confirmation of the fear she had yet to voice. While spending the evening with Lexa definitely did not sound like a bad way to pass her time, spending that same evening barricaded in a library against her will was a totally different story.

But, be that as it may, they might as well make the best of it.

Clarke leaned back into Lexa's grasp, sighing contentedly when Lexa squeezed her a bit tighter. She rested her hands against Lexa's on her stomach.

"Well," Lexa started, pulling away from Clarke and facing the shelves in the library, "what would you like to do, Clarke? We can fight dragons, challenge pirates, be a hired assassin, travel the world, see _other_ worlds, speak to the gods..." She threw her arms out to her sides and Clarke watched as a certain childlike glee came over Lexa's features. "Anything you can dream of," Lexa finished with an excited smile.

Clarke watched as Lexa spun around to face her again, the excitement evident. She found herself completely enraptured by this side of Lexa, this childlike excitement that she had yet to see in her girlfriend. It was refreshing and exciting to Clarke, and she found herself falling more and more for the woman in front of her. The woman that found so much enjoyment in things as simple and wonderful as books. The woman that got lost in the wonder of words on a page...

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, her arms falling back to her sides slowly. She looked at Clarke curiously, confused by her lack of answer. "Is everything alright?"

Clarke shook her head to clear it of her thoughts. She could think on those much deeper feelings later. For now, she would get lost in the books that Lexa loved so much.

"Pick your favorite," Clarke finally said, walking over to grasp Lexa's hand in her own. Lexa watched her as she moved, looking down at their entwined fingers for a moment before meeting Clarke's eyes again.

"Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow with a small smirk.

"Pick your favorite. Your favorite book in this whole library. You do have one, don't you?"

Lexa shook her head. "That's like asking someone to choose their favorite child. There are way too many to pick from, and each has its own special traits to love." She looked out over the shelves of books, thinking deeply.

"Well, pick something that you read when you were younger. Something that meant a lot to you."

"Why?" Lexa looked back to Clarke, her brow furrowed in confusion over Clarke's request.

Clarke shrugged. "I want to learn."

"To learn?"

"About you. You had a book pop into your head when I mentioned one that meant a lot to you, didn't you?" Clarke raised her eyebrows, looking up at Lexa with a small smirk. Lexa nodded hesitantly. "I figured. So go find it and meet me back at the beanbag chairs in the children's section."

"So bossy," Lexa teased, bringing Clarke's hand up to her mouth to kiss the knuckles of her fingers. She smiled against the skin of Clarke's hand.

Clarke pulled her hand away and turned Lexa around to push her in the direction of the stacks. "Go find it. Stop stalling. I'll be waiting." With one final shove in the direction of the books, Clarke turned away from Lexa and made her way to the children's section.

She plopped down on one of the beanbag chairs, waiting for Lexa to join her. In the silence that surrounded her, Clarke let her thoughts return to her earlier mental wanderings.

_She was falling for Lexa._

There was really no doubt in her mind that she was quickly falling for the writer. Her wit, wisdom, heart... All of it just made Clarke fall more and more for her every second. Whether or not she was in Lexa's presence, Clarke would find herself marveling over the entire being of Lexa Woods. It was actually pretty ridiculous and had gotten her into some trouble when her thoughts would travel away from her lectures. Sure, there were some things that Lexa did that would annoy her. No one was perfect. She was stubborn, for one. So incredibly stubborn. And so extra about some things. But even those traits Clarke found endearing at times.

It was just so Lexa that Clarke couldn't help it. She couldn't help it that everything Lexa did, both the frustrating things and the adorable things, led her to fall more and more for the woman.

Raven and Octavia definitely had no qualms about picking on Clarke when they realized how bad she had it for Lexa. So if Clarke was realizing now that she was falling in love with Lexa, then they would realize it soon as well. And once that happened, Lexa was sure to find out shortly thereafter. Raven had a huge mouth, and while Clarke loved her to death and would trust her with her life, she couldn't count on her to keep secrets. So Clarke had to decide whether or not to tell Lexa herself, or just let it kind of happen. She didn't want to scare Lexa off by jumping too deep too quickly. So maybe she'd better just let it happen as it may.

It was as she came to that conclusion that Lexa rounded the shelf next to Clarke and walked into the children's section of the library. She smiled down when she saw Clarke curled up on a beanbag chair, waiting for her.

"Comfy?" Lexa asked with a smirk. She had a book gripped tightly in her hand and she fiddled with the edges of it with her other hand.

The nervous tick didn't escape Clarke.

"Not nearly as comfy as I could be. Get over here." Clarke reached out her hands, grasping at empty air and signaling Lexa to move closer. When Lexa got within reaching distance, Clarke grabbed her hips and pulled her to stand between Clarke's bent knees. She rested her chin on Lexa's hip and looked up at her. "Find a good one?" She nodded toward the book that Lexa was still fiddling with.

Lexa nodded, chewing on her lip in apprehension. Finally, she turned the book in her hands so that Clarke could see the cover.

" _Harry Potter_?" Lexa nodded again. "Alright then. Why are you still standing?" Clarke tugged on Lexa's hips, trying to pull her down.

This time, Lexa shook her head. She grabbed Clarke's hand and pulled her to her feet, plopping down where Clarke had been and then pulling Clarke down between her legs. Clarke leaned back into Lexa's chest.

"We good now?" Clarke asked over her shoulder, throwing Lexa an amused grin.

Lexa smiled shakily and wrapped her arms around Clarke so she could fiddle with the book in front of Clarke. Clarke sighed and grabbed Lexa's hands in her own, stilling them against the book. She rested her own hands and Lexa's in her lap, placing the closed book on her thighs.

"What's wrong?" Clarke asked, cuddling deeper into Lexa to offer whatever comfort she could.

Lexa sighed and looked down at the book that was pinned to Clarke's lap with their hands. "Nothing is wrong, exactly. It's just... You remember how I told you about my parent's deaths? And how rough it was for a while there for me and Anya?" Clarke hummed in assurance. "Well, this book," she flipped the book over so that it was face up in Clarke's lap, "was my escape. It was completely different from my reality, and yet I could relate to it. This boy was different from everyone around him, he had so few people in his life, he had lost so many already at such a young age. But he survived. He pressed on and faced whatever challenges came his way. The magic of it all enthralled me. It helped me escape my reality for a world much grander."

They sat in silence as Clarke thought over Lexa's words. She hadn't really expected something so deep when she asked Lexa to go pick out a book to read. But, Lexa being Lexa, she should have known that she was going to get something soul achingly deep. Her heart broke a little as she listened to Lexa's recollection of her painful past.

"Thank you," Clarke finally said, tilting her head to press a kiss to the underside of Lexa's jaw. "Will you read it to me?"

Lexa just hummed in response, sinking further into the beanbag. She opened the book in Clarke's lap, looking over Clarke's shoulder to see the pages.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley," Lexa began in a soft voice, "of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."

She continued reading softly, her breath ghosting over Clarke's skin. Clarke cuddled further into Lexa, resting the side of her head against Lexa's collarbone, turning into her neck. She breathed in Lexa's scent, relaxing into her warm embrace.

Less than a chapter in, Lexa reached up and began running the fingers of her free hand through Clarke's hair. Her voice washed over Clarke, drawing her further and further into the story of the boy who lived.

* * *

 

Halfway through the book, Lexa's phone began to ring in her pocket. She shifted to pull it out, trying not to jostle Clarke too much. The blonde had cuddle into her and was content laying across her lap and chest, eyes closed. Lexa wasn't completely sure whether she was awake or not anymore.

Anya's photo flashed across her screen when she finally got her phone out.

"Hello?" Lexa whispered, her free hand still tangled loosely in Clarke's hair, playing with the blonde strands. Clarke nuzzled closer, her nose brushing against Lexa's neck.

" _Lexa? Where are you? You should have been home hours ago_." Anya sounded frantic, her questions coming quick and sharp.

Lexa cringed. She definitely should have sent her sister a text telling her that she and Clarke were stuck in the library. "Sorry, Anya. We're trapped at the library."

" _Trapped?_ " Anya asked. She sounded slightly less panicked now that she knew Lexa was okay.

"Mhm. The snow came down a lot harder than we were expecting. So now we're just waiting for the plows to get out here and clear the lot so we can get out," Lexa explained. Clarke grumbled into Lexa's chest. Apparently she had actually fallen asleep on her. Lexa looked down at the blonde cuddled up to her, a wave of pride washing over her as she thought of how hard her girlfriend worked. She definitely deserved to take a nap.

"Lex?" Clarke mumbled, sleepily wiping at her eyes.

"Ssh," Lexa hushed quietly. "It's alright. Go back to sleep." She ran her fingers through Clarke's hair, massaging at her scalp and coaxing her back into her dreams.

It didn't take long for Clarke to drop off again.

" _Keeping good company then, eh?_ " Anya asked from the other end of the call. Lexa just chuckled softly in response. " _Just keep me updated on when you'll be getting home, okay? Coming home from work to an empty apartment when we were supposed to be eating together tonight was a bit worrisome_."

"Aaw, you really care," Lexa teased.

Anya scoffed. " _Don't push it, Commander_."

"Anya-" Lexa began threateningly.

" _And on that note, I'm going to let you go back to your lady love. Make good choices!_ " And with that, the line went dead.

Lexa rolled her eyes and placed her phone on the floor next to their beanbag chair. She looked down at the girl in her arms, content in the silent moment. Clarke snored lightly, clearly in a deeper sleep than she was previously. The smile that spread across Lexa's lips was involuntary and caught her off guard. She couldn't help being a softer, gentler person around Clarke. The blonde just made her melt from the inside out, but she'd gladly melt away completely if it meant that Clarke would stay in her life.

The thought should disturb her. It really should. They had only known each other for a few months now, dating for even less. But alas, she found herself falling irrevocably for the girl in her arms.

And she wouldn't change it for anything.

* * *

 

It was almost midnight by the time the plows made it through the library parking lot. And even then, Lexa had to go out and shovel one of their cars out so they could finally leave.

"Lexa, you're not going to stick around here to dig out your car tonight. Just come back to my apartment with me," Clarke pled. She was tired, beyond tired really. And she really didn't feel like arguing with Lexa while standing outside in the cold, the snow still falling lightly. "Please?"

Lexa looked over to her car, still covered in snow with piles of the white powder still surrounding it. Of course the plow couldn't have gotten any closer for fear of actually hitting the car, but it would have been nice if they had at least gotten closer to the back so she could edge out that way. She sighed when she realized that Clarke was making a valid point.

"Fine, but let me drive. You're asleep on your feet."

Clarke nodded eagerly, handing over her keys to her girlfriend. She didn't really feel like driving anyway, and she didn't actually trust herself to drive safely this late on a snowy night. So Lexa driving was perfectly fair to her.

"Alright, get in," Lexa said, unlocking the car doors. They had used Clarke's remote start on her car earlier to defrost all the windows, and the inside was rather toasty by the time they climbed in. Lexa had insisted that Clarke stayed inside the library until she was finished brushing the car off and shoveling it out. But Clarke being Clarke insisted equally that she help.

Needless to say, shoveling turned into a minor snowball fight quickly before they both decided they were too cold to continue and hurried to finish off the last few piles of snow.

They climbed in the car, thankful for the warmth. Clarke rubbed her gloveless hands together, blowing into them to try to get the blood circulating again. "Why is it so cold in May?"

"We live in DC, babe. The weather here is ridiculous," Lexa said, turning to face Clarke and reaching over to rub her hands for her. "Your hands are like ice."

"That happens when one doesn't know it's supposed to snow and doesn't bring gloves along with them." Clarke smiled and leaned her head against the headrest, facing Lexa.

Lexa rolled her eyes. "And that's exactly why I told you to stay inside. You could have at least taken my gloves."

"And have you freeze your fingers off? Not a chance."

"You're ridiculous."

"You're stubborn."

" _You're_ stubborn."

" _You're_ lucky I love you."

Clarke froze. She had not meant to say that. She really, really hadn't. But her sleep addled brain had shut off its filter, and the words just slipped out. Her eyes widened as Lexa's hands stilled against hers.

Lexa looked up and met Clarke's gaze. She bit her lip and gripped Clarke's hands tighter.

"You love me?" Lexa asked, her voice small and quiet. She looked down at their linked hands, tracing her fingers over Clarke's palm. She finally looked back up to see Clarke staring at her with the softest eyes imaginable.

Clarke's mind was actually running at a mile a minute, trying to figure out the best way to go about this situation that she had gotten herself into. On the one hand, she could brush it off as something that just slipped out; something that she says to all her friends and family. A love that wasn't _in love_. But really, who would she be kidding?

With Lexa looking up at her like that, her eyes betraying the nervousness that was coursing through her, Clarke felt herself melt. She smiled gently, her panic ebbing away. Even if Lexa didn't reciprocate yet, she knew she loved Lexa. She loved Lexa, and she'd shout it to the world.

"Yeah. Yeah, I love you, Lexa." Clarke's voice was steady and true as she said this. It was probably the most honest statement that she had ever made in her life. She felt it in her very being that she loved Lexa. She was scared, yes, but she knew without a doubt that she was falling in love with Lexa. And very soon, she'd lose her heart to the girl (if she said it wasn't already Lexa's, she'd be lying).

Lexa brought Clarke's hands up to her lips and pressed a kiss into each of her palms. A warmth surged through Clarke at the touch.

"I love you, too," Lexa whispered against Clarke's skin.

Clarke leaned forward slowly, pressing a slow, passionate kiss to Lexa's lips. She pulled one hand out of Lexa's grasp to tangle it in the hair at the nape of Lexa's neck. She scratched gently at Lexa's scalp, feeling the brunette melt into her.

Lexa was the first to pull away, resting her forehead against Clarke's. Her breathing was ragged, and her lower lip trembled as she tried to calm down.

"Lex?" Clarke asked gently. She brushed a kiss to Lexa's cheek where a lone tear had fallen. "What's wrong?"

Lexa took in a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes closed tightly. "I'm terrified," she answered shakily. "I am absolutely terrified, Clarke." She opened her eyes and met Clarke's soft gaze.

Clarke smiled reassuringly at Lexa, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. "It's okay. I am, too."

"You are?" Lexa asked.

"Mhm," Clarke affirmed. "I'm terrified because you already hold so much more of me than I thought I'd ever be able to give anyone."

"You could break me so easily if you wanted to, Clarke." Lexa grabbed at Clarke's forearm, gripping tightly. She squeezed her eyes shut again, trying to fight off tears. "I haven't... I didn't expect you. I never thought I'd so willingly give myself away to someone. But here you are. Clarke, I..." Lexa drifted off, letting the sentence hang in the air.

Clarke pressed another kiss to Lexa's lips. "I know. I didn't expect you, either. But here _we_ are. We can keep each other safe."

"I promise to keep every part of you safe for as long as you'll have me," Lexa vowed.

"And I, you," Clarke promised back.

Their lips met again, softly, gently, sealing their promise to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooohhhhh the first "I love you"s. 
> 
> I hope that lived up to expectations. We're going to be doing some major relationship growing in the coming chapters, so that'll be fun. Next week should be a normal week on updates, as far as I know right now. So keep an eye out for those.
> 
> Your comments/kudos/requests give me life. Also, those that have already followed me on tumblr are fantastic and the rest of you are more than welcome to join their ranks (find me @musiclurv). You can also just randomly tag me in things on there if you ever feel like doing so (fic related or not).
> 
> Thanks again and have a great weekend!!


	21. And You Fill My Head With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven's a nerd, Octavia's a bit smitten with her, Clarke's a distraction, and Lexa's a gay puddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! A bit of a shorter chapter to start this week, but at least it's up. Enjoy!

They pulled up to the front of Clarke's apartment complex at quarter till one. Clarke could see the lights of the television flickering in her apartment's window.

"Looks like Raven's still up," Clarke said, head tilted up toward the window as they walked up to the apartment building.

"Looks like it. Should I go back-"

"Don't even finish that question." Clarke turned and shot a glare at Lexa. The smirk across her lips belied any actual frustration.

Lexa stopped and pulled Clarke to a stop as well. "No, really. I can drive back to my apartment and bring your car back in the morning."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "It makes absolutely no sense for you to drive home just to come back in a few hours. Just stay the night here. Raven won't mind."

"Are you sure?" Lexa chewed her bottom lip, worried that she'd be imposing on Clarke's roommate.

"With the number of times Octavia's stayed over, I think they owe me one. I'd bet Octavia's up there right now, actually. Now let's go." Clarke tugged on Lexa's hand, dragging her the rest of the way into the apartment building.

Lexa dragged her feet, still slightly worried that she'd be overstepping by staying the night. Neither she nor Clarke had stayed at one of their apartments together over night. They've napped together, of course. And spent long days together. But spending the night was a totally different story.

"I can take the couch," Lexa said as Clarke led the way up the stairs to her apartment.

"Don't be ridiculous. You can share my bed. I don't bite." Clarke unlocked the door and pushed it open, holding a finger up to her lips to indicate that they needed to be quiet. She tiptoed toward the living room and peaked her head around the wall.

Octavia and Raven were knocked out on the couch, cuddled up to each other. A movie's main menu was displayed on the television screen, the theme music echoing through the room quietly.

" _Told you_ ," Clarke mouthed over her shoulder with a smug grin. Lexa looked around Clarke to see the couple asleep on the couch.

Clarke began walking to her room, waving her hand to beckon Lexa to follow her.

"Don't think you can just sneak past, princess," Raven said before they made it halfway to Clarke's room. Raven's eyes were still closed, though her hand now rubbed up and down Octavia's upper arm soothingly.

"Told you she'd make it home," Octavia hummed, her own eyes closed as well. Clearly the two weren't as asleep as Lexa and Clarke first believed.

Clarke walked over to the couch, standing over her friends as they continued to lay there comfortably. "You do know you have a bedroom in this apartment, right?" Clarke asked, hands on her hips.

"Mhm. But if we were there, we wouldn't have busted you sneaking in at this ungodly hour," Raven countered, opening one eye to look up at Clarke. "Why are you so late, anyway?"

"We got stuck in the library."

"Ever heard of a cellphone?"

"Those work two ways."

"Ooh, sassy tonight," Octavia chimed in. She stretched against Raven before sitting up, eyes still droopy with sleep. She looked around them, taking in the late hour. "Oh, hey Lexa," she greeted as her eyes fell on Lexa standing in the hall silently.

"Lexa's here?" Raven asked, sitting up quickly to look where her girlfriend was looking.

Lexa waved awkwardly from the hall. "Hey guys."

Raven whipped her head around to eye Clarke. "Bringing the girlfriend over for the night, eh?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Not like that, Rae. It's late, her car is still snowed in at the library, and I didn't want her trying to drive home alone this late with it still snowing out."

"So you brought her home to warm your bed," Raven suggested. "How generous of you."

Clarke stared down at Raven blankly. "Are you quite finished?" she asked after they stared at each other silently for a few moments.

With that, Octavia stood up, reaching down to grab Raven's hand and pulled her up as well. "Yes, she is. We're going to bed. You two try not to be too loud."

"Look who's talking," Clarke barked back.

Octavia and Raven walked past Lexa in the hall, Raven waggling her eyebrows at Lexa and throwing her a wink. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she singsonged.

"Leaves a lot of options open," Lexa responded without hesitation.

Raven froze in the hall, her back straightening in surprise. Octavia pulled to a stop next to her.

Lexa leaned her shoulder against the wall, hands in her pockets, and grinned mischievously. "Do you disagree, Reyes?" she asked. Clarke walked up next to Lexa, her arms crossed over her chest, a smug and proud smirk on her face. Lexa standing up to someone was hot as hell, even if it was just teasingly.

Raven turned back around, pointing at Lexa. After a moment of a stare down between the two, Raven dropped her hand back to her side. "No, I guess I don't. Fair enough, Woods."

Lexa shrugged, straightening from her leaning position against the wall. Raven, still giving Lexa a somewhat proud look, nodded once and turned to walk to her room, Octavia trailing behind her.

The door closed with a soft click behind them, leaving Lexa and Clarke alone in the hall.

Clarke turned to Lexa quickly, slinging her arms over the slightly taller woman's shoulders. She nuzzled her nose into the underside of Lexa's jaw. "That was hot, babe."

Lexa linked her arms around Clarke's lower back, pulling them tightly together. "Oh yeah?"

"Mhm," Clarke hummed. She placed a kiss against Lexa's neck. "And if I weren't so tired, I would totally be down for showing you just how hot it was. But for now... bed?" Clarke rested the side of her head on Lexa's shoulder, her forehead pressed against Lexa's neck.

Lexa chuckled softly, hugging Clarke tighter. "Yeah, Clarke. Bed."

With another soft kiss to Lexa's neck, Clarke untangled herself from Lexa's arms, leading her girlfriend back to her room.

* * *

 

While Clarke didn't lie about not biting, she definitely didn't mention the blanket hogging tendencies she has. Or the fact that Lexa would more than likely end up with a Clarke sized burrito on top of her and a mop of blonde hair in her face when she woke up.

But, honestly, Lexa could get used to it.

She mindlessly traced her fingers up and down Clarke's blanket covered back while she stared up at the ceiling. She clearly wasn't going to be moving any time soon, and Clarke hadn't set an alarm before they fell asleep. So she really had no idea how long she'd be stuck like this.

Again, she wasn't complaining.

The library was likely closed because of the snow, and classes were probably cancelled. The state had basically shut down all snow removal programs already, so the sudden snowstorm yesterday had thrown everything into a bit of chaos. They were lucky to have gotten dug out when they did the previous night.

Lexa pressed a kiss to the top of Clarke's head as she thought over the previous night.

They had fallen asleep curled up next to each other, Lexa in a pair of borrowed pajama pants and a loose t-shirt and Clarke in a ridiculously large shirt of her own and a pair of underwear. Lexa would have loved to sleep in the same state of undress, but she couldn't trust herself not to go mad at the feeling of Clarke's bare legs against her own equally bare legs. So she had opted for a pair of Clarke's college sweatpants.

And with Clarke having stolen all of the blankets, she was sort of glad that she had decided to sleep fully clothed. She probably would have woken up freezing had she not. Though Clarke was definitely doing a decent job of acting as a human blanket on top of her.

Lexa chuckled at the thought.

She heard the bedroom door squeak open and tilted her head up to find Octavia poking her head in. The younger woman had a quirked eyebrow as she took in Lexa and Clarke's position.

" _Breakfast_?" she mouthed silently, her eyes darting back and forth between Lexa's eyes and Clarke's position on top of her.

Lexa looked at her disbelievingly, motioning to the sleeping blonde on her, as if to say ' _you're kidding, right?_ '

Octavia laughed silently and shook her head. " _Later_ ," she mouthed before backing out of the room and pulling the door closed with a soft click.

Lexa let her head fall back onto the pillow, her arms tightening around Clarke. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept as well as she had while sleeping with Clarke. The amount of comfort that she felt while with the blonde was a bit startling, though after their confessions the previous night, she shouldn't have been surprised.

Clarke woke slowly, her eyes fluttering as she snuggled into Lexa's chest. Her arms gripped at Lexa's shoulders as the leg she had thrown over the brunette flexed to pull her closer. Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke's hair, helping her slowly return to the land of the living.

"Good morning," she mumbled into Clarke's hair after pressing a kiss there.

Clarke hummed something that sounded like "morning", though Lexa couldn't be completely sure as Clarke was burying her face into Lexa's shirt.

Lexa pressed another kiss onto the crown of Clarke's head. Her girlfriend was simply too adorable this early in the morning. "Would you like something to eat?" she asked softly.

"No," Clarke grumbled, hiding herself even further. She pulled at the blanket around her, wrapping it even more snugly.

"You're not hungry?" Lexa asked, an amused smile on her lips. She watched as Clarke settled against her again, finally having decided she was comfortable enough to relax again.

"Cold," Clarke answered. This was apparently going to be a one-word-answer kind of morning.

"We can eat something warm. Come on, time to get up," Lexa coaxed. She began to wiggle under Clarke, shifting to try to get up.

"Stay," Clarke whined, her grip on Lexa tightening even further.

Lexa fell still on the bed again. She could try to argue with Clarke; try to persuade her to get up and get their day started. But why do that when they could just stay here all morning and enjoy a lazy day together?

"Okay," Lexa said, wrapping her arms back around Clarke. "We'll stay." She pressed a kiss to Clarke's temple before settling back against the bed, her love nestled contentedly in her arms.

* * *

 

Unfortunately, the universe appeared to be against them having a lazy snow day together.

Lexa was just beginning to doze back off under Clarke's weight when her phone began ringing incessantly on the bedside table just out of her reach. She wiggled under Clarke, trying to shift closer to the edge of the bed to reach her phone, but was unable to stretch far enough.

"Wha...?" Clarke mumbled, sleepily rubbing at her eyes as she leaned up to look down at Lexa. Lexa's arm was stretch out, her torso angled away from Clarke. She looked up at the blonde and was momentarily distracted by the adorableness above her. "Lex?" Clarke asked again, her voice gravelly with sleep.

Lexa leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to Clarke's lips. "Lay back down, love. I just need to grab my phone." She leaned over the last few inches and snatched her phone off the bedside table. It had stopped ringing moments before she grabbed it, but started back up the second it was in her hand.

Clarke took Lexa's advice and nestled back down against her, her arm wrapping around Lexa's torso and pulling them together again. Lexa was sure her girlfriend was still awake though, the blonde's fingers tracing soft designs against the exposed skin between the hem of Lexa's shirt and the top of her pants. She shivered involuntarily at the touch, looking down at Clarke against her.

"You going to answer that?" Clarke rasped against the skin of Lexa's neck.

Lexa quickly answered her phone, not checking who was calling, and pulled it to her ear.

"Hello?" she asked, still distracted by her girlfriend's touch. Clarke placed a kiss to Lexa's neck, smirking against the skin there after Lexa shivered again.

" _Lexa_?" the voice on the other line of the phone called, sounding irritated. She's pretty sure they had been talking to her previously, but she completely zoned them out.

"Oh, sorry. Hello?" Lexa tripped out, fumbling with the phone that she had let drift away from her ear in her distraction.

She heard a sigh on the other end of the call. " _I guess it's safe to assume you're with Clarke, then?_ "

"Hi, Anya," Clarke said loudly enough for the phone to pick up. Lexa didn't have her phone loud, but in the silence of Clarke's room, Anya may as well have been yelling from the other end.

" _Hey, blondie_ ," Anya replied. " _Thanks for keeping me updated on your ETA, Commander_."

Lexa cringed. She totally forgot to text Anya the night before to let her know she was staying at Clarke's. Finding her little sister gone when she woke up probably worried Anya more than she'd let on.

"Sorry, Anya," Lexa said, her tone truly apologetic.

Again, Anya sighed. " _I'm sure you are. Are you both stuck at the library still?_ "

"Uh, no. We actually made it to Clarke's. We had to leave one of the cars behind to go pick up today," Lexa explained. Clarke returned to running her fingers over Lexa's stomach, smug smirk pressed against the skin of Lexa's neck. Clearly she was enjoying distracting Lexa from her conversation.

" _It'll have to wait until tomorrow. The roads have iced over. You aren't going anywhere in this mess_." Anya sounded more than annoyed at their current predicament. " _I'm stuck in the apartment, and my boss has been calling non-stop. He apparently didn't get the memo that none of the roads are passable at the moment. Stupid county not salting the roads before the snow_."

Lexa tilted her head back and to the side against the pillow as Clarke began to nibble on her pulse point. "Uh-huh," Lexa hummed, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth.

" _So you'll both stay inside and off these roads, right?_ " Anya prompted.

"Yes," Lexa gasped out. Clarke started sucking on that same spot, intent on leaving a mark on Lexa's skin.

" _And you'll let me know when you're headed out tomorrow?_ " Anya asked, though her tone seemed suspicious.

Lexa tangled her free hand in Clarke's hair, holding her against her neck. "Mhm," she breathed out.

" _Will you clean the apartment when you get back?_ "

"Mm, yeah." Lexa was beyond caring about whatever Anya was asking her. She was far too distracted by Clarke's persistent attention to her neck to listen to her sister over the phone anymore.

Anya clucked her tongue. " _You'll buy us food for an entire week, too. And clean my car out and take it to the car wash_."

Clarke chuckled against Lexa's skin.

"Okay. Yeah. Definitely. Gotta go," Lexa rasped out, quickly pulling the phone away from her ear and hanging up before letting it fall somewhere beside her on the bed, to be found later.

Clarke continued her nibbling at Lexa's neck, making her way up to bite at her earlobe. "You do know what you just agreed to, right?" Her breath tickled Lexa's sensitive skin.

"To an entire day boarded up with you?" Lexa guessed, wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist and pulling the blond further on top of her. Clarke straddled Lexa's hips, leaning up and resting her weight on her hands. Her hair fell to make a curtain around them.

Lexa's hands gripped at Clarke's waist, fingers playing with the large shirt absentmindedly. Clarke's bare legs bracketing her were very distracting.

"Anything else?" Clarke asked, her voice teasing. She quirked an eyebrow when Lexa reached up to tuck some of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Uh, to enjoy it?" Lexa suggested, cupping the back of Clarke's neck and trying to drag her down. She just really wanted to feel Clarke's body against hers right now.

Clarke shook her head. "I should be proud of myself for distracting you that much from a conversation with your sister."

"Is that who I was talking to?" Lexa asked, giving up on trying to pull Clarke down to her and instead sitting up to run her lips up Clarke's neck.

Clarke chuckled. "Yes, that's who you were talking to. And I think you may have just agreed to more than you actually wanted to."

"Mm. Agree to anything you want," Lexa mumbled. She was tired of talking. Talking could happen later. Clarke started this and Lexa was going to be damn sure to finish it.

Again, Clarke laughed. She turned her head to press a kiss to Lexa's temple. "I think it was more anything _Anya_ wanted."

Lexa scrunched her nose, pulling away from Clarke's neck to instead meet her eyes that were shining with amusement. "Why are we talking about my sister right now?"

Clarke cupped Lexa's cheek. "Because, _love_. You just agreed to clean your apartment, buy food for a week, and clean out and wash your sister's car."

Lexa stared at Clarke in shock, her mouth dropping open. "You're kidding."

"Sorry, babe. You were just a little... distracted." Clarke placed a kiss to Lexa's cheek, obviously trying to hold in her laughter. Lexa silently seethed for a moment (though she did eagerly accept the kiss), before pulling away.

"You," she accused, pointing threateningly at Clarke. "This is your fault."

Clarke reached up and grabbed Lexa's hand, pulling it down from pointing at her and instead intertwining their fingers against her bare thigh. "That's quite the accusation."

"You distracted me," Lexa stated, glaring at Clarke.

"You're easily distractible," Clarke said with a shrug. She brought Lexa's hand up to her lips and placed a kiss on the back of it.

"No," Lexa said, pulling her hand away and bringing it down to grip at Clarke's side again. Her other hand remained on Clarke's other side, gripping tightly. "You did that on purpose."

Clarke raised her eyebrows with an amused smirk. "And why would I do that?"

"You--" Lexa began before stopping herself. She thought about it for a moment and came up with no logical reason why Clarke would betray her for her sister. "I have no idea. My sister must have bribed you."

"In all of the time that we spend together, huh?" Clarke asked sarcastically. Clarke and Anya had spent a total of maybe two hours together over the time that they had known each other, and Lexa knew that.

Clarke leaned forward and started kissing up and down Lexa's neck again, gripping her shoulders.

"Stop that. I'm trying to figure this out," Lexa whined, though she made no effort to move away. Instead, she tilted her head to allow Clarke more access to her neck.

Clarke giggled against Lexa's neck. "You sure you want me to stop, Lex?" she asked, her lips brushing against Lexa's skin as she spoke.

Lexa shivered again at the feeling of Clarke's breath ghosting across her skin. "No... Yes! I meant yes," Lexa covered for herself. She still hadn't made any move to distance herself from Clarke. Instead, her fingers dug tighter into Clarke's sides. This girl would be the death of her, and what a wonderful death it would be.

"Mm," Clarke hummed. "I think you like being distracted."

"No. And you're going to help me do all that for Anya," Lexa choked out as Clarke began working again on the mark she had left before.

"Am I?" Clarke asked as she let go of Lexa's skin with a wet pop.

Lexa groaned at the loss of contact. "Yes."

"What do I get out of this?" Clarke asked, her lips once again against Lexa's neck.

"You get... You...." Lexa's voice trailed off, her thoughts escaping her as Clarke moved up to nibble at her ear.

Clarke breathed out a laugh. "I get me?" she asked teasingly.

"No, you get..." Lexa paused, trying to think through Clarke's touches. Finally, frustrated beyond belief (both sexually and with her own attention span), Lexa came to a conclusion. "Fuck it," she growled, flipping them over so Clarke was on her back underneath Lexa.

Clarke's surprised laugh echoed through the room, followed quickly by satisfied moans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gay puddle Lexa has made an appearance. 
> 
> Next update we get into a bit of drama, but nothing too drastic. Remember, this is a fluff piece, but we need some drama to keep the plot actually moving. It should be up by Thursday or Friday, but I have a ton of school work to get finished this week, so it may be postponed until the actual weekend. I'll try my best for you guys, though.
> 
> I love your kudos/comments/requests so much that they actually give me life. And I also love so much when you come find me on tumblr @musiclurv and talk to me. It adds three years to my life every time one of you do so, AND it makes me want to write soooo much for you all.
> 
> Thanks for reading and see you next time!


	22. Howling Ghosts they Reappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teasing friends, waffles, letters, and challenges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter for y'all today. But it's setting up for a bit more plot, so get ready!

"Look who decided to grace us with the pleasure of their presence, Octavia," Raven announced as Lexa and Clarke made their way into the living room, their hands linked.

Octavia looked up from the book she was reading while she lounged next to Raven on the couch. "And here I thought we were just going to be graced with the presence of their pleasure all day." Raven cackled beside her.

Clarke looked over to Lexa to find her face turning a lovely shade of red and decided that she'd try to salvage some of their dignity in front of her friends.

"You're just jealous that you didn't get to spend the morning the same way," Clarke responded, pulling Lexa further into the room to join her friends on the couch.

"Who says we didn't?" Raven asked with a suggestive wink.

Clarke breathed in deeply through her nose. "Well, from the smell of the apartment, you spent most of the morning making waffles. Belgian?" She pulled Lexa's arm over her shoulder and leaned her back into Lexa's side.

"Just because we got up and were actually productive with our lives doesn't mean that we didn't have any fun first," Raven argued. Octavia snorted beside her.

Clarke raised a speculative eyebrow. "So, Belgian waffles? I wouldn't be opposed to blueberry."

"That sounds great, actually," Lexa chimed in, looking over into the kitchen. "Octavia did ask if we wanted anything earlier."

"And you turned her down? You do realize that Raven actually makes the best waffles, right?" Clarke looked over her shoulder at her girlfriend.

Lexa looked back at Clarke. "I did not realize that, no. And I turned her down because I just so happened to have a sleeping girlfriend on me."

"And from the sounds of it, you enjoyed what you did have for breakfast much more than you would have enjoyed Raven's waffles," Octavia added, eyes glued once again on her book.

Raven looked over to the clock. "And maybe lunch, too." The couple high-fived quickly without looking at each other.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Well, I think I'm up for some actual sustenance. Did you leave us any?"

Raven nodded and pointed to the kitchen. "They're in the microwave, probably cold by now. Hey Lexa, how did you survive Clarke's morning breath, anyway? I figured that'd be enough to turn anyone off." She met Lexa's eyes with a smirk.

Lexa shrugged, letting go of Clarke so she could stand up. "Wasn't _that_ bad. I'll just be sure to keep mints by the bed from now on."

Clarke stood in front of Lexa, bending over to rest her palms on her girlfriend's knees so that her face was mere inches away. "I didn't hear you complaining this morning," she said with a smirk, placing a quick kiss on Lexa's lips.

Lexa smiled back. "I was a bit distracted."

"Hm. Seemed to be a common theme this morning," Clarke teased before pressing another quick kiss to Lexa's lips and standing up. "Would you like some waffles?" Clarke waited for Lexa's nod before turning and walking into the kitchen.

She found the waffles in the microwave where Raven had put them in the hopes that they'd stay warm. But, seeing as it was a good few hours after they were made, there was little hope for that anymore. So, Clarke quickly reheated them in the microwave before pulling them out. She grabbed two plates and gave herself and Lexa a huge waffle each. (She was also pleased to note that Raven _had_ made her blueberry waffles, as her best friend knew they were her favorite.)

Clarke walked back into the living room to find Raven and Octavia where she left them and Lexa standing over by the balcony window, phone to her ear.

"What's up, Anya?" Clarke overheard Lexa asking as she put Lexa's waffle down on the coffee table. She sat down on the couch, putting her own plate in her lap before she started eating.

"Well, in rain, snow, sleet, or hail, as the saying goes," Lexa said with a soft chuckle. "I do get mail at our apartment sometimes, you know."

Lexa was silent for a few minutes, her posture stiffening as she listened to whatever her sister was telling her. Clarke watched from her position on the couch, brow scrunched in concern. She placed her own plate next to Lexa's on the coffee table and stood up to stand beside Lexa at the window. She placed her hand on Lexa's lower back, rubbing calming circles there as she watched for any indication of what was happening in the conversation.

Lexa's face was hard, her jaw set and her eyes staring straight ahead of her. Clarke wanted nothing more than to wrap Lexa in her arms, but she didn't know if the touch would be appreciated. By Lexa not even reacting to her presence beside her, Clarke was pretty sure Lexa wouldn't like it.

After a few more moments of Anya talking on the other end of the call, Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Well, I can't read it right now anyway. I'll get it tomorrow. Do _not_ open it, Anya. I don't know what she wants, but I'd rather read it first."

Another silence followed.

"Yes, Anya. I'm sure. Put it in my room and I'll read it as soon as I get home tomorrow. Thank you." With that, Lexa hung up and let her arm fall to her side. She continued to stare out the window, her jaw clenching as if she was grinding her teeth.

"Lex...?" Clarke asked quietly after a few minutes of them standing there in silence. She looked over to see that Octavia and Raven were watching them curiously.

Lexa's knuckles were white with her grip on her phone. Clarke reached down and ran her fingers over Lexa's fist, trying to relax her grip. "Lexa?" Clarke called again, leaning over to get a better look at Lexa's face. "Is everything okay?"

Lexa took another deep breath, bringing her free hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose, her eyes falling shut.

Clarke looked over at her friends again, motioning her head toward the hall and silently asking them to leave the room. Luckily, they understood and both got up without a word, making their way to Raven's room.

"Love?" Clarke asked, her voice telling of her concern. She had never seen Lexa shut down like this, and it was truly worrying to her. She didn't know what she should do or how she could comfort her girlfriend. This was uncharted territory and she was completely lost.

Finally, Lexa's grip on her phone loosened and she let the hand at her face fall back to her side. She turned to face Clarke, intense green eyes meeting Clarke's concerned blue.

"That was my sister," Lexa stated blankly. Even her tone of voice was tense.

Clarke just nodded, not wanting to say or do anything to cause Lexa to lock back down on her.

"I got a letter in the mail today. One that I wasn't expecting to ever receive," Lexa explained. Clarke continued to stand silently, her hand still cupping Lexa's that was holding her cellphone. "It was from someone that I used to know, Costia..." she paused, searching Clarke's eyes. Clarke had a bad feeling that whoever this Costia was, she wasn't going to like it. "My ex." Nope, definitely didn't like that.

It was now Clarke's turn to take a deep breath. Lexa watched her as Clarke breathed deeply, never letting their eyes divert.

"Okay," Clarke finally said. "Is this a problem?" she asked. Lexa reached over with her free hand and entwined her fingers with Clarke's other hand.

"I don't believe so," Lexa began. "As I said, I never expected to hear from her again. I have no idea what that letter says or why she would be contacting me. We didn't part... amicably, exactly."

Clarke tugged on Lexa's hand and led them to the couch to sit down facing each other. Lexa set her phone on the coffee table and entwined that hand with Clarke's as well.

"I hate asking this, but should I be worried?" Clarke searched Lexa's eyes for any hesitation. Instead, all she found was love and slight frustration.

"No, absolutely not," Lexa said adamantly. "She is in the past, and that's where she's staying. But I wanted to be honest with you about her contacting me."

"Will you see her if she asks?" Clarke asked. She hated asking these questions of Lexa, and she knew she probably sounded incredibly insecure at the moment. But at the same time, she was proud of herself for keeping a cool head. An ex-girlfriend of her incredibly hot current girlfriend was trying to get back in contact with her. She had every reason to be concerned.

Lexa's brow creased as she thought over her answer. "I don't know," she finally said, looking down at their locked hands. She squeezed Clarke's hands in hers before looking back up to meet Clarke's gaze. "If I did, you'd be the first to know. I don't want to threaten what we have going on here, Clarke. I wouldn't risk you for anything." Lexa's eyes were incredibly soft as she looked at Clarke, and in that moment Clarke knew that she had no reason to not trust Lexa with this.

"Okay," Clarke said with a nod. She smiled at Lexa before leaning forward to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Okay?" Lexa asked. She looked even more confused now than before, her brow bunching up as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"Yeah, okay. I trust you, Lexa. You've never been anything but honest with me, and you've been honest about this letter. So yeah, okay." Clarke pulled Lexa toward her by their linked hands and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

Lexa leaned back after the kiss, still searching Clarke's expression for any doubt. "I won't give you any reason to lose that trust in me," she finally said definitively.

Clarke hummed and pulled one of her hands free to lean over and grab Lexa's plate from the coffee table. "I'll hold you to that. Now, eat your waffles before they get too cold." She handed the plate to Lexa before reaching for her own, letting their hands that were still entwined fall free.

* * *

 

Lexa continued to watch Clarke as her girlfriend went back to eating her breakfast contentedly. She was worried that Clarke was more concerned about the situation than she was letting on. To be honest, Lexa was more concerned about the situation than she was letting on. She hadn't contacted or even tried to contact Costia in years, and the out of the blue letter was disconcerting. But, like she told Clarke, she'd be completely transparent with her girlfriend about the matter.

She wasn't willing to let Clarke doubt how she felt about her. And she wouldn't let the reappearance of her ex-girlfriend threaten that.

Lexa turned so both of her feet were flat on the floor, her plate in her lap, before she began to eat her breakfast as well.

"What did you want to do today?" Clarke asked between bites of her waffle. She put her plate back on the coffee table and stood up, walking into the kitchen.

Lexa watched her go. "I figured we could just laze around today. You deserve a day to just relax," Lexa called after her.

"Hm," Clarke hummed as she reemerged from the kitchen, two steaming coffee cups in hand. "That does sound nice." She sat back down beside Lexa, handing over one of the mugs.

Lexa happily took the offered mug, breathing in the scent of her caffeine savior. She took a sip and moaned at the taste.

"And here I thought you only moaned like that when Clarke was going down on you," Raven said as she and Octavia walked back in the room. Lexa didn't miss her making eye contact with Clarke, or Clarke's nod that it was okay to come back in.

Instead of commenting on it, Lexa just scooted over to make room for Clarke's two best friends, in turn pressing herself into Clarke's side. Really, this couch was not big enough for four people to fit comfortably.

"Clarke and coffee, my two favorite things," Lexa said with a teasing smirk to her girlfriend.

"I do hope that I'm a bit higher up on that list than coffee," Clarke shot back, her own smile fighting to take over. Lexa pretended to think about it for a minute, causing Clarke to smack her arm playfully. "Don't be mean!" Clarke chided with a laugh.

"Hey, I didn't get a drawing with my coffee today. So my favor toward you has sunk a little. Not to mention you tricking me into doing all that for Anya this morning," Lexa argued. She rubbed her arm, pretending to be more hurt than she was.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "You do realize that is a ceramic mug, right?"

"Doesn't matter," Lexa answered, showing off said mug. "Look at all this surface area. You could have drawn a masterpiece on here."

"It would have just been washed off," Clarke argued.

Lexa clutched at the mug. "No it wouldn't have. I'd have brought it home with me to put with the others."

Clarke quirked an eyebrow at her. "And you'd let it just sit there, dirty?"

"Like all of the others, if you think about it. I'd rinse it out, at least."

Clarke just rolled her eyes and smiled fondly at Lexa. "I think I've spoiled you." She turned to face Lexa fully, leaning her elbow on the back of the sofa and resting her head on her fist, her knee and thigh resting on Lexa's leg.

"You two are gross," Raven cut in, watching the couple's interaction. Lexa looked over her shoulder to see Raven scrunching up her face in mock disgust. "I mean, really. We aren't that bad, are we, O?"

Octavia shook her head from her position beside Raven. "No, but they're still in the honeymoon stage."

Clarke stuck her tongue out at her friends. "Says the couple that still coos over each other. Not to mention the amount of times that I've walked in on you two fawning over each other. You're like a couple of love sick puppies."

"Look who's talking. Who was it that stayed in bed all morning, showering love on each other?" Raven shot back.

"Are you really arguing about which couple shows how much they love each other more?" Lexa asked, an amused expression on her face. "Because if that's the case, I'll stand up on the rooftop right now and announce how much I love Clarke to the world."

Clarke cooed and leaned over to kiss Lexa's cheek. "That's so sweet, babe."

"Oh, you're so on. No one out-loves Raven Reyes. I'll be right up there with you, announcing my love for Octavia, but with a fireworks display as well. _And_ a romantic dinner for my lady." Raven crossed her arms and looked at Lexa triumphantly.

"I thought you were debating who was more gross," Octavia chimed in, her chin resting on Raven's shoulder. "But I'm definitely not against the declaration of love, Rae." She kissed Raven's cheek quickly.

Clarke laughed. "I think you may have just signed up for more than you bargained for there, Reyes."

Raven looked between her girlfriend and the couple sitting next to them, her mouth falling open. "Wait, wait, wait," she stumbled out, holding her hands out in front of her. "I never actually--"

"I think you totally just challenged Lexa to a love-off. And agreed to a huge romantic gesture for your girlfriend. Are you going to let her get out of that one, Octavia?" Clarke teased, smirking deviously at her friend. Lexa watched her girlfriend, amused at how much she was loving beating Raven at her own game.

Octavia shook her head and wrapped her arms around Raven's torso. "Definitely not. Unless, of course, she comes up with something even better."

"Sounds like another challenge, Reyes," Lexa said. If there was anything she had learned about Clarke's best friend, it was that she couldn't back down from a challenge.

"Alright!" Raven shouted, abruptly pulling out of Octavia's arms and standing up, just to twirl around and face her girlfriend. Both Clarke and Octavia leaned forward a little, prepared to catch Raven if her brace was to give out on her with her abrupt movements. "Prepare to be wooed, Octavia Blake! You're about to be swept off your feet in a romantic act far surpassing anything you have ever witnessed!" she declared before marching off to her bedroom where they could only assume she'd begin planning her grand romantic gesture.

"Huh," Octavia huffed after her girlfriend left the room. "I think you two may have just gotten me the best gift ever." She continued to stare down the hall where Raven had disappeared.

"You can thank us after you see whatever she comes up with. For all you know, it could just be a trip to the zoo," Clarke joked.

"I heard that!" Raven yelled from behind her closed bedroom door. "It'll be _way_ better than that!"

"Prove her wrong then, Reyes!" Octavia yelled back before settling back into the couch to face the TV. "If it actually turns out good, remind me to buy you both dinner."

"Consider it done," Clarke agreed, relaxing back into the couch herself. Lexa leaned back next to her, throwing her arm over Clarke's shoulders as she sipped on her coffee.

Lexa found she couldn't think of a single other place she'd rather be than with Clarke tucked into her side, a hot cup of coffee in her hands, and their friends keeping them company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's in the letter?? Who even knows? And what is Raven planning? Do we even want to know???? All good questions that will be answered over the course of the story. 
> 
> Next week I'm hoping to get a couple of longer chapters out for y'all. This week was just really heavy with work that I had to do, so thank you for your patience. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments/requests/kudos for me. I really, really appreciate them. And, as always, you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to chat or even just want to raise my follower count because you're all lovely people.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	23. For Every Kiss Your Beauty Trumped My Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuddles, tacos, sisters, and insecurities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a longer one for y'all to start off the week! I was tempted to break it in two, but decided to be a bit nicer this week. Enjoy!

"Wait, no," Clarke grumbled, reaching for Lexa as she tried to get out of bed the next morning. "Stay."

Lexa chuckled and leaned down to press a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "It's time to get up, love."

Clarke groaned and grabbed for Lexa again, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's waist and burying her face in Lexa's stomach. "No."

"Clarke," Lexa attempted to warn, but the laugh that was bubbling out of her cancelled the effect. Running her fingers through Clarke's hair probably wasn't very convincing, either.

"Mm," Clarke hummed in appreciation of Lexa's gentle touch. "Please?" she mumbled out against Lexa's stomach.

Lexa lay back down with a huff, trapping one of Clarke's arms under her back. Clarke adjusted so she was laying her head on Lexa's stomach, throwing one of her legs over Lexa's in the process.

"I win?" Clarke asked, her voice hopeful. She snuggled more into Lexa.

"Five more minutes," Lexa answered, continuing to run her fingers through Clarke's hair as she watched her girlfriend drift back off to sleep on her. She shook her head, amazed at how quickly Clarke was able to fall asleep, even after having a complete (sort of) conversation with her.

Five minutes came and went.

Then ten.

Then twenty.

Lexa just couldn't convince herself to wake Clarke back up again. Her girlfriend was comfortably sleeping on her, her light snores tickling the skin on Lexa's stomach that was exposed by her slightly raised shirt. And Clarke's hair was so, so soft, the blonde strands gliding through her fingers like silk.

So when over half an hour had passed and Lexa still hadn't woken Clarke back up, she could hardly blame herself. There was still a lot of snow on the ground, and morning classes were delayed for two hours. Clarke wouldn't be late if she slept in a little longer, though Lexa was already pushing it for her job. The library was probably opening as soon as possible, which meant as soon as the workers were able to get there. And, knowing Lincoln, he was already there setting up for the day, waiting for Lexa to get there.

And if this was a few months ago, Lexa would have already been there before Lincoln, the library set up and close to opening.

But now... Clarke.

She made Lexa want to ditch work just to spend a few more hours with her. Honestly, Lexa felt like she would give up anything for the blonde, including her job (though she loved her job and didn't really want to put it in jeopardy).

Lexa still had to make it home to get clothes for the day ahead and hopefully take a hot shower. And there was still that letter that she had to read. But that could all wait, right?

Since when was she not the responsible one?

With that thought in mind, Lexa began to shift slightly under Clarke, trying to nudge the blonde gently into wakefulness.

Clarke's groan of protest wasn't unexpected.

"Clarke, love. We have to get up. Or at least, I do," Lexa said softly. She had learned quickly that Clarke was not a morning person, and trying to wake her up swiftly and with loud noises was not a good idea.

"No," Clarke grumbled, pressing her face into Lexa's stomach again. Really, Clarke was being too adorable for this early in the morning.

"Clarke, I have to get to work. And get my car. Crap. I forgot we left that at the library." Lexa groaned, glaring up at the ceiling. That cut even more into her morning. But, Lincoln was competent and would more than likely have the library completely ready to open by the time she got there. She really shouldn't worry.

"I'll drive you to work," Clarke mumbled, rolling over so that she was completely on Lexa, her head on Lexa's stomach and the rest of her body draped over Lexa's lower half.

"My clothes are all at home," Lexa argued.

"We can stop by your apartment." Clarke's voice was muffled by Lexa's shirt.

Lexa thought about it for a moment. Honestly, it'd make sense to just let Clarke drive her. Then she could clean off her car later in the day and drive back to her apartment after her shift. And Clarke would be able to go about her own day as well. But, that required Clarke getting up.

"Alright then," Lexa agreed with a nod. She looked down to find Clarke dozing off again. "But I still need to get a shower."

Clarke groaned. "Why do you insist on getting up?"

"The day awaits, Clarke."

"Let it 'await' away, then. You know what I think? I think we deserve another lazy day like yesterday. Come to think of it..." Clarke leaned up on her elbows, a mischievous glint in her eye. "I _really_ liked how yesterday started. Up for a repeat performance?" She inched her way up Lexa's body, peppering kisses over Lexa's collarbones and up her neck.

"Clarke," Lexa warned again, her voice a little breathy. "I need to get a shower and get to work."

"You don't want a little..." Clarke nipped at Lexa's neck, "pick-me up?"

"Mm... But shower." Lexa was quickly losing her will to fight Clarke. Honestly, what would being a little late to work cause? No one was going to be going to the library this early after a snowstorm anyway.

Clarke continued to kiss up and down Lexa's neck, her hands wandering up Lexa's shirt and tracing the planes of her stomach. "You and I both know that you're going to let me win."

"Compromise," Lexa breathed out as Clarke began to suck on a particularly sensitive patch of skin.

"I'm listening," Clarke mumbled against Lexa's skin before she continued to try to make a distinct mark on Lexa's neck.

"Shower," Lexa tried to explain further, but Clarke's mouth was doing wonderful things to her and was making thought rather difficult.

Clarke chuckled against Lexa's neck. "That's not a compromise."

"Together," Lexa expanded, her head tipping back to give Clarke more room to work her magic. When Clarke pulled away abruptly, she groaned loudly at the loss. " _Clarke_..." she whined.

Clarke was looking down at her with a shocked expression, though that quickly turned into a suggestive smirk. "You want to shower with me?"

" _God_ yes," Lexa breathed out, reaching out to wrap her hands around Clarke's sides. Even this early in the morning, Clarke was breathtaking. The sunlight was creeping around Clarke's closed blinds behind her, and it was making Clarke shine like the stars themselves.

Clarke hummed and leaned down to press a lingering kiss to Lexa's lips. Lexa's eyes fell closed as she pulled Clarke to her. "So about that pick-me up..." Clarke mumbled against Lexa's lips.

"I'll show you a pick-me up," Lexa all but growled, swiftly sitting up and bringing Clarke with her. In one movement, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, Clarke's legs wrapping around her waist and her arms going around Lexa's neck. "Picked you up."

"You're such a dork," Clarke laughed, her nails scratching at the nape of Lexa's neck. She wrapped herself more securely around Lexa, pressing her lips to Lexa's ear. "Now take me to the shower."

Lexa nodded jerkily. "Your wish is my command."

* * *

 

Lexa was late for work, but Clarke wasn't sorry in the least about that. And really, was Lexa actually _late_ when most of the employees were still straggling in as well? Clarke thought not.

But, to make up for her (totally welcomed) distraction that morning, Clarke decided that bringing Lexa lunch and a coffee was a good " _I'm sorry_ ". Though she totally wasn't sorry. And she was sure that Lexa knew that and agreed with her (at least, if how long Lexa had kept them in the shower was any indication).

Clarke grinned to herself as she thought about her morning again. All-in-all, not a bad way to start the day. In fact, she wouldn't be opposed to starting most, if not all, mornings in the same way.

She made her way up the library stairs, backpack over her shoulders and paper bag of food in her hand. Walking in the doors, she indicated that she'd be getting two cups of coffee to the barista, and took the proffered empty cup to draw a quick sketch on.

And, while she was tempted to draw a scene from their shower earlier, she decided she'd keep it clean and draw two people making a snowman instead.

After retrieving the filled coffee cups and paying for them, she carried them and the bag of food into the library proper, finding Lexa bent over her desk working on something.

Clarke walked up to the desk, placing the cups and food down on the counter. "Excuse me, miss," she said, trying to make her voice as indistinct as possible.

"Good afternoon, Clarke," Lexa replied, not looking up from her laptop. After finishing typing her thought out, Lexa looked up to see Clarke glaring playfully at her. "What's that for?"

"That was a totally amazing impression of a confused Australian college student coming in for help finding a book," Clarke stated confidently. "How did you know it was me?"

Lexa stood up and leaned across the counter to place a gentle kiss on Clarke's lips. "Your impressions could probably use some work, babe."

"My accent was totally believable." Clarke knew, of course, that her accent was atrocious and would probably have insulted any Australian that heard it. But still.

"Uh-huh," Lexa conceded skeptically, her eyebrow raised. "What'd you bring me?"

Clarke crossed her arms. "How do you know any of this is for you? Maybe I'm just super hungry today."

"Good workout this morning?" Lexa asked suggestively, waggling her eyebrows.

Clarke laughed and reached for the bag of food, unrolling the top. "You're a brat, you know that?"

"Perhaps. But I'm a brat that you find utterly irresistible," Lexa shot back, raising up onto her toes to try and see into the bag. "So what'd you bring me?" she repeated.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled a box out of the bag. "Tacos. And coffee. But I figure you'll appreciate the tacos more than the coffee."

"Is that some kind of joke about my sexuality?"

"Hm," Clarke hummed. "Take it as you will." She smirked at her girlfriend who feigned being insulted. Lexa grumbled and plopped back into her seat.

"So sassy today." She looked up at Clarke, pout firmly in place. "I don't think I deserve this."

"You don't deserve lunch being brought to you by your loving girlfriend? Your girlfriend who went out of her way to go get you tacos, which you love?" Clarke crossed her arms on the countertop, leaning against them.

"Oh, I definitely deserve that. The sass on the other hand..." She tried to hide the smirk that was fighting it's way onto her face, but Clarke clearly saw the twitch of her lips.

"You love this sass. And this ass. Are you going to eat with me?" Clarke picked the box up and grabbed her cup of coffee, leaving the now empty bag on the counter. She turned and walked to her usual table.

"Don't worry," Lexa said, standing up and grabbing the empty bag. "I'll get this." She crumpled it up loudly and threw it into the trash can under her desk.

"It's really the least you could do," Clarke called back. Already having deposited her backpack on the floor, she sat down and began to dig through the box of tacos. "You gonna join me?"

Lexa grumbled but grabbed her cup and made her way to Clarke. She sat down with a huff across from Clarke. "I thought this was supposed to be an apology."

"Because buying you lunch isn't an apology?" Clarke asked, looking up from the box to find Lexa pouting profusely. "Oh, put that lip back," she said with a chuckle. Lexa pulled her lip between her teeth, looking up at Clarke through her lashes. "Stop that." Lexa batted her eyes at Clarke.

"I don't think you really mean that you're sorry," Lexa said, letting her lip out from between her teeth. "In fact..." she leaned forward over the table, "I think you have ulterior motives to this lunch."

"Do you?" Clarke asked, watching amused as Lexa tried to get the upper hand.

"I do," Lexa assured. She leaned forward a bit more so that she was firmly in Clarke's space. "So Clarke," she said, popping the 'k', "What's your ulterior motive?"

Clarke closed the space between them and pressed their lips together. "No ulterior motive other than seeing my beautiful girlfriend and eating lunch with her," she said after pulling back again. She pushed the box of tacos so that it was in the center of the table. "Now eat your tacos. I don't have much time before I have to get to my next class."

Lexa smiled and dropped back into her seat, reaching out and grabbing a taco. "How long do you have?" she asked before taking a bite.

Clarke looked down at her old, beat up watch to check the time. "About ten minutes, actually."

"Better get eating, then." Lexa nudged the box and waited until Clarke grabbed one before she continued eating her own.

They ate in silence, though Clarke more quickly than Lexa. Less than ten minutes later, Clarke wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood up. She grabbed her coffee and slung her backpack over her shoulder before walking around the table and placing a kiss on Lexa's head.

"See you later, babe."

Lexa tilted her face up expectantly after swallowing her bite. With a smile teasing at her lips, Clarke happily placed a kiss to Lexa's lips.

"Love you," Lexa mumbled against Clarke's lips before pressing them together again quickly.

"Love you, too." And with that, Clarke turned and walked out of the library to try and get to her class on time.

* * *

 

The day was decidedly dull after Clarke left Lexa alone in the library. As she had assumed, the library remained absent of any students after the snow day, everyone either attending classes or opting to stay in their rooms for the day. Lexa could hardly blame them. If she really had any other option, she would have stayed in bed with Clarke all day. But, they both had responsibilities, and though her own day seemed wasted by the lack of anyone venturing into the library, she knew that Clarke had to attend her classes.

Lincoln was good company though, and his random puns throughout the day kept Lexa awake, at least.

By the end of her work day though, Lexa was ready to just go home and relax. Even if she hadn't had any actual work to do during the day, she had dedicated most of her time to writing, which had been an exhausting experience. (She blamed Clarke for her inability to concentrate on what she was trying to write.)

Walking through the front door to her apartment, Lexa was immediately greeted by Anya leaning against the counter of their kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee.

"What's up, nerd?" she asked, holding her mug with both hands below her chin.

Lexa walked into the kitchen, making herself a cup as well. "Long day at work?" she asked, leaning against the counter next to her sister.

Anya sighed sharply, eyes rolling dramatically. "If you only knew. The boss apparently thought that our lack of presence yesterday qualified us for four times the amount of work today to catch up on 'all the missed opportunities,'" she said, air-quoting the last bit. Anya worked for an advertising firm, and any missed day was considered a huge loss for the company.

"Sounds rough," Lexa sympathized before taking a sip of her drink.

"Understatement of the century. Speaking of understatements, you seem rather underwhelmed by the arrival of a certain piece of mail." Anya quirked an eyebrow as she examined her sister's reaction.

Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. "To be honest, I'm curious and nervous. But, at the same time, I'm completely unconcerned with whatever she has to say. Does that make sense?"

Anya hummed with a nod. "You've found something better."

Lexa looked down into her mug, watching as the swirls of steam rose from the hot liquid inside. She definitely had found something better in Clarke. Something better than she ever deserved, if she was being honest with herself. And Costia... she was her past. Clarke was her present and hopefully her future. She was the best thing that could have happened to Lexa.

"Yeah," Lexa finally admitted. "I've definitely found something better. So," she pushed herself off the counter, placing her coffee down as well, "shall we face the unknown?"

"You are so dramatic," Anya sighed, waving her off. "Go get the damn letter. I'll meet you on the couch."

Lexa did as she was told, and Anya was waiting for her on the couch when she walked into the living room. She knew that Anya would respect her wishes as to reading it first, and she wasn't surprised to see that the letter remained unopened where she found it on her bed.

She sat down next to Anya, turned so that she was facing her sister slightly. She still wanted to read it first, but having Anya's presence with her was comforting.

"Ready?" Anya asked, watching Lexa for any reaction.

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded, opening the envelope. She sliced her finger on the flap, quickly pulling it to her mouth to suck on the paper cut. "If that isn't a sign..." she mumbled around her finger, trying to lighten the mood with a bit of poorly placed humor.

Anya just continued to stare at her seriously and Lexa returned to pulling the letter out of the envelope.

She read it over once.

And then again.

And a third time just to make sure she completely understood everything.

Anya's eyes remained on her the whole time, studying even the slightest twitch of reaction. "So?" she finally asked when it looked like Lexa was going to read it over again for a fourth time.

"She said she's sorry. That she shouldn't have let what her father said get to her. She wants to talk things over," Lexa answered in a monotone. She honestly didn't know how she felt. Really, she felt emotionless about it. Neither excited nor angry, happy nor sad. There was nothing. She just didn't care.

"And?" Anya prompted.

Lexa placed the letter down in her lap, looking up to meet her sister's eyes. "And nothing. I'm not going to get tangled up in that again. She made her choice, I've moved on."

Anya stared at Lexa for a moment in silence, analyzing her. "Are you going to respond?" she asked, her voice not betraying her own thoughts on the matter.

"She left her number at the bottom, in the hopes that I'd contact her. Do you think I should?" Lexa began picking at her nails nervously. While she didn't want to meet with Costia, she still felt somewhat inclined to do so. She had dedicated three years to the girl, and now that she was back and wanted to talk... Did Costia deserve her time, though?

"Do you want to?" Anya asked simply.

Lexa thought about it hard for a moment. Again, she didn't really want to see her ex-girlfriend again. She was happy now, and opening that can of worms up again didn't seem like a wise decision. And Clarke had been wonderful about everything. Did she really want to put Clarke through that? It wouldn't be easy on her in any way. Lexa would hate it if Clarke went to meet up with an ex to 'talk things over.'

"No," Lexa said definitively. "Do you think I should at least text her to let her know to move on?"

Anya rested her head on her fist as she put her elbow on the back of the couch beside her. "Do you think you should? Does she deserve that much?"

Anya really wasn't giving her any advice here. And it was slightly annoying, in all honesty. Wasn't the big sister supposed to give out advice willingly?

"I don't know. Wouldn't you want some kind of response?" Maybe she could force some advice out of her sister.

"Mm. I'm not Costia. I didn't do what she did to you, and I never would to any person because I'm a decent human being. Did she ask for a response if you decided you didn't want to meet with her?"

Lexa looked back down to the letter, skimming over the words again to see if she had missed any indication that Costia would want to hear from her if she declined her offer. "I think she was pretty confident that I'd meet with her."

"Cocky bitch, isn't she?" Anya eyed the letter before holding out her hand to indicate that she wanted to read it. Lexa handed it over without pause. She felt no inclination to keep it to herself.

Anya's eyes skimmed over the page quickly, taking in the message. When she reached the bottom, she handed it back to Lexa. "Do you want her to have your number again?"

"She may still have it. I haven't changed it." Lexa looked back down at the letter, chewing on her lip as she thought. "I'll respond if she tries again, with a denial. For now, I'll just let it go."

"I think that's a good decision. This may all just blow over." Anya settled back into the couch, turning away from Lexa. "Netflix?" she asked, flipping the television on.

Lexa stood up from the couch, placing the letter back into the envelope and leaving it on the coffee table. "I think I should call Clarke and let her know about the letter. I told her I got it yesterday after you called."

"Honesty is the best policy," Anya replied, not looking up from scrolling through her Netflix feed. "Hurry up though. There's nothing new up so we can watch one of your weird documentaries if you want."

Lexa chuckled and walked back to her room, pulling her phone out of her pocket on the way.

The phone rang twice before Clarke picked up, a little breathless.

" _Lexa_ ," she breathed out. " _No, Raven. Go away_ ," she said away from the phone. Lexa heard a slight scuffle on the other line, along with some grumbled complaints from Raven.

"Clarke?" Lexa called, trying to get her girlfriend back on the phone.

" _Lexa, hey! What's up?_ " Clarke asked, even more breathless now that she had assumedly had to wrestle her phone away from Raven.

"I opened the letter," Lexa said without preamble. She figured it'd be better to just get all the cards on the table so that Clarke wouldn't be left in suspense over it.

" _Oh_ ," Clarke breathed out. Lexa heard the nervousness in that simple exhale.

"Costia wanted to meet with me, after apologizing profusely for what happened. I'm not going to respond. I don't want to see her again." Lexa spoke in one breath, trying to get all of the information out for Clarke. The very last thing she wanted was for Clarke to think she wasn't sure about her decision to not see Costia again. And with a choice between maybe seeing Costia and making sure that Clarke was comfortable, Clarke would always come first.

The line was silent for a moment as Clarke took in everything she said. " _She apologized?_ "

"Yes. For what led to us breaking up. She said she was stupid about the whole thing and wanted to talk it out. But, like I said, I'm not even going to take the time to respond to her. If she continues--"

" _But why after all this time?_ " Clarke asked, cutting her off.

Lexa thought about it for a moment. She had no idea what would have brought about the change of heart for Costia. Maybe her father had finally stopped badmouthing Lexa long enough for her to think clearly. "I don't know."

" _What if she keeps trying to get in touch with you?_ " Clarke's tone was calm, almost too calm. Lexa was sure that her girlfriend was going into her Doctor Griffin mode, locking down on her own emotions to get the facts concerning the situation.

"Then maybe I'll send her a firm 'no.'" Lexa took a deep breath, collecting herself. "Clarke?"

Clarke hummed in recognition.

"I love you, okay? Whatever Costia wants, she's not going to get it. She's definitely not going to come between me and you."

Lexa could hear Clarke's voice soften as she said, " _I love you, too._ " They were both quiet for a moment, just listening to the other's breathing. " _Can I come over?_ " Clarke all but whispered into the phone, her voice hesitant. Lexa barely heard the request, but smiled softly at her girlfriend's request. She wanted to be together right now, too.

"Of course, love. Anya and I were just about to start watching something on Netflix. We'll wait for you." Lexa stood from her bed, making her way back out to the living room.

" _I'll be there in fifteen, alright?_ " Clarke asked. Lexa could hear her shuffling on the other side, probably getting ready to go out into the cold.

"Okay. Drive safe." Lexa was just about to pull the phone away when Clarke called her back.

" _Lex?_ "

"Yes, Clarke?" Lexa asked, pulling the phone back to her ear.

" _I love you_."

"I love you too, Clarke. See you in a bit." And with that, the call ended.

* * *

 

It took less than fifteen minutes for Clarke to arrive at Lexa's apartment. She chewed on her lip as she stared the closed door down, her nerves getting to her. Lexa sounded so sure about ignoring the letter from Costia. But what if Lexa was actually curious about it? She had been with Costia for a while. She was Lexa's first love. And Clarke really couldn't blame her if she was intrigued by the request to meet.

But Lexa was with Clarke now. They loved each other. Clarke was confident in those feelings. However, the thought of Lexa being drawn back to Costia still lingered in the back of Clarke's mind. And she honestly wasn't sure how she'd react if Lexa ever indicated a renewed interest in Costia.

Clarke shook her head. She was getting way ahead of herself here. Lexa had reassured her that she wasn't interested in even interacting minimally with her ex-girlfriend. She had to be confident in her own relationship with Lexa now, trusting her girlfriend to be honest with her.

With a firm nod, Clarke raised her left hand and knocked on the door. She only had to wait a few seconds for the door to be flung open, and then Lexa was standing before her.

Lexa smiled softly at her and reached her hand out for Clarke's. Clarke slid their hands together, letting her girlfriend gently pull her into the apartment.

"You okay?" Lexa whispered softly, head dipped and eyes locked on Clarke. The sound of the television echoed quietly through the apartment, letting Clarke know that Anya was just in the other room. Clarke stared straight into Lexa's green eyes and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Lexa studied Clarke for a moment longer, her eyes searching for any doubt in Clarke's features. Clarke gave a soft smile and squeezed Lexa's hand. "Really, I'm okay. Should we join your sister?"

"Hell yes you should! I'm getting lonely out here," Anya called from the living room. Lexa rolled her eyes and tilted her head in the direction of Anya's voice.

"Ready to subject yourself to that mess?" she asked with an amused smirk.

Clarke nodded with a fond smile. "What are we watching?" she asked as the two of them walked into the living room, hand in hand. Anya was sprawled out on the couch dramatically, arm thrown over her eyes.

"It's about time. I thought I'd die before you two decided to finally join me," Anya whined, lifting her arm off of her eyes to look at Clarke and Lexa.

Lexa shoved her sister's legs off the couch. "Stop being dramatic. It was two minutes."

"Two minutes too long. Really, I've already had to sit through an episode of this stupid cartoon. I was worried I'd have to watch another one before you'd come back." Anya eyed the television, grabbing the remote to go back to the Netflix home page.

" _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_ is not that bad, and you know it. I've come home a few times to you watching it by yourself," Lexa argued, pulling Clarke down onto the couch next to her. She placed their entwined hands on her thigh, her thumb gently rubbing against the back of Clarke's hand.

Anya scoffed. "Just because I was watching it doesn't mean that I was enjoying it. It just happened to be on the recently watched list."

"Along with about a dozen other shows. And yet..." Lexa trailed off, leaving the implication hanging.

"And yet nothing," Anya shot back. "Just put your dumb documentary on." She pushed the remote into Lexa's free hand.

Lexa chuckled, grabbing the remote and pulling up the next episode of Cosmos. "To answer your question, Clarke. _Cosmos_. We're watching _Cosmos_. Because who doesn't love space?"

Clarke looked over at her girlfriend, chewing on her lip distractedly. She had noticed the envelope sitting on the coffee table as soon as she sat down on the couch. And she'd be lying to say that she wasn't curious.

She reminded herself again that she completely trusted Lexa. She didn't need to worry about anything, especially not ex-girlfriends. Lexa was here with her, she chose to be here with her. And Clarke honestly couldn't be happier about that.

With that thought in mind, Clarke leaned into Lexa's side, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. Lexa leaned her own head to rest atop Clarke's, tilting her chin down briefly to place a kiss in Clarke's hair.

It didn't take long before Clarke was dozing off on Lexa's shoulder, comforted by her girlfriend's presence.

* * *

 

Lexa honestly could not understand how the two people she cared about most in this world could fall asleep during a documentary on space. Seriously, the documentary was fascinating. It should be able to hold anyone's attention.

But alas, both her girlfriend and her sister were already falling asleep within fifteen minutes of the show starting.

Lexa rolled her eyes fondly as she watched her sister twitch where she was curled up on the other end of the couch. Clarke nestled closer into Lexa's side, her nose pressing into Lexa's neck.

Lexa sighed in contentment as she relaxed even further into the couch, accepting that she'd be the only one actually watching this documentary.

* * *

 

Clarke began waking up with about five minutes of the show left. She stretched her free arm out with a yawn before wrapping it around Lexa's middle.

Lexa chuckled and kissed Clarke's head again. "Have a nice nap?"

With a nod, Clarke pressed herself further into Lexa's side. "'S good," she mumbled. Lexa's breathy laugh washed over Clarke's face.

"The show's almost over. Did you want to stay the night?" Lexa asked quietly. Clarke tilted her head away from Lexa's neck and noticed that Anya was knocked out on Lexa's other side. She looked up and met Lexa's eyes.

"If that's okay. I wouldn't want to impose." Clarke chewed on her bottom lip, eyes darting to the envelope on the table briefly before meeting Lexa's eyes again.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "You wouldn't be imposing at all. In fact," Lexa leaned forward and grabbed the remote off the coffee table, turning the television off, "I'd prefer you stay."

"Would you?" Clarke asked, smile pulling at her lips. Lexa's only response was to press a quick kiss to Clarke's lips.

Lexa looked over to her sleeping sister, a mischievous look spreading across her features. Without any further warning, Lexa reached out and smacked Anya's thigh, startling the older woman awake.

"What the hell?" Anya yelled, bracing herself against the couch while her eyes darted around the room. Her glare quickly fell on Lexa. "You," she growled.

Lexa shrugged her shoulders innocently before standing up and pulling Clarke up with her. "Just wanted to let you know that Clarke and I are going to bed."

"Uh-huh," Anya mumbled, still glaring at Lexa.

Lexa didn't even look at her, instead reaching down and grabbing the envelope off of the table. "Uh-huh. So, goodnight."

Clarke looked over her shoulder one last time as Lexa led her back to her room, only to see Anya still glaring at the back of Lexa's head.

When they got in Lexa's room, Lexa let Clarke walk in ahead of her, letting go of her hand to shut the door behind them. Clarke walked over to the bed and sat down, looking up at her girlfriend. Her eyes continuously darted down to the envelope in her hand.

Lexa held out the envelope and walked to Clarke. She stood in front of her for a moment, envelope still extended to her. "I know you're curious," Lexa said, smiling softly at Clarke.

Clarke eyed the envelope warily. "I am," she admitted, her eyes jumping up the meet Lexa's once again. "But I trust you more than I'm curious about that." She took the letter from Lexa and placed it on the bed beside her, patting the spot next to her to indicate that Lexa should sit.

Lexa complied and sat next to Clarke, turning her body so that she was facing her. Clarke mirrored her movements, their bent knees touching on the bed.

"It's fine if you want to read it. Really. I don't want to keep it a secret from you," Lexa said adamantly, reaching between them to gather Clarke's hands in her own. She looked at Clarke with such conviction that Clarke couldn't help but smile.

Clarke pulled one of her hands free, reaching up to place it along Lexa's jaw, her thumb rubbing lightly against her cheek. "I know. And that's why I know I can trust you with it. I don't need to read it. It your's and--"

"And I want you to read it," Lexa said. She reached around Clarke and grabbed the envelope, placing it in Clarke's lap. "Please. I don't want you to have even a shred of doubt about this."

Clarke looked down at the envelope in her lap, letting her hand that was on Lexa's cheek fall to pick at the paper's edges. "Okay. Okay, I'll read it."

Lexa smiled encouragingly before pushing herself up the bed, leaning her back against the headrest. She spread her legs and reached her arms out to Clarke. Clarke climbed up the bed to sit between Lexa's legs, her back pressed to Lexa's front, as Lexa's arms came around her middle to hold them together.

"Ready?" Lexa asked.

Nodding, Clarke pulled the letter out of the envelope, eyes immediately darting down to the ' _Love, Costia_ ' scrawled at the bottom of the page. She fought off the urge to roll her eyes at the signature. The girl definitely seemed sure of herself.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's neck, noticing that her eyes were frozen on the bottom of the page. "Read it, love."

Clarke nodded jerkily, dragging her eyes back up the page to actually read what Lexa's ex had to say.

It didn't take her long to read through it. Honestly, there wasn't much to the letter at all. The girl seemed to assume that she didn't have to say much to get Lexa to crawl back to her. Clarke scowled at the thought, glaring down at the signature again.

"Breathe," Lexa whispered in her ear. Clarke took a deep breath, not having noticed that she had been holding her breath in anger. Not anger at Lexa. Lexa was being wonderful. Not even necessarily anger at the fact that her ex-girlfriend tried to get back in touch with her. Clarke was certain that she'd have a hard time getting over Lexa if they ever broke up, too. She was more angry that this girl (for Clarke refused to believe that this person could be considered mature enough to be called a woman), had the audacity to believe that she still had Lexa wrapped around her little finger. That Lexa would actually go running back to her with just a few sweet words and quick apologies. Even going so far as to leave her number at the bottom for Lexa to call.

Clarke rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, letting her head fall back on Lexa's shoulder as she took a few deep breaths. She shouldn't let herself get worked up over this. She didn't even know Lexa's ex-girlfriend, or the circumstances surrounding their split. She _did_ know, however, that Lexa was her's now. Not that she'd consider Lexa property or anything of the sort, but they were together. Lexa's arms were wrapped around _her_ , not Costia. Lexa had spent the past two nights at _Clarke's_ house, not with her ex-girlfriend. Her ex-girlfriend who was in the past. The ex-girlfriend that Lexa had no plans of contacting.

Her body relaxed against Lexa as she let the letter fall from her hands. She rested her now empty hands on Lexa's against her sides, arms crossing over Lexa's. "Thank you," she whispered into the quiet bedroom.

Lexa pressed another kiss to Clarke's neck. "There's nothing to worry about," she promised against the skin of Clarke's neck.

Clarke tilted her head to the side, turning slightly to lock eyes with Lexa. "I know," she said confidently before leaning in to press a kiss to Lexa's lips. Lexa hummed at the touch, her hand coming up to tangle in Clarke's hair and hold their lips together just a moment longer.

When they broke apart, Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke's, both of their eyes closed as they basked in the feeling of each other. "She means nothing to me," Lexa whispered against Clarke's lips.

"I know," Clarke whispered back, equally as soft. Lexa pressed another gentle kiss to her lips.

"You mean everything to me," Lexa said, squeezing Clarke to her tighter. Clarke nodded, her forehead still pressed to Lexa's. Lexa pressed another lingering kiss to Clarke's lips. "I mean it, Clarke. This," she pulled away from Clarke and grabbed the letter, holding it up in front of them. "This means nothing to me. Actually..." She held the letter between her hands and tore it in two. Then she tore it again. And again. And again. She kept tearing the letter apart until it was nothing but tiny pieces of paper littered on the sheets of her bed. She quickly brushed them off onto the floor. "There. Nothing."

Clarke stared down at the floor where the pieces of Costia's letter lay. She then turned around and kissed Lexa soundly, her hands coming up to cup Lexa's cheeks. Lexa grabbed at Clarke's wrists, almost as if she was anchoring herself to Clarke. Without another thought, Clarke moved to straddle Lexa's thighs, drawing Lexa's bottom lip into her mouth.

"Thank you," Clarke mumbled against Lexa's lips after letting go. Lexa didn't let her move too far away, instead grasping at Clarke's waist and flipping them over so she was laying on Clarke. She leaned up so she could take all of Clarke in underneath her.

"It's you. It will always be you. I will always choose you," Lexa promised, staring down at Clarke intensely. Clarke nodded and reached up to pull Lexa back down to her.

The rest of the night was spent sharing whispered promises against bare skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! Now you know what was in the letter (the suspense didn't last long, did it?). And now we get to see all the repercussions of said letter and all of the other shenanigans that our favorite couple gets into. 
> 
> Leave me comments/kudos/requests and I will be forever appreciative. Also, you can come find me on tumblr @musiclurv and it'll be a great time. See you later in the week!


	24. Like a Drum Baby Don't Stop Beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stress, naps, and bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of the week, my friends. Enjoy!

Lexa was honestly starting to get worried.

It had been a couple of weeks since Costia's letter had shown up, and Clarke was immersing herself in her school work even more than usual. Which, in any normal circumstance, Lexa wouldn't find too worrisome. Clarke was studying to become a doctor, after all. That took a lot of studying and dedication.

But when Lexa had to go more than a few days without seeing Clarke for even a few minutes, she felt that she had a reason to be slightly worried.

True, they were still texting, though Clarke's responses always seemed rushed, as if she was distracted by something else. And Clarke _had_ reassured Lexa that her classes were just starting to weigh more on her than usual. So Lexa really didn't have anything to worry about.

Right?

She thought she was probably more worried about Clarke's health than anything else at this point. More often than not, Clarke's last 'goodnight' text would be sent around four or five in the morning. And with Clarke having to be awake for her classes no later than eight most days, Lexa was worried that her girlfriend wasn't getting as much rest as she needed.

Not to mention Clarke's tendency of falling asleep on Lexa any time they were relaxing together even before this mad rush of coursework that Clarke found herself drowning in.

So yeah, Lexa was worried about her girlfriend.

"Hey, you."

Lexa was startled from her thoughts and her absentminded doodling, looking up from her desk in the library to find the very person she was just thinking about leaning over the counter.

The first thing Lexa noticed were the dark circles under Clarke's eyes. The second was the way Clarke was resting her head in her hand, as if it weighed too much to hold up without additional support.

Clarke's hair was up in a messy bun on top of her head, an oversized, worn university hoodie covering what Lexa could see of her. The blonde fought off a yawn as Lexa took in the sight of her.

It took Lexa a few moments to see the two cups of coffee sitting on the counter.

Lexa stood from her seat, leaning over to press a kiss to Clarke's cheek. "Hey," she breathed as she pulled back, reaching for the cup of coffee that wasn't in Clarke's hand.

"Oh, no. That's mine, too. I'll get you a cup in a minute," Clarke said quickly, snatching the other cup from Lexa and pulling it to her chest before taking a sip from the cup that Lexa had assumed was Clarke's to begin with.

"That bad, huh?" Lexa asked, sitting down and looking up at Clarke. Clarke sighed heavily, letting her forehead fall to her forearm that was was resting on the countertop.

"You have no idea, Lex. I feel like the walking dead." Clarke's voice was barely loud enough for Lexa to hear, the blonde's usual gravelly tone even rougher than normal.

Lexa furrowed her brows and pursed her lips as she watched Clarke. She clearly had every reason to worry about her girlfriend.

"I should probably be the one buying you coffee then, huh?" Lexa asked, tilting her head and smiling softly when Clarke looked up at her. Lexa felt a pang in her chest at how tired Clarke really, truly looked. She was going to end up killing herself at this rate.

Clarke let her body sag against the counter. "I'm going to just..." She pointed down and let her body drop to the floor with a soft thud. Lexa stood immediately, quickly making her way around the counter to make sure that Clarke hadn't hurt herself.

"Clarke, are you--" Lexa cut herself off when she made it around the desk to see Clarke curled up in a ball on the floor, her back pressing into the wood of the library's front desk. "Oh, baby..." Lexa cooed, kneeling down next to Clarke's head and pushing Clarke's overflowing school bag out of her way. She scratched at Clarke's scalp gently and watched as Clarke's body seemed to melt into the floor.

Clarke mumbled something unintelligible into her arms that were wrapped protectively around her face.

"Do you want to at least get on the other side of the desk?"

Clarke shook her head vehemently. Clearly she was not willing to move unless she absolutely had to.

Lexa smiled softly down at her. Honestly, the things she did for this woman.

With a slight huff, Lexa stood up straight, turning to march to the staff room with a quick, "I'll be right back." She thought she heard something like a recognition of Clarke having heard her, but she didn't turn back to find out for sure.

Lexa quickly made her way back to where she knew Monroe was waiting for her shift to start. "Hey, Monroe."

The girl looked up from the book she was reading as Lexa walked into the room. "Hey, Lexa. What's up?"

"Do you think you could start your shift early? I have a bit of a situation to take care of." Lexa looked back out into the library, checking for any movement around the front desk. She chuckled at the thought of Clarke still laying on the floor in front of the desk.

Monroe put a bookmark into her book, tossing it back into her bag after. "Uh, yeah. Sure. I can definitely do that." She stood from her chair, following Lexa as she turned to head back out into the library.

"You're a life saver. And I actually mean that more literally than you probably think," Lexa explained as she walked up to her desk and grabbed her bag off the floor. Monroe watched on curiously as Lexa walked around the desk and stooped onto the floor. "Alright, backpack." She picked up Clarke's backpack and threw it onto her free shoulder. "And now..." With a swift tug, Lexa pulled Clarke to her feet, steadying the blonde as she stumbled up.

Clarke whined dramatically, letting her head fall to Lexa's shoulder.

"Uhm, is she alright?" Monroe asked from Lexa's usual seat as she watched Clarke sway on her feet. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's middle, waiting for her to steady herself a bit.

"I think so. This," she jutted her chin at Clarke, "is the life you are currently saving. So, if you don't need me for anything else, I'm going to take her home before she dies of sleep deprivation. There's a couple of coffees there for you, if you'd like." Lexa looked pointedly at the two cups on the counter.

"No," Clarke whined, reaching blindly behind her for her coffee. "I need those."

"Uh-uh. No more coffee for you today." Lexa grabbed Clarke's arm and pulled it down to her side before she could accidentally knock one of the cups over. "We're going to get you home and in bed."

"I didn't realize you wanted to get me in bed that badly," Clarke teased. Lexa felt Clarke's lips quirk up in a smirk against her neck and rolled her eyes. At least she was coherent enough to make bad jokes.

Monroe giggled from her seat, watching the two interact. Lexa knew that her coworker hadn't ever seen her in a situation even remotely like this before, as she usually kept it professional at work. But Clarke's current situation called for a bit of a different approach.

"Alright, time to go," Lexa grunted, leaning down and swinging Clarke into her arms bridal style.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders, her face remaining buried in Lexa's neck. "I still have work to get done today, Lex," Clarke mumbled without conviction. "I have a paper..." she trailed off when a yawn interrupted her. "A paper due by Friday," she finished quietly.

"You can work on that after a long nap," Lexa said, her voice gentle as she looked down on the woman in her arms. Clarke was already half asleep against her, now that she didn't need to keep herself standing. "Thanks again, Monroe." Lexa looked up to find Monroe still watching them with a smile.

"It's really not a problem. Now get your girl home before she passes out in the middle of the library."

Lexa chuckled and gave Monroe a swift nod before turning and making her way slowly out of the library.

Clarke was asleep before Lexa even made it to her car. Meaning that Lexa had to maneuver Clarke's deadweight into the passenger seat as gently as she could in an attempt to not wake her sleeping girlfriend up. She knew she'd have to wake Clarke up to get her back out of the car and up to her apartment, but she'd rather wait until then if she could.

Lexa buckled Clarke in and made her way over to the driver's side, climbing in herself and starting her car up. She'd take Clarke back to her apartment, knowing that Clarke would sleep better in her own bed than she would in Lexa's. And Raven would probably be upset if Clarke didn't make it home tonight without any sort of warning. The roommates tried to keep each other informed of their whereabouts as much as possible, though being college students sometimes made that difficult.

It didn't take long at all for Lexa to pull up to Clarke's apartment complex, though the only spots left open were almost completely across the parking lot. With a sigh, Lexa pulled into the closest one to the building she could find, putting the car into park and turning to her knocked out girlfriend who was snoring lightly against the passenger side door.

She decided to leave her own bag in the car, pulling Clarke's from the back as she got out of the driver's seat. When she opened the passenger's door, Clarke almost fell out of her seat. If it weren't for her seatbelt, Lexa was sure that she would have.

Lexa pushed Clarke back into an upright seated position, cradling one of her cheeks in her hand. "Clarke, love. You need to wake up for just a minute."

Clarke grumbled and tried to push Lexa's hand away in her less than half awake state.

"I just need you to stand up out of the car. Can you do that for me?" Lexa coerced, reaching over and unbuckling Clarke. She pulled Clarke's legs so that she was sitting sideways in her seat. "There you go, almost there. Can you help me by standing up?"

Clarke leaned forward, letting her upper body fall into Lexa's waiting arms. Lexa chuckled as Clarke's forehead fell to her shoulder.

"Alright, we're almost there. Ready?" Clarke barely nodded, but Lexa took it as consent to pull her out of the car and up to her feet. "There you go. Now we're just going to step to your right just a bit..." She nudged Clarke's feet down the side of the car, pushing the door closed after they were clear of its swing. "Okay. We're getting there. Are you ready for a bit of a ride?"

Clarke mumbled into Lexa's shoulder, reaching up drowsily to wrap her arms around Lexa's neck. Clearly she understood enough to know that Lexa was about to pick her up again.

Lexa rolled her eyes fondly before she reached down and gathered Clarke into her arms once again. She looked up at the large apartment complex, slightly dreading the long walk to Clarke's apartment.

With a sigh, Lexa began to slowly make her way across the parking lot.

"You're lucky I love you," Lexa grumbled, keeping her eyes on the gravel in front of her so that she wouldn't trip on anything.

"I know," Clarke whispered into Lexa's neck, pressing a soft kiss to it and tightening her arms, content to fall back asleep in Lexa's safe arms.

* * *

 

"Open up, Reyes!" Lexa called through the closed apartment door. She kicked at it in leu of knocking as her arms were already shaking from carrying Clarke. She didn't want to risk trying to balance her girlfriend and knock at the same time.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Raven yelled from inside the apartment. Lexa could hear her shuffling closer, her injured leg slightly dragging as she made her way down the hall.

Lexa shifted Clarke in her arms as best as she could, trying to keep her arms from giving out.

Raven's eyes widened immediately when she pulled the door open to see Lexa carrying a knocked out Clarke. "What did you do to her?" she asked, though she quickly moved aside for Lexa to make her way inside and back toward Clarke's room. She managed to pull Clarke's bag off of Lexa's shoulder with only a slight struggle, depositing it in the hallway before following her down the hall.

Lexa didn't hesitate to walk straight back to Clarke's room, bypassing the couch in the living room for somewhere she knew Clarke would be more comfortable. "The only thing I did was get her back here after she stumbled into the library half awake. Apparently Clarke here," she set Clarke down on the bed where the blonde quickly rolled over and clung to her pillow, "thought it was a wise idea to wear herself out so much that she couldn't even stay awake long enough to drive herself home." Lexa kept her voice low as to not wake Clarke (though she was pretty sure that not even a train coming through her room would wake Clarke up at this point). She pulled the blanket out from under her, tucking Clarke in. When she was confident that her girlfriend was comfortably asleep, Lexa stood up and faced Raven.

Raven watched the whole event with an amused grin on her face. This honestly wasn't the first time that Clarke worked herself so hard that she passed out in some random location. It was, however, the first time that she'd had someone who cared enough about her to bring her home.

With a tilt of her head, Raven motioned for them to exit Clarke's room. Lexa followed obediently, looking back in on Clarke before she closed the door behind them with a soft click.

"Thanks for bringing her home. I'm sure she probably could have slept contently in the library, though," Raven chuckled as she led them into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please," Lexa agreed, leaning back against the counter. "She absolutely was sleeping contently in the library. But I thought it ill advised to let her continue sleeping on the floor in front of the main desk."

"She didn't even make it to one of the beanbag chairs?" Raven asked as she handed Lexa a mug full of coffee.

Lexa tilted her head up in thanks. "Not even close. I'm surprised she even made it into the library, to be honest. And with two cups of coffee."

Raven barked a laugh. "I'm sure neither were for you, right?" Lexa chuckled before shaking her head and taking a sip of her coffee. "Well, you're here now, and you have coffee. So why don't you stick around? I'm sure the princess would love to see you here whenever she wakes up,"

"If she wakes up today," Lexa said with a chuckle. "But sure, I'll do that. Just let me run back to my car real quick to grab my bag."

* * *

 

It was already dark outside when Clarke finally stumbled out of her room. She hit her shoulder against the doorframe as she tried to rub the sleep from her eyes. With a tired glare at the rude, inanimate object, Clarke continued to shuffle down the hall and into the kitchen. She went straight for the coffee pot, finding it filled with a fresh brewed dark roast.

With a moan of pleasure, Clarke poured herself a cup, adding a bit of cream and sugar, before she made her way out into the living room to find her roommate.

"Thanks for making coffee, Rae," she mumbled, her feet dragging against the carpet as she turned into the living room. She definitely wasn't expecting to find both Raven and Lexa looking up at her as she stumbled in. Raven lay sprawled on the couch, the end of a highlighter between her teeth and a textbook propped up by her bent knee. Lexa sat on the floor with her back against the couch, her laptop open on the coffee table in front of her.

"You're awake," Lexa said, her face brightening up at the realization. She hopped to her feet quickly, walking over to Clarke who was still standing in the entrance to the living room in confusion. Lexa cupped Clarke's elbows, leaning down slightly to be at Clarke's eye level. "How are you feeling?" she asked gently, her thumbs rubbing the skin of Clarke's arms.

"A lot better," Clarke admitted, looking over Lexa's shoulder to shoot a questioning glance at Raven before she met Lexa's eyes again. "I didn't think you'd stay after dropping me off."

Lexa shrugged, letting go of Clarke's arms. "I wasn't planning on it, to be honest. But Raven suggested it, and I did have some work that I needed to get done. And, believe it or not, you're apartment is much quieter than mine when Anya's home."

"And I knew you'd be grumpy if you woke up and Lexa wasn't still here," Raven added with a smug grin.

"I wouldn't be grumpy," Clarke pouted, walking over to plop down on the couch as Lexa resumed her previous position on the floor. She pulled her legs up so they were partially folded under her.

"Your cursing at the doorframe would suggest otherwise," Raven deadpanned. She raised her eyebrows at Clarke, daring her to deny her bad mood when she woke up without Lexa in the bed with her.

And Clarke _was_ confused when she woke up alone in her bed. Naturally. Because Lexa had carried her to bed, and the last thing she vaguely remembered was being placed down on the soft mattress and Lexa brushing some hair out of her face. So thinking that her girlfriend was going to stay with her wasn't so far fetched.

"It's okay, babe," Lexa consoled, patting Clarke's knee as she distractedly read over what she had written on her computer. "I'm sure Raven would have been grumpy if she was in the same situation."

Raven scoffed. "As if. We all know that I wouldn't ever be in that position. I refuse to work myself to the bone, unlike some people. Super dedication is overrated. Why kill yourself trying to get something done today that could wait until tomorrow?" She shrugged as if nothing else could possible make any more sense.

"I feel like there was some sort of compliment hidden in there," Clarke said, eyeing her friend on the other side of the couch.

Raven only shrugged again, eyes glued to her text book as she highlighted a section of text. "I only state the truth."

"Hm," Clarke hummed, sipping from her coffee as she held the cup with both hands, letting the heat seep into her skin. She nudged Raven with her foot. "You're selling yourself short."

"What?" Raven asked, not looking up from her book.

Lexa looked over her shoulder at Clarke, a soft smile gracing her features. Clarke smiled back before looking to her friend again.

"You're selling yourself short. Really, you're one of the hardest working people I know." She watched as Raven tried to appear unaffected, her highlighter hovering over the page of her book. Her cheeks reddened slightly as she scoffed with an eye roll. "Pretend all you want, but I know the truth. You can't go to bed until you finish whatever project you're enthralled with at the moment. Speaking of, I see you fixed the coffee maker finally."

"And it brews three times faster," Raven mumbled, sinking down into the couch and bending her knee up farther to angle the book so that it blocked Clarke from seeing her.

"Exactly." Clarke smiled at her friend even though she couldn't see her anymore. Raven really was one of the hardest working people she had ever met. After her accident, she didn't let her leg injury keep her from doing what she wanted. She worked night and day on her physical therapy until she could walk mostly normal again. And she kept up on her school work on top of that. Really, Clarke was amazed by her friend's persistence and dedication when it came to something she was passionate about. Not to mention the fact that she was already working on a Master's degree while everyone else their age was still working on their Bachelor's. And working part time at an engineering company. She was a genius.

Clarke looked down when she felt Lexa's head fall back against her knee that was pulled up on the couch. Lexa was looking at her with such love and admiration that Clarke felt herself melt on the spot. She pulled one hand from her warm mug and brushed it through Lexa's loose hair, pushing stray strands out of her face.

Lexa's gaze softened, her lips parting to mouth out ' _I love you_.'

Clarke smiled and leant down to press a kiss to Lexa's forehead. When she leaned back, she pulled her hand from the brunette's hair and placed her cup on the coffee table.

"Now, what'd you do with my bag, Lex? I have work to do." She stood from the couch in search of her bag.

" _Overachiever_ ," Raven coughed. With a laugh, Lexa pointed to the hallway where Clarke could find her bag waiting for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it. Lexa taking care of her sleepy little girlfriend. And some bonding. So good times, right?
> 
> For all of those that are having a rough go of it today (for political/safety reasons as well as for anything else that may be going on), I just want to say that I hope you're all okay. We're going to make it through whatever comes our way, and will be stronger because of it. It'll be tough for a while, but know that I'm here for you all, whether you want to seek me out to chat or just through my writing that hopefully makes you smile even a little. 
> 
> That being said, you can leave your comments/requests/kudos below. And, if you do wish to get in touch, the easiest way is through tumblr @musiclurv. Or you can message me on here, if you want to. Whatever works for y'all.
> 
> Ste yuj, ai lukot.


	25. You Look Like the Songs that I've Heard My Whole Life Comin' True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke takes a breather, Raven is Raven, and the girls get ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance for this being super short. I didn't have time to read through and edit more because of my classes and work, but I wanted to put up at least something for you guys. Thanks for being patient with me!

Clarke fell down onto her couch dramatically, limbs flopping to lay where they may. She had just finished her rough draft of her final thesis paper and sent it to be looked over by her professor. And with the weight of that off of her shoulders, she was ready for some much needed relaxation. She let her eyes fall closed as she leaned her head back on the back of the couch, enjoying the silence of the apartment.

"Get up and get ready to go out," Raven demanded as she barged through the front door.

_So much for silence and relaxation._

Clarke rolled her head on the back of the couch to watch as Raven walked into the living room. "And why am I getting up and getting ready to go out?"

Raven rolled her eyes and walked over to grab Clarke's arms to try to tug her off the couch. Clarke adamantly resisted, bracing her feet against the floor to give her some extra support.

"You're getting up and ready because we're going out. All of us. It's been way too long since we've all gone out together, and now you're done with your paper and have no excuse to not go out." Raven gave a sharp tug, pulling Clarke halfway up before Clarke jerked herself back down onto the couch. Raven fell with her, falling into a heap across Clarke and the couch.

"I'm not technically done with my paper. Far from it, actually. And I do have other things to do for my other classes." She looked over at Raven where she had fallen and remained. Raven turned onto her back, stretching out across the couch with her legs in Clarke's lap.

"That can all wait. You're coming with us. You have no choice in the matter."

"What happened to consent being one-hundred percent necessary in every situation?"

"Clarke. You're coming with. You need a night to let loose." Raven stared Clarke down, her eyes daring Clarke to try to continue refusing to go out.

Clarke let her head fall back on the couch again, closing her eyes with a sigh. "I really just want to stay in tonight, Rae."

"You can invite Lexa to come along," Raven bribed.

Clarke's eyes popped open as she thought that over. Seeing Lexa out at a club was a rather enticing thought. While Clarke had seen Lexa relaxed, she had yet to see her let loose. And she really wouldn't mind dancing with her girlfriend.

"You make a compelling argument," Clarke conceded thoughtfully. She crossed her arms and glared at the ceiling. "I guess I can relax tomorrow."

"Yes!" Raven cheered, jumping up off the couch and pumping her fist in the air. She quickly pulled out her phone to shoot off a text. "You were the deciding factor for everyone else. So, now that you're definitely going, the whole gang will." She hit send and put her phone back into her pocket.

Clarke felt her phone vibrate and pulled it out to see the text notification for a group text.

**Raven (6:26 PM): Get your asses in gear! We're going clubbing!!**

"Really, Rae?" Clarke asked, her eyebrow quirked at her friend's enthusiasm.

Raven shrugged and started to walk back to her room. "Like I said, it was all riding on you. I knew you'd come, though." She turned back to look at Clarke who was still sitting on the couch. "You saw the text. Get your ass up and get ready."

Clarke groaned and looked at her phone again when she felt it vibrate multiple times.

**Bellamy (6:28 PM): You got the princess to agree to go out? Impressive.**

**Jasper (6:28 PM): SWEET!! Monty & I were going 2 go out anyway tho :P**

**Octavia (6:29 PM): We're back, bitches!!!**

**Lexa (6:30 PM): ...Why am I in this conversation?**

Clarke chuckled at her girlfriend's text and her clear confusion. She didn't even know that Raven had gotten Lexa's number (probably by digging through Clarke's phone).

**Clarke (6:31 PM): Sorry, babe. Raven set up the group. Do you want to go out with us? It's totally okay if you don't.**

She chewed on her lip while she waited for a response, hoping that Lexa would agree to go out.

**Raven (6:32 PM): So cute. You're still going if she says no, Clarkey. Don't make me come out there to get your ass off the couch.**

**Lexa (6:34 PM): Sure, I'll tag along. What time are we aiming for here?**

"Raven!" Clarke yelled to get her roommate's attention. She didn't even have to ask the question, Raven having seen the text herself while she was getting ready.

"Eight," Raven shouted back. "We can meet at the same bar as last time."

**Clarke (6:36 PM): I was just told 8. Do you want to come by here around 7:45 and we can drive together?**

**Murphy (6:37 PM): Where's my offer of a ride, princess?**

**Bellamy (6:37 PM): Yeah, I want a ride.**

**Jasper (6:38 PM): O me 2! Clarke's DD!**

**Octavia (6:40 PM): I highly doubt that Clarke wants to share her car with all you idiots.**

**Raven (6:41 PM): Especially on the way home after she's gotten a little drunk and a little handsy, if you know what I mean ;)**

Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend's antics. They were the biggest group of idiots that she had ever known. As she was about to type out a response, Lexa finally answered her question.

**Lexa (6:43 PM): Well with that little bit of information, how could I refuse? ;)**

**Lexa (6:44 PM): But maybe I should drive.**

Clarke could hear Raven laughing in her room from where she still sat on the couch.

**Clarke (6:45 PM): Fair enough. See you soon, love.**

**Bellamy (6:46 PM): Gross.**

**Harper (6:46 PM): It's cute.**

**Murphy (6:47 PM): Double gross.**

**Monty (6:47 PM): Leave them be, you jerks.**

**Murphy (6:48 PM): Stay in your lane.**

**Bellamy (6:48 PM): It is gross, though.**

**Jasper (6:49 PM): Dont be an ass Murph.**

**Octavia (6:50 PM): Would you all just get ready? You can argue over Clexa's cuteness all you want once we're at the bar.**

Clarke pushed herself off the couch, not bothering to get back into that conversation. She still had to shower and get dressed before Lexa got to her apartment. And, if she wanted to look extra hot with the prospect of Lexa going out with her, she really couldn't be blamed. After all, it wasn't a sin to want to look hot for her girlfriend.

**Raven (7:02 PM): Look at my lady, laying down the law. Shutting all the guys up.**

* * *

 

Lexa pulled up to Clarke's apartment complex at 7:42 and quickly found a parking spot. Of course she could find a spot closer to the front when she wasn't carrying her girlfriend inside. She rolled her eyes at the thought.

Quickly making her way up to Clarke's apartment, Lexa did one more once over of herself, running her hands over her dark green dress to make sure that it lay correctly just past her mid-thigh. She pulled her hair over one shoulder, her curls falling smoothly, before pulling her phone out to check her reflection once more. Honestly, she didn't usually care this much about her appearance when going out, but for Clarke, she wanted to put in the extra effort.

Satisfied with her appearance, Lexa knocked on Clarke's door. She shuffled in her heels nervously as she waited for Clarke or Raven to answer.

Instead of either of them pulling the door open, however, Lexa was met with Octavia.

"Holy shit," Octavia muttered as she looked Lexa up and down. Lexa crossed her arms, amused at Octavia's clear appraisal.

Raven walked up behind Octavia, grabbing her arm before leading her back into the apartment. Lexa followed, her heals clacking against the hardwood floor.

"Clarke, come get your girlfriend before mine does something she'll regret," Raven called toward the back of the apartment where Clarke was presumably finishing getting ready in her room.

"Be right out!" Clarke called.

"You know," Raven began, looking Lexa over as well, "if I knew you were going to go all out, I may have tried a little harder." She looked down at her own skinny jeans and strapless top.

Octavia leaned over and pressed a kiss to Raven's cheek. "You look great, babe."

"She says after almost drooling over our best friend's girlfriend," Raven said with a roll of her eyes.

"Who's drooling over my girlfriend?" Clarke asked, putting her earring in as she walked into the living room where they had all congregated. She stopped mid motion when she caught sight of Lexa.

Lexa wasn't doing much better with her own reaction.

Clarke was in a tight red strapless dress that hugged all the right parts of her body. The necklace she wore drew the eyes to her chest, and Lexa had to fight herself to look up and meet Clarke's eyes.

When she did look up, Clarke was definitely not looking at her face either.

Lexa cleared her throat, a smug smirk in place.

"Pick your jaw up, Griffin," Raven mocked, walking between the couple to go grab her purse off the kitchen counter. "Are we all ready now?"

"Yep," Octavia said excitedly, going over to Raven to grab her hand.

"You look fantastic," Clarke said softly as she walked up to Lexa and took her hand. She used her free hand to reach up and push an errant curl behind Lexa's ear.

Lexa let her eyes trail down Clarke's form again before speaking. "You're stunning."

"Do we really have to go out?" Clarke asked, her voice husky and her eyes dark with a hunger that Lexa was growing accustomed to (though her excitement at the look never dwindled).

"Your friends are expecting you to make an appearance. And we did get all dressed up already," Lexa said, though she was definitely considering taking Clarke back to her bedroom instead of out the front door.

"We _did_ get all dressed up," Raven said, clearly impatient where she stood in the hall with Octavia. "Now would you two come on. I want to go show off and dance with my incredibly sexy girlfriend." She twirled Octavia under her arm, causing Octavia's flowing black dress to ripple out.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. We're coming." She pressed a quick kiss to Lexa's lips, careful not to smudge Lexa's lipstick. "But later..." she whispered suggestively into Lexa's ear.

Lexa felt a shiver run down her spine as Clarke grabbed her other hand and pulled her to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the next chapter will be longer (though I'm not promising at this point). School has been crazy busy and I haven't had time to do any writing/editing at all between that and work. And with the Women's March and a fundraiser I went to this past weekend, I just didn't have time to focus on this. So I am really sorry, but life is damanding.
> 
> Anyway, our dorks are going to be having the time of their lives coming up and it'll be a good time had by all. That, at least, will be up later this week. So keep an eye out for it!
> 
> As always, comments/kudos/requests are welcomed and cherished. I will love them forever. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv


	26. I Say We Lose Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Club time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of the week. Enjoy!

The bass was pounding; they could hear it from the parking lot of the bar. All of Clarke's friends were gathered in a group outside the building, huddled together to fight off the slight chill of the night, a chill that she was sure they'd all be thankful for after spending a few hours dancing in the warm bar. Clarke hooked her arm through Lexa's, pulling them closer together.

"Ready to meet everyone?" Clarke asked, looking up to meet Lexa's eyes. The shock of green she was met with was even more vibrant, the color being drawn out by the dark green of her dress.

Lexa took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly, before she gave Clarke a quick nod. "Let's do this."

Clarke chuckled, finding Lexa's nerves both cute and unnecessary. Her friends may seem slightly intimidating, but honestly they were all a bunch of harmless dorks. Sure, they could be a bit overwhelming at times, but it was pretty easy to get used to after a while.

They walked behind Raven and Octavia as they made their way over to the group. Bellamy elbowed Murphy and pointed over to the four walking over, which led to every head in the group looking over at them. Clarke rolled her eyes at their lack of any tact at all.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine. I mean, you have already shot them all before," she tried to reassure Lexa with the light teasing. She let her hand trail down Lexa's forearm to tangle their fingers together before giving Lexa's hand a comforting squeeze.

"It's about time you all got here. We've been freezing our asses off out here waiting for you four." Bellamy's form of greeting was seriously lacking.

"Sorry. Some of us got a bit distracted right before we headed out," Raven explained, shooting Clarke and Lexa a look that didn't go missed by anyone.

"You gonna introduce us, princess?" Murphy asked from where he was leaning against the brick wall.

Clarke sighed and pulled Lexa a bit closer to the gathered group. "Alright, everyone. This is Lexa. Lexa, meet Bellamy, Murphy, Miller, Harper, Maya and..." she pointed at each person as she named them, but paused as she looked around for her two missing friends. "Ah, the two suspicious ones at the back are Jasper and Monty. Don't accept any drinks from them." Lexa looked at Clarke nervously, the slight fear clear in her eyes.

"Hey! Our drinks are perfectly acceptable," Jasper argued, perking up at the mention of his name. He lifted his head so he could see over everyone in front of him and glared at Clarke.

"Perfectly acceptable if you want to be knocked on your ass." Clarke leaned up toward Lexa conspiratorially, though she kept her voice loud enough for everyone around them to hear. "They like to sneak in their own version of moonshine. And mix it with people's drinks when they aren't paying attention."

Monty and Jasper pushed to the front of the group so they were standing closer to Clarke and Lexa. "It's helps with the taste. And with the nerves, if you know what I mean," Monty nudged Lexa's bicep with his elbow. When she just stared at him blankly he cleared his throat and moved away. "Anyway, are we ready to go in?"

Monty lead the way toward the entrance of the bar, everyone following behind dutifully.

Bellamy pushed his way between Clarke and Lexa, throwing an arm over both of their shoulders. "Seeing as my favorite little princess finished her paper tonight, I'm going to pay your cover charge. You're welcome."

Clarke quirked an eyebrow at him. "How very nice of you. What's the catch?"

Bellamy gasped and pulled his arms away abruptly, covering her heart with his hands. "I'm insulted that you would even imply such a thing."

Clarke just waited patiently for him to crack. The three of them stood at the end of the line waiting to get into the bar, their friends in front of them talking amongst themselves.

Bellamy sighed dramatically and let his hands fall before smiling what he considered to be a charming smile. "If I just happened to get a dance with you tonight, I wouldn't complain."

With a roll of her eyes, Clarke opened her mouth to shoot Bellamy down once again. "See, I knew--"

She was cut off by an arm wrapping around her stomach, a warm body pressing into her back. Lexa splayed her hand over Clarke's side and pulled her tight against her chest. "All dances are already claimed and accounted for."

Clarke looked over her shoulder to see Lexa glaring daggers at Bellamy, any sign of the timid Lexa gone without a trace. Lexa leant down to press a kiss to Clarke's neck, though she kept her eyes locked on Bellamy.

Bellamy raised his hands up in surrender, backing away from the couple. "Got it. See you inside, Clarke," he said as he turned and disappeared into their group of friends, presumably to find Murphy. The two were usually pretty inseparable.

Lexa's breath ghosted over Clarke's neck where she had yet to move her mouth away. Her grip tightened around Clarke's waist before she placed one last kiss on Clarke's neck and stood up straight.

"Lex," Clarke said, her tone slightly admonishing. She turned in Lexa's arm and wrapped her own arms around Lexa's neck.

"Clarke," Lexa responded, her tone clipped and short. It may have been meant to be a question, but it definitely didn't sound like one. And with that tone, Clarke knew her girlfriend was beyond frustrated with the situation. She really didn't have any reason to be. That was just how Bellamy was, not that Lexa would know that having just met him.

With another sigh, Clarke leaned up and pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek. "Bellamy's just a friend," she explained as she settled back on her heels. "He asks every time we go out, and every time I say no. It's more of a tradition than anything now."

"And him paying for you?" Lexa asked with a quirk of her brow, challenging.

"Completely friendly. He pays for everyone that's accomplished something pretty big. It's his way of saying he's proud without actually having to say anything."

"Clarke, get up here if you want me to pay for you!" Bellamy called from where he was standing by the bouncer. "Lexa, I'll get your cover, too. As a welcome gift."

Lexa looked over Clarke's shoulder to where Bellamy was waving them over. She looked back at Clarke to see an amused smirk. "See? He's a big softy that likes to spoil people. Now come on," she said, dropping her arms from Lexa's shoulders to grab her hand instead. She led them over to Bellamy, where he was already handing the bouncer enough money to cover the three of them.

"Thanks, Bell," Clarke said, following Bellamy into the bar.

Bellamy shrugged, eyes darting quickly to Lexa before looking away again. "No problem," he said gruffly.

"If it was no problem, you'd pay for your little sister. But here I am, paying for myself," Octavia grumbled as she walked past them. "Just plain rude, if you ask me."

"No one asked you," Bellamy shot back, following his sister as she walked over to the booth their friends were beginning to gather around and in. Clarke and Lexa followed after and took a seat in the booth.

A server came over, taking an order for their first round of drinks.

"Shots!" Raven shouted excitedly.

"Any particular kinds?" the server asked, an amused smile on her face. If Clarke were to guess, she'd say that the server thought Raven was already drunk.

Raven thought about it for a second, but Harper answered for her. "Surprise us. Bartender's choice."

The server nodded and took her tray over to the bar to put in their order. When she came back, her tray was filled with different colored shots. She placed the tray down in the middle of the table and let everyone choose one.

Lexa sniffed at hers, her nose scrunching at the sweet smell. "What is it?" she asked the server. Clarke giggled at her girlfriend's reaction. The scrunched nose was honestly just too cute.

"I honestly have no idea," she laughed. "Jack had some fun making his own creations. Good luck," and with that, she grabbed her tray and turned to go help other customers.

Each of their friends around the table had a shot in their hand, all staring at them somewhat skeptically. Everyone except for Raven, that is. She looked far too eager to try whatever was in her shot glass. "Up, tap, shoot?" she asked excitedly.

Clarke nodded and she saw a few of the others nod as well, no one looking too excited to try their shot without knowing what to expect at all.

"Count of three," Raven announced. Lexa picked her glass back up from where she had placed it on the table with a dejected sigh. "One... Two... Three!" And with that, Raven lifted her glass, lowered it to tap on the table, and brought it to her mouth, shooting it back with one swallow.

Everyone else did the same, with varying reactions. Clarke cringed at the burn as her shot slid down her throat. It was some kind of cinnamon apple shot, and after the first shock, it was actually a pleasant burn.

She looked over at Lexa to see her staring at her empty glass with a surprised look of approval on her face. Clarke nudged her with her elbow, quirking an eyebrow in question. "Good?"

"Surprisingly, very," Lexa admitted, placing her glass on the table. She threw her arm around Clarke's shoulders, sinking a bit into her seat. "Fruity. Almost like... Fruit Loops?" she explained thoughtfully, trying to come up with the right description.

"Taste?" Clarke asked with a mischievous grin. Lexa looked at her in confusion, her head tilting adorably to the side. Without further ado, Clarke leaned forward and pressed her lips to Lexa's, sliding her tongue across Lexa's lower lip. Lexa quickly granted her entrance, and Clarke's tongue explored Lexa's mouth, the faint taste of her shot lingering.

When she pulled back, it was to applause. She looked around the table to see most of them clapping for her.

"Well done!" Jasper shouted, pumping his fist in the air ridiculously.

"You say that now. But you haven't had to walk into the apartment with that going on," Raven said dryly. Octavia nodded her agreement.

Murphy put his elbows on the table, leaning forward against them and staring Clarke and Lexa down. "You know what?" he asked after the few that were still obnoxiously clapping were finished. "I stand by my text earlier. You two really are gross," he finished without further prompting from Clarke or Lexa.

"I don't know. Some people pay to watch girls make out. I'd say it worked out well for us," Bellamy added, leaning back in the booth and stretching out as much as he could while sitting between Octavia and Murphy.

"Technically you did pay for them," Octavia pointed out. She held Raven's hand on the table, playing with her fingers absentmindedly.

"And you know..." Jasper cut in, pointing between Octavia and Raven. "You could see that all the time. Your sister's gay, dude."

"And you just said _exactly_ why that would not be cool. She's my sister, you asshole," Bellamy growled out, glaring at Jasper across the table. "That's just disgusting."

Clarke could see Octavia and Raven plotting quietly with each other while Bellamy got more and more worked up, his rant about not objectifying his baby sister seemingly never ending. They waited for Bellamy to finish his berating of Jasper before acting.

"Well, now that you mention it..." Octavia began, turning and pulling her thigh up into Raven's lap, her leg draping over her. She dragged her finger up Raven's bare collarbone.

"Stop," Bellamy said, pointing at his sister. Clarke could have sworn that his face turned redder by the second as Octavia ignored him. "Stop that. Right now. Octavia!" She thought she could see a vein about to pop in his forehead. He slammed his hand down on the table in frustration.

"Yeah, Octavia. Stop that," Raven said with a smirk. "Let's go dance instead. I want to feel that body all over me. Give 'em a real show." She winked over Octavia's shoulder at Bellamy before pushing Lexa and Clarke out of the booth so she could pull herself and Octavia out. Octavia laughed at the look Bellamy was shooting her, but took Raven's offered hand and let herself be dragged to the dance floor.

Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand before she could slide back into the booth. "We're up now. Wanna dance?" she asked.

Lexa eyed the dance floor and saw their two friends dancing freely. She looked back at Clarke and shrugged with a nod, letting Clarke lead her out to where Raven and Octavia were.

"Took you long enough," Octavia said from her position in front of Raven. She twirled in the girl's arms, bringing their fronts together and sliding down Raven's body a bit.

"We were right behind you," Clarke shot back, turning to face Lexa and starting to dance.

* * *

 

The lights pulsed to the beat of the music, colors flashing in and out of focus. Lexa felt Clarke's back press into her front, her hips moving to the rhythm of the song. She gripped at Clarke's hips, pulling her roughly to her, losing herself in the music.

Clarke turned to face her, their chests pressing together. She threw her arms around Lexa's shoulders, gripping the back of Lexa's neck before pulling her down and drawing her into a heated kiss.

She heard Raven shout something, but couldn't be bothered to care at the moment as Clarke's lips worked against her own. She wedged her leg between Clarke's, relishing the moan that it caused.

"Better be careful where you put that," Clarke warned against Lexa's lips, her eyes closed and her fingers scratching at the nape of Lexa's neck. By the look on Clarke's face, Lexa was certain that she didn't actually want Lexa to stop.

Lexa pulled away slightly, and smirked when Clarke followed, not letting any space develop between them. "That's what I thought," Lexa said, her breath ghosting over Clarke's neck as she moved to place kisses there.

They continued to dance, though Lexa refused to give up her assault on Clarke's neck. She bit down on Clarke's earlobe and smiled triumphantly when Clarke shuddered, "Drinks," her voice breathy.

Lexa pulled away fully, grabbing both of Clarke's hands and leading them over to the bar.

* * *

 

Lexa ordered them both waters when they got to the bar, clearly trying to be the responsible one.

Clarke sat down on the stool beside her with a huff, eyeing the glasses of water. "Not likely," she mumbled before getting the bartender's attention again. "Can I get another shot?" She looked over to Lexa. "Make that two."

The bartender smiled and nodded, reaching below the counter to retrieve two shot glasses. "My choice?" he asked.

Clarke nodded and thanked him after he handed over two different colored shots. She quickly downed her shot and put the glass back on the table. Lexa followed after her, though she adamantly finished her water before she let Clarke drag her away from the bar. "Can we get a party bucket at our table?" Clarke asked the bartender. She pointed to where the table their group had claimed.

The bartender nodded. "I'll send your waitress over with it in a bit. Just one?"

Clarke thought about it for a second and decided that she was far too sober for a night out. "Let's do two. I'm sure everyone will want some. Can I get another shot, too?"

"You got it," he said with an amused shake of his head. He made Clarke another shot before turning and starting to prep their order.

Clarke downed her shot and then led Lexa over to their table, letting her girlfriend sit first. "I'll be right back," Clarke said with a quick peck to Lexa's lips.

She made her way back onto the dance floor, grabbing Octavia's and Raven's hands to get their attention. "Party buckets on the way," she announced. Her friends' eyes lit up in excitement at that. "Let everyone know. We have two coming."

"Got it. Divide and conquer?" Raven asked Octavia. They nodded and split from Clarke, quickly getting lost in the crowd.

Clarke made her way back to the table, sliding in next to Lexa. None of their other friends had stayed there, so she figured they had a few minutes until Raven and Octavia found everyone and gathered them all.

"Ready?" Clarke asked, excitement evident in her tone.

Lexa eyed her. "Ready for what, exactly?" she asked.

Clarke looked over her shoulder to see their waitress making her way back over with two big buckets in her hands, multiple straws sticking out of each one. "Party buckets," she answered with an excited grin. She pulled one of the buckets to them as soon as the waitress left them on the table.

"What's in it?" Lexa turned her doubtful gaze to the bucket as Clarke took a long draw through one of the straws.

Clarke shrugged. "Lots of alcohol, lots of goodness. Very fruity. Try it."

And Lexa did, though cautiously. Clarke couldn't help but find her caution to be kind of cute. Though, if she wanted a night of caution, they would be drinking beers. "Good, right?" Clarke asked, taking another sip herself.

"It's not bad," Lexa admitted, taking another sip. "These are huge, though. I doubt we'll be able to finish them.

Clarke laughed. "You have no idea who you're partying with right now."

"You haven't told her about party girl Griffin?" Raven asked as she scooted into the booth next to them, grabbing one of the straws and taking a sip of the drink.

"Party girl Griffin?" Lexa asked as the rest of their friends joined them.

"Oh yeah. Those are some great stories," Bellamy said as he sat down on the other side of the booth. "You're lucky you met her after she matured a bit."

Clarke stuck her tongue out at her friend. "I've always been mature, you jerk."

"She says as she sticks her tongue out at me," Bellamy shot back with an amused grin.

"ANYWAY," Raven interjected, "back in freshman and sophomore year, if there was a party, Clarke was at it."

"Do we really need to talk about this?" Clarke whined, pout firmly in place. She'd rather not relive her underclassman years at college.

Lexa rubbed Clarke's thigh sympathetically. "Yes we do. Please, tell me more about party girl Griffin." She shot Clarke a playful smirk. Clarke rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat, defeated. She signaled for their server and ordered another round of shots when she got there. Lexa surreptitiously ordered waters for everyone before the server could walk away.

"Griff here was the champion of keg stands. Not to mention beer pong and any chugging contest," Murphy explained.

"And she's probably the only one that would actually take on a dare to chug as much of our moonshine as possible," Jasper added.

"Let me just tell you, that stuff burns," Monty piped in around the straw he was drinking from.

Clarke sat up straighter in her seat when the server came back with their waters and shots. "I'm not ashamed," she announced, throwing back her shot before sipping from the party bucket again. "I could out drink any of you." Yeah, her tolerance had gone down since her hay day. But she could still whip anyone at the table, she was sure.

Raven scoffed. "This coming from the girl that got a monstrous hangover the last time we were here."

"From what I saw, you did have quite a few drinks in you," Lexa added. Clarke looked over at her in confusion. They definitely weren't together the last time the group of them had come to this bar. Lexa's face lit in recognition. "Oh! I never told you about that, did I?" she asked.

Clarke shook her head, focused on her girlfriend while the rest of the group broke off into separate conversations among themselves. She was about to reach for the party bucket again when Lexa gave her a pointed look. She rolled her eyes and sipped at her water instead.

"I saw you here before we met. Actually, just before we met. The night before, specifically. You were dancing out on the floor with Raven and Octavia. I was over there," she pointed at the bar, "with Anya. She definitely worked her way to a bad hangover the next day, too." She chuckled at the memory.

Clarke thought back to that night and couldn't remember having seen Lexa at the bar. "Why didn't you come talk to me?"

Lexa laughed. "That wouldn't have been awkward at all, would it? I didn't know you then. All I knew was that you were an incredibly attractive blonde who seemed to be having the time of her life out with her friends. I was intimidated," she finished with a shrug.

Clarke pulled Lexa's hand into both of hers, becoming more serious than the situation probably called for. But her buzz was telling her that this was something that she _really_ needed Lexa to understand. "Do you realize how ridiculously stunning you are?"

Lexa's cheeks reddened as she listened to Clarke, their eyes locking.

"Because really, if either of us should have been intimidated, it should have been me. You're amazing, Lexa. Your eyes alone," Lexa closed her right eye as Clarke's fingers came up to drunkenly brush over it, "stop me in my tracks every day. I'm amazed by you, Lexa," she proclaimed, cupping Lexa's cheeks with both of her hands.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hands from where they were still pressed against her cheeks. She chuckled and shook her head. "Listen to you. I think it's safe to say that you can't handle your alcohol as well as you used to be able to."

Clarke's brow furrowed as she thought on that. She shook her head adamantly. "No. No, no, no. I'm being absolutely serious right now, Lexa. You're drop dead gorgeous."

"Okay, okay. I get it. Let's just..." She pulled the party bucket toward them, only to find that it was already empty. "How much of this did you have?" She quirked an eyebrow at Clarke.

Clarke smiled sheepishly. "I think I saw Raven and O drink some of it."

Lexa leaned over to find Raven and Octavia and ask them about it, but found that they were already back on the dance floor.

"I think they have the right idea," Clarke said, scooting back out of the booth and dragging Lexa with her. "Let's go dance."

"Alright, calm down," Lexa laughed at Clarke's drunken excitement. "I'm coming."

Clarke pulled her along as she walked backward, keeping her eyes on Lexa the entire time. "Have I told you recently how lucky I am to love you?" Clarke asked in a tone of awe.

Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke gently. "Not recently. But you can show me now."

"Lexa! Not in public!" Clarke chastised with a teasing smack to Lexa's upper arm. She wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist and waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Unless you're into that kind of thing. We can experiment."

Lexa laughed heartily. "Not like that, love." She pulled Clarke further onto the dance floor. "Let's dance."

And dance they did.

* * *

 

"Your girlfriend's hot!" Jasper yelled in Clarke's ear as they danced. Clarke smirked at Lexa, her arms dangled over Lexa's shoulders.

"I know!" Clarke shouted back, leaning forward to press a kiss to Lexa's jaw.

"Wanna share?" Jasper asked, dancing ridiculously next to Clarke and trying to wedge his way between the couple. He nudged Clarke with his shoulder, attempting to push her out of the way.

Clarke let out a low growl. _Oh hell no._

She was not sober enough for this.

"Back off," she growled out, pulling Lexa closer to her. Lexa, for her part, just gripped Clarke's hips tighter, finding humor in her girlfriend's drunken, possessive behavior.

Jasper nudged Clarke again, winking at her. "You sure you don't want to let her have a piece of this action? I'm down for a little two on one."

Clarke spun around in Lexa's hold, pressing her back to Lexa's front and gripping Lexa's hands on her hips. She pushed back, making Lexa take a couple of steps back as well. "Gross. There is no action there that _anyone_ is interested in."

"I'd listen to her, Jas. You know how Griffin can get with some drinks in her," Raven said as she and Octavia continued dancing next to Clarke and Lexa. "Even I wouldn't tempt fate by facing off with that."

Clarke smirked smugly, grinding back into Lexa before pulling away to slip around Lexa and press into her back instead, her arms wrapping around Lexa's waist. "And this is all mine," she said possessively, kissing Lexa's shoulder. She pulled Lexa back against her, just barely still moving to the beat of the music.

Jasper inched forward as if he actually wanted to attempt it. He stopped immediately when Clarke lifted her head to scowl at him. "You know what? I think I saw someone over there that was looking for a dance partner," he said, pointing behind him toward the other side of the dance floor.

Lexa chuckled as she watched Jasper dart away, before turning in Clarke's arms to face her. "And you said _I_ was being possessive before." She quirked a brow at Clarke teasingly.

Clarke just shrugged in response, not thinking she did anything wrong with her actions. "He was infringing on my good time. It was unacceptable."

"Should I be concerned for other people's safety in your drunken presence?" Lexa teased.

"Only if they try to cut in on my time with you."

"How charming."

"Call me Princess Charming. I'm nothing if not noble." Clarke took a step back and bowed, losing her balance and stumbling with the motion. "And also a bit more drunk than I thought," she slurred once Lexa caught her and pulled her upright again.

"Maybe we should call it a night."

Clarke pouted, reaching her arms up to wrap around Lexa's shoulders. "One more dance?" she asked pleadingly.

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Alright, love. One more dance."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, party buckets are a very real thing. And those things are potent. But so, so good. I highly recommend them (if you're above drinking age and have a designated driver because they really do pack a punch).
> 
> Secondly, this was based off of two of my favorite bars in Baltimore (even though they're based in DC in this fic), called The Tin Roof and Howl at the Moon. Both are fantastic and if you ever find yourself in Baltimore around the inner harbor, I 100% recommend them. The bartenders at the Tin Roof will try out shots on you if they aren't busy and if they like you. It's a good time.
> 
> Thirdly, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. There's a bit more of the night ahead in the next chapter to look forward to, but that'll have to wait until next week.
> 
> Fourth, I regret to say that I'm going to have to cut back updates to once a week. Probably Monday/Tuesdays unless you guys would prefer the Thursday/Friday updates. The Monday/Tuesday ones will probably be shorter than if we do Thursday/Friday ones, though. So let me know in the comments below which you would prefer based on your own schedules/preferences. School and work have just become too much for me to continue to update this and to stay a decent amount ahead of y'all on my writing of it. Once I finish writing it completely, we'll see if we can go back to more frequent updates.
> 
> Finally, as always, I really, truly love your comments on these chapters. They're so nice to read and everyone has been absolutely lovely. So please leave me comments/requests or kudos if you're liking what you're reading. And if you aren't or want something changed, you can totally tell me that, too. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you feel so inclined.
> 
> Have a great weekend everyone! See you next week!


	27. 'Til the Mornin', Through the Night (Can't Get You Out of My Mind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's drunk, confident and cuddly, Lexa's totally weak for her, and Raven needs help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you can see, the people have chosen. Here is you end of the week update for this story. Enjoy!

Lexa stumbled when Clarke tripped while making their way down the hall to Clarke's apartment. The blonde had her arm thrown over Lexa's shoulders, with Lexa's arm braced against Clarke's lower back. She had been tasked with getting Clarke back up to the apartment after her girlfriend had a few too many drinks that night. Well, morning.

Raven already had the door open by the time she got Clarke there. "This would have been easier if she would have just let me carry her."

"Lexa," Clarke gasped, shocked. "You are in heels. That would have ended horribly." She broke off into a fit of giggles.

"You get used to it. I already sent Octavia to my room. These two are usually the ones that go all in when we go out," Raven explained with a smirk. Apparently watching Lexa struggle with Clarke was better than actually opting to help her.

Lexa pushed past Raven, grumbling under her breath, "That's not reassuring."

Raven followed them inside, locking up behind them. "They both deserve some time to just let go. They're almost always working, whether it be on school stuff or their jobs. It's kind of ridiculous." Raven stopped at her own bedroom, pushing the door open. "Night."

"Night," Lexa answered.

And, if she thought about it, Lexa couldn't really argue against what Raven had said. She didn't know what all Octavia did (she later found out Octavia was a junior contractor for some high-grade, very classified military planning program), but she did know that Clarke worked way too hard most of the time, and thus rarely had time to just let loose. She let Clarke fall onto the bed when she made it into her room. "Good thing she won't remember that in the morning," she mumbled.

"Yes I will. I may be pretty gone, but I'm not that far," Clarke argued, sitting up in the bed just to lean back on her hands behind her instead. "That was rude, by the way."

"So was making me basically carry you all the way up here." Lexa sat on the bed next to Clarke, pulling her heels off before leaning over and getting Clarke's off for her.

"Thank you," Clarke said, falling back onto the bed again. "So comfy..." She curled onto her side and gripped at her pillow.

Lexa stood and reached out to grab Clarke's arms. "Oh, no. Not yet. If you're coherent enough to argue that you're not that drunk, you can help me get you changed."

"Don't wanna," Clarke whined as Lexa tried to pull her into a standing position.

"You'll be more comfortable," Lexa enticed, trying to make changing sound more appealing.

"I'd be even more comfortable naked," Clarke said bluntly. "Actually, yes." She stood up, flicking Lexa's hands off of her. "That's happening." And with that, she started tugging at the zipper on her dress, trying to pull it down.

Lexa smiled exasperatedly as she watched Clarke struggle. Really, she was in love with this dork. It was kind of crazy. "Alright, alright," she cooed, tapping one of Clarke's hands.

Clarke let her hands fall to her sides with a frustrated groan. "Why are dresses always so much more difficult to get off than to get on?" she whined. Lexa just chuckled while she quickly pulled the zipper down. Clarke stepped out of the garment after it fell to the floor. "And now..." Clarke prompted, reaching for the clasp of her strapless bra.

"Whoa there." Lexa caught Clarke's hands before they could start fumbling with the clasp as well. "You sure you want to do that?" she asked, concerned. She didn't want Clarke waking up in the morning confused as to why she was laying in bed naked.

"It's comfy..." Clarke pouted, her lower lip jutting out. "Please?" She looked up at Lexa through her lashes, and Lexa just couldn't resist that.

Lexa sighed. "Alright, love." She reached around Clarke and unclasped her bra for her, letting that too fall to the floor. "Better?"

Clarke thought about it for a second and Lexa made sure not to let her eyes or hands wander too much. "Almost." Clarke leaned down and pulled her underwear off. When she stood back up she was smiling happily at Lexa.

Lexa quirked a brow at her. "Now?"

Clarke's smile fell as she thought hard on something. "One more thing." Lexa didn't know what else Clarke could possibly want, but she knew her girlfriend wouldn't settle back into the bed until she got whatever it was. "You."

"Excuse me?" Lexa asked around a laugh.

"Take it off," Clarke explained, pulling at the fabric of Lexa's dress.

"Really, Clarke?"

"I just want to feel close to you tonight. Nothing else. Please?"

Lexa smiled at that. She couldn't deny that she honestly wanted to feel close to Clarke, too. "Okay, love. Go lay down." She turned to leave the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked, the fear evident in her voice. "Did I do something wrong?" She had her hand reaching out for Lexa, her eyes wide with worry.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and brought it to her lips, placing a gentle kiss against her knuckles. "I'll be right back, love. I'm just going to get some water and Advil for you," she spoke against Clarke's knuckles, looking up into her blue, blue eyes. "Here." She moved over to the bed to pull the blankets back. "Climb in," she guided Clarke into the bed with a hand on her lower back. "There you go. Now, I'll be right back."

"Okay," Clarke said, her voice small. Lexa worried for a moment that Clarke still thought she had done something wrong, but figured that the quicker she left and got back, the sooner Clarke would stop worrying.

With that thought in mind, she exited the bedroom and went to get some Advil and water from the kitchen. When she got back to the room, Clarke was watching the door with wide eyes.

"You came back!" Clarke said excitedly, sitting up and letting the blanket that she had pulled up to her chin fall down to pool in her lap.

Lexa laughed as she walked over to place the glass and pills on Clarke's bedside table. "I told you I would. You're sure you want me to join you?"

Clarke rolled her eyes, flopping back onto her pillow. "Of course I want you to join me. I love you. Now get naked and come cuddle with me."

Lexa couldn't help laughing again as she stripped of her clothing. She walked to the other side of the bed and climbed under the covers. Clarke turned on her side facing away from Lexa and reached back to grab at Lexa's hand. Lexa took the hint and moved closer so that her front was to Clarke's back. She wrapped an arm around Clarke's waist and leaned up to look over Clarke's shoulder. Clarke's eyes were closed and she had a soft, content smile on her lips.

"Better?" Lexa asked quietly. Clarke twined her fingers with Lexa's and brought their hands up to rest over her heart.

"Perfect."

* * *

 

The following morning dawned bright and... Late. Very late, actually. _Still too early_ , Clarke thought as she pushed the heels of her hands into her closed eyes. Her head was absolutely _pounding_. She groaned and flopped over onto her back.

A soft chuckle from beside her startled her and she pulled her hands away from her eyes quickly. She squinted her eyes at the sound to find her girlfriend laying on her side, propped up on her elbow to look down at Clarke.

"What's so funny?" Clarke asked with as much of a glare as she could muster with her head hurting so badly. She really should stop drinking so much when they went out. Something she should have decided on the past dozen times it's happened.

Lexa reached over to tuck a strand of Clarke's hair behind her ear. "Nothing at all, love," she said, still smirking.

"Uh-huh," Clarke grumbled. "Shouldn't you be nicer to me?"

"I didn't realize I was being mean. Why should I be nicer to you?"

"I hurt," Clarke pouted.

"And whose fault is that?"

Clarke just glared while Lexa raised her brows expectantly. With a huff, Clarke flipped over onto her side facing away from Lexa, deciding that ignoring the question all together would be a better idea than admitting defeat.

Lexa sighed and inched closer, wrapping her arm around Clarke's bare waist. She pressed a kiss against the back of Clarke's neck. "Really?" she chuckled against Clarke's skin.

"Really."

"You're just going to pout all morning, then?"

"And if I do?" Clarke crossed her arms as best she could while laying on her side. She closed her eyes, utterly content to stay in bed and lay like this with Lexa the rest of the day, even with the bickering.

Lexa shifted and leaned over Clarke, reaching for something on the bedside table. "Luckily, I had prepared for just such an occasion." She sat back on the bed beside Clarke. "Sit up."

Clarke buried her head further into her pillow. "Why should I?"

"Pain relief?" She rattled a bottle in her hand.

Clarke groaned and covered her ears. "Must you be so loud so early?"

"It's almost noon," Lexa said flatly. Clarke smiled at the play of annoyance. She could just imagine the look on Lexa's face.

Clarke turned over to look at Lexa, seeing a glass of water and a bottle of Advil in her hands for Clarke to take. She did so, sitting up to take the pills and chug the water. "Happy?" she asked, placing the empty glass back on the table behind her.

Lexa only hummed shortly before turning and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Clarke asked, reaching out to trail her fingers down the skin of Lexa's back. Lexa shivered slightly at the touch and Clarke knew she was fighting to not arch into it.

"To get dressed and get breakfast. I was waiting for you to wake up." She made a move to stand, and that just wouldn't do.

Without giving Lexa enough time to actually get away from the bed, Clarke launched forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa's middle, pulling her back into the bed and against Clarke's chest, forcing her to lay back down. "Now that I'm awake, you want to leave me?" Clarke asked, pretending to be insulted.

"You could join me for breakfast, you know," Lexa argued, squirming in Clarke's arms. She pulled against Clarke's forearms, trying to loosen the grip on her, but gave up quickly, instead relaxing in Clarke's hold.

"I can think of much better things to be doing now that we're both awake," Clarke mumbled against the skin between Lexa's shoulder blades.

"Oh?" Lexa hummed, pushing back into Clarke's chest as Clarke began to leave a trail of kisses up Lexa's shoulder and neck to her jaw.

"Mhm. Interested?"

Lexa reached up and tangled her hand in Clarke's hair while tilting her head to give Clarke more access. "Depends on what you're offering."

Clarke chuckled. "I think it's pretty clear what I'm offering."

Lexa's grip in Clarke's hair tightened when Clarke began nibbling on the spot just below her ear. "Don't have any idea what you're talking about," she gasped out.

Clarke grinned against Lexa's neck. "Hm. I'm sure you don't. Well..." Clarke left a lingering kiss on Lexa's neck, "if that's the case, then I guess breakfast will just have to do." She untangled her arms from around Lexa and began to pull away.

She didn't get far before Lexa flipped around and pulled her back. "Breakfast in bed?" Lexa asked, an all too tempting grin taking over her features.

"I thought you'd never ask," Clarke whispered against Lexa's lips before capturing them with her own.

* * *

 

Clarke plopped down onto the couch beside Raven, Lexa having left just moments before.

"Decided to join the living?" Raven asked while clicking through her Netflix queue.

"Consider yourself lucky," Clarke said with a shrug. "What are we watching?"

Raven just hummed in response, eyes still trained on the television as she mindlessly scrolled through her options, barely giving each enough time to register. Finally, after minutes of silence, she turned off the screen and faced Clarke.

"I need your help."

At Raven's serious tone, Clarke looked over to her friend. The fact that she was asking for help in the first place was enough to make Clarke give her her full attention, but the nerves that were emanating from her best friend made it even more disconcerting. Raven was very much a 'do-it-myself' kind of person.

"What's up?" Clarke asked, leaning her elbow against the back of the couch and resting her head in her hand.

Raven chewed on her lip, lost in thought. Clarke knew better than to press for answers from her. She'd talk when she was ready to.

After what seemed like hours of Clarke running through multiple scenarios in her head as to what Raven could need (varying from a ride somewhere to financing treatments for an incurable disease), Raven finally seemed ready to talk. She heaved a sigh and rubbed at her face in frustration.

"Okay. Okay, just say it," Raven said, pumping herself up. She let her hands fall into her lap and stared Clarke in the eye. "I'm going to propose to Octavia."

Clarke's face split into a huge grin. She figured that this day would be coming sooner rather than later, but it was still just as exciting hearing that it was happening so soon.

"That's great, Rae!"

Raven waved her off. "Yeah, yeah. It's awesome. Super exciting. World changing. Call the news outlets."

Clarke smacked her shoulder. "Don't dampen my excitement just because you're worried about something. Now spill. What do you need my help with? Did you buy a ring yet?"

"I have the ring. I've had it for a while, actually. But that's beside the point. I need your help doing it."

"I would have thought you'd have figured that out by now considering all the nights you and O have spent together. But if you really need my help..."

Raven glared at her. "That is _not_ what I meant, and you know it."

"Alright, alright." Clarke patted Raven's knee. "So what do you need from me?"

"I need ideas on what to do. I want to make it special for her. She deserves that much."

Clarke nodded. "She does. Any base ideas? Daytime? Nighttime? Indoors or outdoors?"

"Well, I did have one idea. Do you remember that bet your girlfriend and I made?"

"Back during that freak snowstorm?"

"Yeah. And remember the whole 'yell it from the rooftops' thing?"

Clarke nodded along, having an inkling of where this was going.

Raven took a deep breath. "I was thinking a rooftop dinner. String lights, candles, and everything. And a boom."

"A boom?" Clarke asked, eyebrow quirked.

Raven nodded enthusiastically, leaning forward in her excitement. "Oh yeah. Big boom. Because I'm Raven 'I can make it go boom' Reyes. There needs to be a boom."

"Just what kind of boom are we talking about here?"

"Fireworks."

"Near a college campus?"

"Oh yeah. Definitely. Big ones. With a big finale."

"Is that legal?"

"Semantics," Raven said with a wave of her hand, brushing it off. As if the legality of setting off fireworks near a highly populated college campus was no big deal.

"I'm thinking that's something you may want to be concerned about with this plan of yours."

"We'll figure it out."

"We?"

"That's where you come in."

"And here I was hoping you'd just need my help setting up," Clarke said with a sigh. She had a feeling she wouldn't be getting out of this little operation without some kind of note on her record. "Am I going to get arrested?"

"Probably not. Maybe. There is a possibility that you may. It depends how fast you can run," Raven said, thinking it over. She clasped her hands together and leaned toward Clarke again. "Please?" she begged.

Clarke sighed and ran her hand over her face. "Okay. But if I go down, you're going down with me."

"And so is your girlfriend."

"What?"

"We're all in this together?" Raven asked hopefully.

"Don't quote High School Musical at me. Lexa is not going to be involved in this."

"You're going to need help, though. Octavia and I can't help you, obviously. And none of the boys will want to help. Well, Jasper would. But I am not trusting him with something this big. I'd rather not blow up the campus if we can help it."

"What about Harper? Or Maya?"

"No way. They can hardly curse without feeling guilty. Not to mention they suck at keeping secrets."

"Touché."

"Exactly. So, are you and Lexa in?"

Clarke rubbed at her brow in frustration. "I can't speak for Lexa, but I'm in. You have to ask her, though."

"Yes!" Raven cheered, launching herself off of the couch and throwing her fist in the air. "She'll definitely agree if you're involved. This is going to work perfectly."

"What exactly are we going to be doing?"

Raven sat back down on the couch, bouncing a little on the cushion. She pulled some folded up papers from her back pockets and explained in detail her plans for popping the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! I know I said longer updates, but this week it just wasn't going to happen. Next week it may. I really can't promise anything right now other than that you will get some sort of update at the end of next week (unless some seriously unforeseen circumstances arise. Like I die or something). 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed that. It was actually a lot of fun to write. And next chapter, we're going to see Raven's plans come to fruition. Which will also be fun. 
> 
> As always, comments/requests/kudos are always loved so, so much. They really keep me going. I thrive with them. 
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv. I promise I'm not scary to talk to.


	28. It's Hard To Conceive That Somebody Like You Could Be With Someone Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mud, crawling, booms, and promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet (I hope).

"Explain to me again why we're army crawling through the mud," Lexa mumbled frustratedly. They were both wearing what amounted to military training gear - camouflage shirts, cargo pants, and combat boots.

Clarke inched forward in front of Lexa, her foot nearly clipping Lexa's hand. "We have to get over to the bushes without being seen. If we're caught before we can set the box and light the fuse the whole night is for nothing." She kept her voice down even though there wasn't anyone around them.

Lexa rolled her eyes but dutifully followed her girlfriend. The view wasn't too bad though, with Clarke wriggling forward in front of her. "You're lucky you're cute," she grumbled.

Clarke scoffed. "No, Raven's lucky I'm cute. Now hush. I need to scope out the field."

Lexa moved forward to lay next to Clarke where she had stopped under a bush. They peered out to the empty field, no one in sight. The sun was just beginning to set, the air getting slightly chillier around them.

"Do you have the pack?" Clarke asked, looking over to Lexa beside her. The streaks of black paint around Clarke eyes made her look slightly ridiculous and dorky, but she still managed to look cute. Lexa had refused the paint when Clarke approached her with it before they set out on their highly, probably (definitely) illegal mission.

Lexa nodded, shrugging one shoulder to indicate the backpack on her back. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I'm actually very sure that it's not," Clarke said while moving into a crouch. "But Raven's our friend and she needs our help tonight."

"I'm really starting to question this friendship of yours."

"Ours."

"Yours."

"Raven's your friend, too."

"Maybe not, after tonight."

Clarke rolled her eyes with a fond smile. "Stop whining. You know you care about her."

"I care about us not getting arrested more, though."

"We won't get arrested."

"You can't know that for sure."

"Is there anything in life that we can be completely sure about?" Clarke challenged.

Lexa shrugged. "I'm completely sure I'm in love with you."

Clarke's smirk softened as she looked over at Lexa. Without hesitation, Lexa moved to mirror Clarke's crouch and leaned forward to kiss her. "If we get arrested for her," she started before kissing Clarke again quickly, "you have to figure out how to bail us out."

Clarke chuckled. "I'll just call my mom. She'd take care of it."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "That'd be a great way to meet your mother for the first time. 'Oh, hello Mrs. Griffin. Sorry about dragging you out here this late. Oh, the handcuffs? Don't worry about those. The important thing here is that I love your daughter.'"

Clarke laughed. "Then let's hope it doesn't come to that," she said overly optimistic. "Ready?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope," Clarke said, popping the 'p'. "Okay, let's go."

Without further preamble, Clarke launched herself out from behind the bush, leading the way into the center of the cleaning. Lexa followed with minimal grumbling, keeping hunched as low to the ground as possible.

"This is likely the worst plan for a proposal that I've ever heard," Lexa said once they made it to the middle of the field. She pulled the bag from her back and placed it down in front of Clarke where she had kneeled on the ground.

"So you've said."

"When I propose, it's going to be much less dramatic. No booms."

Clarke paused in her digging through the bag, looking up at Lexa standing guard above her. "What did you say?"

"Hm?" Lexa asked, glancing down at Clarke before looking back out at their surroundings to make sure no one was coming.

"Lexa Woods," Clarke said with a triumphant smirk. "Are you planning on proposing to me?"

Lexa stiffened, looking down at her girlfriend as the blonde began working on the contraption that Raven had packed into the bag. "Maybe someday."

Clarke hummed, still smiling to herself. Finally, she placed the contraption down on the ground, lining it up so that the various wires that Raven had previously set up in the clearing were all straight and positioned correctly. "Here," Clarke said, handing up the spool of fuse to Lexa. Lexa took it, still watching Clarke warily. Clarke input the end of the fuse into the contraption and stood up to face Lexa, kissing her gently.

"You're supposed to be keeping watch, babe," Clarke said as she pulled away and grabbed the spool from Lexa.

"I am watching."

"Not me," Clarke said around a laugh. She grabbed Lexa's hand and began leading them back to the spot they were previously hiding in. She let the spool unwind as they slowly made their way across the field. When they made it, they crouched back down behind the bush, the end of the fuse waiting to be lit. "For the record, I don't need all this extravagance. Just dinner. Maybe a walk in the park. I'm a pretty simple girl."

Lexa stared at Clarke's profile as her girlfriend continued to look out at the box in the middle of the field as if it was going to move on its own accord.

"Clarke," Lexa called. When Clarke just hummed in response, she called her again. "Clarke. Look at me."

Clarke turned and met Lexa's gaze. Lexa reached forward and cupped Clarke's jaw in her hand before leaning in and pressing a gentle but passionate kiss to her lips. "Simple is hardly how I'd define you," Lexa said once they pulled apart.

"Oh?" Clarke asked, smiling softly.

Before Lexa could answer, Clarke's phone alerted her of a text from Raven, which was the sign to light the fuse. Moving quickly, Clarke cleared the fuse from the bush and lit it with the lighter from her pocket. As the spark moved quickly down the line, Clarke stood and pulled Lexa up with her.

"And now we run," she said with a cheeky smirk before taking off back toward where they parked the car.

The fireworks had already started by the time they made it to the car, where Clarke pressed an eager and excited kiss to Lexa's lips before they climbed in and drove off.

By the time the police arrived, they were back at Lexa's apartment, hidden away in Lexa's bedroom.

* * *

 

Lexa greeted Raven the next day with a smack to the arm, but even that couldn't wipe off the grin on Raven's face. Clarke smiled excitedly from behind Lexa, eyes darting back and forth between her two best friends. Octavia had her arm casually thrown over the back of the couch, her left hand hidden from view. Raven just grinned up at them from her position next to Octavia, having not even winced at the smack from Lexa.

"Never again, Reyes," Lexa warned, scowl firmly in place. She crossed her arms and glared down at the couple on the couch. Clarke stood next to her, almost vibrating with her excitement.

Finally she couldn't hold it in anymore. "Show me!" she demanded, dropping to her knees in front of Octavia and holding out her hand expectantly. Octavia just laughed and finally brought her hand out for Clarke to see.

Clarke eagerly took her friend's hand, examining the diamond ring on her finger.

"Is that in the shape of a helix?" Lexa asked from where she still stood. Both Raven and Octavia nodded enthusiastically. "Can you be a bigger nerd?"

"It's who I am," Raven explained, resting her hand on her fiancé's thigh. "And, it's only half of one." She held up her hand to show the mirror ring on her own finger. Lexa rolled her eyes. "You can't tell me that you won't get Clarke a ring that somehow represents you. You're just as much a sappy nerd as I am."

Lexa shrugged, finally dropping her glare to sit down in the empty space left on the couch. "I'd actually prefer simple rings. Maybe just bands. Then tattoos."

"Tattoos?" Clarke asked, her curiosity piqued by the concept. She looked up at Lexa with Octavia's hand still held in her own.

"Mhm," Lexa affirmed. "After the wedding. It's more permanent."

"What kind of tattoos?" Clarke asked, finally dropping Octavia's hand to sit down between Raven and Lexa. Lexa casually grabbed her hand, twining their fingers.

"Under the rings, probably," she explained. "At least, that's what I'd like. I'd be okay with adding something more visible, as well. But I definitely want the smaller ones under the rings."

Clarke thought it over quietly, her thumb subconsciously rubbing at her bare ring finger. She liked the idea, honestly. It was something that it wouldn't be possible to ever lose. And when she got married, it was going to be for forever. Unless there were seriously extenuating circumstances involved. But even then, the permanence of the tattoo was appealing.

"Would they be matching?" she asked, wanting to see how far Lexa had thought into this.

Lexa looked at Clarke in thought, resting her head on her propped up hand on the arm of the couch. "Not necessarily. I'd like them to be matching, though. At least in theme."

"And you said I was bad," Raven scoffed, watching Clarke and Lexa as they stared at each other. "What would you even get tattooed on such a small spot?"

"Initials, the date of the wedding, vines, a simple black band. There are plenty of options, really. I'd be okay with most things," Lexa explained, looking over to Raven with a smirk. "Certainly not mirror half helix, though."

Clarke elbowed Lexa lightly. "Don't be mean," she chastised. "It's cute." She looked over to find her friends practically glowing with happiness.

"It's awesome, actually," Raven declared, lifting her chin with pride.

"Very sweet, babe," Octavia chimed in, cupping Raven's chin to pull her closer and lay a kiss on her cheek.

Raven's smile could have lit up the room. "See? My woman's happy with it."

"More than," Octavia said, holding her hand up so the light glinted off the diamonds woven throughout the band. "Though I am curious what kind of wedding ring will match.

Raven scoffed. "As if I hadn't thought that far out." Octavia looked at her expectantly. "The other half. They're sets. Not completed until the other half is there. I have yours and you have mine. And then on our wedding day, we each get a copy of the other half to complete it. Make it whole." She didn't break her gaze from Octavia through the entire explanation, Octavia's expression melting as her fiancé finished.

She brought their lips together in a soft kiss. "It's brilliant, Rae. I love it."

"I love you," Raven answered, resting her forehead against Octavia's.

After a moment of silence Clarke stood up and pulled Lexa along with her. She dragged Lexa out of the living room and back to her bedroom.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked once Clarke had sat down on the edge of her bed. She patted the space beside her and waited for Lexa to sit.

"That was a personal moment for them. They deserved to be alone for it without an audience."

Lexa sighed dramatically and flopped onto her back on the bed. "But now I can't tease them about how disgusting they're being."

"Says the one who had challenged Raven to being the most disgustingly cute," Clarke leaned back on her elbow and looked down at her girlfriend.

Lexa brought her hands up to pillow her head. "Raven brought her dorkiness into it, though. That's a whole different level."

"Because you're not a dork at all," Clarke challenged.

"Nope."

"Uh-huh. You know what I think?" Clarke asked, laying down on her side facing Lexa.

"What do you think, oh love of mine?"

Clarke leaned forward to press a quick kiss to Lexa's cheek. She noted the slight twitch in her girlfriend's lips as she tried to hide her smile. "I think that you're just bummed that you lost the bet."

Lexa sat up abruptly. "I certainly did not lose that bet." She looked down at Clarke aghast. "I can't even believe that you would suggest such a thing."

Clarke propped her head up on her hand, quirking an eyebrow without saying a word.

"That's not even a fair judgement! I haven't had my own chance to show my wooing prowess."

"Oh you haven't?" Clarke asked.

"No, I haven't. Raven pulled out a huge romantic gesture, but she hasn't seen anything yet."

"Are you wooing her or me?" Clarke smiled teasingly at Lexa, her fingers dragging across the back of Lexa's hand on the bed absentmindedly.

"You, of course."

"So why is she going to be seeing anything?"

Lexa scrunched her face in confusion. "Well, she has to know about whatever I pull off. I'm going to have to rub it in her face, Clarke."

"Of course you are," Clarke was trying her hardest not to laugh at the seriousness in her girlfriend's tone.

"Right. Of course I am. Because I'm going to blow her proposal out of the water. Illegal fireworks. Ha! Just wait until she hears about what I'm going to do."

"I thought you were going to keep it simple."

Lexa crossed her arms and fell back on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling as if it was going to give her all the answers to the universe. "The planning is going to be complex. You're going to be swept off your feet, Clarke Griffin."

"There you go again, claiming that you're going to propose to me," Clarke said with a chuckle. She brought her hand up to run a finger down Lexa's jawline. "I'm bound to start thinking that you really mean it."

All hint of teasing and joking slid off of Lexa's face as she turned to face Clarke more fully. She cupped Clarke's cheek in her hand, her brow furrowed in concentration. Clarke waited for her to speak, her smile softening at the seriousness that had taken over her girlfriend. She turned her head to press a kiss to Lexa's palm.

"Clarke Griffin," Lexa said before taking a deep breath. "I want you to listen and listen very carefully to what I'm about to say." She waited for Clarke to nod, their eyes locked. "Throughout my entire life, I have never met someone that I have felt so strongly for. Never has someone come bounding into my life and taken over my heart so quickly and fully. And if this feeling that I have for you is any indication of what the rest of my life could be filled with, I would be a fool to let it go. I have every intention of proposing to you some day, when we're both ready for that step. Because I know already that I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you by my side."

Clarke's vision blurred with oncoming tears. She felt a wet trail falling down her cheek to pool against her palm. She swiped at her eyes, trying to wipe the tears away. "Okay," she choked out around a watery chuckle. "Okay, you win the bet. I don't care what Raven did, you win." She laughed again, more tears falling from her eyes.

Lexa smiled up at her, swatting her hands away from their task of wiping up her face. She gently pulled Clarke down against her chest, wrapping her arms firmly around her. She placed a kiss to the top of Clarke's head, burying her nose in blonde hair.

"Yeah," she whispered against Clarke's hair. Clarke gripped Lexa's shirt in her hand, clinging to her girlfriend. "Yeah, I've definitely won with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The engagement AND a promise of engagement! Who would have thought?? 
> 
> I'm sorry this was so short this week. I'm in the last couple weeks of my term, and things are getting even more hectic. But I'm writing for this as much as I can, and updating as much as I can at a time. Hopefully in the week between terms I'll be able to give you a few updates, but we'll see. No promises. 
> 
> I'm really excited for the upcoming chapters, though. We get to see some different dynamics between Clarke and Lexa, and there's just a lot that's going to happen. Hopefully you'll all like it and stick with me through all of these short updates.
> 
> As always, I love your comments/requests/kudos. And as for requests, you can request something for this story specifically, or a one shot idea that you'd like to see come to fruition at a later date. Because little one shots are great practice. 
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv. See you next week!


	29. If Only Time Flew Like A Dove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke actually has a job, Lexa's a genius, spats are had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! Here's a surprise chapter for all you lovely people in thanks for your support of this fic. Let's say that you're all my valentine's and this is my gift to you. I love you all.

Clarke sat at her desk at the art gallery, staring down at the floor plan in frustration. Her boss had given it to her earlier that morning, assigning her with the task of designing the set up of the next exhibit to be put on display. There were a dozen artists who were all vying for positions in the gallery, and she wanted to make sure that they all had ample space to put up their work. But at the same time, the varying media that each artist used was making it difficult. She only had so much space to work with, and they all had so much to display.

She sighed and sat back in her chair, tossing her pencil on to the desk and glaring at the floor plan as if it had insulted her. She ran her hands through her hair, her fingers snagging on the tangles throughout. If she could just figure this out, she could finally leave work for the night and go edit her thesis paper to finally turn it in. The deadline was coming up at the end of the summer term, and she really didn't have time to waste on this obnoxious set up.

"Knock, knock," Lexa called, announcing her presence in the open doorway to Clarke's office. She had two paper cups in her hands. "Coffee?" she asked, holding one of the cups out to Clarke.

"Lex," Clarke sighed in relief, standing up and moving around her desk to get to her girlfriend. She bypassed the proffered coffee to instead wrap her arms around Lexa's waist, burying her face in Lexa's neck.

Lexa chuckled softly, leaning her cheek on the top of Clarke's head. "Rough day?" she asked quietly.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Clarke sighed and leaned back, though she kept her arms loosely around Lexa's waist. "What are you doing here?"

"Delivering coffee, obviously," Lexa said with a smirk.

Clarke rolled her eyes and grabbed her coffee from Lexa. "Other than that. You didn't tell me you were coming by."

"I figured you could use a little boost to finish off the day." Clarke led Lexa into her office, sitting down on the couch against the wall. Lexa sat next to her, throwing her arm over Clarke's shoulders and taking a sip of her coffee. "And I thought I'd keep you company until you finish."

"You're going to be here a while, then," Clarke grumbled, folding her legs under her and burrowing into Lexa's side. She held her coffee in both hands, letting the warmth of it seep into her skin.

"Going to be a long night?"

"Definitely seems like it."

Clarke glared back at her desk where she had left the floor plan. Lexa smiled at her sympathetically.

"Well, get back to work. I'll be right here," Lexa said, kissing Clarke's temple before nudging her shoulder.

"You really don't have to stay, Lex. I'm sure you have better things to do."

"Better than spending time with my amazing girlfriend? I think not. Besides, I brought a book." She pulled said book out of her bag to show Clarke. "Now get working. This couch is comfy, but I'd rather not spend the night here."

Clarke chuckled and patted Lexa's thigh before standing up and going back to her chair. She took up her previous task of glaring down at the floor plan, looking over the list of artists and their works' dimensions every few seconds. There was really no way that all of that work could fit in their small gallery. And, while it was definitely warm outside, they couldn't risk putting pieces outside with all the rain they had been getting. She could talk to her boss about putting some of the work upstairs in the studio there, but then students wouldn't be able to come in and work on their pieces while the gallery was set up. And she doubted that any of the artists would feel great about being shuffled off upstairs and out of the main gallery area.

She rested her forehead in her hand with a huff.

"Clarke," Lexa called, standing up and making her way over to the desk. She placed her hand on Clarke's left hand, pausing her incessant tapping of her pencil. She hadn't even realized she was doing that.

Clarke looked up at Lexa curiously.

"You're stressing about this too much. What's the problem?" her girlfriend looked down at the floor plan. "Maybe I can help."

Clarke smiled at her. "Only if you can figure out how to fit twelve artists with half a dozen pieces each into our small gallery without any of them feeling like they have less space."

"Ask them to prepare less pieces?" Lexa suggested.

Clarke shook her head. "They're already locked in at six each. And most of them made their pieces thematically related. It wouldn't be fair to ask them to adjust their collections." She studied the layout in front of her again, growing more and more frustrated. "There just isn't enough wall space for all of it. And we can't put up dividers because there are a decent amount of sculptures, too."

"Easels?"

"They'd take up too much floor space. We usually only have half as many artists, and even then we struggle with floor space."

Lexa studied the plan on Clarke's desk, running her finger over it as if she was calculating something in her head. She tapped on certain spots before moving on to the next.

With a hum, Lexa placed both of her hands on the desk beside Clarke and looked over at her. "What about hanging pieces?"

"I just said we didn't have enough wall space," Clarke said frustratedly.

Lexa shook her head. "No, not on the walls. Well, some on the walls. But I mean from twine. Maybe even fishing line. From the ceiling. If they aren't huge pieces, you could have them hanging throughout the gallery, creating walls and paths with the pieces themselves. And you could have the bigger canvases propped on the walls." She trailed her finger over the floor plan, indicating a path that could be created with the art.

"And use the corner spaces for the sculptures," Clarke continued, leaning over the floor plan and pulling the list of pieces in front of her. "That could actually work." Her brow furrowed as she thought it over. They hadn't ever hung pieces like that before in the gallery. And she'd have to make sure that her boss was okay with it. And all of the artists. It would require putting hooks on all their pieces that would be hanging. But...

"You're a genius, Lex," Clarke said excitedly, pressing an excited kiss to Lexa's jaw. "This could actually work. Okay, let me figure this out..." she trailed off, picking up her pencil and marking off spaces for each piece.

Lexa chuckled softly before going back to the couch. Clarke heard her sit down, presumably to resume reading, but she was already too lost in her planning to know for sure.

When she had finally marked off all of the pieces, Clarke stood abruptly from her chair, startling Lexa from her reading. She looked up at Clarke in question.

"I'll be right back," Clarke announced, rolling up the floor plan and almost running out of the room. Lexa just chuckled at her excitement. She lay back onto the couch, her book held up above her, and went back to reading.

* * *

 

Lexa had apparently fallen asleep. She wasn't sure when she fell asleep, or even _how_ she fell asleep while holding her book aloft, but she had somehow managed it. Granted, it was rather late, and the couch in Clarke's office was pretty comfortable.

But when Clarke woke her up with a gentle kiss and her fingers scratching at Lexa's scalp soothingly, Lexa couldn't find it in herself to try to figure out when and how she had fallen asleep. Instead she just kissed Clarke back with a content hum and leaned into her touch.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Clarke smiled at her from where she kneeled next to the couch. "Have a nice nap?"

"I sincerely hope that it's not actually morning," Lexa grumbled while she stretched out her cramped muscles. While the couch was comfortable, it wasn't necessarily long, and sleeping with her legs curled up didn't come without its consequences.

Clarke giggled. "No, not actually morning. But it is really late. You ready to head out?"

"Did your boss agree with the set up?" Lexa sat up on the couch, putting her book back in her bag.

Clarke nodded. "Yes he did, thanks to your brilliance. Really, I would have been here much longer if you hadn't helped out."

"I do what I can," Lexa said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. She stood, pulling Clarke to her feet as well, and wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist. "Ready to go home and get some sleep?"

"I wish I could," Clarke said after loosing a deep sigh. "I have to work on the revisions to my thesis before I can do one last read through to edit for any other mistakes."

"All of that has to be done tonight?" Lexa pouted. She could tell that Clarke was already pushing her limit for how long she could stay awake and still coherent. And Lexa definitely didn't want a repeat of Clarke napping on the floor in the middle of the library.

Clarke shook her head, reaching up to cup Lexa's jaw and rub her thumb along her cheekbone. "Not all of it. Just the revisions tonight."

"How long is that going to take?"

"A couple of hours, probably."

Lexa let her forehead fall to Clarke's shoulder with a grumble. "In other words, little to no sleep tonight."

"I wouldn't go that far. I'll definitely get some sleep."

"But only a little."

Lexa felt Clarke shrug, her head lifting with the movement. "A couple of hours at least."

"Not nearly enough," Lexa mumbled, turning her head to place a kiss to Clarke's neck. Clarke kissed Lexa's temple in return.

"Either way, let's get you home and to bed. I'm sure Anya's wondering where you are by now."

"Stay over?" Lexa asked, her face still buried in Clarke's neck.

Clarke hummed. "I don't want to keep you and Anya up."

"I'm staying up anyway," Lexa argued. She gripped Clarke to her tighter, her hands grasping the back of Clarke's shirt.

"No you're not, love. You're going home and going to bed."

"Not without you."

"You can hardly stay awake as it is. It's late and you need to get some sleep."

"So do you."

"I'll be fine."

"So will I."

She could feel Clarke's glare without turning to look. With a triumphant smirk, she placed another kiss to Clarke's neck before pulling away and gathering her bag.

"Your apartment, then?" She twined her fingers with Clarke's pulling the blonde toward the door.

Clarke sighed defeatedly and rubbed at her brow. "Fine. Let me get my stuff, though."

Lexa let her hand go, waiting patiently by the door. She leaned against the doorframe, watching Clarke gather her things into her backpack. When Clarke walked back to her, she grabbed her hand again.

"All set?"

"Mhm. I'm driving." Clarke led her out of the building and into the parking lot, dragging Lexa by the hand over to her car.

Lexa tried to dig in her heels. "Clarke, my car is right there. I can drive myself."

"You fell asleep on the couch in my office, Lex. I think it's safe to say that you're not fit to drive this late. Just get in my car so we can go home. We'll pick up your car tomorrow before I go to meet with my professor." Clarke let go of Lexa's hand and climbed into the driver's seat without waiting for a response. She closed her door with finality, buckling in and watching Lexa expectantly.

Lexa dramatically threw her head back with a groan before getting in Clarke's car. "You're very demanding, you know that?"

"You love it."

"Mm. And yet, when I try to get you to actually take care of yourself and get some sleep, you deny that anything is wrong. Something doesn't seem quite equal here."

Clarke pulled out of her parking spot and drove out of the gallery's lot. "I have work to get done. I can't avoid it."

"You also can't kill yourself trying to do it all in one day."

"I'm not trying to do everything in one day, Lexa. I just need to finish my revisions tonight."

"For a twenty page paper."

"Twenty-three."

"You're not helping yourself."

Clarke rolled her eyes, but placed her hand on Lexa's thigh. "Lex, I'll be fine. We'll go home, get ready for bed, all comfortable and cozy. I'll even sit in bed to work so that I'll be set to fall asleep right after I finish."

"In a couple of hours."

"Right. In a couple of hours."

"It's already past one in the morning, Clarke," Lexa argued. She knew her frustration was clear in her voice, and she really didn't want Clarke to think she was angry with her. Because she wasn't angry with Clarke. She was angry about the stupid crazy amount of work that was expected of her. It didn't seem quite fair.

Clarke looked down at the clock on her dashboard quickly before looking back out at the road. "It is. But I'm wide awake and ready to finish my work. No worries."

"There are worries present."

"There shouldn't be."

"But there are."

"Lex."

"Clarke."

" _Lexa_ ," Clarke said with a laugh. "Really, I'll be fine. I think I can even squeeze in a nap tomorrow afternoon. This afternoon?" Her brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before she shrugged it off.

"So why don't you work on revisions then, instead?"

"Because I'm meeting with my professor tomorrow morning to go over the paper one last time, remember?" Lexa noticed the twitch in Clarke's jaw that signified she was getting annoyed. And she knew she should drop it and let Clarke do what she wanted. But could she really be blamed for wanting to make sure her girlfriend got enough sleep and didn't overwork herself?

"You can't reschedule?"

"She has fifteen other students she has to fit into her schedule. I was lucky to get a meeting with her tomorrow. I'm not going to try to reschedule." She squeezed Lexa's thigh before letting go and bringing her hand back to the steering wheel.

"Do you really think that meeting with your professor while half asleep is going to do any good?"

"And do you really think that meeting with her without having all of her advised revisions completed would do any good?" Again, Clarke clenched her jaw. She pulled to a stop at a red light but didn't look away from the road. "I'm staying up to finish it, Lexa."

Lexa glared out the windshield. She hated this. She hated how hard the school worked Clarke. How much they required of her. Logically, she knew becoming a doctor required rigorous hours of studying and school work. And she knew that Clarke was coming up on her graduation before she could go off to med school. But these all-nighters were getting ridiculous, and she just wanted to cuddle up with her girlfriend and sleep for as long as possible. Just watching Clarke work was exhausting.

"Hey," Clarke called, reaching over to lightly grasp Lexa's chin and turn her to face her. "Please don't worry. And don't get upset. I'll finish up as quickly as I can, and then it's right to sleep, okay?" She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Lexa's lips. "It'll be okay."

When she let Lexa's chin go and pulled away, she turned back to the road to continue driving. Lexa watched her intently, searching for any sign of fatigue. She knew Clarke was tired. She could see it in the bags under her eyes and the drooping of her shoulders. But she also knew Clarke was strong and stubborn and completely dedicated to getting this degree.

So, with a sigh, Lexa agreed. "Fine. But I'm staying up with you until you're finished your revisions."

Clarke gave her a lopsided smile. "We'll see if you can manage to, grandma."

Lexa breathed out a laugh at that and turned to face forward again to see that they were pulling up to Clarke's apartment complex. Clarke parked quickly, though a good distance away from the building, and they made their way inside without further fuss.

When they made it to Clarke's room, Raven already asleep with Octavia in her bedroom, they changed into their sleep clothes quickly. Lexa climbed onto Clarke's bed, sitting up against the headboard in the middle of the mattress. She spread her legs out and patted the open space between them on the mattress.

"C'mon," she beckoned. Clarke looked at her with a quirked eyebrow before just shrugging and grabbing her laptop out of her bag. She climbed on the bed and scooted back until her back pressed to Lexa's front.

Lexa wound her arms around Clarke's stomach, holding her tightly while Clarke booted up her computer.

"I'm sorry I got testy," Lexa mumbled out, pressing a kiss to Clarke's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I have to stay up so late again."

"That's not your fault."

"I'm still sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Clarke."

She felt Clarke relax against her and just then realized how tense her girlfriend was. She pressed another kiss to Clarke's shoulder.

"I really didn't mean to get frustrated. I just hate seeing you so stressed."

"I know," Clarke admitted. She leaned her head back and nuzzled her forehead against the side of Lexa's head. "I'll be finished with all this soon."

"And then you get to start studying for your MCATs."

Clarke groaned, turning her head to lean back on Lexa's shoulder. "Don't remind me. This is nothing compared to what that's going to be like. And then med school after."

Lexa buried her nose in Clarke's neck, breathing deeply. "We'll figure it out."

"You won't freak out on me when I have to go a couple of days without sleep?"

Lexa chuckled. "Oh, I'll still freak out. And I'll drag you to bed with me if I have to."

"Will you?" Clarke asked. Lexa could hear the teasing tone in the question.

"Definitely."

"And if I refuse?"

"I can be quite persuasive."

"And I can be quite stubborn."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Understatement of the century."

Clarke slapped her forearm playfully. "Don't be rude."

"Just stating a fact."

They settled into a comfortable silence, waiting for Clarke's ancient laptop to boot up. Clarke stared at the ceiling, chewing on her lip and clearly lost in thought.

Lexa kissed her cheek to draw her attention. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Will it become too much for you?" Clarke asked, still staring up at the ceiling as if she was afraid to look at Lexa and find an answer she didn't want to hear.

Lexa sighed and gave Clarke a reassuring squeeze. "It will be a lot to deal with." Clarke just nodded in agreement, still refusing to look away from the ceiling. "But," Lexa began when it was evident she wouldn't get to see her girlfriend's eyes right then, "We will figure it out. I'll be with you every step of the way, as long as you'll have me. Ready with a pillow and a warm blanket for you to curl up with wherever you are, even if that happens to be on the library floor."

"What if I don't have time to sleep?" Lexa didn't like that idea at all, but she knew it would inevitably happen some day in the near future. She scrunched her brow at the thought.

"Then I'll be there with an energy boosting salad and a cup of coffee."

"You're too good to me."

Lexa shook her head. "Not nearly. But, if you're up for it, I'd like to be the one to support you through all those sleepless nights."

Clarke gripped at Lexa's forearms in answer. And Lexa didn't need a verbal response. She knew she'd be there for Clarke in whatever way her girlfriend needed her. And tonight, when Clarke was already tired beyond words and Lexa was equally as concerned, just holding Clarke against her chest, feeling Clarke respond by clinging back, was enough.

They sat in silence for a moment longer, soaking in each other's warmth. Lexa glanced up to see Clarke's computer booted up, and was tempted to not let her girlfriend know. With her so relaxed in Lexa's arms, Lexa was sure that Clarke was on the verge of falling asleep. But she knew she'd be angry and even more stressed in the morning if she didn't get this finished tonight.

So she placed one more kiss to Clarke's neck before leaning back just slightly, nudging Clarke's head against her shoulder. "Time to get working."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! A little spat, but everything is good in the end. I hope that was a nice, fluffy chapter to help your valentine's days go even better than they already were. And if they weren't going well, I hope it helped with that, too. Because you all deserve lovely days. 
> 
> You'll be getting your usual chapter at the end of the week as well. Probably Friday, as this one is coming out today. So keep an eye out for that.
> 
> As always, comments/requests/kudos = love. And because it's Valentine's Day, they equal even more love. All the love.
> 
> I'm going to go home and eat a pint of ice cream by myself and work on school work now. Come distract me on tumblr @musiclurv


	30. I'll Count These Moments One By One, Live Them Day by Day Just to Wash You Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unwelcome guests, confusion, and some pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo.......

When Clarke dropped Lexa off at her car, she definitely didn't expect her day to progress as it had. Honestly, Lexa expected nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe a visit from Clarke after her meeting with her professor that morning, but no other surprises. Especially not unwelcome surprises.

So, when Costia walked through the library doors a little after ten in the morning, Lexa would admit she was caught off guard. Which would explain the very obvious and disdainful glare that she directed at her ex as she walked up to the front desk to stand before Lexa.

"Hey, you," Costia greeted, smiling hopefully at Lexa. Lexa just stared up at her, arms crossed across her chest. Costia chuckled and rested her elbows on the counter. "I'll admit, that wasn't exactly the greeting I was hoping for."

"What do you want, Costia?" Lexa all but growled out. She took a deep breath to try to calm down a bit. She was better than this. She could have a civil conversation with her ex. No problem.

Costia shrugged, looking around the library as if her presence there was as normal and expected as anyone else's. "I didn't hear back from you, so I thought I'd come visit. I have to admit that I didn't really expect you to still be working here. I thought you would have moved on by now. Gotten a book or two published."

"Not quite." Lexa didn't owe her an explanation more than that.

Costia looked down at her, chewing on her lip. She almost seemed nervous for whatever she was about to say. "I know we didn't really end things very well--"

"You walked out on me," Lexa deadpanned.

Costia rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, yeah I did."

"After three years."

"Yes."

"And you're here now because..." Lexa trailed off, waiting for Costia to finish.

"Because I was hoping we could catch up. Maybe I could make it up to you."

Lexa studied the girl in front of her. Her ex was nervously chewing on her lip, fiddling with her fingers like she always did when she was overly nervous about something. Some things never changed. "To what end?"

Costia cringed, folding in on herself. "I just thought we could talk. Work things out between us."

"There are no 'things' between us, Cos." The nickname rolled off her tongue easily and without her realizing it. She would have hit herself for it if she were alone. With a sigh, she stood from her seat, placing her palms flat on her desk. "Look Costia, I don't know what you're after here, but whatever it is isn't going to happen. What we had is over, and I've moved on."

"Why didn't you respond to my letter?"

Lexa looked her straight in the eye. "Because I didn't want to talk to you."

"Would you really have avoided talking to me if you didn't have some lingering feelings?" Costia challenged, leaning over the counter a bit and into Lexa's space.

Lexa leaned back, standing up straight. "Yes, I would have. My girlfriend wouldn't have appreciated me getting in touch with you."

"Girlfriend?" She tilted her head to the side in the way that used to make Lexa feel butterflies. Now all she felt was frustration.

"Yes. Girlfriend."

"What's her name?"

"Why do you care?"

Costia laughed. "Because I'm trying to get to know this new Lexa. We're having a friendly conversation here, aren't we?"

"No, we're not."

"But we could be." Lexa just remained silent, staring down her ex-girlfriend. "Look, Lexi--"

"Don't call me that."

Costia startled but quickly threw her smile back on. "Okay, _Lexa_." Her voice was teasing. "Let's go grab a coffee and chat a bit. We have a lot to catch up on."

"No, we don't. We actually have nothing to catch up on. In fact, you could have contacted me any time in the past few years to try to 'catch up,' but you never did. Now it's too late." Lexa turned to leave, hoping to find Lincoln in the back to cover the front desk for a bit so she could hide in the break room.

"Lexa, please," Costia called. It was the 'please' that caused Lexa to pause. Costia never begged for anything.

With a sigh, Lexa turned back around. "Let me get someone to cover the desk. Then you have ten minutes to 'catch up.'"

The smile that spread over Costia's features made Lexa's stomach churn uncomfortably.

* * *

 

"So what have you been up to recently?" Costia asked, stirring cream and sugar into her coffee. She always liked it sickeningly sweet.

"Not much."

Costia chuckled, leaning her head on her palm. "You're not making this easy, you know that?"

"Why should I make it easy?" Lexa asked, a little more bite to the response than she had originally intended. She sat in her seat stiffly, not touching her own coffee.

Costia rolled her eyes, though her smile stayed firmly in place. "Because I'm trying to reconnect with you, silly."

Lexa just stared at her blankly.

"Lexa, would you please just relax. I'm not going to try anything devious."

"You showed up at my job."

"Because you were ignoring me."

"For good reason."

"I didn't know that. I wanted to make sure you got my letter." Costia took a sip of her coffee. "Did you read it?"

"I did."

"And?"

Lexa sighed and finally reached for her coffee. She wrapped her hands around it but didn't take a drink. "And I don't know what you want to hear. I read it. I decided I didn't want to get in touch with you."

"Even after the explanation?"

"Was that what that was?"

Costia's smile fell. "Okay, that was fair." She reached out and placed her hand on Lexa's forearm. Lexa looked pointedly at the hand and then back to Costia, waiting for her to remove it. Luckily for her, Costia seemed to get the implication of the look and took her hand away. "Hey, I'm sorry about all of that. I shouldn't have just left you out of the blue."

"You think?"

"I see your sass level hasn't lessened." Lexa raised an eyebrow, deciding that she'd give her ex another two minutes before she got up and left. Costia sighed. "You know how my father was."

"He was an ass."

Costia chuckled. "To put it lightly. And he knew how to get in my head. I let him get in my head. He said he would stop supporting me if I kept seeing you."

"You knew I would have taken care of you." Lexa pulled her hands back, crossing her arms again.

"I knew that. I _know_ that. You are so wonderful and so caring, and I should have never doubted that you would have taken care of me. But I did. And after listening to my father spout his bigoted drivel every single day, I finally let him get to me. And I'm sorry."

"It's a little late for that."

"I _know_ it's too late for that," Costia said, frustrated. She ran her hand through her hair, gripping at it as her other hand gripped her mug tightly. "I know I can't do anything to change what I did to you. But Lexa," she let both hands fall to the table, palms up and open beseechingly, "If you'd let me, I want to make it up to you. I want to give us another chance." She looked at Lexa as if she expected her to come running back with open arms, or at least take her offered hands.

"Did you not hear the part about my girlfriend?" Lexa asked, trying to hold in her scowl. She tilted her chair back on its hind legs, the picture of relaxed and calm.

Costia rolled her eyes. "Girlfriend of what, three months?"

"Six."

Costia waved her hand, brushing off that detail. "Compared to three years? That's barely anything."

"It's everything." Lexa let her chair fall so all four feet were back on the floor. The loud clack rang through the nearly empty café. "It's everything, Costia. _She_ is everything. And I'm not interested in whatever you're offering."

"Whatever I'm offering? Lexa, I'm saying that we should give _us_ a go again. We were good together. _Great_ together."

"No," Lexa said, shaking her head. She pushed out her chair and grabbed her still full coffee cup. She didn't want it, anyway. "No, we weren't. Even without your father butting in, we would have fallen apart. I can see that now."

"After three years together?"

"It would have happened eventually." She walked away, throwing her cup in the trash on her way back to the library proper.

"I wanted to marry you," Costia called after her. Lexa knew the comment drew the eyes of the few people in the café, including the baristas that knew Lexa decently well. She knew the rumors would be flying within the next twenty minutes, but she turned around and walked back to Costia anyway. Costia watched her with a triumphant and somewhat hopeful smile. "I wanted to marry you. I planned to marry you."

Lexa leaned over the table, hands flat on the tabletop, pressing into Costia's personal space. "We. are. done," she said, each word powerful and pointed.

Costia dug in her pocket, pulling out something she hid in her closed fist. She didn't flinch from Lexa's close proximity. "I bought you a ring. All those years ago, I bought this." She opened her hand to show a diamond ring sitting in her palm. "I bought this with the intention of proposing to you, and even after all these years, I couldn't get rid of it. I couldn't bare the thought of never giving it to you. Of never seeing you wearing it."

Lexa pulled back, staring down at the ring in Costia's outstretched hand. Years ago, she would have been ecstatic to see it. She would have hugged Costia to her and spun her around, shouting that she'd marry her. Now, she just felt a hollowness in her gut at the prospect.

"Hey, Lex. I didn't expect to see you in here." Lexa was startled out of her staring by a hand landing softly on the small of her back. She looked over to see Clarke standing beside her, staring down at the ring in Costia's hand. Her eyes darted between the ring and Costia before looking up to meet Lexa's eyes in question.

"Clarke," Lexa said. Just her name was like a soothing balm, calming her anger and frustration. She cleared her throat, looking to Costia again. "Clarke, this is Costia. Costia, meet Clarke. My _girlfriend_."

Costia's fingers closed over the ring as she stood. She held out her free hand to shake Clarke's. "A pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," Clarke said flatly, taking Costia's hand but releasing it again as quickly as possible.

"Costia was just leaving," Lexa said pointedly. She wrapped her arm around Clarke's lower back, pulling her into her side.

"Was I?" Costia asked innocently. She cocked her head to the side again and Lexa's jaw tightened. She didn't like where this was going one bit. With a sigh and a shrug, Costia pulled back. "Well, I guess I do have other things to get finished today. I was lovely to meet you, Clarke." She turned to Lexa, her look softening. "I hope to see you again soon, Lexa. Think about what I told you?"

"Not likely," Lexa said. She felt Clarke's hand slide across her back to grip her side.

Costia hummed, her smile looking forced. "Well, this is here for you, if you decide that you'd like something a little more..." she looked at Clarke quickly before locking her eyes back on Lexa, "permanent."

Clarke's hand loosened from Lexa's side, her body trembling slightly against Lexa. Lexa just pulled her closer.

"Goodbye, Costia," Lexa said, her tone firm and allowing for no more discussion.

Costia shoved her hand back in her pocket, leaving the ring there when she pulled her hand back out to wave happily. "See ya later, Lexi," she said before turning on her heel and walking out. A final blow that had Clarke's hand dropping completely from Lexa's side.

* * *

 

"Clarke," Lexa called as Clarke walked into the library proper, leaving Lexa behind in the café. She didn't know what she had just walked in on, but she didn't like it one bit. And 'Lexi'? ' _Lexi_ '?? What the _fuck_ is a Lexi?

It wasn't helping that Costia was beautiful, either. Like, stop mid-step to stare at beautiful. Dark skin, alluring eyes, beautiful hair, toned yet curvy figure. Really, what was there not to like?

_And an engagement ring._ What the _hell?_ Why was Lexa's ex holding out an engagement ring to her? They were never engaged, as far as Clarke knew. Three years was a long time to just be dating, though. They were more than just girlfriends. Closer than that. And compared to her and Lexa's six months...

Clarke chewed on her lip, walking without thought to her usual table. She placed her backpack on the floor and pulled her laptop out, setting up to start getting some work done. Though, she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing. She was running on autopilot, her mind going a mile a minute.

"Clarke," Lexa called again, trailing after her. She left a good distance between them, clearly uncertain of whether or not she should approach Clarke in her current state.

Clarke was glad for that.

She didn't know what she needed right now, but being smothered with physical affection probably wasn't it.

She booted up her computer, crossing her arms and staring at the blank screen. She could see her reflection in it, could see herself chewing her lip raw, her brow drawn in confusion and concentration. She could see the hurt in her own eyes.

She looked away, down at the keyboard instead.

"Clarke," Lexa said, standing beside her. She pulled out the chair next to Clarke, but didn't sit, standing on the other side furthest away from Clarke. Again, giving her space.

What was happening?

What was Costia even doing here today? Did Lexa invite her? No, Lexa wouldn't do that. She said she'd let Clarke know everything that was happening between them. So why hadn't she texted her when Costia arrived? When she decided to have coffee with her?

Granted, she was already standing at the table when Clarke saw them together. And Lexa looked none too happy about the situation. But still... _the ring_.

Clarke logged into her computer once the screen loaded, pulling up her thesis paper. She had just finished with her professor when she decided to go visit Lexa and hopefully get some more work done on her final edits. That plan seemed derailed now, but she could at least pretend that she was going to do what she came here to do.

Lexa sat down in the chair next to her hesitantly. "Clarke?" It was a question this time. She wasn't just calling for her, trying to get her attention. And Clarke could hear the fear and nerves in her girlfriend's voice. She could hear the slight tremble.

But she couldn't trust herself to speak without her own voice shaking. Not yet. She had to calm down.

She didn't even know if she was angry or sad or scared. She had no idea what she was feeling.

That's a lie.

She felt lost. Completely and totally lost. Like she had rowed out to sea in a little dingy and couldn't find her way back. Like she could see waves coming in the distance and knew she couldn't out row them. The crash was inevitable.

She took a deep breath, her hands resting lightly on the keys of her computer. She closed her eyes, and just breathed. In and out. In... and out. In... and... out...

Okay.

She turned her head to face Lexa. She could do this. "Lex?"

Lexa's shoulders relaxed at the single syllable. Her lips quirked up at the corners in a hint of a smile. "There you are."

Clarke just nodded. She knew Lexa knew what she wanted. She just had to wait for her to explain it.

"I didn't know she was coming." Another nod. "She showed up, and I tried to get her to go away. But she wanted to talk, and what Costia wants, Costia gets." She cringed at that phrasing, realizing the implication of what she just said. Lexa was what Costia wanted. "Most of the time," Lexa added quickly. She inched her hand across the table, moving it closer to Clarke but still not touching her. Clarke looked down at it briefly before meeting Lexa's eyes again, her own hands staying on her keyboard. "I gave her ten minutes. Less than, really. I was leaving when you showed up."

Clarke hummed, keeping her face blank. It didn't look like she was leaving. It looked like Costia was offering up an engagement ring. Like Lexa was seriously considering it.

"The ring..." Lexa trailed off, looking down at her empty ring finger. "The ring threw me off," she continued, looking back up at Clarke. "I had already walked away when she brought that up. When we were dating, she and I, it was probably the thing that I wanted most in the world to hear. That she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. But when I saw the ring... She said she bought it while we were still together. She held on to it all this time." Clarke could feel her heart pounding in her chest. "But when she showed it to me, I just felt this hollow pit in my stomach. I felt nothing. Sadness maybe, that she clung to it so hard while I had moved on."

Clarke looked away at her hands. "Do you..." she had to clear her throat, her voice more gravelly than she would have liked. "Do you wish you hadn't moved on? That you had held on just as hard?"

She saw Lexa shake her head in her periphery. "No, no. Not at all. I've already realized that it would have never worked out between us before. We would have broken up eventually. It was better that it happened when it did."

"She looked pretty certain that you would have worked out."

"There needs to be two people certain of that for it to work."

"Or just someone incredibly stubborn."

Lexa chuckled, but stopped herself quickly. "Clarke..." she said, reaching forward a bit more. Clarke knew Lexa wanted her to reach out and touch her hand. Make that contact.

When Clarke didn't move, Lexa dropped her forehead onto the back of her own hand on the table. Her breathing was shallow, hissing between her teeth on each inhale. "Clarke..."

Clarke read the first sentence of her thesis. Once. Twice. Three times. Her eyes scanned over it numerous times, but she couldn't actually focus on the words in front of her.

Lexa remained beside her, her head on the table. Her shoulders had tensed again. She was trying to hold herself together.

That made two of them.

Clarke breathed in deeply again, her eyes falling closed as she closed her laptop. Lexa's head jerked up at the noise, her eyes darting between Clarke and the now closed computer.

"Are you leaving?" Lexa asked, her voice shaky.

"No." Clarke's voice was still bland. Emotionless. She needed to work on that. On not shutting down when something like this came up. Not putting up the facade of calm. Because she was feeling anything but calm.

Lexa looked at her hopefully.

"When do you get off?" Lexa looked down at her watch. Lincoln was watching them from the front desk, though he tried to keep it subtle.

"Not until four..." Lexa looked back up at Clarke, her expression downcast.

"Do you have..." Clarke trailed off, trying to figure out what she wanted to ask for. What she could possibly need right now. "Could you take a break?"

Lexa looked over at the front desk, her brow furrowed. Clarke saw Lincoln give Lexa a thumbs up before he waved her away. "Yeah. Yeah, I can take a break. Did you want to go somewhere?"

Clarke stood up, putting her laptop back in her bag and throwing it over her shoulder. She walked to the back of the library, toward the kids section, knowing Lexa would follow her.

When she got there, she stood over the beanbags scattered around the small space. She stared down at the one she and Lexa had shared what seemed like ages ago, but was in reality just a couple months earlier.

Lexa came up beside her, looking between Clarke and the beanbag. "Did you want to..." she indicated the beanbag, tilting her head in question. Tilting it like Costia. Did she pick it up from her, or was it always something Lexa did?

Clarke nodded.

Lexa moved slowly, sitting down on the beanbag with her legs spread wide enough for Clarke to sit down between. Clarke let her bag fall from her shoulder, catching it in her hand before placing it on the floor. She stared down at Lexa looking up at her so hopefully.

Was she punishing her? Was Clarke actually punishing Lexa for her ex-girlfriend showing up at her place of work uninvited? That wasn't the kind of person Clarke wanted to be. Wasn't the type of person that she was.

She turned and let Lexa guide her down, her hands resting on Lexa's knees. She leaned back into Lexa's chest, expecting Lexa to wrap her arms around her waist like she always did. But the arms didn't come.

Lexa let her arms rest limply beside them on the beanbag, her palms up and inviting.

Clarke trailed her fingers down each of Lexa's forearms to her palms. She slid her fingers through Lexa's, letting their fingers lock together. With another deep breath, she let her body relax further into Lexa and brought both of their arms to wrap around her waist.

Lexa let her make every move.

That is, until Clarke felt Lexa rest her forehead on the back of Clarke's head. Clarke could feel her trembling behind her.

"Clarke...?" Lexa asked timidly. Her voice shook even more than it was before. "Clarke..." A crack in the single syllable.

Clarke squeezed Lexa's fingers, trying to offer some reassurance.

Finally, after long moments of silence, Clarke shifted her head, moving to tilt it back to lean on Lexa's shoulder. Lexa kept her head bent forward, her temple ending up next to Clarke's lips. Clarke placed a kiss there, gentle and lingering.

"I love you," she whispered, her lips brushing that spot. "I love you, Lexa." She untangled her left hand from Lexa's, pulling it up to rest her palm against the opposite side of Lexa's face. She clung to her, her forehead pressing into the side of Lexa's head.

Lexa kissed the inside of Clarke's wrist, bringing her own hand up to grab Clarke's once again. She kissed her palm, her fingers, her knuckles, before bringing their hands back down to wrap their arms around Clarke's waist again. She turned to face Clarke, drawing back just slightly so she could see her clearly.

"I love you, Clarke." She pressed their foreheads together, her eyes squeezed shut. "I love you so much. I can't lose you. Please don't go."

Clarke rubbed her nose against Lexa's, her heart aching at the pain in Lexa's voice. "I'm not going anywhere, Lex. I'm right here."

Lexa's arms squeezed around her tighter as if she was about to disappear from her grasp.

But she wouldn't.

She wasn't going anywhere. She was going to stay right here, in Lexa's arms, for as long as this world let her. Even then, she'd fight tooth and nail to stay with her. In her arms.

Because this? Here with Lexa wrapped around her, hugging her tightly? This was where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least it resolved...? Sort of...? Okay, so I know that may have been a little rough, but it was good, right? We're developing characters here. Letting them go through the fire to come out better in the end, right? Right??
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked that (I would say enjoyed, but who could actually enjoy Clarke or Lexa hurting?). Next chapter should be up toward the end of next week. We're about to get to one of my favorite parts of the story, so it'll be fun. Good times had by all, I promise.
> 
> Kudos/Comments/Requests are always welcomed and loved. I appreciate y'all's input so much and love hearing from you. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @musiclurv


	31. God Knows I'm Tough Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa worries, Anya's protective, and a wild Clarke appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your chapter for the week!

Clarke holed herself away for the following week, dedicating all of her free time to doing final edits to her paper. Lexa kept telling herself that's all it was, reminding herself that Clarke wasn't actually mad at her for the Costia incident.

It was hard to believe when even the text replies came so few and far between. She'd be lucky to get a response within a few hours. Even luckier to get more than a few words in those responses.

When she asked Raven and Octavia, they glanced at each other worriedly before reassuring Lexa that Clarke was doing the same to them.

Lexa tried to believe them.

**Lexa (2:13 PM): Would you like to come over tonight? I'm going to be working on my writing too. It can be a writing party. We can even have breakfast for dinner.**

She still tried, though. Because she'd be damned if she didn't even try.

Clarke's reassurance in the library only went so far in calming Lexa's fears and insecurities.

Lexa threw her phone on the coffee table with a huff when she realized she wouldn't be getting a quick response from Clarke. She slouched onto the couch, pouting down at her phone.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Anya asked as she walked through the apartment, having just arrived home from work.

Lexa glared at her briefly before looking back at her silent phone.

Anya whisked around the apartment, throwing her bag in her room and moving into the kitchen to do God knew what. Lexa just remained on the couch silently until Anya came back in the room. Her sister kicked her heels off before curling her legs onto the couch. She munched on a bowl of cereal as she watched Lexa.

"Hey," Anya said, elbowing Lexa. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Anya just hummed skeptically, taking another bite of cereal. They sat in silence, the second hand ticking away on the clock. Lexa had never realized just how loud it was before.

After what seemed like hours, Lexa let out a deep sigh and dropped her head back against the back of the couch. She stared up at the ceiling in defeat. "It's Clarke."

"What about Clarke?" Anya asked, directing the conversation without pushing too much.

Lexa chewed on her lip for a second, thinking over her answer. What about Clarke? She had told Anya about the Costia thing, so her sister knew about the fight. Was it actually a fight? They had resolved the issue before they left the library. At least, Lexa thought they had. The lack of Clarke's presence in her life the past week may suggest otherwise, though. This had happened after the letter, too. But then Clarke really was just working herself too hard. She wasn't avoiding her. So that meant she wasn't avoiding her this time, right? Clarke wouldn't do that. At least, Lexa didn't think she would. But still, there was the lingering conviction that...

"She's avoiding me."

"How so?"

Lexa rolled her head on the back of the couch to look at her sister. "How so? How does anyone avoid someone else? By completely ignoring them and staying away from them as much as possible."

"Are you sure she's avoiding you?" Anya asked, her eyes still locked on Lexa.

"What else would it be? I haven't seen her at all the past week."

"Isn't her big paper due Wednesday?"

"Well, yeah. But she's never ignored me when writing a paper before."

"This is kind of a big paper though, isn't it?" Anya asked.

Lexa shrunk into herself a bit. She hated sounding like she was weak and complaining, but she missed her girlfriend. "Yeah, it is. But she's worked on it with me before. She's never holed herself away like this."

Anya thought for a moment, placing her now empty bowl on the coffee table next to Lexa's phone. "Have you ever been around her when she's been finishing up a paper this big?"

"Well, no. But--"

"How can you know this isn't just what she does when she's under more stress?"

"She was stressed befo--"

"But this is the absolute final paper, right? Her final thesis that decides whether or not she's going to graduate and go on to med school? That's kind of important, isn't it?"

"More than 'kind of.'"

"Exactly. So maybe she's just locked herself away to make sure that she does the best job she possibly can on it."

"Raven and Octavia seemed worried."

"Because she's their best friend. Raven lives with her. If there was an actual problem, don't you think she'd know about it?"

"Not necessarily. If she's locked herself away, she could avoid even Raven."

Anya scoffed. "From what you've told me, no one can avoid Raven if that girl wants attention."

Lexa breathed out a low laugh before leaning forward and resting her head in her hands. "Something just doesn't feel right, Anya."

Anya sighed and stood up, putting her hand on Lexa's shoulder. "Just give her time, Lex. She'll come around. Until then, give her space. Let her know you're there for her, but give her time to breathe."

"Did I do something wrong?" Lexa asked, her voice cracking with emotion.

"I can't answer that. I don't know what all happened. But knowing you, I'd say you're probably blowing this a bit out of proportion. Just take a breath and wait it out. See if there's any change after Wednesday."

"That's still two days away."

"Are you saying the great Commander can't last two days? What happened to patience being a virtue?"

"Mockery is not--"

"Yeah, yeah. 'Mockery is not the product of a strong mind.' I know. But neither is wallowing in self pity. So get up, get showered, and get ready to go out. We're going to the bar tonight."

"It's a Monday."

"So? Monday's are perfect days for going to the bar." She pulled Lexa off the couch. Lexa went to grab her phone, but Anya swatted her hand away from it. "Stop hovering over the thing. It'll still be here after you get ready."

"What if she texts back?"

"You can answer it later. Now _go_. We can grab dinner on the way out, too. I'll even pay."

Well, with an offer like that, who was Lexa to refuse?

* * *

 

Clarke knocked on Lexa's door, Nerf gun in hand. She also had one strapped to her back, one to each thigh, and two more strapped in holsters on her hips.

When there was no answer, she knocked again.

She knew she looked ridiculous with a bandana around her head and a multitude of Nerf guns strapped to her. The warpaint waiting in her pocket to be added later wouldn't help either. But when Raven came barging into her room declaring that war was launching, Clarke had no option but to arm herself fully, preparing for the worst. And if she was preparing for all out war, she needed Lexa by her side. Her girlfriend had proven that she was the greatest weapon that Clarke could have against the army her best friend had gathered.

And knowing Raven, there were probably a few new weapons in her arsenal as well.

Clarke sighed in frustration and knocked again, hitting the butt of the gun in her hand against the door.

She probably should have responded to Lexa's text, but she figured that just showing up would get the job done just as efficiently. And she saw Lexa's car out front, so she knew she was home. She thought that she even saw Anya's, which could provide her with another fighter in this battle.

Clarke was just moving to knock again when the door swung open to reveal a rather pissed looking Anya. "What?" she barked.

"Uh..." Clarke trailed off, admittedly intimidated by the imposing figure that was Anya Woods. "Is Lexa here?"

"Yes."

Clarke waited a beat, hoping to be invited in. When that didn't seem to be the case, she shuffled her feet nervously. "Can I see her?"

"She's in the shower."

Clarke perked up at that. "Oh. Great! Do you mind if I wait for her in her room?"

"You've been ignoring her."

Clarke cringed. She was afraid Lexa would think that. And she could have probably reassured her girlfriend more than she did during the week. But she was really trying to focus on her final edits and she couldn't afford to be distracted in any way. The glare that Anya was sending her definitely made her think that idea was probably the worst she'd ever had.

Clarke looked down to the floor, studying the pattern of the hall carpet. "I didn't mean for her to think that."

"You did a piss poor job of making her think otherwise."

Another cringe. She didn't actually realize she was _that_ bad about it. She really was just super focused. "I realize that." She looked up and met Anya's glare. "But could you let me in so I can fix it?"

Anya quirked an eyebrow at her, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you planning to shoot the idea out of her?" She eyed all of the Nerf guns on Clarke's frame.

Clarke shrugged and grinned. "If that's what it takes."

Anya scoffed, and that's when Clarke knew she was past the worst of it with her girlfriend's sister. "She does have a pretty thick skull. You may need all the help you can get." Anya moved into the apartment, motioning for Clarke to follow her inside.

"Actually," Clarke started, brightening up at the comment. "That's exactly what I need. Are you busy?"

"Right now?"

"Well, not _right_ now, necessarily. First I have to go woo your sister and apologize for the little shit I've been this past week. But in, say, an hour or so?" Anya stopped in the living room, turning to study Clarke again. She looked to be seriously thinking over the question, wondering if she really wanted to tell Clarke she was free. Clarke pulled on her most innocent and hopeful smile. "Please?"

Anya sighed and dragged her hand down her face. "I know I'm probably going to regret this, but I'm free the rest of the evening. I was going to drag Lexa out, but it looks like you're going to derail that plan."

"Yes I am," Clarke said cheekily. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders now that her thesis paper was officially finished and sent in to her professor. She had even finished it two days early, and she couldn't be happier about the fact.

"Then fine. What do you need?"

Clarke pulled a wad of cash out of her pocket and passed it to Anya. Anya eyed it skeptically, continuing to hold her hand out in front of her.

"Well, if you _are_ free now, could you run to the store and buy as many good Nerf guns as possible with that? Oh, and a Nerf katana for Lex. Apparently she's better with a sword."

"She is."

"And you'll need whatever your preference is as well. Sword?" Clarke asked.

Anya shook her head. "Guns for me. Though Lexa always seemed to get around them when we were kids."

Clarke nodded. "Good to know. So, are you accepting your mission?" Clarke raised her eyebrows expectantly, trying to fight the smirk that was making its way across her lips.

Anya rolled her eyes and stuffed the cash into her pocket. "You got it, Captain." She walked to her room, saying over her shoulder, "Right after I change. I don't think work clothes are a good idea for whatever you're up to."

"You'd be right! Wear something fit for the battle of the century!" Clarke called after her before making her way to Lexa's room. She plopped down on Lexa's bed to impatiently wait for her girlfriend.

* * *

 

Lexa toweled off her hair as she made her way from the bathroom to her bedroom, another towel wrapped around her body. She had taken her time in the shower, letting the hot water pound out the tension she was holding in her back. With a sigh she pushed her door open to find one Clarke Griffin sitting on her bed with a smirk across her face.

Her girlfriend was leaning back on her hands, Nerf guns strapped all over her body and another resting in her lap. Clarke's eyes trailed up and down Lexa's body, focusing in on a water droplet Lexa felt dripping from her collarbone to the towel wrapped around her chest.

Lexa stood frozen in her doorway, shocked at the sight of Clarke waiting for her. To say the least, Clarke was the last thing she expected to find waiting for her after her shower.

"Clarke," Lexa finally choked out, taking an eager step forward before catching herself and freezing again.

"Lex," Clarke said, her features softening as she took in Lexa standing across from her. And for the first time in a long while, Lexa felt self conscious in Clarke's presence. She shifted on her feet nervously, eyes darting around the room before landing on her closet.

"Uhm, just let me..." she trailed off, pointing to her closet. Clarke nodded and watched her as Lexa made her way into her small walk-in closet. Lexa closed the door behind her and leaned against it heavily.

She was just surprised. That's all. Seeing Clarke surprised her. She wasn't upset or afraid. She had no reason to be. She wasn't afraid. She _wasn't_ afraid. She _wasn't afraid_.

Lexa took a deep breath, moving further into the closet to find clothes.

"Wear something combat ready!" Clarke called, her voice loud enough to indicate that she had moved closer to the closet.

"Why?" Lexa asked, eying her wardrobe for something that Clarke would deem 'combat ready.'

She knew Clarke was rolling her eyes at her. "Because we're about to go to war, Lex. Obviously."

"Obviously," Lexa mumbled under her breath, pulling out a pair of ripped jeans and a black tank top.

She could hear Clarke grumbling from the other side of the door. "You know what?" Clarke announced, much closer than she was a moment ago. "I'm coming in. Cover up what you don't want me seeing."

Lexa had just dropped her towel when she heard Clarke jiggle the door handle, preparing to push the closet door open. "Clarke! Can you just--" She fumbled with the towel now laying at her feet, trying to pull it back up to cover some of her naked body.

She wasn't quick enough. Clarke burst through the door, her features set in determination. Lexa held her towel against the front of her body, trying to cover at least a little of herself.

Clarke quirk an eyebrow in question, to which Lexa just rolled her eyes. "I wasn't ready!"

With a shrug, Clarke leaned against the doorframe, the Nerf gun on her hip clacking against the wood. She readjusted it so that it wasn't pressing against her uncomfortably. "I was tired of waiting. I thought you only took that long in the shower when I was with you."

"How long have you been here?" Lexa asked. She let her eyes trail up and down her girlfriend. She looked good. Great, even. Lexa felt as if she hadn't seen her other half in years with how much she wanted to just take in the sight of her.

Another shrug. "Too long. Have you always taken that long in the shower?"

"Not until recently," Lexa spat, her words harsher than she intended.

Clarke cringed at the bite in her tone. She sighed and moved further into the closet, inching her way toward Lexa. "Okay, we need to talk."

"You think?" Lexa knew the sarcasm wasn't helping, but she couldn't help herself. She was hurt. She was allowed a little bit of bite.

"Yeah, I deserved that," Clarke complied, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. "I've been an ass."

"Understatement of the century," Lexa mumbled under her breath.

Clarke apparently heard her well enough because her shoulders dropped in defeat. She reached her hand out hopefully before pulling it back to fall limply at her side. "Lex, I didn't mean to make you think I was ignoring you."

"You did a swell job of that," Lexa deadpanned, her expression stoney.

"I know, and for that I'm sorry."

"Just for that?"

"No, not just for that. For the timing of it, too. For putting something before you and our relationship. But Lex, you need to understand that I wasn't ignoring you or avoiding you the past week."

"Weren't you?"

"No, I wasn't," Clarke pressed adamantly. She took another step closer and Lexa pulled her towel tighter to her. "I wasn't ignoring you or avoiding you. Well, I guess I was ignoring you to an extent. But I was ignoring everyone. I turned my phone off most of the week, trying to focus."

"For your thesis."

"Yes, exactly. I needed to get it done. You know that."

Lexa's shoulders dropped as she let out a deep sigh. "Yeah, I know that."

"I needed to focus on that, and I think it's fair to say that you're a huge distraction for me," Clarke said with a hint of a smile. She reached forward again, touching Lexa's arm that hung at her side.

Lexa felt a smile tugging at her own lips. She had to admit she was kind of proud that she could distract Clarke that much. "I'm sorry."

Clarke pulled back slightly, confusion etching its way across her features. "For what?"

"For thinking that you'd actually ignore me like that."

"Well, I kind of did."

Lexa shook her head. "No, I thought you were mad at me. That you'd ignore me because you were angry with me."

Clarke's features melted again as she lunged forward, wrapping her arms around Lexa. "Oh Lex, no. I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry that you'd even think that I was."

"But the thing with Costia..."

"It happened, and it's over." Clarke pulled back, cupping Lexa's cheek as she stared intently into her eyes. "I told you, I love you. I'm not going anywhere, Lexa. I promise."

Lexa nodded and pushed forward, pressing their lips together for the first time in a week. She had never felt more relieved than in that moment, Clarke's tongue sliding against Lexa's lower lip before pushing inside to explore further. Lexa wrapped her free arm around Clarke's waist before pulling away quickly with a laugh.

Clarke groaned in frustration. "What?" she whined.

Lexa laughed again, tapping the Nerf rifle that Clarke had strapped across her back. "Do I even want to know why you're armed to your teeth?"

Clarke jumped back, releasing her hold on Lexa, her face lighting up in excitement. "Oh, right! About that. I'm going to need your help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's happening? Is this ACTUALLY the battle of the century? Are our heroes going to make it out alive?? Find out next time on TDDSiNTH!!
> 
> Seriously though, thanks for reading! The next chapter is going to be a fun one. It's one of my favorites, at least (I have quite a few of those, I've noticed). It'll be a good time, though. 
> 
> Comments/Requests/Kudos are love. Come find me on Tumblr @musiclurv !


	32. One Day I Will Beat You Fair and Square

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betrayal, plans, battle and... a bit of a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! This one's a bit longer and has the long awaited battle. Enjoy!

Anya, Lincoln, Monroe, and Lexa all sat before Clarke on Lexa's couch, in what they considered combat ready clothing. Which, in all actuality, meant dark clothes that they didn't mind getting dirty. Clarke eyed them all from head to toe, taking in her small army. It was tiny compared to what Raven was bringing to the battlefield, but it would do.

An array of Nerf weapons lay out on the Woods' coffee table, though Clarke had kept all of her own guns strapped to her. She wasn't willing to give up her own protection when they could choose from what Anya had retrieved from the store.

And had she come through with what she bought. Various shot guns, rifles, a machine gun, and a couple of katanas sat on the table, waiting to be chosen by her soldiers.

She caught Lexa eying the katana's with a spark of desire in her eye.

Clarke paced in front of her army, going over their battle plan in her head. Really, they didn't have a plan. They were going to go in and hope for the best. There was no way to plan for Raven, anyway. That girl was unpredictable.

Her phone buzzed from where she had put it on the table.

**Murphy (4:53 PM): Get me out of here, Princess.**

Clarke glared down at her phone in both confusion and frustration. Murphy had chosen Raven's side in this war. He shouldn't be contacting Clarke for anything at this point.

**Clarke (4:55 PM): You chose your side, traitor.**

She didn't have to wait long for a reply.

**Murphy (4:56 PM): The brainiac has gone insane. Bellamy's not helping the situation. And Octavia's calling for blood. It's a madhouse here.**

Clarke smiled triumphantly at her phone.

"Care to clue us in on what's happening?" Anya asked from her position on the couch. Lexa elbowed her with a glare.

Clarke looked up at them all with an excited smile. "We're gaining a man. The enemy forces are in disarray. He'll have intel on their plan."

Lexa stood from the couch. "Who is it?" she asked, her tone serious.

"Murphy. He's a wild card, but he's a strong fighter. Good at sneaking into places he shouldn't be."

"How do we know he's not part of their plan. A way to infiltrate our forces?"

Clarke had to smile at how serious her girlfriend was taking this. It had always been a running competition between her friends, and they all took it seriously whenever a battle launched, but to see her girlfriend joining in on that was exciting for her.

"Murphy is loyal to who he thinks will win. He's seen you fight and knows how good of a shot your are. He wouldn't put his neck on the line for someone he doesn't believe in."

"That doesn't really reinforce confidence in him," Anya added from her seat.

Clarke shook her head. "He hates indecision, but loves chaos. With Raven's team arguing among themselves, Murphy will want a way out. And anyway, if he does decide to betray us, Lexa can shoot him." She smirked at her girlfriend and waited for confirmation from Lexa before giving a firm nod. "Okay. I'll get him to come over here."

* * *

 

Murphy arrived quickly after Clarke texted him the address. His frustration was clearly evident as soon as he stormed through he door and past Clarke who let him in.

"They're a bunch of idiots," he announced, marching over to the couch and flopping down between Anya and Lincoln in Lexa's vacated seat. Lexa eyed him as he made himself at home on her couch, seeing Anya giving him a similar look. She also didn't appreciate the clear disrespect for Clarke when he pushed past her in the doorway.

"We know," Clarke said, walking back into the living room and moving to stand beside Lexa in front of the couch.

Murphy was armed head to toe, much like Clarke. He had clearly been involved in this game for just as long, and was ready for whatever today would bring.

He leaned forward onto his elbows. "No, you really don't. For a certified genius, Reyes is an imbecile. She has no idea what she's doing when it comes to battle tactics."

"But give the girl a rocket..." Clarke said with a chuckle. Lexa smiled when Clarke took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "What can you tell us about their plan?"

Murphy scoffed. "What plan? The entire session was basically Reyes laughing maniacally and the Blake's arguing over who was better fit to lead an army. And don't even get me started on Jasper and his weird obsession with everyone wearing goggles."

"Just how big is this army?" Anya asked, still eying Murphy skeptically. She had inched as far away from him as possible on their couch.

"Nine strong. Well, eight now," Clarke said, nodding toward Murphy.

Anya quirked an eyebrow. "And you needed six of us to go against them? You have Lexa."

They all looked to Lexa, who just shrugged it off. "They've seen me shoot now. We've lost the element of surprise there."

Anya nodded, standing to look down at the weapons still laying across the table. "Well, we've got quite the collection here. Between me and the Commander, they won't know what hit them."

The two shared a menacing grin. Lexa knew that the two of them together were a force to be reckoned with. They wouldn't go down without fight, and their competitive nature made that drive even stronger.

Lexa gave Clarke's hand another squeeze before letting go and taking a step forward. "Where are they setting up for battle?" Lexa asked Murphy.

He looked at her, sizing her up before apparently deeming her worthy of his attention. "There's an open field surrounded by trees not too far from campus. Apparently it's a little battle-worn already from some suspicious explosive launching that happened there not too long ago." He quirked a brow at Lexa and Clarke, clearly knowing that they had something to do with it. Lexa looked over her shoulder to see Clarke grinning innocently back at him. She looked back to catch the tail end of his dramatic eye roll. "Raven thinks it's the perfect spot for a dramatic last stand."

"Last stand?" Clarke asked, her curiosity evident.

"Yours, apparently. She says the Princess will finally meet her downfall." He laughed maniacally for a second before dropping back into a bored expression. "Her exact words."

Lexa scowled at the thought. Her threat of retribution for attacking Clarke had clearly been ignored. "No harm shall come to Clarke."

"We do all remember that this is a Nerf fight, right?" Monroe piped up from her corner of the couch. All heads whipped around to look at her, though Lincoln looked equally hesitant about the situation.

Murphy stood from his seat to face the girl head on. "This is life or death, girl."

Clarke nodded solemnly next to Lexa, and Lexa was pleased to note that Anya looked equally serious about the battle to come.

"If you're not all in on this then you might as well leave. We don't need to be distracted protecting you on the field," Murphy continued.

Monroe sunk in her seat while Lincoln glared at them all. "This all seems a bit extreme."

"Do you realize that Raven is considering this the last stand?" Clarke said, stepping forward to stand shoulder to shoulder with Lexa. Lexa noticed that her girlfriend held everyone's attention, all of those gathered watching her intently. She felt pride swell in her chest. "This is serious. She thinks this is the end of a war that has lasted well over a decade. You may not think it's that serious, but I will not go down without a fight. She has felled my friends, my family, and I will not let it continue. Raven falls tonight, with or without you." Clarke stared cooly at Monroe. "Now, are you with us?"

Monroe nodded, and when Lexa looked to Lincoln, he was nodding as well.

"I said, are you with us?" Clarke asked again, her voice rising. Clarke looked around to all of them surrounding her, meeting each of their eyes. She stopped on Lexa, their eyes locking intensely.

"We're with you, Clarke. Until the end," Lexa announced, moving to pick up the twin Nerf katanas and a gun. "Gear up!" she ordered.

The others gave a shout of agreement before layering on weapon after weapon to prepare for the oncoming battle.

* * *

 

Their group moved silently through the trees surrounding the location that the final battle was to take place. Most held guns up and ready, peering through scopes to see further. Lexa moved at Clarke's right flank, her swords in hand.

They came to a stop just inside the tree line where they wouldn't be visible to anyone watching for them. Lexa twirled the swords in her hands, rotating her wrists.

"Ready for this, Commander?" Clarke asked from her position slightly in front of Lexa. She looked over her shoulder with an excited smirk, the adrenaline of the moment making her shake with excess energy.

Lexa nodded, not looking away from the seemingly empty field in front of them. "This seems slightly familiar," she said with a small smile.

Clarke laughed quietly. "Too bad there won't be any big booms this time around."

"I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. And are we actually completely sure that Raven isn't planning on making something go boom?" Lexa looked around the clearing, trying to catch even the slightest movement in the trees opposite them.

"No, we definitely can't be sure she doesn't have something set up. But still. No fireworks this time."

"No. No fireworks. But..." Lexa moved to stand next to Clarke, moving both of her swords into one hand to wrap her arm around her girlfriend's waist, "I'll make sure you see some later. Celebratory night in?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, causing Clarke to chuckle.

"I think you're a bad influence on me, Commander."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lexa said, pulling her arm back from Clarke and standing straight, her chin jutting up in defiance.

"Sure you don't," Clarke said, looking back out at the field. Lexa took in her girlfriend next to her, finding herself slightly amazed at how intimidating she actually looked. With warpaint swiping out from her eyelids into her hairline and intricate braids woven throughout her hair, Clarke struck an imposing figure. The multitude of guns strapped to her definitely pushed that image even further, and Lexa thought that she wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of such a deadly beauty.

Lexa also knew that she looked similarly intense and battle ready. When Clarke presented the warpaint to their small group, Anya excitedly announced that Lexa _needed_ to go into full Commander mode right away. And thus, she ended up with the black warpaint covering her eyes and streaking down her cheeks. She had even opted to holster a couple of the guns to herself as well as donning her signature swords.

The rest of their group had divvied up the rest of the guns amongst themselves, though Anya had made it very clear that she had first pick. Lincoln seemed somewhat hesitant to join in on the violence, but was quick to select his own weapons when Lexa reminded him that their honor was at stake. Monroe also geared up quickly, and Murphy added another gun to the personal portable armory that was his body.

And when Lexa started a chant of "Blood must have blood" before they made their way into the sparse forest surrounding the clearing, the others had joined in with equal ferocity.

"You know," Clarke began quietly, her eyes still trained on the field for any movement, "The warpaint really brings out your eyes. You're looking good, Commander. If we weren't in a life or death situation..." she trailed off, her eyes darting to Lexa before quickly looking away again. The grin on her face told of just what she was suggesting.

Lexa hummed. "When this is over I'm going to hold you to that suggestion." She nudged Clarke lightly with her elbow.

"Please do."

A chirping whistle drew both of their attention to Anya who stood a few yards away. The older woman was motioning toward a small alcove in the opposite tree line where they could see the bushes shaking slightly.

Lexa gripped her swords tightly, staring the spot down and waiting for any indication as to who or how many were behind that spot.

"It'll be Jasper," Clarke said, staring at the same spot for a moment longer before looking away again. "He never knew how to keep still for longer than a few minutes."

They heard a scoff from a little to their right. "That's an understatement. I don't think I've ever seen the boy stay still for longer than fifteen seconds," Murphy said as he made his way slowly to stand next to Clarke. "What's the plan, Cap?"

Clarke chewed on her lip as she thought, her eyes darting around the field. "We have to draw them out, otherwise we'll be sitting here all night. Raven won't be foolish enough to launch the attack first when she knows Lexa can shoot down everyone on her team without a second thought. She doesn't know about the rest of our team, though. And from Anya's cockiness, I think it's fair to say that she's just as good as Lexa."

Lexa breathed out a short laugh. "She taught me everything that I know. I think I may have surpassed her, though."

"She said you're even better with the swords than you are with a gun."

"I am."

"Murphy, go back to your station. When I give the signal, we attack."

Murphy only nodded before moving back to his earlier position.

"Do you think you and Anya could get behind enemy lines?" Clarke asked, still watching for any sign of where Raven's team was. Lexa gave a short whistle and Anya appeared beside her only seconds later. " _How_ do you two move that quietly out here?" Clarke asked incredulously.

"Talent," Lexa said at the same time that Anya said, "Skill."

Clarke just rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Anyway, do you two think you could get behind them? Force them out into the field for us to engage?"

"I think we can manage," Anya said, silently plotting a path to the other side from their left.

Lexa nodded. "The field isn't too large to get around quickly. You'll have to be quick once we get them moving in your direction." She looked over at Clarke to see her sketching something into the dirt at their feet with a small stick.

"I want them here," she said, pointing to a spot just to the left of the center of the field she had just carved out. "That way we can get them from multiple angles where we're all positioned. Murphy will be able to launch an attack from his point further away, drawing their attention there first. When they move in that direction, Monroe and Lincoln will be able to approach from their position to the left. Raven will be closest to the back, preparing whatever it is she has planned. We need to get Octavia and Bellamy out as soon as possible."

"We can take care of them," Anya said confidently.

Clarke looked up at Lexa and Anya seriously. "If you miss, they will attack back even stronger. You can't give them the chance to know you're there. Knowing Raven, she has Octavia on her right, amping up what she considers her strong side. And, once you take Octavia out, Raven will be out for blood. So you _must_ move quickly."

"We got it, Cap. Don't worry." Anya moved to walk away, crouching low to the ground as she made her way back in the direction she came.

Lexa made to follow, but Clarke grabbed her arm quickly and stopped her.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, looking back at her girlfriend in confusion.

Clarke surged forward and pressed a swift but passionate kiss to Lexa's lips. "Be careful, okay?"

Lexa nodded. "I will be."

"Let Monroe and Lincoln know the plan when you pass them. I'll tell Murphy."

Another nod, but Clarke still didn't let go of Lexa's arm.

"Clarke, I have to go now if you want this plan to work."

"Right, yeah." Clarke let go of her arm. "Come back to me."

Lexa smiled softly, placing a soft kiss to Clarke's lips. "Always."

Without giving Clarke a chance to stop her again, Lexa swiftly moved through the trees, stopping to relay the plan to Lincoln and Monroe, before catching up to Anya as quickly and quietly as she could.

"It's about time," Anya said, pushing off the tree she was leaning against casually. "Get your good luck kiss?"

"Shut up." Lexa elbowed her sister as she walked past her. "Let's get moving. We don't have much time to put Clarke's plan in action."

Anya just followed Lexa as she led them through the trees, their steps almost completely silent. When they got closer, Anya broke the silence between them. "Are we far enough back to get a jump on them?"

Lexa paused and surveyed where they were. They probably should move a bit further away from the tree line, and Lexa indicated so before leading Anya further in.

Only a few yards further and they came to another stop, both crouching down to be hidden behind a fallen tree. Lexa tapped two fingers on the tree and pointed forward, toward the two enemy soldiers posted not far from them. Anya nodded and readied one of her guns. She propped it on the trunk they were hiding behind and looked through the scope.

"Two boys. One tall and tan with brown hair, the other Asian with floppy hair."

"Bellamy and Monty," Lexa provided. "That's one of our targets, at least. Get the tall one first. I can't imagine that Monty will be much of a challenge after that."

Anya nodded and lined up her shot. Bellamy was facing their way, but was looking angrily down at Monty, who was facing toward the clearing. "Three... two... one..." When she breathed out the "zero," Anya shot, the dart launching forward silently and hitting Bellamy directly in the middle of his chest.

He looked down in surprise, the dart sticking to his dark vest. Monty spun around, looking through the trees to try and spot their assailants.

"Hurry and get Monty before he can sound an alarm."

Without further comment, Anya shot her second dart, hitting Monty in the exact same spot she hit Bellamy.

"Perfect. Both kill shots. They're both down for the battle." Lexa made a move to climb over the log, but Anya stopped her quickly.

"Wait."

Lexa crouched back down on high alert, trying to see whatever it was that Anya did. After another few seconds, someone came storming through the trees from the opposite direction that Lexa and Anya had come from. Lexa sighed in relief that her sister had caught the commotion before she could show herself.

"Female, brunette, short. Looks sassy," Anya supplied, looking through her scope once again. "And pissed off," she added as the new person took in her two shot comrades.

"Yeah," Lexa said. "You need to shoot her now or she will be a problem."

Anya nodded and shot off another round, her aim true. Octavia spun around after the dart hit her directly between her shoulder blades, her eyes scanning the woods around them. Unfortunately for her, the rules of the game didn't allow her to make another sound to alert the others. She was effectively dead in their battle.

This time, when Lexa moved to climb over the fallen tree, Anya didn't stop her. She moved over to the three downed enemy soldiers, her katanas poised for attack. Anya trailed her, gun up and ready to shoot at a moments notice.

" _You_ ," Octavia growled lowly. Even in her anger she knew better than to break the rules and alert her team to Lexa's and Anya's presence.

"Me," Lexa said, motioning toward the ground. "You better get down there with the rest of your fallen. Wouldn't want anyone seeing a dead woman walking."

With a glare at Lexa, Octavia did as she was told, sitting down where she stood, feet from where Bellamy and Monty sat pouting.

"And now we flush them out," Anya said, signaling for Lexa to continue toward where they assumed the rest of Raven's team was waiting.

It didn't take them long to find the rest of Raven's team, all of them gathered somewhat closely together directly opposite from where Clarke was hiding. Lexa and Anya took up positions about fifteen feet apart, crouched down and ready to launch their attack.

The air stilled around them and Lexa took in a steadying breath.

When she released it, she raised her blades and they attacked.

* * *

 

Clarke sat as still as possible while she waited for the first glimpse of Raven's people. Lexa and Anya should have made it to the enemy's location by now, and they would be pushing from behind any minute.

She took in a deep breath and looked to her right to see Murphy poised to attack. He wasn't too happy about being a sort of decoy to begin with, but quickly relented when Clarke explained that Raven would be more inclined to attack him in her anger over his betrayal. He'd be the perfect distraction for Lincoln and Monroe to get the drop on them.

Looking back to the field, Clarke almost missed the first person stumbling out of the tree line.

Harper was quickly followed by Jasper and then Raven and Miller. She counted off from five before signaling Murphy to make his move.

The first shot launched and missed Raven by a hair. It drew her attention though, and the group began to storm across the field toward Murphy who had revealed himself to them after he shot. Raven stayed back, pulling Miller to guard her as she bent to pull something out of her backpack.

They needed to move before Raven prepped whatever that was.

Jasper went down first. Harper was quick enough to launch a counter attack, but each of her shots went wide of Murphy.

She didn't expect the shot from behind, apparently fired by Monroe. She went to one knee after being hit in the thigh, turning as much as she could to see the two that were approaching her from behind.

Lincoln fired the kill shot.

And then Anya and Lexa emerged, looking as intimidating as ever.

At the first sight of Lexa, Clarke moved to start her walk toward Raven and Miller. Her team surrounded the two, weapons trained on their targets.

"You're surrounded, Raven. Stop messing with whatever that is." Clarke inched forward, her gun aimed and ready to shoot if Raven showed any sign of a counter attack.

Raven glared up at her from her position on the ground. Her hands continued to work blindly on whatever was in her bag. "You sent your girlfriend to kill my fiancé."

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice," Lexa spoke from behind Raven. As if that was a signal, Anya pulled her gun and shot Miller.

Clarke smirked. "And she did such a good job of it."

"You're getting cocky now, Griffin," Raven announced, standing and pulling something from her bag in the same movement. "But I'm not going down without bringing you with me."

In her hands, Raven held what looked to be a ball of Nerf darts. There was an empty space on one side that appeared to have a pressure plate on it that she aimed to the ground.

"You'd kill yourself just to bring me down, Reyes?"

"As your girlfriend said, victory stands on the back of sacrifice."

Clarke's eyes darted between Raven's eyes and what was basically a Nerf bomb that she held in her hands. If they timed it right, they could down Raven without triggering the launching mechanism that Raven had rigged.

But they'd have to time it right. And hope that it didn't fall when Raven did.

"Are you willing to sacrifice your girlfriend and tiny army just to take me down?" Raven asked, holding the bomb out with one hand. "Careful now. My hand might just slip." She tilted her hand to the side slightly so that the ball wobbled dangerously. "Wouldn't want that."

Clarke met Lexa's eyes over Raven's shoulder. She had apparently abandoned her swords for the gun she held trained on Raven's back. Clarke gave a single nod before saying quietly, "Duck."

Lexa, Murphy and Anya all dived away from Raven, covering their heads with their arms. In the same moment, Clarke shot Raven in in the stomach, causing Raven to drop the bomb to the ground. Clarke threw herself to the ground as quickly as she could. Lincoln threw Monroe back, pulling them both to the ground.

The following moments were chaos.

The darts launched in all directions, but seemed to mostly miss her people. Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of Raven's contraption.

Clarke looked up just in time to see the center of the bomb expand before the sides launched off, releasing jets of colored paint in all directions.

By the time the assault stopped, Clarke knew she was covered from head to foot down her back.

She stood and found the rest of her team standing back up, trying to look over their backs to see the extent of the damage.

Clarke felt the paint dripping down her back and knew there was no hope that she could save her clothes from being thrown in the garbage.

Raven stood in the middle of Clarke's team, grinning broadly and triumphantly, the excitement obvious in her features. Different colors of paint covered her entire front, dripping down her frame. Miller stood beside her, soaked in every color imaginable, stunned.

"That. Was. _Awesome_!" she cheered, fist pumping in the air. "Clarke, did you see that?" she asked excitedly, launching herself forward to grab Clarke's hands in her own.

"Can't say that I did. But I do feel it." She shuffled on her feet, the paint tickling as it dripped down her back. "Don't you think that was a bit much?"

"A bit much?" Raven asked incredulously, though the excited smile never left her face. She tried to pull Clarke into a hug, but Clarke pushed her away. "It was the best idea I think I've ever had!"

"As opposed to, you know, proposing to me," Octavia said, announcing her presence as she made her way out of the woods. Bellamy, Monty and Maya followed behind her, all of them looking equally confused. "Do I want to know what happened?" She quirked a brow at the group, her eyes darting between Raven and Clarke.

"Only the most amazing end to a battle _ever_!" Raven announced, bounding over to Octavia.

"Babe, I love you, but if you even think about touching me while covered in paint, you're going to be sleeping on the couch the first month of our marriage."

Raven froze mid-step as if calculating if the risk was worth the reward. She apparently came to the conclusion that the threat was in all actuality empty, and launched herself the rest of the way to wrap Octavia in a bone crushing hug.

"So," Lexa started, edging around Raven and Octavia as Octavia tried to push her fiancé off of her, "Does that mean we lost?"

Lexa, for her part, took much more of the blast than Clarke would have expected. Her hair was sticking up at random angles, having fallen from the braids she had it in. She had colored paint streaking down the sides of her face, mixing with her war paint, and had somehow gotten a blob of bright pink on the tip of her nose.

Clarke chuckled and moved to wrap Lexa in her arms. She rubbed her nose against her girlfriends, smearing the pink paint onto her own nose as well. "I'd say we won."

"No way, Griff!" Raven yelled, having finally let go of Octavia. Octavia stomped around the field, trying to fling off the paint that she was now covered in. "I totally won that one!"

"You were dead before the bomb went off," Lexa argued. She turned to look at Raven, pressing her back to Clarke's front. Clarke would have objected to her front now being covered in paint from Lexa's back, but she couldn't find it in her to push Lexa away. Instead, she just squeezed her waist and rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder.

"And you were all dead after. One shot to take you all down."

"Well, except me." Murphy moved back into the field from where he had run off to escape the blast. He had somehow managed to escape getting hit by even a little bit of paint, weaseling away like he always seemed to do.

Clarke's eyes lit up at the sight of his clean form. "So that means..." she trailed off, looking over to Raven triumphantly.

Raven stared at Murphy in shock, her jaw dropped in confusion. "Wait, you--how could--I don't--"

"Words, Reyes," Clarke said around a laugh. She disentangled herself from Lexa, sighing down at her now completely paint covered form for a second before patting Murphy on the shoulder. "As the rules say, last man standing. And, because Murphy joined our side..."

Raven threw her head back with a dramatic groan, running her hands through her hair in frustration. "I can't believe you still managed to win!"

Clarke let out the laugh she was trying to hold in, surprised even herself with their impressive win. "I can't either, but I did! Suck on that, Reyes!" And she stuck her tongue out like the mature adult she was.

Covered in paint and completely confused, all of her friends burst out laughing while Raven continued whining.

(Anya just glared from her seat on the ground, pretending to be angry about the paint. They all knew she found it funny, too.)

* * *

 

"To be completely fair," Clarke said as she and Lexa entered her apartment, "I wasn't expecting to end up covered in paint today. That was all Raven, so you can't blame me."

"I can blame you for dragging me into this mess," Lexa countered. She walked gingerly, trying to prevent any paint from falling from her and onto the floor of Clarke's apartment. The hardwood wouldn't suffer too much from it, but it'd be a pain to clean up if it ended up drying there.

Clarke just shrugged. "You're the one that declared you'd be defending me." She turned to wrap her arms around Lexa's shoulders, drawing her attention away from her careful steps. "And you did such a great job." She kissed Lexa's cheek before pulling away again.

Lexa hummed. "I did, didn't I?"

"Yes you did." Clarke made her way back to her bathroom, not bothering to pay attention to the still somewhat wet paint that she was undoubtedly trailing behind her. She'd just clean it up later. Or she'd make Raven do it. It was her paint bomb, after all.

Lexa trailed after her, albeit more conscious of the paint on her own body. "And I'm thinking that deserves some kind of reward."

"Oh you do, do you?" Clarke looked over her shoulder at her girlfriend, quirking an eyebrow.

"Definitely."

"And just what do you suggest?"

Lexa pretended to think about it for a moment, tapping her chin. "Well, it has to be something equal to the sacrifice made, I think."

"Uh-huh. And what exactly was sacrificed?"

Lexa looked down the front of her body pointedly. It had somehow, very mysteriously, become just as covered in paint as Clarke's at some point on their trip back to the apartment. (It was totally because Clarke couldn't resist pressing Lexa to a tree and making out with her on their walk back. A celebratory kiss, if you will.)

"When you put it that way, I guess you do deserve a reward for your services."

"Yes I do."

"How about," Clarke began, grabbing Lexa's hand and pulling her into the bathroom, "I help you clean off all that _sacrifice_ you made?" She wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck, trailing her lips from Lexa's cheek to her ear. "How does that sound?" She tugged on Lexa's earlobe with her teeth.

Lexa breathed out shakily. "Definitely sounds like a start."

Clarke released Lexa's ear with a soft chuckle. "Fair enough, _Commander_." Lexa's hands gripped at Clarke's waist tightly, fighting the shiver that Clarke knew the name enticed. "Ready?" Clarke breathed into Lexa's ear.

" _So_ ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paint bombs are the worst, am I right? But our girls certainly seemed to make the best of it.
> 
> Hope you liked that chapter! It was a lot of fun to write. Let me know in the comments below if you would have been on Clarke's or Raven's side. Or maybe if you wouldn't mind having a paint bomb. Because I wouldn't. That's freaking awesome. 
> 
> ALSO, I'm working on a new story that's being updated much more frequently than this one (it's completely written and MUCH shorter, so that's the reason there). If you want to check it out, it's called If/Then and can be found on my profile. You should totally check it out. It's based on a musical that I absolutely love, and it's a good time. You know me. I'm all about the fluff, but it has a totally different feel than this one. There's a bit more drama. It's good though. I promise.
> 
> As always, comments/requests/kudos are always loved and welcomed. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv
> 
> See you next week!


	33. But I'd Rather Stay on the Sofa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot chocolate, dorks, and custody battles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter this week guys. But next week will be quite a bit longer. I didn't want to break up that chapter at awkward parts, though. So this is what you're getting. Enjoy!

"What it is about hot chocolate that makes it perfect for any time of year?"

Lexa chuckled but didn't look away from her laptop screen. "I think that may just be your abnormal obsession with it."

Clarke held the mug of steaming hot chocolate tightly between her hands, her legs curled up on the couch beside her as she watched Lexa work on her book. "I think that you're just abnormally not obsessed with it enough."

"Does that even make sense?"

Clarke shrugged. "Sure it does."

"Uh-huh. If you say so."

"I do."

Lexa smiled and continued writing. She was close to being finished with her first draft, and she wanted to get it all down as quickly as possible. Really, she should have been finished over a month ago (by her own pre-set schedule), but distractions that she hadn't accounted for arose. And by distractions, she meant Clarke.

Clarke and her now abundantly clear schedule other than working at the gallery. Clarke and her ridiculously distracting lips and hands and body and...

Lexa shook her head, trying to clear it of those thoughts before she got too carried away. She couldn't even blame Clarke for that train of thought. Her girlfriend was being decidedly well behaved for the time being. She had arrived at Lexa's apartment over two hours ago and had yet to try to pull Lexa away from her work. She had even brought one of her many anatomy textbooks to study while siting silently. In fact, the hot chocolate discussion was the first time the blonde had spoken since she had gotten there other than a quick greeting.

Lexa looked over at Clarke to find her girlfriend already watching her with a content smile on her face.

"Yes?" Clarke asked innocently.

Lexa stared at her for a second longer. Really, she was so lucky to have somehow managed to win Clarke over. She was just so, _so_ beautiful. Lexa shook her head, her own smile forming. "Nothing. Just..." She leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to Clarke's lips. "You're wonderful."

Clarke laughed lightly. "You're just now figuring this out?"

Lexa shrugged. "Well, there was this massive dork facade that previously hid it."

"So you're saying dorks can't be wonderful."

"They can be wonderfully dorky."

"That's unfortunate."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're probably the biggest dork I have ever met."

Lexa pulled her hand to her chest with a gasp. "Are you insinuating that I am not wonderful?"

"According to you, you're wonderfully dorky."

Clarke sipped at her hot chocolate trying to hide her triumphant smirk. Lexa knew it was there, though. She could see it in the gleam in Clarke's eyes. Her wonderfully blue eyes. God, Lexa was so far fallen for this girl it was ridiculous.

"Well, you fell for a wonderfully dorky person, then. What does that say about you?"

"That I settle."

"Rude!" Lexa playfully smacked Clarke's arm with a laugh. Clarke joined in a second later, finally giving up on trying to hide her amusement.

With a roll of Lexa's eyes, they settled into silence again. Clarke grabbed her textbook back off the coffee table, placing her now empty mug there instead. She still had a while until her MCATS, Lexa knew, but she was proud of Clarke for seriously studying so early.

It didn't take long for Clarke to scoot over closer to Lexa, pressing into her side and resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. Without a thought, Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulders and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. Typing with one hand wasn't _that_ hard, after all.

* * *

 

Clarke lay sprawled out on her couch, debating the merits of studying some more. Really, she probably should. In actuality, any exertion of effort for the time being seemed like _too_ much effort.

And so she lay, alone in her apartment, staring at the ceiling and justifying said inaction in her head. As if anyone but her really cared if she took a day off from studying.

"Honey, I'm home!" Raven yelled as she burst into the apartment.

"In case the door banging against the wall didn't announce your arrival," Clarke mumbled. She lazily pushed herself into a half sitting position so she could see Raven when she walked into the living room.

"And," Raven called, poking her head into the room, "I brought someone along with me." She dragged Octavia into the room.

"Very surprising, I know," Octavia said with a roll of her eyes and a fond smile at her fiancé.

Clarke fell back down onto the couch with a soft laugh. "I think we've gotten to the point where we can assume that you are with each other at any given moment."

"As if you and Lexa aren't just as bad," Raven argued.

Clarke lifted her hands and gestured to the otherwise empty apartment. "Clearly that isn't so. Unless my girlfriend has somehow developed the skill to turn invisible."

"You never know with the Commander. She's a stealthy one," Octavia said. The group had taken to calling Lexa by her nickname after the absolute slaughter of Raven's team during the last nerf battle. She had definitely left a lasting impression on Clarke's friends, and Clarke couldn't be more proud of that fact. Let them be slightly afraid of her big goofball of a girlfriend.

Clarke shrugged with a grin, neither confirming nor denying Octavia's statement.

"It's actually perfect that you're here," Raven said. She plopped down in the only empty space on the couch slightly above Clarke's head, causing Clarke to bounce with the movement. Raven patted her lap invitingly and Clarke scooted up to rest her head in Raven's lap. Octavia took the other end of the couch, lifting Clarke's legs onto her lap.

"I'm actually somewhat afraid to ask why."

"It's nothing bad," Octavia reassured.

"Just a simple request."

"And we wanted to wait until you weren't as stressed with your final paper and all of that."

"You do have more free time now."

"As indicated by the complete lack of effort given in your current actives."

"And because you've been so much help already..." Raven trailed, Octavia picking up where she had left off.

"We thought you'd be willing to help us out with this as well."

"Because you're important to us and we'd really appreciate your involvement."

"Okay, okay!" Clarke interrupted, afraid that they would continue indefinitely if she didn't. "What do you want?"

"Well, you're our best friend," Octavia said.

"Noted."

"And now we've come to the dilemma," Raven added.

"And what, exactly, is this dilemma?" Clarke asked.

"That you're _our_ best friend. As in, we share you equally," Octavia explained.

"Yes, that's usually how best friends work," Clarke said, still very much confused as to where this was going.

"And I told Octavia that I actually get rights to you because I've known you longer," Raven said.

"But I told Rae that the amount of time of the friendship doesn't matter because we're all close. The fact that it took me less time than she did to get just as close to you as she is currently actually indicates that I'm the better friend," Octavia argued.

"Hey! I think it's worth noting that I put up with Griffin and her drama for far longer than you, showing that I have a much higher level of patience and love for her."

"I'm really feeling that right now," Clarke cut in.

"Sorry, Griff," Raven said, though she kept a glare firmly aimed at Octavia. "My point still stands, though."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "Just because you've been around longer doesn't mean that you're closer to her." She crossed her arms. "I mean, we were both there during all of the real drama, anyway."

"You didn't have to experience middle school. And let me tell you, Clarke Griffin in middle school was a sight to see. Hormones everywhere."

"Hey! I was not that bad!" Clarke sat up abruptly and glared at Raven. "If I remember correctly, you were just as bad as me."

"We were both discovering ourselves. That's another point! We figured out our sexualities together," Raven said triumphantly.

"So? If I had lived anywhere near you two, I'm sure we would have been friends sooner."

"But you didn't, and we weren't. So Clarke clearly belongs to me. You can find your own Maid of Honor," Raven concluded, sticking her tongue out at her fiancé.

Clarke looked between her two friends. "Is that what this is about? Which one of you gets me as your Maid of Honor?"

Both Octavia and Raven nodded, shooting glares at each other across Clarke.

She looked at Raven. "And you thought insulting me would persuade me to be yours?" Octavia looked at Raven smugly. "That doesn't mean you won, O." Octavia's smile fell.

"But you're my best friend," Octavia said with a pout.

"She's my best friend, too," Raven said, getting noticeably angrier.

Clarke stood up, facing her friends on the couch. "Okay, you both need to calm down. This is not something you should be arguing about."

"Well, you have to stand beside one of us," Raven pointed out. Clarke thought on that. She would have to stand beside one of them on their wedding day. And it _had_ always been Raven and Clarke before Octavia joined their crew. So Raven did make a good point there. But both Raven and Octavia were her best friends, and it wasn't fair to make her, or anyone for that matter, choose who she'd stand beside on their wedding day.

"No I don't," Clarke said calmly, having come to a conclusion about the issue.

"Wait, what?" Raven whipped her head around to look at Clarke, looking almost insulted.

Octavia looked down into her lap, glaring at her hands. "So you won't be either of ours?"

"That's not what I said," Clarke said with a sigh. She sat down between her two best friends, grabbing their hands in her own. "I love you both. You're my best friends. I'm not going to choose between you two."

"But we want you in our wedding," Octavia said.

Clarke nodded. "And I will be. I'll be _both_ of yours. _Together_. Because that's what this day is all about anyway, right? You two being _together_. Not arguing over who gets custody of your best friend."

"She has a point," Raven said, though slightly begrudgingly.

Octavia hummed her agreement. "She's a smart one, our Griffin."

The two smiled slightly at each other, clearly embarrassed by their previous arguing.

"You'd still have to stand beside one of us, though," Raven pointed out. "So you'd still be choosing sides.

Clarke shook her head. "No I won't. How would you two like your wedding present to be made on your wedding day, during the ceremony?"

Both Raven and Octavia looked at her with confusion. With a slight chuckle, Clarke laid out her plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Progress on the wedding front! Good times had by all. Fun times to come. Everything's good. 
> 
> The next bit of this story is actually my favorite part. I really hope y'all will like it. My first reader (who actually prompted this story to begin with) seemed to enjoy it. So I'm hoping for the same with y'all.
> 
> Any thoughts on what Clarke's plan is? I mean, I think it's pretty obvious. But I also want to see what y'all come up with.
> 
> As always, Comments/Kudos/Requests are always welcomed and loved. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv . If you do seek me out on there, let me know you're coming from Ao3 so I can follow you back!


	34. The Songs on the Radio are Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A draft, a quick decision, and a road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So this chapter did end up getting split into two because if it wasn't then it would be a lot longer than the rest (and I'm trying to keep them all around the same size). So enjoy!

_"You fell asleep in my_  
_Car I drove the whole time_  
_But that's okay_  
_I'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine."_  
_-Twenty One Pilots "Tear in My Heart"_

Lexa dropped a printed copy of the first rough draft of her book on the coffee table in front of Clarke, causing the blonde to startle from her reading abruptly.

"Jesus, Lex," Clarke gasped, putting a hand over her racing heart. After a moment of Lexa just grinning down at her Clarke finally looked at the manuscript now displayed on Lexa's coffee table. "Is that...?"

Lexa nodded eagerly, her grin spreading impossibly wider.

"You finished it?" Clarke asked, reaching forward and trailing her fingertips over the first page reverently.

Lexa nodded again, moving to sit next to Clarke. She grabbed the manuscript eagerly and pulled it into her lap, looking down at it in slight awe. She had been working on this for over a year now, and she finally had a physical copy in her hands. Of course, she had loads of editing to do and had to actually send it off to get it published some day, but the printing of her book was still huge, draft or not.

"It's just the draft," Lexa explained, looking up at Clarke. She could feel the smile trying to take over her features again, but tried to hold it back, sure that she looked ridiculous. "I still have a long way to go. But this..."

Clarke reached over and grabbed Lexa's hand that rested on the first page of her draft. "It's amazing, Lexa. Really. You've worked so hard on this."

Lexa nodded, looking down at their clasped hands. She had worked hard on this. And she was so tired, but so excited to start the next part of the process. But that didn't mean she couldn't take a little, well deserved break from it. Clarke could use a break, too. In fact...

"Let's go on a road trip," Lexa announced suddenly, looking over at Clarke excitedly.

Clarke looked at her, the confusion evident in the scrunch of her brow. "What?"

"Let's go on a road trip. Get away for a while. Just you and me." The more Lexa thought about it, the more she realized what a good idea a road trip was. They'd get away from all the stress of their day-to-day lives. They'd be able to just spend time together, getting to know each other even more than they already did.

"Where are we going?" Clarke asked.

Lexa perked up at Clarke's phrasing. "Is that a yes?" She squeezed Clarke's hand in her own.

Clarke quirked an eyebrow with a slight smirk. "That was a question, actually. Where are we going on this proposed road trip?"

Lexa shook her head, her smile spreading again, making her cheeks hurt. "Don't know. Don't care. We can just drive. See where we end up."

"And get murdered along the way."

Lexa waved off the suggestion. "No way. We'll be perfectly safe. Only stop when we need to. Maybe we'll discover some long forgotten town."

"Or maybe we'll get mugged at a shady gas station."

Lexa shrugged. "It'll be a great story to tell the kids one day."

"Kids?" Clarke asked, curious and slightly exasperated, but clearly content with the thought.

"Some day. Not today. Today, we go on a road trip."

Clarke sat up straight. "Wait, today? Like, now? Lex, we have to plan at least a little before we just disappear for a while."

"Why? Let's just go." She turned to Clarke and grabbed her other hand. "Just you and me, on an adventure. Maybe it'll only last a day, maybe longer. But let's just go. See what the world has to offer. Drive until we run out of gas, fill up, and then drive some more." She looked into Clarke's eyes beseechingly. "Please, Clarke? We could both use a break."

Clarke chewed on her lower lip while she thought it over. Lexa could see the arguments flashing in her eyes, going back and forth between wanting to be responsible and wanting to just let go for a bit. Finally, she nodded and squeezed Lexa's hands. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Clarke smiled softly, letting go of one of her hands to pat Lexa's knee. "Go grab some bags. We need to pack."

Lexa smiled brightly and leaned over to give Clarke an excited kiss to the cheek before launching off of the couch to go grab some duffle bags from her bedroom.

* * *

 

" _You're doing_ what _?_ " Clarke cringed as her mother's voice all but yelled from the other side of the call as Lexa drove down the winding road to the interstate. She didn't even have the phone on speaker, yet she was sure Lexa could hear both sides of their conversation.

"We're going on a road trip, Mom."

The sigh that received was deep and Clarke could hear the aggravation in the one breath. " _Yes, you said that. But where are you driving to?_ "

Clarke shrugged even though she knew her mother couldn't see it. She noted Lexa's slight smirk at the action and rolled her eyes. "Don't know. We'll figure it out on the way."

" _What if something happens? What if you get mugged? What if you get murdered?_ "

"Like mother, like daughter," Lexa murmured under her breath. Clarke smacked her lightly on the hand that Lexa had resting on the gearshift. Lexa just turned her hand over and grabbed Clarke's hand, twining their fingers together. She brought their hands up to her lips and placed a kiss on the back of Clarke's with a soft smile.

"We won't get mugged. Or murdered. We'll be fine, Mom. Promise." Clarke watched Lexa as she drove, exasperated but so, so in love with her.

Clarke could hear her mother mumble something that suspiciously sounded like a stream of curses before her voice returned to the phone full force. " _I haven't even met Lexa. How do I know she's not actually kidnapping you?_ "

"She's not."

" _That's exactly what a kidnapper would make her victim say._ "

"Mother."

" _Clarke_."

" _Mother_."

" _Clarke_."

Lexa chuckled again, earning an admonishing squeeze of her hand. Not that she minded as far as Clarke could tell.

"Mother, Lexa is not a kidnapper. You can call Raven or Octavia and they'll vouch for that. I'll be fine."

" _You keep saying that but--_ "

"I'll text you when we stop for the night."

" _How long is this road trip--_ "

"I don't know, Mom. We're kind of playing it by ear. Letting the road lead where it may."

" _That's incredibly irresponsi--_ "

"I _know_ , Mom. That's kind of the point. Letting go of responsibilities for a while."

" _Clarke, you're going to be a doctor. You can't let go of responsibilities._ "

Clarke huffed. "And that's exactly why we need this trip. I'm not a doctor yet, and I won't have a lot of free time in the near future."

" _You should be studying for your exams._ "

Another eye roll. "I have been studying, Mom. Lexa even made sure to pack a couple of my text books in case I want to study on the drive."

Her mother was quiet for a moment, clearly trying to come up with more arguments. " _That was very considerate of her,_ " she finally admitted, though begrudgingly.

Clarke chuckled. "Yeah, she can be pretty considerate sometimes."

Lexa feigned insulted at the comment, eyes remaining on the road. Clarke laughed and brought their hands up to place her own kiss on Lexa's hand.

" _What are you laughing at?_ " Clarke's mom drew her attention back to the phone conversation abruptly.

"Nothing. Just Lexa."

" _Is she mocking me?_ "

"No, Mother. She is not mocking you." At that, Lexa began to pull over to the side of the road, putting the car in park after she made it safely to the shoulder. She held out her hand to take the phone from Clarke.

"May I?" she asked politely, looking at Clarke expectantly.

"Is this really the first conversation you want to have with my mother?" Clarke asked, holding the phone slightly away from her ear.

Lexa shrugged with a smile. "It'll have to happen sooner or later. Speaking with me may assuage her worries a little."

Clarke thought it over, looking between the phone and Lexa's held out hand. She brought the phone back to her ear. "Mom, Lexa wants to talk to you. Here she is." She didn't wait for a response before handing over the phone.

" _\--hand me over to your girlfriend like that. Clarke! Clarke are you--_ "

"Good afternoon, Dr. Griffin," Lexa greeted, her tone formal and professional. Clarke wanted to call her out on it, but noticed the slight smirk on her girlfriend's lips.

"Put it on speaker," Clarke whispered. Her mother had apparently started to speak at a more respectable volume now that she was talking to someone she didn't know.

Lexa obliged to Clarke's request, holding the phone slightly away from her mouth so that the mic would still pick her up clearly.

" _I mean really, whose idea was it to go on an unplanned road trip, anyway?_ " Clarke's mother continued on her current rant.

"That would be me, Dr. Griffin. I made the suggestion earlier this morning and Clarke agreed."

" _That sounds incredibly irresponsible, Lexa._ "

"Maybe so. But I can promise you that I will take extreme care on this trip and will make sure to get your daughter home in one piece."

" _You don't even know how long this trip is going to last._ "

Clarke fought the urge to rub at the headache that was slowly forming above her eyes.

"No, I can't say that I do. But we'll make sure to keep you updated on our progress throughout. And you're free to get in touch with us any time you wish."

Abby Griffin was not an easy woman to appease, but Lexa was doing a damn good job at trying to do just that. Clarke smiled fondly at her girlfriend, touched that she'd try on her behalf.

The line was silent for a few moments before Clarke's mom spoke again. " _I'm just worried that something's going to happen._ "

"As is reasonable," Lexa agreed. "But if I may, ma'am, something bad could happen any day, at any time. This road trip isn't going to be any more dangerous than Clarke walking around downtown at night like she's wont to do."

" _It was_ one _time_ ," Clarke whisper yelled, trying not to let her mother overhear her.

" _She walks around downtown? By herself?_ "

Clarke couldn't resist the urge to rub at her forehead any longer. Really, trying to talk her mother into agreeing with something could be headache inducing sometimes.

Lexa breathed out a laugh. "I only know of one time specifically, which was with me. But with the gallery opened down there, I'm sure it has happened more often than that."

" _And you let her do that?_ "

"She's a grown woman, Dr. Griffin."

" _A damn stubborn one, at that._ "

Lexa laughed fully at that. "That is very true."

Clarke's jaw dropped as she stared at her girlfriend joking with her mother over the phone. Making fun of her, no less.

"Alright, alright!" Clarke said loudly enough to be picked up on the phone's mic. "We've really got to get going, Mom."

" _Gotta make it to the unknown destination on time, huh?_ " her mom asked. Clarke could hear the smile in her tone. Really, there was nothing that Lexa couldn't do if she could make Clarke's mother relax.

"Exactly," Lexa agreed, smiling as well.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "We'll talk to you later, alright?"

" _Alright, sweetheart. Make sure she texts me when you stop tonight, Lexa._ " Clarke felt like she should be insulted at her mother not trusting her to send the text herself, but she couldn't muster up the frustration to do so in the face of her mother and girlfriend getting along. " _And Clarke,_ " her mother continued, " _please send me Lexa's number. I'd like to have it on hand in case you let your phone die like you usually do._ "

"Okay. Bye, Mom. Love you," Clarke said, ready for the conversation to be over.

" _Bye, honey. Love you, too. Bye, Lexa. Drive safe!_ "

"Will do, Dr. Griffin."

With that, Clarke grabbed her phone from Lexa and quickly hung up, glaring down at the device as if her mother could feel it.

"That wasn't so bad," Lexa said, pulling back out onto the road to continue driving.

The glare Clarke shifted to her girlfriend only made Lexa laugh again.

* * *

 

Lexa maneuvered her car through another winding backroad as they made their way southwest. She didn't have a destination in mind, but getting out of city life sounded good.

She glanced over to Clarke who was sitting beside her with her feet propped up on the dash board, staring out the window as the scenery passed by. She had finally settled on a radio station that was coming through clearly just a little while earlier, after having flipped through the stations at a somewhat annoying speed. But really, her frustration at the selections of songs playing was actually pretty cute in Lexa's opinion.

Lexa looked back out to the road, noticing a split coming up ahead.

"Left or right?" she asked, drawing Clarke out of her daydreaming.

"Hm?" Clarke asked, rolling her head against the headrest to look at Lexa.

Lexa came to a stop at the fork in the road, gesturing to their options. "Left or right?"

"Do we know what's in either direction?"

"There was a sign a while back, but I didn't pay much attention to it."

"Helpful."

"I do try."

Clarke laughed and sat up in her seat, letting her feet fall to the floorboard as she leaned forward. She looked down each road, as if she could see what they both lead to. Finally giving up on seeing anything, she sat back in her seat again. "Got a coin?"

"A coin?"

"Quarter, dime, dorky fandom emblem?"

"You really do think I'm a huge nerd, don't you?"

"You are a huge nerd, babe." Clarke pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek. "But it's cute. Now, a coin?" She held her hand out expectantly.

Lexa rolled her eyes, but reached into her pocket to see if she had any spare change. She found a quarter and handed it over to Clarke.

"Perfect. Heads for right, tails for left." She flicked the coin up into the air, letting it spin a few times before it fell back into her hand. When she opened her hand, the coin was facing tails up. "Left it is. Onward, Commander, to adventure!" Clarke pointed out to the left road dramatically.

Lexa obediently put on her blinker and pulled onto the left road. "And here I thought you were worried about hidden dangers on our trip."

"Danger's all part of the adventure, Lex."

"Hm. So you're glad we did this?"

Clarke smiled at her, really, truly content. "Yeah, I'm glad we did this."

* * *

 

"I hate that we did this," Clarke grumbled, getting out of the car and stomping over to the side of the road angrily. She looked out at the open field in front of her, arms crossed and scowl firmly in place. It was the second day of their trip, just a bit past noon, and they were hungry and lost.

Lexa quickly followed her out of the car, slamming the door a bit harder than she probably should have. "And just what happened to 'all part of the adventure'?"

"The adventure wasn't supposed to include us getting lost and running out of gas miles away from any town!" Clarke barked angrily, throwing her hands up in the air. "Do you have any idea where we even are, Lexa?"

Lexa looked around, hoping to see some sort of sign on the road. When she didn't, she tried for a bit of humor. "Clearly, Clarke, we are on the side of the road by a lovely field."

Clarke rolled her eyes, turning away from Lexa and gripping at her hair. "What the hell are we going to do?"

Lexa tried to place her hand comfortingly on Clarke's shoulder, but Clarke just shrugged her off. "Clarke," Lexa tried, hoping that by keeping her tone soft she'd get Clarke to calm down some.

Clarke whipped around and pointed a finger in Lexa's face. "Don't you 'Clarke' me. Why weren't you paying more attention to the meter?"

"I was!" Lexa said, her temper getting away from her for a second. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened her eyes again when she calmed back down. "I was watching it, Clarke. I wasn't expecting it to drop so quickly, and I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't get us back on the road."

"Technically, we're still on the road."

"Not. Helping."

Lexa cringed. Okay, that comment totally wasn't necessary for her to make. She sat down on the side of the road, her back against the car.

"So you're just going to sit there and hope for the best?"

"No," Lexa said, pulling out her phone. "I'm going to call AAA and get someone out here to help us."

"And how long will that take?"

Lexa shrugged. "Not sure. Are you in a hurry to get somewhere?" She raised her brow at Clarke teasingly, knowing that they really had nowhere else to be at the moment. It was an unplanned road trip, after all. And that included unplanned hold-ups as well.

Clarke just grumbled and stomped a few yards away into the field.

When Lexa got off the phone, she stood from the ground to open up the trunk of her car. Luckily, she had actually planned for these unplanned problems and had packed some snacks to tide them over if they got stuck somewhere. So, she pulled those out as well as the sketchbook and pencil she had hidden away (another _just in case_ , along with some other art materials in case inspiration struck), and made her way over to Clarke where she was glaring out at the skyline.

"Here," Lexa said, handing over the bag of trail mix while hiding the sketchbook and pencil behind her back. Clarke's eye darted to the offered bag and then back out to the horizon, ignoring the offer. Lexa sighed and let the bag drop to her side. "I'm sorry, Clarke. I should have paid more attention to the meter. I thought we were closer to a town than we actually were."

Clarke looked up and let her shoulders droop, the tension she was holding in them falling. "I'm sorry I got so angry."

"It's understandable."

Clarke shook her head. "No, it's not. I shouldn't have gotten frustrated over something like this."

"It's a frustrating situation."

Clarke looked over to Lexa, a smile fighting to form. "Are you really trying to justify my anger right now?"

Lexa shrugged, her own smile forming without any struggle at all. "Well, if it helps..."

Clarke just shook her head with a small laugh, reaching out to grab the trail mix from Lexa. "Got any more food stashed away in there? I'm starving."

"Of course. And some water. I wouldn't have brought you out here completely unprepared, Clarke." Lexa crossed her arms, forgetting that she was holding Clarke's sketchbook behind her back and bringing it directly into Clarke's line of sight.

"Is that...?" Clarke asked, eying the book.

Lexa looked down at the book in her hand, almost surprised to see it there herself having so thoroughly forgotten about it now that Clarke seemed to be less angry with her. "Oh, yeah," she said, handing it and the pencil over to Clarke as well. "I thought that you may want to draw some while we wait. It might help the time go by faster."

Clarke smiled fully then, taking the offered items from Lexa. "You really thought of everything, didn't you?"

Lexa shrugged nonchalantly. "I wanted to make sure this trip was enjoyable and relaxing for you, too."

"Lex..." Clarke cooed, wrapping her arm around Lexa's neck and pulling her in for a soft kiss. "You're the best," she breathed against Lexa's lips as she pulled away.

Lexa stepped away with a smile. "Come on," she gestured to the car before walking back to it. She sat down against the side, her knees bent and spread for Clarke to sit down between. "C'mere," she beckoned with a held out hand. Clarke followed without argument, sitting down between Lexa's legs and letting her girlfriend wrap her arms around her waist.

"Not the most comfortable seat ever," Clarke mumbled, the smile on her face negating the complaint in her comment.

"No, but it'll do."

Clarke opened up her sketchbook to a new page, looking out over the field in front of them. "Yeah, it'll do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh road trip arguments. They're the best, aren't they?
> 
> The next section should be up next Friday, so keep an eye out for that. It's the second half of this crazy trip, and it's a good time. We even have some parallels to canon stuff, so it's good (not that canon's good. But you'll get what I mean later). 
> 
> Comment below if you've ever gone on a random road trip anywhere! Let me know how it went and where you went! I need some ideas because I want to adventure more (and while I would love to just drive randomly, there are only so many places to end up within a few hours' drive). Get my wanderlust burning.
> 
> Comments/Request/Kudos are love. So please leave me some. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv . If you do seek me out on there, let me know you're from Ao3 so that I can follow you back and we can maybe chat a bit!
> 
> See you next week!


	35. As I Stand Here Waiting, Wishing, Wanting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camping, stars, a story, and embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of their little road trip is coming up in this chapter. Enjoy!

"Why are we stopping?" Clarke asked, looking out the windows around them, trying to find something that would have caused Lexa to stop. There was a small pull off to the side where several other cars were already parked. "Lex, where are we?"

"We," Lexa began, putting the car into park, "are at one of the entrances to the Daniel Boone National Forest." She turned to look at Clarke, excitement shining in her eyes. Clarke couldn't help her own skeptical expression as she watched a family gather hiking gear out of their car.

"Lexa, I am no where close to dressed appropriately for a hike."

"Which is why we aren't actually hiking. Hang tight for a second," Lexa directed before getting out of the car to dig in the trunk again. Clarke was beginning to think that Lexa was actually prepared for any eventuality and had everything imaginable packed in the trunk of her car. Really, she shouldn't be surprised that her girlfriend had packed so efficiently and thoroughly.

A knock on her window drew her attention away from the family that was now starting their way up the path to the hiking trail. Lexa stood outside her door, holding up a bag with a big grin on her face. Not willing to agree wholeheartedly just yet, Clarke rolled down her window. "What's that?"

"Why don't you come find out?" Lexa challenged with a teasing smirk.

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

"It may save me from being dragged into something I don't actually want to do," Clarke deadpanned.

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

"It was diminished after yesterday's gas fiasco." Lexa's face fell slightly at that, her disappointment in herself clear. With a sigh, Clarke rolled up her window and got out of the car. "Alright, babe. What'cha got?"

Lexa perked up at Clarke's acquiescence. She strapped the bag over her shoulders, quickly locked the car up, and grabbed Clarke's hand, leading her toward the trail. "Can you not just wait for a surprise?"

"I thought you said we weren't going hiking."

"We're not."

"Then what are we doing?"

"Walking."

"Yes, I can see that," Clarke said, rolling her eyes at her girlfriend's annoying and very vague responses. "Where are we walking _to_ , exactly?"

"Be patient, Clarke. You'll see in a few minutes."

So, with a grumble, Clarke did as she was asked, letting Lexa lead her by the hand down the trail.

And, just as Lexa had promised, they arrived at their destination a few minutes later. They walked into a small clearing surrounded by thick trees. Lexa let the bag she was carrying fall to the ground. She looked around the clearing and nodded to herself in affirmation.

"This is the place."

"What place?" Clarke asked, looking around as well. It was a beautiful clearing, but not especially spectacular as far as she could tell.

"It's where we're staying tonight."

"Wait, what?" Clarke turned to Lexa, her jaw dropping as Lexa knelt down to start pulling out supplies from her bag. She watched as first a blanket, then some bags of food, followed by another blanket appeared in short order. "You can't be serious."

Lexa looked up at her, blocking the sun shining in her face with her hand. "I can be, and I am. Do you really not want to?" she asked, pouting with her brow scrunched up adorably. She had clearly thought this was an absolutely brilliant idea.

Not wanting to upset her girlfriend, Clarke spoke quickly. "It just caught me off guard, is all. This should be... fun?" Clarke said, it coming out more as a question than a firm statement.

Lexa stood and took Clarke's hands in her own. She frowned as her eyes roved over Clarke's face. "We can go back to the car right now and go find a hotel if you'd prefer that, Clarke. I won't be insulted."

Clarke shook her head, trying to smile but knowing it came out as more of a grimace. "I've never camped before. This'll be good."

"You're sure?" Lexa searched Clarke's eyes, looking for any indication that Clarke really didn't want to camp out for the night.

"Yes, I'm sure. It looks like you've planned quite a bit for this." Clarke nodded over to the bag and supplies that Lexa had laid out on the ground. Lexa looked over her shoulder to the supplies as well.

"I did some research last night while you were in the shower at the hotel," she said with a shrug. She pulled at Clarke's hands before turning and leading her over to the supplies. "I have some blankets, some food, water, a book of matches, toilet paper that I took from the hotel, one of your textbooks and your sketchbook of course, and..." She reached again into her bag, her tongue peaking out of the corner of her mouth adorably. "Ah. And this." Lexa held up a book to Clarke.

Clarke took the book and looked over the cover before flipping through the pages. It was a book detailing the stories behind the constellations, including different myths from different cultures and quotes from other authors. "So we're stargazing?" Clarke asked, looking past the book to Lexa who was kneeling on the ground again.

"Yep. It's supposed to be a really clear night tonight. And..." she drew out the word, trying to build the anticipation, and let the silence stretch.

"And?" Clarke asked when she realized Lexa wouldn't continue until prompted.

Lexa grinned up at her, excited by whatever she was about to share. " _And_ , there's a meteor shower tonight." Clarke stared at her as Lexa seemed to start shaking with excitement. "Clarke, did you hear me? A _meteor shower_. In the middle of a national forest that has very little light pollution." She leaned forward, eyes widening as she reiterated the events of that night. "How are you not excited about this?"

Clarke shook her head with a small laugh before walking toward Lexa, only to stop right in front of her. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You, my love," Clarke said, her lips still pressed to Lexa's skin, "are a huge nerd."

Lexa pulled away sharply, looking insulted. "I'll have you know that this is one of the most anticipated meteor showers of the year. There are going to be loads of meteors to watch. Clarke! _Clarke_ , stop laughing!" Lexa whined when Clarke broke out into peels of laughter. She really couldn't help it. Lexa was far too adorable with her excitement about the coming night.

"And that's supposed to prove that you aren't a nerd?" Clarke asked when her laughter died down.

"Anyone who even has a minimal interest in astronomy knows about the Perseid meteor shower!" Lexa exclaimed. She crossed her arms and pouted up at Clarke. "I'm not a nerd."

"Babe," Clarke said, squatting down so that she was eye level with Lexa. "You are a huge nerd. The hugest nerd I have ever met. And I'm best friends with Raven Reyes."

Lexa glared at her for a moment, the gears clearly shifting in her head as she thought on how to move forward with her argument. Clarke just leaned her elbow on her knee, resting her chin in her hand, and smirked at her girlfriend.

She had no warning before Lexa launched herself forward, tackling Clarke to the ground.

(The retribution quickly turned into something else entirely.)

(And Clarke couldn't help wishing that Lexa had brought a tent along for them to disappear into for a while.)

* * *

 

The sun set late that night, but Clarke and Lexa didn't mind very much. After Clarke finally admitted that Lexa was not, in fact, the biggest nerd ever (after much persuasion through the unfair tactics of tickling), Lexa laid out one of the blankets for them to lay on. She left Clarke for a bit to go find some wood for a small fire, but quickly returned and found Clarke sketching again. She walked up behind Clarke and looked over her shoulder at the drawing.

"You amaze me a little more every day, you know that?" Lexa asked, startling Clarke from her concentration.

"Jeez, Lex," Clarke gasped. Lexa pressed her legs lightly into Clarke's back and let her girlfriend lean back on her as she continued to look over her at the sketchbook in Clarke's lap. "What is with you and scaring me recently?"

Lexa only shrugged, her eyes still taking in the lines of Clarke's drawing. "I'm serious, though. You're amazing."

"Loads of people can draw, Lexa," Clarke said, brushing off the compliment. She looked down at her sketch again and rubbed at some of the lead, softening one of the lines.

"Where do you come up with all of the ideas for them?" Lexa asked. She sat down behind Clarke, her legs bracketing Clarke's hips.

"I don't really know," Clarke said distractedly, already having gone back to drawing. "I just start and let my hands do what they may."

"I like your hands."

Clarke smacked Lexa's thigh, the small chuckle escaping her belying any actual frustration. "You're insatiable."

"Is there a problem with that?" Lexa asked, trailing kisses along Clarke's neck.

Clarke hummed, using her right hand to tangle into Lexa's hair and scratch at her scalp. "No, I suppose not." She dropped her pencil onto her sketchpad, leaning back into Lexa and letting her eyes drift shut.

"That's what I thought."

"Although, I think that the security around here might not appreciate the little display that it might lead to."

"Free entertainment."

"Isn't this a family park?"

"Technically it's a forest."

"And yet the argument still stands."

Lexa drew back from where she was trying to leave a mark on Clarke's neck. She sighed against the now wet skin and let her forehead fall to Clarke's shoulder. "I should have invested in a tent."

Clarke laughed. "Yes, you should have."

"Next time."

"You think you're going to get me out into the middle of the woods like this again?"

"I was pretty successful at it this time."

"And that logically means that you'll be successful a second time."

"Exactly."

Clarke leaned forward a bit, looking back down at her drawing. "Do you have anything planned for the rest of the night?"

Lexa shrugged, but didn't lift her head from Clarke's shoulder. "Dinner, dessert, and maybe read a little. Other than that, no."

"Dessert?" Clarke asked, perking up at the prospect.

Lexa chuckled and moved away from Clarke, pulling her bag over to their side. She opened the front pocket and pulled out marshmallows, graham crackers, and some bars of chocolate. "What kind of camping trip would it be without s'mores?"

Clarke's excitement radiated from her as she turned to look Lexa in the eye. "Okay, I think I can learn to appreciate camping."

Lexa quirked an eyebrow. "And you thought it'd be hard to get you on a second trip."

Clarke grabbed the bag of marshmallows and pulled it open, popping one into her mouth. "Let's see just how well this night goes first."

"But no s'mores if you don't go camping."

"I'm pretty sure I can make them at home."

Lexa shook her head adamantly, eyes wide. "Oh, no. That's actually firmly against the laws of the universe. If you try, every marshmallow will come out burnt, all the chocolate will melt off the crackers, and each cracker will be broken to pieces. It's not even safe to try it."

Clarke looked at Lexa, her expression blank. "Lexa..." she began, tone serious.

"I'm not a nerd!" Lexa said before Clarke could finish.

Clarke laughed and ate another marshmallow.

* * *

 

"...But, if he turned his eyes to look at her, the gift of her delivery would be lost. They picked their way in silence up a steep and gloomy path of darkness. There remained but little more to climb till they would touch earth's surface, when in fear he might again lose her, and anxious for another look at her, he turned his eyes so he could gaze upon her. Instantly she slipped away. He stretched out to her his despairing arms, eager to rescue her, or feel her form, but could hold nothing save the yielding air. Dying the second time, she could not say a word of censure of her husband's fault; what had she to complain of—his great love? Her last word spoken was, “Farewell!” which he could barely hear, and with no further sound she fell from him again to Hades." Lexa read aloud from the book in her hands. She leant back on one hand, Clarke's head resting on her lap as she looked up at the night sky.

"That's incredibly sad," Clarke commented. Lexa looked up to the sky, searching out the constellation that the story was talking about. When she spotted it, she pointed it out to Clarke and outlined it with her finger.

"It is, but it's also quite beautiful. He went to hell to try and save his love. He was just really eager to see her again, and worried that Hades would fool him and not let her come back to life."

"But he still failed."

Lexa looked down at Clarke, sitting up so she could run her hand through Clarke's hair. "He did see her again, though. And got that closure that he couldn't find in her sudden death."

"She still left him in the end."

"But her memory stayed with him for the rest of his life. He never loved anyone else like he loved her."

Clarke was quiet at that, searching the night sky. Lexa watched her, the firelight dancing in the blue of Clarke's eyes. And then Clarke was looking at her, and Lexa's breath caught in her throat. "I'm not sure the pain was worth it, to have lost her so soon. They had just found each other."

Lexa's hand stilled in Clarke's hair. "I think it was. For her, and for him. Not everyone finds a love like that. To have found it and lived in it, even for a short time, was really a blessing for them both. And in the end, she would have wanted him to keep on living without her."

"Hm," Clarke hummed before sitting up and moving to sit beside Lexa. They sat in silence again, both staring up at the stars above them, streaks of light flashing by every few minutes. "I think," Clarke began pensively, her eyes still on the sky. Lexa looked at her when she didn't continue, finding Clarke chewing on her bottom lip in thought. Finally, Clarke spoke again. "I think I can understand where he was coming from."

"How so?" Lexa asked, tilting her head to the side in question.

Clarke kept her gaze firmly on the sky. "If the girl I loved was torn from me so suddenly, I wouldn't hesitate to go to hell and back again to try to get her back, no matter how long it took. I don't think I'd let anything stop me, until my own dying breath."

Lexa couldn't think of a response to that. Her heart ached at the thought, and her vision started to blur. She quickly rubbed at her eyes and scooted over to press her shoulder against Clarke's. "Maybe..." Lexa started with a deep breath. "Maybe they got another chance. Maybe they met again, in another life. A fairer life. One that didn't betray them so early on. A life that they could live out together, both of them dying of old age surrounded by the family they built together."

Clarke leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder, grabbing one of Lexa's hands to hold in her own. "I think I like that version of their story a lot better."

"Yeah," Lexa said, pressing a kiss to the crown of Clarke's head. She looked back up at the stars, finding Orpheus' lyre again. "It's a much happier ending."

* * *

 

"Okay, wait a second. You got Clarke to go camping?" Raven asked, completely bewildered. She, Lexa, and Clarke were all sitting in the living room of Clarke's and Raven's apartment after Clarke and Lexa finally got home from their week long trip. Which, of course, meant that Clarke and Lexa had to recount everything that they did.

Lexa nodded, squeezing Clarke's shoulders with the arm she had around her. "Yep. Sure did."

"How did you get miss anti-nature to actually spend a night out in the woods?"

"Hey!" Clarke chided, glaring over Lexa at Raven. "I am not anti-nature. I just prefer the comforts of a bed to the hard ground."

"It took some effort," Lexa said, smirking at Raven.

Raven laughed. "I'm sure it did. Did you have to bribe her?"

"Not really. Though, the s'mores did help."

"Ah," Raven said knowingly. "Win her over with sweets. Classic. What else did you two do?"

Clarke pouted next to Lexa, her arms crossed over her chest. Lexa chuckled, but turned her attention to Raven. "Drove a lot. Had a mishap with the gas tank--"

"Mishap my ass," Clarke grumbled, cutting Lexa off.

Lexa looked over at her. "I thought we were past that."

"That was before you started picking on my lack of camping experience."

"More like your lack of nature experience," Raven chimed in. "So, this gas tank mishap?" she prompted.

Lexa shrugged. "Totally my fault. I wasn't paying as much attention to the gauge as I should have been. But, it was all a part of the adventure."

"Uh-huh," Raven hummed, unconvinced. "The adventure. What else?"

"Lexa took me to the Speed Art Museum, which was really cool."

"And then we hit the Norfolk Botanical Gardens on the way back," Lexa finished.

"You know, I was really half expecting to hear about a visit to the world's largest ball of yarn," Raven admitted sullenly. "I wanted a picture of that. Maybe a piece of yarn from it."

"Sorry to disappoint. I think that would be illegal, anyway," Clarke said.

"Taking a picture?" Raven asked.

"Taking some yarn from it," Clarke clarified.

"It would be 'part of the adventure,' Clarke," Raven scoffed.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I actually prefer to not end up in prison for the night. It's surprising, I know."

"What about freshman year when--" Raven began but was quickly cut off with a pillow to the head.

"We _do not_ talk about that," Clarke growled out.

Lexa sat straighter, looking over at Raven, clearly interested in whatever this story was. "No, please Raven, continue. What happened freshman year?"

Clarke groaned, covering her face with her hands, and Raven grinned at her triumphantly. "Let's just say it had something to do with streaking, staticky balloons, and a water gun."

"Oh my god. Why are we discussing this?" Clarke moaned from behind her hands. She hunched over her knees in embarrassment.

Lexa looked back and forth between her girlfriend and Raven. Raven saved her from making the decision of whether she should ask for the full story or not by standing up. She brushed imaginary dirt from her pants and sauntered off with a quick, "My work here is done."

Lexa rubbed at Clarke's back as she watched Raven disappear down the hall.

"Is she gone?" Clarke asked, her voice muffled by her hands.

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, looking down at Clarke with a fond smile. "She's gone. Do you want to tell me the story?"

Clarke sat up with a deep sigh, her eyes squeezed closed as if trying to block out the memory. "It was a bet gone wrong. I was a stupid freshman who thought I had something to prove to the world. Can we leave it at that?" She opened her eyes to look over at Lexa pleadingly.

Lexa nodded placatingly before she sighed dramatically, letting her head fall in mock disappointment. "I _guess_ I don't have to hear the story."

Clarke glared at her. "Are you trying to make me feel bad about not telling you?"

"Of course not, Clarke. I would never stoop so low."

Clarke looked over her girlfriend, eyes squinted in examination. "I think you would."

"Just because I want to hear what is bound to be a humorous story? I would never!" Lexa said, feigning insulted.

"Uh-huh. I'm sure you wouldn't."

"I totally wouldn't, babe," Lexa said, dropping her arm to rest around Clarke's shoulders again. She was the picture of relaxation. They fell into silence, Clarke still looking at Lexa suspiciously as Lexa started to flip through channels on the television. "I'm sure I can get the story out of Raven some day, anyway."

"You know it!" Raven called out from her bedroom, having heard the conversation clearly through her door that she left open.

Clarke groaned and flopped her head back onto Lexa's arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raven always knows exactly what to say, right? Poor little curious Lexa. Clarke always denying her from sating her curiosity.
> 
> Anyway, that's that. I hope you all enjoyed that chapter. I really enjoyed this section of the story, and hope you did too.
> 
> Out of curiosity, let me know in the comments below if you have a favorite constellation. Mine is (kinda obviously) the Lyre. Orpheus' story is just so good. (Also, being a musician, that kinda gets me, ya know?)
> 
> And, if you're interested in it at all, my other story has been completed, with an epilogue posted as a separate story in the series. The series is The Detour, and the stories are If/Then and Love While You Can. I like them a lot, and would love if y'all would check them out. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Comments/Requests/Kudos are always welcomed at any time. I really appreciate each and every one of them, and if I could thank every one of you individually for your kudos, I totally would. But alas, guests and all that make it difficult.
> 
> You can also come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to. Let me know that you're coming from Ao3 if you do!


	36. A Lot of Fight Left in Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Video games and history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short. I've been out of commission the past few days with a seriously killer cold. I just wanted to get something up for y'all before it got too late. So here you go. A bit of Clarke's history and competitive nerds playing video games.

"Oh you damn piece of shit fucking--"

"Clarke," Lexa chided with a laugh.

"Sorry," Clarke grumbled, eyes still trained on the television in front of them. She smashed the buttons on the controller more fiercely, as if that would help her win.

Lexa sat beside her, reading a book calmly, glancing up every so often to watch her girlfriend get killed once again in some online game. "I didn't even know you liked video games."

"Rae and I used to play together a lot, especially in high school," Clarke explained. She pressed her thumb harshly into one of the buttons, growling out another curse when her character fell to the ground again. Tossing the controller beside her on the couch, Clarke turned her attention to Lexa. "It was a coping mechanism of sorts. Let us get our frustrations out."

"Frustrations?" Lexa asked, marking her page and closing the book. She turned to Clarke to give her her full attention.

Clarke nodded. "After the accidents, everything just kinda went to crap for the both of us. But we were each other's support system. And Octavia, of course. She was a huge help."

"The accidents?" Lexa asked, feeling more and more confused as the conversation went on. This was new information that Clarke had never shared with her before, but she still felt like she should already know what her girlfriend was talking about.

"Yeah," Clarke confirmed. "Toward the end of freshman year of high school, my dad was in a freak work accident. They still don't know what caused the explosion, but he and three others didn't make it out before the whole building went up." Lexa's brow furrowed. She didn't think saying she was sorry would help anything at this point, so she placed her hand on Clarke's thigh and squeezed it gently. Clarke looked down at her hand and lay her own atop it. "It's... well, it's not okay. It was rough for a while. Still is some times. And then Raven's car accident our sophomore year just... Well, it got really rough. Raven couldn't move around very well, so we just stopped going out. The three of us started playing video games together. We could yell and scream all we wanted, just getting some of the anger out. And on the harder nights, it was sometimes just Raven and me, and we'd play for hours and hours."

Lexa sat silently for a moment after Clarke stopped speaking to make sure she was finished. When she was sure Clarke wasn't going to add anything else, she gave her thigh another reassuring squeeze before turning her hand over to tangle her fingers with Clarke's. "Thank you for sharing that with me."

Clarke wiped at her eye quickly, brushing away a tear that Lexa noticed was about to fall. She breathed deeply, regaining control of herself. "Did you want to play?" she asked, pointing to a second controller on the TV stand. Lexa smiled and got up to get it.

"Ready to get your ass handed to you, Griffin?"

Clarke barked out a laugh. "I'd like to see you try."

* * *

 

"Clarke, just go! Get their leader!" Lexa yelled, smashing the buttons on her controller. They had switched to a team mode after Lexa kept losing to Clarke, pouting adorably each time her character died.

Clarke shook her head with a grimace. "I won't just sit here and watch you die."

"Well if you left me, you wouldn't technically be there to watch me die," Lexa argued, jerking the controller to the side as she tried to get her character to dodge an attack.

"That's so not the point and you know it, you jerk."

"Did you really just call your girlfriend a jerk?"

"You're lucky I didn't call you something worse."

Lexa resisted the urge to roll her eyes, not wanting to look away from the screen. "I can really feel the love right now."

"Well I'm not abandoning you, am I?" Clarke snarked, shooting down another of their opponents. "Stop firing at me, damnit!" she yelled at the game.

"I don't think they can hear you, Clarke."

"It totally helps, okay?" Clarke's character let our a barrage of shots at the line of enemies in front of them. "Take that, motherfuckers!"

"Sounds like someone's getting their ass kicked," Raven said in lieu of announcing her arrival in the apartment. Octavia followed her into the living room. They stopped when they found Clarke and Lexa both glaring fiercely at the television. "I stand corrected," Raven laughed out. "Two someones."

Octavia moved to stand behind the couch, watching as Clarke and Lexa faced off against the band of enemies. "Tough level," she admitted. "Where's your warlord cunning now, Commander?"

Lexa scowled. "Not now, Octavia." She jerked to the side again, trying to get her character to dodge another shot. "Ha! Take that!" she shouted when she was able to quickly retaliate and take down the shooter.

"Good one, babe," Clarke praised, taking down one of her own. "We totally got this."

"You're going to lose," Raven said, coming over to stand beside Octavia. She crossed her arms as she watched them struggle to decimate the enemy line.

"Not helping, Reyes," Clarke growled. "Oh you motherfucking little piece of shit eating assholes!" Clarke yelled, her character taking another shot, bringing her closer to dying.

"Such language," Raven chastised with a click of her tongue.

"Like you're any better, babe," Octavia said with a smirk. Raven just shrugged and smiled innocently.

"Clarke, just get past and leave me to take care of them," Lexa demanded. "Get to their leader and take them down."

"I. Am. Not. Leaving. You," Clarke ground out, shooting another one of the enemy players. "Just about a dozen more to go."

They continued to shoot, trying to get their enemies to fall, but Lexa's inexperience in the game and Clarke's growing frustration was their ultimate downfall.

Clarke let the controller fall to her lap, her hands flying to her hair to grip at it angrily. "I can't believe those little fuckers were able to take us down!"

"I'm just impressed you two even got to that level," Octavia said.

"Same," Raven admitted. She turned and fell over the back of the couch, her back landing on the seat and her feet hanging over the back. "I got next round. Griff and I will really get some ass kicking done."

"Where are the other controllers?" Octavia asked, going over to the TV stand to dig through the small cabinet underneath.

"They should be under there," Clarke said, still pouting over their defeat. She leaned into Lexa's side, silently asking for attention. Lexa patted her lap and Clarke moved to sit on her, Lexa wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist so she could still grip at her own controller. She looked over Clarke's shoulder at the screen.

"Hurry up. We're about to start the next match."

Octavia stood up with a triumphant shout and held the two extra controllers up. She brought them over to Raven and they both got themselves queued up for the next round.

"And we're back, bitches," Octavia said as the match loaded.

Then the shooting began.

* * *

 

"I'm ordering pizza!" Octavia called, jumping over the arm of the couch to get Raven's laptop from her room.

The victory celebration was about to begin, and pizza was definitely called for.

"I told you we'd beat 'em," Raven crowed excitedly. She shoved Clarke's shoulder lightly and the blonde swayed on Lexa's lap. She smiled brightly at Raven.

"We totally crushed them," Clarke agreed, equally excited. Lexa squeezed her arms around Clarke, pressing her own smile into Clarke's shoulder. She couldn't help being equally excited while watching her girlfriend get so happy over the win. Especially after learning what these games meant to Clarke and Raven.

"If you get anchovies on the pizza again, I swear to all that is holy..." Raven yelled out to Octavia, suddenly seeming to realize that they had left the pizza choice up to her.

Clarke leaned back against Lexa's chest, relaxing fully against her, as Raven quickly got up to go find Octavia.

"I can see how that could be therapeutic," Lexa admitted, resting her chin on Clarke's shoulder.

Clarke hummed in response. She moved their controllers onto the coffee table before turning around on Lexa's lap to straddle her. "Thank you for playing with me."

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at the phrasing. "You know I love to play with you."

That drew a laugh out of Clarke. "You know what I mean."

Lexa's smirk melted into a soft smile. She reached up to tangle her fingers in the hair at the nape of Clarke's neck, playing with the baby hairs there, her other hand resting at the small of Clarke's back. "Yeah, I know what you mean. We can play any time you'd like."

"Really?" Clarke asked, looking slightly sheepish.

Lexa nodded. "It was fun."

Clarke's smile spread. "Maybe we should get a console for your apartment."

With an adamant shake of her head, Lexa refused. "Oh no. That would start an all out war that the world isn't ready for."

"Why's that?" Clarke asked, wrapping her arms around Lexa's shoulders.

"Have you met Anya? She's twenty times more competitive than me. If she got started playing, then I'd play more, and it wouldn't stop until we dominated everyone playing."

"So dominant," Clarke teased. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Lexa's jaw, trailing her lips down to suck at her pulse point instead.

"Mm," Lexa hummed, gripping Clarke more closely to her. "I have my moments."

"Oh yeah?" Clarke's breath tickled across her skin, raising goosebumps. Lexa only nodded in response. Clarke ground down against her, their hips pressed together. "Just in the game?" Lexa shook her head at that. "Prove it, Commander," Clarke breathed against the now damp skin of Lexa's neck. Lexa growled and braced herself to stand and pick Clarke up in one movement.

Just as Lexa was about to move and carry Clarke back to her bedroom, Raven came bursting back into the room. "Pizza's ordered!" she announced. "And I'm happy to say there are no anchovies on the menu for tonight." Clarke dropped her forehead to Lexa's shoulder with a frustrated groan.

Octavia followed Raven with a pout. "There's nothing wrong with anchovies."

"There's everything wrong with anchovies," Raven said with a disgusted look. "Right, guys?" She finally seemed to realize that they had walked in on a somewhat intimate moment. "Whoa you two. Keep it in your pants, would ya?"

Octavia laughed, grabbing Raven's hand and dragging her to sit on the couch next to their friends. "And here I thought the couch was off limits. Why have we been so considerate all this time, Rae?"

Clarke shot them a glare as Lexa let her head fall back onto the couch, very much put out. "We were just about to move, actually," Clarke bit out.

"Ooh, sexually frustrated Clarke has made an appearance," Raven teased. "Just get back to your room before you defile any public surfaces."

Clarke rolled her eyes, but stood up and dragged Lexa to her feet as well. She led them down the hall and to her room.

"Make sure to finish up before the pizza gets here! We won't wait for you!" Raven called out before Clarke slammed the door shut, quickly returning to previous activities.

(They absolutely did not finish before the pizza got there.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all liked it! 
> 
> The next chapter should be longer, but I'm not 100% sure because I haven't looked over what's going to be posted yet. But I'm hoping it'll be longer than this one. We'll have to wait and see, though. 
> 
> As always, I really love comments and kudos. And you can always leave requests for content you want to see in the story or for additional one-shots you'd like me to write (in this universe or some totally different story line. Challenge me, people).
> 
> You can also follow me on tumblr @musiclurv if you'd like. We can start doing little one-shot challenges on there if you'd like, too. Once I'm not walking death with this cold, that is.
> 
> See ya next time!


	37. It's Just the Way that Life Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke stresses, Lexa helps, library events happen, Raven and Octavia cause trouble, Clarke and Lexa "study," and a new member of the family shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a long chapter this time!! So much happenes. Enjoy!

"I am going to die. It's official. The end is nigh. Say nice things about me at my funeral." Clarke let her head fall onto the back of the couch, her hands slapping down on the open textbook in her lap.

Lexa laughed softly next to her. She set her laptop down on the coffee table and scooted closer to Clarke. "Turn."

"Excuse me?" Clarke asked, looking over to find Lexa sitting sideways, facing her directly.

"Turn. Face away from me. Close the textbook for a bit."

Clarke quirked an eyebrow. "Did you not just hear that I'm going to die?"

"I did. Which is why I want you to do this. Now are you going to listen to me or just keep arguing for the sake of being difficult?"

Clarke eyed Lexa skeptically but, in the end, did as she was told. She put the textbook down on the coffee table and turned away from Lexa. "Now what?" Lexa didn't answer verbally. Instead, she started kneading at the tense muscles in Clarke's shoulders, her fingers magically loosening the knots. " _Ooh_ ," Clarke sighed blissfully. "Now that. I like that."

Lexa chuckled. "I figured you would."

She kept working on Clarke's shoulders, neck, and back, working out all the tense spots that she could find. When she was finished, Clarke's head was flopped forward, her eyes closed, and her body drooping. "You're wonderful," Clarke mumbled out, sounding as if she was moments away from sleep.

"I know. But you need to get back to work."

Clarke fell backward, dropping onto Lexa and making them both fall back onto the couch. "I don't want to," Clarke whined, her limbs now splayed out comically, pinning Lexa to the couch beneath her.

"Clarke," Lexa chastised around an unfortunate mouthful of blonde hair. She huffed out a breath of air, hoping to get the hair away from her. "Clarke," Lexa said again when Clarke remained laid out on her.

Clarke whined dramatically and reached for Lexa's arms, wrapping them around her. "Just enjoy the moment, Lex."

"Maybe if the moment didn't include being squashed by my girlfriend."

Clarke humphed but didn't move. "I am _not_ that heavy."

"You are literally dead weight on me right now."

"So you admit that I'm going to die."

"I admit that you are being dramatic and need to get up to study some more."

Clarke turned her head to look up and glare at her girlfriend. Lexa scrunched her nose when more hair tickled at it with the movement. "I am not being dramatic, Lexa Woods. My exam is in less than a month, I've been slacking on studying, and all of this cramming now is literally going to kill me. I think I've fried my brain."

"You haven't fried your brain. And you haven't been slacking."

"I took a road trip instead of dedicating my time to studying."

"And even on that trip you studied at least a few hours every day while I was driving."

"And since we've been back, I've hardly done any studying."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure that setting aside five hours a day for studying should be considered studying adequately."

Clarke finally sat up, turning abruptly to look at Lexa. Her brow was furrowed in frustration, and Lexa knew that she'd start fiddling with her fingers anxiously any second. "Lexa, I'm going to fail this test. I should be dedicating at least half of my day to studying at this point. There's still so much I need to cover before I go in there, and I have so little time and--"

Lexa sat up and pressed her lips to Clarke's, effectively cutting off her rambling. "Breathe, Clarke," Lexa mumbled, her lips brushing against Clarke's.

She felt more than saw Clarke's lips quirk up into a small smile. "Kinda hard when you do _that_."

After another quick peck, Lexa pulled back and stood to her feet. "Alright, get up and get ready to go out."

Clarke looked up at her in confusion, a slight pout at her lips. "I'd much rather be doing what we were just doing, though."

Lexa grabbed her bag and started to pack away her things. "Too bad. You need to get more studying finished."

"So I'm getting ready to go out because..." She let the sentence trail off, waiting for Lexa to finish it instead.

"Because a change of scenery is in order. It'll help to not be cooped up in here."

"But everything I need is here."

"And everything you need can be somewhere else. You aren't going to read over a dozen textbooks in one day, anyway. Now get that cute butt up," Lexa grabbed Clarke's hands and pulled her to her feet, "go get dressed and grab a couple books. We're leaving in ten."

Clarke rolled her eyes, but went and got ready as she was told. "Where are we going?" she yelled out from her bedroom while getting dressed.

"To the best place to study, of course!" Lexa shouted back, flopping back down onto the couch once she had her shoes on and bag packed. Clarke soon joined her, the backpack in her hands stuffed to the max. She let it fall to the floor with a loud thud. "I thought I said a couple books."

"Well, I needed three of them, and then there's the notebooks, pens, highlighters, pencils, blank notecards, completed notecards..." she trailed off, counting off the items on her fingers as if going through a mental checklist.

"Sounds like you're all set for quite a while, then." Lexa stood and grabbed both Clarke's and her own bag before heading to the door.

Clarke followed hurriedly, reaching out to try and grab her bag. "I can carry that, you know."

Lexa pulled the front door open, tossing Clarke's bag onto her left shoulder, while her own was on her right. "I know. But I'm the one dragging you out. The least I can do is carry your bag for you."

"Such a gentlewoman."

Lexa grinned cheekily at her. "Only for you."

Clarke held her hand to her chest. "Why, Lexa. You make my heart go all aflutter," she said with a ridiculously over exaggerated southern belle accent.

"Well, ma'am," Lexa said, playing along with the accent and pretending to tip her non-existent cowboy hat. "My mamma taught me to always treat a lady right." She held her arm out for Clarke to grab ahold of, leading her down the stairs and out the door of the apartment building.

"A girl could swoon at such attention."

"Don't worry," Lexa said, opening the passenger door to her car for Clarke to climb in. She winked at Clarke once she sat down and looked up at her. "I'd catch you, ma'am."

* * *

 

"Your birthday's coming up," Clarke said, not looking up from her textbook.

Lexa let her hands fall from her laptop's keyboard, sitting back in the library chair. She balanced on the back legs of the chair, studying Clarke as she scribbled something down quickly in her notes. "In a little over a month, yes." She quirked her head to the side in confusion as to why Clarke would be bringing up the subject now.

Clarke hummed. "I'll hopefully have passed my exams by then."

"You'll pass them," Lexa said adamantly, letting the front legs of her chair fall back to the floor so she could lean toward where Clarke was sitting across from her.

Clarke waved her off. " _Hopefully_ , I'll have passed my exams. There's always the chance that I won't. But that's not the point. We should do something."

Lexa's brow scrunched in confusion. "Right now?"

Clarke looked up at her, her eyebrows raised as if to say 'really?'

"Oh. For my birthday?" Lexa tried again.

"Bingo," Clarke said, pointing her pen at Lexa. "We should do something to celebrate."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Something may be in the works," Clarke admitted, smiling innocently and batting her eyelashes.

Lexa leaned her chin on the palm of her propped up hand. "Should I be concerned by that answer?"

"Nope," Clarke said, popping the 'p'. "Just be sure to take off that day. Don't schedule anything else at all. I claim the entire twenty-four hour period."

"Quite greedy, aren't you?" Lexa teased.

"I think I have a right to be."

"Anya and I always have breakfast together on our birthdays. It's a tradition."

Clarke sighed dramatically. " _Okay_ ," she said, stretching the word out. "I guess I can give your sister some of the day."

"That's very kind of you."

"It's a real sacrifice, though."

"I'll be sure she knows what an imposition she's being."

Clarke nodded. "She should know. I get you right after that though, okay?"

Lexa sat up and made an 'x' motion with her finger over her chest. "Cross my heart. I'm all yours the rest of the day."

"No work, no writing, no plans with other people." Clarke stared her down, as if expecting Lexa to go back on her word.

"No work, no writing, no plans with other people," Lexa repeated. "Are you going to tell me what's on the agenda?"

"No way," Clarke shook her head, her hair flying around her face. "It's a surprise. But you'll have fun."

"You're sure of that?"

"Are you insinuating that you don't have fun with me?"

"The last time we went out on a whim, I ended up getting berated for letting the gas tank get too low."

"That was totally your fault, though. And this isn't a whim. I'm planning something."

"What something?"

" _Lexa_!" Clarke chastised with a laugh. "I'm not going to tell you. You'll just have to be patient and trust me."

"What if I don't want to be patient?" Lexa said with a slight pout.

Clarke flicked Lexa's jutted out lower lip. "Tough shit. You're just gonna have to learn how to survive the suspense."

"I've never been good with surprises."

"And yet, you love to be surprised by what I draw you every time we get coffee," Clarke said, looking pointedly at the paper coffee cup sitting in front of Lexa on the table.

"That's different," Lexa said, eyes looking down quickly at the still covered drawing before darting back up to look at Clarke.

"How is it different?" Clarke laughed.

"I know it's there, and I know it's a drawing. It's just what the drawing is of that's the surprise."

"Uh-huh," Clarke said, unconvinced. "Why do you always wait to look at it, anyway?"

"So you don't see how much I actually don't like them. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're a horrible artist, Clarke. Absolutely terrible," Lexa teased.

"Lex."

Lexa shrugged. "I like to savor it."

"And you can't do that in my presence." Lexa shook her head with a small smile. "Why is that?" With an exasperated smile, Clarke leaned her head on her own hand, mirroring Lexa.

Lexa reached for the now empty cup with her free hand, holding it up between them. "This right here is probably the best gift I have ever or will ever receive."

Clarke's smile softened. "That still doesn't answer the question."

Lexa put the cup back down and leaned back in her chair. "The very first time I met you, you gave me one of those. I just happened to find the drawing because a little arrow caught my eye. You didn't see my reaction then, or for any of the dozens that followed. It felt like a little secret; the drawings, my seeing them, you're own anticipation that I _did_ in fact see them." She shrugged. "I guess I just like the tradition of it, at this point. I like to be able to examine every detail of the drawing. To be able to sit alone and spend as much time as I want to see what my talented girlfriend can do with just a pen and a paper cup." She picked up the cup again, fiddling with the sleeve that was covering the drawing she knew was hidden there. "But, if you want, I can break that tradition now."

Clarke shook her head, taking the cup from Lexa's hands and placing it back on the table. "I'd hate to break a tradition."

"I have heard that doing so is bad luck."

"And everyone knows I could use all the luck I can get," Clarke grumbled, glaring down at the open textbook in front of her.

"Hey," Lexa said softly, leaning over the table and using a finger to gently tilt Clarke's chin up. When Clarke met her eyes, she continued. "You are the smartest person I have ever met. And you amaze me every day with how much you know. You're going to absolutely crush this test. I wouldn't be surprised if you got the highest score in recorded history."

Clarke closed the short distance between them, giving Lexa a quick kiss. "You're sweet. But I'm not _that_ smart."

"She says as she studies for her MCATS to become a pediatric surgeon that is going to change the world of medicine one day."

"You seem to be putting a lot of faith in me."

"I do have a lot of faith in you."

Clarke looked back down at her book, her shoulders drooping and her smile falling. "What if I do fail, Lex?"

"Then you try again. We study more, and prepare more, and get you ready for the next one. And the next one after that, if we need to. But I highly doubt that even the second one will be necessary."

Clarke glanced up at Lexa through her lashes. "You'd really stick with me through all that?"

"Definitely." Lexa sat back with a huge grin on her face. "After all, I want to be able to say I'm married to the famous pediatric surgeon, Doctor Griffin some day."

That made Clarke perk up, her own smile stretching her cheeks. "Dr. and Mrs. Griffin does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Who said anything about me taking your last name?" Lexa laughed out, glad that Clarke was cheering up some.

Clarke tapped at her chin, apparently in deep thought. "Griffin-Woods?" she asked.

Lexa leaned over the table again to press a kiss to Clarke's cheek. " _That_ I think I can work with, future Dr. Griffin-Woods."

Clarke's smile at that could have lit up an entire city.

(Lexa's own was just as bright.)

* * *

 

Raven was really, truly trying to be the biggest distraction known to man, and Clarke had just about had enough of it. She understood that Halloween was an exciting holiday. It was the time of witches and ghouls and ghosts, parties and drinking and tomfoolery. But Clarke _really_ needed to study. Her MCAT exam was just a few days away, and she felt like she was drowning in all that she still needed to go over.

" _Raven!_ " Clarke finally exploded, her hands clutched in her hair as she lent over her textbook on the coffee table. She was hunched over on the couch, her frustration very clear in her tense body. She glared at Raven when her roommate sauntered happily over to stand in front of her.

"Yes, my dearly beloved Clarke?" Raven asked, playing innocently with the hem of her dress, if you could call it that. She was dressed as Ivy, and her outfit barely reached below her ass. Clarke was sure that Octavia's Harley Quinn costume was similarly risqué.

Clarke let go of her hair to turn a full glare on Raven. "You have been dancing around the apartment for the past hour and a half. Your music is loud. Your dancing is loud. And _what the hell_ were you doing with the refrigerator?" She had heard an unfortunately loud scraping as Raven had dragged the fridge away from the wall just half an hour earlier. And then a string of colorful curses that suggested she found something she didn't like.

"I was bored. And I had to adjust one of the components on the back," Raven explained with a shrug. "And the music isn't that loud. I can barely hear it from out here."

"And you decided that fixing the fridge in your costume, _while I'm trying to study_ , was the best idea to quench your boredom?"

"It's better than anything else I came up with. I could work on the engine that I'm building instead, if you prefer."

As if that was a good idea. There was sure to be at least a few rather large _booms_ that came out of that project before Raven was finished. "Why don't you go over to your fiancé's?"

"She wants her costume to be a surprise. She's going to meet us here to go to the party." She eyed Clarke up and down, taking in her sweats and ragged t-shirt. "Speaking of, you need to get ready, unless you're going as a bum college student who hasn't showered in days."

Clarke stared at Raven dryly and motioned to her books laying across the coffee table. "If you didn't notice, I'm studying."

"If _you_ didn't notice, it's Halloween. We have partying to do." Raven began to walk down the hall toward their bedrooms. "Now come on, we have to get you ready."

"Raven," Clarke called after her, remaining where she sat, "I'm not going out tonight. I'm serious. I have to study."

Raven poked her head out of the hall, her face scrunched up in confusion and frustration. "Griffin, you can take one night off. It's Halloween. What happened to partying it up every year?"

Clarke looked at Raven, her expression blank. "My MCAT exams happened." Her expression softened as she took in Raven's crestfallen look. "I can't go out this year, Rae. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you some other time."

Raven pouted as she walked over to her. She grabbed Clarke's hand so that it swung between them. "But I want you to come out with us tonight. We've never missed a Halloween party in all the years that we've been friends."

Clarke sighed. "I'm sorry, Raven. I really can't push off studying again. My test is in two days."

"And you've already studied so much for it. Let your brain rest for a night."

"You know just as well as I do that it would have to be put off for longer than a night if I go out with you. We never get out of Halloween night without atrocious hangovers."

"Then don't drink so much."

"Raven," Clarke huffed. She really wished she could do what Raven wanted. What _she_ wanted, to be honest. Raven was right in saying that they've never missed a Halloween together in all the years that they've known each other. But this year, it just wasn't going to work out. She needed to stay focused on her studying now. "I took off the past week at work to study for this as much as possible. What kind of impression would I be giving if I went out to party one of the days I took off?"

"A fun one?" Raven asked hopefully. Her smile was so cheesy that Clarke couldn't fight off her own laugh.

"No, unfortunately not. I need to be responsible this time, Rae." Raven's grin dropped and she looked so sad that Clarke almost gave in. But no. Studying first. She could party after her exam.

Raven let their hands fall apart with a deep, dejected sigh. "Alright. I understand. Are you going to be okay here by yourself for the night?" Just then, the front door was pushed open and Octavia walked into the living room, her costume just as skimpy as Clarke figured it would be. " _Babe_ ," Raven crooned, distracted by her fiancé's arrival.

Octavia's smirk was almost predatory. "Hey there, hot stuff." She walked over and placed a smacking kiss on Raven's cheek. "Ready to set the night on fire?" When she looked at Clarke, her smile dropped into a confused pout. "Why aren't you dressed?"

Clarke once again motioned to her book as an answer.

"She's staying in to study," Raven explained, her own pout back on her face.

Octavia flopped down on the couch next to Clarke. " _Lame_ ," she groaned out. "Let's go party!" She shook Clarke's arm excitedly.

"No can do, O."

"I've already tried to convince her."

"And, while I already know she's going to crush this exam, she wants to stay in to study," Lexa said, walking into the living room, startling all three of the girls who hadn't heard her enter the apartment. "Which is incredibly responsible of her." Lexa smiled, clearly proud of her girlfriend.

"Responsibility is lame," Octavia pouted, dropping Clarke's arm to cross her arms over her chest.

Lexa hummed in response, walking over to place a kiss on Clarke's forehead in greeting. "Maybe, but this is what she wants to do tonight. So this is what she's going to do. Got it?" She stared down both Raven and Octavia, challenging them to argue further with her.

"The Commander has spoken," Raven said, lifting her hands up in defeat. She grabbed Octavia's hand and pulled her up onto her feet. "Let's go, babe. Leave all the nerds to their intellectual pursuits. It's time for us to party."

Octavia sighed again, but quickly grew excited again at the mention of the party. "We'll let the others know that you're not going to make it, Clarke. You two have fun being boring." She started dragging Raven out of the apartment, eager to get the night started.

"See ya later, Griff!" Raven yelled just before the door slammed closed.

"They're clearly looking forward to their night," Lexa said with a chuckle as she walked toward the kitchen.

Clarke laughed. "Well, yeah. Bell's parties are always the best. I'm usually just as excited about it." She stood and stretched her arms above her head, her back cracking loudly. "Oooh," she moaned happily before dropping her hands back down to her sides and following Lexa into the kitchen. "What're you doing here, anyway?"

Lexa dug through one of the cabinets, pulling out two large mugs. "You didn't really think I'd leave my lovely girlfriend alone on Halloween night, did you?"

Clarke leaned against the counter, smiling at how thoughtful her girlfriend really was. "I had my doubts, to be honest."

Lexa feigned offense. "I can't believe you'd ever think I'd leave you alone on a night like tonight. And to study, no less. You're going to need all the encouragement you can get. Starting with..." She pulled out a couple of packets of tea from her pocket, having brought them from her own apartment. "Some tea. Go back to the couch and get back to work. I'll bring this out once the water's boiled."

Clarke smiled brightly at that. She leaned in and kissed Lexa's cheek with a softly mumbled "thank you" before doing as she was told. She was already frowning down at her book again when Lexa brought in the two steaming mugs of tea. Lexa set one down on the coffee table beside Clarke's textbook and sat down with her own, curling up into Clarke's side. "Thanks, babe," Clarke said distractedly, highlighting a portion of the text.

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, taking a sip of her tea. "Sit back. That can't be good for your spine."

Clarke breathed out a laugh, but pulled her textbook into her lap and did as Lexa asked. She smiled over at her girlfriend. "Better?"

Lexa leaned more fully into Clarke's side, enjoying the warmth that emanated from her. Clarke wrapped an arm around her shoulders, sinking into the comfort of being pressed together as well. "Much," Lexa agreed.

"Good. Now hush. I need to focus," Clarke teased. She reached for her mug and took a sip, easily falling back into her studying, now more comfortable than before with Lexa pressed to her side.

* * *

 

"Twenty-five more to go," Lexa encouraged from her position across the couch. She had moved to the opposite end of the couch from Clarke when Clarke had produced her flashcards from her backpack. "So you can't cheat," she had explained.

Clarke dropped her head back on the arm of the couch, stretching her legs out where they rested in Lexa's lap. "I could have sworn I had less cards than that," Clarke groaned. They had already gone through so many of them, and she was tired. It was late, she was getting grumpy, and her best friends were out partying without her. She didn't want to go over twenty-five more flashcards.

"We're almost there, babe. You can totally get through these last few." Lexa patted Clarke's shin encouragingly as she looked down at the notecard in front of her. "How do you even pronounce this." She held up the notecard with the term facing Clarke.

"Acetylcholinesterase," Clarke responded, glancing over quickly to see the card.

"Right. That. What is it?"

Clarke groaned again. "I don't _want_ to study anymore."

Lexa lowered her hand to rest across Clarke's legs and looked over at her. And Clarke knew she looked as pathetic as she felt, but she couldn't muster up enough motivation to look any less so. "Clarke, you can do this. Just twenty-five more and then we can take a break."

"Why can't we take a break now?"

"And just come back to this exact same spot later, when you'll likely want to study even less than you do now?" She raised an eyebrow with a slight smirk.

"Your logic is not welcome here," Clarke said, pointing at Lexa with a glare.

"Come on, love," Lexa coaxed, rubbing at Clarke's leg. "You're so close to being finished for the night." Clarke just let her head fall back on the arm of the couch again. "Alright," Lexa conceded with a slight chuckle, "how about this? For every three answers you give correctly, you get a kiss."

Clarke looked up at that, her interest piqued. She thought on it for a second, considering the offer. " _Or_ ," she suggested with a growing smirk, "every question I get right I get a kiss. And every three questions, you take off a piece of clothing."

"This is a dangerous game you're playing," Lexa warned with a bit of a glare. "Will you be able to concentrate?"

Clarke shrugged. "Guess we'll find out."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Fine. So what is this?" She held up the flashcard again, waiting for Clarke to answer so their game could begin.

"The enzyme that breaks down acetylcholine in the synaptic cleft," Clarke answered easily, smiling cheekily. "Kiss please!"

Lexa laughed and leaned over to give Clarke a quick kiss. "Calcitonin?"

"A hormone produced by the C-cells of the thyroid gland that decreases serum calcium levels." Clarke tapped her lips again, her smile breaking through though she tried to hide it.

"Very good," Lexa approved, leaning over to kiss Clarke again. "Epiglottis?"

Clarke's smile widened, the answer coming easily to her. "A flexible piece of cartilage in the larynx that flips down to seal the trachea during swallowing. Kiss and the shirt, please."

With a laugh, Lexa removed her hoodie before leaning over to give Clarke another kiss. Clarke pouted slightly when she realized Lexa had another shirt on underneath.

"Well that's not fair."

"What's not fair?" Lexa said, leaning back to look at the next card.

Clarke pointed at Lexa's shirt. "You weren't supposed to have another shirt on underneath."

Lexa quirked an eyebrow, but didn't look up at Clarke. "Guess you'll just have to answer another three, won't you?"

With a glare, Clarke only nodded, waiting somewhat impatiently for the next term.

_Challenge fucking accepted_.

* * *

 

"Zygote?" Lexa asked, eying Clarke over the top of the flashcard. Clarke's eyes were wandering Lexa's body, now only clad in her bra and underwear. To Lexa's surprise (but at the same time, she totally expected it), Clarke whisked through the last twenty-four flashcards quickly and efficiently, only tripping up over the last few after Lexa had removed her pants and tank-top (which was under her shirt that was under her hoodie, much to Clarke's frustration).

Clarke was silent for longer than usual, clearly quite distracted by Lexa's lack of clothing. Lexa rolled her eyes. "If you'd just answer the question..." She let the end of her sentence trail off, knowing that the implication was loud and clear without her having to actually verbalize it.

Clarke shook her head quickly, shaking herself out of her stupor. "Zygote? A diploid cell formed by the fusion of two gametes during sexual reproduction." She grinned at that. "Speaking of sexual reproduction..." She waggled her eyebrows and moved so she could crawl over the couch to where Lexa was seated.

Lexa dropped the flashcards down to the floor, turning so that Clarke could straddle her stretched out legs on the couch. She gripped Clarke's hips when her girlfriend was hovering above her. "I think you'll find we may be missing a part for that."

Clarke leant down and nipped at Lexa's neck, her tongue soothing the slight pain. "Practice, then," she ground her hips down into Lexa's, "for a future possibility."

"Are you propositioning me, Miss Griffin?" Lexa gasped out as Clarke reattached her lips to her neck. She tangled her fingers in Clarke's hair, holding her to her.

"Mm," Clarke hummed against Lexa's neck. She let go of the skin she was attending to. "Take it as you will, Miss Woods."

Lexa moaned when Clarke looked up at her with hooded eyes, her desire clear. She leaned up and pressed her lips hungrily to Clarke's. "If you really want to practice," Lexa said after she broke away from the kiss, slightly breathless, "take me to bed."

Clarke didn't have to be told twice.

* * *

 

"Oh my god, Clarke," Lexa moaned, throwing her head back onto the back of the couch.

"Just relax, Lex. Breathe," Clarke coaxed, rubbing Lexa's thigh comfortingly.

Lexa moaned again, covering her eyes with her hands. "I can't..." she ground out through her clenched teeth.

"Babe..." Clarke called, grasping Lexa's chin and turning her head to face her. "Lexa, look at me." When Lexa opened her eyes to look at her, Clarke smiled. "There you are. Now, take a deep breath with me. Ready?" Lexa nodded and breathed in deeply as Clarke did, letting it out just as slow. "Okay, once more." They repeated the process a couple more times before Lexa finally nodded indicating that she was okay. "Ready to try again?"

"Yeah," Lexa breathed out, grabbing Clarke's hand from her chin. She turned to fully face Clarke on the couch, looking down at the thing that rested in her lap. "What is that?"

"A hedgehog," Clarke replied with a huge smile. She patted at it with her free hand. "His name is Norman."

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose and took in another deep breath. "Why do you now have a hedgehog?"

" _We_ ," Clarke started with emphasis, "now have a hedgehog because I adopted it."

Lexa eyed the creature again. "How did you going to take your exam turn into you adopting a hedgehog?"

Clarke looked down at Norman who was curled contently in her lap, and chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "Will we still go out to celebrate tonight if I tell you?"

"Of course." Lexa let out a deep sigh. "Let me guess, it was another awkward situation turned into 'I need to buy whatever is closest to me'?" She raised her eyebrow expectantly, waiting for Clarke to meet her gaze.

After a few moments of silence, Clarke looked up at Lexa with an innocent, yet somewhat somehow guilty, smile. "Would you be totally disappointed in me if that was _exactly_ what happened?"

And, with Clarke looking at her like that, Lexa couldn't help the fond smile that broke through her slight frustration. She rolled her eyes with a chuckle. "Alright, tell me the story."

Clarke breathed out a sigh of relief, bringing Lexa's hand up to wrap her arm around Clarke's shoulders. She snuggled into her before beginning her tale. "So, I finished my exam with barely any time to spare. And after all that stress, I was craving a little pick-me-up, so I went to that little café - you know, the one downtown? It's close to the test center." Lexa nodded her understanding, her fingers trailing little swirls on Clarke's shoulder absentmindedly. "It's a good café. I really wanted a mocha, and they have the absolute best. Perfect chocolate to espresso to whipped cream ratio, you know? We should go there again sometime," Clarke rambled on.

"Clarke," Lexa said with a chuckle, drawing her back to the conversation at hand. "Hedgehog."

"Right," Clarke said, shaking her head and taking a deep breath. She looked down at Norman and rubbed at his belly. "Well, I was just about to get to the café, when lo-and-behold, Finn walks out of it."

"Out of the café?"

"The very same." Clarke nodded with a slight pout. "So I went into the first store I came across, trying to avoid him seeing me."

"And it was a pet store." Lexa shook her head in amusement, moving her hand to twirl a strand of Clarke's blonde hair between her fingers.

Clarke nodded again. "Right. I didn't even know there was a pet store there. But anyway, I went in there, thinking I had escaped without him seeing me and that I'd just chill there for a couple of minutes until he was gone. Unfortunately, I was wrong." She picked up Norman and held him in her hands. "But that's where this little guy comes in."

"Of course it is."

Clarke shot her a glare. "I don't need your sass." She stuck her tongue out at her and Lexa tapped her chin, making her bite it softly. "Rude. Anyway, Norman here was waiting to be adopted with all his brothers and sisters in a little display by the window that I was hiding out by. So when Finn came in... well, you can figure out the rest."

Lexa nodded and watched as Norman wiggled in Clarke's hold. "Yes I can. So did you get out of there without having to deal with him?"

"With Norman?" Clarke asked, her brow scrunched in confusion.

"No, love. With Finn," Lexa clarified with a chuckle.

Clarke's face lit up with understanding. "Oh! No. Well, yes. Technically. I mean, he started walking toward me, but I quickly grabbed an associate to help out, and put her between Finn and myself while we went about picking out Norman here." She brought the hedgehog up to rub her nose against his. "And he just so happened to be the one that I felt compelled to grab. Finn, with his notorious impatience, didn't stick around for the whole process, thankfully."

"And you got everything to take care of him as well?"

"Of course I did!" Clarke said, sounding aghast that Lexa would even imply that she didn't prepare properly for their new companion.

"Of course you did," Lexa repeated placatingly. She scratched gently at the back of Clarke's head in apology, Clarke leaning into the touch. "So how much did you spend on this little guy?"

Clarke waved off the question. "That's not important. What's important is the welfare of our new son."

"He is not my son," Lexa said flatly, pointing at Norman who had resettled in Clarke's lap.

"I feel like there's at least a bit of joint custody going on here." Clarke pointed between the two of them, smiling sweetly.

With a glare, Lexa shook her head. "Oh no, you got into this. He's yours."

"That's not what the adoption papers say," Clarke sing-songed cheekily.

Lexa's mouth fell open in shock. "Clarke, you did not."

"Lexa, I did so."

Again, Lexa let her head fall to the back of the couch with a groan. "Where is he even going to stay?"

"With me, obviously."

"You're barely even home between work and studying."

"I'm not studying anymore."

"Your internship starts soon. And then med school. Did you think this through at all?"

Clarke pouted and looked down at Norman, who was staring up at her already. "Then he can stay with you?" She looked up at Lexa hopefully.

And if those puppy-dog eyes didn't do her in, looking down to find Norman looking at her with wide eyes definitely did. "Ugh. Fine! Fine, he can stay with me."

Clarke cheered and stood up to do a happy dance with Norman in her hands. "You're momma's going to take you home with her, buddy."

"You still have to come take care of him," Lexa said, taking in her girlfriend's excitement with a small smile of her own. "And you get to explain him to Anya."

Clarke's movements stopped at that. "Do I have to?" She looked at Lexa, the pout back again.

"Yes, you do." Lexa wasn't going to let her get away with that again. She had some pride to keep in tact.

Clarke continued pouting and plopped back down on the couch. "This would be a lot easier if we just lived together," she grumbled under her breath, petting Norman's head.

"Yes, it would," Lexa agreed. She propped her head up on her hand, her elbow resting on the back of the couch as she watched her girlfriend continue to pout. "But we don't."

"No, we don't." Clarke chewed on her lip in thought, minutes passing by in silence. Finally, she perked up slightly, but tried to hide it with a facade of nonchalance. "You know..." she started, not meeting Lexa's amused gaze, "Raven and Octavia are going to want to actually live together when they're married. The only reason they aren't now is because Bellamy's a big baby and didn't want his little sister to leave him alone in his apartment."

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, waiting for the inevitable question. She had honestly wanted to talk to Clarke about this before now, but with the stress of studying, she didn't think Clarke could handle that as well. Moving in together was a huge step, and she didn't want to rush into it when Clarke wasn't ready. So she decided to let Clarke bring it up, or at least wait until after the stress of her MCATs was past them.

"They'll probably take over our apartment," Clarke continued, still avoiding Lexa's eyes. She played with Norman in her lap, letting him nibble at her fingers playfully. "It's the most logical choice for them, with Raven already set up here."

"Right."

"Which means that I'm going to have to find a new place to live in a few months."

"Yes you will." Lexa knew that if she just let Clarke continue on, she'd eventually get to actually bringing up what Lexa knew she was suggesting.

"And, well. Broke college student and all..."

"You'll probably have to find a roommate." Lexa smirked, enjoying Clarke's nervousness far too much. Really, she could put her out of her misery and just suggest moving in together herself, but where was the fun in that?

Clarke looked up at the ceiling with a harsh exhale. Her lips moved silently as if she was pumping herself up for whatever she was about to say, and Lexa returned to playing with a bit of Clarke's hair. She twirled the strands around her fingers as she watched Clarke think.

"Okay, you aren't making this easy at all."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lexa said around poorly concealed laughter. Clarke shot her a glare. "Is there something you want to ask me, Clarke?" Lexa's smile widened when Clarke let out another frustrated huff.

"Fine, okay." She turned to face Lexa straight on, careful of Norman in her lap. "Lexa Woods, would you move in with me?"

And at the seriousness in her features, Lexa didn't stand a chance. Her laughter bubbled out, and she leaned forward to press a kiss to Clarke's lips, her smile making the task a bit more difficult. "Took you long enough."

Clarke pulled back, her face scrunched up in frustration. "You knew all along what I was trying to ask, you jerk!" she said, smacking Lexa's arm and pushing her away when Lexa tried to pull her back in for another kiss. "No, no more kisses for you." She stood abruptly and cradled Norman in her arms. "Norman and I are going to _my_ room so we can set up his new cage. And _you_ aren't welcome."

Lexa turned on the couch so she was kneeling and leaning slightly over the back of it. "Clarke, babe," she called as Clarke walked away from her and down the hall. When Clarke didn't so much as pause in her steps, Lexa launched herself over the back of the couch and ran to catch up to her. She wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist and pulled her back against her chest. "Babe..." she coaxed, nuzzling her nose into the crook of Clarke's neck.

"No. You can't just ' _babe_ ' your way out of this one," Clarke huffed, trying to wriggle out of Lexa's arms.

Lexa only held her tighter. "Just let me help you set up Norman's new home."

"You don't even want Norman."

"Sure I do. I am half of his adopted parents, after all."

"Only because I wrote your name on the papers. I can easily go back and have them take your name off of them." Clarke held Norman up so that he was eye level. "How would you like that, Norman? You wouldn't mind having a single mom as a parent, would you?"

Lexa let go of Clarke and stepped back, her jaw slack. "A _single_ mom?" She held a hand over her heart.

Clarke looked over her shoulder at Lexa, a smug little grin on her face. "Yes. A single mom. Until I can find someone who wouldn't let me wallow in nerves for so long when they knew what I was trying to ask."

"I didn't want to take away the excitement of asking from you."

"And to top it off," Clarke continued as if Lexa hadn't said anything, "I'll find someone that actually gives me a straight answer when I do get around to asking, instead of someone who lets me continue wondering for so long."

Lexa let her hand fall from her heart before she reached out and spun Clarke around to face her. She placed her hands on Clarke's hips and guided her gently to lean against the wall, effectively pinning her there. "Is that what this is all about? Me not giving you an answer?"

Clarke shrugged, pretending to be occupied with the nails on her hand that wasn't holding Norman. "It's more to do with the fact that my girlfriend's a jerk."

"I'm not a jerk," Lexa whined, leaning forward to nuzzle Clarke's neck again. She placed gentle kisses there, and was pleased to note that Clarke tilted her head to the side to give her more access. She smirked against Clarke's skin.

"A big jerk. Huge," Clarke said, her voice becoming more breathy by the second.

Lexa hummed. "Clarke, love of my life, light of my days, stars to my night, I would love to move in with you." She placed one more kiss on Clarke's neck before leaning back to watch her eyes flutter back open.

Clarke, seeming to snap back into herself, smirked at Lexa before leaning in to place a lingering kiss on her cheek.

"I'll think about it," she said, dodging out of Lexa's grip and continuing on to her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright!! So that was a doozy of a chapter. So much happening. The little vignet style type thing is how it's going to be moving forward. We're going to be covering a lot of time, so it'll move kinda fast (but also kind of slow at times). I hope you'll like the pace that I'm going to set. It's going to be a good time. Promise.
> 
> The next chapter should be up next Friday. It'll hopefully be a longer one like this, but we'll see what I can manage with the time that I have. 
> 
> As always, I really, REALLY love your comments and kudos (especially your comments). And, if you want to find me on tumblr to chat a bit, you can do so @musiclurv. I'd love to talk some about these two dorks or just whatever.


	38. You'll Still be Standing Next to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya reacts, Raven's annoyed, and Lincoln gives (un)surprisingly good piggyback rides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright!! Thank you all so much for your comments last week! It seems like everyone likes Norman. So you'll be pleased to know that he's here to stay for the long run. Like... the looooong run. Because y'all aren't even really halfway through this thing. So there's that.
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter for you lovely people. Enjoy!!

Anya sat at the dining room table, eying the creature that was currently exploring its surface. "What even is it?" she finally asked after watching it wander around for a few minutes.

Lexa sighed. "It's a hedgehog. His name is Norman."

"Why do we now have a Norman?"

"Technically, _we_ don't. He's Clarke's."

"And you're keeping him?" Anya looked up at Lexa, brow scrunched in her confusion.

Lexa sat down at the table beside Anya, watching Norman as he made his way back toward her. "Well, I guess he's technically mine as well. Apparently my name is also on the adoption papers."

"There are adoption papers?"

"Yep," Lexa said, popping the 'p'.

"It's so official for a rodent."

"Don't let Clarke hear you calling him that," Lexa said with a soft chuckle. Her girlfriend would not be happy to know that her "son's aunt" considered him nothing more than a rodent.

"It's what he is."

"No. He's an Erinaceomorpha. Neither a rodent nor a marsupial. He's his own class of creature."

Anya eyed her suspiciously. "It sounds like you've studied up."

Lexa shrugged. "Well, he's part of my life now. I might as well know what he actually is. To defend his honor and what-not."

Anya hummed, turning her attention back to Norman as he almost fell off the table before Lexa caught him. She nudged him toward Anya and he made his way over to her. Sticking her finger out for Norman to sniff, Anya breathed out a reluctant sigh. "I guess he is sort of cute."

"That's what Clarke says." Lexa smiled at the little creature and Anya's reluctant acceptance of him. She knew that her sister would be okay with him living with them, but she also wanted to make Clarke sweat about it a little before admitting that to her.

Anya picked Norman up, holding him up to eye-level. "You're staying in Lexa's room. And if you get out, you better not go anywhere near my room, you got it?" She raised her eyebrow as if expecting an actual answer from the hedgehog.

"You know, I don't think he's going to answer you."

Anya continued to stare Norman down for a moment longer before giving a swift nod of approval. "We have an understanding," she announced, looking over to her sister. "He's your responsibility. I don't want to be left on babysitting duties."

"Is this what you're going to be like if I ever have kids?" Lexa asked, grinning at her sister's grumpy facade.

"Oh no," Anya denied with a shake of her head. "Those kids will be spoiled rotten by their favorite aunt."

"You'll be their only biological aunt."

"No matter," Anya said, waving Lexa off. "This rodent is not my nephew. He will not be spoiled."

"He's not a rodent."

"Close enough."

"He's not even in the same classification as a rodent."

"He's a spiky rat."

"He's a hedgehog."

Anya eyed Lexa levelly, her expression blank. They stared each other down silently for a moment. "He's a rodent," Anya finally declared, leaving no room for argument.

Lexa sighed. "Fine. Think what you want. Just don't let Clarke hear about it."

"I'll let Clarke hear about it if I want to. He's infringing on my space."

"Our space. I do live here too, you know."

"Hm," Anya hummed, putting Norman back down on the table and standing up. "Then he better stay strictly in your space. I don't want to find rodent poop on the floor in the kitchen."

"Anya, that's disgusting," Lexa said, scrunching her face up at the suggestion that that would ever happen. "He isn't going anywhere near the kitchen. That's so unsanitary."

"And yet, your girlfriend adopted him and carries him around as if he's the cleanest thing in the world."

"Well," Lexa admitted, picking Norman up in one hand and petting his head gently with a finger on her other hand, "He's not the dirtiest thing in the world. But he will not be leaving poop anywhere other than in his cage."

"Better not. Now, I'm heading out. Friends to meet and all that. Keep him," she pointed at Norman who was resting contently in Lexa's hand, "out of my room or any other public space that he should not be in."

Lexa saluted her sister. "Aye aye, captain."

Anya rolled her eyes. "And he's leaving when you move out."

"When I move out?" Lexa asked, quirking up an eyebrow in question.

"Oh, please. You and blondie are clearly moving in that direction quickly. I've never seen you so smitten over anyone so quickly."

Lexa ducked her head, setting Norman in her lap and pretending to be occupied with settling him in. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Another eye roll from Anya. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Even Costia took a while to get you to open up. But in comes Clarke Griffin and suddenly you're going on road trips and adopting rodents together."

"She's nothing like Costia," Lexa bit out, her teeth clenched in frustration that her sister would even bring up her ex.

Anya sighed and sat back down in her seat. "I know that, Lex. I didn't mean that she was."

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" Lexa asked, her eyes averted again and her voice timid.

Anya reached over and rested her hand on Lexa's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You know, sometimes it doesn't really matter how long you've known someone. Some people just click, and there's no reason to doubt that. If you're sure about her, then don't question it. Let things happen as they may."

Lexa thought over her sister's words quietly for a moment. She had, in all honesty, opened up to Clarke much quicker than she had with anyone else. Even Anya had a rough time of getting her to loosen up around her after the Costia disaster. But with Clarke... Well, Lexa just felt comfortable. She felt like she had never felt before. Clarke was a rush and a place of rest all in one, and Lexa found herself waking up and going to sleep with Clarke on her mind every day.

"So," Lexa finally started after a long while of silence, "if I were to say that we're planning on moving in together in a couple of months, you wouldn't be opposed to the idea?"

Anya huffed out a laugh, letting her hand fall from Lexa's shoulder. "I knew it. Of course I wouldn't be opposed to it. You two are the best definition of a power couple that I've ever seen. I'm honestly surprised it's taken this long. Isn't there a whole lesbian u-haul expectation?"

"Well, Clarke's bi," Lexa said with a smirk. "So it's taken a bit longer."

Anya laughed again, rising from her seat. "Of course. That makes total sense. Well Lex," Anya said, patting Lexa's shoulder, "I'm happy for you. But just know that you always have a place here if you ever need it."

"Aaw," Lexa cooed, looking up at her sister with wide eyes. "You really do care."

Anya smacked the back of her head, making Lexa laugh. "Don't push it, dweeb."

Lexa's laughter followed Anya back to her room, echoing through the apartment.

* * *

 

Mid-November rolled around quickly with Clarke pacing even more than before she took her exam. In her defense, waiting for results was probably even more nerve wracking than waiting for the actual exam. Planning Lexa's birthday took up some of her time, but without needing to study during any other free time throughout her days, she was only left with the option of worrying over her exam results. It totally wasn't her fault that she had nothing else to do. Even working at the gallery didn't take up much time. Though, setting up the new exhibit for the winter season did occupy her a bit. But still. Not enough.

She chewed on her thumb nail as she paced through her apartment once again.

"Clarke, I swear to god if you do not sit down, I'm going to do something drastic." Raven didn't even look up from her laptop as she gave her threat. She was trying to concentrate on something for work, and Clarke knew her own frustrations were rubbing off on Raven, and vice versa, making them both more irritable than usual.

Clarke walked back to stand in front of Raven. "Let's go do something. We need to finish Christmas shopping, right? You can't possibly be done."

"Of course I can be. And are you really that concerned about Christmas already? We haven't even got passed Thanksgiving. And isn't your girlfriend's birthday soon?" Raven continued typing away at her computer without issue. She was probably the queen of multitasking at this point.

Clarke fell down onto the couch beside her best friend, groaning dramatically. "Don't remind me. We're hosting this year, and we still have to figure out the menu. And Lexa's birthday is already planned. It'll go fine, hopefully." She pulled her lip between her teeth and chewed on it thoughtfully. She _really_ hoped that Lexa's birthday would go smoothly. It was their first actual celebration of sorts together, and Clarke didn't want to screw it up. "But Christmas will be here sooner than you know."

Raven hummed distractedly, squinting at her computer screen. "I'm sure it will be. Time's weird like that. But I already told you, I've finished my shopping. Got on that early this year."

"You actually prepared early?" Clarke asked, shocked that Raven would do so.

"Wanted to make sure that it got done, with everything else that's going on this time of year," Raven explained with a nod. "Wedding planning is taking up more time that I had bargained for, so I hopped on shopping really quickly about a month ago. Everything has either been ordered or is already in my possession."

"Wow," Clarke gaped, staring at her best friend, dumbfounded. "That was very responsible of you."

"It's been known to happen." Raven shot a glare at Clarke before focusing back on her computer. "Why don't you ask your girlfriend to accompany you. Isn't that what she's for?"

"I'm pretty sure she'd be offended by that remark."

Raven shrugged. "She knows she's whipped. Everyone does."

Clarke laughed. "She's not whipped."

Raven's eyebrow raised slowly, her fingers still typing away rhythmically. "And where is Norman?"

"At Lexa's."

"Exactly."

"That doesn't prove anything."

Raven sighed and finally turned to look at Clarke. "It proves that you have that girl wrapped around your little finger. I can confidently say that she'd probably go to the moon and back again if you asked her to." She took a deep breath and glanced back at her computer longingly. "What I'm saying is that you have a wonderful girlfriend who would probably be more than happy to distract you from your exam-induced craze. Go call her."

"She's at work."

"She'll pick up."

"I don't want to get her in trouble."

Raven glared at Clarke, causing Clarke to shrink back a little on the couch. "Then go see her," Raven ground out through her teeth.

Clarke knew she was on thin ice at the moment. Raven looked like she was just about to chuck her computer at Clarke's head if she didn't leave the premises immediately. "You know, that's a great idea," Clarke squeaked. "I'm going to go do that. Thank you, Raven."

Raven humphed, turning back to her computer and resuming her typing. Clarke quickly got ready to head out, grabbing her coat as the weather was turning chillier as the days wore on. It was already getting dark out, even though it was just past three in the afternoon, and Clarke longed for her summer nights again.

"You know..." Clarke started as she made her way to the front door. Raven let out a frustrated groan, throwing her head back dramatically.

"What do I know, princess?" she asked sarcastically.

Clarke rolled her eyes, though Raven couldn't see her. "You should maybe call your fiancé, too. She'd help with the work-project-induced grumpiness." Clarke quickly escaped the apartment, closing the door behind her before Raven had a chance to respond. She was sure Octavia would be at their apartment when she got home later.

* * *

 

Clarke's worries instantly fell to the back of her mind when she walked into the library, Lexa's face lighting up with a broad smile at the sight of her. She smiled in return, holding up two coffee cups for Lexa to see. "I thought I'd come be a distraction for a while," Clarke said hopefully.

Lexa stood up and leaned over her desk to give Clarke a quick kiss. "The best kind of distraction. Let me grab you a chair real quick." She walked down one of the library isles just to return a moment later with a wheeled chair. "Your throne awaits," she announced with flair, directing Clarke to sit down.

With a laugh, Clarke took her seat and handed over Lexa's coffee. "How's work been?"

"Absolutely, brain numbingly boring. I think I've seen three students come in all day. A mom or two looking for the romance section. Other than that..." Lexa trailed off and took a sip of her coffee. "You're the best, you know that?"

Clarke smiled and leaned her chin on her hand, her elbow resting on the arm of her chair. "You may have mentioned that before."

"So you don't need to hear it anymore, huh?" Lexa teased. She placed her coffee down on her coaster, eying the cup excitedly.

"There's one under there," Clarke answered the unspoken question in Lexa's eyes. Lexa bounced in her seat a little, reminding Clarke of an overly-excited child. "You're adorable."

Lexa stopped her movement immediately, glaring at Clarke. "I am not _adorable_ , Clarke. Fierce. Terrifying. Hot, even. But not adorable."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Sure, babe. If you say so."

"I do say so." Lexa said definitively and turned back to her transcript that was sitting on her desk.

"Editing?" Clarke asked, eying the pages of Lexa's writing.

Lexa nodded. "It's helped pass the time. Do you mind if I finish working on this chapter?"

"Not at all." Clarke waved Lexa off, not wanting to infringe on her writing time.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Clarke sipping at her coffee contently and Lexa pouring over her book, scribbling on the pages what seemed like every line. It didn't take long for her to finish up though, and she quickly closed the book and turned back to Clarke.

"So what really brings you out of your warm apartment on this cold November evening?" she asked with a smirk.

"You don't believe that I just wanted to see you?" Clarke scoffed in mock offense. "I'm insulted you would insinuate that I have ulterior motives."

"Clarke," Lexa deadpanned.

Clarke sighed. "Raven pretty much kicked me out."

"Why?"

"I kept pacing around the apartment. Apparently I was distracting her from her work."

"Like she never did that to you."

"Exactly! But she had the audacity to imply that I should leave my own home." Clarke pouted at her girlfriend, hoping for some comfort.

Her hopes were granted when Lexa reached over and pulled her chair closer by the arm of it. She pulled Clarke into a one-armed hug and placed her chin on the crown of Clarke's head. "Aw, babe..." Lexa cooed placatingly. After a few moments, Lexa pulled back from the hug to look Clarke in the eye. "Why were you pacing around so much?"

Clarke averted her stare, looking down at her hands instead. "No reason in particular..." she said unconvincingly.

"Uh-huh. It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the anticipation of certain test results, would it?"

"Maybe," Clarke mumbled under her breath, knowing Lexa would hear her with how close they were.

"That's what I thought. Why didn't you come sooner? I could have helped distract you."

Clarke looked up at Lexa, a sly grin forming. "Oh yeah? What did you have in mind for that, Commander?"

A blush spread across Lexa's cheeks and neck, her throat bobbing as she swallowed thickly. "That's," she paused to clear her throat when her voice cracked. "That's not exactly what I meant."

"No?" Clarke asked, trailing her fingertips up Lexa's thigh and leaning in. She saw Lexa's eyes dart down to the bit of cleavage revealed by her shirt before shooting back up to look at Clarke's face again.

Lexa shook her head adamantly. "I meant talking. We're at the library, Clarke."

"That's never stopped us before. Take a break, babe. I'm sure you deserve it by now with all the hard work you've put in today." Clarke let her fingers ghost over the skin of Lexa's forearm, noting the goosebumps her touch invoked.

Lexa looked at the clock on her desk. "I get off in half an hour. Can you wait that long?"

With a huff, Clarke deflated in her seat, her hand falling from Lexa's arm. "That's no fun, though." She brought her pout back to her lips, hoping that maybe Lexa would succumb to that instead.

"It'll help me keep my job."

"No one's even here, Lex."

"Lincoln's working in the back right now. And there are a few student workers wandering the stacks. We can't risk it."

"Lincoln's in the back?" Clarke asked, perking up at the information.

Lexa's expression flattened as she looked at Clarke. "You're not going to proposition him, Clarke."

"Aren't I?" Clarke asked cheerily, standing from her chair before Lexa could hold her down in it. "I'll be right back." She shot Lexa a cheeky grin before darting to the back office of the library in search of Lincoln.

When she found him, he was riffling through a filing cabinet in the office, mumbling under his breath.

"Hey there, Lincoln!" Clarke greeted, startling the man and causing him to almost slam his fingers in the draw of the cabinet.

He placed his hand on his chest, trying to calm his breathing. "Clarke!" he gasped out when he turned to look at her. "What are you doing back here?"

"Lexa sent me?" Clarke tried.

Lincoln, finally regaining some composure, looked at her with confusion. "Lexa sent you to the back? Why didn't she just come herself?"

"She didn't want to leave the front desk unattended." Clarke shrugged innocently.

"Why didn't she just call, then? That's what she usually does if she can't leave the desk."

Clarke sighed. "Alright, she didn't really send me. She was actually frustrated that I decided to come back here. I'm sure she's up there pouting at the very moment." Lincoln laughed at that, turning back to his filing.

"What can I do for you, Miss Griffin?"

Clarke leaned her shoulder against the wall by the filing cabinet. "We're friends, right?"

"After getting shot up with paint for you, we better be," Lincoln said with a laugh.

Clarke beamed at him. "That's exactly what I thought you'd say! And as friends, we help each other out, right?"

Lincoln hummed, distractedly pulling out a file and skimming its contents. "How many guns do I need this time?"

"What?" Clarke asked, confused and thinking she had missed something. Finally, she realized what he meant. "Oh! No, no nerf war today. I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind relieving Lexa of her duties at the desk for her last half-hour. She promised me she'd help me out with something, but didn't plan her schedule very well."

"The great commander not keeping up with her scheduling? I don't believe it," Lincoln joked. He replaced the file in the cabinet and slid the drawer closed. "Alright, lead the way, little Griffin."

"I'm not that little," Clarke said with a pout.

Lincoln patted her head, pulling himself up to his full size. "Maybe just a bit," he suggested.

Clarke huffed. "Fine. If you're so big, you'll get there much quicker than me. Long strides and all that."

Lincoln rolled his eyes, catching on to what Clarke was implying. He squatted down in front of her and looked over his shoulder. "Well, hop on. This is the only time you're getting a free ride."

Clarke happily jumped on his back, winding her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders. "You're actually just a giant teddy bear, aren't you?" she asked with a laugh when Lincoln started bouncing her to the front of the library.

Lincoln laughed. "I have a few sisters. And a couple nieces and nephews. Giant Uncle Lincoln is their favorite jungle gym at the moment. Plenty of piggy-back rides with them."

"I'm sure. How many sisters do you have?" Clarke asked, leaning over Lincoln's shoulder to see the side of his face.

"Four. Two older and two younger. My youngest is only seven and the oldest is thirty."

"Middle child, huh?"

"Yep," Lincoln said, leaning down let Clarke climb off when they made it to the front desk. "We have arrived at your destination, your highness."

Clarke slid off of his back, coming to stand in front of Lexa with a huge smile on her face. Lexa stood with her arms crossed, her expression not amused in the slightest. "Did you really just get my coworker to give you a piggy-back ride?"

"Sure did," Clarke said, her smile never wavering.

Lexa rubbed at her forehead with a sigh. "You really have everyone wrapped around your finger, don't you?"

"Not yet, but I'm working on it." Clarke's smile widened, if at all possible, very much proud of herself.

Lincoln laughed. "Doesn't take much, does it?" he asked teasingly. "Well, you've now been relieved of your duties, Lexa. Better get going on what you promised your girl."

Lexa's face flushed. "I-Wha-She..." Lexa stumbled over her words, flustered. She turned a glare on Clarke abruptly. "What did you tell him?"

Clarke shrugged innocently. "Just that you promised to help me something, but overbooked yourself. He kindly said he'd help you out for the last half-hour of your shift. Now get your stuff together and let's get going." She motioned to Lexa's bag and her manuscript impatiently.

Lexa sighed in defeat, but grabbed her bag and put her things away. "You're trouble, you know that?"

"Sure do. You ready?" Clarke asked, holding her hand out and wiggling her fingers for Lexa to take.

Lexa did so and turned back to Lincoln. "Thanks for covering for me, Lincoln. I'll owe you one."

Lincoln waved her off. "Nah, don't worry about it."

"Lunch next week, alright? Pick a day," Lexa said, waving and walking away with Clarke without giving him a chance to argue. "Your place or mine?" she asked Clarke when they had exited the library proper.

"Definitely not mine," Clarke said with a cringe. "I think Raven would kill me if I showed up there again." She led Lexa over to her car, leaning against the side of it and letting their entwined hands swing between them. She tugged Lexa closer. "I think you owe me a proper kiss, though."

"What for?" Lexa asked, the corner of her lips raising slightly.

"For getting you out of work early, of course. I saved you from the monotony of the day."

"My hero."

"Exactly. And hero's deserve a kiss."

"I think," Lexa said, leaning in slightly but only brushing her nose against Clarke's, "That hero's are supposed to work without ulterior motives behind their saving."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Clarke feigned ignorance. She couldn't fight the smile tugging at her lips, though.

"I'm sure you don't. So, just what did I promise to help you with?"

Clarke pushed off of her car slightly, letting her lips skim from the corner of Lexa's mouth to her ear, where she whispered all of the things she wanted Lexa's help with that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wouldn't want a piggyback from Lincoln? I mean, let's be real. 
> 
> Also, my friend that reads ahead of you all (and is super protective of Norman... the fictional hedgehog) is basically threatening to beat-up Anya. Anyone else feeling the same? Should there be some Anya/Clarke showdown in the near future over Norman?? 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading along and sticking with me on this crazy ride. The next chapter will be up next week some time (maybe even two chapters because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 19TH!! And why shouldn't my amazing readers get a present for my birthday?). Keep a lookout for that! (Also, it's Lexa's birthday chapter, and that is just too perfect.)
> 
> Comments/Requests/Kudos are always SOOOO loved. And they'd make the best pre-birthday present in the entire world. If you want a chapter about an Anya/Clarke showdown over Norman, let me know. Otherwise it's not getting written in because it hasn't happened yet where I'm writing. And I'm almost at the end in my writing. So that will have to be written in to the next few chapters if y'all want it. So let me know! Let your voices be heard!!
> 
> And you can come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you so desire. I'd love to hear from you there as well.


	39. She's Got Me Ten Feet Off the Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday presents, trips, and a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS ALL AROUND!!!!! 
> 
> As a happy birthday to me present, here's the next chapter for y'all.

Lexa, for all of the effort she put into snooping around, had absolutely no idea what Clarke had in store for her on her birthday. So she found herself sitting (anyone else would call it pouting) at her kitchen table, Anya sitting across from her for their traditional birthday breakfast.

"Hey, you better eat that. This is the one time of year that I willingly cook for you," Anya said, pointing her fork at her sister.

Lexa's fork scraped across her plate as she pushed her food around. "What do you think Clarke has planned for today?" she asked instead of doing what her sister told her to.

"Lexa," Anya said with a glare. "Eat." Lexa obediently put some scrambled eggs in her mouth and looked at her sister expectantly. Anya sighed, placing her own fork down on her plate. "How on earth would I know what your girlfriend has in store for you?"

"Maybe she asked you for ideas," Lexa suggested, reaching for her glass of orange juice.

Anya rolled her eyes. "As if we talk on the daily. I have no idea what she has planned. It's probably something super gay. Can't you just wait and see?"

"You know I hate surprises."

The grin that spread across Anya's lips was pure evil. "I know. Which just makes watching you squirm all the more satisfying."

Lexa threw a biscuit at her head. "You're such a jerk, you know that?"

Anya caught the biscuit with a disaffected shrug. "That's what sisters are for."

"Being jerks?"

"Why not? Sounds good to me."

Lexa hummed. "I'll have to remember that."

They fell into silence as they both continued eating their breakfasts, Lexa still stuck in thought about her coming birthday celebrations. If Clarke was throwing her an actual party... Well, she was pretty sure Clarke knew her better than that by this point. Lexa was anything but a partying kind of girl, even if her girlfriend was apparently titled party-girl Griffin.

When they finished eating, Anya threw the dishes into the sink and disappeared into her bedroom, hollering out a quick "Stay there!"

Again, Lexa did as told and stayed seated at the table. She didn't have to wait long for Anya to return from her room, medium sized package in her hands.

"What's that?" Lexa asked, looking over the package warily as Anya held it out to her.

"If I told you, I might as well have not wrapped it."

"Then why did you wrap it?"

Anya rolled her eyes. "Because that's what you do with presents. You're acting as if you've never received a gift before."

Lexa just stuck her tongue out at her sister and took the proffered package from her hands. "Is it something gross?" she asked cautiously.

"Just open it!" Anya bit out, moving around the table to flop into her chair and glare at her sister. "I don't even know why I bother with you. You're such a pain in the ass."

"But I'm you're pain in the ass," Lexa cooed sarcastically, making a childish face at Anya.

"Who's pain in the ass?" Clarke asked, announcing her presence as she walked into the apartment.

Anya's eyebrow arched as she watched Clarke walk over and place a kiss on Lexa's head. "Since when did you have a key to this apartment?"

Clarke shrugged. "For a while now. I just usually don't have to use it."

Anya's glare darted back to Lexa accusingly. "You gave her a key without telling me?"

"Oops?" Lexa cringed, shrinking in her seat a little under her older sister's glare.

"Hey," Clarke said, tapping Anya's hand that was laying on the table. "No death glares on birthdays."

"That's not a rule," Anya argued.

"It is now," Clarke said, waving Anya off. "So, why are you being a pain in the ass?" she asked Lexa, turning fully to face her girlfriend.

Anya scoffed, motioning to the unopened gift in Lexa's hands. "She's being difficult just for the sake of it."

"And this is new?" Clarke asked, her smirk poorly hidden.

"Hey!" Lexa barked, letting the package fall to the table as she glared at her girlfriend and sister. "When did birthday's turn into days that you pick on the birthday girl?"

"Aaw," Clarke cooed, reaching over and rubbing Lexa's cheek, "is the _birthday girl_ sad?"

"No, the birthday girl is offended."

"The birthday girl has grown soft," Anya chimed in, crossing her arms as she watched Lexa pout across from her.

Clarke laughed, withdrawing her hand to instead pat the mystery package. "Are you going to open this or not? We have places to go."

"Places?" Lexa asked hopefully.

"Lex," Clarke warned.

"Just open your damn present."

Lexa pulled the gift to her, poking it tentatively. "And it's not something gross?"

"Lexa!"

"Alright, alright. You don't have to yell." She smirked when Anya's scowl became more pronounced.

When she had finally unwrapped the gift, her jaw dropped before she quickly schooled her features into a glare pointed at her sister. "Why?"

"You know exactly why."

"There is no reason for this."

"There is every reason for it."

"It's unacceptable."

"Totally acceptable."

"Would you two quit it. What'd she get you, Lex?" Clarke asked, peeking over the wrapping that Lexa was using to hide the contents of her package from Clarke. She finally swatted Lexa's hand away and looked at the mystery item. "Oh. My. God."

"Don't," Lexa warned.

" _Oh my god_ ," Clarke said again, this time fighting the laughter bubbling up. She reached over Lexa to pull the item out of the wrapping. "This is the cutest thing ever. Good choice, Anya!"

What Clarke pulled out, in Lexa's opinion, should never have even been invented. And the fact that Anya had seen it and thought it was the perfect gift for Lexa was just outrageous. What on earth would she do with raccoon footie pajamas?

"It was one time, Anya!" Lexa growled, glaring at the pajamas that Clarke was now holding up to her own body. Lexa did have to admit that her girlfriend looked adorable holding them up to herself.

"Twice now, Commander. And you can blame your girlfriend for the second time with that nerf war of hers."

Clarke just shrugged, laying the pajamas down on the table. "She does kind of look like a raccoon with all that makeup, doesn't she?" she asked Anya, smiling all the while.

"It's war paint. And I do _not_ look like a raccoon."

"Just a bit, babe."

"She's right. You can't deny it, Lexa."

Lexa glared between her sister and her girlfriend. "I hate you both."

"No you don't. And anyway, it's a rather practical gift with it getting colder out. You wouldn't want to freeze your little commander tail off, would you?" Anya asked, shit eating grin firmly in place.

"I think this calls for footie pajama nights in our near future."

"What?" both Lexa and Anya asked in unison, looking over at Clarke in confusion.

"Footie pajama nights. Movie marathons. We can get everyone to come over. And we'll all wear footie pajamas. Maybe I'll get some raccoon ones, too."

Lexa couldn't fight the laughter that bubbled up at her sister's horrified expression. "I'd pay good money to see Anya in footie pajamas," she said between bouts of laughter.

"Like hell that's going to happen," Anya growled out, scowl back on her face.

"Oh, it's going to happen. Where did you get these, Anya?" Clarke asked, picking at the pajamas spread out on the table.

"Why would I tell you that?"

"So I can get my own pair, of course."

"Oh no. You can't get the same ones as me. It's got to be representative of you in some way."

"Yeah?" Clarke asked, sitting back down in her seat and scooting closer to Lexa. "What would you suggest, then?"

Lexa thought about it a moment, tapping at her chin. "A lion."

"A lion?"

"Definitely. Have you seen your hair in the morning?" Lexa asked, trying to hide her smirk.

Clarke feigned offense, covering her heart and gasping out. "It is not that bad!"

"I have woken up with hair in my mouth more times than I care to count."

"Then keep your mouth away from my hair."

Lexa leaned into Clarke, lowering her voice into a stage whisper. "That's the point. Your hair's everywhere and impossible to avoid."

At Lexa's serious expression, Clarke cracked, her own laughter forcing it's way out. "Alright, yeah. It is kind of unmanageable in the mornings." Lexa smiled fondly at her, her eyes softening as she watched her girlfriend light up with laughter.

It was then that they noticed Anya trying to sneak away without drawing their attention. "Just where do you think you're going, Anya?" Lexa asked, pulling Anya to a stop.

"Away. Far away," Anya said, inching closer to the exit of the kitchen.

"Oh no, you don't. What do you think Anya should get, love? Maybe a monkey?"

"Nah, definitely not a monkey. Maybe a fox," Clarke offered, looking Anya up and down. "Yeah, definitely a fox. She's got the whole angular face thing going for her, don't you think?"

"Hmm," Lexa hummed in thought. "I think you might just be right, Clarke."

Clarke smiled at her and leaned in to give her a kiss to the lips. "Thanks, babe." Lexa's own smile spread until her cheeks hurt.

"You two are gross. And I'm leaving before you come up with any other stupid ideas."

"Can you look after Norman for us while we're gone?" Lexa asked, rising from her chair and pulling Clarke up with her.

"I thought I said I wasn't going to be babysitting."

"Technically hedgehog-sitting," Lexa said teasingly. "It'll only be for the day. We shouldn't be back too late, right?" She looked to Clarke for confirmation.

Clarke nodded with a happy "Yep."

Anya let out a long groan, walking heavily toward her room. "I knew I'd get stuck with the rodent."

"He's not a rodent!" Clarke called after her, looking very much offended at the thought.

Lexa rolled her eyes fondly before wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist and pulling her closer so they were facing each other. She placed a kiss on Clarke's nose and then her forehead. "What's on the agenda today?" Lexa asked, trying to distract Clarke from her sister's offending Norman.

It seemed to do the trick, Clarke's face lighting up instantly at the thought of their day ahead. "It's a surprise. Are you ready to go?" She gripped Lexa's arms excitedly, bouncing a bit on her toes.

Lexa nodded. "Ready when you are, love," she said with a soft smile.

Clarke eagerly disentangled herself from Lexa, instead grabbing her hands and pulling her toward the door. "Then let's get going. We have a full day ahead of us!"

* * *

 

Even after having parked in the heart of DC, Lexa had no idea where Clarke was planning to take her. And Clarke was delighted with that fact. (Less delighted with the struggle that parking was, but that's not important.)

" _Clarke_ ," Lexa whined, trailing behind her with a pout. Clarke led her on by the hand, dodging around the crowds of people on the sidewalks. "Where are we going?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and stopped at the end of the sidewalk, waiting for the signal for them to cross the road. "Have you always been this impatient?" she asked, turning to look at her girlfriend with an exasperated smile.

"Yes. Now tell me where we're going."

"Then it wouldn't be a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this," Clarke promised, tugging on Lexa's hand again when the signal turned for them to walk. She led her across the road and further down the sidewalk. She stopped when they entered a clearer space and dropped Lexa's hands, choosing to swing her arms out to her sides. "Tada!"

"The National Mall?" Lexa asked, confused.

Clarke let her arms fall to her sides. "Oh please, hold in your excitement. It's overwhelming," Clarke teased. "And not just the National Mall. We're going to be exploring just a bit."

"Exploring?"

"Yep," Clarke confirmed. "Starting with that." She pointed behind her at a large building with people flowing in and out of the doors.

"Which is?" Lexa asked.

Clarke chuckled slightly, turning and nodding her head toward the building before she started to walk, knowing Lexa would follow her. She shoved her hands in her coat pocket, the cold air piercing through the fabric.

While she knew Lexa had lived in the area for most of her life, Clarke also knew that she hadn't ever had time to explore the Smithsonian museums before. Or the National Mall, for that matter. So, she thought that it would be the perfect birthday present for her nerd of a girlfriend.

"That, my love, is the Museum of Natural History."

Lexa's eyes lit up at that, her steps quickening slightly, forcing Clarke to speed up as well. "Are you really taking me on a museum date for my birthday?" she asked teasingly, even though Clarke knew she was very much excited about the idea.

"I sure am. And this is just the first one. That's why I wanted to start so early. I thought you'd also like to hit the Air and Space Museum and maybe the Aquarium while we're at it."

Lexa pulled them to a stop right across the street from the museum, turning to face Clarke while they waited for traffic to stop. "That sounds like a lot of ground to cover."

"It definitely is. I'm going to suggest that we skip the mineral exhibit for the most part. It's cool, but incredibly long. The dinosaur exhibit isn't that big, which is a bummer, but it's still cool. There's loads of information to take in. They have an Easter Island head in there, too, which is really cool."

Lexa's smile softening was Clarke's only warning before Lexa grasped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a short but passionate kiss. "And you call me the nerd," she chuckled out once they broke apart.

Clarke hummed, her eyes still closed from the kiss. "I did some research."

Lexa pulled away fully, leading Clarke across the street and to the entrance to the museum. "Research?"

"Yeah. I dragged Raven and Octavia out here a few weeks ago to figure out the best route to take. Let's just say that walking through parts of this thing with them was both hilarious and cringe worthy. Sometimes I forget how childish they can be when they get bored."

Lexa laughed, letting go of Clarke's hand briefly to walk through security. "And you thought bringing them both along was a good idea, why?"

Clarke shrugged as she met Lexa on the other side of security. "Well, Raven had a lot of input on the Air and Space Museum, so that's why I wanted to bring her. Octavia actually loves this one, though she'd never admit it. Her brother's a huge history nerd, so she's learned a lot about the exhibits here. And of course, I 'can't go to the aquarium without them'." Clarke rolled her eyes at the memory of her two best friends begging her to bring them along. "None of us expected the length of the mineral exhibit." She cringed at the memory of having to drag Octavia and Raven through that. It probably took longer than any of the other exhibits, even though they were only skimming the displays.

Lexa laughed at Clarke's expression and grabbed her hand again. "Alright then. Since you've done all the research for this, you get to lead the way."

Clarke smiled at her, pulling her toward the marine life exhibit to start their journey.

* * *

 

"Okay, you were right," Lexa conceded, her eyes skimming over the massive amounts of rocks on display. "This is incredibly boring and a bit overwhelming."

Clarke giggled next to her, smirking at a woman standing a ways away from them who looked mildly offended by Lexa's comment. "I told you so. Do you want to start skimming instead?" Clarke offered. She was still watching the woman as she eyed Lexa disdainfully,, when she caught sight of a little girl peaking around one of the center displays. The girl watched her curiously, her eyes darting between Lexa, herself, and their clasped hands.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked curiously, having apparently said something that Clarke didn't hear. She squeezed Clarke's hand to gain her attention.

Clarke waved at the little girl who smiled and hid further behind the display. When Clarke smiled widely at her, the little girl came out form behind the display, moving over to them instead.

"Hello," Clarke greeted, kneeling down to be at eye level with the girl. She looked to be only four or five years old.

"Hi," the girl mumbled, looking down at her scuffed shoes.

"What's your name?" Clarke asked gently, trying to get the girl to look up at her.

"Charlie," she answered while shuffling her feet anxiously.

"Charlie, huh? That's such a cool name. I'm Clarke and this," she pointed behind her to where Lexa was standing, watching the interaction, "is my girlfriend, Lexa."

Charlie pulled at her little beanie, yanking the sides down over her ears a bit. "Those are cool names, too."

"Thank you, Charlie." Clarke smiled widely at her. She felt Lexa move closer so she was standing beside Clarke, her thigh pressing into Clarke's shoulder a little. "Is there anyone here with you?"

Charlie's expression crumbled as she looked around her quickly. "My mommy." Her eyes were quickly filling with tears, and Clarke inched forward at the sight.

"Hey, it's okay." She reached out slowly, touching Charlie's arm lightly. "Where's your mommy?"

"I don't know," Charlie hiccuped out, even closer to tears now. Clarke looked up at Lexa hopefully. Lexa smiled softly before joining Clarke in kneeling in front of the girl.

"Do you remember where you last saw her, Charlie?" Lexa asked gently. Charlie just shook her head, wiping at her eyes in the process. "Well, we're just going to have to go on a bit of a quest to find her, won't we? Have you ever been on a quest before?" Charlie shook her head again. "No?" Lexa asked, feigning surprise. "We're going to have to change that, aren't we?"

Clarke smiled fondly at Lexa, amazed at her ease in talking to this child.

"What's a kest?" Charlie asked, fiddling with the sleeves on her jacket. She looked to Clarke quickly before ducking her head again.

"It's an adventure to find something. Which sounds just like what we need to do, doesn't it?" Charlie nodded, a shaky smile slowly starting to form on her lips.

"But I need to know something first," Lexa said mock-seriously. She tapped Charlie's chin to get her to look up at her. "Are you brave, Charlie?" Charlie thought about it for a second before nodding her head. "Are you strong?" Another nod. "Are you super fast?" And another. "Then you sound like just the hero needed for this quest!" Lexa announced, making Charlie smile widely. "Are you ready to start?"

"Yeah!" Charlie cheered happily as Clarke stood to her feet.

"There's one more thing a hero needs for her quest, though." Lexa turned so her back was facing Charlie. "A mighty steed. Hop on, little hero."

Charlie did so quickly, climbing onto Lexa's back. When Lexa stood, she gasped out and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. "It's so high up here!" she said, tucking her face into Lexa's neck.

"All the better to find your mommy! Can you look out at all the people and let me know if you see her?"

Charlie looked around them, her little face scrunching up as she examined each of the faces near them. She shook her head in frustration. "She's not here."

"Then let the adventure begin!" Lexa said, tucking her arms more securely under Charlie's legs that were wrapped around the waist. "I'm going to start moving now, so hold on tight, Charlie." Charlie gripped tighter to Lexa's shoulders, grinning widely when Lexa started swaying and skipping as she walked.

Clarke looked back over to the woman who was watching them earlier, noting with pleasure that she looked amazed as she watched Lexa move around the room with Charlie on her back.

She hurried to catch up to Lexa, tapping her elbow to let her know she was beside her before moving her hand to rest on Charlie's back. "How're you doing, hero?"

"Great!" Charlie said excitedly. "Rexa's a great pony."

"Rexa, huh?" Clarke asked, arching her eyebrow at Lexa and noticing a slight blush. Lexa shook her head and shot Clarke a stare that told her to not even think about mentioning that again (which Clarke pointedly ignored). "You don't see your mommy anywhere in here?"

"Nuh-uh," Charlie said, her arms tightening around Lexa's neck. Lexa cringed a little before tugging softly at Charlie's arms. The little girl loosened her hold with a soft, "Sowwy."

_She is too cute,_ Clarke thought as she watched Charlie gaze out over Lexa's shoulder at all the people around them.

"Let's move on to the next room, okay?" Lexa suggested, already moving in that direction. Clarke followed behind them, trying to see if she could see anyone who looked like they were trying to find their child.

Lexa galloped between exhibits, getting Charlie to laugh every time she looked like she was about to start crying again. Clarke laughed as Lexa spun Charlie around, the little girl's giggles ringing happily throughout the exhibit hall.

It took them until they made it to the photography exhibit before they found Charlie's mom. The young woman was frantically looking around the room, calling out for Charlie every couple of seconds.

"Mommy!" Charlie yelled excitedly, making Lexa cringe at the close proximity of her mouth to Lexa's ear. Clarke chuckled, rubbing Lexa's arm consolingly as they made their way over to the woman.

"Charlie!" the woman yelled, the relief evident in her tone. She rushed over to them, reaching out for Charlie as Lexa turned so Charlie could move into the woman's arms. "Oh my god, where were you?" she asked as she clung to Charlie and rocked her back and forth. She looked to Lexa and Clarke for an explanation as the little girl stayed quiet.

"We found her in the mineral exhibit. Well, she found us, I guess," Clarke explained, smiling warmly at the sight of mother and child reunited. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke's waist and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"When she told us that you were missing, she very bravely started the quest to find you. She's a little hero," Lexa added on, smiling at Charlie when she looked up at her with a big grin.

"Rexa was my mighty treed!" she announced excitedly to her mom, pointing at Lexa.

"Treed?" her mother asked, confused.

"I think she means steed. Every hero needs one, right kiddo?" Lexa poked Charlie's stomach, causing the girl to fall into a fit of giggles.

The woman looked between Charlie and Lexa, her fear washing away completely to melt into a relieved and thankful expression. "Thank you both so much. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't found her."

Clarke waved her off. "It wasn't a problem. Lexa's given me plenty of piggyback rides, so she's used to it." She leaned over and kissed Lexa's cheek happily.

"And I can confidently say that little Charlie there weighs less than Clarke."

Clarke laughed. "I would sure hope so. Anyway," she turned back to look at Charlie, "I think you just made Lexa's day. Now she can say that she helped out a mighty hero on her birthday!"

"It's your birthday?" Charlie asked excitedly. She bounced in her mother's arms, causing the woman to readjust her so she wouldn't fall. "It's Rexa's birthday, Mommy!"

"Yes, I heard, sweetheart." She smiled at Charlie before looking back at Lexa and Clarke. "Let me pay for lunch for you two in the cafeteria here. It's the least I could do to repay you."

"Oh no," Lexa said with a shake of her head. "We couldn't ask for that."

"Agreed," Clarke said adamantly. "It was a pleasure to have Charlie join our trip, right Lex?"

"Right."

Charlie's mom rolled her eyes. "I know for a fact that Charlie can be a handful. I won't take no for an answer."

"Pwease?" Charlie asked with a pout.

Clarke and Lexa looked at each other, knowing that they wouldn't be able to deny this woman any more. And with Charlie giving them that look...

"Alright. How can we refuse an offer like that?" Lexa agreed, smiling at the mother and her daughter.

"Perfect!" the woman said, smiling at them. "Oh, I'm Sam, by the way." She led them back out into the main hall before directing them down the stairs, Charlie watching them excitedly over her mother's shoulder.

"A pleasure to meet you, Sam," Lexa said, taking Clarke's hand in her own as they followed dutifully behind the pair. She smiled widely and waved at Charlie every time the girl looked back at them.

The day didn't turn out exactly how Clarke had planned it, but she really couldn't complain. They got to meet the adorable Charlie, had a fun time at lunch with her and her mother, and she got to see a side of Lexa that she didn't get to witness often. Really, she felt like she had received the best gift today, even though it was Lexa's birthday and not her own. And they still had half the day to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's the first half of Lexa's birthday!! The second half will be out Friday, so keep an eye out for that. 
> 
> Let me know in the comments below what your best birthday present was. I may steal the idea for later reference ;)
> 
> As always, I love comments/kudos/requests, etc. And you can find me on Tumblr @musiclurv. I'd love to chat and just hear from you guys. And if you follow me on there, let me know you're coming from Ao3 so I can follow you back.
> 
> On a side note, it's my birthday today and if you all love me, I'd love to see a plethora of comments from you. Because I really do love hearing from y'all, regardless of the content.


	40. You Taught Me the Courage of the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories, target practice, and gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So here's your actual weekly update. Enjoy!!

"Okay, so no aquarium today," Clarke said with a frown as they made their way across the grass to the Air and Space Museum. "That took a bit longer than expected." She looked down at her watch to see that it was already well past two in the afternoon. "And we have dinner reservations at seven, so we need to be finished up here well before then."

"Dinner reservations?" Lexa asked, smiling as Clarke swung their hands happily between them as they walked.

"Well I'm not going to let you starve."

"Should I have dressed nicer?" Lexa asked, looking down at her jeans and black peacoat which was hiding a rather casual henley shirt.

Clarke motioned to her own clothes in reply. "Only if I should have, too."

"I'll take that as a no, then."

"Right you are, my love," Clarke said, distractedly taking in the garden they were passing on their walk. "We should spend an entire weekend down here some time."

"We live half an hour away. We can come any time you want."

Clarke hummed. "But it's not the same, coming in different trips. Wouldn't you like to just explore everything in one go? Just to say you did it?" She looked at Lexa almost pleadingly.

Lexa laughed a little. "Sure, babe. That sounds great. Let's plan it."

"Really?" Clarke asked, getting excited about the idea. "Because I would love to go to the art museums and galleries again." She looked over at the mentioned buildings longingly. "There's a few of them, but they change out the exhibits regularly. I haven't been in years..." She trailed off, losing herself in the memory of the last time she had been out there with her father.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, tugging on her hand lightly to get her to look at her. "Are you alright?"

Clarke hummed in question and looked over at her girlfriend, her mind still far away.

"I asked if you were alright. You're a thousand miles away right now." She pulled them to a stop and fully faced Clarke, grabbing her other hand as well. "What are you thinking about?"

Clarke chewed on her lip and looked down at their entwined hands. She didn't want to put a downer on the day, especially since it was Lexa's birthday. And talking about her dad... Well, it just always put a damper on things. "Just the last time I was here," is what she decided was safest. "It's not important. Let's get going." She looked up to Lexa with a forced smile that she knew didn't reach her eyes, tugging on her hands lightly to pull her toward the museum.

Lexa planted her feet firmly, pulling Clarke back to her again. Her brow scrunched in concern as she searched Clarke's face. "No, it's important. What's wrong?"

Clarke knew at the tone of Lexa's voice that she already managed to put a damper on the day and should just say what was bothering her. There was no point in hiding it now. "It's just..." She looked back over to the art gallery that they could see from where they were standing, nodding at it. "The last time I was able to go there was with my dad. Just my dad. He wanted a father-daughter day because he'd been so busy with work and he felt guilty. Mom couldn't come along because of her work, so it was just me and him. He walked with me through every art exhibit, letting me take as long as I wanted. And he knew absolutely nothing about art." She let out a half-hearted chuckle at the memory, her voice becoming watery. "He tried, though. And he always encouraged my interest in it." Pulling one of her hands out of Lexa's she pointed to one gallery in particular. "We were in that one at the end of the day, and I was completely blown away with all of the amazing pieces we had seen. I had said something off handedly about my own work never being as good as any of them. And Dad... well, he couldn't believe that. He pulled me to the side and looked me dead in the eye, more serious than I think I had ever seen him. And he told me that my art was going to be there one day."

Lexa reached up and wiped a tear off of Clarke's cheek with a soft, comforting smile. She nodded for her to continue.

"Of course," Clarke said with a somewhat self-deprecating laugh, "now I think I'm going to let him down on that one. Back then, all I wanted was to be an artist. To go to school for art and share my love of it with the world; help people through my art, maybe. When he died... well, that dream went away with him. Mom helped me see the impracticality of it. I'd end up a poor, starving artist without anything to support myself with. When she suggested being a doctor like her, talking about all of the people she's been able to save... It seemed like the obvious choice." Clarke wiped at her eyes, looking back at the gallery again longingly before shaking her head firmly. "Like I said, not important. It's in the past. And this is your day." She gave Lexa's hands a firm squeeze.

Lexa shook her head, giving Clarke a sad smile. She pulled Clarke into her arms, holding her tightly to her. " _You_ are so important, Clarke. Everything about you is." She tucked Clarke's head under her chin and swayed slightly side to side. "Your dad sounds like an amazing man."

Clarke choked out a sob, her arms wrapping around Lexa's back to grip at her coat. "He was," she gasped out between sobs, hiding her face in the crook of Lexa's neck. Lexa held her tighter, rocking her back and forth comfortingly without a word.

Finally, after the skies began to darken with the early fall night, Clarke's sobs subsided and she pulled away slightly to wipe at her eyes. Lexa kept her arms looped around Clarke's waist, not letting her move far from her.

"God, I'm a mess," Clarke said with a harsh laugh. She felt ridiculous, crying her eyes out against her girlfriend in the middle of the National Mall. "We should get going." She sniffed quickly, trying to pull herself together and shake off her emotions. "The museum's only open until six, and then we have to get back to the car to get to the--"

"Clarke," Lexa said, cutting in to her rambling. She kissed Clarke's forehead gently and let her lips linger there as Clarke took in deep breaths. "It's okay. Let's just walk for a bit, alright?" She leaned back and looked into Clarke's eyes.

Clarke nodded hesitantly. "I'm sorry I messed up your birthday," she mumbled out as Lexa grabbed her hand to lead her back toward the monuments.

Lexa shook her head, her brow furrowed. "No, that's not something to be sorry for. You didn't mess up anything." She pulled them to a stop again and put her hands on Clarke's shoulders, looking her in the eyes with a serious expression. "Really, Clarke. You have done nothing wrong. Honestly, getting to know more about you is the best gift you could ever give me."

"Even if it ends up with me blubbering in public?" Clarke asked with a grimace, looking down at the ground. She felt incredibly foolish having broken down like that.

Another shake of the head and Lexa tilted Clarke's chin up so they were eye to eye again. "Clarke, I love you. And you are the most important thing to me, no matter where we are or what day it is. Please understand that."

Clarke found herself lost in Lexa's gaze, falling into the pools of green that were gazing at her with such concern and such love that she felt dizzy with it. She nodded silently, her mouth falling open slightly in utter awe of the woman before her.

"Good," Lexa said with a firm nod. She pressed a quick kiss to Clarke's lips before taking Clarke's hand again and leading them toward the Reflection Pool. "And for the record," she began as they grew nearer the monument, "I agree with your dad. Your art does deserve to be in there. Doctor or not, you're still an incredibly talented artist. Your work's amazing."

This time it was Clarke that pulled them to a stop, grasping at Lexa and kissing her with the love she couldn't find words to describe.

* * *

 

"I'd argue that it is in fact very true."

"You have no basis for that argument whatsoever!" Clarke laughed out as Lexa held her poised and professional look across from her at the table.

"Sure I do," Lexa challenged, feeling her lips twitch from trying to keep from joining in on Clarke's laughter.

"Oh?" Clarke asked with a quirk of her brow and a smirk. "And what's that?"

"Extensive research."

"How exactly did you research that?"

Lexa gave Clarke a lopsided grin. "Let's just say it involved Anya, myself, and Lincoln on the roof of the library very late at night with someone lighting up a target rather far away."

Clarke laughed again, her cheeks flushing with the action. "I would have paid to see that."

"Well, we did pay because of it. Damages and everything."

"Are you telling me that _the_ Lexa Woods has a bit of a rebellious streak?" Clarke leaned in conspiratorially.

Lexa leaned forward as well, resting her head in her hand, her grin spreading into a full on smirk. "We all have our secrets, Clarke."

"Are you ready for the bill?" the waiter asked, interrupting their conversation.

Clarke sat back in her chair to accept the bill, allowing no argument from Lexa. "It's your birthday. You're not paying for your own dinner."

"This isn't exactly a cheap restaurant."

Clarke waved her off. "It's fine."

"At least let me pay for desert," Lexa said, reaching for her wallet.

Clarke looked up over the bill with a glare. "Lexa Woods, if you pull that wallet out, you will not like the consequences."

"What if I just pull money out of the wallet?" Lexa asked cheekily, trying to maneuver her wallet in her jacket pocket in such a way that she could get money out of it without pulling it out.

Clarke snapped the black folder holding the bill shut, handing it off to the waiter as he walked back by. "Not a chance. And just for that, I'm not going to tell you where we're headed next. Let's go."

Lexa watched Clarke confusedly as she prepared to leave. She quickly gathered her own coat and threw it on when Clarke began to walk away. "We're going somewhere else?" she asked as she struggled to get her arm into her coat.

Clarke chuckled and had mercy on her, stopping her walking to help Lexa with the coat. "Yes, we're going somewhere else."

"Where?" Lexa asked after she finally had her coat on and they exited the restaurant.

"Did you not hear what I said?"

"But you _want_ to tell me, don't you?" Lexa asked innocently.

Clarke led them back to her car, looking around them distractedly. "Not really, no. I'm all about surprising you."

"But I hate surprises."

"So you keep saying." Clarke opened the door for Lexa, waiting until she climbed in and was situated before closing the door and going around to the driver's side of the car. "I'm helping you practice being patient," she said teasingly once she got in the car.

"I think I've been patient enough today, thank you very much," Lexa said with a pout, crossing her arms and sinking down in her seat.

Clarke fought off a smile, though Lexa could see her lips twitching with it, and reached over to pull one of Lexa's hands into her own to rest on the center console. "You have not been patient at all today, to be honest. I don't think you've managed to not pout between destinations even once."

"That's not true!" Lexa argued, her jaw dropped in over-exaggerated offense. "I have been very mature about each and every secret you've kept."

"She says right after she was just pouting," Clarke teased. The road lights flashed through the car periodically, making it difficult to make out the smirk on Clarke's lips, but Lexa was certain it was there and was very smug. "Also, they're surprises, not secrets."

"And yet you won't tell me."

"That's the point of a surprise." Again, Lexa slumped in her seat. "There's that pout again." Clarke's laughter rolled over Lexa in a way she would usually describe as pleasant, but would be completely averse to describing as such at the moment.

"Just drive." She turned to look out the window, watching the cars and lights go by.

And she definitely didn't turn to watch Clarke adoringly when her girlfriend started singing along softly with the radio. Because that would be way too sappy.

(Clarke's triumphant yet soft smile would say otherwise.)

* * *

 

When Clarke pulled up to the college campus, Lexa was far past confused. She climbed out of the car and looked around them, trying to see if Clarke had something set up nearby.

"Stop trying to find something. It's not here."

"But there is something to find," Lexa said, her tone at the end of the sentence raising to make it more of a question.

Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand when she met her in front of the car, walking toward the campus quad. "It's not lost, so you don't need to find it."

"Is it hidden?"

"Not from us."

"But from others."

"Just to be kept safe. I wouldn't even say it's hidden, exactly. Only put away."

"We still have to seek it out."

Clarke laughed under her breath. "Can you just be patient for two more minutes?"

"Can you just tell me where we're headed?" Lexa challenged, eyebrow raised. Though she acted difficult, she didn't fight Clarke as she was led forward.

"The studio," Clarke supplied, surprising Lexa with her concise response.

"The studio?" Lexa's face scrunched up in confusion as she looked toward the building that held the art studio. "Why are we going to the studio?"

"Again with the being impatient." Clarke rolled her eyes with a smirk, looking sidelong at Lexa. "I promise it's worth the wait. But if I tell you what it is, I'll ruin the surprise of it, and I'd really like to see your honest reaction when we get there."

Lexa sighed dramatically. "You make a valid argument."

"I do try."

"It's very rude of you. I like trying to force the truth out of you."

"Sorry to take that away from you," Clarke teased. She pulled the door to the art building open when they walked up to it. "But we're almost there now, so you won't have to suffer with the unknown for much longer."

"The suspense is killing me," Lexa said melodramatically. "Really, I feel my life draining out of me every second that I don't know where you're taking me."

"I already told you I'm taking you to the studio."

"But not what's awaiting me in said studio."

"Some of the best moments in life are unexpected," Clarke said, her voice echoing through the empty halls. The sounds of their steps rang around them, amplified by the lack of other people.

Lexa looked at the art displayed on the walls as they walked, quickly taking in the different pieces that students created. "How did you manage getting in here this late, anyway?" She asked finally, deciding to stop pestering Clarke about where they were headed.

"I have a key to the building. Working for the director of the Art Department has it's perks," Clarke explained with a shrug.

Lexa nodded her understanding. "Why aren't any of your pieces displayed?"

Clarke looked around them, slowing their steps as they approached the studio. "We like to make sure the art majors have their work displayed mostly. And, seeing as I'm only a casual hobbyist, I don't usually submit my work for consideration."

"Why did they display your work at that gallery, then?"

They came to a stop at the closed doors to the studio and Clarke turned to look at Lexa. "A favor to the director. He likes my work and asked me to paint some pieces for it. Thought it might help some of the student artists get an idea for what he was looking for with his theme."

"You're such an inspiration," Lexa teased, leaning in to place a quick kiss on Clarke's lips.

"So I've been told," Clarke shot back with a lopsided smirk. "Anyway, you're making the wait even longer. Are you ready to head in?" She nodded at the closed door and waited for Lexa's own nod of approval before turning to it and pushing it open. Grabbing both of Lexa's hands, Clarke walked backward into the studio space. "Close your eyes," she directed.

Lexa did so with a soft smile. "This seems oddly familiar," she said quietly, thinking back to their first date.

"Call me sentimental." Lexa's hands rose slightly with Clarke's shrug.

"And you call me the sap."

"Shut up," Clarke said, and Lexa could hear the smile in her voice. Her own smile grew as Clarke led her further into the room. Finally, she pulled Lexa to a stop and let go of one of her hands to stand at Lexa's side instead. "Alright, open up."

Lexa opened her eyes slowly, letting the moment sink in. While she said before that she hated surprises, Clarke was quickly making her like them, and she wanted to make this moment last as long as possible. She could feel the nervous yet excited energy radiating off Clarke in waves, and it was intoxicating. She breathed it in one more second before opening her eyes.

What sat before her drew that breath right back out of her.

"This is..." she finally gasped out, stumbling forward a step.

"Yes it is," Clarke whispered from behind her, their arms stretched out to keep their hands connected.

Lexa reached forward but stopped short before her fingers could touch the canvas. "I didn't know you still had these."

"Not all of them. Just this one." She moved to stand beside Lexa again, taking in Lexa's awestruck expression. "Do you like it?"

Finally tearing her eyes away from the canvas in front of her, Lexa looked over to her girlfriend with watery eyes. "Like it? I already told you I love this one. What happened to the others?"

Clarke looked to the painting, a brief spark of longing passing through her eyes before it disappeared just as quickly. "I sold them. That was the point of the gallery. It was to draw people in to buy the students' work. The person that bought my collection wasn't very pleased when I told him the final piece wasn't for sale." She chuckled softly as she looked back at Lexa. She pulled at Lexa's hand so that they were facing each other.

"Why didn't you sell this one with the rest?" Lexa asked, eyes darting between Clarke's.

"It was yours to begin with," she answered easily.

Lexa's brow scrunched in confusion. "I'm not following."

Clarke laughed softly, looking back at the painting briefly. "Do you remember all of the other paintings? How they told a story that took a very dark turn?" Lexa nodded to indicate that she did remember. "That moment was when my father died. It was a time that I had lost all hope in the world, to be honest. And then Raven had her accident, and that just made it all so much worse. I felt like I couldn't escape that darkness." Her eyes were trained somewhere over Lexa's shoulder, seeing something that Lexa never would. "It was a really long time before that changed."

"What changed it?" Lexa asked, her voice barely above a whisper in the heavy silence that had fallen.

In an instant, Clarke's eyes cleared and she locked gazes with Lexa again, her expression serious. "You did."

Lexa swallowed thickly, her grip on Clarke's hand tightening for a moment before loosening again. "Me?" she asked shakily, eyes darting between Clarke's and the painting beside them.

"You." Clarke took in a deep breath and waved her hand toward the painting. "Even before we started dating, there was something about you that just seemed to light up the world a bit. Every day I saw you, it was like that darkness receded just a little. Which is why this was always yours. From the moment my brush first touched the canvas." She smiled shakily at Lexa, looking more uncertain than Lexa ever remembered her looking before.

Lexa pulled her hand from Clarke's just to pull her into a tight hug seconds later. She pressed her face into Clarke's neck, breathing in the scent that was purely Clarke. After a moment of hesitation, Clarke lifted her arms to wrap around Lexa's waist. "Lex?" she asked uncertainly.

"Thank you," Lexa mumbled into Clarke's neck. She placed a brief kiss against the skin there. She tangled her hand in Clarke's hair, pressing them impossibly closer. "Thank you," she shakily whispered out again.

Clarke clung tighter to Lexa, her hands gripping at Lexa's back.

And they both knew that 'thank you' was meant for more than just the painting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's the end of Lexa's birthday! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as she did. And we can all assume that the night was spent very nicely, if you know what I mean ;)
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes. They were so appreciated and really did make my day 10000000 times better. You're all so nice.
> 
> As always, your comments/requests/kudos are loved. If you want to see anything specific happen in this story, speak now. I'm almost finished writing it, and once that happens, idk if I'll be going back to add stuff later. 
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv. I'd love to talk to you!


	41. And I Won't Let You Choke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holidays: meltdowns, distractions, and good books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit early this week because I'm going to be busy tomorrow. But also a bit longer of a chapter. So enjoy!

"Why did we agree to do this?" Raven whined as she followed Clarke through the grocery store, cart already over half-full.

Clarke pulled a box from one of the shelves, examining the cooking instructions. "Because we are adults who can handle a Thanksgiving get-together with family and friends."

"Can we, though?" Raven asked, leaning on the handle of the cart, obviously bored. "What happened to the good ol' days when Momma Griffin took care of us all and made us wonderful holiday meals?"

"She... became too busy. And we moved out," Clarke said a little hesitantly, throwing the box she was looking at into the cart. "Come on, we don't have that much more to get."

Raven followed dutifully as Clarke began to walk down the aisle again. "But _why_ did we volunteer to host for _everyone_?"

"Because we're loving people who take care of their friends."

Raven scoffed. "If this is what it takes to show my love, I need to reconsider who I love. Maybe downsize the list."

Clarke rolled her eyes, grabbing a jar of seasoning and throwing it into the cart. "It's not that long to begin with."

"If this," she waved her hand over the quickly filling cart, "is anything to go by, I'd say it's a pretty decent amount. Are we feeding a small army now?"

"Pretty much," Clarke said with a shrug. "We have to go get decorations, too."

"Decorations?" Raven groaned dramatically.

"Well, at least a tablecloth and maybe some nicer napkins."

"What's wrong with paper towels?"

"I think we can fancy up a bit for a major holiday."

"It's so unnecessary. Everyone knows what we're usually like."

"Which is why it will be extra surprising when we actually try to be somewhat fancy for this meal. Come on, Rae. It's only one day. We can handle this."

Raven sulked behind Clarke, following wherever she led them around the grocery store. When they got to the cooler section, she stopped short as they looked over the turkeys. "Have you ever even tried to cook a turkey?" she asked, eying the birds suspiciously.

Clarke shrugged. "How hard can it be? I'm sure there are instruction on it. And there's always Google."

"Famous last words."

Clarke turned to look at her best friend. "Is the great Raven Reyes doubting her skill?" She raised a challenging eyebrow and placed her fists on her hips.

"The great Raven Reyes is doubting your cooking skills. I'm pretty sure you managed to burn water when we were in high school."

Clarke waved her off. "One, that was high school. Two, it was the pan, not the water. You can't burn water."

"You gave it a good shot, though."

"Shut up and help me pick a bird," Clarke said, turning back to the cooler. Raven walked around the cart to join her, both of them leaning over the cooler to see the different sizes available.

After a few minutes of them looking in silently, Raven finally spoke up. "How do you know how big of one you're supposed to get?"

Clarke placed her hands on the frame of the cooler, growing frustrated with how complicated this was turning out to be. "I'd imagine we need a pretty big one. But there are so many different kinds. Isn't there just a plain turkey in here?" She started pushing the wrapped turkeys around, trying to find a large one without it being drenched in butter or cured or whatever the heck else they had in there.

"Maybe..." Raven started hesitantly while taking a small step away from Clarke. "Maybe you should call your mom. She'd probably know what to get."

"No. We can figure this out without her help, I'm sure. We're grown adults that can figure out a stupid Thanksgiving meal without needing my mother's help."

"Clarke..."

"No, Raven." Clarke turned sharply to shoot a glare at her friend. "We are not calling her. We can figure this out. _I_ can figure this out."

Raven inched closer, putting her hand on Clarke's shoulder. She waited until Clarke met her concerned gaze before speaking. "What's going on, Griffin?"

Clarke sighed and leaned over the cooler, her head drooping down in a defeated posture. "I just want this to go well. I need it to go well."

"What are you trying to prove?"

Clarke looked up to her with a deep frown. "I'm not trying to prove anything. I just want this to go well."

"If you're not trying to prove anything, why can't we call for help? What's the harm in getting a hand from your mom?"

Looking away quickly, Clarke busied herself with digging through the birds again. "I want to do this without her help. I am a strong, independent woman who doesn't need to go crawling to my mother for something as simple as cooking a Thanksgiving meal."

Raven chewed on her lip in thought, letting Clarke continue her increasingly frustrated digging through her options without comment. Finally, when Clarke seemed all but devastatingly defeated, Raven spoke up again. "You don't have to do this alone, though. Look, Clarke. Stop. Just stop for a second." She grabbed Clarke's arms to keep her from digging any more. "Let's take what we have home. We can gather the troops and try again tomorrow to find something. I'm sure we'll figure it out. _We'll_ figure it out. Got it?"

Clarke stared at her friend, her frustrated expression melting into a defeated one. "Alright, yeah. Let's go." With shoulders slumped, she moved to get the cart and start pushing it toward the front of the store.

Watching her friend walk away from her, Raven stayed behind for a second. She hated seeing Clarke like this, and the increasing nervousness about her MCAT results wasn't helping with her stress level. So obviously, some kind of Reyes-style distraction was in order.

With a grin, Raven walked as quickly as she could without breaking out into a run to catch up to Clarke, cursing her leg for slowing her down. "Wait, Clarke!" she called, making Clarke stop and turn back to her. When she caught up, she went past the cart and jumped on the end of it, sitting on the edge and pointing forward. "Forward!" she called, shooting Clarke a grin over her shoulder.

Clarke watched her, dumbfounded for a moment before a grin spread across her lips. With a roll of her eyes, Clarke started pushing the cart again, Raven directing from the front. At one point, Clarke took a turn too quickly and almost made Raven fall into the cart, but she righted herself before that could happen.

When she shot a glare over her shoulder to see Clarke grinning at her not so innocently, Raven knew her plan to help distract Clarke worked, if only for the moment.

* * *

 

The incessant ringing of her phone is what ultimately pulled her out of her focus on editing. She growled at the device before leaning over her manuscript and grabbing her phone off the coffee table, not looking at the caller ID before picking up.

"What?" she hissed, clearly frustrated. It wasn't that she was actually angry at whoever was calling. It's just that the chapter she was working on was not coming together as she hoped it would, and she was growing increasingly frustrated with it.

" _Hello to you, too_ ," a teasing voice said on the other line. Lexa pulled her phone away from her ear and looked at the screen to see who was mocking her.

"What do you want, Raven?" Lexa asked, leaning back on her couch with an annoyed sigh. She didn't have time for some ridiculous Reyes-style event.

" _So rude today. What's stuck up your ass?_ "

"Reyes. Get to it," Lexa growled. She really wasn't in the mood for this.

She heard Raven sigh dramatically on the other end as if Lexa was putting a huge imposition on her. " _We need your help with something._ "

"Who is 'we' and what is 'something'?"

" _Clarke had a bit of a meltdown today, and she's not doing too well right now._ "

Lexa's entire demeanor changed at that. "What's wrong? Is she okay? What happened?" She threw her manuscript to the side, preparing to go to her girlfriend if need be.

" _Whoa there, Commander. She's fine. She's just freaking out a little about the impending Thanksgiving of Doom, as I've taken to calling it. T.o.D. for short. I think it's actually a quite clever name for it, don't you think?_ Beware of Tod _. I like it. Though I did date a Tod once. Hm. Maybe that makes it even more aptly titled. He was a prick and that relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning._ "

"Raven. The point. Please."

" _Right. Sorry. Got a bit distracted there. Anyway, Clarke had a bit of a meltdown at the grocery store today when we were trying to find a turkey for Tod. I think the stress of it all is really getting to her._ "

Lexa rubbed at her face defeatedly. She knew that Clarke would be stressing even more as the holiday approached, and she had already been stressing about her test results for a while now. She couldn't imagine how Clarke was actually managing it all. "What's the plan?" she finally asked when Raven didn't continue.

" _That's where you come in. I'm calling in the cavalry. Clarke's trying to take all of this on by herself for some reason - I'm thinking it's some sort of attempt to prove some deep seeded pride thing with her mother, but I'm no shrink. Tomorrow, we're going out to take care of the rest of the meal. And by we, I mean me and the gang. You are to distract Clarke in some way I'm sure you can be creative with._ "

"I have to work tomorrow..." Lexa said, chewing on her lip. She could probably call out, though she had been doing that more often than she'd like. Granted, she'd only done it a couple of times in the past few months, but it still wasn't like her to just call out of work like that. It went against her personal work ethic.

Anya walked into the apartment at that moment, waving silently as she walked back to her room to drop off her things and change out of her work clothes. Lexa waved back distractedly, focusing back in on her phone conversation.

" _That's perfect. I'll drive her over there tomorrow morning and you can take over from there. It'll get her out of the apartment for us to do our work._ "

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't really think that sitting with me in the library is going to help with her stress level."

" _You're good at finding ways to keep her occupied there. I've heard the stories._ " Lexa's face reddened at that. She was hoping that those stories only included the PG events that have occurred at the library. " _So I'll drop her off after breakfast. Then we'll get to work and you'll keep her away from the apartment for the day. Sound good?_ "

Lexa nodded before she remembered that Raven couldn't see her. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'll figure out something."

" _Don't hurt that little head of yours. Just being in your presence calms her down exponentially. You're good for her._ "

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Lexa's lips ticked up at the compliment.

" _Yeah, yeah. Don't get used to it. I'll see you tomorrow when you bring Clarke back to the apartment._ "

"You're actually stranding her at the library? What if she gets bored?"

" _She won't. I have to go. Figure something out for tomorrow. I don't want to see you two back at the apartment until well into the evening. Let's say... seven. We'll have dinner ready when you get home._ "

"Who is we?"

" _Lexa. You don't need to know every single detail. Just focus on Clarke. See you tomorrow._ " She didn't give Lexa a chance to say anything else before she hung up on her.

"Rude," Lexa mumbled to herself, dropping her phone onto the couch beside her.

"What was all that about?" Anya asked as she came back out into the living room. She fell down on the couch next to Lexa, stretching her arms out over the back of the couch.

"Clarke's stressing about Thanksgiving. We're apparently doing something to help remedy that. I'm the distraction for the others to get to work."

Anya hummed in understanding. "Yeah, Raven texted me about that earlier. Something about a butterball versus a cured? I'm not sure, honestly."

"She did say something about a turkey issue."

"Ah, that makes sense. I've been recruited to help out tomorrow as well. I'm not really sure when I got pulled into this group of yours, and I'm not sure I like it."

"You love it," Lexa countered, smiling at the idea of her sister helping her friends out. "I think you kinda signed up for that when you joined the nerf war."

"How did she even get my number?"

Lexa shrugged. "I try not to question the ways Raven gets stuff done. It usually involves lawfully questionable means that I do not want to be getting involved with."

Anya breathed out a laugh. "Maybe tomorrow will actually be somewhat enjoyable."

"Don't you have to work tomorrow?" Lexa pulled her manuscript back onto her lap so she could get back to editing.

Anya faked a cough. "I'm not feeling too well. And I'll be feeling just as poor for the next couple of days."

Lexa raised an eyebrow, looking over at her sister in silence.

"Why not start off the Thanksgiving break a little early? Might as well actually be thankful for something on the holiday that's all about giving thanks."

"Are you saying that you have nothing else to be thankful for other than taking a week off from work? I'm insulted."

"Why would I be thankful for a little sister who brings her friends around to introduce drama into my life?" Anya asked. The twitch at the corner of her lips was the only indication that she wasn't actually being serious.

"I spice up your life."

"You bother my life."

"Oh whatever. What would you be doing with yourself if you didn't have this wonderful cause to help out with tomorrow?"

"Resting. Relaxing. Enjoying the silence of an empty apartment."

"You act as if you never have the apartment to yourself."

"Those few moments are drowned out by the arrival of you and your girlfriend. Not to mention a Norman."

Lexa swatted at Anya's arm. "I'm starting to feel like you don't want me here. _And_ that you don't love your nephew."

"The rodent is not my nephew."

"But you don't want me here?" Lexa asked, pulling out her best pout. She lowered her head and looked up at her sister through her lashes.

Anya rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that look." Lexa continued to hold her stare. "Stop that." Still, she didn't move. "Oh, you know I love you, you big baby."

Lexa's expression broke into a huge smile and she threw her arms around her sister's shoulders. "She loves me! She really loves me!" she cried dramatically. She leaned further into Anya, making her fall over onto the couch.

"Get off of me," Anya growled while she struggled to push Lexa away from her.

"Accept the love, my adoring sister."

"Oh my god, you are such a nerd!" Anya said, finally squeezing out of Lexa's grip to dodge off of the couch. "I take back my statement. I wish I lived alone and never had to deal with your ridiculousness."

"You can't take back your love!" Lexa sing-songed as she looked up at Anya. "It has been admitted to the universe and is now unretrievable."

Anya rolled her eyes, turning to walk away. "You're such a nerd."

"But you _love_ me!" Lexa called after her retreating sister, breaking out into laughter at the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut.

* * *

 

"Explain to me again why you're taking me to the library _instead_ of the grocery store, which is where I need to actually go today?" Clarke pouted in the passenger's seat of Raven's car, glowering at her friend as she drove her toward the library.

Raven grinned happily, bouncing a little in her seat to the beat of the music she had chosen to listen to on their drive. " _Because_ you need to spend some time with your girlfriend. It's been a couple of days, hasn't it?"

"Since when have you been concerned over how much time I spend with my girlfriend?" Clarke questioned, growing suspicious over Raven's intentions.

Raven shrugged innocently. "I've always been concerned with your love life. And I'm sure Lexa misses you."

"So you decided to just drop me off at the library."

"Yep," Raven said cheerily.

"Just accept it, Griff," Octavia chimed in from where she had been sitting quietly in the back. "Enjoy the day of rest we are providing you with."

"But that's just it," Clarke said, turning in her seat to look at Octavia. "I don't have time for a day of rest right now. Thanksgiving is two days away, and I still have so much to get done. I still have to buy a _turkey_. Raven," she whined, looking at her instead, "you said we'd go out and get everything else today."

"We have plenty of time to get everything finished before Thursday. Just accept this generous gift you are about to receive."

"You two are up to something." Clarke pointed between her two friends, squinting her eyes at them as if she could figure out whatever they were up to if she just looked hard enough. "I don't know what, but you're up to something. And when I find out..."

"You'll do nothing. And anyway, why does the something that we're up to always have to be bad?" Octavia asked, her tone growing defensive.

"Because it usually results in something in our apartment getting broken."

Raven scoffed. "But I always fix it."

"Except for the multiple times that I've had to buy replacements."

"Only because you were too impatient to give me enough time to figure it out."

"Over a month should be more than enough time for you to 'figure it out' if you were actually going to. I can't live that long without a microwave, Rae."

"Your diet does consist mainly of microwaved meals," Octavia agreed, leaning forward to poke her head between the two front seats.

"Which is ironic seeing as she's trying to cook an entire Thanksgiving meal in two days."

"And I'll succeed in doing so if you just take me to the store so I can buy everything else I need," Clarke ground out, glaring fully at Raven.

Raven ignored the look, turning into the library parking lot. "Oh look, we're here."

"Now get out so I can get my seat back," Octavia ordered, pushing Clarke toward the door.

Clarke pushed Octavia's hands off of her and unbuckled her seatbelt, turning fully to face Octavia in the back. "If I come home to the apartment on fire, an appliance on fire, or any of the furniture on fire, you are both dead."

"Oh please," Raven sighed, waving Clarke off. "As if we'd leave it on fire long enough for you to get home and see it." She grinned cheekily at her, reaching past her to push the door open. "Now get out. O, you ready to go?"

Octavia excitedly climbed out of the car to pull Clarke out of her seat. She plopped down in the now vacant passenger's seat and closed the door, rolling down the window quickly. Clarke crossed her arms, still glaring at her friends.

"See ya later, Clarkey," Raven called, leaning over to see her out of Octavia's window. "Try not to kill anyone with that glare of yours."

"Tell Lexa we said 'good luck'!" Octavia said, smiling innocently up at Clarke.

Without another word, Raven pulled away. Clarke flipped off the retreating car, waiting until it turned out of sight to walk into the library. She shoved her hands into her pockets, scowling as the automatic doors opened up into the café. Her frustrations festered as she walked into the library proper, bypassing the café without stopping to get her usual coffees.

The front desk was empty when she looked up, and a look of confusion took over her previous scowl. She began to wander the shelves, hoping to find her girlfriend somewhere among them. _If Raven dropped me off here and Lexa isn't even working..._

She came to an abrupt stop as she turned around one of the shelves, someone standing in the middle of the next. It took her a minute to realize what she was seeing, but when she did, she couldn't fight off the smile that broke out across her cheeks.

Clarke leaned against the shelf to her right, watching as her girlfriend danced to whatever music was playing in her headphones as she placed the books in her arms in their proper spaces on the shelves. It wasn't until she started singing under her breath that Clarke pushed off of the shelf to walk toward Lexa, who was completely oblivious to the presence of her new audience.

" _You only get what you put into this life. So how could anybody be living in a bad dream. Oh!_ " Lexa sang along, growing louder and more energetic as she went along until the chorus began. She jumped around suddenly with the beginning of the chorus, clearly prepared to begin the performance of her life, when she stopped abruptly. Her eyes opened comically wide as she took in Clarke standing just feet from her with a smirk on her face.

Clarke sauntered forward and reached out to pull one of Lexa's earbuds out. "Having fun?" she asked teasingly.

Lexa's face reddened as she fumbled with the books in her arms. "I-I wasn't expecting you yet," she stumbled out finally. She placed her books back on her cart and took a deep breath. "Can we pretend that you didn't see that?"

With a laugh and a shake of her head, Clarke firmly denied Lexa's request. "Absolutely not. That is going to hold permanent residence in my memories as one of my favorites."

Lexa groaned. "Is that absolutely necessary?"

"Just be glad I didn't get video evidence." She grinned cheekily at Lexa before taking the final step closer to her and pulling the discarded earphone up to her own ear. "What are you listening to, anyway?" She nodded in approval as she listened to the song come to a close. "I didn't know you were a Mowgli's fan."

"Now you do." Lexa popped the earphone out of Clarke's ear and pulled her own out as well. She pulled her phone out to stop the music from continuing to play. "Are you sure you can't forget that you saw that?"

"I am one-hundred percent positive that I will never forget that." She moved closer to Lexa and placed her hands on her girlfriend's hips. "I am also one-hundred percent positive that I want to go dancing again with you now. So congratulations on making me want to go out clubbing again."

"How on earth am I at fault for that?" Lexa asked with a small grin forming, amused at her girlfriend's logic.

Clarke placed a quick kiss on Lexa's cheek before leaning back with a huge grin of her own. "Those radical dance moves, of course! They'd make any girl crave a night of dancing. It's all about that _pelvic rotation_ ," she laughed out. Lexa's blush returned at that, and she held her chin a little higher as if to counteract her embarrassment.

"I'll have you know that I am a very good dancer. Just because I jump around in the stacks when no one is around doesn't mean that I can't dance."

"Oh, I know you can dance," Clarke said, dropping her voice a little. "I remember quite well just what these hips can do." She squeezed Lexa's hips at that, causing Lexa to gasp quietly.

"You do, do you?" Lexa asked, her voice cracking ever so slightly.

"Mhm. I definitely do." Clarke leaned it to nip at Lexa's jaw, moving down to place kisses down her neck.

"Clarke," Lexa warned with a hum. "I thought we've been over how inappropriate it is to do this here."

"You may have said something of the sort before," Clarke mumbled against the skin of Lexa's neck, not retreating from her activities in the slightest.

"And yet..." Lexa gripped at Clarke's biceps, clearly debating between pulling her closer or pushing her away.

"And yet here we are," Clarke continued for her. She grinned when Lexa finally relented and pulled her a little closer. "Shall we go to the back room?"

She felt Lexa nod and smiled triumphantly. Lexa's hands dragged down her arms to pull Clarke's hands away from her hips. She let their fingers tangle and took a step back. "Let's go."

And with the look in Lexa's eyes, Clarke didn't have to be told twice.

* * *

 

"So, I'm pretty confident that Raven didn't have that in mind when she dropped me off here," Clarke said with a smirk. She put her hands behind her head and leaned back in her chair, watching Lexa as she worked on the library computer at the front desk.

Lexa breathed out a laugh. "No, I don't think so. But a distraction's a distraction, I guess."

"You were meant to be a distraction then, huh?" Clarke asked, dropping her arms and leaning toward Lexa. She rested her forearms on the desk and leaned in to her girlfriend.

"Of sorts, yes," Lexa admitted. She looked over at Clarke finally, forgetting about her work momentarily. "Is that a problem?"

"That Raven used my own girlfriend to distract me?" Lexa nodded. "I think I'd be more offended if you didn't enjoy that as much as I did. But, by the sounds you made..." Clarke trailed off, thinking back to their activities just an hour previous.

Lexa shoved at Clarke's arm, pushing her away slightly. "Shut up," she mumbled through her poorly fought off smile. "If you'd care to recall, you weren't so quiet yourself."

Clarke shrugged and leaned back in her chair again. "I never claimed to be quiet."

With a shake of her head and a short laugh, Lexa turned back to her computer. "And now we have the rest of the day to occupy here in the library."

"Yes we do. What do you have planned for me, oh great distractor?" Clarke teased.

Lexa glanced over to her again before quickly looking back to her computer. "Well, I do have some work to get finished. But if you let me do that all in one sitting, we can do whatever you'd like afterward."

Clarke wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Whatever I'd like?"

"Within reason." Lexa's amendment deflated Clarke's excitement quickly.

"You're lucky I love you."

"Hm," Lexa hummed. "With a comment like that you could make a girl think you only wanted her for her body."

"But what a nice body it is."

"Just nice?" Lexa's eyebrow quirked up, but she kept her gaze firmly on the computer screen.

Clarke shrugged nonchalantly. "There are many other words I could use to describe it, but I don't think you'd be up for round two in the back room so soon."

Lexa rolled her eyes and pushed back from her desk, turning her chair to look Clarke straight on. "You're insatiable."

"This is not new information."

Lexa smiled and shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you going to let me finish these reports?"

"Am I being a distraction?" Clarke teased.

"You're always a distraction. I'm surprised I ever get anything finished with you always running across my mind."

"Aaw, babe," Clarke cooed. "You're such a sap."

Lexa stuck her tongue out at her and Clarke did the same in return. With a roll of her eyes, Lexa turned back to her computer. "I do need to finish this, though. So you can either sit there and keep me company, or you can go wander a bit. Whatever you'd prefer."

"What're you reading?" Clarke asked, rummaging through Lexa's backpack on the floor. She pulled out a small, slightly battered book and examined the cover. " _Letters to a Young Poet_?" She fanned through the pages quickly and then looked up at Lexa.

"Yeah. It's a good read, if you're interested. Rilke is very well spoken. If you're not, _American Gods_ is in there as well. You like Gaiman, right?"

"I'll give it a go." Clarke shifted in her seat, curling up with her legs and feet partially underneath her.

Lexa smiled faintly, watching Clarke get comfortable. When Clarke stopped shifting about, Lexa turned back to her computer, content to finish her work with Clarke reading beside her.

* * *

 

"What do you think?" Lexa asked, pushing away from her desk as she put her computer to sleep.

Clarke held up her hand, indicating that she wanted Lexa to give her a minute. Lexa sat dutifully in silence, watching Clarke read through the letter she was currently on. Before long, she placed her finger in the book and looked up to Lexa.

"So?" Lexa asked again.

"It's good. Really good, actually. How many times have you read this before?"

"Quite a few times. I like to read it at least once a year. It helps remind me why I want to write."

"Do you mind if I borrow it?"

Lexa smiled, pulling Clarke's chair closer to her. "I can do you one better. You can have that one."

Clarke looked down at the book in her hands, her brow scrunched as she thought over the offer. "But you've marked this one up so much..."

"Does that bother you? I can buy you a new copy, if you'd like."

Clarke's head jerked up at that. "No, the markings aren't a problem. You don't need to buy me a new one. I just thought that this one was important to you."

"Well," Lexa began, looking down at the book in Clarke's hands, "It is important to me. But it would actually mean a lot to me if you would take it. Maybe add your own thoughts to what I've added."

"Are you sure?"

Lexa nodded. "Absolutely. I'd love for you to have my copy. I'll get another one and probably mark it up, too." She grinned at Clarke. "Or I'll just wait until we move in together and take it back."

Clarke quirked a brow at her. "So this is a temporary gift. In other words, I'm borrowing it."

"What's mine is yours, Clarke," Lexa said, motioning around herself.

Clarke laughed. "Of course it is. I'll take good care of this in the meantime."

"Much appreciated."

Clarke leaned over and placed a brief kiss on Lexa's cheek. "So, what now?"

Lexa shrugged. "Do you want to go set up a movie in the lounge area? There's a pretty big screen and some comfy seats in there."

"And neglect your duties?" Clarke gasped. "I'm surprised such a thought would even cross your mind."

"Because I've never neglected them before for you."

"Are you calling me a bad influence?"

"I'm calling you a welcomed distraction. Anyway, Monroe was forewarned that this may happen today. She's prepared to cover the desk and knows to get me if I'm needed." Lexa stood up and stretched her arms above her head, letting out a satisfied moan when her back cracked. She let her arms fall again to her side and turned toward the lounge area. "Well, are you coming?"

Clarke hopped up from her seat to follow after Lexa. "What're we watching?"

"Anything you'd like to watch."

"Anything?"

Lexa pulled Clarke's hand into her own as they walked, twining their fingers together. "The library has a pretty extensive collection of movies to choose from. So I'd imagine that almost anything you could think of is probably in there. And if not, we can always hook the screen up to a computer and pull something up online."

"You've got it all figured out, don't you?"

With another shrug, Lexa directed Clarke into a side room of the library. "I take my responsibility in distracting you quite seriously."

Clarke laughed softly and walked into the room, taking in the beanbag chairs, oversized love seats, and copious amounts of blankets and pillows strewn about. "Cozy."

"The library director thought it'd be a good space for people to take a break from studying or whatever else they're here for. I've come in multiple times to students taking naps in here. Did you not know this was back here?"

"Well, when I come to the library, I usually do so to actually get work finished."

"Which was demonstrated today by our earlier activities."

Clarke smiled sweetly at Lexa. "I was studying the female anatomy. It's very important to my doctoral studies to know every single part and how they react to certain... stimulation."

Lexa swallowed thickly at the thought of just what sort of stimulation Clarke was referring to. "Right," she choked out. Clearing her throat, Lexa walked further into the room. "So, movie. Which one?"

Clarke chuckled, amused by her flustered girlfriend. "How about..." she thought for a moment, staring up at the ceiling and trying to think of a movie. " _The Dead Poets Society_."

Lexa walked over to the wall on the left side of the room that was covered with a floor to ceiling shelving unit. She skimmed through the titles, looking for the one Clarke requested. "In the poetry mood, huh?"

"What can I say? Rilke is an inspiring force."

"Of course he is," Lexa said distractedly. She gave a quiet triumphant cheer when she found the movie, pulling the case off of the shelf. "Why don't you get comfortable while I set this up?"

Clarke did as Lexa suggested, plopping down on one of the oversized love seats. She pulled one of the blankets around her and waited somewhat patiently for Lexa to get everything set up. When Lexa finished, she joined Clarke on the seat, letting the blonde curl into her side and throw the blanket over both of them.

"Comfy?" Lexa asked, remote poised to start the movie at Clarke's approval.

With a nod and content sigh, Clarke relaxed further as Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke. Starting the movie, Lexa shifted just slightly to wrap her other arm around Clarke, holding her close.

And maybe it wasn't exactly the sort of day that Clarke was expecting, but with the way it was turning out, she knew she'd have to thank Raven when she got home. A day spent with Lexa and without worries was just what she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving woes for all!! We all know that Thanksgiving calls for drama, right? Isn't that how family holidays are supposed to work? 
> 
> What's your favorite/most horrid holiday memory? I got broken up with two days before Thanksgiving one year... over the phone even. And one Christmas I was throwing up all day. So those are my worst ones. But so many good ones that I can't even explain them. 
> 
> Next chapter next week some time... hopefully. It may be early the following week. I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday, and lord knows that I'm probably going to be so far out of it for a few days that I won't be able to do anything productive. 
> 
> Side note, the "Clarke catching Lexa dancing/singing to music in her earbuds" was a request made much earlier in this story. So if you requested that, here it is! Your big moment!! 
> 
> As always, comments/kudos/requests are welcomed and loved. And you can follow me on tumblr @musiclurv. Shoutout to the Med student that's reached out on tumblr because I probably definitely will be picking your brain as we move forward with this. (And I've maybe enjoyed talking to you. Even if you're from Florida).
> 
> Also, you should all definitely read Letter to a Young Poet and American Gods if you haven't. Both really good books! And The Dead Poet's Society is an amazing movie. Just make sure you have a box of tissues ready. (Anyone agree? Disagree? Please talk books and movies with me.)


	42. I'll Be Your Shoulder At Anytime You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are actually pretty okay sometimes, and Thanksgiving morning doesn't go quite as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I am actually still alive. Sorry for missing the update last week. I was pretty much dead since Thursday and just now have the energy to actually update for you all. So here you go! I hope you enjoy

Lunch and two more movies later, Lexa looked down at her watch to see that it was time to get Clarke back to the apartment. She nudged Clarke's head that was resting on her shoulder, only for Clarke to nuzzle in closer.

Lexa stifled a laugh. "Love, it's time to go." She brushed some of Clarke's hair away from her face gently, trying to coax her out of her half awake, half asleep state.

"But I'm comfy," Clarke pouted, wrapping her arms around Lexa's waist and squeezing a little. "We aren't on a schedule."

"Yeah we are. And it's time to get you home."

Clarke lifted her head to prop her chin on Lexa's shoulder. She squinted at her girlfriend, trying to figure her out. "Why are we on a schedule?"

"You already knew my job was to be a distraction today. Clearly there was an agenda of sorts in place. I'm surprised you didn't figure that out already."

"I was sincerely hoping that Raven and Octavia weren't actually up to something and were, in fact, just concerned for my wellbeing."

"It can't be both?" Lexa asked, standing up when Clarke let her go to lean away and stretch her body out.

Clarke stood as well, following Lexa as she led her back to the front desk of the library to gather her things. "You know them well enough by now to know that when they're up to something, it rarely turns out well."

"Raven's proposal turned out well."

"Yet things still went boom."

"I doubt anything will go boom today. Anya's chaperoning." Lexa cringed and quickly turned to Clarke when she realized what she said. "Forget I said that."

Clarke tilted her head to the side, clearly confused. She crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation that she knew she didn't need to ask for.

"No, Clarke. I'm not supposed to say anything."

"Lexa, why is your sister helping out my friends?"

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Raven would kill me." Lexa pulled her bag up off the floor, busying herself with throwing her things back into it. "I promised not to say anything."

"And you haven't, really. Telling me why Anya is helping isn't going to give anything away."

"Yes it will."

Clarke quirked her brow at Lexa expectantly, cocking her hip to rest her weight on one leg. When Lexa remained silent, Clarke sighed and rubbed her hand down her face in frustration. "Just promise me that nothing is going to be broken or on fire when I get home."

Again, Lexa cringed, but forced it into a totally unconvincing innocent smile. "I unfortunately can't promise you that. But how bad could it really be?"

"With Raven at the helm of whatever plot is going on? Horrible." She sighed again, turning to the exit. "Well, let's get going. The sooner I see what's broken, the sooner I can buy a replacement."

"I honestly don't think it'll be that bad," Lexa said hurriedly as she rushed to catch up to a quickly walking Clarke. The woman was on a mission and wasn't going to be slowed down now that she knew for certain that Raven was actually up to something.

"You weren't there for the oven incident of 2014."

"The oven incident?" Lexa asked curiously, pulling the passenger door open for Clarke to climb in. She hurried over to the driver's side, throwing her bag on the backseat and starting up her car quickly. She knew better than to dawdle when Clarke was like this.

Clarke hummed in affirmation. "Yeah, the oven incident. Suffice it to say that Raven somehow managed to melt the oven door, blow a pot lid through the ceiling, and burn the floor all in the span of half an hour."

Lexa's eyebrows rose in surprise. "That's actually kind of impressive."

"The insurance company didn't think so."

With a shake of her head and a soft chuckle, Lexa drove out of the library parking lot. She reached over and took Clarke's hand in her own, letting them rest on the center console. "There's nothing to worry about, Clarke. I promise."

Again, Clarke only hummed in acknowledgement, choosing to look out the car window instead of continuing the conversation. She chewed on her lip in silence as Lexa drove her home.

They arrived at the apartment complex without issue, and Clarke was visibly relieved to see that the building was still standing. "So far so good," she mumbled under her breath as she got out of the car.

Lexa shot off a quick text to let Raven know they were there before climbing out of the car herself. She quickly made her way to Clarke and was pleased when Clarke clasped their hands together. She'd admit that she was slightly nervous that Clarke was mad at her for keeping her away from whatever Raven was up to. The soft squeeze of her hand had Lexa fully relaxing, reassured that Clarke wasn't too irritated.

The walk up to Clarke's apartment was made in silence as well, Lexa not wanting to push her girlfriend into talking. She let Clarke set the pace of their walk, knowing now that it was better to not hinder her.

When they walked up to the front door of her apartment, Clarke came to a stop. Her eyes slid closed and she took in a deep breath. "Ready or not..." she grumbled as she opened her eyes.

"Let me," Lexa offered, reaching forward to push the door open. She let Clarke walk in first, hoping with all that she had in her that what was on the other side wouldn't upset Clarke.

Not smelling any smoke, Clarke looked a little reassured, and she walked in the apartment. What was on the other side stopped her in her tracks.

The entire apartment was cleaned - Lexa would even be tempted to say it was sparkling. They took in the sight of the apartment, walking into the living room to find Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Anya, Monty and Jasper sprawled out over the furniture and floor.

"Well," Clarke started, letting go of Lexa's hand and walking into the center of the living room to stand in front of all of her friends, "I'm impressed."

"And nothing's on fire," Raven said proudly. She sat on the couch with Octavia, her arm draped over her fiancé's shoulders.

"You should be proud," Octavia added on.

Clarke nodded her head in agreement. "I'm even more impressed with Jasper and Monty involved."

"Hey! I am more than responsible enough to be trusted," Monty said, crossing his arms and looking up at Clarke defiantly from where he sat on the floor.

"Debatable," Jasper said with a shit-eating grin. "What about the one time that you went with Maya and I to that lab she was interning at and--"

"Okay, okay!" Monty cut in, stopping Jasper before he could continue with the tale. "It was one time, though. I'm usually very responsible. I can hardly be blamed that I got excited about testing out new tech."

"Which is how multiple desks caught fire."

"You had a hand in that, too."

"I never said I didn't." Jasper's grin spread as he thought back on that adventure. "That was a good day."

Raven threw a pillow at the two, breaking up their bantering. "How about we focus on today? Sound good?" She looked between the two expectantly, waiting for their agreement. "Good. Now, back to all of this."

"Yes, back to all of this," Clarke said, motioning with her hands to the room at large. "You've clearly been busy."

"You have no idea," Anya murmured from where she was sitting on the other end of the couch. Lexa walked over to her to sit on the arm of the couch, nudging her sister's shoulder.

"Anyway," Raven said with a roll of her eyes. "You knew we were up to something."

"Because you're usually so subtle in your scheming," Bellamy chimed in from where he was leaning against the couch on the floor in front of Octavia. Octavia kicked him lightly, telling him to shut up.

"You all are making this far more difficult that it should be." Raven glared at everyone in the room that had interrupted her, finally looking back at Clarke. She stood from the couch and walked to stand behind Lexa. Placing her hands on Lexa's shoulders, she continued. "Lexa here was the obvious choice for a distraction. She can keep you happily occupied even on your worst days."

"True. It's gross," Anya cut in again.

"So gross," Raven agreed. "While your lover was distracting you," Lexa shot her a glare at that, and Raven patted her shoulder placatingly before moving to stand before Clarke, "We were hard at work here. And elsewhere. Go look in the fridge."

Clarke eyed her suspiciously, but made her way to the kitchen. She pulled the door open to find a giant wrapped turkey sitting on the bottom shelf. Above it were a couple of pies and several side dishes, ready to be served on Thanksgiving day.

She was still looking in the fridge, dumbfounded, when her friends entered the kitchen behind her.

"As you can see, we took the liberty to prepare some stuff for Thursday. Only what can hold a couple of days, of course. And what would actually taste good reheated," Raven explained.

"You can't cook," Clarke said simply, still staring into the fridge.

"Which is where Bellamy, Monty, and Murphy came in handy. I recruited them to take care of the cooking. Jasper just came with Monty."

"I helped!" Jasper shouted, offended by her insinuation.

"You helped make a mess. Other than that..." Bellamy said, glaring at the younger boy. Jasper rolled his eyes dramatically and leaned against the wall, pouting. "Exactly."

"Murphy came to help?" Clarke asked, confused by his lack of presence in the apartment.

"He ditched out pretty early. Something about a hot date." Bellamy shrugged.

" _And_ , while they were busy here doing that, Anya, O and I made our way to the store. Did you know that Anya here actually has quite a lot of knowledge about turkeys?"

Anya shrugged, seemingly uninterested in any of this. "Google knows all."

"It also helped that she's prepared Thanksgiving for us for years now," Lexa said with a soft smile. She came over to Clarke and closed the refrigerator for her, turning her around to face her friends. "I told you it'd be fine," she whispered in Clarke's ear, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

Clarke learned into the embrace, letting Lexa support her.

"And then after we finished shopping, we all came back here and started cleaning. I, for one, did not know that so much dust could collect so quickly," Raven concluded.

"I don't think I've ever seen you dust anything in this apartment before," Octavia teased. "It's not a surprise that there was so much. I _am_ surprised that none of us died from coughing, though. That stuff is killer to breathe in."

"Definitely not enjoyable," Anya said with a slight frown. "Maybe think about wiping things down every now and then."

"We'll work on it," Raven said, waving her off. "So, like I said before, there was nothing to worry about."

Clarke looked from one friend to the next, her hands holding onto Lexa's arms around her. When her body began trembling slightly, Lexa squeezed her reassuringly. "You did all of this for me?" Clarke asked, her voice wavering. She swallowed thickly and tried to fight off the tears that were beginning to form, making her vision misty.

Raven shrugged. "It isn't much. We still have stuff to do on Thursday. But after yesterday, I thought we could take a bit of that stress off your hands."

"She can be sweet sometimes," Octavia sassed, nudging Raven beside her. Raven just rolled her eyes and wrapped her arm around Octavia's waist.

"Whatever," she mumbled, the slight smile forming at the corner of her lips belying any actual frustration.

"You guys..." Clarke choked out, her voice cracking over the two words. She moved out of Lexa's arms and walked over to Raven, pulling her into a tight hug. She grabbed at Octavia, pulling her in as well, and soon waved everyone else over too. She was quickly engulfed in a massive hug from her friends, though Anya and Lexa stood off to the side, letting them have this moment.

"Thank you for helping," Lexa said quietly to Anya. They watched the group as they comforted Clarke, the blonde trying to hold back her tears as best she could in the middle of them all.

Anya shrugged. "What're big sisters for?"

Lexa turned to look at her, her expression serious. She grasped Anya's arm, waiting for her to look at her. "Really, Anya. Thank you. It means a lot. Clarke's been stressed for months, and I don't know what... She puts a lot of pressure on herself, and I've watched her almost burn out before, and it's really not good. So seriously, thank you for helping her."

Anya squeezed Lexa's hand on her arm, choosing to stay silent and look back at the group of friends who were trying to disentangle themselves at the moment. Lexa smiled and turned from Anya, letting her hand fall back to her side.

When Clarke finally made it out of the group, she walked over to Lexa and Anya, looking at them sincerely, her eyes still watery. "Thank you both. This really does mean a lot."

The sisters both shrugged, looking remarkably alike in that one motion. "You're family. We look after family," Anya said as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

A huge smile spread across Lexa's face at that, her cheeks almost hurting with the motion. She tried to look as if she knew Anya thought that all along, but she was absolutely glowing on the inside. Clarke, on the other hand, looked like she was about to break down into tears again. The smile that overwhelmed her, though, radiated with happiness.

The blonde reached out, pulling Anya into a hug, Anya responding stiffly, patting Clarke on the back. She cleared her throat when Clarke continued to hold on to her.

"Oh no. You're going to let me enjoy this hug. And you're going to enjoy it to. It's what families do," Clarke said, smiling even wider, if that was at all possible.

And the image of her sister and her girlfriend embracing (however awkwardly on Anya's part) may have been the most heartwarming thing that Lexa had ever seen.

"Alright you three," Raven called, breaking up the moment. Clarke let go of Anya, turning to look at Raven again. The rest of the group had cleared out of the kitchen already. "Dinner's already on the table. Everyone else is out there."

"You made dinner, too?" Clarke asked, pleasantly surprised.

"Yep. So get your asses out there before it gets cold." The three walked past Raven eagerly, looking forward to getting some good food in their stomachs. "By the way, Clarke. We need a new roast pan and oven wrack."

Clarke smacked a hand to her face, but apparently decided that rebuking her friends for ruining her pan and oven wrack just wasn't worth it. She dragged her hand down her face with a sigh and a knowing smile.

Lexa grasped Clarke's hand, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "Minor casualties that are easily replaced. Let's just go enjoy dinner."

* * *

 

Thanksgiving in the Griffin household used to be a celebrated event. Jake Griffin used to make sure that his wife and daughter were taken care of in every way possible. He'd let Clarke help in the kitchen, banishing Abby to the living room to relax for one day. And he and Clarke would cook the entire dinner themselves. And by he and Clarke, of course that meant he'd cook and Clarke would pretend to help, contributing only to the mess on the counters.

But there was always a lot of laughter. Even Abby would come in every few minutes, drawn in by the ever-charming charisma of Jake Griffin that could ensnare even the coolest of hearts.

He'd make the turkey dance for Clarke, making up some ridiculous song about turkeys or Thanksgiving or cooking. He'd make it snow with flour thrown up in the air. He'd spin the pies about. And all along he'd be laughing, no matter the mess that was made. And Clarke loved every second of it.

The first Thanksgiving after he died, Clarke didn't leave her room. Her mother worked all day, covering the shifts of doctors who actually wanted to be home for the holiday.

The next, Clarke went to a restaurant by herself, her mother still avoiding the holiday like it was the plague. Raven and Octavia found her and ate dinner with her, not leaving her side until late the next day.

Her senior year of high school, Clarke was surprised to find Abby in the kitchen on Thanksgiving morning, grumbling over a cookbook with an apron tied around her waist. She eagerly accepted Clarke's offer for dinner out at a restaurant instead of wrestling with a turkey. It was a silent meal.

Every Thanksgiving since has been strained. Abby would eat with Clarke, when she actually remembered to request the day off. But Clarke had learned to not expect too much anymore. One year, Abby had even managed to pull together a halfway decent traditional meal for the two of them, turkey and all. And she'd tried every year following that to at least have a turkey prepared.

But this Thanksgiving would be different.

This year, Clarke was in control, and everyone that she loved that could be there, would be there. It would be as perfect as it could be without her father there.

Well, it would be if the damn bird would just cooperate.

Clarke growled at the offending turkey, trying to fit it into the too small pan. You'd think she would have thought about making sure that it'd fit in the pan that she had, but no. _Of course it'll fit, Clarke. Why would you be reasonable and actually check before? The bird's only about three times the size of your head._ She rolled her eyes at her own thoughts.

Clearly, she was not as ready for this as she had thought.

"You alright in here, love?" Lexa asked, walking into the kitchen. She and Anya had arrived around half an hour earlier, joining Octavia, Raven and herself for the prepping of the big meal. They had been tasked with last minute clean-up and setting the table with the new tablecloth, plates, and napkins that had been bought for the occasion.

Clarke glared over her shoulder at Lexa, making her girlfriend jump in surprise. "Does it _look_ like I'm alright?" She shoved the pan that sort of held the bird away from her. "This isn't going to work."

Lexa inched closer, holding her hands out as if she was approaching a temperamental animal. "What isn't going to work?"

"It's too big for the pan! And I have to get it in the over in the next twenty minutes, or it's not going to be ready in time. And I still have to make the rest of the side dishes." She looked at the clock again, the panic really starting to set it. "And my mother is going to be here in two hours. Everyone else soon after. Why did I decide to host this again?" She turned quickly to Lexa, her panicking making her breathing quick and her eyes watery.

"Love," Lexa said, reaching out and holding Clarke's face in her hands. She rubbed her thumbs soothingly across her cheekbones. "Clarke, you need to take a deep breath."

Clarke's eyes jumped between Lexa's, her breathing not calming down in the slightest. She grasped at Lexa's forearms, beginning to feel weak in the knees. "I can't do this, Lexa," she gasped out.

Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke's waist, lowering them to the floor as slowly as she could. She leaned Clarke's back against the oven door, checking to make sure that it wasn't heated up yet first. Kneeling down in front of Clarke, Lexa took her face between her hands again. "Clarke, love. I really need to you take a breath with me. Can you do that?" She looked pleadingly at Clarke.

And Clarke really wanted to do what Lexa asked. She really did. But her chest was tight and she couldn't get enough air in.

Lexa frowned, her expression scrunching up as she thought. Quickly, she let go of Clarke before moving to pick her up instead. Putting one hand under her knees and the other supporting her shoulders, Lexa lifted Clarke in her arms. Clarke grasped at her, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck.

She walked as quickly as she dared to with Clarke trembling in her arms and gasping for breath.

"What's happening?" Raven asked sharply, standing up from where she had been sitting on the couch.

"Open the balcony door," was the only response Lexa gave her, not pausing a second to bother explaining. Raven did as she was asked, eyes darting between Lexa, Clarke, and the balcony.

When Lexa got Clarke outside, she sat down on one of the chairs that were out there, holding Clarke to her and rocking back and forth slowly. "Clarke, do you need me to hold you or let you go?" Lexa asked, her stare never wavering from the girl in her arms.

"Hold," Clarke gasped out, her shaking becoming worse. She grasped at Lexa's shirt, clinging to it as if it was her lifeline.

"What. Is. Happening?" Raven asked again through clenched teeth. Octavia had followed her out, and when Lexa glanced up, she noticed that Anya wasn't far behind.

"Panic attack," Lexa said simply. "You all need to leave. The extra attention isn't going to help." She looked to Anya, knowing that Clarke's two best friends wouldn't want to leave her side.

Anya nodded and ushered the two back into the house, though they both argued the whole way.

"Clarke, I'm going to turn you so that you're turned away from me, okay?" She didn't do so until Clarke nodded her confirmation. "Alright, here we go..." She turned Clarke, letting her settle between Lexa's legs and pressing Clarke's back to her front. She wrapped her arms around Clarke again, making sure her hold wasn't too tight. "I want you to try to breathe with me, okay?"

"I-I can't," Clarke gasped out, hand now grasping at her own chest.

"Can you try for me? Please?"

Clarke's head fell forward in the closest thing to a nod that she felt she could give at the moment. She had never felt anything like this before. She didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to stop it.

"Okay, on the count of three. One... two... three." Lexa took in a deep breath, her chest pressing into Clarke's back with it. Clarke tried to do the same, but felt like she was choking on the air she was trying to breathe in. "It's okay. You're okay," Lexa said calmly from behind her. She brushed some of Clarke's hair back soothingly. "Let's try again. Ready? One... two... three."

They repeated the same process until Clarke was finally able to take a few deep breaths in, letting them out just as slowly.

"That's my girl. You're okay." Lexa pulled Clarke to her, letting her curl up in her lap now that she had calmed down and could breathe on her own without hyperventilating. She whispered calming and reassuring words into Clarke's ear as Clarke buried her face against Lexa's neck.

Finally, after what seemed like hours to Clarke, she pulled away from Lexa, choosing to look up at her instead. Lexa met her gaze steadily, combing her fingers through Clarke's hair.

"Are you alright?" Lexa asked, concern evident in her eyes.

Clarke nodded. "I just had a panic attack, didn't I?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, you did. But you're okay now."

Clarke sighed and pushed herself away from Lexa, sitting up on the chair between Lexa's legs. "That's never happened to me before."

Lexa rubbed at Clarke's back. "Let's hope it doesn't happen again. Are you ready to go back inside?" she asked gently.

Clarke looked around them, seemingly just noticing that they were actually outside. "Why did you bring me outside?"

"It was too warm inside. I wanted to make sure you didn't feel more suffocated than you already did."

"You seem to know a lot about this." Clarke rubbed at her chest absentmindedly, the pressure still feeling heavier than she was used to.

Lexa nodded. "I've had my fair share of them. Anya's had a couple. We've learned how to handle them."

Clarke cringed. "I wouldn't wish that upon anyone."

"It happens. But you're okay now. Are you getting cold?" She rubbed Clarke's arms, seeing the goosebumps rising on them.

With a nod, Clarke pushed herself up slowly, not completely trusting her shaky legs to hold her weight. "Let's go back inside."

Lexa quickly stood after her, wrapping her arm around Clarke's lower back and supporting her as they made their way back inside. She led Clarke over to the couch and helped her sit down on it.

"Lex, I have stuff to get done," Clarke complained, moving to stand up again.

Lexa shook her head, holding Clarke down on the couch from where she knelt in front of her. "You have nothing to do right now but rest. Take a moment for yourself. Please." The look she gave Clarke seemed so sad and worried that Clarke couldn't bring herself to protest any more. She nodded, chewing on her lip.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"What on earth are you sorry for?" Lexa asked, pulling back slightly in confusion.

"For messing up Thanksgiving."

Lexa huffed and rolled her eyes with a soft smile. "You didn't mess up Thanksgiving, Clarke. The meal will just be postponed for a bit. It's alright. Speaking of which..." She stood up and walked over to the hall leading to the bedrooms. "You guys can come back out now!" she called down the hall. Clarke heard a door swing open almost instantly and then feet thundering down the hall.

"Clarke!" Both Octavia and Raven called, storming into the living room and climbing onto the couch, one on each side of Clarke. They looked like they wanted to reach out to her, but held themselves back from doing so.

"I'm okay, guys. Really. Just a minor mishap. All is well with the world again." She tried for a teasing tone, but her still slightly shaky voice betrayed her.

"'Okay' my ass. What happened?"

"About that," Lexa cut in, moving to stand in front of the three on the couch. Anya stood off to the side, watching on silently. "I need you two to go out and grab a bigger pan. It can be a disposable one. One of those tin ones that you can find at the grocery store. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"What does that have to do with what happened?" Octavia asked, face scrunched in confusion.

"The turkey's too big for the pan we have," Clarke explained. "I may have gotten more upset about that than I should have."

"Because I'm sure the problem was the turkey," Raven said with an eye roll. She stood up and grabbed Octavia's hand, pulling her up as well. "But we'll get right on that. Will you three be okay here?"

"We'll be fine," Anya said, waving them off. "Go get the pan."

Octavia and Raven both leaned over to give Clarke a quick hug before leaving to complete their task.

"I'll be in the kitchen. We just have the sweet potatoes and the green beans to get cooking, right?" Anya asked Lexa.

"Yeah. Do you know where everything is?" Lexa asked.

Anya nodded with a wave of her hand, turning to walk into the kitchen without further comment.

Lexa sat down next to Clarke, a small smile forming when Clarke reached over to hold her hand. "Are you feeling any better?" Lexa asked, her voice quiet in the silence that had fallen over the apartment.

Clarke shrugged noncommittally. "I've felt better, that's for sure. But I'm alright," she quickly reassured when Lexa tensed up. She leaned against Lexa, resting her head on her girlfriend's shoulder.

When Lexa relaxed against her, Clarke pulled her legs up to rest over Lexa's as well, curling into her a bit more. "There's still so much to get done," she mumbled, reaching up to play with a bit of Lexa's hair that hung over her shoulder.

Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke, letting the fingers of her other twine with Clarke's that wasn't playing with her hair. She hummed, leaning her chin on the top of Clarke's head. "We'll take care of it. Don't worry."

Clarke scoffed softly, but didn't argue. Instead, she felt her eyes drifting closed, comforted by Lexa's warm embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Thanksgiving begins...
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me the past week of silence. Like I said, I was pretty much dead the past week. But I should be getting back into the swing of updating now. 
> 
> Comments/Kudos/Requests are always welcomed and loved. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you so desire. See y'all next week!!


	43. I've Got A Lot to Learn About A Lot of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath, apologies, and some family bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onto the end of Thanksgiving!

"Why didn't you call me?" were the first words that she heard from her mother once she had exited from her room after changing into something a bit more formal for dinner. Abby met her at her bedroom door, fussing over her incessantly, having arrived at the apartment while Clarke was changing.

Clarke shot a glare at Lexa, the brunette cringing back from the look. "Why did you tell her?" she asked, her voice barely more than a hissed whisper.

"I--" Lexa started but was quickly cut off.

"She didn't. I did," Raven said, walking into the hallway where the confrontation was apparently going to happen. "And I'm not going to apologize for that." She crossed her arms and leaned her weight on her good leg. She gave Clarke a challenging look, daring her to get angry with her.

"You had no right--" Clarke said, brushing her mother's hands off and taking a step toward her friend.

Lexa caught her by the arms before she could continue on. "Clarke, hang on a second."

"No!" Clarke flung her arms up, throwing Lexa off of her. "No. She had no right to go blabbing about what happened." Her fists clenched at her sides and her jaw clenched as she ground her teeth.

Raven rolled her eyes and let her arms fall to her sides. "She's your mother, Clarke. I thought she'd like to know that you were having a rough day."

"More than a rough day, from the sounds of it," Abby cut in, taking hold of Clarke's arm and turning her back to her. "Let me look over you."

"I'm fine, Mom," Clarke insisted. "It was a minor spell and nothing to worry about."

"I'll be the judge of that." Abby's fingers pressed into Clarke's wrist, testing her pulse for a second before Clarke yanked her arm away.

"I'm fine," she ground out.

"Why don't we all just move out into--" Lexa suggested calmly.

Abby quickly cut her off, turning to face her with a finger pointed directly in her face. "You should have called me. How dare you not notify me the moment something happens to Clarke?"

Lexa held her hands up placatingly, trying to back away only to find her back against the hall wall.

"Don't talk to her like that," Clarke demanding, trying to step between Lexa and her mother.

"I'll talk to her however I please," Abby said, her glare never wavering from Lexa. "You said you'd take care of her. I can't believe that you wouldn't call me, a _doctor_ , when Clarke started showing signs of an attack."

"With all due respect, ma'am, I had it under control."

Abby scoffed. "Like hell you did. She should never have been subjected to enough stress to invoke that kind of reaction! What were you thinking?"

To Lexa's credit, she didn't show a reaction to that more than an annoyed twitch at her eyebrow. Clarke rested her hand on Lexa's arm, feeling the tensing of her muscles under her dress shirt.

" _She_ ," Clarke cut in, "is standing right here and can speak for herself."

Abby looked at Clarke, her expression melting into a concerned look. "Honey, you should be sitting down. We need to make sure you don't experience any more stress than you already have." She shot another glare at Lexa before placing her hand on Clarke's upper arm and turning her toward the living room. She started walking her down the hall without waiting for a response from Clarke.

A response that she was sure to get as Clarke's jaw clenched even more than it was before. She brushed her mother's hand off her arm again when they were halfway down the hall, turning to the woman with clear frustration. Abby turned to her as well, confused by her daughter's reaction.

"Mother, I need you to just stop. Please." Clarke ran her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. "This is not how today was supposed to go."

"Don't worry about that. I can take care of it," Abby assured softly.

Clarke let her hands fall to her sides. "No, I'm taking care of it. I've got this, and I need you to let me. Lexa has been nothing but helpful this entire day. And, though I'm loath to admit it after her betrayal," she mumbled the last part under her breath with a glare at Raven, who didn't look the least bit sorry. "Raven has been a huge help, too. And so have Octavia and Anya. We're taking care of it, and I don't need your help."

"Clarke, you're being ridiculous. Let me finish up--"

"No, Mom," Clarke said sharply. She closed her eyes and took in another deep breath. When she looked at her mother again, her expression was softer. "Thank you, though. Go sit on the couch and enjoy yourself. Raven will join you, and the others should be arriving soon."

Reaching out her hand for Lexa to take, Clarke turned down the hall and made her way to the kitchen. "We're talking about this later," she mumbled to Raven as she passed her best friend, another, though slightly softer, glare sent her way. Raven just shook her head with a roll of her eyes, making her way out to the living room, Abby in tow.

When they made it to the kitchen, Clarke dropped Lexa's hand to instead lean her elbows on the counter, her head dropping to her hands. Lexa inched closer, leaning against the counter beside Clarke but not touching her or saying anything.

Finally, Clarke turned her head slightly to look at Lexa, though she didn't lift it from her hands. "I'm sorry," she said barely above a whisper. Lexa just looked at her in question, her body tense. "For turning on you like that. I shouldn't have assumed you would have told her."

Lexa shrugged, her arms crossed over her chest.

Clarke rolled her eyes with a soft smile, straightening up and leaning her hip against the counter so she was facing Lexa. "That was not a shrug-it-off kind of situation. I reacted unfairly."

"It's not a problem, Clarke. It was a fair assumption." Lexa looked down at the floor, and Clarke knew in that one, small reaction that Lexa wasn't actually okay with it.

"No, it really wasn't fair at all. I assumed, just because you were there, that you would have told her what happened. And it wasn't even necessarily about you telling someone. It was the fact that it was _her_. I mean..." Clarke paused, waving around the kitchen. "I'm doing all of this to prove something to her. And she always thinks that I can't handle even the smallest of things, outside of school work. What happened earlier would just prove that, in her mind." She chewed on her lip, waiting anxiously for Lexa's response.

"Believe it or not," Lexa said with a clipped tone, "I knew all of this was about more than just having a good dinner." Clarke flinched under the cold look Lexa gave her before she looked away again, staring at nothing. The twitch in her jaw let Clarke know she was still holding back her frustration. And, though Clarke wished she didn't have to press it, she couldn't let all of this fester between them. Not right now.

"Lexa, please," Clarke said, attempting to reach over and place her hand on Lexa's arm. Lexa shrugged her off with just a small movement, still stone faced. Clarke sighed, crossing her own arms and leaning agains the counter to mirror Lexa. "I _am_ sorry."

"So you've said."

"What more do you want me to say?"

Lexa blew out a frustrated sigh, blowing some loose hair away from her face. "I don't know. Maybe..." She unwound her arms, flinging her hands out in front of her. "Maybe actually tell me what's going on. Because, while I am perceptive, I'm not a mind reader." Her voice grew louder as she went on, but Clarke knew better than to try to quiet her down. " _Maybe_ you should actually let me know what's bothering you so much that you had a panic attack this morning. You scared me to death, you know." Lexa pushed away from the counter, choosing instead to start pacing the kitchen. Clarke watched her silently, waiting for her to get everything out there. "One second. I left you alone in the kitchen for one second, and I come back to find you freaking out over a fucking turkey. And the next moment, you're panicking and I have to figure out if I need to take you to the hospital or if I can actually help you through it myself. And then you have the gall to actually be mad at me. Even _if_ I had told your mother about it, I had every right to do so." She turned to Clarke quickly, her expression crumpling. "We were all terrified, Clarke. You've been stressing so much and then you finally break like that. You can hardly blame anyone for telling an actual doctor what happened."

"I have it handled."

"Clearly you _don't_ ," Lexa said, her frustration bubbling up again. "Clearly you don't have it 'handled' or you wouldn't have gotten so bad that you pushed yourself into a panic."

Clarke let her arms fall, trying to look less defensive though all she really wanted to do was keep defending herself and her choices. "Lucky you were there to help me, then."

"What if I wasn't, Clarke? What if it was just Raven and Octavia here? Or even no one at all? What then?"

"But it wasn't."

"It easily could have been. And it could be next time."

"There won't be a next time."

"If you keep bottling up all of this," she waved her hands at Clarke, "whatever this is, there sure as hell will be a next time. And if I'm not there to help you through it, what are you going to do? What if something happens to you?"

"Nothing will happen to me."

"You can't promise that." Lexa's expression crumbled again, fear shining through. "You can't promise that nothing is going to happen to you. You're going to burn out, Clarke. If you don't let people help you, you're going to crash."

"I won't--"

"You don't know that!" Lexa shouted, cutting Clarke off. Clarke startled, her eyes widening in surprise. "You don't know that you won't push yourself too far. You're always pushing yourself, Clarke. And now you're bottling up whatever is going on in your head that led to a panic attack. And you're going to be starting medical school soon, which is just going to be even more stress, which I'm sure you're going to bottle up, too."

"I'll be fine."

Lexa groaned in frustration, turning away from Clarke and gripping at her own hair. She looked up to the ceiling, her shoulders tense with her frustration. Then they started shaking slightly as Lexa let her arms fall to wrap around herself.

"Lex," Clarke said softly, pushing off the counter to walk slowly over to her girlfriend. "Lexa, I'm okay." She tried to sound as reassuring as possible.

Lexa gasped in a breath, and Clarke knew then that she was fighting off tears. "Why won't you just tell me what's going on?" she asked without turning around, her voice thick with emotion.

"It's stupid," Clarke tried. She scoffed at how unconvincing that sounded even to herself.

"Please just tell me," Lexa whispered, her head dropping forward.

Clarke stepped closer and let her forehead fall in between Lexa's shoulder-blades to rest there. She stared at the floor, trying to figure out where to start. Finally, she spoke. "When my father was alive, Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. He loved to spend the whole day with his family, making us as happy as possible. I don't remember ever having a bad Thanksgiving when he was alive. Every single one of them was my favorite. It was probably the happiest time of the year for all of us. Even better than Christmas." She took a deep, shaky breath. "When he died, that stopped. My mother closed off. She completely shut down. The holiday became one of the worst days of the year. I'd be surprised to see her for more than a few minutes the whole day. This year, I just..." She squeezed her eyes shut, frustrated with herself. "This year I just wanted it to be better. I need it to be better. I need to prove to her that I'm strong enough to carry on, even when she's not. She's tried, but I know she'd rather be at work, ignoring this day all together. I can't do that. This was _his_ day. And I'm not going to let that memory fade away because I'm too weak to carry it. I need to prove to her that I'm strong enough to do that. Without her help."

They stood in silence, Clarke's words sinking in. She had never vocalized that before, and saying it all out loud was more freeing than she expected it to be. Her shoulders relaxed at the release of the weight she didn't realize she was actually carrying.

"Accepting help doesn't make you weak," Lexa finally said, breaking the silence. She took in a deep breath and stepped away from Clarke, turning around to look at her. Clarke lifted her head, searching her girlfriend's eyes for what she meant. "Clarke," she stepped closer and held Clarke's face between her hands, "there are so many people here who love you. So many people who want to help. And accepting that help doesn't make you any less strong. You are so, so strong. The strongest person I know. You amaze me, to be honest. But you don't have to carry this burden on your own. If no one else, let _me_ help you. Please. Let me be here for you." She looked between Clarke's eyes, and Clarke became lost in the depths of emotion and promise.

"I'm sorry," Clarke gasped out. She grabbed at Lexa's arms, her entire countenance crumbling. The tears welled up quicker than she could control, and then she was crying. "I'm so sorry."

The next thing she knew, she was in Lexa's arms, her girlfriend holding her tightly. Clarke clung to her, her fingers digging into Lexa's back. "Shh," Lexa hushed soothingly. "It's okay. I've got you." She continued whispering to her comfortingly, rocking back and forth lightly until Clarke's breathing settled out again, her tears subsiding. And even then, Lexa held her. Clarke relished in the hold, grasping to Lexa just as tightly.

After what could have been hours, Clarke spoke, her voice raspier than usual. "I am sorry. I promise to try to stop bottling things up."

Lexa rubbed her back in soothing circles, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. "Thank you," she whispered against Clarke's hair. "I'm here for you, Clarke. Through the good and the bad."

Clarke nodded, the side of her face rubbing against Lexa's shoulder. She placed a kiss against Lexa's neck, an unspoken promise contained in the single press of lips to skin.

* * *

 

Dinner was tense. And that was putting it nicely.

Lexa had heard of awkward Thanksgiving meals among some families, but she couldn't help but think that this went above and beyond that.

No one spoke other than polite comments about the food. The sounds of utensils against plates scraped through the air, amplifying the awkward silence. Clarke, sitting next to Lexa, looked down at her plate dejectedly. Raven, across from Clarke, glared at her own plate, refusing to look up at anyone around her. Octavia, much like Lexa, hesitantly looked at each guest.

Anya sat to Lexa's other side, stiff as a board. The others that had joined them - Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, and Murphy - all sat awkwardly, not knowing what all had transpired earlier. Abby sat at the head of the table, head held high as she seemingly ignored the tension around her.

When Clarke's hand rested on Lexa's thigh, squeezing slightly, Lexa looked at her girlfriend. Clarke was looking at her, a hesitant smile on her lips. She sighed sadly, almost defeatedly, before she let her hand fall from Lexa's thigh and stood from the table. Everyone looked up at her when her chair scraped back across the floor.

"This Thanksgiving," Clarke began, looking anywhere but at the faces around her, "is different than the past few. I don't know if any of you noticed, but I've been a bit tense lately." Soft, hesitant and wary chuckles rumbled from their friends. Lexa pressed her leg into Clarke's reassuringly, silently cheering her on. "I planned this dinner with you all here to prove something to both myself and my mother." She looked over to her mother quickly before glancing over her friends. "And that was the wrong way to approach today. Most of you were with me during high school. You remember everything that happened then. It was a rough few years."

Raven rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest. Octavia elbowed her with a glare, pointedly looking back at Clarke.

Clarke breathed in deeply, as if preparing herself for some great confession. "I wanted this year to be different than all those years. I wanted to prove that it could be good again, even without my father here. And I tried so hard to make it good for everyone. But I wanted to do it myself, and that's where I went wrong. I wanted to prove that _I_ could make this Thanksgiving good; that _I_ could carry on my father's legacy by myself. But, what always made Thanksgiving so great before was coming together. It was being able to spend the day with both Mom and Dad, no work or school to worry about. I didn't have to ever wonder whether I'd be with them on Thanksgiving. Dad always made sure we were together, having fun. He made the day a day to actually be thankful for.

"I messed that up this year. I didn't want to do things _with_ someone. I wanted to do it myself, without help. Of course, I should have known better than to expect a bunch of overeager, hot-headed people to let me actually do that." She laughed softly, and the others joined her, before her eyes fell on Raven. "Specifically one overeager, hot-headed person that took it into her own hands to help me." Raven glanced up at Clarke, her anger abating slightly. Clarke smiled softly at her and then looked to all her other friends. "She got you all together to help make today special. She tried to take some of the stress off of my shoulders, and the way I decided to repay her was by having a panic attack and then getting mad at her for trying to help me. And I'm sorry." She looked earnestly at Raven again, her eyes pleading. Raven nodded slightly, all signs of her anger having slipped from her features.

Clarke smiled in relief and reached for her glass of wine. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you all taught me that it's okay to ask for help when I need it. And I am so incredibly thankful for each and every one of you. Not only for helping me prepare for today, but for supporting me through everything else as well. You guys are my family, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend today than with you all by my side."

With that, Clarke raised her glass in a toast. "I love you guys."

Those gathered at the table raised their glasses and they all drank. When they had all lowered their glasses, Clarke sat back down, avoiding looking at her mother. Abby watched silently as Lexa leaned over to press a kiss to Clarke's cheek.

"If today is a day of sentimental drabble," Raven said, standing from her seat with her glass in hand. "Then I'd also like to make a toast. To Clarke, the strongest person I know. Without you, none of us would be here today. And I do mean that quite literally."

Again, the others raised their glasses to toast, taking a sip of their drinks. Lexa placed her hand on Clarke's thigh, smiling to herself when Clarke placed her own hand on top of hers and let them rest there.

The rest of the dinner went on much smoother, conversation flowing between everyone gathered. There was still some tension, Clarke's gaze darting to her mother every few minutes, but Lexa felt much more relaxed than she had before, and was sure that everyone else felt the same. Even when the meal had finished, they all sat there talking among themselves. Octavia brought out the pies that the group had made, letting everyone serve themselves at their own pace without disturbing the conversations.

"You were right," Clarke whispered in Lexa's ear when Lexa finished her conversation with Anya. Lexa looked to Clarke, confused by what she meant. "About it not being a weakness to accept help from people. I'm sorry about before."

Lexa shook her head with a soft smile. "Stop apologizing."

"But I am sorry," Clarke said adamantly.

Lexa rolled her eyes fondly and pushed her own pie in front of Clarke, who had yet to get a piece herself. "Just eat some pie, Clarke."

Clarke breathed out a laugh and picked up her fork, but brought the piece she broke off to Lexa's lips. "We can share it," she explained when Lexa quirked a brow at her. Lexa chuckled and opened her mouth, accepting the offer willingly. And she knew that, had this been just a year ago, she would have rolled her eyes at how sickeningly cliché the action was.

After dinner had broken up, their friends began to trickle out of the apartment until it was just Clarke, Lexa, Raven, Octavia, and Abby left standing in the hallway to the apartment door.

"We're just going to..." Raven pointed over her shoulder, grabbing Octavia's hand and leading her back to her bedroom. "Goodnight, Abby. It was nice seeing you," she said over her shoulder as they retreated. Octavia waved her agreement just before she was dragged into Raven's room and the door was shut behind her.

"Should I...?" Lexa asked, pointing back to Clarke's room. To her surprise, both Abby and Clarke shook their heads.

"Please stay," Clarke said, taking Lexa's hand in her own.

"Yes, I'd like to talk to you, if that's alright," Abby added. Lexa just nodded, waiting for the woman to continue. Abby took a deep breath, searching for words. "I'm not usually one to apologize. But I was wrong earlier, about you not taking care of Clarke. And I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Doctor.--"

"No," Abby said, holding up her hand to stop Lexa before she could continue. "It wasn't okay. And it's clear to me now that you care very deeply for my daughter. Raven explained to me what you did to help her during her attack. I should have been thanking you, but instead I was blaming you. And for that, I'm sorry."

Lexa nodded in understanding. "Thank you, ma'am."

"I'd like to get to know you better, Lexa. It seems like you may be a permanent addition to the family, and I like to know my family pretty well. Maybe we could do lunch soon."

"I would like that, ma'am."

Abby smiled at her and turned to Clarke. "Clarke."

"Mom," Clarke replied with a hesitant smile. They stared at each other for a moment before Abby opened her arms, and Clarke fell into the hug eagerly.

"Your father would be so proud of you," Abby whispered to Clarke. Lexa smiled when she heard it, knowing that was just what Clarke needed to hear Abby say.

"Thank you," Clarke breathed out, her entire body seeming to relax with the exhale. They held on to each other tightly for a few more moments before breaking apart.

Abby held Clarke at arms' length, looking her over. "I expect you to call me if you need anything, young lady." Clarke nodded with a laugh. "And you," Abby said, looking to Lexa, "I expect you to call if she's being too stubborn to. I want to be kept more updated about what's going on than I have been."

Lexa nodded, smiling at her girlfriend's mother. "Of course, Dr. Griffin."

"Abby," Abby said, her own smile forming and making her seem much more welcoming than before. "You can call me Abby. Everyone else in this crazy extended family does." She rolled her eyes at that, but they all knew that she loved her 'extended family'.

With one more hug to both Clarke and Lexa, Abby left, promising to call and schedule that lunch in the near future.

Clarke turned to Lexa when the front door closed, holding both of her hands in her own. "I don't think I've told you today how much I love you," Clarke said, smiling fondly at Lexa.

Lexa hummed, looking up as if in thought. "No, I don't think you have."

"Maybe we should go remedy that. I have been told that I'm better at showing than telling." Clarke's smile morphed into a tempting smirk as she tugged on Lexa's hands, leading her down the hall to Clarke's bedroom.

And who was Lexa to deny her girlfriend that request?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a fun Thanksgiving, right? Everything's resolved (more or less), and Lexa finally told Clarke that she needed to communicate better. So there's that. Maybe it'll actually work out and Clarke will stop holding everything in. But who knows? (I do. I totally know.)
> 
> If you haven't done so yet, or noticed yet (because I don't remember if I ever announced, but I know I had planned to), you should go check out Chapter 1 to see the awesome cover art drawn for this fic by my favorite person. She's been with me since I first started writing this, and she decided to draw it and it's AMAZING. So go check it out and leave some comments showing her some love for the awesome art. I'll make sure she sees them.
> 
> As always, I really love your comments and kudos. They keep me going. So if you'd leave those below, that'd be great. AND, you can find me on tumblr if you want. Because I'm totally one of those cool authors that will chat with you about stuff if you want. (You should absolutely take advantage of this now before I become a world famous author. Which will totally happen some day. Just you wait.)
> 
> Next update should be up next Friday.


	44. I Got Shit to Do, I Know You Do Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Results and Christmas shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter for y'all this week. Enjoy!

"You do know that pacing does not actually make the time go by faster, right?" Lexa asked from where she was seated on the couch, watching Clarke wear a hole in the floor in front of her.

Clarke shot Lexa a glare, refreshing her email on her phone again before flipping back to the webpage she had pulled up and refreshing that as well. "It helps."

"Know what else helps?" Lexa quickly launched herself off of the couch to pull Clarke to her. She flopped back down on the couch, Clarke now wriggling in her lap.

"Let me go, Lexa," Clarke whined. "I'm too anxious to sit still right now."

Lexa just tightened her hold, resting her chin on Clarke's shoulder. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep pacing. Just sit with me a minute." She plucked Clarke's phone out of her death grip, locking the screen and putting it behind her back, between herself and the couch.

"Lexa, give that back!" Clarke shouted, trying to turn around in Lexa's hold to reach behind her back. Lexa, however, made this very difficult to do, holding tightly to Clarke and not letting her wriggle around too much. "I have to check it."

"It'll ding when a new email comes in," Lexa said calmly. Clarke continued to wiggle around in her hold, to which Lexa rolled her eyes. "Don't make me bite you. Sit still."

"I'll sit still once you give me my phone back."

"Liar."

"You don't know that."

"Because you weren't _just_ pacing nonstop in front of me." Lexa quirked an eyebrow at Clarke when she turned her head to look at her with a glare. "Exactly. Now sit still an enjoy my loving attention."

"If you really wanted to be loving, you'd give me my phone back."

"And let you kill the battery so that you won't get the email when it actually does come in?"

"I have a charger."

"Clarke. There's still an hour before they said the message would be sent out."

"They said it'd be sent out by one _at the latest_. It could be sitting in my inbox right now, but I wouldn't know because you're _keeping my phone from me_."

"I have neither felt nor heard any notification of a new message."

Clarke groaned angrily, resting her elbows on her knees and leaning forward to burry her head in her hands. "I just want to know my results," she mumbled into her hands.

Lexa leaned forward and trailed kisses up Clarke's spine. "I know, baby. But obsessing over checking your phone isn't going to let you know any sooner." She pulled on Clarke slightly, and Clarke leaned back with her, resting fully into Lexa. Lexa placed a kiss on Clarke's neck, trying to hide her triumphant grin. "There, isn't that better?"

"It'd be better if I had my results."

Lexa chuckled. "They'll be in soon, love. How about a distraction while we wait?"

"What kind of distraction?" Clarke asked warily.

"I can think of a few things..." Lexa mumbled into Clarke's neck, leaving a trail of kisses from her collarbone to her jaw, which she nipped gently.

Clarke tilted her head slightly, giving Lexa more access. She reached up and tangled her fingers in Lexa's hair, scratching gently at her scalp. "I think that may take longer than it will take for that message to come in."

"Exactly. So by the time I'm finished with you..." Lexa nipped at her skin again, smirking when Clarke gasped in response, "your results will be waiting for you."

"But I want to know as soon as they're up," Clarke whined, her resolve weakening.

"You'll know soon enough. Now, are you going to let me be a distraction or not?" Lexa pulled Clarke's earlobe between her teeth gently before letting it go again.

Clarke sighed and melted against Lexa, her free hand tracing lines up and down Lexa's side behind her.

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a," Clarke's hand suddenly pushed behind Lexa, grabbing at her phone and successfully pulling it back out, "win for me!" she cheered, jumping out of Lexa's slackened hold to get out of her reach. She quickly unlocked her phone to refresh her email and the website again.

" _Clarke_ ," Lexa whined, head falling back dramatically.

" _Lexa_ ," Clarke responded mockingly. "Just let me check to make sure nothing was sent out. I promise that after I get my results, I'll let you distract me all you want."

"What's the point of a distraction after the fact?"

Clarke shrugged, focused on her phone. "Maybe I'll need it then."

"You need it now."

"No, I need to be able to check for my results."

Lexa sighed, looking at Clarke dejectedly. "At least come sit down." Clarke looked over at her skeptically and Lexa rolled her eyes. "I won't take it away again. Just come sit down and we'll put on a movie while we wait."

"Really?" Clarke asked, still not quite believing that Lexa would let her keep her phone.

Lexa crossed her finger over her heart. "Promise. Just come sit down. I'm getting anxious just watching you."

Moving closer slowly, Clarke finally took a seat beside Lexa, holding her phone to her left to keep it away from Lexa's hands. Lexa rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to take it, Clarke. Relax." Lexa reached for her remote on the coffee table. "What do you want to watch?"

When they finally decided on something to watch (Clarke not being helpful at all as she continued to refresh her phone in hopes of a new message), Lexa leaned back on the couch and got comfortable. She looked over at Clarke to find her clinging to her phone, raptly staring at the screen.

"Clarke," she called. When Clarke hummed, not looking away from her phone, Lexa rolled her eyes. "The point of the movie was to get you to put the phone down for a bit. You won't be distracted enough to not notice when the notification comes in. So relax."

"That's easy for you to say," Clarke grumbled under her breath. She pulled her legs up onto the couch to sit cross-legged, hunched over her phone.

Lexa reached over and tugged at Clarke's shoulder, effectively rolling her back so she was leaning into Lexa's side. Clarke kept her phone in front of her, though she did turn to stretch her legs out on the couch when Lexa's arm wrapped around her.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's head with a sigh. "Please put the phone down," she requested gently, her lips still pressed to Clarke's hair.

Clarke turned her head to look up at Lexa, finding her looking down at her pleadingly. Clarke's hard demeanor melted on the spot, and she dropped her phone into her lap, leaning up to kiss Lexa's pouty lips. "I'm sorry." She settled more comfortable against Lexa, twining her fingers with Lexa's that were hanging over her shoulder. "Let's watch the movie."

With a content smile, Lexa pressed one more kiss to Clarke's head and turned to do as Clarke said.

The peace that fell over them was disrupted less than halfway through the movie. When Clarke's phone dinged with a notification, any sign of relaxation was gone (and Lexa almost got a black eye with how quickly Clarke launched herself up).

"Babe," Lexa called as Clarke struggled with her phone, her hands shaking uncontrollably. Clarke growled at her phone, her grip tightening as she grew more frustrated. "Babe," Lexa called again, putting her hand over Clarke's. Clarke looked up at her, her eyes wide with panic. "Let me, okay?"

Clarke nodded and let Lexa take the phone. Lexa quickly unlocked it and pulled up the email, clicking on the link it provided to get to Clarke's exam results. "Well?" Clarke asked eagerly when Lexa remained silent, without any hint of how well Clarke did.

Lexa looked up and met Clarke's scared gaze, a proud smile slowly overtaking her. "You passed. Clarke, you passed."

Staring at her dumbfounded, Clarke didn't seem to actually understand what Lexa was saying. Lexa slowly handed over the phone into Clarke's shaky hold, waiting as Clarke looked down at the screen in awe. "I passed..." Clarke whispered out, scrolling through the description of her results, her score broken down by section. "I passed," she said more confidently, a smile forming on her own face and her hands growing steadier. Finally, she looked up at Lexa, her smile dazzling (shining brighter than the sun, Lexa would say). "I passed!" she finally shouted, launching herself into Lexa's arms excitedly, the both of them falling back so that Clarke was laying on top of Lexa. She continued to repeat the phrase over and over, hardly able to believe it.

"I told you that you'd pass. I knew you could do it," Lexa said as she held Clarke tightly to her.

Clarke rested her chin on Lexa's chest, meeting her proud gaze. "You did, didn't you?" Lexa nodded happily.

"I don't know why you ever doubted me." She smirked at her when Clarke rolled her eyes, her smile never faltering in the slightest.

"I should know better by now, shouldn't I?"

"Yes you should."

Clarke leaned up and pressed an eager kiss to Lexa's lips, their inability to stop smiling making it just a press of lips to lips before they broke apart again. "I passed, Lex. I really passed. I get to go to med school."

Lexa squeezed her arms around Clarke. "Yeah you do, Clarke."

"I'm going to be a doctor."

Lexa nodded, letting Clarke soak in her accomplishment.

Clarke pressed her face into Lexa's chest, hiding her face from view. "I can't believe it," she said, voice muffled by Lexa's shirt. "I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to help people. To save people."

Lexa felt wetness seep through her shirt and gently started rubbing up and down Clarke's back. Clarke's shoulders started shaking as she let the dam break, tears falling freely.

"Oh my god. I'm going to be a doctor," Clarke gasped out again. She gripped at Lexa's shirt tightly, letting all of her stress and worry seep out of her at finally knowing for sure that she could become a doctor.

Lexa jumped slightly when Clarke suddenly sat up to straddle her instead. She cupped Lexa's cheeks in her hands and bent down to press her forehead to Lexa's, eyes shut. Reaching up to wipe away the stray tears, Lexa nudged Clarke's nose with her own in silent question. Clarke pressed a kiss to her lips in response, breathing shakily when they separated.

"Thank you," Clarke whispered out, her breath ghosting over Lexa's lips. Lexa let her hands fall to Clarke's hips, holding her to her.

"For what?" she asked, just as quietly.

With a chuckle, Clarke shook her head disbelievingly. "Thank you," she repeated, "for believing in me. For never once doubting that I could do it."

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hips reassuringly. "You're brilliant, Clarke. There was no way you wouldn't pass."

Clarke shook her head again, pulling back slightly to see Lexa clearly. She brushed some of Lexa's hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "There was a huge possibility that I would have bombed that. I could have failed spectacularly." Lexa shook her head adamantly, her face scrunching up at even the thought of Clarke thinking so little of her intelligence. "But," Clarke began again, stilling Lexa's shaking head by grabbing her chin gently, "you believed in me. Every moment, you believed in me. You helped me study and prepare, encouraging me every step of the way." She sat back, a look of awe taking over her features. "You're amazing, Lexa. Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without you."

Lexa sat up so she was pressed to Clarke again. Looking up at her girlfriend, Lexa shook her head again. "You could have definitely done it without me. You're incredibly smart, Clarke. You'd have done fine without me."

Clarke rolled her eyes fondly, tangling her hands in Lexa's hair and scratching at the nape of her neck. "I may have done fine, but I may have also died from the stress." She chuckled slightly at that, leaning in to press a kiss to Lexa's forehead. "You were a godsend, really." She scattered kisses over Lexa's face, their laughter filling the room.

Leaning further into Lexa, Clarke pushed her back onto the couch, hovering over her with an almost predatory grin. Lexa gripped at Clarke's hips, her body warming at the look her girlfriend was giving her.

"And now," Clarke said sultrily. She leaned down and peppered kisses on Lexa's neck, stopping at the spots she knew were Lexa's weakness to give them a little more attention. "I think you said something about a distraction?" Her lips skimmed along Lexa's skin, alighting a fire in her.

"Bedroom?" Lexa asked breathlessly. She felt Clarke smirk against her neck.

"Mhm," Clarke hummed with a nod. She leaned up to whisper in Lexa's ear. "Let's see just how good of a distraction you can be."

Lexa stood up abruptly, bringing Clarke with her and earning an adorable surprised squeal from her girlfriend. Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa's waist and reattached her lips to Lexa's neck, urging her on.

If it was a distraction that Clarke wanted, a distraction Lexa would be.

(Though, as the smiles on both of their faces proved, it was definitely a celebration, and the only thing Clarke was distracted from was the incessant ringing of her phone, her curious friends wanting to know her results.)

* * *

 

"I am insulted," Raven grouched from where she was pouting at the entrance to Clarke's room.

"You are ridiculous."

"I am perfectly reasonable and have every right to be insulted."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I told you already, I got distracted."

"Lexa's tongue is not a good excuse for you to not at least text me to let me know."

"Lexa's tongue is the perfect excuse. And her fingers. Oh god, her fingers. Seriously Rae, when she--"

"AHHH!!!" Raven yelled, covering her ears abruptly. "I do _not_ want to know! Keep it to yourself." She quickly turned and ran out of the room. "Octavia, I have been scarred for life!" she yelled down the hall to where her fiancé was sitting in the living room.

Clarke smirked, quite pleased with herself, and went back to folding her clothes.

After Lexa so kindly distracted her (and celebrated her - god the way she celebrated her), Clarke gathered up what was left of her body function to go find her phone that she had left out in the living room of Lexa's apartment. She quickly shot off a group text to her friends and mom, not wanting to take the time to text each person individually, choosing instead of get back to the warmth and comfort of her girlfriend's bed.

Could she really be blamed for not answering every single one of her friend's texts and calls individually when she had Lexa waiting, deliciously lacking any clothing?

She thought not.

* * *

 

With the stress of receiving her MCAT scores out of the way, Clarke found time passing even quicker than before. And, with that time passing, Christmas came upon her faster than she expected.

"Rae, I have no idea what to get her."

Raven rolled her eyes. "How am I supposed to help you with that?"

"You could start by throwing some ideas out there. Maybe be a little helpful for once."

"Ouch, princess. Such sharp words for so needy a soul."

Clarke crossed her arms and tapped her foot expectantly, staring down at Raven from where she was standing in front of her. She clenched her jaw when Raven didn't so much as look away from her (clearly fake) examination of her nails.

"Raven," she finally ground out.

Raven looked up at her innocently, draping her arms across the back of the couch. "Are we ready to ask nicely now?"

Clarke's eye twitched in irritation. "Would you please come with me to the mall to find something for Lexa?"

Hopping up off the couch, Raven patted Clarke's cheek teasingly. "That wasn't so hard was it?" She walked out of the room, going to get her coat from her bedroom. "And we can start at the mall, though I doubt you'll find anything there. You know better than anyone that a simple mall trip won't do for your girl."

"What do you suggest then?" Clarke asked when Raven re-entered the living room, ready to go. Clarke quickly grabbed her own coat off of the couch, throwing it on to follow Raven out of the apartment.

"Think creatively, Clarke. This is your first Christmas together. It has to be special."

"That's what I'm worried about," she admitted, chewing on her lip nervously. "What if I can't find the perfect gift? What if she hates whatever I get her? She's probably already found the perfect gift for me, and here I am, a horrible girlfriend, going out a week before Christmas to try to find her something."

"Clarke, you need to breathe. We'll find something for her."

* * *

 

"I don't know why you're freaking out over this. You know her better than anyone else," Anya said, flipping through a magazine on the couch as Lexa paced in front of her, chewing on her nails.

"That's exactly the point. I know her better than anyone. I should be able to get her the perfect gift. And if I fall short of that..."

Anya rolled her eyes. "You won't fall short of that. You'll think of something."

"Anya, I have a week left. Not even. I need to go out and find her something."

Throwing her magazine onto the couch, Anya stood up to stand in front of her sister, bringing her to a halt. She placed her hands on Lexa's shoulders and shook her briefly. "Calm down. Go get your coat. We'll go find something."

"You're going to help me?" Lexa asked hopefully.

Another eye roll. "Of course I'm going to help you, my hopeless sister."

Lexa pulled Anya into a brief, stiff hug. "Thank you so much." She pulled away, running to her room to get her coat and wallet. "Alright, I'm ready to go. Where are we headed?"

"That depends what you think you should get her."

They walked out of the apartment, making their way to Anya's car. "And back to the problem. I have no idea what to get her."

"Well, let's start with things she likes."

* * *

 

"This is absolutely hopeless," Clarke said, thumping her head down on the glass countertop in the jewelry store. "Lexa doesn't even wear jewelry. Why are we in here?"

Raven shrugged. "You said you wanted to try the mall. This was in the mall. And what says 'I love you and want to spend every Christmas with you' more than jewelry?"

"Maybe for someone who actually wears jewelry regularly," Clarke grumbled.

Noticing the annoyed glare of one of the workers, Raven stuck her tongue out at him and nudged Clarke. "Alright. Let's try somewhere else."

* * *

 

"Why are we in an outdoors store?" Lexa whined, following Anya through the isles. "Clarke won't like any of this stuff."

"I needed a new hiking bag," Anya admitted, stopping when she got to the isle with all of the hiking gear. "And we were near here. Thus, we stopped to get me one. Suck it up."

"I thought we were going out to find _Clarke_ a Christmas gift."

"Well, now you got me one," Anya said, thrusting her bag of choice to Lexa roughly. "You're welcome."

"I already got you a present, Anya."

"Now you got me two. You're such a generous sister," Anya deadpanned, turning to walk back up front to the check out.

"You're ridiculous," Lexa called after her as she followed.

"And you owe me for taking you out to shop for _your_ girlfriend."

They stopped to wait in line, Anya growing more and more frustrated the longer it took to get to the front.

"If we don't find anything for her, then you coming out with me would have been pointless and unfruitful. So I wouldn't owe you anything at all."

"Are you doubting that we'll find something? What happened to being optimistic?"

"Anya," Lexa said bluntly, "You are the least optimistic person that I've ever met."

"Which is why," Anya moved around to grab Lexa's shoulders from behind her, moving her to the cashier that was _finally_ ready for them, "we make a good team. You're supposed to be overly optimistic, and I'm supposed to be the downer. We even each other out."

Lexa handed over her credit card when the cashier was ready for it. "I've never been optimistic."

"Then this is the perfect time of year for you to start."

"I hate you," Lexa grumbled, following Anya out of the store and to her car.

"You love me."

* * *

 

"I hate this."

"You used to love shopping."

"Yeah, when I actually knew what I was looking for," Clarke whined. "I'm never going to find something for her."

Raven hummed, looking her friend over as she slumped into the wall at the exit of the mall. They had wandered aimlessly throughout the stores, looking for anything that caught Clarke's eye. And, while Raven had found quite a few things that _she_ could buy for herself, Clarke had ended up empty handed.

"I think it's time we call in the calvary."

Clarke thumped her head back against the wall, looking up hopelessly at the ceiling. "And just who is that?"

"The queen of shopping herself." Raven wiggled her eyebrows making Clarke chuckle, and pulled out her phone. She had a call to make.

* * *

 

"You can't honestly tell me that you have no inkling of an idea. She had to have given you some kind of hint as to what she wants." Anya pulled a hand down her face in frustration when Lexa only shook her head. They were sitting on a bench in the mall, having wandered through a few of the stores that Lexa thought she _may_ have been able to find something for Clarke in. Clearly, she did not find anything, and was thus still empty handed and without any idea as to what to get her girlfriend for Christmas.

"I told you already. She hasn't mentioned anything in particular. I would have remembered."

Anya crossed her arms, glaring at people as they walked by. "Alright, new tactic." She stood from her seat, grabbing Lexa's arm and pulling her up as well.

"Anya, I really don't think we'll find anything in the mall."

"Shut up and give me a second." Without any further warning, Anya climbed up on the bench and cupped her hands around her mouth. "Does anyone here know Clarke Griffin?" she yelled out.

Lexa pulled at her sister frantically, trying to get her to shut up and get down. " _Get down_ ," she hissed at her.

Anya swatted her away, not moving an inch from her perch. "Anyone at all?" she called again. "Friends of Clarke Griffin, please come forward!"

"Think about this logically. What are the odds that any of her friends are even _here_?" Lexa yanked on Anya's arm again, trying to get her down.

"We know Clarke!"

Anya smiled triumphantly down at Lexa.

"You have got to be kidding me," Lexa groaned, rubbing at her forehead.

* * *

 

"Okay, so you have no idea at all what to get your girlfriend. Why did you go to Raven for help?" Octavia asked, popping a french fry into her mouth. They had picked her up from her and Bellamy's apartment and decided to grab lunch before heading back out into the war zone.

Clarke shrugged. "She was present."

Raven looked at them both, clearly offended. "I am a great shopping partner. I can't even believe either of you would suggest that I'm anything but."

"Right, babe," Octavia soothed, patting Raven's knee under the table. "I'm sure you were a great help earlier. Which is why you called me."

"I have gotten you fantastic gifts every year since we started dating," Raven argued.

"Yes you have," Octavia agreed, grabbing Raven's chin to turn her and place a kiss on her lips. "But that's because you know me well. You don't know Lexa as well."

"Neither do you."

"But I know her personality type. Which means that she'd probably prefer doing something rather than getting something."

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked, face scrunched in confusion.

"I mean that she'd like doing something with you rather than you buying her something tangible. Has she mentioned wanting to go anywhere or see anything?"

Clarke sat back in her seat, trying to think it over. "She did mention something about the country's oldest, perpetually open bookstore once. But going there isn't exactly gift-worthy. It's just a day trip."

"Maybe, but it's a start."

* * *

 

"She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Murphy asked with a scoff. "How hard could it be to find something for her for Christmas?"

"She wants it to actually be meaningful, Murphy," Monty cut in. "Because unlike some of us, she has a heart."

Murphy shrugged and leaned his chair back, balancing on the hind-legs. "And I've already got a present for my girlfriend. So who's really winning, here?"

"Shut it, Murphy." Bellamy glared at him and kicked his chair, making it wobble precariously before Murphy balanced it again with a glare of his own. "How can we help?" he asked Anya, basically ignoring Lexa's presence all-together.

"You can't--" Lexa began, but Anya waved her off again.

She leaned forward across the table, toward the gathered boys. "This idiot has no idea what to do. So, ideas. Present them with viable reasons. Go."

"Maybe a book?" Monty tried after a moment of silence.

"Clarke's got plenty to read, and isn't going to have a lot of time to do so leisurely when she starts up med school," Bellamy reasoned. "Some movies?"

"Too unoriginal," Anya vetoed. "Next."

"A vibrator."

"Murphy!"

Murphy grinned and crossed his arms. "For when her lover isn't available."

"No," Lexa shot down. "No sex toys."

"Take all the fun out of it," Murphy grumbled.

"Next," Anya directed.

"Concert tickets?" Jasper threw out.

"Now we're getting somewhere. But no. Next idea?" Anya was very clearly taking over the conversation, not letting Lexa really cut in at all.

The boys all fell silent, thinking over what Clarke could possibly want. "A big sweater. She loves walking around the apartment in those."

"Maybe in addition to something bigger. Good idea though. Lexa, are you taking notes?" Anya turned to her expectantly.

"I think I can remember a sweater," Lexa said scathingly. She was getting a headache, and wanted to be anywhere but admitting to Clarke's friends that she didn't have any idea of what to get her own girlfriend for Christmas.

"Some new paint?" Monty finally offered after a prolonged silence.

"Some paint isn't enough," Anya said, brushing off the idea.

Lexa sat up abruptly, putting her hand on Anya's shoulder to stop her from continuing. She smiled brightly, her eyes distant as she thought it over. "No, it's not enough. But it's a start." Anya looked at her curiously while Lexa grinned at her. "You know that spare room in the apartment?"

* * *

 

"Now _this_ is a Christmas present." Octavia looked over the plans spread out on the table in front of her proudly.

Clarke gushed over the papers, picking them up sporadically, just to choose a different one to look at before moving on to the next. "This is genius. You're a miracle worker, O."

Octavia flipped her hair over her shoulder dramatically. "Oh, I know. I'm fantastic."

"Incredibly humble, too," Raven teased from where she was sitting beside Octavia. They had migrated back to their apartment to congregate around the dining room table.

"You know it, babe." She shot a wink at Raven with a confident smirk.

"Seriously you guys," Clarke continued, still looking over the papers in front of her. "This is amazing. She's going to love this. I can't believe I didn't think of something like this before."

"You just needed a bit of a guiding hand. It was really all you," Octavia conceded. "Really, she's going to be blown away by all this. I'm kind of jealous."

"Are you assuming you won't be blown away by your gift?" Raven asked.

"I'm saying that I doubt you planned something this extravagant, especially with the wedding coming up soon."

Raven shrugged, nodding in agreement. "True. But you'll still be blown away by it."

"I'm sure I will be, babe." She pressed a kiss to Raven's head, making Raven smile widely. "Anyway, I think my work here is done. And _we_ ," she pulled Raven to her feet, "have a date to get to. You okay to finish this up?"

Clarke nodded distractedly, pulling her laptop closer to check on something. "Thanks again, guys. Enjoy your date."

"You're welcome, Griff. I'm sure she'll love it."

Clarke looked up to them with a huge smile. "Yeah, I think she will."

* * *

 

"Don't you think this is a bit extravagant for your first Christmas together? How are you ever going to top this?" Anya asked, standing at the door to what used to be their spare bedroom.

Lexa shrugged from where she was standing in the middle of the room, holding up paint splotches. "I'll figure something out."

"She's going to freak out when she sees this."

"Hopefully in a good way."

Anya sighed and leaned against the door frame. "I guess that means I should start looking at apartments."

"What?" Lexa asked distractedly, comparing the different colors of paint.

"There's no way you're going to leave this behind to move somewhere else."

Lexa looked over at her, putting the splotches down on the table in front of her. "Everything that's going in here is transportable. There's no reason for you to leave this apartment. We were already planning on finding somewhere else."

"But why go through all of that when you've put so much effort into this for her?" Anya shrugged nonchalantly. "Besides, what am I going to do with a three bedroom apartment?"

With a hum, Lexa stepped closer to Anya. She placed her hand on Anya's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to give up your apartment, An."

"Ah, but I do." She met Lexa's gaze, her own softening more than Lexa ever remembered happening before. "Consider it a Christmas present. For you and your girl. I think it's time I've moved on, anyway."

Lexa pulled her sister into a hug, Anya wrapping her arms around Lexa as well. "Thank you, Anya." She pulled back and held Anya at arms' length. "You'll always have a place to stay here if you need it. We'll have a spare room for you."

Anya swatted Lexa's hands off of her, clearly trying to pull her disaffected facade back on. "Whatever, nerd. Just don't totally demolish this place. Take good care of it."

Laughing, Lexa shoved her sister, pushing her out into the hall. "Whatever you say, Anya. Let's go get some dinner." She pulled the door shut behind her, realizing that all the pieces were falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did they get each other??? Idk, but I bet they're good gifts. Like, enough to make us all jealous, I'm sure. But that's just a guess. Because no one knows what they got each other. 
> 
> Next chapter next week!! It'll be a good time for sure. Idk yet if it'll be as long as this one. We'll see then. 
> 
> As always, comments/requests/Kudos are my favorite things ever. And, if you haven't, be sure to check out the awesome cover art that my friend drew for this story in the first chapter. It's pretty flipping awesome. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to. 
> 
> Have a good week everyone!!


	45. And We are Homeward Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas time in Clexaland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to find out the gifts? And to see how much of a softie Anya really is? Buckle your seat belts, kids.

"Ahem."

Lexa looked up from her work computer at the sound of someone clearing her throat. And she froze. _It's too early for this bullshit_ , she thought.

"Lexa," Costia said, her hands behind her back. She rocked on her heels, acting nervous. Lexa remembered when she used to do the same thing while they were dating, acting innocent and nervous when she did anything that would make Lexa upset.

Lexa stood from her desk so she wasn't looking up at her ex. "What do you want?"

The twitch at the corner of her lips told Lexa that she was fighting letting her smile drop. "Is that any way to talk to an old friend?"

"Yes. Now, what do you want?"

Costia rolled her eyes, her smile widening. "It's almost Christmas."

"I'm aware."

"I don't remember you being this short with me before. It's quite a change from the Lexa I remember."

"A lot has changed since then."

Costia shook her head, her teasing smile still in place, and walked closer to the desk. "And here I was, wanting to give you a gift."

"I don't want anything from you."

Costia pouted. "But I took so long picking it out." She pulled the gift from behind her back, placing it on the counter and pushing it toward Lexa. "At least open it. I'm sure you'll love it."

"My _girlfriend_ won't," Lexa deadpanned, pushing the gift back across the counter.

Costia waved her off. "It's just a gift from a friend. You can't honestly say that she would be upset about that."

"You are not a friend, Costia. And you're clearly not trying to be."

She looked affronted, pulling her hand to her chest. "I can't believe that you'd even suggest that I have ulterior motives for this gift. It's really just a friendly gesture. I'd be insulted if you didn't accept it."

Lexa looked at her blankly. "Why would I be worried about you being insulted?"

"Because you're a nice person."

"Not that nice."

"Lex, please."

Lexa ground her teeth in frustration. "Don't call me that," she bit out between her teeth. She only had so much patience when it came to her ex, and that was wearing very thin.

Costia skipped a step back, almost dancing, and clasped her hands together in front of her. _Again with the innocent act_.

"I won't accept it back. So you have to take it. Let me know what you think when you open it." She danced away, throwing another wink over her shoulder.

"I'm not opening it!" Lexa called after her angrily. When Costia was out the door, Lexa pulled the present down from the counter, tossing it to the far corner of her desk in frustration. "I can't believe..." she grumbled out under her breath, going back to working on the spreadsheet she had to finish.

But, of course, minutes later Clarke walked in. She kept looking over her shoulder, her expression timid and slightly confused. "Hey, babe...?" she greeted, asking a question at the same time.

"Yes, love?" Lexa asked, standing up from her desk when Clarke walked around it to wrap her arms around her girlfriend. She placed a kiss on Clarke's forehead and accepted the coffee Clarke handed to her.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa, her own cup resting against the small of Lexa's back. "Can I ask you something without sounding totally and completely insecure or untrusting?"

Lexa chuckled, knowing exactly where this was going, but nodding for her girlfriend to continue anyway. "Of course."

Clarke looked back at the entrance to the library, as if expecting the subject of her confusion to saunter back in at any second. "Why did Costia just wish me a merry Christmas sounding incredibly pleased with herself?"

Lexa's smile fell into a scowl. "She actually talked to you?"

With a hum as an answer, Clarke looked back up at Lexa. "She came up to me while I was waiting for the coffees."

"I can't believe--" Lexa began, pulling away from Clarke as if she'd go after her ex right then.

"Hey, no." Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa tighter, putting her coffee cup on the counter so she could use both hands to hold her to her. "No. You're not going after her."

"She shouldn't even have shown up here."

"What did she want?"

Lexa looked over her shoulder and nodded at the present she had thrown. "To give me that."

"She bought you a present?"

"Apparently." Lexa scowled at the wrapped gift, contemplating whether burning it would be a bit over the top.

Clarke gently turned Lexa to look back at her by the chin. "Are you going to open it?"

Lexa scoffed. "Why on earth would I open it?"

Chewing on her lip, Clarke eyed the gift over Lexa's shoulder. "To see what she got you, of course. Aren't you even a little curious?"

"I honestly don't care in the least what she got me. I'm actually thinking about burning it."

Clarke laughed softly, though Lexa knew she was anything but pleased with the situation. She met Lexa's eyes again, tilting her head to the side teasingly. "I think that may be a bit much. Why don't you just open it and then go from there."

"I could just throw it away."

"Yes, you could. But _I'm_ curious and want to know what your ex-girlfriend thought you could possible want from her. And I need to know if she got you something better than me." Clarke winked at Lexa, pulling out of her arms and walking over to grab the gift.

Lexa rolled her eyes with a fond smile. "I highly doubt anything she got me could outshine something from you."

Clarke shook the gift in her hands, listening for any movement inside. "Never know. I could have gotten you nothing more than a balloon. Maybe just an empty box." She examined the wrapped gift, trying to figure out what it could be. "It's not very heavy."

"No, it's not. But even just an empty box from you would be better than anything from her." Clarke eyed her with a brow raised, clearly not believing her. "Seriously," Lexa laughed. "Anything from her is unwanted on principle."

"Sure. But I'm still curious." Clarke handed the gift to Lexa expectantly.

Lexa pushed the gift back to Clarke. "You open it, then."

Clarke rolled her eyes with a chuckle and sat down on Lexa's desk. "You're being difficult."

"I just really don't care what it is." Lexa sat back down in her chair, looking up at Clarke. "Are you going to open it?"

"The real question is, are you ready to be highly disappointed in the fact that your old girlfriend clearly didn't know you at all? Because my gift is going to really blow whatever this is out of the water."

Lexa leaned her elbow on the arm of her chair and rested her head in her hand. "I'm absolutely confident that it will. Open it so I can throw it out." She nodded to the gift again.

Clarke did as she was told, revealing a nondescript black box. "That was anticlimactic," she joked.

"Ah. So she did get me an empty box!"

Clarke shook the box, whatever that was inside shifting around. "I think it's a bit more than that." She pulled the lid off to reveal something wrapped in silk. "Oh my god. She really wants to impress you, doesn't she?"

"She's impressing no one."

Clarke laughed. "Soft silk, though. May want to keep that." She winked at Lexa suggestively, unwrapping the silk from whatever was inside without looking at it. "Ah-hah!" She pulled out a leather bound book. "A book. She's so original." Clarke turned the book around to look at the front, and her smile fell slightly. "A bit more personal than that, I guess."

Lexa looked on curiously, waiting for Clarke to reveal whatever she was looking at. Clarke turned the book so the front was facing Lexa. And there, etched beautifully in gold filigree, was her name. "She was always one for the extravagant," Lexa admitted, eying the book. It was actually quite beautiful. "What's in it?"

Clarke put the book in her lap, flipping through the pages. "It's a journal. Only a couple of pages have anything written on them." She opened the book to the first page, handing it over to Lexa.

"You don't want to read it?"

With a shake of her head, Clarke let Lexa take the book. "That's not for me to read."

"I don't care if--"

"No, Lex. Really. You can read it first. If you want me to read it after, I will."

Lexa nodded, looking down at the book in her hand, Costia's curly handwriting staring back up at her. And she read.

When she finished, she fought off the scowl that wanted to form. "This is bullshit."

Clarke, hands curled around the edge of the desk beside her, looked at Lexa curiously.

"She must be mental," Lexa said, tossing the book on the desk before standing up from her seat abruptly. "What could she possibly think to gain..." She threw her hands up in the air with a frustrated huff.

"I'm taking it you didn't like whatever she wrote," Clarke teased, though her voice betrayed her nervousness.

Lexa looked to her and took a deep, calming breath. "She basically just tried to give me every reason she could think of as to why I should dump you and get back together with her."

Clarke's small smile fell a little. "Did she?"

"Yes."

"And..." Clarke looked down at the book, keeping her eyes locked on it instead of on Lexa. "Was she successful?" She chewed on her lips as if she wished she hadn't asked the question.

Lexa grabbed the book off the desk and threw it into the trashcan underneath. "No. Absolutely not. I can't believe that she even thought that would work."

Clarke looked between Lexa and the trashcan. "She must have thought she was persuasive."

"Going over things that we did and trying to convince me we could have that again is not very persuasive at all." She rolled her eyes and leaned on her desk beside Clarke. Putting her arm behind Clarke, she rested her hand on the desk and leaned back on it. "Clarke," she said, her voice dropping in tone at the seriousness of the situation. She turned Clarke's head so that she was looking at her. "Nothing that she and I had even compares to what I have with you."

"She seems to think otherwise," Clarke said grumpily. Lexa couldn't help the small laugh that escaped, and she leaned forward to press her lips to Clarke's.

"She knows nothing of what we have. She wouldn't understand if she tried. But it doesn't matter to me if she ever does, because I am yours and you are mine."

Clarke smiled somewhat shakily at her. "That sounds slightly territorial."

Lexa shrugged with a smirk. She nuzzled into Clarke's neck, earning a soft giggle from her girlfriend. "What can I say? I like having a claim on you, and you on me." Of course, Lexa knew Clarke was her own person. But being able to say that she was _her_ person was pretty nice.

Clarke wound her fingers through Lexa's hair, turning to place a kiss on the top of her head before leaning her head against Lexa's. "No worries, then?"

"None at all."

"Good." They fell into a comfortable silence, relishing in the presence of the other and the lack of other people near them.

Finally, Lexa spoke up, though she kept her face buried against Clarke's neck. "So what did you get me for Christmas?" she asked teasingly.

Clarke swatted Lexa's thigh. "You're going to have to wait like the rest of us."

"It's two days away," Lexa whined, pulling away to look at Clarke and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's waist. "Can't you just tell me now?"

"Nope," Clarke said, popping the 'p'.

" _Clarke_."

"You can wait two days, Lex."

Lexa fell into a silent pout, Clarke giggling at her. She leaned in and pulled Lexa's pouty lip between her own, biting it softly before letting go again. She moved to placing kisses to Lexa's cheeks, nose and forehead, smiling all the while.

"Will you stay the night Christmas Eve?" Lexa asked, trying to fight the smile that was trying to form at Clarke's actions.

Clarke nodded, her lips still pressed to Lexa's forehead. She placed another kiss to Lexa's lips before leaning on her shoulder. "If Anya won't mind. Octavia and Raven will be pleased to know that they'll have the apartment to themselves Christmas morning."

"Anya actually suggested it. She won't admit it, but I think she likes having you around."

"Aaw," Clarke cooed dramatically. "I'm growing on her!"

Lexa laughed. "I think she's actually just hoping for that drawing you promised her."

Clarke hummed, moving to kiss Lexa again. "She'll be pleased with her present then."

Pulling back abruptly, Lexa looked at Clarke aghast. "You did not draw on a coffee cup for her. That's _our_ thing."

Clarke laughed. "No, I didn't draw on a cup for her, you big baby. She's getting a full-fledged Clarke Griffin piece. Framed and everything."

"Oh yeah? What'd you draw her?" Lexa asked, genuinely curious.

"Her as a badass warrior, of course. Nothing screams 'Anya' more than her in warrior gear, getting ready to head into battle."

Lexa chuckled, pulling Clarke closer to her. "You know her so well. She'll love it."

"I hope so. Gotta keep the family happy," Clarke teased. "Shouldn't you be working on something?"

"Yes. But someone came in and distracted me." Lexa disentangled her arms from around Clarke, moving to sit down in her seat again. "Are you here to keep me company for a while?"

Clarke swung her legs happily. "Sure am. Thought you could use some cheer on your last day of work before Christmas."

"So kind of you."

"Kindness is my middle name."

"You're a dork."

"You love it."

"I love you," Lexa said, leaning back in her chair and looking at Clarke happily. And in that moment, watching as pure happiness spread across Clarke's features, Lexa knew she would never love anyone else as much as she loved her. Clarke was it for her, she was sure of that.

"I love you, too."

Nothing beat that.

\--------------------------------------------------------

"Babe."

Clarke groaned and buried her face into her pillow, clinging to the arm that was wrapped around her waist

"Love."

She felt kisses being placed to the back of her head and hid her smile in the pillow. That is, until the arm around her waist pulled and made her roll over onto her back. Lips pressed to her forehead before moving to pepper kisses around her face, and Clarke couldn't hide the smile anymore if she wanted to. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck, holding her close.

"Light of my life."

Clarke chuckled and pressed a kiss to Lexa's chin. "I could definitely get used to being woken up like this."

Lexa kissed her temple and settled her weight half on Clarke and half off. "I think we can manage to make that happen."

"Oh yeah?" Clarke finally peeked her eyes open, seeing a smiling Lexa leaning over her.

"Yeah, I think so." She placed another kiss to the corner of Clarke's mouth before leaning back a little, resting on her elbows over Clarke. She brushed some of Clarke's hair behind her ear, and the smile Lexa was giving her warmed Clarke to her very core. "Are you ready to get up, love?"

Clarke whined. "But it's cold." She cuddled further under the blankets, grinning to herself when Lexa huffed at being covered awkwardly as well.

"You can bring a blanket with you."

"But the bed is so warm." She wound her arms around Lexa's shoulders and pulled her down so that they were pressed chest to chest. "See? Isn't this so much better? All toasty warm and comfy in bed."

Lexa nuzzled Clarke's cheek, her smile pressed into Clarke's skin. "It's Christmas, Clarke."

At that, Clarke jolted up, effectively throwing Lexa off of her. "It's Christmas," she repeated, eyes wide with excitement and smile blooming uncontrollably.

Lexa looked up at her from where she had fallen in amused exasperation. She nodded when Clarke looked over at her.

"Lexa! Get up! It's Christmas!" Clarke flung herself off the bed, searching for her clothes. So they _may_ have had a bit of an early Christmas celebration the night before. What could she say? They were feeling festive.

Lexa laughed from the bed but did as Clarke asked, putting her own clothes back on. "I get the feeling that you're excited."

Clarke froze in the process of trying to pull her shirt over her head, leaving it half on and tangled around her. "Lexa. It's Christmas. Do you even know me?"

With an amused shake of her head, Lexa came over and helped Clarke fix her shirt. She tugged it down once the arms were untwisted and kissed Clarke's nose. "Of course I know you. Are you ready for breakfast?"

"But presents."

"After breakfast. We have to have the traditional cinnamon rolls first." Lexa pulled her bedroom door open and left the room, talking to Clarke over her shoulder.

Clarke followed, shoulders slumped. "Presents should come first."

"What are you, five?" Anya asked as she made her way out of her room. Clarke stuck her tongue out at her in answer. "That answers that question. I'll put the rolls on, you two finish getting ready. Morning breath is not allowed at my breakfast table."

Lexa rolled her eyes and grabbed Clarke's hand, leading her to the bathroom. "Okay, _mom_. You act as if we weren't actually headed to the bathroom in the first place."

Anya glared at her, arms crossed. "I know how you get when it comes to cinnamon rolls."

"They aren't even made yet."

"That's never stopped you before. We only have the one can of frosting, so no snitching this year."

"Take the fun out of everything," Lexa grumbled under her breath as she brushed her teeth, Clarke chuckling beside her as she did the same.

"I don't smell cinnamon rolls!" Clarke called as they walked out of the bathroom, fresh breath and ready for the day.

"That's because they aren't even in the oven yet. Do you have any concept of time at all?"

Clarke led Lexa into the kitchen to watch Anya finish setting the pan with the rolls. "That means we have time for presents first."

Lexa shook her head, grinning at Clarke's excitement. "That means we have time for hot chocolate first. Presents come after we eat, love."

Clarke slumped against the counter in disappointment. "But presents." She motioned to the living room where Lexa's and Anya's Christmas tree was waiting with presents to be opened piled under it.

Moving over to Clarke, Lexa pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Patience, Clarke," she teased.

"What happened to wanting to know your gift two days early?"

"You made me wait. And now you can wait an hour."

" _A whole hour?_ " Clarke whined.

"Oh my god. You're dating a five year old," Anya groaned. She stood up from the oven, having placed the rolls in to cook. "They'll be ready in about twenty minutes. Get the pan out for the hot chocolate."

Clarke, realizing that they were going to be making homemade hot chocolate, whined again. While that was very much appreciated and probably incredibly delicious, it was just going to take even longer to make. " _Lex_ ," Clarke whined, following Lexa to the stove.

Lexa pulled Clarke in front of her so her back was to Lexa's front. She reached for the milk to start boiling in the pot, handing it to Clarke. "Help me make the hot chocolate. It'll make the time go by faster."

"Opening presents would make the time go by faster," Clarke grumbled.

Anya plopped down on one of the stools, rubbing at her forehead.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Lexa asked, sitting down beside Clarke on the couch.

"It's been longer than an hour," Clarke grumbled.

Lexa laughed and put her arm over Clarke's shoulders. "But it didn't seem like it."

"It seemed like even longer than that."

"Oh my god, just open a damn present," Anya said, grabbing the first gift she could reach and throwing it at Clarke from where she was seated in the armchair.

Clarke caught the gift with a huge grin, looking down at it and recognizing the wrapping. "This isn't even for me." She threw it back to Anya and bounced in her seat excitedly. Lexa grabbed her hand and rubbed her thumb over the back, trying to calm her down.

Anya looked down at the gift curiously before pulling the wrapping off. Her jaw dropped, and by the huge grin that spread across Clarke's features, Lexa could only guess that it was a gift from her girlfriend. She squeezed Clarke's shoulder in question, but Clarke only shrugged in response.

"You did not." Anya looked between the gift and Clarke, her surprise quickly morphing into a scowl.

"Oh, I did." Clarke looked far too smug, and Anya way too grumpy for Lexa to form any idea as to what the gift was.

"An?" she asked hesitantly.

Anya glared at Clarke, eyes darting to Lexa for only a second. Clarke, in response, only hopped up from the couch happily, going over to the tree to dig through the gifts waiting there. Anya's glare followed her.

"Oh quit pouting," Clarke said from her position half under the tree. She wiggled back out, a similarly wrapped gift in her own hands. "I got one, too."

"You got yourself a gift?" Lexa asked, even more confused than before.

"Yep," Clarke came back to the couch, plopping down and handing Lexa a gift of her own as she held the one for her in her lap. "You going to open that?" Clarke asked, eyebrow raised teasingly as she looked between Lexa and the gift in her hands. Lexa, for her part, was watching Clarke curiously, noting that Anya was still glaring at her.

"I'd actually rather see what you got Anya that has her so grumpy."

Clarke laughed. "She's not actually grumpy. And if she is, then she has no right to be. She knew it was coming. Everyone did."

"Everyone?" Lexa asked.

"Mhm. Everyone got one. You already have one, so you didn't of course. But everyone else did."

Suddenly, Lexa understood and her own grin spread. She looked over at Anya, motioning for her to hold the gift up. "Let's see it then. Which animal did you get?"

Anya gritted her teeth, but held up the pajamas anyway. "A fox. Your girlfriend got me fox footie pajamas."

Lexa burst out laughing, even more amused when Anya held them as far away from her as possible.

Clarke opened her own gift, holding up her pair of lion footie pajamas. "But now we're all set for pajama movie night!" she cheered. Without any hesitation, Clarke climbed into her own pajamas, pulling them over what she was already wearing. She happily sat back down, and Lexa pulled her little lion closer to her side.

"So you went with the lion, huh?" Lexa teased.

Clarke nodded and pointed at her unruly hair that she had pulled into a messy bun earlier. "I took your opinion to heart." She pulled the hood over her head, the lion's mane and ears sitting on and around her face. "Now I can at least hide my own mane."

Lexa laughed again and pulled Clarke in for a quick kiss. "You're adorable."

"She's a pest."

"You're just upset that you don't have any excuse not to join pajama movie night now," Clarke challenged. "Now stop pouting, and grab another gift."

Anya scowled and sunk further into her chair, refusing to move.

With a roll of her eyes, Lexa got up and grabbed another gift, looking at the tag on it. "For Norman. Clarke, did you seriously get a gift for your hedgehog?"

" _Our_ hedgehog. And yes I did. Here, I'll go give it to him." And with that, Clarke ran out of the room, bringing Norman the gift.

"Your girlfriend is weird." Anya eyed Clarke's retreat warily, as if she actually had no idea how to handle the blonde.

Lexa chuckled, sorting through more of the gifts. "She's a handful sometimes. But you like her. You've already admitted that she's family."

"That was before I realized how weird she is. I want to rescind my statement."

Having sorted out the last few gifts, Lexa sat back down on the couch, a small pile of presents set in front of where each of them were sitting. "Can't take it back. It's official now."

Anya continued grumbling from where she sat, but even she couldn't hide her excitement at seeing the gifts set out in front of her. When Clarke came back into the room, they set about opening the gifts, taking turns to each see what the others got.

Finally, after all of those gifts were opened and all three were admiring each others gifts from their friends, Clarke stood from the couch and went back to Lexa's room.

"Where you going, babe?" Lexa called after her, looking over the back of the couch to watch Clarke's retreating figure.

"To get the rest."

"The rest?" Lexa asked, looking at the gifts in front of her. Clarke had gotten her a few books, a travel mug with a chalkboard-like outside, and a couple of comfortable sweaters. She knew that Anya hadn't opened up Clarke's actual present to her, as she hadn't opened up the drawing Clarke had made her. But honestly, what else could she possibly be getting?

Clarke only came back into the room with two things - a larger gift that Lexa assumed to be Anya's drawing, and a large envelope. She handed Anya her gift first and sat back down on the couch, cuddling into Lexa's side.

Anya, clearly confused, unwrapped the gift warily. When she flipped the revealed frame over, she froze.

"Do you like it?" Clarke asked timidly after some time of silence. She was chewing on her lip nervously, and Lexa took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Finally, Anya looked up, and if Lexa didn't know better she'd say that there were signs of tears in her sister's eyes. After taking a second longer to respond, Anya mumbled out a "Thank you. It's beautiful." (Which was actually an understatement if her hanging it up in a place of honor in her room later that day was anything to go by.(It would also hang proudly in her new apartment above her television for everyone to see because her _sister_ was a fucking amazing artist (not that she'd ever call Clarke that to her face).))

Lexa smiled at her sister's reaction, proud of her girlfriend's talents. When she felt a squeeze to her hand, she looked over to Clarke, finding her already looking up at her. "Yes, love?"

"This," Clarke started, handing over the envelope, "is your real present." Lexa took the envelope and pulled her hand free so she could open it.

"You already got me plenty, Clarke."

Clarke nodded and tapped at the envelope. "Those were just fillers so you had something to actually open. Now open it up so I can finally get out of 'will she like it' limbo."

Lexa chuckled and popped the envelope open, pulling out several printouts.

All of which detailed a week long trip north to a secluded cabin, including several day trips to local destinations. Her eyes caught on one brochure highlighting a little town and its bookstore.

Clarke pointed at the brochure, tapping on the picture of the bookstore. "Oldest, perpetually opened bookstore in the country." She flipped through a few other pamphlets and print outs, highlighting all of the random places that they could go. "Of course, we don't have to go to everything. But I thought we could make an actual trip of it. You said you wanted to go some day, so why not now?"

Lexa looked up at Clarke in awe of all the planning that she did for this. Clarke was rambling about some kind of spa trip when Lexa pushed the envelope and all its contents to the side, letting it fall onto the couch beside her. She reached for Clarke, cupping her cheeks, and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Clarke melted under her touch, grasping at her forearms to keep her there. She may have heard Anya leaving the room, but she honestly couldn't find it in herself to care whether her sister was witness to what was happening or not.

When they broke apart, Lexa rested her forehead on Clarke's and just breathed her in.

"I'm taking it you like it," Clarke teased, her voice breathy. Lexa chuckled and nodded, pulling away to look Clarke in the eyes. She held Clarke's hands in her own and stood from the couch, pulling her girlfriend with her.

"I love it. And," she tugged Clarke along with her, walking backward to lead her toward the hallway, "such an amazing gift deserves one in return."

Clarke quirked her brow and smirked, clearly thinking of something else entirely. "To your room, then?"

Lexa led Clarke down the hall, lifting her hands to place kisses on them. "To yours, actually." She stopped at the closed door to what was once the apartment's spare bedroom.

Clarke's suggestive look melted into one of confusion quickly. "Mine?" she asked, quirking her head to the side cutely. Lexa pressed another kiss to Clarke's knuckles before releasing Clarke's hands.

"Yours," Lexa repeated. She twisted the door handle behind her and pushed the door open, moving out of the way for Clarke to see. With a fond smile, she nudged Clarke closer when Clarke only continued looking at her in confusion. "Go look, Clarke."

And the look of awe that took over Clarke's features made every second of the frustrating preparation completely worth it.

Lexa followed Clarke into the room, looking over the room to make sure she didn't forget something. From the easel in the corner to the drafting table on the side and the many blank canvases along the wall, everything looked just as she had left it. She had pulled out the carpet to leave the hardwood flooring that was originally in the apartment, knowing that would survive paint much better than carpeting. And the light blue covering the walls was probably the best choice she could have made. She had even had Raven steal a few of Clarke's finished works to frame and hang on the walls. In the opposite corner from the easel, sat a large tool chest full of any and all materials that Clarke could need. And on top of it, in a place that was easily visible from anywhere in the room, sat a picture of them together, Clarke wrapped up in Lexa's arms and laughing happily.

Clarke stood in the middle of the room, looking around at all that Lexa had done. She couldn't seem to decide on one thing to focus on, her eyes instead darting from one side of the room to the other. "Lex..." she finally gasped out, still looking around the room.

"Of course, we can go get anything else you may need. But I think I got all of the basics."

Clarke turned to look at her, her eyes watery and tears already escaping. Her eyes landed on the photo that Lexa had framed and hung by the door. Lexa looked over to it as well, taking in the dark wood frame and the image within. Clarke moved toward it, her hand reaching out tentatively as if afraid to touch it.

"I thought it was important that he was in here, too."

Finally, Clarke's fingers touched the glass covering the photo of her and her father at the National Gallery of Art. Her hand began shaking and more tears fell from her eyes, her breath escaping in a gasp.

"Is it..." Lexa began, suddenly second guessing her choice of including the picture. "Is that okay?" she finally asked quietly.

Clarke's hand fell from the frame, though her eyes stayed glued to the picture. She nodded shakily, her lip trembling before she pulled it between her teeth to still it.

Without preamble, Clarke turned and threw herself at Lexa, pulling her into a tight embrace. She hid her face in Lexa's shoulder, and Lexa held her shaking girlfriend, the time passing by without either noticing or caring.

After what could have been hours or just minutes, Clarke pulled back. She cupped the back of Lexa's neck, her fingers tangled in the hair there. "This is amazing, Lexa."

Lexa smiled, finally getting confirmation that Clarke actually liked her gift. "You needed a place to get away sometimes. Somewhere to get lost in your art for a while. I wanted to make sure you had that here."

"You're amazing," Clarke whispered out, leaning forward to place a gentle kiss to Lexa's lips. "This is too much, though," she announced when she pulled away. She wiped at her eyes, brushing off any left-over tears.

Lexa's face scrunched in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Clarke waved around the room. "It's too much. I can't accept all this. I don't even live here."

Expression lighting up with realization, Lexa took a step closer to Clarke again. "It's not too much, and you _can_ accept it. Because you don't live here yet, but hopefully you will soon."

"Excuse me?" Clarke asked, clearly confused.

"Anya's Christmas gift to the both of us. I told her were were going to be starting to look for apartments soon. And she offered this one."

Clarke's jaw dropped. "She did not."

Lexa nodded, amused at Clarke's shock. "She did. You can go ask her if you want to."

Clarke shook her head, looking around as if seeing the apartment for the first time. "Is she sure?"

Lexa just nodded again.

"Like, really sure? Because I don't want her to feel like we're kicking her out of her own apartment. I mean, that's asking so much of her. And she shouldn't feel like we're taking her home away from her. It's not really fair to ask that of--"

"For fuck's sake, Griffin. It's yours!' Anya yelled out from her room on the other side of the hall where she had apparently been able to hear all of Clarke's rant. Clarke flushed red, stunned, when Anya pulled her door open to see them. "I don't need a three bedroom apartment to myself. It makes more sense for you to take it. And, as Lex so kindly offered, I have a spare room with my name on it if I ever need it."

Clarke just nodded dumbly, still trying to take in everything that was happening.

Lexa wrapped her arms around her from behind, resting her chin on Clarke's shoulder. "Everything's falling into place," she whispered into Clarke's ear.

Another dumbfounded nod was her only response as Lexa nuzzled her nose into the juncture of Clarke's neck and shoulder. Clarke turned in her arms abruptly, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck and leaning up to press an excited kiss to her lips. "We have an apartment!" she cheered when they broke apart.

"We do," Lexa agreed.

"We're going to move in together."

"Yes we are."

Clarke pressed excited kisses to Lexa's lips, both of them smiling all the while.

Anya's scoff broke them apart for a moment. When they looked to her, she rolled her eyes and turned back into her room. "Should I go ahead and pack all my things now, or do I have enough time to find a new apartment first?" she teased in her signature Anya way.

"It's Christmas. You can at least wait until tomorrow," Clarke sassed back, shooting Anya a wink when she looked back at them.

With another scoff and eye roll (that definitely didn't hide the smile that was breaking through her hard facade), Anya closed her door to leave the couple in peace.

"Now," Clarke said as she looked back up at Lexa, scratching at the nape of her neck lovingly, "where were we?"

Lexa had no problem reminding her, happily pressing their lips together once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Christmas! When I was writing this, it was actually around Christmas time and not the beginning of June. So you'll have to forgive me for bringing us all back to the winter holidays in the midst of summer. 
> 
> What's the best/worst/funniest gift y'all have ever received or given? I got a dog for my birthday this year, so that was awesome. But also my first guitar when I was eleven for Christmas was amazing. Share in the comments below and maybe your gift/idea will be featured later on in this monster of a fic. 
> 
> Also, fun fact, I'm pretty much finished with writing this fic! I need to go back to add a chapter that I skipped, but other than that, it's finished (editing notwithstanding)! So that's exciting. 
> 
> And on that note, I'm thinking of going back to twice a week updates. Yay or nay? And which days are the most preferable? Tuesday's/Friday's or Monday's/Thursday's? Or any other combination that still has the chapters kinda spaced apart. It's probably not going to happen for a few weeks yet if it does happen, but it's a possibility. 
> 
> That's all for this update. Comment/request/kudos below if you desire. I'd love to hear all of your thoughts. Also, you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to do that.


	46. To Stay Like This is Everything You'll Ever Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parties, pizzas, booze and royalty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this week. Sorry, guys. The next one I wanted to keep together without splitting it into different chapters. So next week should be a longer one.

New Years Eve. A time of frivolity, happiness, spending time with loved ones and....

"Booze. We need more booze," Raven announced decisively from the kitchen. She looked to Clarke for confirmation of her proclamation.

"I think we've probably bought enough for the party. It's just the gang getting together. We aren't providing for an army." Clarke dug through the pantry looking for the large pack of solo cups she had bought the previous week. She cheered triumphantly when she found them, and stood to find Raven looking at her as if she had grown a second head. "What?"

"Do you even know our friends?" She waved to the bottles of alcohol on the counter. "This is clearly not going to be enough. Even if everyone brings something themselves. And you can be sure that most are going to be bringing dates along as well. We're about to get double the number of people, with half as much booze. We need to go out and get more."

Clarke laughed. "Alright, Rae. If you say so. Why don't you go out and get some more of whatever you want, and I'll finish setting up the apartment. Oh, I still need to order the pizza, too," she added as an after thought. "Do you think ten will do?"

"Again, do you even know our friends?"

Clarke nodded as if she had just received sage advice. "Jasper, Murphy, and Bell do usually eat a ton. An even dozen, then. If they want more, they can order some themselves."

Raven made a noise of agreement before walking out of the kitchen to grab her things so she could go to the store. "Everyone will probably be crashing here, you know?" she hollered from down the hall.

"As long as they don't expect a bedroom, I don't really care."

Raven peaked back into the kitchen, eyebrows waggling suggestively. "Have plans for your bedroom tonight, princess?"

"It's New Years. What do you think?" Clarke challenged with a quirked brow. She wasn't ashamed to admit that she and Lexa would be spending some quality time together celebrating the start of a new year. After all, they say that the way you start the year sets the tone for the entire year.

"Speaking of Commander Heart-Eyes, when is she getting here?"

Clarke looked to the clock on the stove, having lost track of the time during her preparations. "Soon, actually. I'm kind of surprised she isn't here already."

With that, a knock sounded on the door. "Speak of the devil," Raven said, going to open the door. "Clarke, I love your girlfriend!" she yelled out.

Clarke walked out of the kitchen, curious as to what would make Raven say that. "Octavia has some competition then, huh?" she teased.

Raven came out of the hallway to the door, arms leaden with more bottles of alcohol. "She is an angel sent from heaven. A beautiful waterfall during a time of drought. The promised champion for all those weary souls." She grinned as she led Lexa, who was carrying more bottles, into the kitchen.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you actually liked me, Reyes." Lexa set her bottles down with the rest, easily doubling what they had already bought. She kept one bottle in her hand, keeping it away from the rest.

"You kept me from having to go out and fight a wine-mom for the last bottles of booze. You're my hero." Raven bat her eyelashes at Lexa dreamily, leaning into her side.

Lexa laughed and shoved Raven off her. "Don't worry. That'll wear off by tomorrow."

"No way," Raven declared, seemingly insulted at the idea. "You're stuck with me now. My knight in shining armor, come to save the damsel in distress. Clarke, find yourself a new lover. Lexa's mine now."

"Ooh, are we moving on to threesomes now?" Octavia asked as she walked into the room. She had been getting ready in Raven's room, setting out outfits for herself, Raven and Clarke for the evening.

She made her way over to Raven and Lexa, eying Lexa up and down. "I can't say I'd be opposed to it," she admitted, shooting Lexa a wink.

Lexa gave Octavia a sultry grin and leaned against the counter top, placing the bottle she was holding away from the rest. Raven's gaze darted between the two, her brow creasing as she thought. "You know what, I take it back." She pointed at Lexa while making her way to Octavia, grabbing her fiancé's hand. "You are a scoundrel who tries to steal people's lovers."

"What happened to me being your knight in shining armor?" Lexa pouted. Clarke could barely hold in her laugh, but she managed, instead chuckling to herself and turning away to grab some paper plates to set out for the party.

Raven scoffed. "If you're a knight, you're Lancelot, stealing the king's wife from him and siring a child, only to be declared a traitor to the crown."

"Are you calling yourself the king?" Octavia asked.

Raven nodded succinctly. "And you are my queen. And the princess over here..." She trailed off and pointed to Clarke.

Clarke scrunched her brow, looking slightly disgusted. "No. You stop right there."

Raven smirked at her deviously. "Come give your mom and dad a hug." She held out her arms expectantly, pursing her lips as if she was going to lay a big kiss on Clarke's cheek.

"No. No. Gross. Stop that." Raven inched closer to her, trying to corner her in the kitchen. "Stop it. Raven, go love on your fiancé." She pushed at Raven's arms when she came into reach, backing Clarke into the corner of her countertop. "Raven, I'm warning you," she ground out.

Raven leaned forward as best she could, trying to give Clarke a big, wet kiss on the cheek. "Let me love you, woman!" She finally broke past Clarke's defenses and pressed a smacking kiss to her cheek, forcing her into a hug (that was more like trapping her, if they were being honest). "She loves me. She really loves me, Octavia!" she cheered, clinging to Clarke and making her sway back and forth.

"The glare on her face would say otherwise, babe," Octavia said through her laughter.

Raven pulled back, but kept Clarke trapped in her hug. "She does look rather contrite, doesn't she, my queen. Well, no matter." She pushed away from Clarke and waved her hand as if to brush her off. "We'll barter her off for the wellbeing of our kingdom. You will do." She pointed to Lexa where she was still leaning against the opposite counter, watching the scene play out with an amused expression. "After trying to sway the love of my queen, I will offer you my daughter to placate your desire for wealth and power. She will keep you occupied and derail your interest in the Queen."

Lexa quirked a brow and crossed her arms. "A princess in exchange for a queen? That hardly seems a fair exchange."

Clarke looked at her aghast, her jaw dropped in offense.

Again, Raven waved off her protests before they could even begin. "You will take the offer or be exiled from this land."

"Well, when you put it that way..." She moved closer to Clarke and held out her hand expectantly. Clarke glared at her, but let Lexa take her hand. "Would you do me the honor, Princess?"

"I don't think you deserve my hand anymore. After such remarks about the queen." Clarke couldn't believe the words coming out of her own mouth.

Lexa dropped to a knee, looking up at Clarke beseechingly. "My princess, I promise you from this day forward, until my dying breath, my only thought will be of you. I will rise in the morning with your name in my heart, and fall asleep longing for your touch. Not a day will go by in which I don't long to be by your side."

And, even though Clarke knew this was all just joking, the sincerity in Lexa's gaze wasn't. She felt her heart clench in her chest as Lexa placed a kiss on Clarke's hand, her eyes still locked on Clarke's.

"So... does this mean no threesome?" Octavia said, breaking the moment between the two.

Lexa pulled Clarke's hand from her lips, but kept her grip on it, and fell into laughter. She stood to her feet and turned to face Raven and Octavia. "Definitely no threesome, O. Sorry to disappoint."

Octavia sighed dramatically, her shoulders drooping in sadness. "And here I thought we'd be starting the year with a bang."

"Oh, there'll still be a bang," Raven said suggestively.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I sincerely hope that was a sexual reference and not about an actual explosion," Clarke said.

Raven smiled cheekily at her. "A bang outside, a bang in the bed... Who said it had to be one or the other?" She shrugged innocently.

"Rae, I swear--"

"Octavia, I think we still have to take care of that thing in the other room. So let's go do that. Right now." She pushed Octavia out of the room quickly, avoiding Clarke's warnings.

Clarke sighed and rubbed at her forehead, debating whether it would be worth going after Raven or just accepting whatever she had up her sleeve. It was probably too late to do anything about it anyway. With another sigh, she let her hand fall and turned to Lexa. "So, Octavia?" she asked with a quirked brow.

Lexa pulled Clarke to her, wrapping her arms around her securely. "You know you're the only one for me." She kissed Clarke's forehead and smiled when Clarke leaned into her.

"Good. Because I was worried for a second there that I'd be fighting for your kiss at midnight," Clarke teased.

"Don't worry, love. These lips will never kiss another." With a gentle kiss to Clarke's lips, she began swaying on the spot, almost as if dancing to a tune only she could here.

"Better be," Clarke challenged with a smile, pressing her lips back to Lexa's in a series of quick kisses that quickly melted into something more.

Lexa took one of Clarke's hands in her own, spinning her out and bringing her back in to a proper dancing position. She began moving them around the kitchen slowly, humming a soft tune as Clarke leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder and allowed herself to be led.

"Well isn't this adorable," a voice drawled from the entrance to the kitchen, bringing their dancing to a stop. Both Clarke and Lexa looked over to find Murphy standing in the doorway, holding two bottles of wine.

Clarke rolled her eyes, but pulled away from Lexa nonetheless. She took the bottles from Murphy and placed them with the rest, grabbing the one Lexa had put to the side to put it with the others as well.

"Nope, not that one," Lexa said, grabbing the bottle from Clarke. When Clarke tilted her head in question, she explained. "That's for our celebration later tonight." She turned the bottle so Clarke could see the label. "Far too nice for a group of drunks to appreciate."

And it was. Far too nice, that is. Lexa had gotten them a fancy brand of champagne, and Clarke smiled brightly at the sight of it. She placed a quick kiss on Lexa's lips before taking the bottle back. "Then I'll go place this in my room for later," she said with a wink before walking to her room to do just that.

When she returned, Lexa and Murphy had moved out to the living room to join Raven and Octavia in finishing setting up. She quickly called to place the order for their pizzas and then joined them as well, putting out all the snacks and setting up the drinks bar for the party ahead.

By the time they were finished, everyone else started trickling in, and the party began. Raven set up the music to pump throughout the apartment, and they pushed the furniture out of the way to make an impromptu dance floor for anyone who had the urge to let loose a little. Of course, Clarke and Lexa took advantage of this, remembering fondly their night together out at the club.

With drinks flowing, music pumping, and everyone having a great time, midnight came quickly. Everyone that was scattered around the apartment quickly tried to find their significant others, pairing off quickly for the ball-drop that was to be displayed on Clarke and Raven's TV. Raven shut off the music as the time neared, instead choosing to turn up the volume of the TV for the countdown.

And then the countdown began.

Clarke found herself spun around in Lexa's arms, their chests pressed together as Lexa nuzzled into Clarke's neck. She placed kisses along her skin, making Clarke cling to her tighter.

10

Clarke wound her fingers into Lexa's hair, scratching at her scalp and earning a contented moan from Lexa. She grinned at the ready response.

9

Clarke placed a kiss to Lexa's temple, nudging her to look up.

8

Green met blue, and the sound of the party around them seemed to fade away.

7

Lexa nudged Clarke's nose with her own, a small smile spreading across her lips. Clarke mirrored her smile, her body feeling warm from a mixture of the alcohol and the look Lexa was giving her.

6

Placing a kiss to the corner of Lexa's mouth, Clarke murmured under her breath.

5

"What was that, love?" Lexa asked gently.

4

"I love you," Clarke repeated, pressing her forehead to Lexa's.

3

Lexa's smile lit up Clarke's world.

2

"I love you to, Clarke," Lexa whispered, her lips a hair's breadth from Clarke's.

1

Clarke's eyes fell closed, Lexa's smile burned into the back of her eyelids.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

They were kissing, breaking in the new year together.

And, as they both smiled into the kiss and fireworks went off not too far away (thanks to Raven, no doubt), Clarke knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her night, her year, her life, in Lexa's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good start to a good year for all around. And you can imagine that the rest of the night continued just as well for them. 
> 
> Everything's going to be short this week, including this note. Rough week and the motivation for anything more is next to zero. So, like always, I love your comments/kudos/requests. Please leave me some if you feel so inclined. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you'd like to.


	47. As Long as You Were With Me, Let the Cold Wind Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Week trips, book stores, and unwanted run-ins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter this time! I'm going to be gone this weekend, so I'm posting this early... I was hoping it'd let me "future date" it so that it'd publish on Friday. But as it is, you're getting it early. Happy mid-week!

"Lexa, I promise that everything we'll need is already there other than clothes." Clarke leaned against the doorframe to Lexa's room, her girlfriend dashing around and throwing more items into her suitcase.

"How can you possibly know that?" Lexa shot back, digging through her suitcase once again to make sure she got everything. "We should probably pack food. Is there a grocery store near the cabin? I'm just going to go grab some stuff from the kitchen."

She made to leave the room, but Clarke caught her around her waist, stopping her retreat. "Oh no you're not. Just finish packing your clothes and personal stuff. Everything's already ready for us up there."

Lexa huffed in her arms, struggling to break free of Clarke's grasp. "There's absolutely no way you can be one-hundred percent certain about that. What if we get up there, and the last people that stayed left the place empty? They could have eaten all the food that was stored there, taken all the blankets and firewood. Oh my god. Firewood. Do you think we should go buy some? Or maybe just bring an ax up with us. I can cut some wood at least and--"

"Lex," Clarke cut her off with a laugh. "While the image of you out cutting wood and providing for us is absolutely welcome and very hot, I don't think that'll be necessary."

"I do know how to cut wood, Clarke," Lexa grumbled, crossing her arms and finally stopping her struggle in Clarke's arms. Clarke squeezed her waist and rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder.

"I'm sure you do, love. But you won't need to. This week is for you to just relax and enjoy the sights."

"But we should still be prepared. I should grab some more blankets." Lexa tried to jerk out of Clarke's arms, but Clarke just held her tighter.

"Nope. You're not brining anything that doesn't fit in that one suitcase."

"What about books?"

Clarke rolled her eyes with a fond smile. "I guess I can make an exception for books. But only one bag of them, okay?"

Lexa nodded, clearly trying to think of which books to bring with her. "How long is the drive?"

"About four hours."

"And you really don't think we need to bring anything else with us?" She eyed Clarke skeptically.

"Lex." Clarke turned her around her in arms so they were facing each other fully. "I promise that everything we need will be there waiting for us. And there's a town close by if we decide we'd like to get anything else."

"How can you _know_ though?"

"Because it's my family's cabin, love."

Lexa's jaw dropped. "Wait, what?"

Clarke shrugged nonchalantly, letting her arms fall from around Lexa. "It's the cabin we used to go to for winter vacation. Dad convinced Mom to buy it after we visited one year and fell in love with it. The owners at the time were trying to get it off their hands, and my dad was more than willing to help them out with that. And now it's technically mine." Lexa quirked her head in confusion, causing Clarke to chuckle softly. "It was in my dad's name. He left it to me in his will."

"You own a cabin."

Another shrug. "Technically, yeah. My mom still handles renting it out to other people throughout the year, though. She made sure it would be well stocked for our trip. She honestly seemed surprised that I even asked about it. This will be the first time I've gone back since..." she trailed off, knowing Lexa understood what she was saying.

Lexa fell down onto the bed, elbows leaning on her knees as she looked up at Clarke. "Are you sure you want to go there, Clarke? We can always get a room at a hotel."

"And miss seeing the woods during winter?" Clarke sat down next to Lexa, taking her hand and twining their fingers together. Lifting their hands to her lips, she placed a kiss on the back of Lexa's hand. "I don't want to get a hotel room. This cabin means a lot to me, and I really think you'll love it. And, it just so happens to be in the middle of all of the towns we have mapped out to visit."

Lexa watched her, concerned, and Clarke felt the weight of her gaze without meeting her eyes.

She gave Lexa's hand a gentle squeeze. "Really, Lex. It's going to be great." Looking up to meet Lexa's gaze, she gave her a small smile.

"If it starts to become too much--"

"I'll let you know immediately. But it'll be fine. I'll be fine. I think it will be nice to finally go back and visit after so many years. See how it's changed."

Lexa nodded slowly, still wary.

Clarke pulled her hand away and patted Lexa's knee, hopping up off of the bed and over to Lexa's open suitcase. "Now, I've seen you go over everything in here at least four times, and I know that you've packed everything you need. So," she closed the suitcase and zipped it up, "you're ready to go. Grab some books that you want to take, and let's get on the road."

Lexa stood, reaching for her suitcase. "Let me just check one more time."

Clarke jerked the suitcase away, dancing out of Lexa's reach. "Not gonna happen. You've checked enough, and I know for a fact that you have everything. I'm going to bring this down to the car, and I expect that when I come back up," she placed a quick kiss to Lexa's lips before retreating again, "you'll be ready to go."

Clarke quickly walked out of the apartment and to her car, throwing Lexa's suitcase in the trunk with her own. Honestly, for someone who could just up and go on a road trip without any notice, Lexa was really a stringent and methodical packer. And, an hour and a half after Clarke had thought they'd be on the road, she was still trying to convince her girlfriend that she didn't need to pack as if she was preparing for the apocalypse.

She smiled at the thought, closing the trunk and heading back up to Lexa's apartment. "Ready, babe?" she called out as she walked through the door.

Lexa handed her a tote filled with a few books and what looked to be a notebook so she could pull on her coat. "Just about."

"Your sister's going to look after Norman, right?"

Lexa nodded. "Yeah. I already moved him and his cage to her room."

"Alright then..." Clarke leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to Lexa's lips, smiling when she felt Lexa smiling into it. "The mountains are calling, and we must go." She threw Lexa a wink before leading her out the door to start their adventure.

* * *

 

The cabin was, as Clarke had promised, stocked and ready for them. There was even firewood already in the fireplace, prepped for them to start a fire as soon as they arrived.

"Lex, can you start the fire? It's freezing in here. I'm going to go grab the bags," Clarke called as she walked back out of the cabin and into the falling snow.

Lexa did as she was asked, quickly starting up the fire and warming her hands in the heat radiating from it as it grew. "Clarke, baby, come get warm. We can get unpacked and situated after the cabin warms up."

Clarke huffed as she let the suitcases fall to the floor inside the front door. She quickly pushed the door shut and shook the snow out of her hair. "You know, when I was planning this, I didn't take into account how freakishly cold it is here compared to at home." She shivered in her coat as she shuffled closer to Lexa, but grinned widely when Lexa held her arms open to her welcomingly.

"Well, we did go north. Usually, north means colder."

Clarke rolled her eyes and pushed out of Lexa's arms before shucking her coat. "I'm going to grab some blankets and try to find something warm to drink in the kitchen."

"I can do that. You go get the blankets."

Lexa made her way to the kitchen, Clarke disappearing down the hall to the bedrooms. And, as Clarke had promised, the kitchen was completely stocked for them with anything they could possibly need for their week long stay. She found some hot chocolate in the cabinet and went about boiling some water on the stove.

A few minutes later, when the cocoa was made, Lexa went back out to the central area to find Clarke bundled up in multiple blankets by the fire. She handed her one of the mugs with a soft laugh and sat down beside her. "You going to let me in there?" she asked teasingly.

Clarke glared at her for a moment, as if thinking about whether or not she actually would. Finally, she sighed and motioned with her head for Lexa to join her. "Just hurry up and don't let any cold air in."

Lexa laughed and tried to shuffle under the blanket quickly without spilling either of their drinks. When Clarke shivered at a draft of cold air hitting her skin, glaring at Lexa because of it, Lexa just shrugged and snuggled in closer, pulling the blanket around herself as well. "Stop whining and help me warm up."

* * *

 

"Okay, but what if," Clarke announced, jumping in front of Lexa while still holding her hand. They were walking down Main Street of a town not too far from the cabin, Clarke now walking backward in front of Lexa.

"Clarke, please turn around. You're going to run into something," Lexa requested, amused by her girlfriend's enthusiasm.

Clarke waved her off. "What if it was in a town like this, though? Nothing too conspicuous. Would you consider it, then?'

Lexa smiled and shook her head. "Not if you weren't running it with me. And you, future Doctor Griffin, won't have time for such things."

"I could do part time."

"And you'll burn yourself out."

"No I wouldn't."

"Because I haven't heard that before." Lexa rolled her eyes. "I just don't think it's practical. Especially not any time soon."

"Then in the future."

"I doubt it."

"Why?"

Lexa shrugged. "It's always just been a bit of a dream. Not really something I figured I'd pursue."

"But you could be one of those cool bookstore owners that's also a published author. People would be so excited to visit your shop."

"It's just not practical, Clarke. We may have to move in a couple of years, depending on where you plan to work. And what's the likelihood that wherever you decide to work is going to be near a small town like this? A hot-shot pediatric surgeon is going to be wanted at one of those big city hospitals."

"I don't think that means you can't still open something like it wherever we do end up living."

"Maybe when we're older." Lexa shrugged, tugging on Clarke's hand so that she would move to walk beside her again.

Clarke pointed at her with a stern glare. "This isn't over." She turned to walk forward, falling into step beside Lexa. "I think it's a wonderful idea, for the record."

"I kind of gathered that," Lexa teased.

With another short glare, Clarke continued. "Really. You talk about wanting to make a difference, and something like that would make a difference. You'd be a safe place for people. Somewhere for them to escape the real world for a bit to delve into the world of books instead."

"I thought we were dropping this for now."

Clarke shrugged. "Just wanted to throw that out there."

"It has been noted."

Clarke just hummed in response, deciding that the subject could be dropped for now. She quietly took in all of the Christmas lights still decorating the streets of the town weeks after Christmas. (Lexa took in the way the lights reflected off Clarke's hair and eyes, making her glow like some kind of angel.)

"Look!" Clarke finally said, breaking the silence. She pointed down the street to where quite a few people were gathered in front of a large building. "I think that's it."

Lexa looked to the building and nodded. "I think you're right, love."

"Are you ready to go cross off one of the things on your bucket list?" Clarke asked, looking over to Lexa excitedly.

Lexa pulled both of their hands into her coat pocket, giving Clarke's hand a squeeze. She nodded and happily followed as Clarke led her over to the bookstore.

And, while Lexa did thoroughly enjoy the bookstore, she had to admit that walking around with Clarke on her arm made it a trip to remember.

* * *

 

With a couple of shopping bags on her arm, Lexa let Clarke lead her back down the crowded street, which seemed to just get more crowded as the evening wore on.

"Where to now?" Lexa asked as she watched Clarke examining the shops.

Clarke, for her part, was enamored with the town they were walking through. It wasn't small by any means, but it was enchanting all the same. Everyone seemed to still be enthralled with the Christmas spirit, happily bounding from shop to shop with their friends and family.

"Nowhere in particular," Clarke finally responded. "Anything catching your eye?" When she looked over to Lexa, Lexa was already looking at her with a soft smile.

Lexa nodded and pulled Clarke to a stop in front of one of the shops and out of the way of passersby. She dropped Clarke's hand to instead wrap her arms around Clarke's waist, swaying them side to side happily. "You are," she admitted, nudging Clarke's nose with her own.

Clarke giggled, swatting jokingly at Lexa's arm. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Maybe," Lexa admitted with a shrug. "But you're the only thing catching my eye out here." She spun them around so Clarke's back was to the wall of the store and leaned in slightly, trapping Clarke between her and the wall. "And I'm thinking," she nuzzled into Clarke's neck, placing kisses against her skin, "that we should maybe head back to the cabin and come back here tomorrow if you'd like."

"Oh yeah?" Clarke asked, scratching at the back of Lexa's neck gently.

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, nipping at Clarke's jaw.

"Well I think..." Clarke trailed off, her eyes landing on the last person she expected to see on their trip. "I think we need to go. Right now."

"That's what I just said," Lexa said in confusion, pulling back slightly at Clarke's tone of urgency. Clarke grabbed her hand and pushed Lexa to get her to start walking. She led her down the street at a fast pace. "Clarke, what's wrong?"

Clarke looked over her shoulder to where Lexa was trailing her, and then behind Lexa to where she saw Dante Wallace moments before. "There's a man here that used to work with my father."

"And we need to avoid him because...?" Lexa prompted as she dodged another couple while trying to keep up with Clarke.

Clarke shook her head and pushed through a crowd of people. "Not him. But, wherever he is, so is--" She came to an abrupt stop as she bumped into a rather tall man who took her by the arms to stead her. Lexa almost ran into her back, stopping just short of doing so and staring at Clarke worriedly.

"Are you alright, Clarke?" she squeezed Clarke's hand, trying to get her attention. But Clarke was focused on the man who had yet to let go of her arms.

"Well, if it isn't Clarke Griffin," the man drawled. Lexa's head jerked to look at him, a mix between surprise and frustration forming into a glare of sorts.

Clarke took a small step back, trying to get his hands off her. He held on, taking a step to make up for the distance. Lexa couldn't fight back the soft growl that forced it's way up, and she took a step closer to Clarke's side.

"Cage," Clarke greeted tightly.

A twisted sort of smirk spread across his lips. "It's been so long, Clarke!" He tried to pull Clarke into a hug, but Clarke resisted, eyes darting to the side looking for an escape.

"It has been," she admitted.

Finally, Lexa seemed to have had enough. "Excuse me," she cut in, taking a small step in front of Clarke and making Cage release one of his hands from Clarke's arm. "Hi, I'm Lexa." She stuck her hand out for him to shake, her body tense in front of Clarke.

Clarke looked down to the ground, avoiding all eye contact.

Cage's cold gaze fell on Lexa and she had to fight off the instinct to scowl. "Hello, Lena," he purposefully misnamed her. "I'm speaking with Clarke here, so if you wouldn't mind." He tried to push Lexa out of the way, but she wouldn't budge.

"We're actually busy at the moment," Lexa bit out. Clarke looked up to find her glaring daggers at Cage, who was none-the-wiser as he returned to staring at Clarke. "So if you wouldn't mind letting her go, we'll be on our way."

"Clarke and I have some catching up to do, I think." Cage's grip tightened on Clarke's arm, and she winced at the pressure. And though Lexa was standing slightly in front of her, Lexa didn't miss Clarke's flinch.

Her hand shot up and took hold of Cage's forearm, her knuckles turning white with how tightly she gripped it. "You will take your hand off of her," she ground out, looking angrier than Clarke had ever seen her before.

Cage looked from his arm where Lexa was gripping him to Lexa and back again. "Who are you to tell me what to do?" he bit out.

Lexa, finally fed up with his handling of Clarke, pushing his hand off physically. " _I_ am her fiancé. And you will not touch her again."

Both Clarke and Cage jerked to look at Lexa, though their expressions were very different. Where Cage looked confused and enraged, Clarke looked shocked and amazed. Her shock quickly melted into a smile as she pressed into Lexa's side. Lexa wound her arm around Clarke's waist protectively, glaring at Cage all the while.

"Her _fiancé_?" He barked out a laugh. "I doubt that. I'm sure I would have heard if she was engaged."

"She just proposed," Clarke finally jumped in, looking up at Lexa as if she placed the stars in the sky just for her. And, in all honesty, she didn't have to fake the look at all.

Cage jutted his chin up in disdain. "Oh? Where's the ring then?"

Clarke stuttered over an answer, but Lexa cut in smoothly. "We were just on the way to pick it up." She pointed behind Cage to a small jewelry store. "Now, if you would be so kind, I would like to get my _fiancé_ her ring." She pulled Clarke's hand to her lips and pressed a kiss on her knuckles, eying Cage challengingly the whole time.

Lexa directed Clarke around Cage, but they didn't make it more than a step before Cage's hand was again gripping Clarke's arm. "Clarke, wait--" he began, but didn't get to finish. Lexa's fist to his nose cut him off, sending him flying down to the ground in a heap. He stared up at them while clutching his nose, expletives spilling out in a jumble.

"Do. Not. Touch. Her," Lexa ordered, glaring down at the man. She let go of Clarke and knelt down in front of him, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him closer to her. "If you so much as lay a finger on her again, you'll be much worse off than just a broken nose. Do I make myself clear?"

Cage, nodding frantically, sighed in relief when Lexa dropped his shirt, letting him fall back onto the ground.

"Shall we?" Lexa asked, holding her left hand out for Clarke to take. When she did, Lexa led them into the jewelry store she had pointed to, ignoring the whimpering man behind them and the small crowd that had gathered at the commotion. She brought them up to the counter and began looking at all the rings on display.

"Lex?" Clarke asked, looking between her still stoney expression and her flexing right hand.

Lexa took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment before looking to Clarke. "Yes, love?"

"What are you doing?" Clarke asked warily. She couldn't possibly be doing what Clarke thought she was. She had to be feigning just in case Cage was watching from outside. _Right?_

"I'm ring shopping. What does it look like I'm doing?" Lexa asked with a small grin. She went back to perusing the rings, waving over a salesperson moments later.

Clarke shook her head in disbelief. "Lexa, we're not engaged. You don't have to buy me a ring."

Lexa surreptitiously glanced out the window behind them before shrugging. "That doesn't mean I can't buy you a ring. A promise of an engagement to come."

Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand in her own before reaching across Lexa to grab her other hand that she was still flexing and releasing periodically. "You hurt you hand."

Lexa waved her off. "It's fine. We should both get one."

"A hurt hand?"

Lexa looked to her with a soft smile. She reached her hurt hand up and rubbed at Clarke's cheek with her thumb, smiling at her adoringly. "A ring, love. Excuse me," she directed at the salesperson who had finally made their way over. "We're looking for promise rings."

The woman's eyes lit up in excitement and she quickly ushered them to the side of the display case. "We have some over here that are specifically for that purpose. And can I just say, congratulations!" Clarke giggled at the woman's excitement for them. "I'll leave you two to browse. If you have any questions or want to see any of them up close, just let me know." And with that, she left them at the case by themselves.

"Are your serious about this, Lexa?" Clarke asked warily. "You don't have to go through with this just to prove something."

"Clarke," Lexa said, turning to face Clarke directly. She grabbed her other hand gingerly, trying to hide the obvious pain her hand was in. "We've already discussed getting married. And I know we're not ready for that step yet, but I can at least do this for you. I can promise you that I will marry you one day, and until that day comes, I am yours and you are mine in every way except through law. And when that day does eventually come, we'll make it official and it will be amazing. So why not show the world that we have each other right now?"

Clarke chewed on her lip in thought for a second before nodding slowly. "So you aren't just doing this because of Cage? You really, actually want to?"

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the Sun doth move: Doubt Truth to be a Lier, But never Doubt, I love." When Clarke just looked at her in slight awe, though still looking rather unconvinced, Lexa rolled her eyes and smiled lovingly. "No. I'm doing this because I love you and I want everyone to know that I love you. These rings will be ours and no one else's. We'll have them because _we_ want them. Anyway," Lexa grinned at her cheekily, "I have to admit that I was planning on buying some soon anyway. Cage just hurried the process along."

Clarke laughed and pulled Lexa into a quick kiss. "Well, when you put it that way, who am I to refuse?"

"Exactly." Lexa pressed another kiss to Clarke's lips before turning back to the display case. "Now let's pick out some rings."

They walked out of the shop thirty minutes later with matching rings and completely content smiles.

* * *

 

"So," Lexa began once they were back at the cabin, warm and cuddled up on the couch in the main area. "Are we going to talk about what happened?"

Clarke was admiring the ring on her finger, looking to the matching one on Lexa's with an excited smile every few seconds. They were simple - just carved bands, really - but they were beautiful all the same.

Her smile faltered when she realized what Lexa had asked.

Lexa's arm tightened around Clarke where she had it flung over Clarke's shoulders. She rubbed Clarke's upper arm calmingly.

Finally, Clarke let out a long breath. "There's not much to talk about."

"Clarke," Lexa warned. They both knew that was a blatant lie, and Clarke felt silly even trying to deflect like that.

"Okay, so maybe it isn't that simple."

"Better not have been. I did just punch a man for you," Lexa teased before placing a kiss to Clarke's temple.

Clarke leaned into the touch and reached for Lexa's right hand. "How is your hand feeling, by the way? Should I get you some ice?" She traced the bruises forming on Lexa's knuckles, making sure to not actually apply pressure to them and cause her any more pain.

Lexa shrugged. "Hurts." She pulled her hand away from Clarke so she would stop fussing over it. "Now explain. Please. Who is Cage Wallace to you?"

Clarke looked to the fire, avoiding meeting Lexa's searching gaze. " _He_ isn't anyone to me. He wanted to be, though. I told you before that his father, Dante Wallace, used to work with my father." She felt more than saw Lexa nod next to her. "Their company used to hold events. Extravagant parties for random occasions that they thought were necessary for whatever reason. I used to go with my dad. Mom would come when she could, but with work we never knew if she'd be there until the day of. So, there were some parties that only Dad and I went to.

"Dante used to bring his son to every single party. And Cage... took an interest in me early on. Dad didn't like it, of course, and I always thought he was a weasel of a boy. But, Dad couldn't be around all the time at the parties. And Cage took advantage of that. He somehow got it in his head that he and I were something more than just acquaintances who happened to be around the same age. He seemed to think he had a claim on me."

"I noticed," Lexa cut in, her grip on Clarke tightening slightly before loosening again. She nuzzled into Clarke's neck, wrapping her other arm around Clarke's waist and holding her to her.

"It went a bit further than just that, though. Dante was technically Dad's boss. So, Cage thought that he'd be able to get away with anything dealing with me, because if Dad put up any sort of a fuss about it, his father could fire him."

"Did he..." Lexa trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought out loud.

Clarke shook her head with a sad smile. "No. He didn't ever get up the guts to actually try anything more than ridiculously bad flirting before Dad died. And, after that, I obviously didn't go to the parties anymore. So, no more Cage Wallace to be bothered by."

"Do you think he would have ever tried more?"

"I have no doubt in my mind that if he ever got me alone at one of those parties, he would have eventually gotten up the courage to try to do much more. I didn't think that I'd ever run into him again, though."

Lexa scowled. "He apparently hasn't changed his mindset."

Clarke rubbed at her upper arm where she was sure a bruise was forming from his grip on her earlier that night. "No, apparently not." She shrugged her shoulder up to dislodge Lexa and get her to look up at her. "Good thing I had the big strong Commander there to protect me, huh?" She grinned and wound her arms around Lexa's waist.

Lexa chuckled and pressed a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "And you always will."

"Always?" Clarke asked, tucking her head under Lexa's chin. Lexa hugged her tighter and placed another kiss to her head.

"I will _always_ be with you, Clarke."

And they fell asleep there, tangled up on the couch, promises of forever echoing in their dreams.

* * *

 

"So, hold up one second," Raven demanded, cutting off Clarke as she described their trip to her friends. Clarke, Lexa, and Octavia all looked to Raven in confusion, waiting for her to explain her interruption. "You two," she pointed between Clarke and Lexa, "went off for a week long trip in the mountains to enjoy yourselves and just have a relaxing time. And you come back engaged?"

"We're not engaged, Rae," Clarke tried to explain once again.

Raven grabbed Clarke's left hand and held it up in front of Clarke's face, wiggling it around erratically. "This would say otherwise!"

"It's a promise ring," Lexa said, twirling her own ring on her finger. She seemed entirely disaffected by Raven's clear confusion and contrition at not knowing about this development as soon as it happened.

"It just kinda happened...?" Clarke tried, cringing a little at her own tone. Lexa squeezed her shoulders gently from where her arm was wrapped around Clarke.

" _Just kinda happened_ ," Raven mocked. "These things don't 'just kinda happen,' Clarke. They're planned out in advance."

Octavia pulled Raven back on the couch, making her sit back so she could see Lexa and Clarke more clearly. She shot her an annoyed glance before focusing on Clarke. "How did it 'just kinda happen'?"

"Well, we were out at that town with the cool old bookstore, and we were just walking around, enjoying ourselves. We were actually about to head out to get back to the cabin for... reasons." Lexa grinned smugly at that, earning a soft jab of Clarke's elbow to her ribs. "Anyway, guess who happened to be there for whatever reason." When both Octavia and Raven just shrugged in response, she continued. "Dante Wallace. And we all know that where he is--"

"Cage is, too," Octavia cut in. "Please tell me that asshole didn't actually approach you."

"We actually ran into him."

"Well, Clarke did. Quite literally," Lexa explained.

Clarke glared at her before continuing with the story. " _Anyway_ , during our attempted daring escape, we ran into him. He got a little handsy..."

Lexa scowled, and ran her hand over the still healing bruise on Clarke's arm. Raven and Octavia were now both looking at Clarke with concern.

"He didn't try anything, did he? He always was presumptuous like that," Raven asked, her own scowl forming. She and Octavia both knew all about Cage Wallace from Clarke complaining about him after the multiple parties she had attended with her father. And, from her description, they were very much anti-Cage, going so far as to offer to act as bodyguards for Clarke when she had to go to more parties.

Clarke shook her head. "Other than proving that his grip has strengthened over the years, he didn't get the chance. He did get a nice broken nose, though."

Lexa smirked smugly at that, quite proud of herself.

Octavia's jaw dropped as she took in Lexa's expression. "You did not."

"Oh, I definitely did. He wouldn't let her go, so I made him."

"Wow, Woods," Raven said, giving Lexa's shoulder a congratulatory pat. "Good job doing what neither Octavia nor I ever had the chance to."

"It was my pleasure," Lexa said, giving a mock bow.

Clarke rolled her eyes at the response. "We'll be lucky if he doesn't press charges."

"It was self-defense," Lexa argued, waving off Clarke's comment.

"He wasn't threatening you."

"He was threatening you. And by extension, me."

Clarke hummed. "And punching him was the appropriate response to that?"

Lexa shrugged and looked at her still bruised knuckles. "Nothing else seemed to get through his head. And it made him let go of you, didn't it?"

Clarke took Lexa's bruised hand in her own and placed a kiss on her knuckles. "Yes, it did."

Lexa's smug look melted into a soft smile as she and Clarke got lost in each other's eyes for a moment, lost to the world around them.

That is, until Raven so kindly snapped her fingers between them, bringing them back to the present. "That doesn't explain those." She pointed to their rings.

"Lexa told him I was her fiancé."

"So you did get engaged on your little vacation," Raven said.

Clarke shook her head. "No. That's just what he thinks. The rings were just to push the message across clearly."

"You spent hundreds of dollars on rings that mean nothing?" Octavia asked, eyebrow quirked in challenge.

Clarke played with her ring and chewed on her lip, trying to hide her smile. "Well, not nothing..."

"So you are engaged!" Raven exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and pointing at Lexa and Clarke. "Mamma G is going to be so mad that you didn't tell her first! In fact, _I'm_ mad that I didn't find out until now. I should have been the first call you made after the fact. After all we've been through, I'm forgotten just like that. Can you believe this, O. Not even a text to let us know."

Octavia pulled Raven back down onto the couch again, giving her another glare.

"They're promise rings," Lexa explained when Raven had finally stopped her rant. "Not engagement rings. Do you really think I'd buy Clarke an engagement ring out of the blue like that?" She took Clarke's left hand in her own, thumbing at her ring. "No, her engagement ring is going to be truly special."

"These are special," Clarke argued. Lexa lifted her hand to place a kiss on Clarke's ring finger.

"Yes." Lexa smiled up at her, placing another kiss to her hand. "But your engagement ring won't be a spur of the moment purchase. You deserve more than that."

Clarke lifted her free hand and ran her fingers through Lexa's hair, pushing some of it behind her ear. "You are far too endearing sometimes, you know that?"

Lexa winked at her and let their hands fall into her lap. "You love it."

"I love you."

"Oh my god, get a room!" Raven interrupted, throwing her hands over her eyes dramatically.

"Covering your eyes doesn't stop you from hearing them, Rae," Octavia said amusedly. She tugged on Raven's arms, trying to pull them down, but Raven held firm.

"No, but those tones lead to physical activities that I do _not_ want to be privy to. In fact..." She stood up and dragged Octavia up with her. "Let's go out. Maybe getting them out of the house and into public places will keep the heart-eyes to a minimum." She waited expectantly in front of Clarke and Lexa, motioning for them to stand as well.

"Rae, we just got home from a long drive. We'd really like to just stay in." Clarke sunk further into the couch to demonstrate her desire to not move unless absolutely necessary.

"We have to go set up our registry though. And, as maid-of-honor, you are obligated to join us."

"She does kind of have a point. We've put off signing up for registries long enough, and you did say you'd join us when we did," Octavia agreed.

Clarke groaned and curled into Lexa. "But comfort and warmth," she whined.

Raven grabbed Clarke's arms and pulled her off the couch, Clarke remaining as dead weight in an attempt to get Raven to let her go again. "Get off your ass, Griff. You have a job to do. And you just spent an entire week cuddled up to your ladylove."

"Not long enough," Clarke complained, looking back at Lexa.

Lexa, for her part, was watching on with an amused expression, and smiled brightly when Clarke met her eyes. "She does have a point, babe. You should go."

Clarke finally stood on her own, turning on Lexa quickly and grabbing her hands. "Oh, no. If I'm getting dragged out, you're coming, too. Get that cute butt up and suffer with me."

Lexa shook her head, but stood with little struggle. "You're the maid-of-honor. Not me."

"But you're the date of the maid-of-honor. The date-of-honor. And thus, you're obligated to help me in any and all maid-of-honor duties as requested." Clarke crossed her arms and stuck her chin up, daring Lexa to argue.

"Lexa, you're coming," Raven declared, walking out of the living room to go get her and Octavia's coats. "Dealing with grumpy Clarke is bad enough without having to deal with Lexa-deprived grumpy Clarke."

Octavia laughed and threw Lexa's and Clarke's recently removed coats at them. "Better do as she says. She's only bound to get grumpier the longer we delay the inevitable. And as much as she claims grumpy Clarke is the worst, she's pretty bad, too."

Clarke grumbled under her breath, but put her coat on. When both she and Lexa were ready to go, Lexa pulled Clarke into her arms and rested her hands on the small of Clarke's back. She swayed them back and forth with a small grin.

"Will you be joining Raven in her grumpiness?" She nudged her nose against Clarke's, placing a teasing kiss against the corner of her mouth.

Clarke stuck her lower lip out in a pout and crossed her arms between them. "And if I am?" she challenged.

"Well, if you don't..." Lexa said suggestively, trailing her lips across Clarke's jaw and to the spot just below her ear that she knew made Clarke's knees weak.

"I think I like what you're suggesting here, Woods," Clarke mumbled, unwinding her arms to grasp at Lexa's arms instead. She tilted her head to the side to allow Lexa more room.

A persistent tapping drew them apart, Raven standing in the entryway to the living room with an unamused expression, her arms crossed over her chest in annoyance. "If you two are finished, we have places to be."

Octavia grinned from behind Raven, mouthing _'Grumpy'_ over her shoulder before tugging on Raven's arm and turning her toward the door. "Come on, you two. Places to go and people to see," she called back as she ushered Raven out of the apartment.

With a dejected sigh and a longing look, Clarke disentangled herself from Lexa, instead grabbing her hand to lead her after their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! The week trip we've all been waiting for! It's short for a whole week, but I didn't want to bog it down too much. 
> 
> Also, if you haven't been or even heard of it, the book store that was mentioned here is called Moravian. It's really cool and definitely worth going to if you live in the Pennsylvania area. I think it's in Bethlehem, PA if I remember correctly. And the town it's in is also worth checking out. Very quaint and cozy, especially around Christmas. 
> 
> Have any of y'all heard of/been to any cool bookstores? I want to make a travel list of them and just go to every one I can before I'm either too old to or die or whatever. Because how cool would that be? A tour of bookstores around the world. Also, any other sorts of places that any of you would like to tour through? Baseball parks? Soccer fields? Concert venues? Museums? The wonders of the world? Let me know in the comments below because traveling is my shiz and I'm all about learning about new places to go to explore. 
> 
> As always, your comments/requests/kudos are my favorite things and I'll love you forever if you leave me some. To my serial commenters, thank you all so much. Your comments bring me great happiness. Also, to everyone who checked in with me after my "rough week" comment, thank you so much! You're all very sweet and I seriously appreciate your concern. All's better now (more or less), and hopefully the situations that make my weeks less than enjoyable will be taken care of soon. So if you'd send good vibes my way, that would be really cool. 
> 
> Come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you'd like. And let me know that you're from Ao3 so I can follow you back!


	48. Here With You Under These Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planning, scheming, and birthdays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now Lexa gets her turn to celebrate Clarke's birthday.

Clarke sat down heavily next to Lexa, a chair of her own having been placed permanently behind the front desk of the library. (The other employees were getting frustrated with having to move the library chairs back where they were supposed to be when Clarke would inevitably forget to move them back herself.)

Turning to her, Lexa leaned her elbow on the desk. "What's up, babe?" Lexa asked.

"My birthday's next month," Clarke said plainly. She watched Lexa for any reaction, expecting some indication that Lexa had something planned for them. Knowing Lexa, she probably did have something extravagant already planned. But, Clarke being Clarke, wanted to be prepared for whatever it was.

Lexa nodded, not giving anything away. "Astute observation."

Her girlfriend deserved the glare Clarke shot her for that. "Do we have plans?"

The corner of Lexa's mouth quirked up in amusement. "Well I never... Is the forever patient Clarke Griffin trying to snoop?" she teased smugly.

"The forever patient Clarke Griffin is asking point blank. Meaning she is not snooping. She would never stoop so low as to snoop." Clarke crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, chin tilted up proudly. She'd never admit that she was willing to stoop that low, and had already tried to get information out of Anya and Raven, both of whom she was sure Lexa would have confided in had she planned something complex. They, of course, both played ignorant and innocent, and Clarke was left even further in the dark than she already was.

"Oh, of course not. She also doesn't talk about herself in third person." Lexa shook her head fondly and turned back to her computer. "Yes, we have plans."

Clarke perked up at that, leaning forward once again toward Lexa. "What exactly would these plans be?" She put on her best pleading look, trying to get Lexa to cave. Because really, Lexa could never deny her big blue eyes.

"Telling you would ruin the surprise, don't you think?" Or not. Maybe she had to press a little harder this time.

" _Or_ ," Clarke pressed, stretching out the one syllable, "you could just tell me and I can help you plan it all out. Wouldn't that be much easier?" She smiled innocently up at her, tilting her head sweetly. She could pour on the charm. She totally had this.

" _Or_ ," Lexa repeated teasingly, "you can just be patient and let me take care of it. Speaking of which, why does your birthday fall so close to Valentine's day? That's just not fair."

Clarke smirked. "See? Even more pressure. Which is why you should let me in on what you're planning so I can help."

"I have help."

At that, Clarke had to admit that her interest was piqued. She _knew_ Anya and Raven had known something was up. "Oh? Who's helping you."

"People," Lexa evaded. She pulled up a document she needed to work on on the computer, trying to appear busy. But Clarke knew better. She knew her girlfriend was just trying to avoid answering Clarke's questions. She also knew that she could weasel it out of her if she tried hard enough.

"People such as..." she trailed off, hoping that Lexa would finish the sentence.

"Just people." Lexa turned again to Clarke, smiling knowingly at her. "I'm not telling you who, Clarke. As soon as I do, you'll be off trying to get information out of them."

Clarke pouted and slumped in her seat again. She twisted back and forth in the chair, looking forlornly at the floor. "But I can help..." Pout mode activated.

Lexa chuckled and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "Trust me to take care of this one. I've got everything under control."

* * *

 

"I have nothing under control," Lexa moaned, watching as a conglomeration of Clarke's and her own friends gathered in her living room, talking to each other boisterously. Well, mostly Clarke's friends. Her loud, obnoxious, overly energized friends that raided Lexa's kitchen as soon as they got there. She slumped at the dining room table, elbows on the surface and her face pressed into her hands.

"Now that's no way to celebrate your girlfriend's birthday," Anya prodded, jabbing Lexa with her elbow from where she sat beside her.

Lexa rolled her head to glare at her sister. "I thought asking for some help with the planning would be a good idea. I didn't realize Raven and Octavia would call in _everyone_ they knew."

Anya took a bite out of the apple she was eating, watching as the group gathered in their living room grew even rowdier. "You should have known better than to say they could talk to whoever they wanted, as long as Clarke wasn't involved. But hey, at least Clarke's mom isn't here."

"Oh my god, don't _say_ that. Raven might hear you and call her. And, as I said before, I didn't know she'd invite all of them along."

Anya only hummed in response.

With a sigh, Lexa pushed off the table and stood, preparing herself for the task ahead. Now that everyone was there, she had to round them up and get them all to calm down so she could explain her plan.

A task that was easier said than done.

"Enough!" Lexa yelled after several failed attempts to calmly get everyone to shut up and sit down. "I swear I will kick each and every one of you out of this apartment and into the snow." She glared at each of Clarke's friends until they hesitantly took their seats - some on the floor, some on the couch, and some on various other flat surfaces. "Thank you," she breathed out when they were all finally seated. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration and glanced over her shoulder to see Anya smirking smugly at her as she joined her in the living room.

"The Commander has entered the building," Anya sassed as she walked by Lexa, pushing Murphy off the couch to take his seat. Murphy glared at her, but took a seat on the floor instead of actually starting an argument about it. That was a miracle in and of itself.

_Be thankful for small favors_.

"Anyway," Lexa growled with a glare at Anya, "Clarke's birthday is next month."

"Please don't tell me you need help with her present _again_ ," Bellamy cut in from where he was leaning against the wall. "Because this is just pathetic."

Octavia pushed him roughly, making him almost fall over. Raven smirked at him from Octavia's other side. "Shut up, idiot," Octavia hissed.

"Thank you, Octavia. And if you would all _shut up_ long enough for me to explain, you'd know why you've all been gathered here."

"This is where she murders us all," Jasper mumbled under his breath to Monty, earning himself a death glare from Lexa that shut him up quickly. She was so not in the mood to put up with this shit today. And she wasn't below pulling out her glare to get them all to behave.

"Tempting," she muttered before straightening up to her full height. "I know what I'm doing for Clarke, but I need help gathering the supplies and getting in contact with everyone I need to touch base with. As some of you know, Clarke took me to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History for my birthday a couple of months ago."

"Boring," Jasper mumbled again. She was _so_ done with this.

Lexa clenched her teeth and moved to stand in front of Jasper, glaring down at him. "Get. Out."

Jasper's jaw dropped as he stared up at Lexa, wide-eyed. "W-what?" he stuttered out.

"Get out of my apartment. Now." She pointed to the door and waited impatiently for Jasper to get up and get out of the apartment. "Anyone else?" she growled, looking to each of the others gathered after Jasper had closed the door behind him. They all shook their heads, most looking slightly more than terrified of her. All except for Raven, Octavia, and Anya who seemed amused at the sequence of events.

"May I continue now?" Lexa asked, receiving quick nods of agreement. "Thank you. So, Clarke took me to the Smithsonian, during which time I learned that the last time she was there, her father had taken her to the National Gallery of Art. Do we all know the importance of that?" More nods answered the question, though they all appeared more solemn than before. "Without going into too much detail about what happened when he took her, Clarke had wanted from that day to have her art displayed in that gallery."

She watched as Raven's grin spread, as if she was just now learning of Lexa's plan. Of course, Lexa had already explained it to Raven, Octavia and Anya, in the hopes that they would be able to gather the necessary people needed to pull off what she wanted to do. Apparently that meant all of their friends.

Lexa should have known better.

"I'm not sure why each of you are here, but if I'm assuming correctly, you can each help me with what I'm planning. Raven, hopefully, has some inclination of each of your purposes." She waved to Raven, looking at her hopefully.

"Right you are, oh dear commander," Raven said, jumping up from the floor excitedly. She stood next to Lexa, her excitement palpable. "We each have a roll to play here. And now that Jasper's out, we need to adjust a little. But it's all good. Monty, you can take over his part as well." She pulled a folded up piece of paper out of her back pocket, unfolding it to reveal a paper that was much larger than Lexa thought possible. She pressed it out on the floor in the middle of the room and sat down, beckoning them all over to gather around her schematics. "And now the fun begins..."

* * *

 

Clarke gazed out of Lexa's car window, staring up at the buildings that they passed. "You know, when I said we should go to the National Mall more often, I didn't really think that we'd get out here again so quickly." Not that she was complaining. The snow covered city was a sight to see.

Lexa chuckled and squeezed Clarke's thigh where her right hand rested. "Ask and you shall receive, love." Her voice was lilting and teasing, and Clarke glanced over to her in question.

"Why are we coming back her already?" she asked curiously.

"For your birthday, of course."

"Is this going to become a tradition? Going to a different Smithsonian museum for every one of our birthdays?"

Lexa smirked at that, pulling into the parking lot. "Only if you want it to." She pulled into a spot and parked the car, getting out quickly to open Clarke's door for her. "If you would," she beckoned, holding out her hand for Clarke to take.

"Such a gentlewoman," Clarke teased.

"Only for you." She pulled Clarke's gloved hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it, staring into her eyes with complete adoration. "Shall we?"

"Lead the way."

It didn't take long for them to get to the right building (though Clarke may have slipped on some ice a couple of times), and Clarke looked up at the structure, confused. "Lex?" she asked simply.

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand in hers and pulled her toward the building. "I thought we could make some new memories today. Not to erase the old ones, but to commemorate them. You can show me all of your favorites."

Clarke's confusion was quickly pushed aside by a bright smile. She pulled Lexa to a stop at the top of the stairs and pressed a deep kiss to her lips. "You are the sweetest person I have ever met," she mumbled barely a breath away from Lexa's lips once they broke apart.

Taking a step back, Lexa smiled lovingly at Clarke. "Are you ready, then?"

With a quick nod of assent, Lexa took Clarke's hand again and led her into the National Gallery of Art.

* * *

 

After hours of wandering the winding halls of the museum, with Clarke telling stories about all of her favorite pieces, Lexa led Clarke back toward the entrance.

"I think we missed an exhibit," Lexa mused, staring at the museum guide in her hand. Clarke looked over her shoulder at the map, shaking her head as she went over all of the exhibits they went through.

"I don't think so, babe. We hit all of the ones listed."

Lexa shook her head, face scrunched in confusion (which was beyond endearing to Clarke). "No, we definitely missed one. It was in this area." She circled an area on the side of the museum encompassing multiple exhibits.

"We saw all of those, Lex." She was sure of it. They had gone through every hall, every room, that was open to the public.

Again, Lexa shook her head. She took Clarke's hand again and began leading her back to the side of the museum she thought they needed to go to. "I really think we missed one of them, Clarke. Can we just go check?"

"Alright," Clarke conceded, though slightly reluctantly. She was getting hungry, and really didn't want to walk much longer. She was actually really craving a hot drink and a nice sit down somewhere. All cuddled up with her girlfriend in a cafe, watching as people shuffled by with their winter coats and scarves. It sounded like the perfect way to spend the rest of the afternoon in her opinion.

But alas, she was letting Lexa drag her back to a section of the gallery that she _knew_ they had already covered on their first wandering of the halls. This was the day she planned, after all.

She sighed at the thought. Lexa's confused pout was just not something that she could say no to.

"See, Lex? We've already looked at all of these..." she trailed off as Lexa led her to a newly opened hall that she was sure was closed the first time they walked through.

Lexa smiled at her over her shoulder. "See?" she asked, pointing ahead of them at the hall. "We missed that one." People were wandering in and out of the side hall, all whispering excitedly about the art exhibited.

"That was definitely not open earlier. It's not even on the map!" Clarke argued, scrunching her face up in her own confusion now. There was no way Lexa would have known this was being opened up. She was sure there would have been an announcement made if it was a special exhibit.

Lexa just shrugged, coming to a stop outside of the hall. "Maybe it's a special exhibit. Either way, we missed it earlier, and I want to make sure you see everything the gallery has to offer. So, are you ready to explore this last bit with me?" she asked, looking at Clarke hopefully and with... excitement?

When Clarke nodded, Lexa pulled her into the room by the hand, a few steps in front of her. Clarke looked around the room as they entered, and came to an abrupt stop when she realized what she was seeing.

"Lex..." she breathed out, letting go of Lexa's hand to spin around and take in all the paintings on the walls. "These are..." She couldn't seem to get a full sentence out.

"Yours," Lexa finished for her.

There were other people already walking around the exhibit taking in the art on the walls. _Clarke's_ art on the walls. A couple of them turned curiously when they heard Lexa, but apparently decided to not interrupt the couple (thank god).

And Clarke stood, mouth agape, as she tried to understand what was happening.

"How...?" She turned to find Lexa standing behind her with a wide smile, hands shoved in her pockets almost bashfully.

"The man you sold them to was nice enough to let me borrow them. He was actually very excited to see them all together again." Lexa nodded to the one painting that Clarke had given her for her own birthday, on display at the end of the collection, just as it was supposed to be.

"But... Here?" Clarke asked, overwhelmed, confused, and so incredibly happy all at once. Her work. _Her work_. She was at the National Gallery of Art, looking at _her_ paintings on display for all to see.

Another shy shrug. "I had some favors to call in. Our friends helped a lot. The lights, the music, the set up... that was all them. Anya's contacts with the advertising firm definitely helped a lot, too." She paused and stared at Clarke, nervousness taking over her features. "Do you... Is this okay?" She chewed on her lip nervously, tugging her lower lip between her teeth.

Clarke took the steps needed to stand in front of Lexa before reaching up and running her thumb over Lexa's lip, getting her to release it. "This is... I don't have words to describe this, Lexa."

Lexa's smile shone brighter than the lights in the gallery as she took Clarke's hands in her own. "Well, why don't we go look around? I've heard from reliable sources that the artist is of great demand. They say she may have reason to expect more requests for work to display from galleries around the district."

"You're joking." There was just no way. She wasn't _that_ good.

Lexa shook her head. "Not at all. They opened this up a little after we came through. The response has been staggering. When I spoke to the curator earlier, he said that they may need to keep the exhibit up for longer than he had originally planned."

"When did you speak to him?" Clarke asked, confused. Lexa had been with her the entire day. There wasn't any time that she could have spoken to him.

"Yeah..." Lexa said sheepishly. "That call earlier wasn't actually from Anya." She grinned apologetically.

Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile, not believing that she didn't realize Lexa wasn't speaking to her sister. In her defense, though, she was distracted at the time by the newest exhibit in the museum.

Well... second newest now.

"He actually requested that the artist allow them to produce prints to sell in the souvenir shop," Lexa said casually as they walked slowly around the room. "I told him she'd probably be honored, but I'd have to speak with her first before I gave him an answer.

Clarke was watching a woman take in the darkest piece of the set, her memories creeping up on her, when she jerked back at what Lexa said. "Wait, what?"

Lexa grinned at her, clearly amused and incredibly proud. "They want to sell prints of your work, Clarke. The display is going to be up for at least a month now, with permission from the owners."

"You have to be kidding."

"I would never joke about something like this."

Clarke stared at her girlfriend, completely flabbergasted, for what could have been hours or minutes. She just couldn't get her mind to wrap around all of this. All of this, that her amazing girlfriend did for her. Her amazing, beautiful girlfriend that would do something so above and beyond anything she could have imagined, just for her. Her amazing girlfriend that was standing in front of her, looking a little nervous at her lack of response.

Without thinking, Clarke threw herself into Lexa's arms, winding her own arms around Lexa's shoulders and burying her face in the crook of her neck. She knew the tears were coming, but she couldn't find it within herself to care. This amazing woman, _her girlfriend_ , had done all of this for her, and she still couldn't wrap her mind around it.

Lexa's arms wound around Clarke's waist, holding them together. She pressed a lingering kiss to Clarke's temple, breathing steadily against Clarke's own erratic, shuddering breaths. When Clarke got her breathing back under control, her tears slowing, Lexa tilted her head, lips hovering beside Clarke's ear.

"Your dad was right, Clarke," she whispered, and Clarke's tears began anew. "Your art is _here_. Right now. And _you_ are amazing."

And there, surrounded by people looking at _her_ art, Clarke clung to Lexa, no more words needed between them.

* * *

 

"Have I told you today that I love you?" Clarke asked, walking in front of Lexa with her arms spread out to her side, hands holding Lexa's hands as she walked right behind her.

Lexa hummed and Clarke just knew she was smiling that small, content smile that warmed her from the inside out. "You may have mentioned it once or twice."

"It's worth repeating." Shrugging, Clarke let their arms fall and came to a stop, instead wrapping their arms around her waist so that Lexa was holding her against her chest. "I love you. In case you missed it that time." She smirked when she felt Lexa chuckling against her.

"I love you too, Clarke." The words were whispered ardently, her breath tickling Clarke's ear.

Clarke swayed them slowly, watching the sun set over the reflecting pool as evening truly set in. The temperature had dropped even further, and the sky had opened up to allow a flurry of snowflakes to fall on them. It really was the perfect birthday.

"Are you ready for your present?" Lexa mumbled after they had stood there for many moments of silence. Clarke scoffed and turned in her arms.

"Lexa Woods, please tell me you did not get me something else on top of all that." She motioned to the gallery that they had left earlier in the evening.

Lexa shrugged, smiling innocently. "Would you be upset if I said I did?"

Clarke rolled her eyes, tangling the fingers of her gloved hand in Lexa's hair and scratching at her scalp gently. "Of course you did. Do I need to prepare emotionally for this one?" she teased.

With a soft smile, Lexa shook her head. "No, Clarke. I think you'll manage just fine."

"Alright," Clarke huffed, standing up straighter but making sure to keep close to Lexa. "Let me see what else my doting, loving girlfriend got me."

"Well, part of it you'll see in a couple of days." She cringed when Clarke slapped her arm lightly.

" _Part_ of it? Come on, Lex."

"You couldn't have expected me to not order the first prints of your work for you. The very first copies. They're only printing a limited quantity, and I had to make sure we had a set."

"Love, you own one of the real pieces."

Lexa shrugged sheepishly. "For posterity's sake. To remember the first time that your art was displayed in the National Gallery of Art."

"You act as if this will happen again."

"With how talented you are, I'd be surprised if it didn't."

Clarke quirked an eyebrow. "You do remember that I'm studying to become a doctor, right? Not an artist?"

"Doctor by work. Artist by talent. You are what you are, Clarke."

Clarke chuckled, but accepted what Lexa had said. She knew she wouldn't really have time to finish a lot of commissions or even work on personal pieces once med school started up. But she'd let Lexa keep believing in her if it made her happy. "Alright, love. If you say so." She kissed the corner of Lexa's mouth tenderly. "So what's the other part?"

"Other than how much I intend to pamper you when we get home?" Lexa teased temptingly. "This." She dug into her jacket pocket and pulled out a small wrapped gift. "It's not much, but I thought you might like it."

"I'm sure it's perfect." Clarke smiled and took the gift in her hands, Lexa's arms still around her. She unwrapped it between them, both of them looking down as her hands fumbled with the paper.

Lexa laughed softly as Clarke cursed under her breath. "It's not that complicated, Clarke."

"Did you use enough tape on it?" Clarke snapped back, her smile belying any true frustration. Lexa just nudged Clarke's forehead with her own playfully in response. "Finally," she grumbled when she pulled a piece of paper free of tape, eliciting another laugh from Lexa.

She pulled out a strip of leather, less than an inch wide, with numbers stamped into its surface and strings at the ends. She quirked her head in confusion, thumb tracing over the numbers. "Lex?" A soft smile greeted her when she looked up.

"They're dates. The first time we met. Our first date. When we made us official. Our first 'I love you'. Our first road trip together. The day I gave you your ring. And today - the first time you were featured in a nationally renowned art gallery." She pointed to each set of numbers as she listed them off, ending not even a quarter of the way down the strip. "I wanted to leave room to add more. Because I plan to meet a hundred more milestones with you."

"I think we'll run out of room."

Lexa just shrugged, taking the leather out of Clarke's hands. "Then we'll get another. May I?" She asked, tugging the right sleeve of Clarke's coat. Clarke nodded, watching as Lexa pushed her sleeve up to tie the leather onto her wrist. "There. I was worried it might have been too big."

Clarke shook her head before pulling Lexa into a quick kiss. "It's perfect. I love it. I love _you_."

Lexa's smile would forever be Clarke's favorite sight. "I love you too, Clarke. Happy birthday."

Clarke pressed into Lexa again, closing the small space between their smiling lips. Arms tossed around Lexa's shoulders, Clarke completely forgot about the cold, instead losing herself in the warmth that was Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The ever thoughtful and rather amazing Lexa at it again with basically sweeping Clarke off her feet over and over again. Who could as for more, am I right?
> 
> Side note, I'm going to be moving soon!! It's very exciting and is going to be a really good change for me. But I'm not sure what it's going to do to my updating schedule. I promise to still have at least one up a week, but the day may change for a couple of weeks. So if you don't have notifications on for this fic, I'd suggest you do that if you want to know when it updates right away. Up to you, though!
> 
> As always, I love your comments/requests/kudos so much. And thank you all for your amazing recommendations of places to go for me!! My list is growing and it's fantastic. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv


	49. Your Lipstick Stain is a Work of Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's plans, a little history, and a night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter!! Sweet and charming, so enjoy.

To be quite honest, the winter holidays were never Lexa's favorite time of year. Everything was pushed together, one event after the next, and she always felt slightly overwhelmed by it all.

Not to mention the last few years just highlighted how single she was at the time. Spending Valentine's Day with your sister was probably the lamest excuse for a celebration that she had ever heard of. But, who really needed an entire day to emphasize their love for their significant other? Shouldn't people show their love every day of the year?

And thus, Singles Awareness Day was made in the absence of any type of love life for herself or Anya (though Anya did tend to have many flings throughout the year, she never settled down. Lexa honestly wasn't sure if she ever would).

This year, of course, was quite different than the previous few. And, having been a few years since dating Costia, she was out of practice. What did one even do for Valentine's Day anymore?

Pamper their significant others, of course.

"Love, can you give me a hand with this, please?" Clarke called from her art studio in Lexa's apartment. Lexa stood from the couch, tossing her manuscript to the side to go assist her girlfriend instead. It wasn't like she could actually focus on editing anyway with her thoughts swirling away from her as they were.

She poked her head into the room to find Clarke eying a large canvas that was leaning against the wall, wet paint slowly drying. "What do you need?"

"I need to move this monstrosity," she pointed to the canvas in front of her, "over to that easel."

"And why are we moving it while it's wet?"

"Because I need to mix some of the designs before it dries. I can't pick it up by myself, though. Not while it's wet and not if I prefer keeping the paint on the canvas and not on me."

Lexa quirked a brow at her. "Why is it on the floor to begin with?"

"I was sitting on the floor while painting, obviously," she explained with an exasperated eye roll. "Why else would it be on the floor?"

"Fair. You do have a stool by the easel, though." Lexa made her way over to Clarke, looking the painting over. "I love this," she said, reaching toward the painting but stopping short when she remembered the wet paint. Before her was the silhouette of a forest, the dark trees outlined on a glorious night sky. Even without being completely finished, the painting was beautiful. And Lexa was in awe of Clarke's talent.

Clarke laughed and moved to grab one side of the painting, keeping her fingers from touching the front of the canvas. "You say that about all of my paintings."

With a cheeky smile, Lexa mirrored Clarke, grabbing the other side of the canvas. "That's because I love all of your paintings."

"What about the one of my naked ex?"

Lexa almost dropped her side of the canvas. "Excuse me?"

Clarke burst out laughing, setting the canvas down on the easel before she dropped it. "Oh my god. Your face." Lexa glared at her. If Clarke actually had something like that...

Clarke cooed and tried to wrap her arms around Lexa, but Lexa nudged her off. "No."

"Babe," Clarke called, again trying to embrace Lexa.

Lexa crossed her arms and turned away from Clarke abruptly, chin tilted up in defiance.

"You know I was kidding. Don't be like that."

Shooting another glare at Clarke out of the corner of her eye, Lexa refused to back down. If Clarke wanted to play dirty like that, she'd rise to the occasion.

All was silent while Clarke contemplated her next move.

And then, "You know..." Clarke offered, inching toward Lexa nonchalantly. "If you're jealous I could maybe paint you. Sprawled out on our bed. Eager and waiting for something..." she wrapped her arms around Lexa from behind, pressing her chest into Lexa's back, " _so_ satisfying." Licking her lips, Clarke hummed in pleasure. "I'd love to paint that."

"Would you?" Lexa asked, and if her voice was breathier than she had intended, she couldn't be blamed for it. With Clarke pressed to her back, her hands wandering slowly over Lexa, she couldn't be expected to maintain complete composure.

"Or," Clarke continued, her lips trailing up Lexa's bare neck, exposed by her hair being pulled up in a messy bun. "We can do something a little more... intimate."

"What could be more intimate than that?"

"Do you trust me?"

Lexa nodded, gasping when Clarke started lifting her shirt. She raised her arms when Clarke nudged her to, letting Clarke take her shirt off completely. Clarke plucked at the waistband of Lexa's jeans, muttering a quick "Off" which Lexa complied to quickly.

Soon enough, Clarke had removed Lexa's underwear and bra as well, her lust-darkened eyes raking over her girlfriend hungrily. "And while I would love to do many other things to that beautiful body..." Clarke reached forward and grabbed Lexa's hips, spinning her around quickly, "I'm going to have to ask you to lay down instead. On your stomach."

Lexa did as Clarke directed, laying down on the tarp draped floor and resting her head in her arms. "And now?" she asked quietly, watching Clarke as she moved around the room, gathering materials.

"Now," Clarke explained, setting all of her gathered paints and brushes down beside Lexa's prone form, "you sit still and let me work."

The next thing Lexa knew, Clarke was straddling her hips and running her soft (so soft that Lexa could barely comprehend it) hands over Lexa's bare back. Lexa moaned as Clarke started kneading at the tense muscles of her shoulders, moving to her upper back where she worked out the knots there.

"A massage?" Lexa asked, sounding completely content even in her confusion.

Clarke hummed, working on a particularly tight knot. "Just to get you to relax. And then we'll begin."

Lexa found herself dozing in the capable hands of her girlfriend, happy to let Clarke do whatever she wanted with her. After all, if whatever she had planned started with a massage, it couldn't be that bad, could it?

She felt Clarke lean down over her, the fabric of her loose shirt skimming over Lexa's back and making her shiver. Though, not as much as Clarke's breath dancing across her ear as she whispered, "This may be a bit cold." Lexa just nodded, completely relaxed under Clarke.

That is, until she felt a cold blob of something drip onto the middle of her back.

"Clarke!" she shouted, tensing up suddenly.

Clarke leaned back over her again, pressing into her shoulders gently. "Shh," she cooed. "Don't ruin all my hard work relaxing you. It's just paint. Calm down," she chuckled.

"You could have warned me, you know," Lexa grumbled, pouting as she tilted her head to look back at Clarke as much as she could.

Clarke's grin was on clear display. "I told you it might be cold."

"You said nothing about cold, wet paint."

Clarke chuckled as she trailed a clean brush over part of Lexa's back, eliciting goosebumps in its wake. "Honestly, Lex. What did you expect?"

Lexa humphed and turned her head back to look forward, pouting all the while. "Not that, that's for sure," she grumbled under her breath.

That earned her another laugh while Clarke trailed her brush through the paint she had poured onto Lexa's back. "I'm sorry, baby. I'll give you proper warning next time. But for now, hold still." She pressed a kiss to the back of Lexa's shoulder, her brush lifting from Lexa's back for a moment. "Can you do that for me, please?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." Lexa conceded, relaxing as the paint warmed up against her skin.

Lexa learned that day that Clarke hummed while she painted. It wasn't always a specific song. Sometimes just little bits of melodies, and sometimes very clearly just Clarke's mind wandering off and making tunes of its own.

Lexa also learned that day that Clarke's voice, whether she was humming, singing, laughing or speaking, was her favorite sound in the entire world. Her gentle humming soothed Lexa even more than the massage had, and she soon found herself somewhere between awake and asleep, her breathing evened out and her mind blank of everything but Clarke's humming.

She didn't know how much time had passed. She honestly didn't care, either. Her entire life could have passed her by and she would have been none-the-wiser with Clarke's hands brushing over her back and Clarke's voice echoing in her ears.

Clarke moved off of her at some point, her brush traveling down her hips and the length of her legs, dragging her designs out over all of Lexa's exposed skin.

Some time later, Clarke's gentle blowing over her back drew her out of her daze.

"There," Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear. "Now sit still while it dries. I'll be right back.

Lexa only hummed her acquiescence, hearing Clarke rise and gather her brushes before leaving the room. She heard the sink in the bathroom running for a few minutes before cutting off, Clarke's footsteps trailing through the hall and back into the art studio.

"You might be there for a while," Clarke admitted, humor evident in her tone as she looked down on Lexa, still sprawled out on the floor.

"How long is a while, exactly?" She totally wasn't pouting because she couldn't see what Clarke had painted along her body. Not at all. Lexa Woods didn't _pout_.

"Quit pouting," Clarke laughed, coming to sit down in front of Lexa, legs crossed and elbows on her knees so she could lean down and be closer to eye level. Lexa looked up at her and stuck her tongue out. "Mature."

"Can you at least take a picture of it so I can see it?" Lexa asked, starting to squirm a little as the paint began to dry to her skin.

Clarke nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket. "I will if you stop squirming." She got up on her knees and leaned slightly over Lexa's head, getting a good angle to take the picture. "There," she said, handing the phone over to Lexa so she could look at the picture.

And Lexa was stunned into complete silence, her jaw dropping and eyes widening as she took in the piece of art that Clarke created on the back of her body.

"Do you like it?" Clarke asked after a few moments of Lexa staring in awe. Without looking away from the phone, Lexa nodded. She was absolutely entranced with the patterns that Clarke had painted down her back. A galaxy of colors and swirls, blues and purples and greens mixing together with sparks of lighter colors throughout. And all bound together with a simple black pattern down the center of her back, from just below her neck to the base of her spine.

"This is beautiful, Clarke," Lexa mumbled, finally looking away from the phone and up at Clarke. "Can you get a straight on picture of it? Maybe sketch it out on paper as well?" Her mind was running wild with possibilities. She couldn't just let this work of art be washed away when she took her next shower. She wanted to immortalized it (as well as a human could immortalize something, that is). She needed to keep it with her always. At least, part of it.

Clarke looked at her, confused. "Yeah, I can do that. Is there a reason, though?"

Lexa rested her chin on her hands, grinning up at Clarke. "I'm thinking that this would make a wonderful tattoo."

Clarke's jaw dropped. "You're joking. There's no way you're getting your entire back side tattooed with this."

With a laugh, Lexa shook her head. "Oh no. Not the whole thing. That would take forever to get finished. I was thinking the black design down my spine. That's the central piece anyway, isn't it?"

Clarke nodded and stood to take the picture that Lexa requested, grabbing a piece of paper and pen before sitting back down in front of her. "Just the black design, then?" she asked, putting pen to paper.

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, watching Clarke get to work sketching out her design. "Valentine's day is coming up," she said, broaching the topic she had been thinking about earlier. She chewed on her lip as Clarke continued sketching with only a hum of affirmation. "Is there anything in particular you'd like to do?"

Clarke's face scrunched up as she held her sketch up, looking between it and the painting on Lexa's back. She shook her head and put the paper back down on the floor, hunching over it again with renewed focus. "Not particularly. As long as I'm spending the day with you, I'll be happy."

"Sounds like a trap," Lexa joked, smirking up at her girlfriend.

Clarke grinned and stuck her tongue out at Lexa teasingly. "Not a trap. I honestly just want to spend the day with you. We can do whatever you'd like."

Lexa hummed, thinking of something that they could do together. "Well, it's too cold to do anything outside."

"Very true."

"Which limits our options."

"There's plenty to do indoors. We don't even have to go anywhere, Lex. Movie marathon, maybe?" Clarke offered, placing her pen down with a content smile after finally getting her sketch to match her painting to her satisfaction.

"We can have one of those any day, though. Don't you think it should be something special?"

Clarke gave a brief shrug before moving so that she was laying on her stomach in front of Lexa, their faces inches apart. "Every day with you is special."

Lexa tilted her chin up, asking silently for a kiss to which Clarke obliged willingly. "You're a sap," she teased when they broke apart.

"I may be a sap, but it's true. I don't care if we just sit around one of our apartments doing nothing. I just want to spend the day together."

Lexa, for all her lack of recent experience with Valentine's Day, knew that just sitting around the apartment wouldn't suffice. She needed to go all out for Clarke. Make their first Valentine's Day together really memorable.

Clarke reached forward and smoothed the crease that had formed between Lexa's brows. "You're thinking too hard, Lex. Care to share?"

"Let's do something we'd never do any other time. Something that we never even really considered doing before."

Clarke looked intrigued. "Such as?"

"How about, Valentine's morning we go out shopping, just me and you. We can go buy ridiculously overpriced dresses that look like they belong in a speakeasy from the twenties."

"Classy."

"It was a classy time."

Clarke laughed. "Alright, and then what?"

"Then, let's go to a lounge. Or maybe even find one of those old speakeasies that are still hanging in there. We go back in time, back to an era of jazz and romance and moving with whatever felt right. We'll let the night take us away."

Clarke scooted forward, resting her forehead on Lexa's. "And you called me a sap. You're such a romantic."

Lexa shrugged to the best of her ability, feeling the paint that had dried on her shoulders crack with the movement. "What can I say? You bring out the best in me."

"Hm. Maybe. Do you even know where we could find a lounge or speakeasy?"

Lexa grinned broadly, her cheeks hurting with how wide her smile was. "I can find one. How does that sound?"

Clarke pressed another brief kiss to Lexa's lips, barely more than a brushing of lips. "I think it's a great idea. It sounds like the perfect Valentine's Day."

"Fantastic," Lexa said, still smiling widely. "Now..." She tried to glance over her shoulder, feeling more paint crack against her skin. "Can I move yet?"

"Nope," Clarke said cheekily. "I like you just the way you are."

* * *

 

"Oh my god, that's a great idea," Octavia exclaimed, grasping Raven's arm beside her. The four of them, Clarke, Lexa, Raven, and Octavia had all gathered for dinner and were actually sitting at the dinner table (surprisingly). And, when Clarke told the engaged couple their plans for Valentine's Day, Octavia's eyes lit up with excitement. "Babe, let's do that too. It'd be fun!" She turned to Raven expectantly, finding her fiancé looking less than eager.

"You guys are definitely invited to come!" Clarke joined in on Octavia's excitement, turning to Lexa. "Right, love?"

"As long as we still get the morning out alone together, I don't mind." Lexa smiled at Clarke, her heart skipping a beat at Clarke's excitement.

Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek happily, her lips lingering as she whispered to Lexa, "The night, too. Just me and you, alright?"

Lexa swallowed thickly and nodded, her mind clearly running wild with the possibilities that presented.

Clarke turned back to her friends. "So it's settled. You two can join us at the lounge."

"Right," Raven agreed, seemingly completely unenthused with the prospect. But, when she looked to Octavia, her expression melted into a soft smile that was reserved only for her fiancé. "You want to?" she asked her.

Octavia nodded excitedly. "It'd be fun, Rae. We can get all dressed up like flappers and just go have a night out. With the wedding next month, I feel like we haven't had any time out just enjoying ourselves recently."

Raven nodded in agreement. "That is very true. And it is Valentine's Day..." she trailed off in thought.

"And we couldn't figure out what we wanted to do anyway. So this takes the pressure off."

"And I already have a dress," Raven conceded, looking a little more happy with the arrangement. The other three stared at her, admittedly surprised by her revelation. "What?" Raven asked in confusion.

"You just happen to have a 1920's dress lying around the apartment?" Clarke asked. She hadn't seen anything like that around the apartment before, and she was pretty sure she'd remember something like that.

Raven crossed her arms over her chest and sunk in her chair, looking pensively off to the distance. "It was a dark time."

"When was a dark time?" Octavia asked, clearly trying to figure out what in the world Raven was talking about.

"Fall, three years ago," Raven said solemnly.

"Ah. The break," Clarke concluded, nodding sagely.

Raven shook her head. "The break-up."

"We took a break, Raven," Octavia argued, rolling her eyes fondly. This was an argument the two of them had had multiple times, Raven always overdramatizing the situation in a way that only she could.

Raven leaned forward, looking straight at Lexa with her arms on the table. "She broke up with me. Broke my heart," she explained, as if confiding the most serious of details to a judge. Lexa nodded her head in understanding, her lip twitching the only indication that she was trying to fight off a smile at Raven's dramatics.

"Sounds like a very dark time," Lexa prodded.

"Oh, it was." She shushed Octavia when she tried to cut in. "While I was completely crushed, lost in my sorrow, I came to the conclusion that I needed to drown it all out."

"The logical conclusion," Lexa agreed. Clarke rolled her eyes at her girlfriend egging Raven on.

"It was mutual!" Octavia argued, shocked that Lexa seemed to be taking Raven's side.

Raven waved her off and leaned across the table so she could drop her voice to a stage whisper. "I was all alone. I didn't know what to do. So logically..." she trailed off and leaned back, waving her hand out in front of her as if that explained it all.

Lexa, for her part, leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, nodding her head in complete understanding. "A speakeasy."

"Exactly."

"Wait, what?" Clarke cut in, looking between her girlfriend and best friend across from her. She had no idea how Lexa had come to that conclusion as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world.

"My heart was broken and I needed to get out. So I pampered myself, got dolled up like a flapper from the twenties, and found a speakeasy. It's remarkable how welcoming the people there are," Raven explained.

"Where was I?" Clarke asked.

Raven shrugged noncommittally. "Off galavanting with the latest and greatest. I think it was... Niylah at the time?" She scratched her chin in thought. "Yeah, definitely Niylah."

"She was enough to distract you from your hurting friend?" Lexa asked, turning to Clarke and looking insulted for Raven.

Clarke shrugged, playing along. "She had a nice ass."

"You got dropped for a nice ass," Octavia teased Raven, nudging her shoulder with a smirk.

"I would have accepted no other reason," Raven said seriously. "Now hush, woman. I'm retelling my tale of heartbreak."

"It was _mutual_ ," Octavia reiterated, groaning when Raven seemed to just amp up for more.

" _As I was saying_ ," Raven said loudly, drawing everyone's attention back to her. "My heart was torn out and I went out to splurge and find comfort in the arms of whisky and jazz. Thus, I have a dress," she concluded.

Lexa reached across the table, putting her hand on Raven's arm in consolation. "I'm sorry for your pain, Raven."

"It was a very difficult time." Raven sniffed, acting as if she was holding back tears.

"Oh my _god_ ," Octavia groaned, pushing Lexa's hand off of Raven's arm. "It was fucking _mutual_! You're actually the one who suggested it!" She pointed at Raven accusingly.

"Semantics," Raven brushed off. "The point is, Octavia broke my heart and the flappers took me in."

Octavia quirked an eyebrow at her. "Oh they did, did they?"

Raven nodded, fighting off a smirk. "They're very understanding. And very warm."

"And you know this how exactly?"

"Oh here we go," Clarke mumbled under her breath, earning a soft chuckle from Lexa.

Raven shrugged nonchalantly. "When they heard of my strife, many of them were more than willing to comfort a poor, broken girl, left out on the streets in the cold."

"We weren't even living together."

"The apartment reminded me of you."

"So you ran into the arms of other women."

Raven nodded succinctly. "The very welcoming arms of other women."

"While we were on a break," Octavia deadpanned. Her blank look was slightly disconcerting.

"Mhm. I think the bar is still open, actually. We should go there."

"Oh no we should _not_ ," Octavia protested. "As if I'd want to go back to where the women _oh so kindly_ welcomed you into their arms."

Raven bit her lip, trying to hide her pleasure at seeing Octavia jealous. Clarke rolled her eyes at the sight, knowing her best friend well enough to know she was incredibly pleased with herself at getting Octavia in such a state.

"I don't know..." Lexa chimed in, sounding thoughtful. She looked to Clarke, her expression pensive. "I think if Clarke had experienced that, and the opportunity presented itself, I would definitely go to the same place."

"And why's that?" Clarke asked, her smile teasing.

Lexa smiled almost predatorily. "To show them whose arms you belong in." She wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulders and pulled her closer so they were pressed side to side. Tilting Clarke's chin up so that their lips were a hair's breadth apart, Lexa continued. "To show them that you're mine."

Clarke couldn't fight off the shiver that rolled up her spine at Lexa's tone. She pressed their lips together, groaning quietly when Lexa took control of the kiss. With difficulty, she pulled away, gathering herself as best she could.

Octavia hummed across from them, seeming to take Lexa's words to heart. "That's a really good point." She looked to Raven and eyed her up and down, taking in her form fully. "Maybe we should go there..."

Raven just shrugged, trying to act unaffected by leaning back in her chair and pushing her hands into her pockets. And in that one movement, Clarke knew that her cunning friend had planned this all along.

Oh, how their plans just got much more interesting.

* * *

 

 

Clarke's appreciative (and yet slightly annoyed) moan was the first sign to Lexa that her girlfriend was waking up. The second was Clarke's tangling of her fingers in Lexa's hair has Lexa ghosted her lips across the skin of Clarke's neck.

"Clarke, it's time to get up," Lexa said softly against Clarke's neck. She was pleased to see the goosebumps rise across Clarke's neck and chest as her breath drifted across Clarke's skin.

"Mmm. Five more minutes," Clarke mumbled, her fingers holding Lexa in place as she started sucking and nipping at the skin at the juncture of Clarke's neck and shoulder.

Lexa chuckled breathily. "Five more minutes of this, or five more minutes of sleep?" she asked teasingly.

"This. Then sleep."

Lexa propped herself up on her elbows, looking down at Clarke sprawled beneath her. "I don't know if I should be insulted or proud that you think you could go back to sleep right after all this."

Cupping the back of Lexa's neck, Clarke tried to pull her back down again. "Use that mouth right and I'll have to."

"Is that a challenge?" Lexa asked, quirking her brow.

Clarke hummed. "Take it as you will. Are you going to just keep this hypothetical?"

"A practical experiment may be beneficial in this situation."

"Ya think?" Clarke asked, still trying to pull Lexa back down to her.

Lexa laughed. "Unfortunately," she leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Clarke's lips, earning a frustrated groan when she pulled back just as quickly, "we really need to get up."

"Do we actually _need_ to, or is your need to have everything scheduled to the minute taking over?" Clarke challenged. She crossed her arms between them, glaring up at Lexa after finally giving up on getting her to go back to her earlier task.

"You love when I take control."

"Not in this case. I'd much prefer you bend to my every whim right now."

Lexa shook her head with a small smile. "Not gonna happen, love. We have places to be and things to see."

Clarke groaned again. "Lex, it's seven on a day that neither of us have work or class. Can't we just have a lazy morning in bed?"

"Ah-ah," Lexa chided, smirking when Clarke pouted up at her. "It's not only a day where neither of us have responsibilities. It's also Valentine's Day."

"All the more reason to stay in bed for the morning. I can think of some much more pleasurable things to do than face the cold outside of this bed."

Lexa kissed Clarke's nose, noting Clarke attempting to keep her smile pushed back. "Do you not remember our plans for today?'

Clarke sighed and let her shoulders droop. "Of course I remember them. But they require getting out of bed, which sounds like the worst idea ever right now."

"Alright, how about this," Lexa offered, pressing a kiss to Clarke's cheek. "We get up," she kissed Clarke's other cheek, Clarke's eyes drifting closed at the soft caresses. "Get a shower," a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "Then we go find somewhere to get breakfast," another to Clarke's jaw. "I pamper you with a morning of shopping," one to the other side of her jaw, letting her lips drag across her jawline until they were hovering just above Clarke's lips. She let her lip barely brush against Clarke's, dragging over Clarke's upper lip. "And when we get home, we can have some fun before Raven and Octavia show up."

"That's..." Clarke started, pausing to lift her lips to press against Lexa's more firmly, "not the worst idea I've ever heard."

"Not the worst, huh?" Lexa teased, brushing her nose against Clarke's.

Clarke hummed her agreement. "Could use some modification."

Lexa smiled as she pressed another brief kiss to Clarke's lips. "Oh? Like maybe taking a _long_ shower?" Lexa said temptingly. "And even more pampering. Maybe even a little extra time spent in the dressing rooms. Do you think you can be discrete, Clarke?" she asked, clicking distinctly on the 'k'.

Clarke shivered under her, her speech breathier than expected. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

This time, Lexa hummed in response, pressing a lingering kiss to Clarke's lips before sitting up and hopping off the bed. "Only one way to find out, love." She looked over her shoulder to find Clarke gaping up at her from where she was still sprawled on the bed. "Are you going to join me?"

 _That_ certainly seemed to get Clarke moving.

* * *

 

"Clarke, love, we can only take six in at a time," Lexa warned, tone softened by a soft chuckle and warm smile. "How many do you even have there?"

Clarke flipped through a few more dresses on the rack, adding another to the pile draped over her arm. "Six each. So twelve. And I only have eight right now." She threw one more over her arm. "Nine."

Lexa rolled her eyes, laughing. "Why do you need to try so many?"

"I have to find the perfect one, Lex. What about you? You haven't tried on any yet."

Lexa shrugged and flipped through a few of the dresses, looking each over before passing them up quickly. "I want to make sure it goes with whatever you choose." She pulled a dress off the rack and held it up between herself and Clarke. Finally, she handed it to Clarke, who was eying it skeptically. "This one."

"That's not going to look good at all," Clarke argued, looking at the dress that Lexa had added to the pile draped over her arm.

"Humor me."

Having finished going through the rack, Clarke just shrugged and turned toward the dressing rooms. "Alright, let's go." She reached out to grab Lexa's hand and led her to the dressing rooms.

The attendant looked at the pile on Clarke's arm before asking for the count. "Five for each of us." Clarke leaned in conspiratorially, stage whispering. "I, ever the chivalrous one, offered to carry them for her highness."

The attendant looked at Lexa and laughed at her mock-offended look. "Alright. If you say so. Go right on in." She waved them through after giving them each a number card.

"See?" Clarke asked as they walked back to pick a stall. "No problems at all."

"The 'chivalrous one'?" Lexa asked, imitating Clarke's voice. She let Clarke lead her into one of the larger stalls, waiting until Clarke had deposited all of the dresses to spin her around so they were facing each other. "I'll have you know that I am incredibly chivalrous." She wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist, humming as Clarke wound her arms around Lexa's neck and started swaying them slightly back and forth.

"Hmm. I didn't see you carrying all those dresses around for me," Clarke challenged playfully. "But don't worry," she pecked Lexa's lips quickly before disentangling from her and turning to the dresses, "you can make it up to me by helping me choose which one to get."

Lexa stepped up behind Clarke, gripping her hips and pulling them flush together. "I can help with more than that," she murmured, fingers teasing at the hem of Clarke's shirt.

"Oh you can, can you?" Clarke asked, lifting her arms as Lexa began raising her shirt up her torso.

"It would be my pleasure," Lexa said, kissing along Clarke's newly exposed shoulder.

And maybe the dresses could wait just a little while.

* * *

 

The smirk the dressing room attendant gave them when they returned to the rest of the world definitely indicated that they may have (just _maybe_ ) spent too much time in the dressing room. But, after _events_ and a quick fashion show, Clarke walked out with the dress Lexa had picked for her thrown over her arm, the rest handed off to the attendant (knowing smirk be damned).

Lexa's own smirk earned her a smack on the arm before Clarke led her back to the dress section to find something complimentary for her.

* * *

 

"Hello! It is I!" Raven announced as she burst into Clarke's room in their apartment. Luckily, both Clarke and Lexa were clothed and almost ready to head out. Clarke leaned over Lexa as Lexa sat on her bed, tracing her eyeliner pencil over Lexa's closed eyelid.

"And your obnoxiously loud entrance into the apartment wasn't announcement enough?" Clarke asked, tilting Lexa's chin left and right to make sure her eye makeup was even.

Raven shrugged and came over to hop on the bed beside Lexa. She bounced as she fell, making Lexa jostle on the bed as well. The glare both Lexa and Clarke sent her didn't even seem to register. "Go big or go home."

"You are home," Clarke deadpanned. She handed Lexa her lipstick before turning to go get her necklace and earrings.

"Go big _and_ go home, then. Speaking of," Raven started, looking out of Clarke's bedroom door and pointing toward the living room, "when did we move into a flower shop?"

Octavia chose that moment to walk in, holding one of the many flowers that were scattered around the apartment. "Aw. You mean you didn't do this for me, Rae?"

Raven just grinned at her, leaning back on her hands with a shrug.

The couple looked fantastic in their flapper era-esque dresses, Raven in a deep red dress and Octavia in a similarly styled black one.

"That would have been my doing, actually," Lexa said after having applied her lipstick.

Octavia batted her eyes at Lexa, moving to sit next to her on the bed. "For me? You shouldn't have."

"I thought we went over this before. No threesomes," Raven said, glaring jokingly at Lexa and Octavia.

"No one said you were invited. Lexa bought the flowers, after all." Octavia stuck her tongue out at Raven before leaning her head on Lexa's shoulder. "Such a romantic," she cooed.

"And on that note," Clarke cut in, coming over to grab Lexa's hands and pull her to her feet, effectively dislodging Octavia in the process, "we're ready to go. Are you two all set?"

Raven jumped off the bed and held her arms out, showing off her dress for all to see. "Are you suggesting that I don't look ready to go?"

"I'm suggesting that you may want to grab your bags before we head out. Unless you plan to flirt your way out of paying the bill."

"Well, I do know some of the bartenders--"

"No. No flirting. I'm getting my purse," Octavia said, cutting Raven off. Smirking proudly, Raven followed her out of the room.

"And the fun begins," she murmured as she passed Lexa and Clarke.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you're still okay with going out with them? Seems like they may be a handful tonight." Despite her words, Clarke led Lexa after her friends out of her bedroom and into the living room.

Into the living room that was very much covered in bouquets and bouquets of flowers. Lilies and roses and sunflowers and so many others that Clarke hadn't even really known the names of. To say that she was surprised when they walked in after their shopping excursion would be an understatement. She still didn't know how Lexa had managed to have them all delivered and arranged perfectly around the apartment while they were out for the morning.

Raven walked through the arrangements, plucking a rose from one of the bouquets. Turning dramatically, she offered the flower to Octavia. "For you, my love."

Lexa walked by on her way to the door, snatching the flower out of Raven's hand. "For Clarke," she said, putting it back in the bouquet Raven had taken it from. "Don't steal them just because you didn't buy any for your girl."

"Who said I didn't buy flowers for Octavia?" Raven said, tilting her chin up with a snobby sniff.

"She didn't," Octavia said.

"But," Raven objected, twirling again to point at Octavia, "I'm paying for the flowers in the wedding."

" _We're_ paying for those. If you remember, I paid the down payment on them."

"What's yours is mine?" Raven tried with a slight cringe.

Octavia patted her shoulder placatingly. "Sure, babe. Whatever you say."

Clarke shook her head with a laugh as Lexa helped her into her coat. "Thanks, love," she said quietly as she turned and kissed Lexa lovingly. "For everything."

Lexa smiled and nodded, pulling her own coat on.

"I remember when you used to do that for me," Octavia said, watching Clarke and Lexa get ready to walk out.

Raven scoffed. "You don't need me to put your coat on for you."

"It's a sweet gesture."

"A sweet gesture was waking you up to breakfast in bed, if you know what I mean," Raven said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Octavia rolled her eyes. "And who said romance is dead?"

"You weren't complaining this morning."

"It's kind of hard with your tongue on my--"

"OKAY," Clarke said, cutting Octavia off before she could elaborate. "Let's get going. Lex?" she prompted.

Lexa chuckled, offering her arm for Clarke to take. Pulling the door open, she held her free arm out. "Shall we?"

" _Please_. Before we get any more unwanted information."

"I can give you some tips if you want, Woods," Raven offered cockily, following after the couple with her hand intwined with Octavia's. She pulled the door closed behind them, locking up the apartment before they all made their way out to the car.

"Don't think I need help with that."

"Is that so?"

"She definitely doesn't need help in that department, Rae," Clarke defended, giving Lexa another quick kiss as Lexa held the passenger side door open for her. Lexa grinned smugly at Raven before closing Clarke's door and making her way to the driver's seat.

"But I can offer you some pointers. Octavia seems a bit... unimpressed with your attentions today," Lexa offered when they were all in the car. Clarke barely held in her laugh at that, squeezing Lexa's hand in hers where they rested on the center console.

Raven scoffed loudly. "As if."

Octavia just hummed skeptically, causing Raven to look at her accusingly followed by a batch of bickering that lasted until they arrived at the bar.

* * *

 

"Dinner and a show," Clarke mumbled against Lexa's neck where she had buried her face just moments before.

At that moment, Raven was talking animatedly with one of the bartenders, having recognized her from the last time she visited. The bartender, or Evie as she had introduced herself, surprisingly enough, remembered Raven and her 'tale of woe'. And, unsurprisingly, Octavia's jaw was twitching with how hard she was clenching her teeth as she watched Raven and the bartender interact.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Clarke said as she turned to look at her friends again, her head still resting on Lexa's shoulder. They were already a few drinks in, Raven's bartender friend having brought them free refills throughout their meal. "Oh shit." Clarke's eyes widened as she watched Evie lean in closer, certain that Octavia was about to snap the fork that she was holding in half. Or stab it into Evie's hand that was resting on the back of Raven's chair.

Neither would be a surprise.

"So, Raven," she cooed, the Irish lilt in her accent trickling out. Raven looked up to her and smirked, obviously knowing that her fiancé was on the brink of snapping. "I haven't seen you on the dance floor yet. Maybe I could--"

"No. No you could not," Octavia cut in, wrapping her arm around Raven's middle and pulling her back against her chest as she glared up at the bartender. "All dances are claimed and accounted for. All everything is claimed and accounted for, actually. From now until the day I die. So if you would," she waved her free hand, motioning for the bartender to leave.

Instead, Evie huffed and crossed her arms, standing to her full height (which was actually quite a bit taller than anyone sitting around the table). Raven's smirk became even more obvious, knowing exactly where this was going. Clarke just groaned and rubbed her forehead, also knowing what was about to happen. Lexa, for her part, cocked an eyebrow at the bartender but otherwise remained stoic.

"I'm just offering the girl a good time. After all, we had such a fun night the last time," she practically purred the last part, looking down at Raven almost hungrily.

Octavia's arms tensed around Raven. "Well," she started. She leaned down and placed a kiss to Raven's neck, letting her lower lip drag up Raven's neck, nipping at her earlobe when she got there. Raven tilted her head, giving Octavia all the access she needed. "A good time is being had. Your services are no longer needed."

Evie and Octavia stared each other down, Octavia possessively letting her lips linger on Raven's neck. Finally, the bartender placed her hands on her hips and smiled cheekily. "So this is her, huh?" she asked Raven with a laugh. "Certainly has some fire in her."

Raven laughed, squeezing Octavia's arms as Octavia's head jerked up in surprise. "Yeah, this is her."

"You were definitely right about the spark. I could see it the moment you two walked in."

Raven just shrugged, smiling happily. "I wouldn't lie about it."

Evie hummed happily with a nod. "How about you don't go 'n screw it up again, yeah?"

Raven laughed again. "I'm really trying not to this time. So far so good, though." She held up her left hand and showed off her engagement ring.

With a happy squeal, Evie grabbed Raven's hand and examined the ring. "It's about damn time, Reyes. When did you finally grow one and get the courage to ask her?"

"I was taking my time," Raven said with a shrug, letting her hand fall back onto Octavia's forearm when Evie let it go.

"Lucky she stuck around long enough for you to do it. Weren't you planning to pop the question way back when?"

Octavia's jaw dropped. "You were planning to ask me _three years_ ago?" she asked, completely thrown off by that knowledge.

Raven shrugged nonchalantly. "I was thinking about it. But then the break happened and we had to figure stuff out."

"So you took three damn years to grow some and finally ask the poor girl." Evie met Octavia's surprised stare. "This one was totally heartbroken when she came in last time. Went on and on about how the love of her life was doubting her. Said she had to propose right away to convince you she loved you. Even then she wasn't sure you'd accept her, though. Right sad sight, this one was." She motioned to Raven who was pointedly not looking at any of them. "But she's a good one. Couldn't go a minute without talking about you and how much she loved you. Got a couple bottles in her and she still kept yappin' about ya. Almost drove the girls mad." She laughed at the memory.

Octavia looked to Raven, staring at the side of her face in awe.

"Yer lucky to have each other, you two are. Don't screw it up again, ya idiot," Evie teased, shoving Raven's shoulder lightly. "I'll go get ya some more refills to celebrate the happy couple." And with that, she left them at the table with Raven still avoiding everyone's stares.

"So that was Evie," she ventured, sounding almost shy. The slight blush on her cheeks didn't help her with her calm facade either.

"Found comfort in the arms of other women, huh?" Octavia prompted, eyebrow quirked, her smirk betrayed by the awe and happiness that was still breaking through.

"They're all a bunch of mama bears around here. They see someone hurting and instantly swarm. Couldn't have gotten out without getting hugged if I tried," Raven mumbled, glaring over at the bar where Evie and her fellow workers were gathered laughing over something that one of them had said.

"Hey," Octavia said softly, grabbing Raven's chin gently and turning her to look at her. They stared at each other silently, seemingly speaking with their eyes, before Octavia brushed their lips together lovingly. "I love you," she mumbled quietly.

"Love you, too," Raven returned, pressing another kiss to Octavia's lips, the two getting lost in each other.

Lexa's hum brought Clarke's attention away from her two friends.

"That could have turned out a lot worse," Lexa offered. Clarke looked up to her, smiling at the affectionate look that Lexa was giving the couple across from them.

"Better be careful, love. People may start thinking you actually care about them," Clarke said around a soft laugh. She kissed Lexa's jaw before putting her head back on Lexa's shoulder and closing her eyes.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's hair, letting her lips linger there as she mumbled, "Don't let them know, but I actually _may_ consider them my friends."

Chuckling, Clarke shook her head slightly. "Your secret's safe with me, babe."

"Hey, lovebirds!" Raven called, jumping up from her seat and dragging Octavia to her feet as well. "Evie had a good point. There has been far too little dancing going on here. We need to remedy that."

"You two go ahead. We'll join you in a bit," Lexa offered, waving them off.

With no argument on their part, Raven and Octavia left to venture out onto the small dance floor, joining the few couples that were already there.

Clarke and Lexa watched as their friends began swaying together to the mellow jazz tunes that filled the bar. "Do you actually want to join them? Clarke asked, squeezing Lexa's thigh where her hand rested.

"Maybe in a little while. But first..." Lexa tilted Clarke's chin up so that they were looking at each other. "I think we can spend some time alone. What do you think?"

Clarke hummed her approval. "I think I like that idea very much."

Smiling, Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke softly, letting their lips move in sync as the night went on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's Valentine's Day! Hope you all liked these dorks going out and enjoying themselves. Can you imagine them in flapper dresses. Like, hello ladies. Yes please. 
> 
> I'm leaning more toward just doing longer chapters once a week for now. So they'll be more around this length hopefully. And then, once I'm settled in the new state and all, we can think about two a week. We'll see how much I have left to post by then. 
> 
> Have any of y'all been on amazing Valentine's Day dates? Or do you have any opinion on Valentine's Day at all? I lean more toward Lexa's view that it's a thing that should be done all year round, but it's kinda fun to celebrate extra on one day I guess. Thoughts? Dream valentine's dates? Anything??
> 
> As always, comments/requests/Kudos are loved so much. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv. If I don't respond to a message right away, it's actually because I have zero free time right now. Even posting this took some effort just because life is kinda hectic. But I promise I will respond to you as soon as possible.


	50. Use My Head Alongside My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety, dancing, bars, and cuteness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marathon chapter and GO!

"I'm going to pass out."

"You're fine, Raven."

"No I'm not. I'm anything but fine."

Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile and put her hands on Raven's shoulders. "Raven. Look at me. You're fine."

"I'm getting married, Clarke." Raven's eyes darted around the room as if expecting something to jump out at her.

"Not for two days. So take a breath."

"Less than forty-eight hours, Clarke. I can't do this. What if she changes her mind? What if she decides that I'm really not good enough for her? What if I'm left standing at the alter, looking ridiculous hoping that she'll show?"

"She's not going to change her mind. You two are perfect for each other."

"She's perfect for me, but what if I'm not perfect for her?" Raven's voice shook as she folded in on herself, shrinking before Clarke's eyes.

"Hey, hey," Clarke hushed. She directed Raven gently over to the couch to sit down and knelt in front of her. "You're perfect for _each other_. Both ways. I have never seen two people more meant to be together than you two."

"You and Lexa?"

Clarke waved her off. "We're not talking about us. We're talking about you and the love of your life who you _are_ marrying in less than two days. Followed by countless years together until you're both old and gray and wrinkly, and your great-great-grandkids find your love disgustingly adorable."

"You think?" Raven's breathing began to calm down slightly and she looked a little less frantic, to Clarke's immense relief.

Clarke nodded without hesitation. "I know."

Raven closed her eyes and took a deep breath, calming down more and more by the second. "You're right. She's the one that said yes, after all. Why would she change her mind after all this time?"

"Exactly."

"And she's put up with me for this long. What's the rest of our lives compared to that?"

"Well, I mean, it's a little bit longer. But it's nothing the two of you can't face together."

Raven looked Clarke in the eye and nodded. "Right. Stronger together. We're made for each other."

"Yes you are. Now," Clarke pushed off of Raven's thighs to come to a standing position, "are you ready for the best bachelorette party in the history of bachelorette parties?"

Raven looked at her skeptically, her head tilted to the side. "And Octavia's going to meet us there?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled Raven to her feet. "Yes, Rae. Octavia's going to be there the whole night with you. God you're whipped."

Letting Clarke drag her back to her bedroom, Raven just shrugged off the comment. "I like being whipped."

"Kinky."

"Not like that, you ass." Raven scowled at her, to which Clarke only laughed.

"Sure, Rae. Now get dressed so we can get out of here and get you to your ladylove." She shoved Raven into her closet in an attempt to get her to move faster.

"And here I thought I was out of the closet."

"Now you're back in. Hurry up."

"The wedding guests are all going to be so surprised." Raven started flipping through her clothes, trying to find something to wear. "You're being awfully pushy tonight. Are you up to something?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Actually yes, I would." She came back out and threw her choice outfit onto her bed. "Stripping. Get out if you don't want to see."

"Because we've never seen each other naked before."

Raven shrugged as she pulled her shirt over her head. "Thought I'd give you fair warning."

"So considerate."

"You caught me on a good day."

Clarke laughed at that, looking Raven up and down when she was fully dressed and letting out a low whistle. "Hot damn. If we were both single, I'd be tempted."

"Just tempted? I'm hurt, Clarkey." She patted Clarke's cheek sadly. "In another life, maybe. Here though, we just weren't meant to be. I'll always remember you fondly."

"No, Raven. Say it isn't so!" Clarke mocked a sob. "I'll always love you."

"And I you, princess. But for now, I must bid you adieu."

Clarke fell to the bed, shoulders shaking with pretend sobs as she buried her face in her hands. "The world is so cruel!"

"Do I want to know what I just walked in on?" Lexa asked from outside of Raven's door, Raven having just swung it open to reveal Lexa with her hand poised to knock.

"Technically you didn't walk in on anything," Raven said cheekily. "But to answer your question, I just had to let Clarke down. I did it as gently a I could, but the girl's mad about me. I must admit," she patted her heart with a forlorn look, "my heart is broken as well. I'll never be the same."

Lexa looked between Raven and Clarke, clearly amused by the charade. "I'm sorry for your losses." She leaned against the door frame and watched Clarke fall back on the bed, grasping at her heart.

"The pain is felt so severely. I don't know if I can go on," she gasped, pulling her arm up to cover her eyes. "You must continue on without me. I'm not long for this world."

"Damn. And here I was promised an appearance of party-girl-Griffin at the party tonight." Lexa sighed. "I guess we'll have to find someone else to fill those shoes. What do you say, Reyes? Up to the challenge?"

Raven smiled wickedly at Lexa, inching closer to her in the doorway. "Does that offer include a night of debauchery? Because I'm pretty sure that's where your night was going to go."

Lexa gave a noncommittal shrug. "The night leads where it may."

Clarke leaned up on her hands, glaring between her girlfriend and best friend. "I'm offended that you both seem to have been able to move on so quickly."

"Only Raven. I, apparently, wasn't the love that you were longing for. Raven here is the one that broke your heart." Lexa's lip twitched with the smirk she was trying to hide at Clarke's pout. She patted Raven's shoulder before moving into the room, shoving her hands in her pockets and moving toward the bed nonchalantly. "This bed will do nicely, Reyes. The night is looking much more promising."

Clarke jumped off the bed and grasped Lexa's shoulders, turning her around and marching her out of the room, much to the amusement of Raven who moved out of their way hurriedly. "That bed will be seeing none of you."

"Seems you'll be the only one getting treated tonight, Raven. I will dutifully remained clothed and off the bed," Lexa said over her shoulder to Raven who was following them toward the front door.

"I can work with that." Raven smirked when Clarke shot a glare at her over her shoulder.

"Oh no you can't. And won't. Don't you have a fiancé to be getting to?"

Raven snapped her fingers as if just remembering that fact. "Right you are, Griff. I apologetically must turn down your invitation for the evening, Miss Woods."

Lexa sighed as she grabbed Clarke's jacket off of the hook on the wall. "A tragedy."

"Truly," Clarke said flatly, accepting her jacket from Lexa and throwing it on quickly.

"Maybe we should warn Octavia what a heart breaker she's getting married to," Lexa offered, opening the door for Clarke.

Raven shrugged as she walked by to exit. "She knows what she's getting into. We've come to accept each other as we are."

"Such a beautiful relationship," Lexa teased. She pulled the door closed behind them and locked it with the key Clarke handed her. "Truly, it's remarkable."

"Remarkably strange, more like," Clarke said under her breath.

Raven spun and pointed at Clarke accusingly. "Who was it that was just saying she had never seen a more perfect couple in all of her life?" she challenged.

"I must have been looking at a picture of Lexa and me," Clarke said with a smirk. Lexa chuckled and took Clarke's hand, tangling their fingers together before brining them to her lips to placed a kiss on the back of Clarke's hand.

"Never a more perfect couple," she agreed.

Raven crossed her arms and humphed, turning away from them and stomping down the stairs. "I see how it is. The girlfriend gets here and all the love goes to her. And before my own party, no less."

"Hey, you're the one that broke my heart," Clarke said, laughing as she and Lexa followed behind Raven.

"And I'd do it again! I take back my sentiment. Never in a million lives would we have worked, Clarke Griffin!" She slammed the car door shut after she climbed into the back seat of Lexa's car.

"Should I be offended on your behalf or happy that I have less competition?" Lexa asked, brow scrunched in slight confusion as she stared at the now closed door.

Clarke giggled and tugged on Lexa's hand, turning them to face each other. Taking Lexa's other hand, she leaned up on her tiptoes to place a gentle kiss to her lips. "There's no competition at all, babe."

"Well that's reassuring. I was getting kind of nervous I was going to lose you to her... unique ways," Lexa teased with a smirk.

Clarke shook her head, falling back on her heels. "Not a chance. You're stuck with me, Lex."

Lexa smiled goofily and leaned down to pepper kisses over Clarke's face. Giggling, Clarke attempted to dodge the kisses before finally letting Lexa's hands drop to instead grab both sides of Lexa's face. "You are too damn perfect," she said before pressing their lips firmly together.

The car's horn blew loudly beside them, causing them to jump apart in surprise. They looked to the car to see Raven in the back seat cackling at them.

"I think she's ready to go." Lexa glared at their friend, still trying to calm her racing heart after the scare.

"I think she can wait a minute longer," Clarke offered instead, reaching up to grab the neck of Lexa's button-up and tugging her down into another heated kiss.

When Raven blew the horn at them again, she was only met with Clarke's middle finger.

* * *

 

"I swear to god, Clarke Griffin, if we are headed where I think we're headed, I will _kill_ you," Raven growled from the back seat.

Clarke laughed from where she sat in the passenger's seat, turning to look back at Raven with a smug grin. "I have no idea what you could _possibly_ be referring to."

"You know exactly what I'm referring to, you evil, evil blonde demon."

"Babe, did you know I was an evil blonde demon?" Clarke asked Lexa, leaning her elbow on the center console and resting her chin in her hand to look up at her girlfriend.

Lexa's lips quirked up in a smirk. "I think the correct phrase was 'evil, evil blonde demon'."

Clarke waved her off. "Double the evil, double the fun."

"Double the evil, double the pain, more like," Raven grumbled from the back, still glaring at Clarke.

"I'd agree that it's more fun," Lexa admitted, flicking on her turn signal to turn into a parking lot.

Raven looked out the window to take in their destination, her glare becoming even more fierce as they got closer to the building. "You have _got_ to be kidding."

"I promised Octavia I'd throw her bachelorette party here."

"In _high school!_ Which was years ago! Did you even ask if she still wanted to have it here? I can't believe she would."

Clarke shrugged and unclipped her seatbelt. "A promise is a promise. Now get out of the car so we can go meet up with your fiancé."

Clarke heard a defiant "No" before she closed her door, now outside of the car. She looked over the top of the car to see Lexa leaning against the driver's side, her arms crossed on the roof.

"She's your best friend," Lexa stated, knowing exactly what Clarke was going to ask of her.

Clarke batted her eyes at her girlfriend, mirroring Lexa's position. "But you love me so much."

"Yes I do. But no."

"Please?"

"No."

" _Lex_."

"It's not happening, Clarke."

"She's going to stay in the car the whole night if you don't."

"I'm sure Octavia could get her to get out."

"Then we'd ruin the surprise. _Please_ just do it?"

Lexa sighed and rubbed her forehead. "While I'd usually love to hear you begging..." she trailed off and glared at the roof of the car. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Because you're strong and loving and tough and amazing and you'd do anything for me?" Clarke tried, smiling hopefully.

With a groan, Lexa pushed off her car and made her way around to Clarke's side. "This is ridiculous."

"But you're going to do it anyway."

"Can you at least get her unbuckled for me?"

Clarke saluted her, feigning seriousness. "Aye-aye, Captain!"

"I thought it was Commander?" Lexa asked, brow quirked teasingly.

Clarke winked at her, grabbing the sides of her shirt and tugging her closer. "That's for later tonight," she husked into Lexa's ear.

Lexa swallowed thickly, nodding agreeably. "Right. Tonight."

"After the party," Clarke continued.

" _Or_ , we could drop Raven off and skip the party."

"I'm the maid of honor, Lex."

"And I would like to _honor_ you all night long," Lexa tried.

Clarke hummed, pressing a kiss to Lexa's jaw. "As tempting as that sounds, we have to stay. Who else is going to make sure they get home safe?"

"A Lyft?"

Clarke pulled back and looked at Lexa as if asking 'seriously?'. Lexa just grinned hopefully, tilting her head in the way that she just knew Clarke would struggle to deny.

Clarke pulled away fully, pointing at Lexa accusingly. "Stop that. And get ready. She's not going to go easily."

Lexa took a step back from the car, shrugging her shoulders. "Couldn't blame me for trying."

Rolling her eyes with a fond smile, Clarke turned to the back door. She found Raven sitting inside the car with her arms crossed, pouting and glaring up at the building in front of her. Taking a deep breath to prepare herself, Clarke pulled the door open with a swift jerk of her arm. "Alright, get your ass out, or we're going to drag you in there.

Raven just turned her glare to Clarke, refusing to move from her seat.

"Alright, you asked for it." Clarke reached across Raven and unfastened her seatbelt, pulling it off of her and stepping out of the way quickly.

Which was Lexa's cue to take over. She reached into the car, spinning Raven quickly to get her legs out of the vehicle. And, without further ado, Lexa yanked Raven out of the car and threw her over her shoulder.

"Lexa, put me down!" Raven yelled, smacking Lexa's back angrily. Lexa just turned from the car, making her way to the building.

Grinning, Clarke closed the car door, locking it up, and followed her girlfriend and irate best friend with a cheeky smile. A cheeky smile that Raven was met with when she finally stopped trying to beat Lexa up upside down and instead glared at Clarke behind them.

"I hate you," she growled, teeth bared in a deep scowl.

Clarke shrugged. "You were being difficult."

"So you sent your muscle after me."

"My hot muscle, at that. And if you would have just gotten out of the car..."

Lexa pushed the door of the building open (an impressive feat considering her extra load), and let Clarke pass them with a wink in response to Clarke's comment.

The sound of swing music was only slightly overwhelming.

After a little more struggle, Raven finally slumped against Lexa, admitting defeat in the face of the music. She sighed deeply, letting herself bounce bonelessly against Lexa with every step that she took.

"What did you do to my fiancé?" Octavia chided as they made their way over to the table their group had commandeered.

Clarke brushed her off, throwing her arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug. "You're getting married!"

"That's usually what bachelorette parties mean." Octavia pulled out of the hug and looked over to Lexa and Raven. "Should I be concerned?"

Clarke shook her head. "She was being difficult."

"What's new?"

"Exactly."

"Where should I drop her?" Lexa cut in, looking around the table to find all the chairs already taken by their group of friends.

"Please don't drop me," Raven grumbled half-heartedly. Lexa bounced her shoulder to silence her.

"But actually, please don't. She needs to be able to walk at least halfway decently on Saturday," Octavia agreed. She directed Lexa over to her own chair.

Lexa let Raven slide off her shoulder, dropping her into the chair less than gracefully. "That's for making me cary you."

"I didn't make you carry me. Clarke did."

Lexa just humphed, going over to wrap her arms around Clarke's waist from behind. Clarke kissed her cheek, whispering a quiet "Thank you" against her skin, and earning a pleased smile.

"Did we really have to go swing dancing for our bachelorette party?" Raven whined, holding Octavia's hips as her fiancé stepped between her legs. Octavia draped her arms over Raven's shoulders, rocking them back and forth slightly to the music. "Most people just go to a bar. Maybe a strip club."

"We used to love swing dancing."

"We haven't been since sophomore year of high school, before we even got together. I don't even know if I _can_ anymore," Raven pouted, refusing to look down at her leg brace.

Octavia leaned down and kissed Raven's forehead, scratching at the nape of her neck reassuringly. "We'll figure it out. I'll be right there with you."

"I thought you said you wanted me to be able to walk down the aisle on Saturday," Raven argued.

"I won't let you get hurt."

"You seem awfully confident in yourself."

"And you seem awfully unconfident in yourself. I bet Clarke and I can sweep the floor with you two," Lexa cut in, spinning Clarke out from her arms and pulling her back in.

Clarke laughed at that, her face glowing with happiness, and let Lexa sweep her back into her arms. "I didn't even know you knew how to swing dance."

"I'm full of surprises." Lexa smirked, taking Clarke's hands and heading toward the dance floor.

"Are you going to take that challenge sitting down?" Octavia asked Raven, eyebrow quirked in a challenge of her own.

Raven glared after her friends, grumbling under her breath about show-offy couples who needed to find their chill. Octavia chuckled and moved to straddle Raven's legs instead.

"I didn't quite catch that," she teased.

"I didn't quite want you to." Raven looked to her fiancé after sticking her tongue out at Clarke who had just called her to join them.

Octavia hummed, returning to scratching at Raven's scalp gently. "If you really don't want to, we can just watch."

Raven shook her head, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to chew on it. When she finally let it go, she looked down at what she could see of her leg around Octavia. "It's not that I don't want to."

"Mhm," Octavia hummed encouragingly, knowing that Raven didn't need to be pushed on this, but rather just needed to be heard.

"I just..." Her thoughtful look turned into a glare at her leg. "I don't think I _can_ anymore. I don't want to disappoint you."

Octavia gently took Raven's chin into her hand, tilting her head up to look at her. "Not possible," she said simply.

Raven shook her head as best she could with Octavia holding her chin. "No, it is possible. We used to be able to go out dancing whenever we wanted. All of us would. And I used to be able to--"

"You're still able to, love. It just might be a little different." Octavia moved her hand to cup Raven's cheek, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. "Why don't we just go out there and see what happens? I promise we won't push it too hard."

Raven looked out to the dance floor, seeing Lexa swinging Clarke around, both of them laughing as if they were the happiest people on earth. Octavia deserved that too. She deserved that happiness and joy and excitement. She wouldn't be the one to deny her that. And Octavia wouldn't let anything happen to her. They'd figure it out.

With a firm nod, Raven squeezed Octavia's hips and nudged her off her lap.

Then she took Octavia's hands in her own and let her fiancé lead her out to face this next challenge. Together.

* * *

 

Clarke leaned heavily against Lexa's side, finding warmth in the arm thrown over her shoulders. She hummed happily and tilted her head up to place a kiss against Lexa's neck.

Lexa squeezed her shoulder, kissing the top of her head in return.

"Well that was a kick," Raven announced, walking ahead of them with Octavia at her side, their arms locked.

"I told you that you'd be fine," Octavia said, nudging her fiancé and making them both wobble slightly.

Raven raised her chin. "Of course I was fine. I'm always fine. There's nothing I can't do."

Octavia kissed her cheek, fighting off a laugh. "Of course, babe. You against the world."

"You and me against the world," Raven corrected, tilting Octavia's face back to her so she could kiss her. "From now until forever."

"From now until forever," Octavia repeated, staring deeply into Raven's eyes, both of them seemingly lost to the world around them.

Clarke cleared her throat. "Sorry to break up the moment, but we have places to be." She shooed them forward toward Lexa's car. "Come on, come on. Everyone else is already on the way."

Raven shot her a confused look over her shoulder. "What do you mean? I thought they all left to head home."

"Nope," Clarke said, pulling the back door open so that Octavia and Raven could climb in. "They left to get the next destination ready for you two."

"I swear I didn't know about another stop," Octavia promised Raven when she turned to glare at her. Still, she slid into the car obediently after Clarke once again motioned for her to move.

"This is our surprise for you two." Clarke closed the door after Raven climbed in, taking a seat in the passenger's seat after. "And you're both going to love it."

"I would _love_ to be in bed right now," Raven said bitingly.

"I second that," Lexa mumbled, starting up the car and grumpily staring out the windshield.

Clarke lightly smacked her girlfriend's arm. "This was partially your idea, too."

"That was thought of before we spent the entire night dancing. Now bed sounds lovely."

"Too bad. Reservations have been made, and everyone is probably already waiting for us." Lexa's shoulders fell as she sighed in defeat. Clarke leaned closer to her, whispering into her ear, "If you make it through this, I promise I'll make it worth your while."

"Oh?" Lexa asked, perking up at the offer.

"Definitely."

"Can I get a preview?"

"Definitely not," Raven cut in, pushing Clarke back into her seat as she leaned forward between the two front seats. "I refuse to be subjected to whatever weirdness you two get down to in the bedroom."

"Jealous, Reyes?" Lexa asked, looking at her in the review mirror.

Raven scoffed. "Hardly. I would just rather the night of my bachelorette party remain Clexa-sexa-less."

"Damn. And here we were about to take you to a sex lounge. I guess the evening really is going to have to end early." Clarke sighed dramatically.

"Seriously?" Raven asked, clearly torn between disbelief and the thought that she wouldn't put it past Clarke to set something like that up as a joke.

Clarke pushed Raven back so that she'd sit properly. "Of course not. How would I even find a place like that?"

"Easily," Octavia said, earning surprised and curious looks from everyone else. She shrugged. "Research paper?" she tried, her voice letting on that she knew they wouldn't believe that.

" _Sure_ ," Raven drawled, shaking her head and turning back to the girls in the front. "So where are we headed?"

"That's for us to know and you two to patiently wait to find out," Clarke chided.

"Or you could just tell us," Raven said.

"What is with you and always wanting to know what's happening?"

Raven shrugged. "I'm a scientist."

"You're an impatient scientist. And you're also going to have to learn how to wait."

Raven glared at her, Clarke sticking her tongue out in response. "Is this 'keep Raven in the dark' night?"

"We're all in the dark, Reyes. It's nighttime," Lexa said flatly, watching the road diligently.

Raven snapped her glare to Lexa, leaning forward between the seats again. "I know where you sleep, Woods."

"Seeing as it's in your apartment half the time, I would think so," Lexa sassed back.

"You better sleep with one eye open tonight," Raven warned.

"Who said I was going to be sleeping tonight?" Lexa said, shooting a sly glance to Clarke.

"TMI," Raven said, scrunching her face in disgust.

Octavia pulled her back into her seat. "If you're anywhere other than our bed tonight, Reyes, this wedding might just be cancelled."

"Oooh, tight leash." Lexa smirked at Raven in the review mirror.

Raven glared back before turning pleading eyes to her fiancé. "Not even for five minutes?"

Lexa scoffed. "As if you could get the upper hand on me in five minutes." She turned into a nondescript parking lot, pulling into an empty spot beside a few of their friends' familiar cars.

"I'd attack your weakness," Raven said cockily.

"What weakness?" Lexa turned in her seat to look at Raven directly.

Raven sat back in her seat, crossing her arms confidently, eyes darting to Clarke before reconnecting with Lexa's. "Your lover."

"I'd like to see you try," Lexa all but growled out.

Raven barked out a laugh. "As if it'd be hard."

"Again, if you are not in bed with me tonight, there will be consequences," Octavia said, breaking up the glaring contest that had begun by turning Raven's head by the chin to look at her. To which Raven sulked, clearly chastised. "Understood?" Octavia asked, brow raised challengingly.

Raven nodded, pouting.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pushed her door open. "Now that the pissing contest is over, can we go inside? I think the others have waited long enough, and there is plenty of drinking to be done. Especially if we're going to have to put up with the two of them all night." She looked back at Octavia, gesturing to Lexa and Raven with another roll of her eyes.

" _Please_ ," Octavia begged, pushing her own door open. "I could use something strong."

"You and me both. Shots?" Clarke offered, one foot out of the car.

"Like you even have to ask," Octavia agreed before getting out of the car herself. "Last one there gets the tab?"

Clarke followed her out, looking warningly at Raven and Lexa, daring them to start acting up again. "As if you'd be paying for your bachelorette party, anyway." She caught up with Octavia, linking their arms and leading them toward the door of the building.

"You still not going to tell us where we are, princess?" Raven asked, trailing behind them with a pout, looking much like a wounded puppy.

"I think you can wait two more minutes, Rae."

Lexa jogged a few steps to catch up to Clarke, taking her hand and twining their fingers together. "And you thought I was bad."

Clarke laughed in response. "Please. I've had to deal with that impatient mess for long enough to know that you really aren't _that_ bad."

"Oh, just you two wait until it's time for your bachelorette party. O and I are going to have a field day with that," Raven warned. "Then we'll see who's impatient."

"Who said anything about either of you having a say in our bachelorette party?" Clarke asked.

"Anya's been planning something already. So you'll have to fight her over it," Lexa said. Clarke looked at her in confusion, not having known that Anya was already planning something. Lexa shrugged. "Something about not letting a bunch of delinquents make her sister's party anything less than classy. Then she started mumbling about nerf guns, and that's the last I've heard about it."

Clarke laughed. "Okay, that's fair."

Raven stared at Lexa, jaw dropped. "I can't believe that she'd imply that we are not classy people." She pulled the door to the building open, letting the other three walk in after Clarke dropped Octavia's arm. "Are you hearing this, babe?" she asked Octavia.

"You were planning a nerf battle," Octavia admitted.

They walked down a dark hallway, their voices bouncing off the blank walls around them, still without any sign of where they were or what they were about to walk into.

"To begin with!" Raven argued. "Then it was going to be all class!"

"How do you follow a nerf battle that would undoubtedly contain paint in some sort of way after the last display, with something classy?" Octavia challenged. "Really, I'm curious."

Raven scoffed and threw her hands up as if it was completely obvious. "A paint prom, of course!"

"In what universe is any sort of prom actually classy?" Clarke asked, her face scrunched up at the idea. "And on that note, why on earth would you recreate _prom_ as our bachelorette party?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "It wouldn't be like prom. It was just the working title of the night. Jeez. You people have no vision."

"She says after recommending a nerf battle followed by a _paint prom_ ," Lexa said flatly.

" _Vision_ ," Raven said again, highlighting the word with a flare of her hands. "Honestly, I'm surrounded by simpletons."

"Are you going to let your fiancé call you a simpleton?" Clarke asked, quirking her brow at Octavia.

Octavia just shrugged, coming to a stop in front of a closed door at the end of the hall. "I've been called worse."

Raven sidled up to Octavia, pressing into her back and grabbing ahold of her hips. "My badass fiancé can take anything."

"Your badass fiancé is ready for a drink. Which I think you said I'd be getting, Clarke?" She motioned to the door expectantly.

Clarke grinned and stepped between Octavia and the door. "Are you two ladies ready for a night to remember?"

"I do try to remember most nights," Octavia said.

"Then maybe a night to _not_ remember. Because the party starts now." With that, she pushed the door open, revealing a room of flashing lights and pumping bass.

Octavia and Raven walked in, taking in everything going on around them.

Blown up balls were flying around the room, a stage was lit up that extended into the middle of the open space. Laser lights were flashing from wall to wall, pumping with the almost overpowering bass. And then there was their group of friends, gathered close to the stage around multiple tables.

"And you were complaining about being classy?" Raven yelled to Clarke, even then barely heard over the music. "A strip club?"

Clarke scoffed. "As if!" She pointed to their friends. "Go sit down. I'm going to get the first round." And without waiting for a response, she took Lexa's hand and dragged her toward the bar at the other end of the room. "Remind me to just skip the bachelorette party," she grumbled as they got closer to the bar.

"I don't think you mean that at all," Lexa laughed, letting Clarke lead her along.

"Yes I do."

"You love parties."

"I don't love planning them."

"And that's the joy of having a maid of honor. She does the heavy lifting," Lexa teased.

Clarke quirked a brow at her skeptically as she waved down one of the bartenders. "Do you really want to leave that up to those two?"

Lexa pressed in close to Clarke's side, winding her arms around Clarke's waist. "Did you already forget what I said about Anya?"

"We're just going to end up with two parties. Raven won't be outdone. She's stubborn."

"Just like someone else I know." She looked at Clarke pointedly, smirking as Clarke pouted up at her.

They broke the conversation to order a round of drinks for them, setting up a tab to be paid at the end of the night.

"Like I was saying, we should just do without."

"Neither Raven nor Anya would be okay with that. While they seem different, they're very similar in their ways of going about things. If we try to avoid it, it'll just make everything ten times worse." Lexa looked at Clarke sympathetically, pressing a kiss to her temple in apology. "I think we're just going to have to tough it out."

"We could just elope," Clarke offered hopefully. "No one would even have to know it was happening until after the fact."

"And then there would be a double homicide within the week, and our friends and family would be in jail." Lexa thanked the bartender quickly when he brought over a tray full of drinks for them. "You wouldn't want to do that, anyway."

"Wouldn't I?" Clarke asked, following Lexa out of the crowd around the bar to start making their way over to their friends.

Lexa shook her head with a soft smile. "No way. You deserve better than that. A real wedding."

Clarke pulled Lexa to a stop, taking her free hand in her own and turning so that they were facing each other. "Being married to you would be enough. That's all I want. Whether we go to the court house or have a huge wedding. It doesn't matter to me."

Still smiling softly at Clarke, Lexa again shook her head. "You'd want your friends and family to be there."

Clarke shrugged noncommittally. "Not if they're going to act like that." She pointed to where their friends were, multiple of them dancing ridiculously up on each other while they waited for their drinks. She noted that many of them already had empty glasses in front of their spots at the tables. "I can see where your sister got the name delinquents," she admitted, watching Jasper attempt something like a grind close to Raven, who looked less than pleased with the situation.

Lexa laughed. "I'm sure we can figure out something to reign them all in."

"Couldn't we just stay at home instead of having a party? Just you and me, not worrying about anything or anyone else..." Clarke trailed off, her eyes glazing over as she thought it over more. She could party with her friends any time. And they had plenty of memories of doing just that over the years. But a night at home just relaxing was going to become increasingly difficult to obtain once she started her career. Who knew when she'd be able to just stay home without any worries when that happened?

Lexa kissed her forehead, drawing her back to the present. "While that sounds lovely, it doesn't really scream 'bachelorette party,' does it?" She squeezed Clarke's hand reassuringly. "We'll figure it out, love. But we should hurry, I think the show's about to start." She tilted her head toward their tables, close to the stage where the lights were starting the dim and the music was beginning to fade.

Clarke nodded and let Lexa lead her over to the tables, their friends cheering at the sight of shots for everyone.

"Thank god," both Octavia and Raven groaned, grabbing two shots each and downing them in quick succession.

"Well, there go Jasper's and Bellamy's shots," Clarke said with a shrug, earning sounds of disbelief from both of the mentioned boys.

"I can understand Jasper, but why me?" Bellamy whined, watching as the shots were handed out around those gathered.

"Because I'm not giving up mine, and I doubt anyone else would have either. And she's your sister," Clarke explained, grabbing her own shot before it could be taken from her, too. She downed it quickly, sitting down heavily in Lexa's lap after noting that all the other chairs had been taken.

"Comfy?" Lexa asked with a laugh, winding her arms around Clarke's waist and resting her chin on Clarke's shoulder.

"Very. Now hush. The show's starting."

"I swear, if this is a stripper..." Raven warned.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "You're being awfully threatening tonight."

"I can make you go boom."

"And I can make you have to pay for your own drinks tonight."

Raven glared at her silently for a second, the lights dimming to almost darkness in the meantime. Finally, she nodded as if coming to a decision. "Fair. Truce?"

"Truce," Clarke agreed, turning back to the stage. Lexa's laugh rumbled against her back, and she smiled at the feeling, finding comfort in it. She turned to place a kiss to the side of Lexa's head before settling back and waiting for the show.

When the bass of the music kicked back up and a spotlight shined on the center of the main stage, Raven burst into laughter at the words that were illuminated. "You have _got_ to be kidding me!" she laughed out, clutching at her stomach.

"You always said you wanted to go to one!" Clarke said around her own laughter. Octavia, sitting beside Raven, was laughing as well, not believing what she was seeing.

For, in front of them, getting pumped up for the show, were a line of drag queens, dressed to the nines.

"Clarke Griffin, I love you," Raven cheered. Clarke smiled triumphantly, proud that she pulled this off for her friends. She had to do some serious searching to find a show going on that night and at the time she needed it to be. But after Raven had admitted once years ago that she'd always wanted to see a drag show (and maybe meet some queens because "they're awesome, Clarke. Who wouldn't want to be friends with queens?"), Clarke knew she needed to end the night for her friend here. No one was sure how the swing dancing would go over with Raven's leg, and she wanted to make sure the night ended enjoyably for everyone involved.

Her friends cheered as the dancers began, flaunting across the stage.

And they cheered even more when Bellamy was dragged on stage to become part of the show, arguing adamantly that he wasn't the one they wanted. Though, after much cajoling and convincing (and a few more shots handed his way), Bellamy became the star of the show, dancing with everyone on the stage to the cheers of the crowd.

Which was something that Raven would bring up time and again as the years went by (video evidence available upon request).

* * *

 

Clarke collapsed on Lexa's bed, letting out a huge sigh of comfort as her back hit the soft blankets. "Have I told you that I love your bed?" she asked, eyes closed. She pulled a blanket around her, too tired to actually get under the sheets. Or even change for bed, as she was still in her clothes from the party.

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest, staring down at her girlfriend with a fond smile. "I don't think you've mentioned that before." It was a long night for them all, especially for Clarke who was managing everything to the best of her ability.

When they left the club, Clarke had to delegate those who were sober enough to drive, making sure that they'd be able to get those who weren't sober in the least home safely. And when they realized there were only three of them almost completely sober (Lexa and Murphy, surprisingly enough, because they were apparently the only responsible ones, and Clarke because she was attempting to take care of everyone), Clarke had to call multiple Lyft drivers to take the rest of them home. So, while they waited for the drivers to arrive, Clarke had to corral the group to make sure that no one wandered off and hurt themselves. Which was a feat in and of itself. But then figuring out who was riding with whom after the drivers arrived was even more of an event, as no one was cooperating. And to put it lightly, Clarke was tired.

She lifted her hands and rubbed at her face, pressing against her closed eyes with a deep, frustrated sigh. "Well it is. It's the best bed I have ever had the pleasure of laying in. It's my all time favorite. The hero I needed but didn't deserve." She let her arms fall to her sides heavily. "I am so tired."

Lexa chuckled, moving over to sit on the side of the bed, her hand resting on Clarke's thigh comfortingly. "How about we get ready for bed and then you can sleep all you want."

"That requires getting up from your very comfy bed, though."

"Yes it does."

"Which means I would have to exert energy to do so."

"Yep."

Clarke opened her eyes and pouted up at her girlfriend. "Do I have to?"

Lexa chuckled again and took one of Clarke's hands in hers, lifting it to place a kiss to her knuckles. "You don't. But I think you'll be much more comfortable out of those tight jeans and top. Weren't you just complaining about how uncomfortable bras were on the way back from your apartment?" They had dropped Raven and Octavia off, deciding not to test Raven's threat to dole out her revenge on Lexa while they slept there. (And they also didn't want to have to hear whatever the engaged couple was going to get up to on the night of their bachelorette party. Drunk Raven and Octavia could get _loud_ ).

Clarke groaned. "They are so uncomfortable. But I'm too tired to move."

"Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort?"

"Sometimes sacrifices are necessary."

Lexa looked down at her with an expectant grin. "Maybe you should sacrifice your immediate comfort for the future comfort of not having to sleep in your uncomfortable clothes."

"That was a lot of comfort in one sentence."

"Your comfort is my first priority."

"That's very sweet of you."

"Only the best for you."

"Do you know what would be the actual best?" Clarke asked, her tone hopeful.

Lexa leaned over Clarke, holding herself up with a hand to each side of Clarke's head on the bed. She knew exactly where Clarke was going with that, but still quirked an eyebrow in question.

"If you'd take care of the changing thing."

"You really don't want to move, do you?" Lexa asked, laughter in her voice.

Clarke shook her head with a pout. "I'm _so_ tired, Lex," she whined out, her voice shaking with exhaustion. She actually felt like she could cry with how tired she was. She felt it to the very core of her being. In her bones. She couldn't remember a time that she felt so exhausted.

"You're really going to let a night out with your friends whip you this badly? Where's the Clarke Griffin that went a week with only about ten hours of sleep total just to get her thesis paper finished?" Lexa teased. She lent down and kissed the furrow in Clarke's brow.

"She's on vacation, taking a much deserved nap. I envy her." Clarke crossed her arms, clinging to the blanket that she had pulled around herself. "Please, baby?" she asked, pouty lip wobbling.

Lexa rolled her eyes, but pressed a kiss to that wobbly lip before pushing herself up again. "The things I do for love."

Clarke grinned triumphantly, tossing her arms to the side and letting Lexa pull the blanket back off of her. "Your'e the best."

"The hero you needed but didn't deserve?" Lexa asked jokingly.

"The hero everyone needs but doesn't deserve. You are the greatest person on the earth. One of a kind. An inspiration. You deserve better," Clarke said, shifting to help Lexa take her pants off while still moving as little as possible in doing so. She lifted her arms expectantly when Lexa leaned over her again.

Lexa laughed, pulling Clarke's shirt up and over her head with only a little bit of difficulty trying to pry it out from under Clarke's back. "You could make this a little easier by sitting up, you know?'

"That would require more effort than I am willing to exert right now." She let her arms flop back down on the bed.

Lexa stood, going over to her dresser to pull out an oversized shirt for Clarke to sleep in. "Can you at least get your bra off? I'd rather not have to fight with that while you refuse to move." Before she could even turn around again, she was hit in the back of the head with said bra, before it fell to the floor at her feet. She turned around, mouth dropped in surprise. "Did you really just throw your bra at me?"

Clarke shrugged from where she lay sprawled on the bed. "You said to get it off."

"And not onto my head!" Lexa argued around a laugh. "I'm pretty sure I can confidently say that throwing it was exerting more energy than sitting up would have."

Another shrug as Clarke looked at her through her lowered lashes. "What're you going to do about it?" she challenged, voice dropped to a husky timbre.

Lexa smirked and took a few leisurely steps closer to the bed. "What am I going to do?"

Clarke just hummed in response, watching every move Lexa made. Sure she was tired, but she'd be willing to exert energy with the right motivation.

Lexa stared her down for a moment longer, taking in the sight of her girlfriend sprawled on her bed, almost completely naked, before throwing the shirt at her chest, following it quickly with herself. She launched onto the bed, her body on top of Clarke's and her elbows bracketing Clarke's head. "You're a brat, you know that?" she asked as Clarke broke down into a fit of giggles under her. She peppered Clarke's face with kisses when she didn't get an answer, which just caused Clarke to giggle even more, squirming under her.

When it really seemed like Clarke wouldn't be able to pull herself together, Lexa let her weight fall completely on her, pinning her to the bed and making it almost impossible to keep squirming. She crossed her arms on Clarke's chest, resting her chin on them and looking up at Clarke, waiting for her to stop giggling.

Her giggles slowly subsiding, Clarke looked down at Lexa, stroking her fingers through her hair. "Can I help you?" she asked, letting out another stream of giggles when Lexa raised her brow at her.

Finally, she seemed to have gotten control of herself, though she couldn't help smiling down at Lexa's own smirk. "You good now?" Lexa asked teasingly.

"Well, my girlfriend's on top of me in bed. Why wouldn't I be good?" She grinned down at Lexa, eyes shining with happiness.

Lexa pushed up and kissed Clarke's chin, then her nose, her forehead, and finally settled for a slow but chaste kiss to the lips. "I thought I was going to lose you to lack of oxygen there for a second," she teased.

Clarke rolled her eyes, trailing her hands up and down Lexa's back and slowly working on bunching her shirt up. "If that were true, laying down on top of me probably wouldn't have helped."

"I wanted to make sure I was close enough to help if you needed me."

"You aren't the lightest, you know?"

Lexa gasped. "Are you calling me fat?"

"I'm saying," Clarke finally had Lexa's shirt bunched up enough to get her hands under it, letting her fingers trail over Lexa's well defined back, "that you're muscly."

"I think you called me fat."

Clarke pushed Lexa up by her torso, sitting up with her and grabbing the bottom of her shirt to pull it off in one smooth movement. "This," she said, leaning down to kiss Lexa's shoulder and across her collarbone to her other shoulder, "is definitely not fat."

"Good. Because I work hard on this," Lexa said, waving her hand up and down her body to show off her toned torso.

Clarke hummed. "Why don't you let me truly appreciate just how much hard work you've put into it?" she asked huskily, her breath teasing over Lexa's bare shoulder.

"And just how would you do that?" Lexa asked, wrapping her arms around Clarke to press her hands against her back, melting into the soft kisses Clarke was still leaving against her collarbones.

"Like this," Clarke said as her only warning before tossing Lexa off of her to land on her back on the bed. She followed quickly, covering Lexa's body with her own.

Lexa gasped in surprise before quickly recovering and taking hold of Clarke's sides, her fingers teasing across the grooves of Clarke's ribs. "I think I like where this is going. You sure you're not too tired?" she asked, brow quirked teasingly.

Clarke hovered barely a hairsbreadth above her, their breathing mingling in the small space between them. "Never too tired for you, love."

Lexa hummed in approval. "Then appreciate all you'd like."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's the bachelorette party for Octaven. I hope you all enjoyed it. The chapter was longer because, again, I don't think I'm going to be able to pull off the twice a week like I was hoping. Also, sorry this was posted so late in the day. It has been a seriously crazy week, and I'm lucky I've found time to post it at all. 
> 
> If you were planning a bachelorette/bachelor party for your best friend, what would you do? Or if someone was planning one for you, what would you want? Better yet, if you've already experienced either of those, do you have any great stories from them?
> 
> Next week may be a little weird with the update, just a warning. I'm moving, so I'm not even completely sure if one will be put up next week. I will definitely try to, though. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me through this so far. Time is going to start passing a bit quicker in the coming chapters, and we'll have some time jumps into the future. It helps the story progress, and I'm hoping you'll all like it still. 
> 
> Your comments/requests (which I haven't gotten any of recently AT ALL)/Kudos are always loved so much. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv


	51. You Wear white and I'll Wear Out the Words "I Love You"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nerves, dresses, painting, and a celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE TARDINESS OF THIS UPDATE. I've been so busy with my move and getting settled, and I just haven't had the time to update. So here's a longer one for your patience with me. 
> 
> Without further ado, the Octaven Wedding.

"I'm going to pass out."

Clarke rolled her eyes, remembering vividly just a few nights previous when she had heard the exact same thing from the exact same lips.

"You're not going to pass out, Rae," she said, smoothing her hands down her dress as she looked in the mirror to make sure everything was laying right. She had already helped Raven into her dress, and made sure her makeup was impeccable. She just needed to make sure she was ready to lead the way down the aisle for them. Speaking of, she needed to go check on Octavia's progress. While Bellamy knows how to take care of his little sister, she only had so much faith in him making sure she was ready to walk down the aisle in...

She looked at her watch (which she needed to hand off to Lexa before the ceremony because it hardy went with her dress).

Half an hour.

Crap.

"Okay, Rae." She spun from the mirror to find Raven sitting slumped over on one of the chairs in the dressing room, her head in her hands. Walking over quickly, she knelt down in front of her best friend. "Raven, look at me." She grasped Raven's upper arms, rubbing her thumbs back and forth soothingly. When Raven finally glanced up at her, she continued. "You need to take a deep breath and calm down. You aren't going to pass out. Octavia isn't going to change her mind. Nothing is going to go wrong."

* * *

 

"No, no, no. This is all _wrong_ ," Octavia cried, twisting in front of the mirror to look at the back of her dress which wasn't laying right and was actually bunching up around the zipper for _no reason_. "How could this dress have been perfect earlier this week, and then be screwed up today? Does that even happen? What kind of luck is that?" She spun around to look at her brother, throwing her hand up in frustration. "And don't even get me started on that bouquet. What is _that_?"

Bellamy cringed and inched away from his furious sister. "It looks fine, O. And maybe if I just give the dress a little tug--"

"You are not _touching_ this dress. I can't trust you not to tear a bomber jacket, so I definitely can't trust you near this. And the flowers are a mess! It doesn't look anything like what we ordered." She took a deep breath, chewing on her lip to stave off the tears that were threatening to fall. "Who I need is--"

There was a knock at the door and Bellamy nearly ran to it, letting out an incredibly deep breath of relief when he saw who was on the other side. " _Lexa_."

Lexa looked at him in confusion before glancing behind him to see Octavia behaving like a nervous wreck. "Clarke asked me to come check on you. I'm taking it you need some help."

"That's an understatement," Bellamy mumbled under his breath.

Octavia glared at him. "Why are you even here?"

"Good question. I'll wait for you in the hall." And with that, he pulled Lexa into the room, running out into the hall and letting the door slam shut behind him.

Lexa stared at the closed door for a second before turning back to Octavia. _Here goes nothing._

"What's wrong?" she asked tentatively. She cleared her throat and stood straighter, trying to seem completely in control. She could totally channel the Commander at a time like this. That was acceptable, right?

"What _isn't_ wrong is a better question. My dress isn't fitting right, the flowers are completely wrong, I haven't seen Raven since yesterday morning, my shoes hurt, I forgot my mascara at home, and I think the caterer is running late."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Lexa said, inching forward with her hands out placatingly. "Let's take that one at a time. What's wrong with your dress?"

Octavia spun around again, showing Lexa how the fabric was bunched up at the back. "I can't figure out why it's doing that. It _shouldn't_ be doing that. It fit fine earlier this week."

Lexa stepped forward and pulled at the zipper slightly, noting that it was snagged on the underlining of the dress. "The zipper's just stuck. Give me a second."

Moments later, the zipper was up and the dress was laying correctly. Octavia's shoulders slumped in relief as she looked the dress over in the mirror.

"Alright. One down. What else?"

"The flowers," Octavia said, pointing over to her bouquet that was laying on the small table in her dressing room. "The colors are all wrong."

Lexa picked up the bouquet and looked it over. She rearranged some of the flowers, pulling the ones that had the right prominent color to the sides and the center so they were more visible, letting the other colors fill in the rest. She went out into the hall and took a couple of flowers out of some of the arrangements in the hall to make the right colors stand out even more, returning to the room moments later. After looking it over once more, she held it out to Octavia for examination. Octavia's eyes lit up in wonder.

"How did you do that?"

Lexa shrugged. "I like flowers."

"My shoes hurting?"

Lexa took her purse off her shoulder, setting it down on the table to dig through it quickly. She pulled out heel gels and handed them to Octavia. "Put those in the back of your shoes. They'll help with the blistering."

Octavia did as she was told, hopping on one foot while trying to get her shoe back on afterward. "Mascara?"

Lexa held up a tube of mascara, having retrieved it from her bag as well. "Clarke told me to bring you this. It was why I actually came by. She said she saw it at your apartment this morning when she went by to grab your dress for you. How did you forget your dress, anyway?"

Octavia shrugged, straightening up after finally getting her shoes back on, and took the tube from Lexa. "It was a busy morning. I was frazzled."

Lexa rolled her eyes, not saying anything else as Octavia turned from her to look in the mirror and apply her mascara.

"The caterer?" Octavia asked while applying her mascara. She brushed the wand over her lashes, glancing at Lexa through the mirror.

"Clarke called him. He should be here in a few minutes and will start immediately on setting everything up. And he's giving you all a twenty-five percent discount for being late."

"Awesome," Octavia said, twisting the tube of mascara closed. "How are you and Clarke so prepared for everything? Today has been so hectic and crazy. I think I would have lost my head by now if it wasn't attached." She turned back to Lexa, a soft, nervous smile on her lips.

"We aren't the ones getting married." Lexa took a seat in one of the chairs around the small table, Octavia taking the other moments later.

Octavia chewed on her lip in thought while Lexa stayed quiet to let her figure out what she wanted to say. Finally, after minutes of silence between the two, Octavia spoke. "I'm nervous."

"I can tell."

"Don't be an ass."

Lexa held up her hands in surrender. "You're allowed to be nervous," she said softly, letting her hands fall back into her lap slowly. "It's your wedding day, after all."

A dopey grin spread across Octavia's lips. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"That grin is what you should be feeling, though. What exactly are you nervous about?"

Octavia finally looked to Lexa, her brow furrowing in thought. "What if I'm not good enough for her? What if she decides she doesn't want to marry me at the last second? Or what if we do get married, and years down the road she decides that she's had enough of me? She so brilliant and deserves so much. She could do anything she set her mind to. What if I'm just holding her back from all of that? What if she doesn't really love me as much as I love her? What if--"

Lexa held up a hand and cut her off. "Whoa. You need to stop right there. Have you even seen Raven look at you? You're everything to her. I don't think I've ever seen someone look at someone else with so much love in their eyes. It's kind of gag worthy."

Octavia let out a watery laugh. "Have you seen the way you look at Clarke? Commander Heart Eyes isn't just a random nickname."

Lexa waved her off. "We're not talking about me and Clarke. Look, Octavia." She leaned forward, her arms resting on the table between them, and looked Octavia directly in the eye. "Raven loves you with everything in her. Anyone can see that. Just the same as anyone can see that you love Raven just as much. If anyone can make it through this life together, it's you two. I've never seen a couple balance each other out as well as you two do. You've chosen each other. To love each other. To live for each other. Both of you. You deserve each other."

Octavia breathed out shakily, closing her eyes for a second. "I think that's the most I've ever heard you say in one go," she teased when she opened her eyes again. She looked much calmer to Lexa, and there was a spark of humor in her eyes that wasn't there before.

Lexa scoffed and pushed off the table, standing up from her chair. She turned to exit the room, wanting to go let Clarke know that Octavia was good to go, when she paused for a moment, hand on the doorknob. "You know, Raven's just as nervous."

Octavia's face scrunched in confusion. "What for?"

Chuckling, Lexa pulled the door open, turning back to look at Octavia again. "The exact same reasons you were. You're more perfect for each other than you realize, I think." With that, she pulled the door closed behind her.

When she turned, Bellamy was standing opposite her, leaning against the other wall. "How is she?" he grumbled out, brooding with his arms crossed over his chest.

Lexa shrugged. "Better. You can probably go back in now. Just don't mess anything up."

Bellamy pushed off the wall, stopping Lexa when she moved to walk away. "Wait, Lexa." She paused in her steps and looked at him curiously. "Thank you. For helping her. That was... very kind of you."

Lexa shrugged again. "She's my friend. It's what friend's do. Now, I need to get to Clarke."

Bellamy waved her off, grabbing the doorknob to Octavia's dressing room. "Yeah, yeah. Go to your girl. And I thought Raven was whipped."

Lexa just rolled her eyes and walked away, not bothering to dignify that with a response.

* * *

 

 

Clarke pulled the door to Raven's dressing room open after hearing the soft knock. She smiled and pulled Lexa in for a quick kiss when she saw her.

"What was that for?" Lexa asked, still basking in the loving caress.

Clarke placed one more chaste kiss to Lexa's lips before pulling her into the room. "For saving the day. Bellamy texted me."

"Of course he did," Lexa grumbled under her breath. She quickly turned to Raven when Clarke looked at her questioningly. "You look good."

Raven scoffed. "Good? I look fucking fantastic. Ten out of ten would marry." She looked at herself in the mirror once more before motioning to the door. "Time to go?"

Lexa shook her head. "Not for you. You still have a few minutes, anyway. Clarke needs to come with me, though." She took Clarke's hand in her own and led her back to the door. "The canvas is all set up for you, but we wanted to make sure it was where you wanted it," she explained when Clarke raised a brow in question. "See you later, Reyes." She waved at Raven and pulled Clarke out the door.

And then promptly pushed her up against the wall, claiming her lips with her own. Clarke moaned into the kiss, hands gripping at Lexa's shoulders, as Lexa's tongue ran across her lower lip.

When the kiss was just heating up to be almost inappropriate for public places, Lexa pulled back.

"What was that for?" Clarke asked, eyes closed and breathing heavily.

Lexa wasn't recovering much better. "You look absolutely ravishing. You're lucky I waited to do that until we were out of Raven's sight."

"Check on the canvas, huh?" Clarke asked teasingly, fingers scratching softly at the back of Lexa's neck.

Lexa hummed and pulled back further, taking Clarke's hands in her own. "Actually, we do need to go do that. And make sure everything you need is up there and easily accessible. The last thing we want to happen is you tramping all over the stage for a certain brush or pallet."

Clarke rolled her eyes but let Lexa lead her down to the room the ceremony was to take place in. "We all know I'm the star of the show anyway."

"You'll definitely be the one I'm watching the whole time."

Clarke laughed. "Don't lie. You're going to be tearing up watching our friends finally get married. I know you're just a big softie." She pulled Lexa to a stop right outside of the main room.

"I am not a softie, Clarke. I will be perfectly serene throughout the entire ceremony."

"Which is why you brought tissues."

"For Anya."

Clarke looked at her expectantly.

"Okay, as a precaution. In case anyone around us needs them."

Clarke wound her arms around Lexa's neck, careful not to mess up her hair. "Lexa Woods, are you lying to me?" she teased.

Lexa's hands found their usual place on Clarke's hips. "I would never lie to you, Clarke."

"Uh-huh. So those tissues definitely weren't for you?" She raised a brow, knowing without a doubt that Lexa had added those to her bag for herself.

"It's always good to be prepared, Clarke," Lexa said haughtily.

Clarke rolled her eyes, grinning up at her girlfriend. She leaned up and placed a quick kiss to her lips. "Whatever you say, love."

Lexa huffed in exasperation. "Shouldn't you be heading up to the stage?" She pushed Clarke back a little, turning her by her hips toward the doors.

"Pushy today, aren't you?"

"Maybe I just want to see you walk down the aisle from behind. Because hopefully it'll be from the alter next time."

Clarke turned back to look at her, a huge smile brightening up her features. "That was smooth."

Lexa just shrugged nonchalantly, though she couldn't keep her own smile at bay. "Or maybe I just want to stare at your ass."

"Oh no. You can't take it back now. You want to _marry_ me." Clarke laughed when Lexa rolled her eyes, huffing in exasperation.

"I think I've made that quite clear by now."

Clarke waved her off, still smiling widely. "Maybe. But it's still nice to hear."

Another eye roll met her, along with an even bigger smile. "Well, I want to marry you. But for now, get down that aisle and up on that stage so our friends can get married."

Clarke saluted jokingly, turning back to the room once again.

(And if she swayed her hips a little more, knowing Lexa was watching her walk down the aisle in her form fitting dress... well, who could blame her? Her girlfriend deserved a bit of a show.)

* * *

 

_Showtime_.

Clarke turned around, looking to Raven who stood behind her. "You ready, Reyes?"

Raven fiddled with the ring box in her hands, chewing on her bottom lip. Her eyes darted around the foyer of the reception hall, darting from flower arrangements to light fixtures and settling on the back doors quickly before looking back to Clarke.

"Not getting cold feet, are you?" Clarke asked, brow quirked.

Raven shook her head adamantly. "Not at all. Just worried I'm going to hear a door slamming any second."

"She's not going to change her mind, Raven."

"She still has time."

"But she won't."

"I wouldn't blame her if she did."

"Raven."

"Clarke.

Clarke rolled her eyes, adjusting the small bouquet in her hands. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you were scared." If she couldn't get Raven to just _relax_ , maybe she'd appeal to her pride instead. "Afraid you're going to trip or something, Reyes? Not coordinated enough to make it down the aisle on your own?"

Raven glared at Clarke. "I know what you're doing."

"Do you?"

"Yes. And it's not going to work."

"Isn't it?"

Raven's eyes squinted as her glare deepened. "No. It's not."

Grinning smugly, Clarke pointed to Raven's hands. "But look at that. You aren't fidgeting anymore."

Raven looked down at her hands, and sure enough, they were calm and not twitchy or fidgety anymore. She let her hands fall to her sides, the ring box firmly grasped in her right hand. "Don't be so smug about it."

Clarke shrugged, smirking as she turned back around to face the closed doors to the main room. "Can't blame me for knowing my best friend well." The music started in the room, which was Clarke's cue to make her entrance. She glanced over her shoulder quickly. "But don't actually trip. I don't think Octavia would be too happy to find her fiancé all banged up from falling down the aisle, no matter how much you've fallen for her."

Raven rolled her eyes and shooed Clarke on. "Yeah whatever, smartass. Just get up there and get started. Don't want you screwing up the whole ceremony because you can't finish the damn painting."

"I forgot how much you curse when you're stressed."

" _Clarke_."

"Okay, okay. I'm going. Jeez. You'd think you were in a hurry to get married or something." She looked forward again and nodded to the man waiting to open the door for her, hearing Raven scoff behind her at her comment. She smiled, proud of herself for making Raven calm down again, and entered the hall at a measured walk.

Raven watched her best friend lead the way down the aisle, the doors closing behind her once again. Raven's hands went back to fidgeting with the ring box when she realized she was alone again. It wouldn't be so bad if she had someone there with her. But now she was left to her own thoughts, and she had to make her own way down the aisle, into her future, without a helping hand. She should have just agreed to walk down the aisle with Clarke. Why did she have to be so stubborn?

Someone cleared their voice to her left, and Raven snapped her gaze over to them.

"Abby? What are you doing out here?" Raven asked, her brow scrunched in confusion. All the guests should have been escorted to their seats already. Her eyes darted to one of the ushers, her glare already forming and her rant on the tip of her tongue.

Abby stepped closer, drawing Raven's gaze back to her. "I thought you may like some company on your walk. And, seeing as Clarke's already been assigned a duty, I was hoping I could have the honor of walking you down the aisle."

If anyone asked, Raven's eyes were definitely dry and _were not_ tearing up. No way. She wasn't getting emotional at the idea of Abby Griffin, the woman she looked up to like a mother after her own parents failed so spectacularly at raising her, wanting to walk her down the aisle. She wasn't about to cry. She _wasn't_.

"I would love that, Abby," Raven choked out. She cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the lump that had formed. "I was actually going to ask you before if you would, but I wasn't sure if--"

Abby waved her off, holding out her arm for Raven to take. "You don't need to explain yourself. But you do need to know that I have always thought of you as a second daughter." The music for Raven's entry started up, and they began walking to the door that the usher opened for them. "And, while your parents may not be here for you today--"

"Or any day," Raven mumbled under her breath.

Abby chuckled. "Or any day. Though they aren't here, I'm glad to try to ease the burden a little."

The congregation of attendees stood as Raven walked in, all turning to look at her. Clarke looked away from her painting on the stage, looking first at Abby and then Raven, a wide smile breaking across her face at the sight. Raven smiled back, though her own was a bit more wobbly.

"This means the world to me, Abby."

"Are you getting soft on me, Reyes?" Abby teased quietly. They kept their voices down and smiles on, not wanting those watching them to know what they were discussing. For all anyone else knew, Abby was always going to walk her down the aisle.

There were huge smiles on every face of those who did realize the change, though.

Because Raven deserved to be loved and cared for by someone like Abby. She didn't deserve to walk down the aisle alone.

Raven scoffed and rolled her eyes jokingly. "Are you kidding me? Tough as nails here."

They stopped at the end of the aisle, the congregation taking their seats once again. Turning to face each other, Abby let Raven's arm fall from hers to instead take her hand. "That tear would say otherwise."

Raven quickly wiped at her cheek, noting that it was a little damp. "Shut up."

"Is that any way to talk to the woman who just walked you down the aisle?" Abby asked, brow quirked teasingly.

"Would you expect anything less from your fake, sort-of daughter?"

Abby shook her head, her smile soft and loving. She reached up and cupped Raven's cheek, wiping her thumb across the trail her tear had left. "I'd expect nothing less from my _daughter_ , Raven." She leaned in and kissed Raven's other cheek, giving the hand in hers a quick squeeze. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mama G."

Abby laughed, her eyes crinkling in joy. "You ready to get married, kiddo?"

"So ready." Raven nodded once, determination taking over her features, though her smile still shone through.

Abby nodded back, letting go of Raven's hand and taking a step away from her. "Get up there then. I think someone's waiting to make an entrance." Both of them looked back to the now closed doors quickly before moving apart, Abby taking her seat and Raven moving to stand in front of the minister.

Fiddling with her dress, Raven looked around the room, noting all of her friends looking up at her proudly. She smiled at them, rolling her eyes when she looked to Lexa to see her wink quickly.

She looked to Clarke, her best friend, the one that got her through all of the drama and stress that growing up entailed. Honestly, they were each other's rocks in the hardest of situations. Raven didn't think she'd be there today if it weren't for Clarke. And now, on her wedding day, there Clarke was, on the stage with her, ready to share the most important day of her life with her. Of course, Clarke wasn't even looking at Raven as she watched her. No, Clarke was facing away from the congregation and Raven, painting across a huge canvas that stood on the stage. She had thrown a smock over her dress, refusing to let the paints ruin the beautiful fabric, but her hands were already covered with splotches of different colors. From the looks of it, Clarke was using her hands more than the brushes they had provided her with for most of whatever she was painting at the moment.

The canvas was covered in multitudes of colors, and Raven honestly had no idea what Clarke was painting just yet. There were spots that were still clear of any paint, and some areas were darker in tone than others, but there was no way she could figure it out just yet. Clarke had been adamant that she wanted to surprise both Raven and Octavia with her gift, refusing to give either of them even a hint of what she'd be painting up there. For all she knew, Clarke could be painting something highly inappropriate.

She chuckled at the thought. As if Clarke would do something like that on her wedding day.

Her brow scrunched as she watched her best friend, but she shook her head quickly. No. She wouldn't embarrass them like that. Not today. _Though, it would be funny_ , Raven thought, smirking a little at the idea. She turned back to face the closed doors at the other end of the aisle, deciding to just trust Clarke's judgement. She knew whatever her best friend made would be amazing and probably museum worthy.

And then the opening notes of "Marry Me" began, Patrick Monahan's voice joining in moments later on the track, and the back doors were pulled open. The congregation stood, looking back at the door and waiting. Raven's breath froze in her chest as first Bellamy appeared around the corner and then...

And then.

And then there was Octavia, eyes shining as she looked directly up at Raven, their gazes never wavering. She seemed miles away, and yet at the same moment as if it was just them in the room, no space between them. Raven felt she could breathe again, Octavia's presence almost breathing life back into her. It was inexplainable. Impossible even. There was nothing in the world that would ever compare to watching the love of her life meet her eyes and walk down a perfect wedding aisle to take her hand. The hand that she was now holding out, waiting for Bellamy to hand Octavia off to her.

From the love and protection of one to the other.

"God you're beautiful," Raven mumbled, awestruck as Octavia took her hand and stepped closer.

Octavia laughed lightly under her breath. "You're one to talk."

Raven's lips quirked up into a soft smile. "Are you ready for this?"

Squeezing her hand gently, Octavia smiled back, just as softly. "I think I've been ready for this all my life."

"Feels that way, doesn't it?" A throat cleared behind them and Raven quickly looked behind her shoulder to see the minister looking at her expectantly (though clearly amused at their distraction). "I think that's our cue."

"I think we missed our cue, actually," Octavia said around a soft laugh. "Let's get married, yeah?"

"Hell yeah," Raven said, a little louder than she may have meant to as those in the first few rows of seats all started laughing at the statement. Even Clarke coughed out a laugh from where she was behind the minister on the stage, having clearly heard Raven's blunder. Raven blushed lightly, smiling sheepishly at Octavia who just grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Come on Reyes. I gotta change your last name."

"So demanding," Raven teased as she led Octavia back to the minister.

Octavia shrugged, coming to a stop beside Raven where they were supposed to be standing. "You love it."

"If you're both ready?" the minister prompted, looking at them expectantly with a spark of mirth in his eyes.

"I can't even explain how ready I am," Raven said, turning to face Octavia and taking both of her hands in her own.

The minister chuckled. "I'm pretty sure you already have." He cleared his throat, and began speaking louder so the congregation could hear him. "We are gathered here today to join Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake in marriage..."

* * *

 

"And now, for the first time, introducing: Mrs. And Mrs. Reyes-Blake!"

The people gathered in the reception hall cheered as Raven and Octavia entered hand in hand, smiling broadly at their new titles.

And Clarke watched on from where she sat at the wedding party's table. She smiled warmly at the sight, laughing when Octavia swooped Raven into an extravagant kiss to the hollers and cheers of all their friends and family.

The chair beside her was pulled out abruptly and Lexa sat down. "Someone's enjoying themselves," she said around a laugh, nodding in the direction of Raven and Octavia who were so wrapped up in each other they hadn't even made it to the table yet. Every time they tried, one or the other pulled them to a stop again for another quick kiss. Well, sometimes it was quick, anyway.

Clarke nodded with a laugh, leaning back into Lexa's shoulder behind her as she sat slightly sideways in her own chair. Lexa's arm came up around the back of her chair, wrapping loosely around her so her hand was hanging in front of Clarke. "They definitely seem to be, don't they?"

Lexa hummed in response, and when Clarke turned to look at her, she found a small smile gracing her lips as she watched their friends. Clarke nudged her lightly, drawing her girlfriend's attention to her.

"What?" Lexa asked quietly.

She pressed a soft kiss to Lexa's jaw, nudging Lexa's cheek with her nose when she pulled away. "Thank you."

Lexa's brow scrunched in confusion. "What for? I haven't even done anything."

"You kind of saved the day earlier. Taking care of Octavia, helping me out, scaring the caterer into getting here quickly and giving them a discount."

Lexa breathed out a laugh. "He was easily persuaded."

"The Commander tone helped. And the glare when he got here."

Lexa shrugged. "It was nothing. Just doing what a friend would do."

Clarke pulled away slightly and turned to face Lexa fully. "You're being awfully humble today. And after being the hero and saving the day."

"We are what we are, Clarke." Lexa smirked and quickly leaned in to give Clarke a kiss. "You can thank me for it later."

"Ah, the ulterior motive has shown itself," Clarke said, shaking her head with a smile of her own.

"And here we thought she was helping just because she cared about us," Raven said, cutting into the conversation as she and Octavia finally joined the table. They took their seats to the left of Clarke at the center of the table.

Lexa looked around Clarke to see both Octavia and Raven looking at her expectantly. "You should have known better."

"On our own wedding day, too. Who invited her, anyway?" Raven looked to Octavia, her brow quirked in question.

Clarke turned in her seat to face forward again, looking over at her two best friends. Their hands were still locked together, pulled into Raven's lap as they sat there. Even pretending to be slightly frustrated, neither could get the huge smiles off of their faces.

"Do you even need to ask? No Lexa, no Clarke. It was a package deal." Octavia leaned her elbow on the table, resting her head against her hand as she looked down the line of her friends. Her brother sat to her other side, but he was involved in a conversation with Murphy, who sat beside him.

Lexa's lips dropped into a slight frown. "I distinctly remember getting a personal invitation from you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Raven said, looking away from Lexa and jutting her chin in the air.

"Remind me to never help her propose again," Lexa said to Clarke, letting her fingers trail across her bare upper back as she withdrew her arm. She grabbed her wineglass and took a long draw from it. "And to think, I crawled through the mud for her."

"I know, babe," Clarke said placatingly, patting Lexa's knee. "You were very brave."

"Hell yeah, I was. Never again, Reyes." She glared over Clarke to Raven, finding the other girl sticking her tongue out at her already.

"Well," Octavia cut in, softly grabbing Raven's chin with her fingertips and turning her so she could kiss her again. "Hopefully you won't have the occasion to do so again, anyway," she finished after pecking Raven's lips again.

Raven smiled widely, unable to contain her happiness.

"Just wait until she screws up. I'm sure there will be some huge 'I'm sorry' of some sort that's going to involve fireworks. And who is she going to ask? Clarke and me. And who's going to help her?"

"Clarke and you," Clarke cut in. "Because they're our friends, and we care about them."

Lexa scoffed. "Says you."

"Says you," Clarke said challengingly. "Who was it that refused to let me go help Octavia because she wanted to go herself? And then actually snuck away from me to go check up on her while I was distracted helping Raven?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lexa said, mimicking Raven's earlier comment and motions, jutting her chin in the air defiantly.

"Wait. You didn't sent her, Clarke?" Octavia asked, leaning over Raven to get closer to the couple. "She said you sent her to help."

Clarke shook her head. "Nope. This one decided she wanted to be the one to help you after Bellamy texted me that you were having a bit of a breakdown."

"I was not having a breakdown."

"You definitely were," Bellamy cut in quickly before turning away again at Octavia's glare.

Lexa shrugged when Octavia looked back at her again. "Clarke was busy with your wife." At the title, both Octavia and Raven lit up, looking to each other again with huge smiles spreading across their faces.

" _My wife_ can definitely be a handful," Octavia agreed, not looking away from Raven.

Raven chuckled softly. "And yet _my wife_ was the one that needed Lexa to come to the rescue."

"While _my wife_ was distracting our maid of honor."

"One person can only do so much," Clarke said with a shrug, drawing Raven and Octavia out of their gaze to look back at her again.

"Speaking of only doing so much, thank you for everything you've done for today," Octavia said sincerely. She reached over Raven to grab Clarke's hand and give it a squeeze. "I don't know what we would have done without you." She looked over Clarke to Lexa quickly. "Both of you."

Lexa just shrugged, averting her gaze in a failed attempt to hide her smile. Clarke rolled her eyes at her girlfriend. "It was our pleasure. Really, it was a lot of fun," Clarke said, smiling widely. "How often does someone get to say they got to play with paint at their best friends' wedding?"

Octavia and Raven laughed. "Not often, I'd guess," Raven admitted. "Also, where is the painting? I want to get a better look at it."

Clarke pointed to where the ushers had set up the painting against the wall, well away from where anyone could accidentally rub up against it and get wet paint on themselves. "They brought it down while you two were taking some of your photos," she explained.

Raven's eyes lit up at the sight of it, and she grabbed Clarke's hand in her free hand to pull both her and Octavia to their feet as she stood. Without explanation (though none was actually needed) she dragged both of them over to the canvas to get a better look at it.

It really was one of Clarke's best works, if she could say so herself. While it was beautiful at a distance, it was even more so up close. The beauty was in the details. She had painted what amassed to a night sky in the background, though much more colorful than most would imagine. Thousands of stars speckled the colorful expanse. And from one side, swirls of reds and yellows reached out to meet waves of blues and purples that extended from the other side, twining together in the form of two bodies wrapped around each other, bleeding into each other.

"This is amazing, Clarke," Raven breathed out, at a loss for words.

Octavia reached forward a second before dropping her hand back to her side. "Amazing isn't adequate to describe this."

They both tore their gazes away from the painting, looking to Clarke. Clarke felt her cheeks heat up, and she waved them off. "It's not that great. I mean, I like it. And I'm glad you both seem to as well. Especially since it's your wedding present. It'd suck if you didn't like it at all." She rambled, laughing it off.

Raven and Octavia looked to each other quickly, both rolling their eyes at Clarke's response, before lurching forward and pulling her into a group hug.

"It's amazing, Clarke."

"The best present we'll receive," Octavia agreed.

Clarke laughed, wrapping her arms around her best friends and trying to hold in her tears. They were married. Her best friends were married, and it was just starting to hit her. "Don't let Mom know that," she teased, pulling away and wiping at her eyes. "She arranged for you both to spend the week at the cabin. With some excursions for you to go on, of course."

"She what?" Raven asked, jaw dropped.

Clarke shrugged, trying to pull herself together again. "Yeah. She wanted to get you two a week away from life to spend a while basking in the 'newly-wed glow'. Her words, not mine."

Raven stared at her, mouth agape as she tried to process what Clarke just said. Octavia rolled her eyes and tapped Raven's chin, getting her to close her mouth.

"Still the best?" Clarke challenged with a laugh.

Raven looked quickly from the painting to where Mrs. Griffin was sitting at the head table, talking to Bellamy and Murphy. "You know, Griffins give the best gifts," she finally went with, neither giving a confirmation or a denial.

Clarke laughed again, pulling her friends back into a hug. "I'm so happy for you both," she said quietly so only they could hear.

Octavia chuckled, her voice thick with emotion. "Just wait a bit and we'll be right back here, but celebrating you two," she said, pulling back and nodding to Lexa who was standing a few feet away, smiling at the group.

"And then we get to shower you with all the _love_ ," Raven sang, swinging over to Lexa and grabbing her arm just to lean against her shoulder. "Aren't you looking forward to that?"

Lexa looked at her skeptically. "Aren't you about to miss your first dance with your wife?" she deflected.

Raven jumped at that, her entire being lighting up in excitement once again. (Clarke figured the excitement at hearing Octavia being called her wife wouldn't wear off for quite a while. And she couldn't blame her for that at all.)

She quickly pulled away from Lexa, instead grabbing ahold of Octavia's hand and pulling her to the dance floor where the DJ had been trying to get their attention for the past few minutes. The music started up quickly, the lights turning down to set the mood for the couple's first dance as wives.

Lexa moved to Clarke's side, wrapping her arm around her waist as they watched their friends sway to the music, oblivious to anyone but themselves.

Clarke sniffed, wiping her eyes quickly when she felt herself tearing up again. She had thought she was in the clear when she made it through the ceremony without crying. Apparently that had been a false hope.

"You alright, love?"

Clarke nodded, rolling her eyes at herself. "Just getting over emotional, obviously."

Lexa laughed, squeezing Clarke to her side. "It really is beautiful, Clarke. You did a wonderful job." She nodded to the painting beside them. "I'm slightly jealous."

Clarke looked up at Lexa, grinning cheekily. "Why be jealous of the art when you have the artist?"

"Fair point," Lexa admitted with a chuckle, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Clarke's lips.

"I'm kind of disappointed, though," Clarke said when they broke apart, looking over to the painting again.

"And why's that?"

"They didn't notice the best part." She pointed to the bottom right hand corner of the painting. Lexa looked at it closer, chuckling when she noticed the text.

_'It's not rocket science...'_ was painted in Clarke's easy, loopy script in white paint.

"Appropriate," Lexa said, turning to wrap both arms around Clarke's waist

She pressed her forehead to Clarke's temple and breathed her in, soaking in the wedding's atmosphere. Clarke leaned into the touch, relishing in the love she felt surrounding her.

"Soon," Lexa promised, kissing Clarke's cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! I hope it was all you ever hoped for for those two dorks. They deserve all the happiness. 
> 
> I can't promise that there will be another chapter by the end of this week. But I am trying to get back on a reasonable schedule for updating. Just please, please stick with me and be flexible on this thing. There's so much going on in life, and I barely have time to sleep right now. 
> 
> Comments, requests and kudos are my favorite things, and I would greatly appreciate them. You can also find me on Tumblr @musiclurv


	52. Tell Me that I'm Special Even when I Know I'm Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving, anxiety, and walks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Thanks for sticking with me so far with all the crazy scheduling that's been going on. This chapters is another longer one, so maybe that'll make up for the wait. Enjoy!

The week that Raven and Octavia were gone, Clarke, Lexa and Anya got to work moving everyone to their new homes. Anya moved out rather quickly, not wanting to have to experience Clarke and Lexa in their newly living-together bliss. (As opposed to the newly-wed bliss that Clarke very much wanted to avoid when Octavia and Raven returned from their trip.)

They recruited Bellamy to move Octavia's things into what was now her and Raven's apartment, though Octavia had been doing so slowly for a while. Sure enough, they only had to move a couple pieces of furniture and a few boxes when it came to finishing up for her. They decided to leave the unpacking to the happy couple.

Clarke took all of her things from her apartment, boxing up clothes, books, movies, and anything else she could think of. She raided their bathroom, grabbing everything she declared was hers, and some extra things because "They're married and can buy their own tampons now, Lexa. I'm a broke med student who needs all the help she can get."

Lexa had just rolled her eyes, reminding Clarke that she also owned tampons. To which Clarke just waved her hand and said they'd probably need more eventually.

(It turned out Anya had taken all of theirs, so when Lexa's time of the month came around, she was forever grateful that Clarke had insisted on taking all of them with her.)

In all, it took about three days to move everyone to their new apartments. Anya took care of most of her work by herself after they moved everything to her apartment, saying she didn't need anyone to help her unpack. "I'm a big girl, Lex. I tie my own shoes and everything."

Again, Lexa rolled her eyes and left her sister to do her bidding. She still felt like she was kicking Anya out of their apartment, and helping her unpack would have been a sort of penitence to that. But if she refused her help, Lexa could do nothing else about it.

She and Clarke walked into their apartment, the last of Clarke's boxes in Lexa's arms. She walked in behind Clarke, letting her girlfriend lead the way.

Clarke stopped in the middle of the living room, looking around blankly. Lexa placed her box down on the coffee table (Anya let her keep most of the furniture because she wanted to 'reinvent' herself by splurging on new stuff).

"Are you alright, Clarke?" Lexa asked gently, moving closer to Clarke but still giving her some space.

Clarke nodded mutely, back turned to Lexa.

Lexa gave her another moment, waiting for a spoken response of some sort. When she didn't get any, but rather heard a little sniffle, she moved quickly to wrap her arms around Clarke's waist from behind, resting her chin on Clarke's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Clarke mumbled, her voice thick with emotion.

Lexa hummed, starting to sway them back and forth slowly and soothingly. "Seems like something may be a little wrong."

Clarke shook her head, and Lexa saw her bite her bottom lip out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head to burry her face against Clarke's neck.

"Tell me?" Lexa tried again.

Clarke gasped out a laugh, lifting her arms to hold Lexa's around her. "Absolutely nothing is wrong. Everything's actually perfect."

"Then why the tears?"

Clarke sniffled again, reaching up to wipe at her eye stubbornly. "Sentimental drivel," she finally admitted with an almost self deprecating laugh. "Rae and I lived together for five years in that apartment. It's been home for so long."

"Are you regretting agreeing to move out?" Lexa asked gently. She'd never want Clarke to regret moving in with her, but she could understand it at the same time. Maybe she'd rather live in the same apartment complex as before, at least. She could look into that if it was what Clarke wanted. Anya probably wouldn't be too happy about letting this apartment go, though.

Clarke's hands tightened around Lexa's arms. "No, not at all. We just had a lot of memories there. But now," she spun around in Lexa's arms, reaching up to wind her arms around Lexa's neck, "we can make new memories here."

Lexa looked at her skeptically, her brow scrunched in thought. "Are you sure, Clarke? Because we could find somewhere else. Maybe talk to Raven and Octavia about--"

Clarke shook her head adamantly, cutting Lexa off before she could go on. "No. Absolutely not. I love this apartment, and I'm going to love living in it with you. This is our home now. And I am so, _so_ excited to make memories with you here." Clarke's smile turned absolutely sinful for just a second before her expression melted into a look of innocence. "In fact... I think we could start making some memories right now."

Lexa quirked a brow at her. "By unpacking?" she tried, knowing that was definitely not what Clarke was implying.

Clarke bit her lip to hide her smile, shaking her head in denial.

"That wasn't what you had in mind?"

Clarke shook her head again.

Lexa smirked, looking up to the ceiling as if in deep thought. "Hmm... What could it be that you could possibly want to do to create your first memory of living with me...?" She tapped her chin and hummed again. "Cook dinner, maybe?" Another shake of Clarke's head. "Marathon Harry Potter?"

Clarke glared teasingly at her, tapping her shoulder admonishingly. She tightened her arms around Lexa's shoulders, pulling them closer together. "Keep that thought in mind, though. We could always do with a Harry Potter marathon."

"I thought you'd like that one," Lexa teased.

Clarke hummed, starting to walk them backwards and down the hall toward _their_ bedroom. "Always so eager to please."

"I do my best."

Smirking, Clarke tilted her chin to place a kiss to Lexa's jaw. "Keep it up and I may let you explore my Chamber of Secrets."

Lexa groaned. "Oh my god, Clarke. That was horrible."

They had finally gotten to the bedroom, Lexa kicking the door closed behind them. Clarke looked up at her, laughter shining in her eyes. "Maybe you'd like to _Slytherin_ to bed with me?"

"Clarke, I swear if you don't stop-"

"I must have just had some Felix Felicis because I think I'm about to get lucky."

"Clarke."

"Ready to manage some mischief together? Because I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."

Lexa groaned again. "Why did I agree to move in with you?"

"Hey Lexa, is that a wand in your pocket or--"

Clarke didn't get to finish, instead bursting into a fit of giggles as Lexa tackled her to the bed.

Where she made sure that Clarke forgot how to say anything but Lexa's name for the rest of the night.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

"Clarke, baby. I'm home!" Lexa called. She stopped for a second in the hallway, smiling as she stared off into space. _Home_. With Clarke. _Home with Clarke_. Because they lived together now, and she could come home and announce it to her girlfriend who lived with her in this very apartment. Together. Both of them.

She shook her head to clear it, coming back to the present and the lack of response that she received from her girlfriend. "Clarke?" she called again, walking into the living room to see if Clarke was there. When she didn't find her there, Lexa continued on to the kitchen, then the bedroom, the spare room, and finally to Clarke's studio. _Of course_ , she chided herself when she pushed the door open.

And there was Clarke. Paint splattered and looking radiant as she stared down a canvas. Well, _glared_ down is more correct.

She was chewing on the end of one of her brushes, brow furrowed as she continued to stare at the painting.

"Clarke?" Lexa called again, still receiving no response. Which was when she noticed the earbuds that Clarke was wearing, with music presumably blasting away and making it impossible for her to hear anyone or anything else.

Lexa rolled her eyes and walked toward her girlfriend. To scare or not to scare? That is the question. She stopped a few steps away, considering her options. On the one hand, she could scare Clarke, possibly get paint all over the place, and probably get Clarke angry at her for a moment or two before she was able to win her over with loving kisses. On the other hand, she could try to not scare Clarke, probably still end up scaring her, and then wind up with a frustrated Clarke anyway that she'd have to win over with loving kisses.

She smirked. In the end, it wasn't even a question.

Sneaking forward, she darted her hands out, grabbing Clarke's sides firmly before pressing her front firmly against Clarke's back.

Well, as firmly as she could with Clarke jumping and screaming in her hold.

" _Jesus Christ_ , Lexa!" Clarke gasped out, yanking out her earbuds in frustration. Her brush had gone flying from her hand, paint arching from it to land on the wall (Lexa would convince her later that it definitely looked better that way). Clarke panted in front of her, hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath. "Why would you _do_ that?" She pulled out of Lexa's hold, spinning around to face her.

 _Oops_ , Lexa thought, cringing at the glare that was now directed at her. "You didn't answer me...?" she tried, the answer coming out as more of a question.

"So you decided that scaring me half to death was the best course of action?"

Lexa shrugged innocently. "I was going to scare you either way. I figured I'd have some fun with it."

Clarke looked at her skeptically. "Your definition of 'fun' may need to be reevaluated."

Lexa saw her chance and took it, pushing forward to place a kiss to Clarke's lips. "Clarke, I'm home," she announced again, holding in her laugh at Clarke's indignant expression.

"You think?" Clarke asked, sounding completely exasperated. "How about next time you try not scaring me to announce your presence?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Again with the mis-definition of 'fun'." Clarke rolled her eyes and went to collect her brush, dropping it in a glass full of water to clean it off distractedly. She stared down at the cup as she swirled the brush around, her brow furrowing once again.

Lexa inched toward her when Clarke kept swishing the brush around for much longer than was necessary. "Clarke, love? Is something wrong?" She asked gently. When Clarke didn't answer, she stopped a couple of steps away from her. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

Clarke just shook her head at that, looking up at Lexa through her lashes. "You didn't. I'm sure it was actually very funny." She tried to smile, but it didn't come close to reaching her eyes.

Lexa reached forward and stopped Clarke's hand from swirling the brush around. Clarke darted her gaze away, chewing on her lip. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Lexa tried again, leaning down to try to get Clarke to look at her. When Clarke still refused to meet her eyes, Lexa took her hand and gave it a soft tug. "Alright. How about we get you cleaned up and then get some dinner going?"

Clarke's shoulders drooped, but she nodded nonetheless. Lexa, taking that as her agreement, pulled Clarke along with her into their bathroom.

"Get in the shower and I'll find you a change of clothes." She went to let go of Clarke's hand, but Clarke just held on tighter, pulling Lexa back to look at her when she had turned to leave the bathroom. Clarke quickly leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to Lexa's lips.

When they broke apart, Lexa just smiled softly at Clarke before nudging her toward the shower. "Go on. I'll be right back," she said, moving out of the bathroom to go get Clarke a change of clothes like she said she would.

She lingered in the bedroom longer than she needed to, opting to tidy up a bit so Clarke didn't think she was rushing her by coming back too quickly. It also gave her a minute to try to figure out what was wrong.

They had been living together for a little over a week now, and everything had been running smoothly. Raven and Octavia had even come by for dinner a couple nights previous to then, and Clarke seemed perfectly content with the new arrangements. She was happy for their friends, and Lexa thought she was happy living with her. But maybe she had done something that upset her. Or maybe Clarke just realized she didn't want to live with Lexa.

When she had left for work that morning, Clarke hadn't seemed upset in the least. She actually seemed to be looking forward to her day ahead, which was going to involve a little bit of grocery shopping, stopping by the art gallery to help her boss out with something, and then coming home and just relaxing. So what could have happened between that morning and her finding Clarke painting away her frustrations?

Lexa found herself again shaking her head to clear it of her trailing thoughts. Clarke would tell her whatever it was when she was ready.

She gathered up some comfortable clothes for Clarke - some sweats and one of Lexa's large t-shirts that Clarke always seemed to steal whenever she was feeling down - and brought them to the bathroom. She knocked on the door, having heard the water from the shower stop just moments before. "Clarke?" She called hesitantly. "Do you want me to just leave your clothes out here for you?"

After a moment of silence, Clarke pulled the bathroom door open. Lexa took it as permission to come in, and she did so slowly. She placed Clarke's clothes on the sink counter, looking at her girlfriend worriedly. Clarke had wrapped herself in a towel, and though she looked refreshed, she still looked to be thousands of miles away, lost in thought. She chewed on her lip as she stared unseeingly at the clothes Lexa had just deposited on the counter.

Lexa tapped the clothes with her fingertips before moving to back out of the door again. "Here you go. Take your time. I'm going to be in the kitchen." She backed out, closing the bathroom door when she had passed the threshold.

She let out a deep breath, not realizing that she had been holding so much tension in her body until she felt her shoulders droop with her exhale. She tilted her head forward, almost resting it on the bathroom door, before she jerked back up and went to the kitchen. There was no reason she should be working herself up like this. She didn't even know what was wrong. It could be nothing. _It could be something_ , she thought to herself, glaring at the shelves in the kitchen as she looked for a pan.

She pulled down what she needed, putting the pan on the stove and letting it start heating up. Maybe pancakes would help Clarke feel better about whatever it was that was bothering her. She gathered all of the ingredients that she needed, piling them all on the counter. After thinking about it another second, she reached back in the cabinet and pulled out the chocolate chips. She couldn't deny Clarke her favorite.

And then she got working silently, absentmindedly, as she waited for Clarke to make an appearance. Her thoughts had already wandered again when she felt two arms wrap around her middle, pulling her into a soft hug. Clarke rested her forehead against Lexa's shoulder, silently breathing her in. And, deciding that Clarke would talk when she was ready to, Lexa continued to work on their dinner in the quiet of the kitchen.

After Lexa pulled the sixth pancake off the burner, Clarke finally broke the silence. "I got some mail today."

Lexa hummed, wordlessly asking her to go on. She felt Clarke's hands flex against her sides before loosening again.

"Technically, Raven got some mail today. They apparently didn't get the change of address worked out at the post office yet. But she called me and told me it was there. So I went by the old apartment. Luckily I still have one of the keys because she and Octavia were already out for the day and--"

"Clarke," Lexa cut in with a soft chuckle. She ran her fingers across Clarke's bare forearm comfortingly. "You're rambling, love."

"Right," Clarke said with a huff. She lifted her head and rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder instead, looking over at what she was doing on the stove. "Pancakes?"

"Breakfast for dinner."

"You're the best, you know that?"

Lexa breathed out a laugh. "And you're avoiding something."

Even though she couldn't really see her, Lexa knew Clarke was screwing up her face in the cutest pout.

"It was from Hopkins," she said simply after some time. Lexa stopped her movements, forgetting about cooking for a moment.

"Johns Hopkins? As in the med school you really wanted to get in?"

Clarke nodded against her shoulder. "The one and only."

Lexa turned her head as best she could, trying to get a better look at her girlfriend. "And...?" she asked hesitantly. Clarke's expression was blank, and she couldn't read any indication of a good or bad result.

"I'm about to get really busy again," Clarke said, her blank expression melting back into a pout.

Lexa's concern broke into a full-fledged smile as she spun quickly in Clarke's arms to hold her face between her hands. "That's fantastic, love!" she said excitedly. She pressed a quick kiss to Clarke's lips before pulling back, her smile dropping into confusion quickly at Clarke's seeming lack of enthusiasm. "Wait. Is this not good news?"

Clarke shook her head, her brow scrunching in frustration. "No, it's great news. I'm really happy about it."

"You don't seem very happy about it." She hesitated for a second, hoping Clarke would meet her gaze but her girlfriend refused to look at her, instead staring at the pan and probably burning pancake. "What's wrong?"

"I just..." Clarke started then stopped, her frustrated gaze deepening even more. She huffed out a breath and pulled out of Lexa's hold, finally meeting Lexa's eyes. "It's not really fair for you."

Lexa jerked back, completely confused. "What are you talking about? This is amazing, Clarke. You got into your school of choice."

Clarke shook her head, hands held out beseechingly. "That's exactly it, though. I got into _med school_."

Lexa scrunched her brow in confusion. "You're going to have to explain to me how that's a problem, love."

"You saw me when I was just in pre-med. I was a mess. I never had time for anything but school, and I was always making you worry," Clarke explained, her tone pushing on hysterical.

"But we worked through it."

Clarke ran a hand through her hair, grasping at the roots in her stress. "But it's going to be worse this time around. I'm never going to be around for you. I'm going to be stressed all the time. There's going to be so much work, and then actual work on top of that. What if I can't handle it? What if I start lashing out at you or start getting angry for no reason? What if I just can't--"

"Clarke. Love," Lexa called, turning back quickly to flip the stove off before reaching out and holding Clarke's upper arms, steadying her. "Let's go sit on the couch for a minute, yeah?"

Clarke nodded, biting her lips to keep from launching into another episode of word vomit. Lexa smiled gently before leading her out into the living room and sitting her on the couch, taking a seat beside her and resting her hand on Clarke's thigh.

"Look at me, Clarke." She waited patiently for Clarke to meet her eyes. "I know you know that I'm going to stick with you through this. And I know you know that I won't let you go through it alone. That I'm going to help you in every way that I can, and that we _will_ make time for each other, no matter what." She gave Clarke a second to nod her agreement before continuing. "So, knowing that, what's actually the problem?"

Clarke's gaze darted away as she chewed on her bottom lip. She stared at the area rug, eyes not moving from it no matter how long Lexa waited.

Finally, Lexa figured she had to push a little. "Clarke? Please talk to me."

Clarke slumped on the couch, almost folding in on herself. Her shoulders drooped, her head dropped forward, and her arms wrapped around her waist. She quickly looked to Lexa and then away again. "What if I'm not good enough?"

And Lexa melted. "Oh, baby..." she cooed, sweeping Clarke into a hug and pulling her against her chest. "Love, you can't honestly believe that you aren't good enough."

Clarke turned her face to press it into Lexa's shirt, breathing her in and affectively hiding away at the same time.

"You got into one of the most prestigious medical schools on the east coast. They _want_ you. They know how smart and talented you are."

"I'm going to be going up against some of the brightest students in the country, Lex."

"And you're going to keep up with them, if not outshine them." Lexa tilted Clarke's chin up, forcing her to look at her. "Listen to me. You are one of the smartest people I have ever met. And you are going to be an amazing doctor."

Clarke's lower lip wobbled and her eyes began to mist over. "But what if I'm _not_ , Lexa. What if I don't live up to their expectations? What if I'm not good enough for them? Not good enough for _you_?"

"I can't believe that you would even suggest that," Lexa said, sounding slightly insulted. She tilted Clarke's face down quickly to press a kiss to her forehead before moving to look at her again. "Clarke, you could be anything and you'd still be enough for me. You could be... I don't know... someone who scraped gum off the sidewalks all day, and I wouldn't love you any less."

Clarke let out a watery, self-deprecating laugh, head tilting down to keep Lexa from seeing the tears about to escape. "I'm supposed to be a doctor, though."

"And you're going to be a damn good one. I know you can do it, and I know you know you can do it. It's going to take a lot of effort, and studying, and time. But you can and _will_ do it. I know it." She wiped Clarke's cheek gently, brushing a rogue tear away. "But no matter what-- _No matter what_ , I will love you with everything in me. Do you hear me, Clarke?"

Clarke nodded, letting Lexa pull her into a bone-crushing hug that quickly morphed into Lexa leaning back and Clarke laying on top of her. Lexa rubbed Clarke's back comfortingly, humming softly and placing soft kisses on the crown of her head every few moments. Clarke's hand gripped at Lexa's shirt, her left playing with a pulled string on the hem.

"But what if--" Clarke started but was quickly cut off.

"No. No more 'what if's. We're living in the now. You and me. And no matter what the future brings, you and I are going to make it. Got it?"

Clarke let out a watery laugh, her voice thick with unshed tears.

"Got it."

* * *

 

"Lexa."

"Clarke." Lexa typed away at her computer, completing some of the revisions she decided on for her book. Clarke, on the other hand, lay next to her on the bed, Norman crawling over her torso.

"Norman needs to get more exercise. We keep him in his cage far too often," Clarke said with conviction. She held Norman above her, him looking down at her almost curiously.

Lexa glanced over, smiling at Clarke's studying gaze as she looked over Norman. "I think it's pretty normal to keep hedgehogs in their cages for the most part."

"But not Norman. He deserves to be let out more often. We can let him cuddle with us more."

Looking back at her computer, Lexa hummed thoughtfully. "I think that he may be a bit small for that."

Clarke brought Norman to her chest, coaxing him into laying down on her. "Nope. See? Perfectly content to be cuddling with the girls."

"I don't know many who wouldn't be content with that."

"Fair point. But still. He should be allowed out more often."

Lexa looked at Norman almost jealously. Those were _hers_ , and yet the little guy was enjoying himself quite a lot, it seemed. "Hm. And if he gets lost in the apartment?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Well we obviously wouldn't just let him wander around. But we can let him out while we're reading or watching TV, don't you think?" Clarke's expression brightened and she sat up quickly, holding Norman between her hands. "We should take him on walks."

Lexa let out a surprised laugh. "Excuse me?" She pushed her glasses up on her nose, looking up at Clarke again.

Clarke nodded decidedly. "Walks. We should take him on walks. Let him experience the great outdoors. I mean, they're naturally outdoor animals, right?" She looked at Norman, holding him up at eye level. "See? He loves the idea."

Norman looked no different than usual. If anything, he looked bored.

Lexa put her computer on the bed, turning to face Clarke and giving her her full attention. "Clarke, how would you even suggest we go about that? I don't think they have leashes or collars for hedgehogs."

"I'm sure we can figure something out. Maybe a kitten's collar around his belly." She rubbed Norman's belly and he wiggled in her hands. "And a little leash. We don't need a huge dog's leash. Maybe just a rope. Or a string. It's not like he's strong enough to pull it away from us."

Lexa looked at her skeptically. "Are you seriously considering walking our pet hedgehog?"

Clarke looked to her and nodded as if it was the most normal thing in the world to want to do. (Lexa had to question her girlfriend's sanity for a second. Maybe the stress of upcoming med school was finally getting to her.)

"I'm not considering it. We're doing it. How much fun would that be?" she asked excitedly.

Lexa rubbed at her forehead. "Clarke, be reasonable. We live in an incredibly crowded city with hundreds of thousands of people walking about every day. Where would we even walk him?"

"At the park, obviously. People walk their dogs every day, Lexa. This isn't that different."

"Dogs are a little bigger than hedgehogs. And less likely to be stepped on by someone not paying attention."

"Then we'll keep a good eye on him."

"Clarke."

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

"Lexa."

" _Clarke_ ," Lexa sighed out exasperatedly. She really looked at Clarke then, taking in her hopeful expression and her excited hold on Norman. "You really want to do this?"

Clarke nodded. "I think it'll be fun. How many people can say they've walked a hedgehog through a park?"

"Not many, I'd assume," Lexa admitted plainly. "I'm sure there's a reason for that."

"They clearly aren't as dedicated to their hedgehog's physical health."

"Clearly."

Clarke stood from the bed, sliding her shoes on in the process. "Exactly. So let's go."

"Where are we going?" Lexa asked from where she was still sitting on the bed. She watched as Clarke moved around their bedroom to gather her purse and jacket, alternating Norman from each hand as needed. Norman, for his part, just went along for the ride without complaint.

"To the pet store. We need to get a collar and a leash. You said so yourself."

Lexa sat forward on the bed, leaning toward Clarke. "No, I think I said that there wouldn't be any that would fit him."

Clarke shrugged her off. "Then we should go look to prove your theory correct. Or incorrect, as it may be."

Lexa sighed, getting up from the bed and pulling her shoes on. "Don't be disappointed when they tell you exactly the same thing."

* * *

 

They didn't tell Clarke the same thing. Turns out, walking hedgehogs isn't as far fetched as it sounds.

Clarke smiled triumphantly at Lexa as they drove to the park. "Told you they'd have something." She patted Norman who was sitting in her lap with his new bright pink hedgehog harness. Clarke had his new matching leash laying across her leg to be attached when they got to the park.

"Whoever heard of a hedgehog harness? Why do they even have those?" Lexa asked grumpily.

"Because hedgehogs should be walked outdoors, obviously." Clarke turned to look out the windshield, still looking incredibly proud of herself. She pointed ahead of them excitedly. "There's the entrance. You ready, little guy?" She held Norman up to eye level with her, rubbing his nose gently with her own.

"This is ridiculous," Lexa grumbled as she pulled into the parking lot and found a spot. "If he gets stepped on, I don't want to hear it."

"That's so morbid. He's not going to get stepped on if we pay attention to him. And you'll help pay attention to him, _right_?" She looked to Lexa expectantly.

Lexa had to fight off the roll of her eyes. "Of course I will, love."

"That's what I thought." Clarke eyed her suspiciously for just a second longer before she unbuckled, pushed her door open, and climbed out of the car.

Lexa grumbled under her breath the whole way to the park, following behind Clarke with her hands shoved in her jacket pockets.

She _really_ wasn't expecting the number of people that came up to Clarke to ask about Norman.

She really wasn't expecting the number of people that came up to Clarke to flirt and pretend to be interested in Norman.

And she absolutely wasn't expecting the number of people that clearly thought they could actually charm Clarke with her _adorable little hedgehog_.

Lexa grit her teeth as another guy came up to chat Clarke up. She let it slide for a moment.

But then he stayed.

And stayed.

And they _chatted_.

And Clarke _giggled_.

Lexa's jaw was starting to hurt.

She'd had enough.

With confident steps, Lexa came up behind Clarke, her arms wrapping possessively around her middle and her chin resting on Clarke's shoulder. She pressed a kiss to Clarke's neck and glared at the guy she was talking to. "Hey, _baby_." (The extra emphasis totally wasn't intentional.) (It totally was.) She nipped at Clarke's neck gently.

The guy looked between Clarke and Lexa as if he couldn't quite figure out the obvious. Finally, he shrugged and went on talking to Clarke as if Lexa wasn't there.

_Oh no he did not._

Lexa slid to Clarke's side (and maybe she rubbed her body against Clarke a little more than necessary), her arm wrapping around Clarke's lower back. She took Norman's leash from Clarke's hand and lifted Norman up to hold him.

The guy _still_ kept talking. And Clarke kept listening, though Lexa did notice the smirk and mischievous glint in her eye. _It's going to be like that, huh?_

Lexa waited a polite moment, hoping the guy would finally take a hint. When he didn't, however, she figured it was time she made it a little more obvious for him.

She wound herself in front of Clarke, still keeping them connected as much as possible, coming to stand face to face with her girlfriend. She kept her arm wound around Clarke's waist, Norman held in her hand. "Love, don't you think it's time we headed home? It's getting late and I think _our_ bed is calling for us."

Clarke quirked her brow, smirking more obviously now. "Oh yeah?"

"Mhm," Lexa hummed. She looked at Clarke seductively, biting her lower lip.

The guy stood by silently. Lexa chanced a look over her shoulder quickly to see him gaping at them. And if she smirked triumphantly at him? Well, Clarke was _her_ girlfriend, after all.

"I didn't know beds could call.

Lexa nodded, leaning in to start trailing kisses up Clarke's neck. "Oh, it's definitely calling. It wants us to come warm it up. All," a nip to Clarke's neck, "night," another to her jaw, "long," and a slight nip and tug to Clarke's ear.

(She couldn't keep the smirk away at Clarke's shudder.)

Clarke nodded eagerly, her hands coming up to grasp at Lexa's sides. "Sorry..." she paused for a second, clearly not remembering the guy's name. Lexa smirked against Clarke's neck, proud of herself for making her girlfriend forget so quickly. Clarke finally seemed to decide it didn't matter (which it totally didn't). "My girlfriend and I need to be going now."

She took Lexa's hand and twined their fingers together, starting to drag her away and back to her car without any hesitation. Lexa shot one more cocky look over her shoulder at the guy left behind, looking completely bewildered.

Lexa was spun around and pressed into the side of the car before she realized what was happening.

"That was rude," Clarke said, pressing close to Lexa. Lexa's breath caught in her throat at the feeling of Clarke pressed bodily up against her.

She cleared her throat and tried to scowl down at her girlfriend. "So was flirting with everyone who came up to you."

"I wasn't flirting."

"Accepting the flirting, then," Lexa corrected.

Clarke shrugged, grinning up at her deviously. "I didn't want to be rude." She wound her arms around Lexa's neck, leaning in to nip at her neck, kissing it lovingly right after.

Lexa hummed, her hand that wasn't holding Norman moving to grip at Clarke's side. "Always trying to be so polite, aren't you?"

Clarke's breath ghosted over Lexa's skin as she laughed lightly. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

Lexa scowled and flipped their positions quickly, pressing Clarke into the side of the car. Clarke gasped and Lexa noted her eyes dilating excitedly. "How about we go home and see just how _polite_ you can be?"

Clarke took Norman from Lexa's hand, leaning in to press a heated kiss to Lexa's lips. She pulled away so their lips were barely touching.

"Is that _really_ what you want, Lexa?"

Lexa's hands went to Clarke's hips, jerking them impossibly closer. "I think you know exactly what I want, _Clarke_ ," she said, clicking the 'k' just as she knew Clarke liked it.

Clarke shuddered in her grip, eyes closing and cheeks flushing. "Take me home," she gasped out breathily. " _Now_."

Lexa didn't need to be told again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Norman makes everything better, right? Anyone else have any weird or abnormal pets that they take on walks?
> 
> Also, Clarke's going to med school!!! Woo hoo! She's not quite as excited as one might think, but nerves are totally understandable. Good thing she has a Lexa around to help. 
> 
> Next update will hopefully be next week some time. I know I'm completely off of any schedule, but I'm going to try to get one up once a week if at all possible. It just may be on a random day in the middle of the week rather than on Friday. 
> 
> Thanks again for sticking with me. Just so you all know, you're on page 468 of 662 of this story. So still a while left, but things are definitely going to be winding down as we move along. Still a lot to get through, though. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are loved. Requests are great too, but may not be responded or completed for a while because life is getting in the way. 
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr @musiclurv


	53. Everything is Fine when Your Hand is Resting Next to Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stress, classes, tattoos and a smidge of pain.

Clarke was running late. It was her first day, and she was already running late. "Oh my god, I'm going miss my first class."

"You're not going to miss it."

"Then I'm going to be stumbling in late and make a horrible first impression."

Lexa stood from the couch, catching Clarke as she darted by once again. "Clarke."

"Lexa, let me go. I need to finish getting ready." Clarke squirmed in her hold, trying to wiggle her way out of Lexa's strong grip. When Lexa refused to let her go, she glared over her shoulder at her. "I swear if you don't let me go right now, Lex--"

"I will let you go as soon as you take a deep breath."

Clarke huffed and returned to her squirming. "I don't have time for this, Lexa. Seriously, let me go."

"You could have already been free by now."

"But you won't let me go."

"You won't take a breath."

"I _need_ to go. Lexa Woods, let go right now." Clarke pushed at Lexa's arms, trying even harder to push her off.

Lexa, hardly affected by Clarke's efforts other than it making her job a bit more difficult, lifted Clarke off her feet and sat back down on the couch with Clarke now in her lap. "I will let go of you as soon as you stop freaking out. I'm not letting you leave this apartment to drive to school while you're spazzing."

"I'm not spazzing."

"You're definitely spazzing." Clarke glared over her shoulder at Lexa again, to which Lexa just quirked a brow in challenge. "Are you going to take a deep breath, or am I going to have to do something drastic?"

"I think you're already being more dramatic than you need to be."

"Says the one that was literally _just_ running around the apartment claiming she was going to miss her first day of class."

"And I will if you don't let me go," Clarke ground out through her teeth. She really _did not_ have time for this. She was sure that Lexa had her best interests at heart, but she also knew that if she didn't leave right then, she would never get to the school on time to find a parking spot and find her class before her first lecture started. And that would be an absolutely horrible way to start her career at Hopkins.

Lexa's gaze softened and she leaned back on the couch, bringing Clarke back with her. "Breathe with me for a second," she directed, holding Clarke's back firmly to her chest so that Clarke could feel every deep breath that Lexa took.

And Clarke, knowing that Lexa was just going to keep being stubborn, finally submitted and began breathing with her girlfriend.

"Relax," Lexa said. Clarke tried to relax her tensed muscles, but that was easier said than done. Lexa seemed to be content for the moment with Clarke's shoulders dropping a little from their tensed state.

Lexa pressed her lips to Clarke's neck, lingering there for a few moments as they continued to breathe together in silence. After a few moments, Clarke found herself actually relaxing into her girlfriend's hold.

"Better?" Lexa asked after another few breaths.

"Yeah," Clarke admitted reluctantly. "Are you ready to let me leave now?"

"I'm never ready to let you leave. But yeah, you can finish getting ready." She nudged Clarke off her lap and stood up herself. "Your lunch is in the fridge," she called out after Clarke as she darted out of the room and into their bedroom to grab a few of her books.

"Thanks, babe!" Clarke called back, stopping off in the kitchen to grab the lunch Lexa had prepared for her, throwing that into her bag as well. "Okay, okay." She stopped in the hall to the front door, looking through her bag one last time before she left. "I think I have everything..."

"Everything?" Lexa asked, standing by the door, holding out Clarke's cellphone to her.

Clarke smiled sheepishly. "Almost everything." She took her phone and stuffed it into her back pocket. "Alright, I'm ready to go. Wish me luck?"

Lexa hummed. "You don't need luck. You're going to do great." She turned and grabbed her own jacket off of the coat rack, also pulling down her car keys.

Clarke's brow quirked in confusion. "Do you have plans today? I thought you were off."

Lexa nodded. "I am. Which is why I decided I have plenty of time to drive you to and from school today."

"You don't have to do that, Lex."

She pulled the door open with a shrug. "No, but I want to. And now you don't have to worry about parking."

Clarke's body eased as some of the tension left her. "You are actually a life saver, you know that?"

Lexa grinned, letting Clarke exit before following and pulling the door to their apartment closed behind them. "It's actually in my resume already. 'Lexa Woods - Certified Life Saver'."

Clarke laughed, leading the way down the stairs and out to Lexa's car. "Is 'Certified Dork' on there as well?"

"Fine print. Very bottom. Easy to miss."

"I'm sure it is."

Lexa pulled Clarke's door to the car opened for her, but Clarke stopped her before she could motion for Clarke to get in. She cupped the back of Lexa's neck and pulled her down for a quick but incredibly grateful kiss. "You're amazing. Thank you," she said when they pulled apart.

Lexa smiled smugly, letting Clarke climb into the car and leaning in a little after her. "Is that your admitting that I was right?"

"Maybe. But if you don't get in the car right now, I'm taking it back."

"Yes, your highness," Lexa teased.

"That's Princess Charming to you," Clarke sassed back, sticking her tongue out at Lexa when she shut the door on her. Lexa stuck her tongue out right back, before quickly making her way to the driver's side and sliding in.

Clarke leaned over the console and kissed Lexa's cheek quickly after she started the car. "But seriously. Thank you. I love you."

Lexa smiled warmly, driving out of the parking lot and toward the highway. "I love you, too."

* * *

 

 

"Remember when I said I wanted to become a doctor?" Clarke said in lieu of a hello as she climbed back into Lexa's car after she finished her courses for the day.

"Very clearly, actually." Lexa leaned over the console and kissed Clarke quickly before sitting back and pulling out of her spot.

"I lied. I don't want to be a doctor. I never should have wanted to be a doctor. Being a doctor might very well kill me," Clarke said with a whine, slouching in her seat. She put her feet up on the dashboard and pouted.

"Feet."

"But it's comfy."

"Clarke."

Clarke rolled her eyes and put her feet back down, though she remained slouched in her chair. "Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I can fix myself if I get hurt."

"You literally just said you didn't want to be a doctor." Lexa smirked at what she just knew was a pouty glare that Clarke was sending at her.

"You're not being very doting right now."

"Do you want me to dote on you right now?"

Clarke continued to glare at her before her expression drooped and she seemed to deflate even more in her seat. "I think I actually just want to go home and take a long shower and maybe cry for a little, while I still have time to do so."

Lexa's brow furrowed in concern. "Was it that bad?"

Clarke only hummed in response.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"They gave us a four year plan."

"Four years isn't so bad."

"No. Not at first. Four years is totally doable. And then I looked at the schedule. And the class lists. And the expectations. And it is _so_ much, Lex."

"You knew becoming a doctor was going to be hard work." Lexa glanced over at Clarke, seeing that she already looked defeated. She reached over and took Clarke's hand in her own. "You're going to do amazing, love."

"It's going to get to where I'm rarely home."

"Then I'll come visit you when you have your breaks."

Clarke rolled her head to look at Lexa tiredly. "There's no break from studying. And projects. And rotations. And clericals."

Lexa hummed, pulling into their apartment's parking lot. "We'll figure it out, love."

"You say that now. But you'll be changing your mind about all this when we rarely get to see each other, and when we do it's just me running out the door or running in quickly before having to be somewhere else."

With a shrug, Lexa pulled into an empty spot and parked her car, turning it off, unbuckling and facing Clarke fully. "I'm pretty stubborn."

Clarke laughed, turning to face Lexa as well. "You've proven that many times."

"And so are you," Lexa teased, smiling at Clarke's laughter.

"Also proven multiple times," Clarke admitted.

Lexa chuckled, leaning in to kiss Clarke sweetly. "So, what makes you think that we aren't stubborn enough to work this out?"

Clarke reached up, brushing her fingers through Lexa's hair before resting her hand at the back of her head. "You make a compelling point."

"I do," Lexa said, nodding. Clarke's smile, though already tired, was everything to her. And she vowed to herself right then that she would do anything to keep that smile on Clarke's face. Whether it was staying up late with her or bringing her food when she inevitably forgot to pack her meal, or even just driving her to and from wherever she needed to be, Lexa would be there. She'd keep Clarke smiling. She wouldn't let her down.

Clarke hummed, pulling Lexa in for another kiss lasting longer than the last. "Why don't we go inside and take advantage of this bit of free time we have before everything gets crazy?" she offered, biting her lip temptingly after.

"I think that's the best idea I've heard all day."

* * *

 

"Remember when you painted my back?" Lexa asked nonchalantly as they lounged on the couch. Clarke was leaning her back against Lexa's side, her legs bent to hold up the text book she had propped against her thighs. She held a notebook against her textbook as she took notes.

"Mhm," she hummed distractedly. She finished the note she was writing and looked back at Lexa over her shoulder. "How could I possibly forget you laying naked in my studio?" She grinned devilishly at her.

Lexa rolled her eyes, trying to hide her smile at the memory. " _Anyway_ , do you remember what I said that day?"

"You said many things that day. And made many noises that night," Clarke said smugly.

With a glare, Lexa flicked Clarke's knee with the hand she had laying across the back of the couch. "Quit being difficult."

Clarke shrugged and smiled innocently. "I'm just answering your questions." She batted her lashes at Lexa.

"You're being difficult."

"I'm relaying a great evening spent with you."

Lexa looked at her flatly. "You're being difficult," she repeated again.

Clarke laughed. "Alright, alright. What exactly are you referring to?"

"What I said about the painting you did. The design."

Clarke scrunched her face in thought, trying to remember back to that evening and to what Lexa had said. Finally, she lit up in recognition. "The tattoo?" Lexa nodded. "What about it?"

"I may have scheduled an appointment for next Saturday."

Clarke's jaw dropped. "You're seriously going through with it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Lexa looked at her, brow furrowed in confusion. She had said she was going to get it. And now was just as good a time as any, in her opinion. She had the funds saved up for it, and they didn't have anything planned for the day. It all just seemed to work out.

"I just thought you would have changed our mind about that." Clarke shook her head in wonder. "You really want to get my design tattooed on your back? Down your _whole_ back? You know that's permanent, right?"

"Tattoos usually are, Clarke."

Clarke nudged her leg with her elbow in reprimand. "Be serious. That's a really big commitment."

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's temple. "I am being serious. I want to get your design. And I want it on my back, where you painted it."

"Why don't we start with something a little smaller?" Clarke asked, looking hesitant.

Lexa tilted her head thoughtfully. "Do you not want me to get a tattoo, Clarke?"

Clarke shook her head slowly. "That's not it. I just..." She looked back at her textbook, fiddling with the pen in her hand absentmindedly. "What if something happens and you end up stuck with something that I designed on your back for the rest of your life?"

"That's a highly unlikely scenario."

"But it's still a possibility."

Lexa dropped her arm from the back of the couch to wrap around Clarke's waist. She hugged her gently, laying a kiss to the back of her neck. " _If_ something like that ever happened, then I would still want the reminder. Because, no matter what, this part of my life, the part with you in it, has irrevocably changed me."

"But a _tattoo_?"

"You've marked me, Clarke Griffin. And it's a mark that will last forever."

Clarke turned back to look at her, looking thoughtful. Then she shook her head, unbelievingly. "You are _such_ a sap. And so dramatic. I see where Raven got the 'Lextra' thing from."

Lexa gasped and brought her free hand up to her chest. "I can't believe you would even imply for a moment that my affections for you are anything but completely reasonable. I am not being dramatic, Clarke. I'm being romantic."

Clarke laughed and grabbed Lexa's chin with her fingers, tilting her closer so she could lay a sweet kiss to her lips. She pulled back slightly, their lips still brushing together as she said, "You're a dramatic sap," before pressing their lips together again for a quick kiss. "But I love you."

"I love you, too," Lexa grumbled with a pout. "But I'm not being dramatic. I want a Clarke Griffin original with me always."

"And that's not dramatic."

"It's _romantic_ , Clarke," Lexa whined (totally not dramatically). "And I was going to ask you to come with me, but now maybe I don't want you there."

"Does it still hold as truly romantic if I'm not even allowed to come with you when you get it?" Clarke asked teasingly. She quirked a brow at Lexa expectantly.

Lexa huffed.

"Exactly," Clarke said triumphantly. "So, when is this appointment?"

* * *

 

Lexa stiffened as Clarke's fingers brushed lightly over her tender back. She was being as gentle as she could, but she also had to make sure that the ointment was rubbed in well enough to actually help.

"I'm sorry, love," Clarke said quietly as Lexa stiffened up again.

Lexa just shook her head, not saying anything. Clarke hated Lexa being in pain. And yeah, they both knew it was going to hurt for a while. But having to actually hurt her _even more_... Clarke could have done without that.

She blew lightly across Lexa's back, helping the ointment set a little quicker. "Do you want me to get you a light shirt? I'm pretty sure I have one you could wear."

Another shake of the head, and Lexa stood up from the lid of the toilet, fists clenched at her sides. She hissed a breath through her teeth, eyes closed tightly.

"We could wrap it, if you'd like. I'm sure I have a roll of bandages somewhere around here." She got up, about to look for her first aide kit, when Lexa waved her off.

"I'm fine, Clarke." She smiled tightly at her. "Just sore. Ready for bed?"

Clarke watched her skeptically for a moment, but finally acquiesced when Lexa smiled a little easier.

They made their way into the bedroom, Lexa sitting down gingerly on her side of the bed. She looked down at her pillow thoughtfully before finally deciding to just lay down on her stomach.

Clarke admired the view for a moment. The tattoo artist really did wonderfully on the design. She'd even say it looked better than before. Crisper, the lines and curves meeting cleaner than they did when she had painted it.

She climbed in beside Lexa, careful not to jostle the bed too much as she leaned over her girlfriend, arms bracketing Lexa's head as she held herself up. She kissed her bare shoulder gently. "It's beautiful."

Lexa hummed, melting at the kisses Clarke continued to pepper across her shoulder.

"Are you sure you don't want a shirt? It gets cold in here at night."

"Clarke," Lexa said, turning her head to look at her girlfriend. Clarke laid down on her side so Lexa could see her easier. " _Nothing_ is touching my back for the rest of the night," she concluded with a flinch as she shifted slightly on the bed. "The air wouldn't even be touching it if I could help it."

Clarke tried to hide her smile. Really, she shouldn't find her girlfriend's pain funny. And she didn't. She totally didn't. But the pouty, almost whiny display that Lexa was putting on was just too cute. "You do know that the air actually helps it heal, right?"

"Keep your science away from me," Lexa grumbled, turning her head away from Clarke.

"Aaw," Clarke cooed, running her fingers through Lexa's hair to try to coax her back around. She leaned up on her elbow, looking over Lexa to see her face again. "I'm sorry my science is ruining things for you." She kissed Lexa's shoulder again quickly before leaning more fully over her.

"You're forgiven." Lexa's voice was getting sleepier, deeper as she closed her eyes and relaxed into the pillow.

Clarke pulled Lexa's hair away from her neck, leaning down to place kisses there. "I'll help you shower in the morning, if that will help," she offered gently.

The small smile on Lexa's face was answer enough.

She fell back onto her side of the bed and pulled the comforter up around her, making sure to keep it away from Lexa's back. Lexa turned to look at her again, eyes barely managing to stay open. She had had a long day, after all.

Clarke leaned toward her and kissed her gently. "Goodnight, Lexa."

"Goodnight, love."

* * *

 

Lexa woke in the middle of the night with a searing pain down her back. " _Fuck_ ," she gasped out, rolling over and off of her back that she had apparently turned over onto recently. She gasped as the pain washed over her again while she adjusted, the skin of her back stretching as her muscles flexed to roll her over. "Shit, fucking hell."

"Lex?" Clarke mumbled sleepily. She yawned widely, rubbing at her eye as she looked over at Lexa. "Are you okay?"

Lexa bit her lip, her eyes squeezed closed tightly. She wouldn't cry because of some residual pain. She didn't cry getting it done. She barely even flinched as the needle repeatedly stabbed her over the course of the hours it took to finish. So she sure as hell wasn't going to cry because her back was protesting movement.

She exhaled slowly. She's totally felt worse than this. This was nothing. It barely even hurt. Totally manageable. _Fucking hell it stings so badly_.

"I'm fine," she finally said, her voice betraying her with its tightness.

Clarke leaned up on her elbow, looking down on Lexa worriedly. "You don't sound fine."

"Go back to sleep."

With a shake of her head, Clarke got up and turned the bedroom light back on before coming back over to the bed. "You're very clearly not fine. What's wrong?"

"Hurts," Lexa ground out between clenched teeth.

Clarke looked over Lexa's back, her fingers gliding softly over the inflamed skin surrounding the tattooed area. "It's definitely looking redder than earlier. Do you want me to go get the ointment? I can grab some pain killers while I'm up."

"Do you think that'll help?"

Clarke nodded. "I do. It'll help cool down the area. And the pain killers will help with the swelling and pain, obviously."

Lexa nodded jerkily and that was all the sign Clarke needed to launch off the bed. She could hear Clarke rummaging around in the medicine cabinet, looking for the right pain meds.

Lexa pushed herself up, grimacing as her skin stretched even more. Clearly, she had never realized how much she moves her back doing everyday things like _sitting up_.

She was grumbling to herself, bent over with her feet hanging off the bed and her elbows resting against her thighs.

"Why are you up?"

Lexa shrugged as much as she could. _Nope. Can't do that either._ "I thought it'd be easier."

Clarke came around the bed, kneeling down in front of Lexa and holding up a glass of water and a couple of pills to her. "Take these. They'll hopefully kick in soon."

Lexa nodded and took the pills, swallowing some water to wash them down. "Thanks."

Clarke just shook her head with a small smile, brushing it off. "Lay back down, love."

Lexa grumbled again, but did as Clarke requested. "Remind me to never get my back tattooed again," she said when she was finally back on her stomach.

With a chuckle, Clarke climbed on top of Lexa, straddling her hips.

"This is going to hurt a little. Are you ready?" Clarke asked as she screwed the cap off of the ointment. And after Lexa's confirming nod (and tensing shoulders), Clarke got to work softly rubbing the ointment over Lexa's back. She moved quickly and efficiently, wanting the pain to end as fast as possible for Lexa. "Alright," she said, recapping the ointment. "All done."

Lexa's shoulders relaxed immediately. "Thank you, Clarke."

"You're welcome, baby," Clarke said, leaning over to place a loving kiss to Lexa's shoulder. She slid off of Lexa's hips, laying down on her back beside her. "Come here."

Lexa looked over to see Clarke holding her arms out for her, and without any hesitation, she moved to lay half on top of Clarke. She flung her arm over Clarke's waist, nestling into the crook of her neck. Clarke's hands rested on Lexa's hips, holding her still once she was settled.

"Comfy?" Lexa nodded against Clarke's shoulder. "Good. I'll try to keep you from rolling over."

"Thank you," Lexa mumbled again, already feeling sleep drawing her back in.

Clarke pressed a kiss to her hair. "Try to get some sleep, love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay new tattoos! I really want a new one now. And my next is actually going to be down my back. So wish me luck on that this December (hopefully). 
> 
> Little Doctor-in-training Clarke is getting on her way with school. Stress will abound, but nothing too bad. We do some time jumps from this point on, but it'll still be pretty cohesive. And there's still a lot that happens. Hope you all like it. 
> 
> Also, my schedule is probably going to get a little more hectic before it settles down. I just got offered another small part time at home job that is going to take up a couple hours a day. So once that starts, I'm going to have even less time during the week to do updates. Hopefully I'll still be able to update this once a week. But it's looking like it's probably going to be on weekends going forward. 
> 
> Comments/requests/Kudos are always appreciated and loved. They encourage me every week to come back and update this. And you can always find me on tumblr @musiclurv though I do have to warn you that I'm not on tumblr a lot right at the moment. I will respond to you asap if you send me a message, though. (To those that sent me messages recently, you're going to be responded to in just a bit. I'm a loser and I'm sorry it's taken a bit)


	54. I Will Share Your Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Studying, announcements, and remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up, this chapter starts light, but ends kinda heavy. So if you're not in the mood for kind-of-heaviness, maybe put this one on hold for a bit.

Lexa knocked on the door to what they had made into an office space in their apartment. When she didn't get a response, she pushed the door open slowly and peeked in. "Clarke?" she called quietly, not wanting to disturb her girlfriend if she was concentrating on something for school.

Instead, she found Clarke bent over the desk, her cheek resting against her textbook, snoring softly.

Lexa smiled at the sight, moving into the room and kneeling down next to Clarke. She placed her hand on Clarke's thigh, rubbing it softly to try to gently wake her up. "Clarke, love?" she called again, still relatively quiet. She didn't want to scare her awake.

Clarke's eyes slowly drifted open, lashes fluttering as her vision came into focus. She smiled sleepily at Lexa, her eyes still droopy with sleep.

"Hey, baby," Lexa cooed. She straightened up on her knees, rubbing Clarke's back soothingly. "Why don't we get you to bed? It's getting late."

"Shit," Clarke groaned out, sitting up and rubbing at her stiff neck. She looked down at her textbook before checking the time on her old, beat up watch. "Double shit."

Lexa tilted her head in question. "Is that a no?"

Clarke nodded. "It's definitely a no. I need to finish reading this before I go to bed. I can't believe I fell asleep." She rubbed at her head in frustration.

"You're tired, love."

"Maybe. But I need to finish this." She looked over to Lexa again, smiling as reassuringly as she could while looking so tired. She had bags under her eyes, her hair was limp and lacking its usual bounce, and her skin was paler than normal. Lexa honestly couldn't remember the last time Clarke had had a full night's sleep.

Lexa frowned up at her, sinking back onto her heels again, her hand dropping back to Clarke's thigh. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"

Clarke shook her head, fingers tapping against the open pages of her book. "Unfortunately not. We're officially in the all-nighter portion of this." She motioned to her book with a sad smile. "I'm sorry, Lex."

"No, don't apologize. It's not your fault." Lexa stood, leaning over Clarke to pick up her book. She placed her finger in Clarke's spot and closed it. "Come on."

Clarke looked up at her in confusion. "Lex, I _just_ said I need to finish reading."

"And you will. Just somewhere more comfortable."

"So I can fall asleep?"

"I'll make sure you stay awake long enough to finish. Now come on." She held out her hand, which Clarke took, and pulled her girlfriend to her feet. She led Clarke by the hand out to the couch before letting her go. Taking a seat on the couch and pulling her legs up, Lexa patted the space between her thighs for Clarke to sit. Clarke smiled at her and did as she was asked, leaning back to rest against Lexa's chest.

Lexa brought Clarke's book to rest on Clarke's bent knees, looking over the blonde's shoulder at the text. "Why don't I read some to you for a bit. Give your eyes a rest."

"You know you can go to bed without me, right? You shouldn't stay up just because I have to." Clarke looked over her shoulder at Lexa, her gaze concerned. "You're going to start being just as tired as I am."

"Then we'll be tired together. I'm not going to let you stay up alone when I can very easily stay up and keep you company. Now, where were you?" Her eyes darted over the pages of Clarke's text book, skimming the paragraphs as if Clarke's spot would jump out at her.

Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek quickly, turning to face the textbook and nestling into Lexa's embrace. She pointed to a section about halfway down one of the pages. "Here, I think."

"Alright. Ready?"

Clarke nodded and rested her head back on Lexa's shoulder. "Don't let me fall asleep."

Lexa kissed Clarke's temple in response, and then began reading.

* * *

 

"I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," Raven whined, walking beside Clarke through the grocery store. "Do I really have to subject myself to grocery shopping with you just so that I can spend some time with my best friend?"

"Seems so," Clarke chuckled. "I'm sorry I've been so absent."

Raven waved her off. "Nah. You're a super busy med student. It's to be expected."

Clarke pulled a couple of boxes off one of the shelves, throwing them into her cart. "Speaking of being super busy, how is Octavia handling you being at work so much recently?"

Raven shrugged, examining a can that she had grabbed off the shelf, looking skeptical. She put the can back on the shelf and continued walking when Clarke started up again. "She's alright with it. We're working on a big project right now at work. And O's picked up some hours at work, too."

"Sounds like you're both keeping busy."

Another shrug, and Raven shoved her hands into her pockets. "Well, it's for a good reason."

"Yeah? Everything alright?"

"Definitely."

"Big vacation planned that you're saving up for?" Clarke asked distractedly as she looked through some of the produce. Lexa had asked her to get some more fruit, claiming that Clarke was not eating healthily enough with her diet of frozen meals, leftovers and protein bars. Clarke, on the other hand, thought her constant consumption of coffee balanced it out. Coffee was good for you, right?

But still, happy wife, happy life and all that (girlfriends totally applied to that rule).

"Not quite."

"New car?"

"Nope."

"Buying a house?"

Raven shook her head, chewing on her lip nervously. Clarke stopped her perusal of the fruit section and faced Raven fully.

"Is something wrong? No one's sick, are they?"

"Why would we be working more if someone was sick?" Raven asked with a teasing smile.

Clarke shrugged. "To pay off medical bills or something. I don't know. You're not giving me a lot to go off of here."

"Octavia didn't want me to say anything until dinner tonight. She wanted to be there for it."

"Did you knock her up?" Clarke asked jokingly. She turned back to the fruit, assuming that Raven was just going to keep hiding whatever it was until they got back to Clarke and Lexa's apartment for the dinner they had planned to have together. Raven had showed up early, so Clarke dragged her along to go grocery shopping while both Lexa and Octavia were still at work. Not that her best friend was being very helpful at all.

"Not exactly."

Clarke hummed, distracted by her search for the perfect peach, when Raven's words suddenly registered. She dropped the fruit in her hand and whipped around to stare at Raven again. "What do you mean, 'not exactly'?"

Raven smiled widely at her, her entire countenance brightening. "Well, I'm kind of missing a certain appendage for that."

"Yes you are..." Clarke said suspiciously. She squinted her eyes at Raven, trying to figure out what she was hiding.

"How are you enjoying your second term at Hopkins?" Raven asked cheekily.

"Don't change the subject." Clarke pointed at Raven accusingly. "I know you're hiding something. And you're a shit liar when it's something that you want to tell someone. So you can either just get on with it, or you can make me work for it a bit. Either way, you're going to tell me before we leave this store."

"Do I need to call Octavia?" Raven asked in a sing song tone.

"No. You need to tell me whatever it is you're keeping from me."

"Octavia would kill me."

"I could deny you dinner."

Raven hummed as if in deep thought. "You make a compelling argument."

"So you're going to tell me?"

"Well, you weren't that far off before."

"That you knocked up Octavia?"

Raven bit her lip, trying to hold her huge smile back from expanding. She waited expectantly, almost bouncing in place.

Suddenly, Clarke's eyes widened and her mouth dropped in surprise. "Octavia's _pregnant_? I didn't even know you two were trying! When did you start seeing a specialist?"

Raven laughed and shook her head. "Oh no. She's not pregnant. And we're not trying."

"Then wha--"

"We've started talking to adoption agencies."

Clarke's confusion broke into a giant smile. "What? That's amazing! Why didn't you tell me you were thinking about adopting? Oh my god, this is huge. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Raven laughed again and grabbed the shopping cart, starting to push it through the produce section again. "We've been married almost a year. And the adoption process is a long one. We haven't even started meeting any kids yet. We're just talking to some social workers, seeing what all we need to get done first. So it'll still be a while before we actually do adopt a kid."

Clarke stared at her best friend as they continued to walk through the grocery store, making their way toward the checkout. And then she ran into one of the standing displays, almost knocking it over.

"Careful, Clarke. Pay attention to where you're going," Raven teased, continuing on as if Clarke didn't just almost make a huge mess in the middle of the aisle.

"Shut up, Rae. I'm a bit distracted by a piece of _huge_ news. What the hell? Why didn't you tell me before?" Clarke caught up to Raven, smacking her on the arm as she did so.

Raven couldn't stop herself from laughing at Clarke's reaction. "We just decided to move forward with the process last week. You're the first to know other than Octavia and me."

Clarke stopped short as they walked up to one of the registers, waiting in line for their turn. "Oh my god. I'm going to be an aunt."

"No you're not," Raven said simply.

Clarke looked at her sharply, glare already forming. "Excuse me?"

"You're not going to be an aunt. Because, god, Octavia's going to kill me for this, but we were hoping you'd be the kid's godmother. Whenever that time came."

Clarke bit her lip, trying to keep her eyes from starting to water. Finally, she gave up on trying to hold it all in and launched herself at Raven, throwing her arms around her best friend in a bone-crushing hug. "Of course I'll be their godmother!" She pulled back quickly, holding Raven at arm's length. "Wait. Are you sure you want it to be me? I mean, you can totally change your mind if you want to. They'll be your kid after all. But I'm sure there are better candidates out there that you'd probably feel more comfortable about. Not that I wouldn't _love_ to be your kid's godmother. I'd be honored. I'd try to be the best damn godmother in the history of godmothers. But are you actually sure that you want it to be me? Octavia agreed with you? What about--"

"Clarke, shut up!" Raven cut her off, laughing. She pulled Clarke's hands off of her shoulders to hold in her own between them. "Octavia and I have talked about this a lot. And we want it to be _you_. Technically you and Lexa after you get married. But for now, if we adopt before you two are happily wed, we want you to be the official godmother." Raven chewed on her lip, looking slightly worried for a second. "So, you'll do it?"

Clarke squeezed her hands tightly. "Of course I'll do it. I'm so incredibly honored that you'd ask me."

"There's no one else we'd trust with our kid," Raven admitted, smiling almost shyly.

"Are you nervous?" Clarke asked gently.

Raven chuckled and nodded. "More than I think I've ever been."

"More than on your wedding day?" Clarke asked teasingly, quirking a brow at her friend.

Raven glared at her, unable to push her smile completely off her face. "I thought we agreed to never talk about that again."

"About your wedding?"

"About how nervous I was."

Clarke scoffed. "As if I'd let that just go to the wayside. You were a mess."

"I was not," Raven argued.

"Oh, you definitely were."

"Was not."

"Were so."

"Clarke."

"Raven."

Raven glared at her for a second more before her shoulders drooped and her expression dropped. "What if I mess up the kid? What if I'm not a good mom?"

Clarke shook her head adamantly. "You're going to be great, Rae. You and Octavia both."

"Octavia's going to be great. But me... I don't have the best example to look up to."

Clarke shrugged, dropping Raven's hands to start unloading her cart on the conveyor belt. "Maybe not. But you have a lot of friends and family that are going to be willing to help you out."

"A lot of annoying friends," Raven grumbled out. "God, they're going to be obnoxious when they find out."

"Probably."

"You'll keep this quiet until we're ready, right?"

Clarke nodded. "Of course. This is your news to tell. Though, I don't know if I can keep it from Lexa."

"We wouldn't expect you to. Which is why we were going to tell you both tonight at dinner." She looked at Clarke accusingly, smirking all the while.

"Oops?" Clarke said, not even trying to sound sorry.

"Whatever," Raven said, rolling her eyes. She started helping Clarke unload her cart. "This kid's going to have a lot to get used to, with a godmother like you."

"Well, you can be sure of one thing." Clarke looked back at Raven, grinning. "They're definitely going to be spoiled rotten."

* * *

 

 

"Do I even want to ask?"

Lexa had just walked into the living room to find Clarke hanging off of the couch upside down. Her hands were covering her face, and her feet were hanging over the back of the couch.

"No. No you don't," Clarke groaned. She didn't move an inch, not even to look up at her girlfriend.

Lexa walked over to sit down in front of Clarke on the floor. She stayed silent for a few moments, hoping that Clarke would start talking or move or _something_ without her having to prompt her.

Of course, it was wishful thinking.

Finally, deciding that she'd have to do something if she wanted to know what was going on, Lexa reached up and ran her hands along Clarke's arms, trying to coax her out from behind her hands. "Clarke, love. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

Lexa quirked her brow even though Clarke couldn't see her. _So it's going to be like that, huh?_

She pulled one of the throw pillows down into her lap and inched forward, supporting Clarke's head with the pillow. Clarke pulled her hands down to rest on her stomach, but kept her eyes closed.

And then they sat there. Neither talking. Neither moving. Just sitting. Breathing.

The sun began to set outside, casting the room in long shadows. They could hear some of their neighbors moving around in the hallway, presumably going out for the evening. Which is what Lexa had planned to do with Clarke when she got home, but now...

"Why don't I go run a bath for you?" Lexa finally offered, running her hand through Clarke's hair soothingly.

Clarke hummed and tilted her head as best she could into the caress. "You don't have to do that. You're the one that was at work all day."

Lexa smiled lovingly at her. Of course, even when she was obviously stressing, Clarke was thinking of her. "Who said I wasn't going to join you?"

Clarke finally blinked her eyes open, smirking up at her girlfriend. "Who said I'd let you join me?" she teased.

Lexa scoffed, pulling her hand out of Clarke's hair (gently, of course. She didn't want to pull any hair out). "And here I was, about to offer a massage as well. I see how it is." She nudged Clarke off of the pillow, tossing it aside to stand. "Well, if that's how you're going to be, I'm going to go draw _myself_ a bath."

She sauntered out of the room, counting down from ten in her head.

She didn't even get to eight before she heard Clarke scampering off of the couch (read: falling off the couch) and running after her. Two arms wrapped around her from behind, Clarke's chest pressing into Lexa's back.

Lexa hummed. "That's what I thought," she said around a laugh.

"How could I turn down a bath with you?" Clarke asked, nudging Lexa's foot with her own to get her to start walking again. It was difficult with Clarke essentially glued to her back, but they successfully made it to the bathroom.

Lexa stood there expectantly, waiting for Clarke to let her go. Instead, Clarke buried her face in Lexa's neck, nuzzling the skin there. "Clarke, you have to let go if you want to take a bath with me."

"No," Clarke grumbled, pulling Lexa impossibly closer.

Lexa chuckled a laugh, running her hands up and down Clarke's forearms. "So you don't want a bath?" she asked teasingly.

Clarke huffed out a breath. "I do."

"Then you have to let me go so I can get the water running and we can get undressed."

"You and your logic."

Lexa tilted her head so she could place a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "I know. Logic coming in and ruining everything once again."

Clarke lifted her head and rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder. "It always seems to do that."

Lexa laughed at Clarke's pout. "So are you going to let me go?"

With a quick kiss to Lexa's jaw, Clarke pulled her arms back. "I guess. If I must."

Lexa nodded. "You must. But why don't you grab the bubble bath while I get the water running?"

"So needy," Clarke joked, turning to the bathroom cabinet to try to find the bubble bath they had stored in there. It was a soothing scent - lavender, if Lexa remembered correctly - and Clarke loved it. She could always count on it to help Clarke relax after a long day.

Clarke came up behind Lexa as she was leaning over the tub to test the water temperature and started to pour the bubble bath into the water. When she didn't seem to be stopping, Lexa grabbed her hand with a laugh. "I think that's enough, Clarke. We don't want to be swimming in bubbles."

"Says you. There are never enough bubbles."

Lexa lifted a brow expectantly.

"Alright, alright. I'll put it up."

"Thank you," Lexa said, turning away from the tub.

(She totally knew Clarke poured a little more in the water when her back was turned.)

They both stripped off their clothes unhurriedly, knowing they could take their time. Lexa helped Clarke out of her jeans, tossing them to the corner of the bathroom. She held her hand out for Clarke to take, helping her into the tub.

"Front or back?" Lexa asked, watching as Clarke took a seat in the water.

Clarke thought for a second and then scooted back so her back was resting against the wall of the tub. "Back. C'm here," she beckoned, motioning to between her legs.

Lexa gingerly stepped into the tub, letting Clarke help guide her back to sit between the blonde's legs. Clarke's arms wrapped around Lexa's torso, holding them together comfortably.

"Good?" Lexa asked, leaning back fully into Clarke's embrace.

"Perfect," Clarke agreed, kissing Lexa's neck again. "Let me wash your hair?" she asked gently after some time.

Lexa hummed and leaned forward, grabbing her shampoo off of the side of the tub. She scooted down the tub, leaning back into Clarke's hands to dunk under the water briefly. When she came back up, Clarke ran her hands through Lexa's hair, making sure it was thoroughly wet.

She took the shampoo from Lexa, lathering it through her hair.

"Do you want to tell me what was bothering you earlier?" Lexa asked quietly, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. Clarke's fingers faltered as she massaged Lexa's scalp, but quickly picked up their movements again.

"It was nothing," Clarke said, her tone implying that it was definitely something.

Lexa hummed, letting Clarke lean her back to rinse the shampoo out of her hair. She sat back up, wringing her own hair out and turned in the tub. "Your turn," she said, beckoning Clarke to move between her legs. Clarke did as she was asked, letting Lexa go through the same process that she had just done.

Lexa didn't speak again until she was massaging Clarke's shampoo into her hair. "I'd venture a guess that it was probably something." She kissed Clarke's shoulder gently, letting her know she wasn't trying to be confrontational or pushy about the matter. She just wanted her to know that she was there for her.

Clarke let Lexa rinse her hair, slumping against Lexa's front when she sat back up. She pulled Lexa's hands around her, playing with her girlfriend's fingers absentmindedly. "Mom called today."

"It's been a while since you've had time to talk to her. How's she doing?"

Clarke shrugged noncommittally. "Fine, I think."

"Did she want something?"

Clarke nodded slowly, pulling Lexa's arms around her to hold her. Lexa did so willingly, giving Clarke a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "She wants to do something for the ten year anniversary."

Lexa's brow scrunched in confusion. _What happened ten years ago?_ She wracked her brain, trying to figure out what Clarke was talking about.

And then it hit her.

"For your dad?"

Another slow nod, Clarke staring ahead unseeingly. She chewed on her lip for a moment before screwing her eyes shut. "It's been ten years, Lex. He hasn't been here for ten years." Her voice cracked and her body began to shake in Lexa's arms. Lexa held her tighter, pressing a trail of gentle, loving kisses along Clarke's shoulder.

Finally, Clarke seemed to just let go, sinking into Lexa and breaking down in sobs. "How has it been ten years?" she gasped out between sobs.

Lexa's heart broke as she held her broken girlfriend. She couldn't take this pain away. She could do nothing to help this. He was gone. Clarke couldn't see him again. There was nothing Lexa could do to fix this.

So she offered what comfort she could. She held Clarke as she shook in her arms, rocking her gently back and forth. She cradled her when Clarke turned her face to hide in the crook of Lexa's neck. She whispered words of love and comfort, stroking up and down her back.

She didn't know how long they stayed there, Clarke breaking in her arms. The water was tepid by the time Clarke quieted, her breath shuddering with every exhale, but the tears dried.

She was almost limp as Lexa picked her up out of the tub. She helped Clarke to stand. Leaned her against the sink so that she wouldn't fall over as Lexa grabbed a towel. Dried her off gently. Coaxed her into her pajamas.

Lexa left her to stand on her own for only a moment as she quickly dressed herself. Then she leaned Clarke forward, back into her arms, and picked her up, cradling her to her chest. She ran her thumbs against Clarke's thigh and shoulder as she carried her to their bedroom, letting her know that she was there, that someone was there.

And when she gently placed Clarke down on the bed, she left the light off in the bedroom and climbed in after her. There was no way she was going to leave her girlfriend to swim in the emptiness of their bed by herself. Not when she looked so lost already.

Clarke rolled, letting Lexa nestle her against her chest. She curled up in a ball, Lexa's arms wrapping around her and offering what comfort she could.

"I have to--" Clarke finally croaked out, her voice broken and raw.

"Shh," Lexa hushed, grip on Clarke tightening for just a moment. "It can wait."

Clarke just nodded, her head rubbing against Lexa's sternum. Lexa kissed the crown of Clarke's head, her hair still damp from the bath.

"Mom wants to do something in his honor tomorrow," Clarke explained, barely above a whisper.

Lexa only nodded, nuzzling into Clarke's hair.

"Will you... Will you come with?" Clarke asked, sounding so small and so fragile. Lexa was almost afraid that she'd break her if she held her too tightly. Still, she didn't loosen her hold, knowing that Clarke needed to feel her right then. Needed to feel protected and held together.

"Of course, love."

They fell into silence again, Clarke playing distractedly with the hem of Lexa's sleep shirt. She picked at it repeatedly, letting it fall from her fingers for a moment before pulling at it again.

"I want to take you somewhere first."

Lexa nodded again, waiting for Clarke to continue if she wanted to. She'd follow Clarke anywhere, do anything she wanted her to. If it helped her through this, Lexa would willingly walk through fire for her.

"We'll have to leave early," Clarke mumbled out. Her voice was becoming deeper, sleepier. Lexa knew she wouldn't last more than a few more moments before she drifted off into an inevitably fitful sleep.

Lexa wouldn't sleep tonight, she knew.

"I can set an alarm."

Clarke pressed a kiss to the skin just above Lexa's shirt collar, lingering there and breathing her in. She pulled her hand up slowly and rested it on Lexa's chest, just over her heart.

And that's how she fell asleep - Lexa's fingers combing through her hair, her heart beating calmly against Clarke's palm, and her arms holding Clarke together.

* * *

 

Lexa didn't actually need to set an alarm. She was awake all night, calming Clarke every time her breathing started to pick up through a bad dream. She lay awake, watching over the broken girl in her arms, hoping and praying that she wasn't dreaming of her father's death.

She was thankful when the sun began to rise, so she could finally let Clarke escape from her dreams.

"Clarke," she called softly, rubbing Clarke's back to try to wake her slowly. She kissed her forehead and brushed some hair out of Clarke's face with her other hand. "Clarke, love. It's time to wake up."

Clarke groaned and rolled further into Lexa, hiding her face away against Lexa's chest. Lexa smiled sadly as Clarke's fingers clung to her shirt, grasping at her.

"I know, baby. But we need to get ready to go."

Rubbing at her eyes, Clarke pulled away slowly. When she looked up at Lexa, her eyes were read and puffy, her skin still slightly blotchy. She nodded, looking heavier than Lexa had ever seen her before.

Rolling away from Lexa, Clarke sat up, her legs dangling over the side of the bed. She breathed deeply a few times, her shoulders curved over. She looked down at the floor without moving for some minutes, and Lexa watched her, waiting for some sign of what her girlfriend needed.

Then Clarke took in a deep breath, sat up straight, and pushed off of the bed and onto her feet. She turned to Lexa, her expression stony. "Let's get dressed."

Lexa nodded and sat up, getting out of bed quickly to get some clothes for the day. She changed, watching Clarke all the while.

The blonde was walling herself in, building up her defenses. Lexa could understand that. She could. But she hated seeing Clarke do it. She shouldn't have to do that. And yet, there she was, watching Clarke build up her walls with each piece of clothing she put on. Her eyes grew emotionless, her expression more neutral.

When she pulled her last shoe on and stood to face Lexa, every sign of the hurting Clarke that Lexa had held all night was gone.

"Ready?" Lexa asked gently. She wanted to reach out to Clarke; wanted to hold her hand and supply some comfort. But the Clarke in front of her right now wouldn't want that. She was stony, and composed, and stronger than any other person Lexa had ever met.

She shouldn't have to be.

Clarke nodded and walked out of the room without a word. And, with a soft sigh and her heart aching, Lexa followed.

* * *

 

Clarke let Lexa drive. She only spoke when she needed to point out the next turn that they'd have to take. Otherwise, the ride was silent. They left the radio off. There was no music that seemed appropriate for the day.

"Pull in here," Clarke directed, pointing to their right. Lexa did as she was told, pulling in and parking in the sparse parking lot.

Clarke stared out the windshield at the field in front of them. She looked to be lost in thought, lost in memories.

So Lexa waited calmly, saying nothing and making sure not to move too much. She didn't want to seem impatient. Clarke could take however long she needed.

She wasn't sure how long they sat there before Clarke took a breath and pushed her door open. She shut it without a word, and Lexa followed her out.

Lexa walked a few paces behind Clarke as her girlfriend led her to the fence. Clarke stopped at the entrance, her hand on the swinging gate. Her knuckles turned white with her tight grip.

Waiting a moment, Lexa gave Clarke time to take the next step. When Clarke continued to just stand there, staring out blankly, Lexa walked up beside her, resting her hand on Clarke's.

Clarke looked to their hands slowly, blinking as if she was shocked to find either her or Lexa's hand there. She looked up to Lexa, confusion etched in her features. (It was the first time Lexa saw any emotion there since they got up that morning.)

Lexa smiled sadly, trying to be reassuring. She gave a gentle nod and pulled the gate open. Clarke's hand slipped out from under hers, and then her girlfriend was walking through the gate.

Each step looked like a battle won.

And Clarke looked more and more worn every time her foot hit the ground.

Lexa followed, ready to catch Clarke should she fall. She'd be there. She'd help her continue on. Every battle Clarke faced was Lexa's battle too. The burden of each step would belong to both of them.

Lexa wouldn't let Clarke hold this on her own.

They walked through the cemetery silently, passing few people kneeling at headstones. Whispered words of prayers and stories floated through the early morning air. It was almost beautiful in its sadness.

Clarke stopped near a giant oak tree. She placed her hand on the bark, her fingers trailing over the rough surface almost lovingly. Lexa watched her as she gazed up into the branches, breathing, breathing, breathing...

And then Clarke's head fell, her gaze on the flat stone in front of her.

Lexa cringed as Clarke's knees connected with the marble slab, the sound echoing for a moment in the silent air.

Clarke bent over, hands on her thighs as she stared down the words on the headstone.

_Jacob Griffin_  
Father, Husband, Son  
And the world became a little darker

Clarke's fingers traced over the letters, lingering on the date of Jake's final day. Lexa walked closer, her hand brushing against Clarke's shoulder as Clarke continued to kneel beside her.

"I used to come out here every Sunday," Clarke said, breaking the silence around them. Lexa looked down at her, waiting to see if she'd continue. She eventually did. "We used to always go out to breakfast on Sundays. Just me and him. It was the only day he knew he'd have off work. He called it our recap. We'd spend the morning telling each other everything that happened during the week."

Clarke broke off, her hand coming back to her lap as she clenched her fists. "I thought it was the stupidest thing during my freshman year of high school. I just wanted to sleep in on the weekends. But every Sunday, he'd come bounding into my bedroom to pull me out of bed for our weekly recap, no matter how much I protested. He was such a dork." Clarke wiped at her eye angrily. "The last one we went on was the day before he died. I kept pushing him away. I didn't want to go. It was stupid and I was tired, and we had just had dinner together the night before as a family. I didn't see why we needed the recap that week. But still, he kept pushing until I got out of bed and got ready, and we went to breakfast. I was sulking the entire time." She scoffed at herself, her head tilted down as she looked at her hands. "I'd give anything for one more recap. One more breakfast."

She placed her palm on the headstone, leaning on it as she broke. "I'd give anything to have you back, Daddy. I miss you so much," she said through her sobs. She bent over even further, collapsing in on herself.

Lexa couldn't keep standing any more. She couldn't let Clarke go through this alone, no matter how strong she was. So she fell to her knees, pulling Clarke to her chest. She stretched her hand out, placing her palm on the back of Clarke's on the headstone, her fingers filling the spaces between Clarke's.

"It hurts, Lex," Clarke gasped. She clutched at her chest with her free hand, bending over her knees completely. Lexa moved with her, huddled around her, covered her from the world. She would be her shield when she couldn't protect herself.

"I know, love."

"I just want him back." Clarke's hand fell from her chest and her fist hit the ground beside her. "Why did he have to go? Why _him_?"

Lexa didn't answer. She had no answer for Clarke. There was absolutely nothing she could say that would make Clarke feel better. There was nothing that would make this make sense.

But she could hold her. Lexa could hold Clarke, and comfort her as best she could. She could maybe take some of the pain. She could lessen the blow.

Clarke's sobs calmed into hiccups, her body still shaking with every breath she took.

And then Lexa started speaking. She didn't even know she was going to say anything until her lips fell open and words started pouring out. "Mr. Griffin, I never met you, but I wish I had." Clarke's breath caught in her throat, her fingers flexing around Lexa's on the headstone. "If you're anything like your daughter, you must have been an amazing man. And from what she's said about you, I have no doubt that you were an amazing father." She took a deep breath, staring at Jake's name. "I wanted to thank you, sir. For bringing Clarke into this world. For raising her and teaching her how to love and be loved. Thank you for leading her and helping her grow up into the woman she is today. She's amazing, you know? Like no one else I've ever met. And I'm in love with her, Mr. Griffin. I am in love with your daughter. I'm sure if you were here, you'd have a few words to say to that. Any good father would."

Clarke let out a watery chuckle. She twisted her hand under Lexa's and twined their fingers together, grasping at Lexa's hand.

"But I love your daughter, and I promise I'll take care of her. I wish that you could be here to see her. To see how stubborn she is, and how brilliant she is, and how she shines every single moment of the day. And I want you to know that I will do everything within my power to make sure that she is happy every day of her life." She tightened her arm around Clarke's shoulders. "And even in the hard times, in the moments when we're broken and grieving, I promise I will be by Clarke's side, just as I know you wish you could be. She won't be walking through this world alone. She is so loved, Mr. Griffin."

Clarke turned in Lexa's arms, another sob shaking out of her. She tucked her face against Lexa's chest, letting go of her hand to cling to Lexa's shirt. Lexa brought both arms up and around Clarke, holding her tightly.

Lexa looked down at Clarke in her arms, her cries settling and calming slowly, her breathing returning to normal. She rocked Clarke gently, rubbing her back soothingly, willing to stay there for as long as she needed.

She looked up into the branches of the old oak tree, the sunlight dancing trough the breaks in the leaves to shine down on them. Maybe he wasn't there physically, but Lexa was certain that Jake Griffin was looking down on them, watching over them.

When clouds started to roll in and block out the sun, she looked back down at Clarke to find her asleep in her arms, tired out from crying. Lexa coaxed her awake enough to stand and then took her into her arms, cradling her against her chest once again. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck, her face pressed against Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa looked down once more at the headstone, her grip tightening reassuringly around Clarke. Clarke's breathing was steady against her neck, and she knew she had fallen back asleep, escaping reality for what Lexa could only hope were better dreams than the night before.

She nodded once as if saying goodbye to Jake, whispering, "Thank you," before turning away.

Clarke slept through the entire drive to her mother's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. Okay, that's part 1 of this. Everything will be concluded for this portion next chapter. Unfortunately, that means (hopefully only) a week of waiting for y'all. Sorry about that. 
> 
> But Octavia and Raven are gonna have a kid!! Who's excited? I know I am. I hope y'all love the kid when they show up. They're a cutie for sure. 
> 
> You can leave a comment/request below and I'll love you forever. Or you could leave me some Kudos and I'll love you for, like, a week. Maybe a month. Probably more like a good few years. AND, you can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you feel so inclined. I'd love to "meet" some of my readers.


	55. All I Know is that We'll Never Really be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brunch, drives, and a school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter concludes the 10 year anniversary. I hope you think I did it justice.

"Clarke?" Lexa called, shaking Clarke's shoulder gently. Clarke groaned and rolled her head against the headrest to look at Lexa. She rubbed at her eyes blearily, trying to focus them.

Lexa was smiling softly at her when she was finally able to see her.

"We're at your mom's. Are you ready to go in?"

In that moment, Clarke couldn't imagine loving Lexa any more. Her heart swelled to an almost painful proportion as she took in her girlfriend's concern for her. She wasn't pushing Clarke to move any quicker than she was able. And she had let Clarke sleep instead of prying at her. She was taking care of everything.

Clarke leaned forward and pressed a sleepy kiss to Lexa's lips.

And Lexa, in all of her insightful glory, just smiled at her knowingly before reaching over and unlatching Clarke's seatbelt for her.

"Whenever you're ready, love."

Clarke turned and looked up at the house in front of her. It had been so empty after her father had died. She couldn't imagine what it felt like living completely alone there. It must have been a daily torture for her mom.

She nodded and reached for her door. "Alright. Let's go."

They got out of the car and made their way to the front door, Clarke pulling out the key she had never been asked to give back when she moved out. She unlocked the door and let them in.

"Mom?" she called out hesitantly. She didn't know what state her mom was going to be in.

When Abby Griffin came stumbling down the stairs, looking disheveled, Clarke's brow scrunched in concern.

"Mom?" she asked again, reaching out toward her mom. Abby stopped about halfway down the stairs, staring at them... excitedly?

"Sorry, I'm running late. Long shift last night. Just give me a minute and I'll be down. Then we can head out." She turned and was about to run back up the stairs before looking over her shoulder. "Oh, hey Lexa," she said as an after thought. And then she was gone, back up the stairs and into her bedroom to finish getting ready.

They stood at the bottom of the stairs in shocked silence.

"That... was not what I was expecting," Clarke finally said, still staring up the stairs where her mother had disappeared.

Lexa shook her head in wonder. "Did she seem..."

"Excited?" Clarke finished, looking to Lexa in her confusion. "Yeah. She definitely did."

Lexa hummed, slowly coming back from her shock. She wound her arm around Clarke's lower back and tilted her head down the hall. "Shall we go wait for her?"

"Yeah. The living room is right down here."

Clarke led them to the living room, finding the Griffin's old, beat-up couch still there, taking up most of the space. She fell down onto the couch, pulling Lexa down with her to sit next to her.

"She might be a bit," Clarke said apologetically.

Lexa shrugged, lifting her arm to place around Clarke's shoulders. "I can be patient."

"So you've proven." Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder, taking her other hand in her own and playing with her fingers. "I'm sorry about earlier."

She felt Lexa shake her head. "There's nothing to apologize for."

"I was a mess. And I probably will be again before this day is over."

Lexa squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay."

Clarke just hummed, not thinking that it was okay at all, but forever grateful to have a girlfriend who thought it was. Who was understanding enough to let her cry on her shoulder for hours on end.

"Thank you," Clarke mumbled out minutes later.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's head, lingering there and letting that be her response. Clarke could feel Lexa taking deep breaths, her chest rising and falling with every one as she breathed Clarke in.

Abby's footsteps stomping down the stairs broke them out of their peaceful reprieve. Lexa pulled away slightly, though her arm didn't move from around Clarke, and looked over her shoulder to see Abby standing in the entrance to the living room.

"Alright, I'm ready. We can take my car." She motioned for them to follow her out of the house.

Clarke and Lexa stood from the couch, following Abby out and to her car. Clarke took the passenger's seat, Lexa sitting behind her in the back.

Clarke waited until they were in the car to start asking questions. "Where exactly are we going?" she asked almost hesitantly.

"Have you two eaten yet?" Abby asked, looking in the review mirror to see Lexa shake her head. "I was thinking we'd start with brunch."

"Brunch?" Clarke asked skeptically.

Abby nodded. "Yes. Brunch."

Clarke let it drop, trying to be patient with her mother. It was hard because she had no idea what she was up to, and her behavior wasn't lending itself to the exactly sane side of things. But she let it slide for now and stared out the window in silence.

They drove on for almost half an hour before Abby pulled up to a little roadside diner.

Clarke stared up at the building, trying to convince herself to not start crying again.

Abby's hand landed on her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Good?" she asked, her eyes searching when Clarke met her gaze. Clarke smiled sadly and nodded.

With a soft smile, Abby turned and got out of her car, Lexa and Clarke following after.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked quietly as they followed Abby to the door.

"This is where we used to have our recaps," Clarke explained. Her hand shook as she took Lexa's. "I haven't been here since..." she trailed off, knowing Lexa would understand.

They sat in their usual booth, the waiter arriving shortly after they were seated. He was young, probably pretty new, and clearly didn't grasp the gravity of the situation.

Which was fine, because how would he possibly know?

He placed the menus down and took their drink orders - coffee all around with an orange juice for Abby - and left them to peruse the menu.

Clarke's eyes scanned the menu for her usual (she and Jake used to get the same thing every time they came here), hoping that they hadn't changed things too much since she had last been here. The menu did look different though, so she wasn't too hopeful.

She gasped and held the menu tighter when her eyes fell to the bottom, on the last item listed.

_The Jake Special_

Abby looked up at her with wide eyes, her own lip trembling.

"Did you know?" Clarke asked shakily. It was what they had used to order when they came here. The exact same thing. They had named something after her dad, and she didn't even know about it.

Abby shook her head, looking down at the menu in wonder.

The waiter came back with their drinks, asking if they were ready to order.

"The Ja-Jake Special, please," Clarke said, voice cracking as she said her dad's name.

To her surprise, both Lexa and Abby ordered the same. The waiter looked at them skeptically, jotting down the order on his little notepad.

"You're sure you all want the same thing."

Lexa nodded. "Yes, please."

The boy shrugged, turning away from them without another word and putting their order in.

A few moments later, a man peeked out of the kitchen, his eyes scanning the diner searchingly.

He pushed out of the kitchen, jaw dropped in surprise when he looked over and saw Clarke. Clarke looked at him in confusion for a moment before a smile spread across her lips.

"Marcus?" she asked excitedly. She stood from the booth as he walked closer, his arms stretched out for a hug. Clarke eagerly accepted, sinking into his embrace willingly.

"Do my eyes deceive me or has the prodigal daughter returned?" he asked as he pulled back, his eyes kind though reflecting a hint of sadness.

Clarke laughed, shrugging off the comment. "Mom wanted brunch," she explained easily, waving over to her mother.

"Well, mark me amazed. Abby Griffin in my diner? I never thought I'd see the day." He took Abby's hand and pulled her out of the booth, pulling her into a hug. "It's great to see you both," he said after he let Abby go.

"You too, Marcus," Abby said, sounding hesitantly happy.

"And who's this?" Marcus asked, looking to Lexa.

Lexa stood from the booth, stretching her hand out to shake Marcus'. "Lexa Woods, sir."

Marcus rolled his eyes and pulled Lexa into a hug. She was stiff for it, but hesitantly reached up and patted him awkwardly on the back. He chuckled and let her go. "Not a hugger, then."

"Not really, sir."

"So formal. Call me Marcus." They all sat back down, Marcus sliding into the booth next to Abby and looking across the table at Clarke. "So, it's been a while," he started. He raised his brows expectantly, but didn't press.

Clarke shrugged again. "Life got in the way."

Marcus nodded knowingly. "It does that at times. Though, I thought you would have come back to at least visit every once in a while." He looked over to Abby almost accusingly, though the spark of humor was still in his eyes. "Lifelong friends usually make time to see each other."

"Roads go both ways, Marcus," Abby said, waving him off.

"But surprisingly, you drive down the same one, right by my diner, every day on the way to work, miss head surgeon at Ark General."

"It's kind of creepy that you know that." Abby looked at him suspiciously.

He shrugged her off. "I thought I should keep an eye out for my best friend's wife and daughter."

The mood changed, dropping from the light banter quickly.

Clarke cleared her throat. "Marcus was my dad's best friend all throughout middle school and high school. He was the best man at Mom and Dad's wedding," she explained to Lexa who was looking slightly confused. "That's why Dad and I always came to this diner. To see Marcus."

"And to get a discount on your meals," Marcus added, trying to lighten the mood again.

The corner of Clarke's lips lifted in a small smile. "The discount didn't hurt."

Marcus hummed thoughtfully. "I saw that you noticed the new menu item?" he started. He sounded almost hesitant, his eyes weary as he waited for Clarke's reaction.

Clarke smiled shakily at him. "I'd hardly call it new. We used to get it every week."

"You did," Marcus said simply. They fell into silence, no one knowing what exactly to say.

Finally, Clarke leaned forward and placed her hand on Marcus' on the table. "Thank you. He would have loved it."

Marcus laughed, his voice thicker than before. "Ten years, huh?" he said gruffly. He squeezed Clarke's hand discretely before letting her pull back again.

"Ten years," Clarke agreed. Lexa took her hand under the table, tangling their fingers together and rubbing her thumb against the back of Clarke's hand soothingly.

"Seems like just yesterday you and your dad were sitting in here, chattering on about your weeks. He always loved your teenage gossip."

Abby sat stiffly beside Marcus, her eyes glued to the table in front of her. She looked so different from the woman they found in the house that morning. Gone was the excitement that she had stumbled down the stairs with. And Clarke couldn't help but wonder if she was faking it all along.

"Yeah. Yeah, it does," Clarke agreed, watching her mother warily.

Marcus opened his mouth, about to say something else, when the waiter appeared once again with their orders. "Three Jake's Specials," he said, placing one in front of each of them at the table. "Did you want one, Mr. Kane?" he asked, looking at Marcus in surprise.

Marcus shook his head. "Oh no. I was just visiting with some old friends." He stood from the table, turning back and resting his hands against the top. "Let me know if you need anything. And don't leave without saying bye."

He turned when Clarke nodded and told him she'd get their waiter, Adam, to get him before they left.

They ate in silence, the diner's soft music the only sound other than their forks and knives scraping against their plates.

And Clarke felt awkward. She assumed her mother didn't think Marcus would be at the diner, or hadn't thought it through fully. And now it was like a completely different woman was sitting across from them. She was stiff, looking emotionless and blank as she ate in silence.

Clarke glanced over to Lexa to see her looking just as uncomfortable with the situation.

"It's just as good as I remember it," Clarke tried, voice timid as she pushed her empty plate away.

She had had to force almost every bite down her throat.

"I can see why you used to order this every time you came here," Lexa said, smiling encouragingly at her. Clarke smiled back, still feeling anxious and uncomfortable.

Abby cleared her throat and pushed her plate away, still half full. "We should get going." She motioned for the waiter to bring the bill and paid it quickly, telling him to keep the change as his tip. Then she slid out of the booth and pulled her jacket on, getting ready to leave.

"Shouldn't we let Marcus..." Clarke trailed off, looking up at her mother from where she sat in the booth.

Abby sighed, but waved the waiter back over and asked him to get Marcus. She was acting as if she didn't want to see him again, and Clarke couldn't figure out why. They used to be really close, Marcus visiting Jake often enough to be considered family.

Marcus came back out of the kitchen, wiping his hands off on a hand-towel. "Headed out already?"

"We have somewhere we need to be. It was nice seeing you again, Marcus," Abby said businesslike.

Marcus looked her over, his forehead scrunched in confusion, the laugh lines around his eyes more pronounced. He finally just hummed and nodded at her. "Don't be a stranger, alright?" He looked to Clarke with a smile. "I know you live further away now, but I wouldn't mind seeing you every now and then. We can catch up on what's been going on in your life." He looked at Lexa pointedly before looking back to Clarke.

Clarke stood from the booth and hugged Marcus again. "Absolutely. We'll come back by in a few weeks if we can manage."

"This one likes to keep busy," Lexa explained, her arm wrapping around Clarke's lower back. She looked at Clarke with pride, and Clarke felt her heart swell with love again.

When she looked back to Marcus, he was smiling warmly at them. "Well, make sure she gets enough rest and nourishment. If I remember correctly, she likes to skip sleep and food when she's focusing on school work."

Lexa chuckled at that. "She still does. But I try to get her to eat and sleep as much as I can."

Marcus nodded at her approvingly.

"I'm right here, you know?" Clarke said, feigning annoyance. She glared between Marcus and Lexa accusingly.

Lexa just laughed, kissing Clarke's temple lovingly. "I'll take care of her, sir," she said to Marcus.

"That's what I like to hear." He stretched out his hand, giving Lexa's a hearty shake. "Jake would have liked you, kid."

Lexa stiffened for a moment against Clarke, before Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa's waist and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Yeah, he definitely would have," Clarke agreed, looking up at Lexa with a smile.

A soft blush was spreading up Lexa's neck to her cheeks, but she smiled widely at the assurance.

Abby cleared her throat, looking more relaxed than she had through their meal. Her shoulders drooped slightly, but she smiled softly at the three of them. "We really do need to get going," she said gently and almost apologetically. Clarke didn't know what had changed, but she was glad to see her mother softening up after being so rigid earlier.

Marcus looked at her, clearly noting the change as well. He held his arms out questioningly, and she accepted the hug almost without any hesitation. She seemed to sink into it.

Clarke could hear them mumble something to each other, though she couldn't tell what was said. But, when they pulled apart, Abby gave Marcus a watery smile that was returned with an equally emotional grin. "Don't be a stranger," he repeated to her, giving her shoulder a squeeze before he turned back and escaped to the kitchen.

Abby took a deep breath, recollecting herself before she turned back to Clarke and Lexa. "Ready?"

* * *

 

They drove for a couple of hours after the diner, Abby taking the wheel once again. Neither Clarke nor Lexa had any idea where they were headed, but they were content to let Clarke's mom lead the way.

Conversation was sparse, none of them feeling the need to keep a steady flow of chatter going. Instead, they all stared out of the car, lost to their own thoughts. Lexa dozed in the back, jerking awake every few moments and trying to shake her exhaustion away. Clarke smiled as she watched her doze off again through her mirror.

She had figured that Lexa stayed up all night to watch over her. This was proof enough.

Abby pulled up to a university hours after they started driving. She pulled up to the main building, parking in one of the reserved parking spots.

Clarke looked to her mom in confusion. She knew where they were. She had toured the school when she was deciding where to pursue her undergraduate. And as she wandered the halls back in her junior year of high school, she couldn't help but feel the ghost of her father wandering them with her. He had walked those very halls years before as he pursued his own degree. He had joked with friends in the cafeteria, slept in the dorm rooms, pulled pranks on the quad. Clarke could imagine it all, and it was almost too much for her when she was taking the campus tour.

She was surprised that Abby would bring them back here, given how they both almost broke down the last time they were here. Abby hadn't even gotten out of the car, leaving Clarke to find the counselor to show her around by herself.

"I've been in touch with them," Abby started, staring out the windshield and up at the building in front of them. "We have a meeting to get to. Everyone out of the car."

Clarke did as she was told, though hesitantly. And Lexa, looking slightly confused, followed along, providing support to Clarke in whatever way she could.

Clarke explained the significance of the university quietly as they followed their mom up the stairs to the building.

"Abby Griffin for--" Abby tried to introduce, but was cut off before she could finish.

"Right this way," the receptionist said, standing from her seat and leading their group into one of the conference room.

Which is where they found half a dozen other people waiting for them around a circular table.

"I'm sorry we're a little late. We had a long drive," Abby said in lieu of a greeting.

The woman sitting at the head of the table waved her off. "It's quite alright, Mrs. Griffin. Please, take a seat."

Abby sat in the seat directly across from the woman, Clarke sitting to her right with Lexa beside her. Those at the table introduced themselves.

"We've drawn up the paperwork for the scholarship you requested. It will provide for room and board as well as text books and a decent portion of the tuition for the recipient. Of course, it will be both academically and need based, offered to those in the engineering program who are pursuing any of the degrees listed." The woman at the head of the table, Megan, as she'd introduced herself, handed over a portfolio folder filled with paperwork. "Pages three to seven list the qualifications and page eight is a mock-up of the application form. If everything is to your standards, we can work through the financial aspect and set up the funds to be available for next term."

Abby took the portfolio and looked through the document, Clarke watching her all the while. She was so confused.

"Excuse me," Clarke said as her mother continued to read through the pages. Megan looked to her, nodding for her to continue. "I'm sorry, I'm just confused. What exactly is going on here?"

Megan cleared her throat, eyes darting between Clarke and Abby. She very clearly didn't want to overstep if Abby didn't want her to say anything. Abby simply waved her on, not looking up from the page she was reading.

"We are the scholarship committee for the university. Your mother contacted us a few months ago and started the process of creating a scholarship in honor of your father. It's to supply the funds to a student in need to go through a similar program that your father graduated from. Of course, the program has adapted since his time here, but it is in essence the same. This scholarship will sponsor most of a student's progress through the program, though they will have to pay a little still. It will be offered every year to an incoming student, to continue on with them as long as they remain in the program and sustain a high level of academic standing," Megan explained. "Your mother has already provided the funding for the first term of one of our students starting in the fall. We selected them prior to this meeting - you'll find their information on page eight. They've also asked us to give you their letter of thanks." She handed over a sealed envelope, giving it to Clarke.

Clarke looked down at the envelope in her hand, eyes becoming blurry. She could feel the tears already building up. She looked to her mom to find her looking at her already, concerned.

"You planned all this?"

Abby nodded, looking almost nervous. "I think he'd be proud to know that his memory is going to help support up and coming scientists."

Clarke bit her lip, trying to hold back tears.

Abby looked away quickly, signing the last page of the document in front of her and pushing the portfolio back across the table to Megan. "It looks perfect. Thank you."

Megan smiled and pulled the portfolio closer, grabbing a pen and signing under Abby's name. "Then it's official. The Jake Griffin Scholarship is now live."

They barely made it out of the building before Clarke flung herself at her mom, hugging her tightly. "This is amazing, Mom. Dad would have loved it."

Abby wrapped her arms around Clarke, holding her tightly. They stood there like that, comforting each other, for a while. Lexa stood to the side, giving them time to themselves.

Finally, Abby broke away, holding Clarke at arm's length. "Why don't we take a look at that letter? Find out a bit about whoever we're funding?"

Clarke nodded and sat on one of the steps to the building, Abby sitting next to her. Clarke looked back to Lexa, beckoning her over as well.

And together, they read about the person that would be living Jake's legacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that was a bit emotional. But we made it through it. And, as far as I can remember, we only have one more emotional part in this. Well, sad emotional part. We'll pull through that one together, too. 
> 
> Next chapter, we'll be on to lighter topics. 
> 
> Your comments, questions, requests, and Kudos are loved sincerely. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv.


	56. Pretend Like It's the Weekend Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets, the goddaughter, and paint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BEEN AGES AND I'M SO SORRY!!
> 
> But here is an update. And I hope you like it.

"Do you want to take a vacation this summer?" Lexa asked, looking over travel destinations that they could consider if Clarke wanted to. She sat on their couch, perusing random travel agency sites on her laptop. "Clarke?" she called again when she didn't get a response.

The front door pushed open and Clarke wandered in, shopping bag in her hand.

Lexa looked at her, brow scrunched in confusion. "When did you leave?"

Clarke dropped her keys in the dish on the table, coming over to sit beside Lexa on the couch. "While you were in the shower." She looked at the computer screen curiously. "Planning a trip?"

"Well I was considering it. I was asking the empty apartment if it wanted to go on vacation this summer. It was all for it."

"Oh was it?" Clarke asked, brow raised. "I think it may find it difficult to leave the area."

Lexa shrugged, going back to scrolling through the webpage she currently had up on her screen. "We'll figure it out. The apartment is very persistent. Great company when my girlfriend decides to abandon me without notice."

Clarke huffed. "I did not abandon you without notice. I left a note right," she leaned forward and grabbed a piece of paper off of the coffee table, "here. If you'd actually look around sometimes..."

"Are you insinuating that I'm not observant?" She looked down at the paper and, sure enough, Clarke had left her a note saying she was running out for a minute and would be right back.

"I'm insinuating that you can sometimes have a one-track mind." She leaned back on the couch, looking closer at Lexa's computer. "Now, tell me about this vacation you're going to take me on."

Lexa turned the screen away so Clarke couldn't see it clearly. "Tell me what you had to run out for first."

"I needed to pick something up."

"And it couldn't wait until we went grocery shopping this afternoon?" Lexa looked over Clarke at the bag that was now laying beside her on the couch. "What did you get?"

"Something that I ordered a while back. It was ready to be picked up." Lexa stared at her expectantly, to which Clarke only grinned. "You're nosy, you know that?"

"Well, when my girlfriend disappears without notice..."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Again. Note." She pointed at the paper she had put back on the coffee table.

Lexa waved her off. "Don't make me lower myself to sneaking around."

"Alright, alright," Clarke conceded. She grabbed the pen she had used earlier off of the coffee table and held it out to Lexa. "First, take this." Lexa took the pen, brow raised in question.

"What exactly do I need a pen for?"

"All in due time, love." Clarke turned away from her, hiding whatever she was pulling out of the bag from her view. She looked over her shoulder with a huge grin. "Excuse me, Miss Woods? You may not know this, but I am your biggest fan, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to autograph this for me." She spun back around and held out a hardcover book to Lexa.

A hardcover book that had Lexa's name printed across the bottom.

It was Lexa's book.

Lexa's jaw dropped, her hand reaching out shakily to just barely run her fingers over the cover. "Is this...?"

Clarke nodded excitedly. "I put in a pre-order for it as soon as I could. Of course, you're going to have your publisher's copy or whatever, but I wanted to buy my own, official release version." She flipped the cover open to the title page. "If you would, please..." She nodded down at the page and looked at Lexa expectantly.

Barking out a laugh, Lexa uncapped her pen and quickly scribbled her signature onto the page. "I can't believe you went out and bought a copy."

"It's not every day that my girlfriend gets her book published."

"It definitely took long enough," Lexa grumbled under her breath. She took the book from Clarke, flipping through the pages quickly before closing it and staring down at the front cover again. "Is this real?" she asked, sounding completely amazed. She ran her fingers over the title. _Trikru_. Her book. This was her book, in her hands, ready to be presented to the world.

This couldn't be her reality right now. There was just no way.

Clarke nodded excitedly beside her. "Oh, it's definitely real, babe. You wouldn't believe the display they have set up at the bookstore. They went with the whole 'end of the world, surviving in the woods' theme. It was quite impressive."

Lexa looked to Clarke, knowing very well that the tears that were building up were going to fall any second. "This is my book."

Clarke nodded again, smiling at her gently. She lifted her hand to scratch softly at the back of Lexa's head. "Yeah. That's your book."

"I'm published."

Another nod.

She wasn't expecting to feel so emotional about getting her book published. But now, sitting in her living room on her couch, Clarke's fingers scratching calmingly against her head... She just couldn't believe it. It was too much. She was holding...

" _My book_ ," Lexa said again, smiling widely as a few tears of joy escaped to trail down her cheeks.

Clarke laughed excitedly, jumping up from the couch and spinning around to face Lexa again. She leaned down and kissed her quickly. "That's right. That's your book. You're a published author now, and as a newly published author, you're going to take me out to dinner." She stood straight again, shooting a cheek-splitting grin at Lexa. "Come on. We're going out to celebrate."

* * *

 

"Can I read it?"

Lexa shook her head, smiling down at the little girl in her lap. She held her book in front of them, letting her look it over. "Maybe when you're a little older, kiddo."

Izzy looked over her shoulder and up at Lexa, pout firmly in place. "I'm five and a half, Auntie Lex. I can read it."

Lexa laughed. "You'll have to talk to your moms about that. My vote is not yet, though."

With a little glare, Izzy wiggled around on Lexa's lap so she could kneel on her and look her straight in the face. "I'm a big girl."

"Yes you are," Lexa agreed seriously. She had to fight off the smile that was trying to form at the little girl's stubbornness. Just like her mommas.

"And as a big girl, you need to accept when adults tell you to wait a bit," Raven said, walking into the room to sit down next to Lexa on the couch and look at her daughter. "What did Aunt Lexa tell you?" She raised her brow expectantly.

Izzy huffed dramatically, spinning around to fall back down in Lexa's lap limply. "But I don't wanna wait."

"Sorry, kid. It's just a bit too mature for you."

"I'm mature..." she mumbled out, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. She looked up at Raven with her face scrunched up. "What's mature mean, momma?"

Raven laughed at that, pulling Izzy into her lap and wrapping her arms around her. "You just gotta be a little bit older, kid."

Izzy lit up when Octavia walked into the room, Clarke following behind with a bowl of popcorn in her hands. Octavia set the drinks that she was holding down on the table and took a seat next to Raven.

"Mommy, Momma says I'm not ma-mature 'nough to read Auntie Lex's book," Izzy pouted, wiggling out of Raven's hold to climb onto Octavia's lap, straddling her legs. Clearly the kid thought she'd have better luck with her other mother.

"And what do you want me to do about that?" Octavia asked, smirking down at her daughter. Izzy waved her arms around as if the answer was obvious.

"Obviousy you should read me it," she said, sounding exasperated.

"And go against what your momma said? You want me to get in trouble for you?"

Izzy waved her off with her tiny hand. Octavia caught it and kissed her little palm, getting Izzy to giggle in her lap. "No, Mommy. Mommies can't get in trouble."

"You don't think so?"

Izzy shook her head wisely. "Mommies make the rules."

"And what did your momma say about reading Auntie Lex's book?" Octavia asked, brow raised expectantly.

Izzy's face fell as she realized her mistake. She sighed dejectedly and looked from each adult to the next as they all watched her, each looking slightly amused though they tried to hide it.

"I bet Auntie Lex would be willing to write something perfect for little girls named Izzy, though," Clarke said from Lexa's other side. She squeezed Lexa's hand in her own, smirking when Izzy looked at Lexa excitedly.

"Really, Auntie Lex?" she asked, crawling over her mothers to kneel back in Lexa's lap. She bounced on Lexa's thighs, barely able to contain herself in her excitement.

Lexa huffed out a sigh, glaring at Clarke quickly for getting her into this. When she looked back to Izzy, her glare melted into a loving smile. "Of course, Iz. How about..." she tapped her chin in thought, "Super Izzy?"

Izzy's face lit up at that, smile spreading wide across her face.

"I take it you like that?" Lexa asked teasingly. Izzy nodded excitedly, almost shaking with it. "We can even ask Auntie Clarke if she'd draw pictures in it for you."

Izzy's head snapped to look at Clarke, and she quickly crawled out of Lexa's lap and into Clarke's. Clarke huffed out a breath as Izzy collapsed against her chest, pushing the air out of her lungs. Izzy's head nestled into Clarke's neck and her arms wrapped around her shoulders as best as she could. " _Please_ , Auntie Clarke?" she begged.

She knew exactly how to play each and every one of them.

Clarke's shoulders slumped, and Lexa watched with a smirk.

"Of course, little one," Clarke agreed, smiling down at the girl that was nestled against her. She pressed a kiss to Izzy's head and held her goddaughter tightly.

Izzy, happily pleased with how that all turned out, wiggled in Clarke's arms until she was facing forward and was able to see the TV. "Movie time?" she asked eagerly. She got to pick out the movie for movie night, and now that everything was settled in her mind, she was ready to move on.

Raven rolled her eyes, though Lexa noted the happy smile on her face as she leaned forward and grabbed the remote to start the movie playing.

Lexa lifted her arm to settle it around Clarke's shoulders, smiling softly when Clarke leaned into her. Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder, her arms still around Izzy in her lap.

When Izzy reached over and grabbed Lexa's hand as if it was totally normal for her to do so, Lexa didn't object.

And maybe, just maybe, her mind wandered during the movie to what her future family with Clarke could look like. Because looking at Clarke holding Izzy, the two cuddled together under Lexa's arm? It looked a lot like family to her.

* * *

 

"Lexa?" Clarke called out, digging through the piles of books that she had scattered around the study's floor. "Have you seen my textbook?"

Lexa peeked into the room, and Clarke had to stop for just a second to take her in. Hair up in a messy bun, glasses slipping down her nose, sweats and an oversized sweater. It was a sight and was definitely one of Clarke's favorite looks.

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific, love," Lexa said, looking down at the floor pointedly to all of the textbooks that were laying about.

"The one I was reading last night before bed," Clarke explained, shaking herself out of staring at her girlfriend and going back to digging through the books around her. She was going to be late as it was, and if she couldn't find that book, her professor was _not_ going to be happy with her.

Lexa stepped into the room, looking down at Clarke with a little smirk. "Did you check the bedroom? You know, where you had it last night?"

"Didn't I bring it back in here before bed? I always bring my books back when I'm finished with them." Clarke scrunched up her face in thought, trying to remember the night before. She remembered closing the book and leaning back against her pillow for just a second. And she was going to get up and bring it back in here before she fell asleep. But her eyelids were so heavy and her head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds...

Lexa shook her head. "I'm pretty sure it fell off your lap when you rolled over around two in the morning, though." She reached down and took Clarke's hand to help her to her feet. "Go get your lunch and I'll go find your book."

They met again in the living room, Clarke stuffing her lunch and the textbook that Lexa handed her into her bag as she shuffled toward the door.

"You're the best, you know that?"

Lexa shrugged, leaning against the now open door as she watched Clarke try to pull herself together. "You may have mentioned it a few times."

Clarke walked up beside her, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She leaned up and kissed Lexa appreciatively, not bothering to rush. She was going to be late anyway. Why not enjoy this little bit of heaven while she could?

"Dinner tonight?" she asked quietly when she pulled apart, barely a breath away from Lexa. She brushed their lips together again briefly, running her hands up Lexa's arms to rub at her shoulders.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Lexa nudged Clarke's nose with her own, pressing their lips together once more before pushing Clarke away gently. "Get going so you can get back."

"I love you," Clarke said quickly, stealing another kiss before she turned away and started walking down the hall to the stairs.

"Love you, too!" Lexa called after her, watching until she disappeared from sight.

* * *

 

Lexa sat at the front desk of the library, working on writing the sequel to her book. Technically, she didn't need to keep working at the library anymore. She was still earning from her first book, and was expected to earn even more on the sequel. But, she couldn't give it up. She was happy working there, even though she had dropped back to being part time.

Clarke not visiting had most definitely put a damper on it, though.

She waved off one of the student workers that was just finishing up his shift, calling out a quick 'goodnight' without looking up from her screen. She was on to something, and didn't want to lose her train of thought.

"Excuse me," someone said, standing at the desk.

"One moment," Lexa mumbled, finishing up her sentence before looking up. She couldn't help the smile that took over as she realized who was standing opposite her.

Clarke handed over a cup of coffee, smiling sweetly at her. "I thought you could use a cup to finish off the night," she explained. Lexa stood and pulled Clarke closer by the back of her neck, kissing her excitedly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked when they broke apart, still smiling and incredibly happy that Clarke had shown up. Though she shouldn't have. If Lexa remembered correctly, Clarke had a night lab that she had to get to within the next twenty minutes, and the drive was at least half an hour from the library. "Is everything alright?"

Clarke nodded, bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly. "Definitely."

"Don't you have a lab?"

"My professor emailed all of us and cancelled. Her daughter's home sick with a stomach bug, and she didn't want to leave her for three hours by herself." Clarke grinned widely at her. "You know what that mean?"

Of course Lexa knew what that meant. It meant that Clarke had a night off that she didn't _have_ to be somewhere or doing something. "No school work or studying?" she asked hopefully. She didn't want to presume that Clarke would blow off her other studies on this rare occasion.

"Nope," Clarke said with a shake of her head. "No school work. No studying. Just me and you, enjoying a night off."

"Date night?" Lexa asked excitedly. They hadn't had a date night in... god, she couldn't even remember. At Clarke's nod, Lexa closed her laptop and turned from the desk. "I'm going to go see if Lincoln's still here. He'll be happy to cover the desk for the rest of the evening, I'm sure."

Clarke laughed at her eagerness, but could she be blamed? She rarely got to spend a whole night with Clarke's undivided attention. It was usually her, Clarke, and a textbook in bed at night. And she could confirm that there wasn't much else that went on other than reading and sleeping.

She skidded to a halt as she got to the aisle Lincoln was working in. He took one look at her eager and excited expression before waving her off with a kind smile. "Go on. I'll be up there to cover in a minute."

" _Thank you_!" Lexa nearly hugged him, but held herself back at the last second. Lincoln laughed as she quickly turned and darted back to Clarke.

Clarke had already packed up her bag for her, and waited with it hanging from her hand. Lexa took it and her cup of coffee, swinging her bag up onto her shoulder before wrapping her arm around Clarke and turning to the exit.

"We have the entire night ahead of us," Lexa started as they walked out of the library and into the parking lot. "Any ideas of what you want to do?"

Clarke looked at her, eyes darkening noticeably. "Oh, I have a few thoughts on that."

* * *

 

Lexa walked up to the front desk of the hospital and waited patiently for the receptionist to look up at her. When she did, she didn't look too happy to be interrupted by someone who didn't look very important at all.

Lexa gave her the most charming smile she could. "Is Clarke Griffin here?" she asked, fiddling with the bag she held behind her back. The woman looked unimpressed, but leaned over to grab her phone and call some extension.

She spoke into the phone briefly before hanging up. "She's with a patient right now, but will be out as soon as she finishes." The woman looked pointedly at the waiting area, effectively dismissing Lexa from her presence.

Lexa smiled overly brightly at her. "Thank you _so_ much." She turned and walked over to the waiting area, sitting down among the patients and putting the bag she was holding in her lap.

And she waited.

And waited.

God, she hated waiting rooms.

Finally, after what seemed hours but was in all actuality probably only twenty minutes, an angel in scrubs walked out of the back hall. She stopped at the front desk, leaning over slightly to talk quietly with the receptionist. The woman pointed behind Clarke at the waiting area, still looking just as exasperated. (At least it wasn't just Lexa that she gave that look to.)

Clarke turned quickly, her eyes landing right on Lexa and her face brightening immediately. Lexa stood and met her halfway.

"What are you doing here?" Clarke asked, clearly excited, if a little confused.

Lexa held up the bag of takeout that she had brought. "I knew you weren't planning on staying so late when you left this morning, and probably didn't bring anything to eat for dinner. So..." She shook the bag lightly.

Clarke's whole body loosened as the tension left her. "I love you, you know?" she asked, hand brushing against the back of Lexa's as she took the bag from her. She looked over Lexa's shoulder at the patients still waiting to be seen, and then at the clock on the wall, before over her own shoulder at the receptionist who was pointedly ignoring anyone and everyone in the room. Clarke chewed on her lip for a second before looking back up at Lexa. "Did you want to come back to the break room? I don't have a lot of time, but I think I can swing a few minutes."

How could Lexa refuse that?

She followed Clarke through the swinging doors and into the back hall, passing exam rooms on the right and left. They stopped outside of a nondescript door, Clarke pushing it open and letting Lexa enter first.

It was small, and the chairs that surrounded the small table looked incredibly uncomfortable. But at least it was a space away from the hustle of the hospital.

Clarke fell into one of the chairs, placing the bag of food on the other side of the table before letting her head fall onto her crossed arms. Lexa sat down opposite her, reaching out to run her fingers through Clarke's hair soothingly.

"I am _so_ tired, Lex," Clarke mumbled, her voice barely loud enough for Lexa to hear.

"I know, love." Lexa couldn't offer much to help Clarke, though she wished she could. But right now she could at least offer a little comfort and food. She untangled her fingers from Clarke's hair and pulled her chair around the small table so she was sitting beside Clarke. "Here," she offered, pulling the container of Chinese food out of the bag. "I got your favorite."

She placed the container in front of Clarke, offering her a pair of chopsticks when Clarke lifted her head from her arms. Clarke took them, though it looked to take a great effort to do so.

Lexa opened the container and watched Clarke expectantly. "Eat, love," Lexa said when Clarke just continued to fiddle with her chopsticks.

Clarke looked to her for a moment before bringing up a bite to eat. "Did you not bring some for yourself?" she asked after she swallowed. She quickly brought another bite up, the first clearly having reawakened her appetite.

Lexa smiled at the sight. "It's out in the car. I didn't think you'd be able to take a break."

Clarke scrunched her brow, trying to swallow the bite in her mouth quickly. "You waited almost half an hour for me. And now you're sitting in here."

With a shrug, Lexa brushed some of Clarke's hair behind her ear. "I can warm it back up at home. I wouldn't pass up spending time with you for anything."

Clarke melted before her eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't be home tonight."

Lexa shook her head. "There's nothing to apologize for. You're in your last year of school, and clericals have picked up. I understand. You're needed here."

Clarke sighed, putting her chopsticks down in the now almost empty container. "It's not fair to you."

"We've been through this before."

"But it's getting worse."

"I chose this, Clarke."

Clarke's nose scrunched up at that. "No. _I_ chose this. You chose to date me, not to have to deal with a med student."

"I knew what I was signing up for." Lexa placed her hand on the back of Clarke's chair, tugging the chair and Clarke closer to her so she was almost sitting between Lexa's spread legs. She placed her hand on Clarke's thigh, the other stretched across the back of Clarke's chair. "This is part of who you are."

"You're alone most nights now." Clarke fiddled with Lexa's fingers in her lap, staring down at their hands to avoid looking up at Lexa. "Are you sure you can handle another year of this?"

Lexa leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Clarke's temple. "I'm sure _we_ can handle another year of this. We've made it through three already. What's one more?" She kissed Clarke's cheek in reassurance. "I'm in for the long haul, babe."

Clarke chuckled at that, pulling away just far enough to turn her head and kiss Lexa tenderly. "I love you," she said as they pulled apart.

"I love you, too." Lexa smiled cheekily at her. "You know who else loves you?"

Clarke tilted her head in a silent question.

"Izzy. She was asking about you today when I saw her."

Clarke seemed to light up at that. "Did she? It feels like I haven't seen her in forever."

Lexa nodded. "She did. She wants you to come help her with an art project for school. Something to do with her family, I think."

"I'd love to. Can you tell her I'll be over on Sunday? I'm sure you'll end up seeing her before I do."

Lexa hummed, running her fingers through Clarke's hair again. It was as much of a comfort to her as it was to Clarke. "Why don't we call them? They should be finishing up dinner by now."

"Do you have your phone on you? I left mine in my locker."

Lexa pulled her phone out of her pocket, pulling up Raven's contact info and pressing the call button. She put it on speaker and placed her phone on the table as they waited for someone to pick up.

Unsurprisingly, Izzy picked up. She had started doing that any time Clarke's or Lexa's names appeared on her mothers' phones.

" _Auntie Lex?_ " her high, childish voice echoed through the small break room.

"Hey, kiddo. I have someone here that wanted to say hi." She smiled at Clarke expectantly.

"Hi there, little one," Clarke said with the softest smile that Lexa had ever seen. She kissed Clarke's temple lovingly.

Talking to her goddaughter was just what Clarke needed to push through the rest of her night. Lexa would have brought Izzy along if she had known Clarke would have been able to take a little break. But she hadn't wanted to get Izzy's hopes up and then have her disappointed if Clarke had to grab her dinner and get back to work without anything more than a quick hello and goodbye.

Izzy chattered on excitedly after Clarke mentioned her art project, promising to come by on Sunday to help with it.

And while Lexa watched the clock to make sure Clarke didn't go over her break by too much, could she be to blame for letting her girlfriend talk a little longer than planned?

The smile on Clarke's face was worth it.

* * *

 

Clarke used the spare key to Octavia and Raven's house to let herself in. They had moved earlier in the year, deciding that the apartment just wasn't big enough for the three of them anymore. And with Izzy's ever growing collection of toys, Clarke couldn't blame them.

She could hear people in the kitchen moving around and assumed that Izzy was in there with at least one of her mothers.

"Is there an Izzy-bear in the area?" Clarke called out. And then there was a thump followed by a pattering of footsteps as Izzy came careening out of the kitchen and into the hallway. When she saw Clarke, she darted down the hall and flung herself into Clarke's arms.

"You're here!" she cheered excitedly, arms clinging around Clarke's neck. "You're really here!"

Clarke laughed and spun her around, getting her little feet to kick out behind her. She'd be too big to do this soon, but Clarke was adamant that she'd soak up every moment of being able to carry her that she could. "I told you I'd come."

She carried Izzy down the hall back into the kitchen, Izzy giggling all the while, to find Octavia piddling about in the kitchen.

"We were just about to sit down to lunch. Did you want something?" Octavia asked, looking over her shoulder at Clarke and her daughter.

Clarke shook her head. "No. Lex and I grabbed some lunch on the way over."

"Auntie Lex is here too?" Izzy asked, looking over Clarke's shoulder and around the room as if Lexa was hiding from her.

Clarke bounced Izzy in her arms, getting her attention again. "Nope. She had some errands to run. But she'll be back super soon."

Octavia nodded and finished up making Izzy's sandwich, placing it down on the table in front of the little girl's spot. "Time to eat, bear." In the past year, Izzy had taken up a fascination with bears. Polar bears, panda bears, black bears, and especially... grizzly bears. So when Clarke had jokingly called her Izzy-bear as a play on words, it stuck. Now they could rarely get the girl's attention if they didn't call her by her nickname.

Octavia patted Izzy's chair expectantly. Izzy clambered down out of Clarke's arms and climbed up into her seat. Clarke took the seat opposite her at the table, and Octavia soon sat beside Izzy with her own sandwich.

"Where's Raven?" Clarke asked curiously. She looked around for any sign of her other best friend, but saw no hint of her.

Octavia waved her off, taking a bite of her sandwich. "Tinkering in the garage," she explained around a mouthful of food. Izzy glared at her, which earned a small eye roll before Octavia very noticeably swallowed her food. She held her mouth open with her tongue out at Izzy, waiting for an approving nod before she looked back at Clarke and continued. "I told her we were getting lunch, but she's right in the middle of finishing some new project. She promised that she'd be in as soon as she finished."

"And I never break a promise," Raven said, announcing her presence. She walked into the kitchen triumphantly. "Behold!"

In her hand, she held up a small metal ball. Octavia just quirked a brow, waiting for some explanation.

Raven plopped down in one of the empty chairs, leaning forward excitedly with her elbows resting on the table. "Do you guys remember the nerf battle senior year?"

"You mean the one where you decided to launch paint at everyone?" Clarke asked, knowing full well that's exactly the battle Raven was referencing.

Raven's eyes lit up with excitement. "Yes! That exactly! Well this," she held up the little ball again, "is that, but more condensed."

"Raven, I swear to god if you make that thing go off in this house you are seriously going to regret it."

Izzy looked between the adults gathered at the table before her eyes zeroed in on the little ball Raven had placed back down on the table.

"It won't go off," Raven assured, waving Octavia off. "You have to press a specific spot, and then there's an eight second count down for it to be tossed wherever the target is. It'll start beeping before--"

No one noticed the little hand reaching out across the table to grab the small ball.

They definitely did notice the soft beeping that started, cutting off Raven's explanation. The blood drained from Raven's face.

"Shit."

"Momma said a bad word!" Izzy said, covering her mouth and giggling around her hands.

"Rae..." Octavia warned, looking down at the ball Izzy had put back on the table.

Raven gulped and launched forward, snatching the little ball up and darting out of the kitchen.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit..." she chanted, running down the hall as fast as she could. They heard the front door open and a sigh of relief followed quickly by a shouted, " _Shit_!"

Clarke stood quickly, Octavia choosing instead to just place her head in her hands wearily.

"Why does it always have to go boom?" Clarke heard Octavia mumble as she made her way back into the hall and toward the front door.

Where she found Raven staring out of the house looking absolutely terrified.

"Rae?" Clarke asked nervously.

Raven looked over her shoulder at Clarke quickly before looking right back outside. "I can explain," she said hurriedly, holding her hands up in front of her as if to stave off an oncoming attack.

And then Lexa appeared, covered head to toe in paint. She looked more resigned than angry. "Why is it that I always seem to experience the brunt of your experiments?" she asked with a sigh.

Clarke tried to hold in her laugh. She really did. But seeing paint dripping off Lexa's face to splatter down onto the front porch was just too much. The complete fear that shone in Raven's eyes and tense body didn't help either.

So Clarke burst out in laughter, leaning against the wall to support herself.

"I'm glad you find this funny," Lexa said, glaring past Raven at her. Clarke tried to stifle her laughter, but just as she almost had it back under control, a blob of pink fell off Lexa's eyebrow to streak down her cheek, and it was just. too. funny.

Lexa crossed her arms, tapping her foot impatiently. Finally, she seemed to decide on a plan of action. "Raven, please get my girlfriend for me."

Raven hesitated only a moment before reaching back and dragging Clarke forward. She pushed her toward Lexa, almost as a peace offering.

And before Clarke could react or run away, Lexa was reaching out for her, dragging her out onto the front porch and into her arms, spreading the paint that covered her body all over Clarke as well.

" _Lexa_!" Clarke shrieked, trying to wiggle out of Lexa's arms. Lexa laughed, drawing Clarke closer and refusing to let go. Clarke couldn't help breaking into another fit of laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation.

She looked up at Lexa after she stopped squirming, smiling widely at Lexa's own smile. She leaned up and kissed Lexa soundly, her arms going up to wrap around Lexa's neck and hold them together.

"Mommy, why are Auntie Lex and Auntie Clarke covered in paint?"

They broke apart into another fit of laughter.

* * *

 

Clarke sat next to Izzy at the dining room table, changed into some of Octavia's sweats and a t-shirt. Lexa was similarly dressed, though looking much more pouty where she sat on the other side of the table.

Izzy bent over the paper in front of her, her little feet on the chair and her arm blocking whatever she was drawing from Clarke's eyes. Finally, she sat back in the chair. "There."

Clarke looked at the drawing, smiling widely at what her goddaughter had come up with. "It's beautiful, bear. But isn't your project supposed to be of your family?"

Izzy nodded, leaning back up onto the table. "Yep. This is my family. Momma and me and Mommy and you and Auntie Lex." She pointed to each little person in turn, and Clarke really had no idea how she could tell the difference between the little blobs that she had drawn.

She'd hang it up on her fridge if she could.

"Alright, so are you all done?" Clarke asked, smiling at her goddaughter.

Izzy shook her head and pushed the paper toward Clarke. "I need help with the trees."

"Trees can be difficult," Clarke said, nodding along. She patted her lap. "Come here, little one." Izzy crawled over to her to sit in her lap. When she was settled, Clarke had Izzy pick up a crayon and then took Izzy's hand in her own. "Ready?" When she got a nod in confirmation, she guided Izzy's hand over the paper, drawing a decent sized tree to the side of the family. "There ya go. You got it. Why don't you try to draw the next one on your own?"

She leaned over to peek down at Izzy, receiving a determined nod in return. Izzy poked her tongue out of the side of her mouth, leaning over the paper and drawing another tree on the other side of the family. When she was finished, she held the paper up in front of them.

"It looks perfect, Izzy-bear."

Izzy shook her head. "I need paint."

"Why do you need paint? It looks wonderful already."

Izzy put the paper back down on the table, pointing at the blob she had identified as Lexa. "For Auntie Lex." She looked up and pointed at Lexa. "Gotta get the paint on her nose."

Clarke looked up at her girlfriend, and sure enough, Lexa had missed some paint on the side of her nose when she was cleaning up. Clarke laughed and nodded at Izzy (to which Lexa tried to look exasperated), nudging her off of her lap so she could go get some paints for her from the cabinet. She came back with multiple different colors and placed them down on the table in front of Izzy. "Why don't we just cover her in paint again? Get the true essence of your Auntie."

She grinned cheekily up at Lexa, earning a glare in return. A glare that turned into a triumphant smirk when Izzy nodded and said, "You too, Auntie Clarke."

They'd have to come up with something to get Raven back later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for not getting angry and snippy with me for not updating regularly. It's been a crazy couple months, but I'm hoping it'll settle down soon. 
> 
> I hope you all liked the chapter. The story is going to be more or less in this style going forward, with some moments focused upon for longer. Let me know what y'all thank!!
> 
> I won't promise anything about the update, but the next chapter is a huge one that you'll all hopefully love. I'll get it up as soon as possible. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv, though I'm on that even less now, too. 
> 
> Until next time!!


	57. Tell the World that We Finally Got it All Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big developments and sisterly bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, two weeks in a row!! I think y'all have waited long enough for this one...

Clarke plopped down on the couch next to Lexa, placing a text book and a paper coffee cup down on the coffee table in front of them. She leaned back, resting her elbow on the back of the couch and her head against her hand.

Lexa, feet propped up on the coffee table, paused the documentary she was just starting and looked at Clarke. "Yes?" she asked, brow quirked and smiling.

Clarke grinned at her. "I love you, you know?"

"You may have mentioned that before," Lexa said teasingly. She leaned over and kissed Clarke quickly but sweetly.

Clarke shrugged when she pulled back. "Well I'm mentioning it again. I love you."

"I love you, too." Lexa turned back to face the TV, grabbing the remote up again. "Did you want to watch this with me?"

"I'll sit with you, but I need to get some reading finished." She looked pointedly to the book she had placed on the table before looking back at Lexa.

Lexa patted her lap invitingly. "By all means. I'll keep the volume down."

Clarke smiled brightly, twisting and falling back on Lexa's lap, her head cushioned by Lexa's thighs. She pulled her book to her and propped it up on her bent legs. "This shouldn't take too long," she said as she flipped through the pages she had to read. It wasn't that much compared to what she usually had to read. She could finish within a half hour if she focused.

Lexa hummed, letting her fingers tangle in Clarke's hair to scratch at her scalp. "Did you want your coffee?"

"Yours. I thought you might like some."

Lexa huffed out a laugh and leaned down to press a kiss to Clarke's forehead. "You're the one that's studying."

"You're the one that has to stay awake through a boring documentary," Clarke challenged teasingly. She stuck her tongue out at her girlfriend, earning an eye roll in return.

"It's not boring."

Clarke hummed. "Whatever you say, nerd."

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, Lexa playing the documentary with the volume turned down low and Clarke reading through her textbook.

When Clarke finished reading a little more than half an hour later, Lexa hadn't touched her coffee. "Is it really _that_ interesting?" Clarke asked, looking up at her girlfriend who was staring riveted at the screen in front of her.

"Yes," she answered simply, not looking away from whatever was happening on the TV. "Why do you ask?"

"You haven't touched your coffee." Clarke pouted up at her, folding her arms over her chest.

Lexa finally looked down at her, smiling softly. "I didn't want to disturb you by leaning over. I can go warm it up." She made a move as if to stand, but Clarke refused to let her get up.

"No, no. I'll take care of it. You stay and keep watching your nerd show." She winked and stood up, grabbing the coffee cup on her way to the kitchen.

She put the cup down on the counter, leaning against the counter herself with a heavy sigh. She didn't think she'd still be waiting, and her nerves were starting to get the better of her. In fact, she was surprised that Lexa hadn't noticed her fidgeting while she was reading on the couch.

Clarke flicked the cup, sending it sliding easily across the countertop, the object inside rattling about.

Maybe it was a stupid idea. Maybe the timing was off. Maybe she should just take the stupid thing out and make Lexa some actual coffee, forgetting about her plan entirely.

Or maybe she should just woman up and go back out to her girlfriend to see how her plan would unfold. She'd waited long enough as it is.

She opened and closed the microwave door loudly so that Lexa could hear it from the living room. Then, taking a deep breath, she picked the cup back up and walked back out.

She put it back on the coffee table, making sure to not let the object inside rattle around. "All warmed up. You should be good to go."

Lexa hummed, turning to give her a kiss on the cheek while still watching the TV. "Thanks, love. You're the best."

Clarke curled up next to Lexa, pulling her legs up under herself and tucking in under Lexa's arm. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke comfortably, sinking into her.

And then she sat there. And sat there. Watching the documentary that didn't seem to be anywhere near concluding.

Clarke's eyes flickered down to the coffee cup again and again, unable to stay focused on whatever was happening on the TV. "Your coffee's going to get cold again."

"Hm?"

"Your coffee. On the table. Getting cold," Clarke said again, looking at the cup that she had placed there almost ten minutes ago.

Lexa looked at the cup, recognition flashing across her features. "Right. Sorry." And then she leaned over to get it, and Clarke started holding her breath.

She lifted the cup with more force than necessary, clearly expecting it to be heavier than it was. "Did you grab the wrong cup?" she asked, face scrunched in confusion. "I think you left the one you made me in the kitchen." She tilted the cup in question, looking over to Clarke.

And it rattled and Lexa's eyes darted to it in surprise.

_Now or never_ , Clarke thought, biting her lip nervously. "It's the right cup."

Lexa shook the cup, tiling it back and forth as what was inside slid across the bottom noisily. And if Clarke didn't feel like her heart was in her throat, or if she didn't feel like she was going to pass out any any moment, she might have found the confusion and curious tilting cute. But, as it was...

"Just open it, Lex."

Lexa stopped tilting the cup, almost looking surprised at Clarke's suggestion. She pulled her arm from around Clarke and took hold of the lid, slowly lifting it off.

_Is she moving slower than usual? Like, super slow? This is ridiculous. Maybe I should just take it from her and open it for her. When did the world start spinning so slowly?_

Clarke's thoughts ran through her mind a mile a minute, changing faster than she could follow. Her eyes, though, stayed glued to Lexa's hand on the lid of the cup.

And then the lid was gone, and Lexa was looking down into the cup, frozen in place.

The seconds ticked on.

Clarke's hands grew sweatier.

Lexa blinked. Once. Twice.

"Lex?" Clarke asked timidly, voice barely above a whisper.

That seemed to shock Lexa back into action. She tilted the cup, letting its contents slide out into her open palm.

The ring sat perfectly in her hand, the lights in the room glinting off of the gems in it brightly.

Clarke had spent ages looking for the perfect ring. She'd dragged both Raven and Octavia out separately to get their opinions. They, of course, weren't much help. But they did shoot down the ones that Clarke had already bypassed. (Again, very unhelpful.)

She had finally settled on the simple ring that now sat in Lexa's hand. It was made of two strips, one crossing over the other. Imbedded in each were blue and green diamonds, subtle in their color, but no less perfect. Or, at least, Clarke thought they were.

_Maybe she hates it. Maybe she doesn't get why I'm giving her a ring. Maybe she changed her mind after everything and doesn't know how to let me down. Oh god, what if she doesn't want to marry me anymore? What if--_

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, eyes wide as she finally looked up at her. If Clarke wasn't mistaken, her eyes looked mistier, her cheeks flushed.

_Please let that be a good sign._

"Y-yes?" Clarke's voice cracked on the one syllable.

Lexa looked down pointedly at the ring still resting in her palm.

Clarke took a deep breath, sliding off the couch and down onto her knees in front of Lexa. Lexa's eyes never strayed from her, though they did widen in surprise.

"Lexa Woods. Five years go, I walked into a library, hating my life and regretting pretty much every choice I had made the day before. And then I looked up, and I saw an angel and thought that heaven had sent someone down to take me out of my hung-over misery." She laughed at herself nervously. "Turns out, heaven sent an angel to help me out a lot more than that." Another deep breath. "The past five years have been more than I ever could have hoped for. We've stumbled through this together, learning, arguing, bantering... loving. And I can't imagine going the rest of my life without that. When I think of my future, I only see you. I see you, and I see growing old with you, raising kids with you, laughing with you, crying with you, living _with you_." She gently plucked the ring out of Lexa's hand, holding it up between her fingers. "Would you, Lexa Woods, make me the happiest woman on earth?" She hesitated just a second, hoping for some sign from Lexa. "Marry me?" she asked hopefully, looking up at Lexa with a shaky smile. Her fingers shook as she held the ring out, waiting for Lexa to answer.

"Wait," Lexa said, standing up abruptly and walking down the hall, away from Clarke.

Clarke stared at where Lexa was just sitting, jaw slack and hand falling into her lap. She wasn't sure what just happened. One minute, Lexa was there, watching her and listening to her pour her heart out. The next, she was gone. _Wait?_

Her fingers curled around the ring on her palm, her fist clenching tight. _Did that mean no? Wait to ask? Is it still too early_? She stared down at her hands, feeling her eyes well up. _Don't cry. Don't you dare fucking cry._

She didn't notice when Lexa sat back down on the couch in front of her. She didn't even notice that she had begun to cry, her teeth biting into her trembling lower lip so hard that it started to bleed. She didn't notice anything until Lexa's fingers cupped her chin and lifted her head up to look at her.

She looked surprised at what she found. "Clarke? Why are you crying?"

_Why am I crying? Maybe because you just walked away from my proposal, you ass!_

Clarke didn't realize she actually said that out loud.

Lexa shook her head adamantly. "No, no, no," she hushed, slipping off the couch to kneel beside Clarke. "I didn't mean for it to come off like that. I just... I had to go get this." She held out a small box in her hand. Lexa smiled shyly up at Clarke. "You beat me to it."

She pulled the box open to reveal a tradition diamond engagement ring.

Clarke's hand came up to cover her mouth and stifle her cries, eyes darting between Lexa's eyes and the ring she was holding out to her.

"I had this whole thing planned out for after you graduated next month. Anya gave me our mother's ring ages ago and told me I needed to hurry up. But I didn't want to add pressure to your already heavy load," Lexa said, chuckling. "Seems like someone didn't want to wait that long, though." She pulled the ring out of the box, placing the box on the table and holding the ring up between her fingers. "I was even working on this wonderfully poetic proposal that would involve all our family and friends. No big boom, like Reyes did, but it was still going to be pretty amazing." She looked up from the ring in her hands to meet Clarke's watery blue eyes. "I love you, Clarke Griffin. I told you years ago that I wanted to marry you and spend the rest of my life by your side. I want to wake up every morning to your ridiculous bedhead, and fall asleep every night next to your dopey, tired smile. I want to argue with you about where to leave your shoes and your dirty laundry. I want to laugh with you every time one of us says or does something that we probably should have thought through a bit more. I want to be godmother to Izzy with you. I want to raise a family with you. I want to get another hedgehog or a dog or a cat or a fish with you. I want to go on crazy adventures in the spur of the moment with you. I want to let you convince me to do some ridiculous, crazy thing that no one else would probably every do willingly. I want to fight your nerf battles with you and get covered in paint with you and dance in the rain with you and sing horribly off key to stupid songs in the car with you. I want every day for the rest of my life to be with you." She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "And that was all horribly rambled and not as poetic as I had hoped it would be. But now I get to the part that was written from the very beginning. Clarke Griffin, will you do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?"

They both had tears sliding down their cheeks by the time Lexa actually got the question out. Clarke could only nod over and over, holding out her left hand for Lexa to put the ring on her finger. Lexa smiled widely, letting Clarke put her ring on Lexa's finger as well, before she cupped Clarke's face between her hands and pulled her into a happy, grinning, giggling kiss. They could hardly kiss properly because they were both just so happy they couldn't stop smiling into it.

Then Lexa pulled away, just barely, resting their foreheads together. "How could you possibly think I was walking away from your proposal?"

Clarke laughed breathily. "Maybe because you got up and walked away."

Lexa grinned and shook her head. "Sometimes I don't think things through all the way."

"Clearly," Clarke said around a soft laugh. She couldn't stop smiling. She could hardly believe that everything that just happened actually happened. She was... she was _engaged_ to Lexa.

She leaned forward and closed the gap between their lips again, this time slower. Their mouths moved against each other passionately, teeth nipping, tongues exploring. Taking their time.

Lexa pulled them up onto the couch slowly, never breaking away from their kiss. Clarke climbed into her lap, straddling her thighs. She cupped Lexa's jaw, her fingers pushing back into the hair at the back of her neck.

Lexa's hands slid down Clarke's body to rest on her hips, holding them together so that Clarke was almost arching against her. "God, you're beautiful," Lexa mumbled between kisses. She pulled away to trail kisses across Clarke's jaw and to her neck, nipping and sucking along the way. "My beautiful, gorgeous, _incredible_ fiancé."

Clarke moaned against her, head tilting back and to the side to give Lexa more room to roam. "Lex," she gasped out as Lexa began nipping at her pulse point.

"Let me show you how much I love you." It was a request, gentle but begging in its delivery.

Clarke nodded desperately, holding tighter to Lexa and pulling her impossibly closer.

Lexa's arms wrapped around Clarke's back, holding her securely, before she stood with one smooth movement. Clarke's legs reflexively wrapped around Lexa's waist, and she clung to Lexa like a lifeline.

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you," Lexa chanted like a mantra, making her way back up Clarke's neck and jaw to return to her wanting mouth.

Lexa's knees hit the end of the bed and she bent over to place Clarke gently on her back. Clarke pushed herself up the bed, Lexa crawling above her, not willing to break apart.

And there was no moment that night when they did.

* * *

 

Clarke awoke to Lexa's arms around her, her back pressed to Lexa's front. Their left hands were tangled together, both of their rings glinting in the early morning light that was shining through the part of the window not covered with the curtain.

She stretched her fingers out, looking at the rings together. _We're engaged._ She smiled sleepily at the thought, smiling even more as lips pressed against her bare shoulder in greeting.

"Good morning, love," Lexa said, voice still gravelly with sleep.

Clarke brought their hands to her lips and kissed the back of Lexa's hand. "Good morning."

"What time is it?" Lexa asked, hiding her face between Clarke's shoulders, nuzzling the skin of her back.

Squinting, Clarke looked over at the clock on their nightstand. "Just after six."

Lexa groaned. "Why are you awake?"

"Why are _you_ awake?"

Lexa breathed out a chuckle. "Someone started fidgeting."

"I was not fidgeting."

Lexa just hummed, kissing Clarke's shoulder again. She pulled Clarke tighter to her, tangling their legs together.

"Do you have to be anywhere today?" Lexa asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over them as they cuddled.

"Not until this afternoon," Clarke answered, voice just loud enough for Lexa to hear.

Lexa leaned up, supporting herself with her right arm as she looked over Clarke's shoulder. The sheet that was covering them fell to pool at their waists. Clarke looked up at her fiancé, smiling at the look of wonder that took over Lexa's features.

"I'm going to marry you," Lexa said in awe.

Clarke nodded, reaching up with her free hand to tuck some of Lexa's hair behind her ear. "Yeah. We're getting married, love."

Lexa's face split into a huge smile as the realization took over. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Clarke's.

Clarke rolled onto her back, pulling Lexa on top of her to deepen the kiss.

She had until the afternoon to do whatever she wanted. And if all she wanted that morning was Lexa? Well...

So be it.

* * *

 

"Hey, An," Lexa greeted over the Skype call. Could she have just gone and visited her sister? Yes. Was she feeling far too lazy today to do so? Also yes. And Anya didn't feel like going out on her day off either, thus the Skype call.

Anya looked bored. "Hey, nerd. What's so important that it couldn't wait until we saw each other next week?"

They had been planning on going to lunch and then shopping for a new couch for Anya's apartment. Apparently a 'friend' had broken it. Anya didn't clarify any more than that. Lexa didn't want her to.

Lexa chewed on her lip. Finally, she took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with. "So, I need help."

Anya groaned and rubbed at her forehead. "I knew this day would come. Where's the body?"

Lexa rolled her eyes. "There's no body to hide, Anya. I thought we decided that if either of us ever needed help with that, it would be you."

With a wave of her hand, Anya brushed her off. "I may have agreed it was more likely, but I've always known that you were the one that would probably go through with it eventually."

"And you'd so willingly help me hide a body."

Anya quirked her brow challengingly. "And you wouldn't help me just as willingly?"

Lexa smirked that smug little smirk she was known for. "You better hope I would."

Anya rolled her eyes. "Alright. Get to whatever you actually wanted."

Another deep breath. Might as well get it out there and get the teasing out of the way. "I may need help with a certain day that's going to be coming up in the near future."

"Lexa, I swear to god, if you ask me to help you get another gift for Clarke I will shoot myself in the foot to get out of it."

"In the foot?" Lexa asked, quirking her head to the side curiously.

"Less traumatic."

"Ah. Why didn't I think of that?" Lexa said sarcastically. She shook her head. "But no, it's not for a gift. I mean, you could help me with that part too, but I doubt you'd want to help me shop for something that intimate."

Anya held up her hand. "Stop right there. I don't want to know. What do you need me for?"

"Well..." Lexa looked down at her hand and then lifted it, showing Anya the ring on her finger.

"Is that...?"

Lexa bit her lip and nodded.

"Shit. I'm coming over."

Then the screen went blank and Skype alerted Lexa that Anya had hung up. "That's one way to get her out of her apartment..." Lexa mumbled to herself, closing her computer and standing up from the couch. She had so much she had to get done before they could really even start with wedding planning. Which is one of the reasons why it was good that they had decided to wait until the fall after Clarke had graduated. But still. Their list of 'to-do's was ever growing by the day.

Her phone dinged, notifying her of a new text.

**Clarke (1:52 PM): Hey there, my fiancé. I miss you and can't wait to see you tonight. I'm feeling celebratory ;)**

**Lexa smiled dopily at her screen.**

**Lexa (1:53 PM): Hi, my gorgeous fiancé. What are we celebrating?**

**Clarke (1:53 PM): Us.**

**Lexa (1:54 PM): I like the sound of that. Maybe I'll break out that new lingerie we bought last week.**

Her phone was silent for a while, and she assumed Clarke had been drawn back into her rotations. She started cleaning up around the apartment, busying herself while she waited for her sister to get there.

Then her phone dinged again.

**Clarke (2:13 PM): You can't just throw that at me, Lex. Not while I'm at work. Jeez. Warn a girl, would ya?**

Lexa bit her lip and leaned against the kitchen counter, contemplating her next move. To tease or not to tease...?

**Lexa (2:15 PM): Would you like a preview?**

**The reply was instant.**

**Clarke (2:15 PM): Is that even a question?**

**Lexa (2:16 PM): It wouldn't be too... distracting?**

**Clarke (2:16 PM): God, please distract me.**

Lexa pushed off of the counter and was just about to go back to her room to give Clarke what she wanted when there was a knock at the door. "Shit," she grumbled, having forgotten in that short time that her sister was coming over.

She texted a quick response while walking to the front door.

**Lexa (2:17 PM): Sorry, love. Anya just got here. To be continued?**

The distraught emoji that Clarke sent her was answer enough, but then her phone buzzed again.

**Clarke (2:17 PM): Working me up just to let me down. I see how it is.**

**Clarke (2:18 PM): Have fun with your sister.**

**Clarke (2:18 PM): Because tonight, you're mine ;)**

**Clarke (2:18 PM): Love you! <3**

Lexa nearly dropped her phone at that. Four more hours. Just four more hours and then Clarke would be home and they'd be able to finish what they started.

She took a deep breath to try to calm herself and opened the front door.

"Took you long enough," Anya said as she pushed past Lexa and into the apartment. She looked around, as if expecting something to be amiss. Finally, she nodded and plopped down on the couch. "I'm glad to see the celebratory sex didn't get too out of hand. I see no underwear lying about obscenely."

"I've been cleaning."

Anya's face scrunched up in disgust and she looked at the couch warily. "Should I be reconsidering where I'm sitting?"

Lexa just shrugged. "I don't think you want to know the answer to that."

Anya stood and made her way to the kitchen. "Are the stools safe, at least?"

"Again, do you really want to know all about my sex life?" Lexa asked as she followed her, brow quirked teasingly.

Anya paused as she walked up to the fridge, looking off thoughtfully before shaking her head quickly. "No. No I do not. Please never share that with me."

Lexa laughed. "That's what I thought."

Anya turned back from the fridge, having grabbed a beer out of it. She looked Lexa over thoughtfully. "You know, I didn't think blondie could make you any happier. But you are practically glowing right now. I'm impressed."

Lexa shrugged. "Getting engaged can do that to people."

With a hum, Anya turned away from Lexa to take a seat at the island on one of the stools. "So tell me how it went down. I thought you were planning some elaborate proposal for once she graduated."

Lexa took a beer out of the fridge and joined her sister at the island. "I did. Clarke is just a little impatient at times."

"She made you propose."

Lexa laughed. "No. Not in the least. She just beat me to it."

Anya's jaw dropped. "Wait. The princess proposed?"

"Princess Charming, herself."

Anya pointed at Lexa. "Don't explain that name to me. I don't want to know."

Lexa smiled cheekily at her. Let Anya think what she may about the name, even if it was completely innocent in nature. It was more fun that way.

"So did you not give her Mom's ring?" Anya asked, taking a sip of her beer.

"Of course I gave her Mom's ring. I wouldn't just let it go to waste. We sort of proposed to each other."

"Couldn't let her one-up you, huh?" Anya teased. She smirked at Lexa's sheepish grin. "How'd she do it?"

"Do what?"

Anya rolled her eyes. "Crash land on earth. Propose, you nerd. What else would I be referring to?"

"Sorry. A bit distracted this afternoon." Lexa eyed her phone that she had placed on the countertop. Less than four hours. She could totally last less than four more hours.

Anya raised her eyebrows at that. "Imagining your ladylove and all of the sin you two got down to?"

"I thought you didn't want to know about my sex life, An."

Anya shuddered dramatically and scrunched her face in disgust again. "God, please no. I don't want to imagine anything like that involving my baby sister."

"That's what I thought."

"So?" Anya prompted, getting back on topic. "How did she ask?"

"With a coffee cup," Lexa said simply, dopey smile back on her face.

"Of course she did."

Lexa shrugged and took a sip of her beer. "It was perfect, actually. She had even drawn on it, though I didn't notice that until I was cleaning up."

Anya shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I'm not surprised. So is she done with that weird tradition? Or is this going to be something that will continue on until you both die?"

"I wouldn't complain."

"How many cups do you have now?" Anya asked skeptically.

Lexa looked up at the ceiling in thought, trying to do the math. If they'd been dating for over five years and Clarke drew on a cup every time she got Lexa a coffee that would make... "Too many to possibly count."

"And you kept them all?"

"Of course."

Anya sighed. "Have you at least started stacking them?"

Lexa grinned sheepishly. "We actually had wall-to-wall shelving put into the art studio."

"Oh my god. You're such a sentimental idiot," Anya groaned. "That was such a nice room, too," she whined.

Lexa glared at her. "It's still a nice room. It's fantastic, actually. Clarke loves working in there."

"I'm sure she does."

"You're being rude."

"I'm trying not to cry at you destroying the apartment."

"Adding shelving doesn't destroy an apartment."

Anya leveled a blank look at her. "Who is going to want wall-to-wall shelving after you two move out?"

Lexa shrugged. "An avid reader. Or someone with an awesome girlfriend that loves to pamper her with small gifts."

"Fiancé," Anya reminded.

And the dopey grin was back. Lexa looked down at her hand again, still amazed that she was now engaged. "Yeah. Fiancé."

Anya rolled her eyes. "Now that we're back on topic," she said pointedly, waiting for Lexa to look back up at her and stop staring starstruck at her hand. "What did you need my help with?" she asked once she had Lexa's attention again.

"Oh. Right. Well, you know how weddings usually work."

"Of course." Anya rolled her eyes again. Lexa could tell she was quickly losing her patience. Or she was pretending to. Lexa was almost completely sure that Anya was actually quite excited for her.

"And usually, both members of the couple have someone that they ask to stand beside them to support them. That person is usually someone that they care about and that cares about them, and it's someone that they trust implicitly."

"Sure, Lex. I'll be your maid of honor."

Lexa's jaw dropped as Anya took a nonchalant sip of her beer.

"You were taking too long. I see why Griffin just went ahead and popped the question. She could have died of old age by the time you got around to it."

Lexa glared at her, snatching Anya's beer away. "Never mind. I take it back. I'll ask Raven or Octavia. Maybe even Lincoln."

"Oh no you don't," Anya rebuked, reaching across the island to try to get her bottle back. "First of all, I'm your sister and you love me."

"Debatable."

"Secondly, I'm your best friend besides maybe Clarke," Anya continued, ignoring Lexa's comment.

"So you think."

Anya glared at her. "Thirdly, I can kick your ass from here to New York and _I will_ if you don't give me back my beer right now."

Lexa held the beer out of arms' reach. "Is someone developing an alcohol dependency?" she teased, tapping her chin in thought. She picked up her own beer and took a sip of it, sighing in pleasure. "Refreshing."

"You're a brat, you know that?"

"I've been called worse."

Anya sighed and sat back on her stool. "Maybe I just need a little alcohol to stifle the emotions at hearing that my little sister is _finally_ engaged."

"Did you just admit that you're feeling emotional?" Lexa asked, feigning shock.

Anya's glare returned. "Lexa, I swear to god..."

Lexa slid Anya's bottle back across the island. "Here's your beer, you big softy."

Anya grumbled something incoherent under her breath as she took another swig from the bottle. "I hate you sometimes."

"You very clearly love me very much and are feeling emotional about me getting engaged. It's alright. Drink you feelings, An. We may want to revisit this at a later date, though. I'm sure there are healthier ways to go about handling your emotions." Lexa was having far too much fun with this. But it wasn't often that Anya admitted to feeling something other than annoyance or frustration.

"If you weren't my sister..." Anya threatened.

"You'd wish I was. Now, back to the matter at hand," Lexa said, leaning her elbows on the countertop. "I want you to be my maid of honor because _I'm getting married_. I'm getting married to _Clarke Griffin_ , and it has to be perfect."

"Those are pretty high expectations."

Lexa waved her off. "But they're doable. We can totally pull off a perfect wedding. It's what she deserves. Nothing less."

Anya eyed her skeptically. "What makes you so sure we can pull off a perfect wedding? We've never planned a wedding before. We've never even been part of a wedding party before."

"We've pulled off more difficult things before." Lexa smiled hopefully up at her older sister. "Please, Anya? I want to make this as amazing as Clarke deserves."

Anya studied her for a second, swirling her beer around in the bottle in thought. "What about how amazing you deserve it to be?" she asked, head tilted just slightly in question.

"If that's how you want to word it, then fine. How amazing _we_ deserve it to be," Lexa agreed easily. It was both of theirs after all. Both she _and_ Clarke were getting married, and really, why shouldn't they have the best wedding ever? "We don't need anything over the top, and we just need help with a bit of the planning. But I'd really appreciate it if you'd be by my side to help."

"Of course I'll help, you nerd," Anya said with another eye roll (Lexa was surprised she hadn't gotten her eyes stuck like that yet).

"So you'll be my maid of honor?" Lexa asked hopefully.

Anya waved her off, trying to sound nonchalant about the matter. "Sure. If that's what you want."

Lexa smiled widely, jumping off of her stool to scramble to Anya's side and pull her into an excited hug. "Thank you so much, Anya!"

"Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Anya asked, arms held up protectively.

Lexa just hugged her tighter, knowing that Anya was actually loving this.

Which she proved, moments later when her arms wrapped around Lexa and she hugged her just as tightly.

"I'm proud of you, Lex."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom. 
> 
> Was it all you ever hoped and dreamed of? Was Anya the ass we have all learned to love?? Can Clarke and Lexa get any thirstier???
> 
> Leave your comments/Kudos/requests and I will love you forever. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv, though I've been getting on there less and less recently.


	58. But Would You Risk Some Broken Bones, Just to Call This Place Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Super Lextra saga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may or may not be my favorite section of the story. Because who doesn't like Lexa being an overdramatize spaz?

This was not how the day was supposed to go. She was just going to surprise Clarke with some flowers when she got home from the hospital. Some flowers and a carry out order from their favorite restaurant.

_Oh how the plans had changed._

And now she was sitting _in_ the hospital. The ER waiting room, to be more exact. And Raven was sitting beside her, arms crossed and grinning smugly.

"Do _not_ tell Clarke what happened," Lexa demanded, glaring at Raven as menacingly as she could while cradling her arm to her chest. She cringed as she tried to readjust herself into a more intimidating position, instead finding herself curled over her arm protectively. "Shit that hurts."

Raven continued to smile just as smugly (and suspiciously. Lexa just knew she had to be up to something with that devious little grin of hers). "I wouldn't dare say a word, Lexa," she said innocently.

"Lex?"

Lexa's head whipped comically to her fiancé and then back at Raven to glare at her again. "I _told_ you not to call her," she growled out through her teeth.

Raven shrugged. "I didn't. I texted her telling her that we'd be in shortly. It's not my fault that she just _happened_ to be on her Emergency Room rotation this term."

Clarke quickly made her way over, crouching down in front of Lexa and reaching toward her tentatively, not actually touching her in fear of hurting her. "Oh my god, what happened?" she asked, looking Lexa over.

Lexa tore her glare away from Raven's smug little face, looking softly at Clarke instead. "Nothing. I'm alright. I just need to maybe see a doctor about my arm."

Clarke looked at Lexa, completely unimpressed with that response. Then she turned to Raven expectantly.

Raven's grin grew. " _Well_ , your fiancé--" (both Lexa and Clarke had to fight back their small smiles at the word) "decided she wanted to play the hero today." She patted Lexa's shoulder, earning a cringe from Lexa and a warning glare from Clarke which she just ignored. "Unfortunately for her, her clumsiness won out in the end."

Lexa looked sheepishly at her shoes. "It was totally heroic, okay?" she mumbled under her breath, glaring at Raven out of the corner of her eye, though it was a much weaker glare than what she previously shot at her. Because Raven wasn't _completely_ wrong in her assessment.

Raven laughed loudly, drawing the attention of some of the other patients sitting in the waiting room. Clarke shot them an apologetic glance before turning her attention back to Lexa. "What happened, baby?" She pushed some of Lexa's hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek tenderly.

Lexa leaned into the touch, stalling as much as she could. "It's a long story," she finally settled on, hoping that Clarke would let it drop for the time being.

No such luck.

Clarke stood and gently coaxed Lexa to her feet as well. "Good thing we're going to be in the exam room for a while, then. Thanks for bringing her in, Rae. I'll take it from here." She looked to Raven, smiling gratefully.

Raven shrugged. "No problem. I happened to be in the area when I got the call." She patted Lexa between her shoulders, being none too gentle about it. "Iz is going to love this. Maybe we'll bring her by tonight so she can 'make sure you're alright'."

"Don't you dare."

"You don't want to see your goddaughter?" Raven gasped, hand to her heart. "She'll be heartbroken."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Maybe not tonight, Rae. Let's see what exactly we're dealing with first, hm?" she asked, brows raised expectantly at her best friend.

Raven sighed dramatically, shoulders drooping. "I _guess_." And with another pat to Lexa's shoulder, Raven said a quick goodbye and darted out of the ER waiting room.

"Alright, Lex," Clarke said comfortingly, cupping Lexa's elbow on her good arm and leading her toward the exam rooms. "How about we take a look at that arm now?"

Lexa grumbled something that she thought may have sounded like ascent, and Clarke lead her back.

"So do you want to tell me what happened?" Clarke asked once Lexa was sitting on the exam table. Lexa swung her legs over the side, still cradling her arm protectively.

"I'd rather not, to be honest," she admitted guiltily. She stared down at the tiled floor, Clarke's scuffed shoes coming into her view moments later.

Clarke cupped her chin gently and titled her head up. She was looking at her expectantly, not even bothering to ask again.

Lexa sighed. "I went out to get you flowers and to pick up dinner for tonight," she finally started, giving up on getting out of this without explaining to Clarke what happened. Clarke hummed, letting go of Lexa's chin to go about gathering whatever she needed to look Lexa over. She sat on a stool and rolled back over, chart in hand, looking up at Lexa and waiting for her to continue. "And I got the flowers alright."

She pulled a bent and tattered flower out of her jacket pocket, wincing as she let go of her arm for a moment to get it. Smiling sweetly, she handed it over to Clarke.

"Thank you," Clarke said, smiling exasperatedly and taking the flower to place on the table behind her. "What happened to the rest of them?"

"Uhm, that's where the story gets interesting." Lexa tried to smile innocently, though she was sure it came out as more of a grimace than anything resembling a smile.

Clarke jotted down a note on her chart, grabbing a blood pressure cuff off of the table and getting Lexa ready for that. She helped Lexa out of her jacket. "I'm sure it does."

"There was a little boy." Clarke glanced up at her quickly before looking back down at the dial. She nodded for Lexa to continue. "And he was playing on the sidewalk by himself. Which is ridiculous because who leaves their kid out on the sidewalk by themselves in the middle of DC?" She frowned down at the floor, shaking her head in annoyance. Because really. How irresponsible can people be?

"Someone who didn't think it through, probably," Clarke conceded, jotting down Lexa's blood pressure and getting a thermometer.

"I'm not sick, Clarke," Lexa said, opening her mouth obediently when Clarke motioned for her to. "This is a ridiculous procedure," she mumbled around the stick in her mouth.

Clarke tapped her chin, getting her to close her mouth again. "Maybe, but it's what we have to do. What happened with the little boy?"

Lexa looked up at her flatly, the thermometer still sticking out of her mouth for a moment longer until it beeped and Clarke took it back. "You tell me to be quiet and then you ask a question. What is it with doctors always asking something when someone has something in their mouth?"

"You're thinking of dentists."

"Are you a dentist then?"

"Just answer the question, Lex." Clarke spun around on her stool, putting the thermometer away and her chart on the table before she scooted back over to Lexa. She gently took Lexa's arm in her hands, coaxing her into letting it go.

Lexa winced, watching Clarke's every movement as she examined her arm. "Well, he was out on the sidewalk, playing with a soccer ball. And, of course, he accidentally kicks it a bit further than he meant, and it rolls into the street."

"Oh god," Clarke groaned, clearly having a feeling of where this story was headed. She pressed against the swelling of Lexa's arm, Lexa jerking her arm away at the pain. "Sorry..." she mumbled distractedly as she continued her examination.

"It's okay," Lexa waved her off. "Anyway, so the ball goes in the street and the boy is about to go after it. Which is just stupid because DC streets are the actual worst streets to try to walk across in the best of times. So this kid is about to walk out into the street to get his ball, but I stop him and tell him it's not safe. He, of course, throws a fit about needing to get his ball, saying he won't just leave it out there to get run over. And I tell him that he could very well get run over if he tried to go get it. And then he pouts at me. He pouts at me, Clarke." She looked down at her fiancé beseechingly. "Do you know how good kids are at puppy-dog faces? Because his eyes got so big and watery. I couldn't just let him not get his ball back."

"Of course you couldn't," Clarke said around a small smile. She let Lexa take her arm back and jotted something down on the chart again. Then she sat on her stool and looked up at Lexa, giving her her full attention. "So you went and got the ball."

Lexa nodded. "I went and got the ball. Except, it was on a hill. And I kind of had to chase the ball into the street and then over toward the other side. But I got to it and bent down to pick it up, which is actually pretty hard to do when you have a bouquet of flowers in one hand."

"You didn't put the flowers down?"

"Of course not. I couldn't risk them getting messed up." Clarke shook her head lovingly. Lexa got lost in the look for just a second and had to shake herself out of staring at her fiancé (because, _god_ , was she something to look at). "So, I got the ball and I was standing up and just about to make my way back over to the kid when--"

"Please tell me it wasn't a car," Clarke begged.

Lexa cringed. "Uhm... it was a pick-up truck...?" she said hopefully, sounding more like a question.

Clarke's head dropped into her hand, her fingers rubbing at her forehead tiredly. "You got hit by a truck?" Saying that seemed to have struck something in her. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she jumped to her feet and moved quickly to Lexa again, her hands lightly running over her sides. "Oh my god. You got hit by a truck. Does anything else hurt? Why didn't you say anything sooner? You could be bleeding internally. Shit, Lex. Why didn't you call an ambulance? This is possibly the stupidest thing I think you've ever done. I can't believe--"

"Clarke," Lexa said, grabbing one of Clarke's hands with her uninjured one. She looked up at her calmly, Clarke's eyes wide with worry. "It clipped me. Seriously, he only hit my arm. I'm fine. Sit back down."

Clarke looked skeptical, but sat back down on the stool, inching it closer so she could rest her arms on Lexa's thighs and look up at her.

Lexa took a deep breath before finishing off her story. "So the guy clips my arm, the ball goes flying - luckily back to the right side of the street - and I fall to the ground. Unfortunately, the flowers took the brunt of the fall." She pouted, looking at the lone flower she had been able to bring with her. "I may have landed on them."

"How are you more worried about some flowers than about being hit by a truck?"

"I was clipped, Clarke."

"You were still hit by a truck" Clarke scolded. "And getting 'clipped' may have broken your arm. We're going to need to get x-rays taken to see the extent of it." Her voice had turned clinical as she grabbed her chart again to look over, frowning deeply at it. "I'll walk you down to radiology and they'll hopefully be able to get you in quickly."

Lexa leaned over to cup Clarke's cheek, applying a little pressure to get Clarke to look up at her. "Hey. I'm okay," she sad quietly.

Clarke bit her lip, thinking silently for a moment, before surging up and pressing a quick kiss to Lexa's lips. "How about next time you just leave the ball and tell the kid no?" she asked after she pulled back again.

Lexa chuckled and nodded, standing when Clarke stepped away from her. "I'll at least watch where I'm going better next time."

Clarke rolled her eyes, smiling exasperatedly. "Always having to be the hero."

"That's what Raven said, anyway."

"Speaking of," Clarke said, opening the door and letting Lexa out before her, "why Raven?"

Lexa shrugged. "Believe it or not, she was actually my most recent contact. I got the boy to pull up the call for me while I was otherwise indisposed." She gestured to her arm, still cradled gently by her uninjured hand.

"Ah. Call Izzy earlier today?"

Lexa laughed softly. "She actually called me. She wanted to know if she could be the flower girl at our wedding now that we were 'embaged'."

Clarke laughed heartily at that. "Of course she did. Who else would we ask, though? She knows she's the only one for us."

Lexa was just about to respond when a young woman walked out of another one of the exam rooms, shutting it quietly behind her. She startled when she looked up and saw Clarke and Lexa standing almost directly in front of her. "Oh. Hello, Clarke."

"Hi, Callie. All finished with Mr. Beckett?"

The woman, Callie, rolled her eyes with a huff. "Oh yeah. All finished with him. He swore he had a huge rash just this morning."

"On top of the pneumonia last week and broken hip the week before?" Clarke asked with an over exaggerated gasp. "That _poor man_."

Callie laughed. "He's definitely been through some rough times as of late, apparently." She shrugged innocently. "When I told him we'd have to do some seriously invasive surgery to make sure that whatever caused his rash was taken care of, he suddenly felt a lot better and was ready to go."

"A miracle," Clarke said flatly.

"Truly," Callie agreed in the same tone. She looked to Clarke's side, seeing Lexa holding her arm and watching them curiously. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were with a patient. Broken arm?" she asked, cringing sympathetically.

Clarke looked to Lexa, smiling brightly. She put her arm around Lexa's waist and ushered her forward. "Actually Callie, this is Lexa."

Callie's polite, professional smile instantly widened into a truly happy one. " _The_ Lexa?" she asked excitedly.

Clarke laughed. "How many Lexa's have you honestly met in your life?"

"Fair," Callie said around a laugh. She reached forward as if to shake Lexa's hand and then seemed to think better of it. "I'd offer a handshake, but..." she trailed off, gesturing to Lexa's arm.

Lexa smiled, nodding politely. "Appreciated," she said simply.

"So," Callie said, crossing her arms and smiling brightly at them. "How's the happy couple doing? Settling into engaged life well? I was honestly surprised when Clarke showed up at work and said she got engaged the night before. I thought she'd be out of the office for a while after that." She winked exaggeratedly at Lexa.

Lexa felt her face warming and coughed awkwardly, looking away and trying to hide her blush. "She... uh... we--"

"Trust me, I tried," Clarke said, letting Lexa off the hook. She smirked up at Lexa before turning back to Callie. "While I'd love to chat, I really do have to get this one to radiology." She smiled apologetically at Callie, her hand on Lexa's lower back applying some pressure to start moving them back down the hall.

Callie smiled and waved them off. "Yeah, definitely. Gotta get that taken care of. It was lovely meeting you, Lexa. Good luck with everything." And with that, she turned down the hall and back toward the nurses station, quickly engaging in another conversation with one of the women there. If the eye roll was anything to go by, she was retelling her experience with Mr. Beckett.

"Alright. Let's get you to radiology, love," Clarke said, leading them back down the hall.

* * *

 

"Stop that."

Lexa whined, sitting back in the passenger's seat heavily. "But it _itches_ , Clarke."

Clarke chuckled, turning into their apartment's parking lot. "I know it does. And it's going to probably keep itching. But you have to stop trying to stick stuff down there. That's a good way to get it infected."

"You know, sometimes I wish you weren't so doctor-y," Lexa grumbled, rolling her head on the headrest to look at Clarke.

"I know, love," Clarke said placatingly, patting Lexa's knee. Lexa looked down at the hand Clarke left on her knee, wishing she could lower her own left hand to place on it. She glared at the cast covering most of her left arm, sling holding it against her stomach. "But then someone else would have had to set and cast your arm, and you may have actually hit them."

"I wouldn't hit them, Clarke," Lexa said, rolling her eyes.

"Really? Because I was pretty sure I was about to get a bruised shin at the least." She arched a brow at Lexa, pulling into a spot and parking her car next to Lexa's in the lot. Raven had been kind enough to go with Octavia to get Lexa's car in the city and bring it back to the apartment.

"But you didn't, did you?" Lexa challenged.

"I think I may have only scraped by because I'm your fiancé."

"I wouldn't hit an innocent doctor."

"Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, love. In the mean time, the nurses are now terrified of you ever having to come back in without me there. One of them asked me if your glare had ever actually melted someone."

"They did not," Lexa said, jaw dropped.

Clarke laughed and got out of the car, coming around to help Lexa out as well. "Sure did. I tried to convince them all that you're just a cuddly nerd, but they wouldn't have it. You have them fooled for the time being."

Lexa tilted her chin up proudly. "Not fooled. They see the real me."

"Right," Clarke said skeptically as they walked up to the building. "I'll have to remember that it's not really you cuddled up to me on the couch tonight. Hmm," she hummed, tapping her chin in thought. "In fact, if I don't have the real you to cuddle up to, maybe I'll just go take a bath by myself. Wash off the hospital and then call it an early night."

Lexa's facade dropped. "Wait, no. We were going to watch a movie tonight," she pouted, looking up at Clarke through her lashes.

"I only watch movies with real people," Clarke said, trying to hide her smirk.

" _Clarke_ ," Lexa whined, walking through the door to the building when Clarke held it open for her. "I'm real with you. Really real. So real, actually. No one else sees the real me."

Clarke hummed. "That's what I thought," she said smugly.

"So..." Lexa started hopefully as they walked up to their apartment door. Clarke fumbled with the keys, struggling to get them into the lock. "Movie tonight?"

Clarke smiled and rolled her eyes, finally pushing the door open. "Yeah, love. Movie to--"

"Feel better soon!"

Lexa jumped in front of Clarke instinctively, pushing her behind her body to protect her from whoever was in their apartment. Clarke, on the other hand, recovered from the shock quickly and pushed past Lexa, rolling her eyes at the defensive glower her fiancé was sending the three people gathered in their living room.

Izzy ran up to Lexa, wrapping her arms around Lexa's legs, and Lexa's scowl dropped instantly.

"What's this, bear?" she asked, kneeling down to be eye level with the little girl.

"Surprise party!" Izzy exclaimed happily. She looked at Lexa's cast distraughtly.

Lexa waved off the look. "You threw a party for me?" she asked, sounding far more excited than she felt.

Clarke swatted at the banner that was hung from the ceiling. "A feel better soon party?" she asked with a laugh.

Octavia shrugged. "She wanted to shout something when you got home. Her friend just had a surprise birthday party last weekend, and she's been obsessed with surprises ever since."

Izzy nodded, looking at Octavia seriously. "Surprises are fun." She whipped back around to look at Lexa again. "They're fun, right Auntie Lex?"

Lexa nodded quickly. "Totally fun. The best, actually. But maybe next time not a feel better soon surprise party."

Izzy pouted up at her. "Do you not like it?"

Shaking her head adamantly, Lexa pulled the little girl to her right side. "I love it, kiddo. It's great. It's just what I needed to feel better." Izzy looked up at her hopefully. "Honestly," she tagged on at the unconvinced look.

Izzy brightened up, wiggling out of Lexa's grip and over to her mommas. "She likes the party, Momma. Mommy," she said, turning on Octavia, "we should give her the food. She's hungry."

Lexa stood up and walked over to the group, standing by Clarke. She looked at Clarke desperately, hoping that she would maybe put an end to the party early so they could rest. She had gone through something traumatic, after all. And while she would love the company of their goddaughter, she really didn't have the energy to put up with a party at the moment.

"Actually little one," Clarke said, running her fingers through Izzy's hair gently, "Auntie Lex is feeling really tired. She should probably just lay down for a while."

"Nap time was earlier though," Izzy said questioningly.

Clarke smiled, picking up the girl to prop on her hip. "Yeah, it was. But Auntie Lex missed it because she was being a hero. Did you hear about that?"

Raven scoffed, grabbing her and Octavia's jackets off of the couch. "Saving the world, one soccer ball at a time."

Izzy, however, was staring amazed at Lexa. "You're a hero, Auntie Lex?" Her eyes widened in awe.

Lexa flushed, but smiled at the little girl. "I don't know if I would go that far, but I helped a little boy today."

"She got hurt keeping the boy out of traffic," Clarke explained to a starstruck Izzy. The little girl looked between Clarke and Lexa, jaw slack.

"That's _amazing_ ," she breathed out.

Clarke nodded. "It was pretty amazing. And now, our hero needs to get some rest."

Izzy nodded agreeably, reaching out toward Lexa. Clarke moved closer so she could wrap her arms around Lexa's neck in a hug. "Thanks for being a hero, Auntie Lex," she said softly as she hugged her. "Super Auntie Lex!" she said excitedly, pulling away abruptly.

Lexa laughed. "I think it could use some work. How about you think on that a bit and get back to me."

Izzy nodded again, hugging Clarke quickly before she was put back down on the floor.

"Alright, Iz. Time to go," Raven said, holding out Izzy's jacket for her to pull on, which the little girl did.

"Thanks for your help today, Rae," Clarke said as she led them out of the apartment.

Raven waved her off. "Anything to see _Super Lextra_ make a super fool of herself."

"Hey!" Lexa shouted from where she was standing further in the apartment. Raven waved over her shoulder, taking Izzy's hand and leading her away. Octavia gave Clarke a quick hug and followed, promising to check in on them the next day.

Clarke closed the door behind them, going back into the living room to find Lexa pouting on the couch, good arm cradling her broken arm.

"What's that pout for?" she asked teasingly, sitting down gingerly on the couch next to Lexa.

"I did not make a super fool of myself," she explained, glaring at the blank TV screen.

Clarke cooed and wrapped her arm around Lexa's shoulders, running her fingers through her long hair. "I know, baby. You're a hero."

"Exactly."

"And you know what heroes get when they do something heroic?"

"Usually blamed for something that happened because of them saving someone's life." Lexa tried to hide her smirk, but Clarke could still see the corner of her lip twitching up.

"Well, there's that," Clarke said with a laugh. "But they also get pampered. So, how about I go make you some tea, then we can get a movie started."

"I can make my own tea, Clarke." Lexa smiled at her and made to get up off the couch, wincing slightly when she tried to move her arm.

Clarke pressed her hand to Lexa's shoulder, keeping her down on the couch. "I know you can. But let me get it tonight. Let me take care of you for once."

"You always take care of me," Lexa said, frowning up at her as Clarke stood to go to the kitchen.

Clarke bent forward, pressing a kiss to Lexa's forehead. "I've got this, babe. Just relax. I'll be back in a minute."

"Clarke," Lexa called as Clarke started walking away. Clarke turned back, looking at her with her head tilted in question. "You're my hero, you know?"

Clarke smiled softly at her, melting at the loving look Lexa was giving her. "You're my hero too, Lex."

* * *

 

 

"Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit," Lexa chanted, holding the rag to her nose gently. She tilted her head forward, leaning between her knees as she sat on the ground.

The woman knelt down beside her. "I am so sorry, ma'am. Are you okay? Can I get you anything? Should I call someone?" Her hands fluttered around Lexa, wanting to help but not knowing what to do.

Lexa glanced at her before looking back down at the ground. "M'fine," she said thickly. This was just _perfect_. Raven wouldn't let her hear the end of this, she was sure. She groaned at the thought.

"Oh my god, what's wrong? Is it hurting worse? Do I need to take you to the hospital?"

"I said I'm fine," Lexa bit out, harsher than she probably should have. She sighed as best she could with blood flowing out of her nose and looked to the woman beside her who looked devastated. "Maybe get me some ice? That would help."

The woman nodded and stood, darting into the store that Lexa was currently leaning against.

She was just going grocery shopping. Really, nothing was supposed to happen like this. It was supposed to be a non-event. Clarke was busy at the hospital and with her last few courses, and she hadn't had time to go with Lexa. So Lexa thought she'd just do it herself because she _did_ have the time to go. And she wanted a break from working through editing her first draft of her sequel anyway. The weather was nice and she thought she'd just go for a walk, get some much needed groceries, and then head home. Not too hard, right?

_Wrong_.

She groaned and leaned her head back, quickly realizing that was a stupid idea when she felt blood start to drip down the back of her throat. She leaned forward again and spat on the concrete in front of her, some blood coming up. "Gross," she grumbled.

"You're coughing up blood. Shit. Did I really hit you that hard?" the woman asked, coming back out with a small bag of ice and kneeling beside Lexa again.

Lexa fought off the urge to roll her eyes. "No, you didn't hit me that hard. You didn't even really hit me. It was more of a 'landed on top of' situation, wasn't it?" Lexa asked with a hint of snark. Should she be sarcastic with a perfect stranger? Probably not. Did she have every reason to be sort of annoyed when said stranger had literally fallen on her as she was walking by? She thought so.

The woman's face flushed a dark red. "I lost my footing while I was putting up the new sign. I'm _so_ sorry." She smiled what looked to be more of a cringe. "I can't say I'm not thankful you were there to break my fall, though. I think you saved me from some serious pain."

Lexa tried to wave her off, her casted arm just barely lifting from where it was held in her sling.

" _Oh my god!_ I fell on someone who was already hurt. Is your arm okay? We should really get you to a doctor. I may have hurt it even more. And your nose is _still_ bleeding." She reached up with the bag of ice, trying to touch it to Lexa's nose.

Lexa dropped the bloody rag she was holding to her nose onto the sidewalk. "I got it. Thanks. Could you just... Fuck this would be a lot easier with two hands."

The woman motioned to the bag of ice Lexa was trying to hold to her nose, offering to take care of that for a second. Lexa sighed and nodded, letting her take the bag and press it gently against her rapidly swelling nose. She used her now free hand to get her phone out of her pocket and pull up Clarke's number.

"Are you sure we shouldn't be getting you to the hospital?" the woman asked again, wincing as some blood dripped from Lexa's nose onto the concrete.

"My fiancé's a doctor," Lexa explained brushing the woman off. She pulled the phone up to her ear, hoping that Clarke was finished with her shift. She didn't have to wait long for Clarke to answer.

" _Hey, baby_ ," Clarke greeted, sounding incredibly tired.

"Hi, love," Lexa said, not able to control the smile that took over. She winced with it, cursing herself for moving her face any more than needed. The woman beside her started fusing over her again. "Would you _calm down_?" Lexa chided her.

" _Uhm, I am calm_ ," Clarke said from the other end of the line, clearly confused.

"Not you. Sorry, I was talking to someone else."

Clarke hummed into the phone. " _So, to what do I owe this pleasure? I'm assuming you didn't just want to hear my voice._ "

"I always want to hear your voice."

" _Lex_ ," Clarke said around a short laugh. " _What's up?_ "

Lexa cringed when the woman applied more pressure to her nose, making a pained noise.

" _That definitely didn't sound promising_ ," Clarke grumbled. Lexa could hear the worry in her tone.

"How long until you get off?" Lexa asked instead of explaining what was happening.

" _I just finished with my last patient. I was going to change and then head home. Why? What's going on, Lexa?_ "

"You may not want to change."

She heard Clarke grumbling and her locker opening and closing on the other end of the line. " _I'm going to assume this isn't because of some new kinky game you want to try out._ "

Lexa blushed, hoping the woman beside her didn't hear that. "No, definitely not because of that. Though that's something to maybe keep in mind for a later day."

Clarke laughed. " _Sure. We can do that. So what happened?_ "

"Short version?" Lexa started with a sigh. "I may have gotten hurt."

" _Please tell me you didn't break something else._ "

Lexa huffed. "Not something that can be casted, at least."

Silence.

Then finally, " _Shit, Lex. Am I even going to have a fiancé to walk down the aisle with me?_ "

"Technically you'll be meeting me at the alter."

" _Not the point, Lexa_ ," Clarke ground out. Lexa could hear her moving around, presumably getting everything together to head out. " _Where are you?_ "

"Over by the grocery store. I was going to get some food."

" _With a broken arm?_ " She could imagine the exasperated look Clarke was giving her clearly.

Lexa shrugged, the woman beside her laughing at her. She shot her a little smirk, her anger at the situation dissipating as she spoke to Clarke. "I thought I could help out a bit. How soon do you think you can be here?"

" _With traffic? Fifteen minutes? Will you be okay until then? Is anyone there to help you_?"

"Yeah. The woman who fell on me..." she trailed off, looking at the woman expectantly.

"Alyssa," she supplied.

"Alyssa is here," Lexa concluded.

" _The woman who-- You know what? Never mind. I'll be there soon. Try not to hurt yourself even more._ "

"No promises," Lexa said with a chuckle. Well, as much of a chuckle as she could give with her nose throbbing. God, she doesn't remember her eyes ever watering this much because of an injury. She probably looked a horrible sight.

Clarke huffed, but Lexa could hear the laughter in her voice when she spoke again. " _Alright, love. I'll be there soon._ "

"Okay. I love you."

" _I love you too, Lex. Bye._ " And with that, the line went dead.

Lexa put her phone back in her pocket, taking the bag of ice from Alyssa. She looked to the woman, taking her in for the first time since she fell on her. She was young, younger than Lexa anyway, and had brown hair and kind eyes. She was chewing on her lip nervously as Lexa looked her over.

"Alyssa?" Lexa asked, just to make sure she had her name right. The woman nodded. "Why were you climbing the side of the building?" Lexa asked with a sigh.

Alyssa rubbed at the back of her neck sheepishly. "Well, this is my family's store. And we're having a promotion this week that I needed to put signs up for. And my brother took the ladder with him for some random job he was doing around town. So..."

"So you thought climbing up the window ledge was a good idea," Lexa finished, brow raised challengingly.

The woman smiled innocently. "It looked safe...?" she tried.

Lexa rolled her eyes, tilting her head back down between her legs. The bleeding had slowed a lot, but she still didn't want to lean back. "Note to your future self: The window ledge is not a safe climbing tool."

Alyssa laughed, loosening up now that Lexa was joking with her. "Is there anything else I can get you? Something to drink, maybe?"

"A water would be great, actually. Are there any actual seats around her?" She looked around, hoping to spot a bench or something near them.

Alyssa nodded and helped Lexa to her feet, grabbing the bloody rag from the ground and tossing it into a trashcan on the sidewalk. "We have a bench outside the front. You can sit there while you wait for your fiancé. I'll go get you a water."

Lexa nodded gratefully when Alyssa deposited her on the bench. She leant over, her elbow pressing into her knee as she held the ice to her nose. "This is just _perfect_ ," she grumbled to herself.

"Here you go," Alyssa said, depositing the bottle by Lexa's feet on the ground. "Ice cold water for you." She sat down next to Lexa, shifting with pent up energy beside her.

Finally, Lexa got tired of her antsy movements. "Did you want something?" she asked, sounding just as tired as she felt. She didn't mean to sound annoyed but really... could anyone blame her? Injured twice within a few weeks. She'd have to get a bubble for herself soon if this kept happening.

"You said your fiancé's on the way?" Alyssa asked nervously.

Lexa nodded. "She should be here soon. You don't have to sit out here with me if you don't want to."

Alyssa shook her head, biting her lip as if trying to hold herself back from asking something she shouldn't.

Lexa waited another moment for her to say something before letting out a frustrated sigh. "What is it?"

"You're marrying a woman?" she finally burst out, leaning toward Lexa curiously.

Sitting up quickly, Lexa felt her defenses going up. She looked at the woman suspiciously. "Yes..." she answered hesitantly.

"What's that like?"

"I don't... I don't quite know what you're asking."

Alyssa rolled her eyes. "What's it like being engaged to her? How long have you two been together? How did you meet? Are you living with her now? Have you had any problems with other people judging your relationship?"

Lexa jolted back, surprised by the onslaught of questions. "Uhm, why do you want to know?"

The woman sat back, shoulders slumping a little, and let out a small defeated sigh. "My family isn't exactly the most... welcoming when it comes to things they don't consider 'normal'." She used her fingers to air quote 'normal'.

Lexa's expression softened. So _that's_ what this was about. She relaxed in her seat, leaning back against the back of the bench. "Being engaged to Clarke is amazing. We've been together for over five years now and we've been living together for around three and a half. We met when she was a student at the school library I worked at. She bought me a coffee and I found her some books and the rest just kind of happened. We've only had a couple of problems with strangers, but they're strangers and they don't matter in the long run." She shrugged, waiting for Alyssa to ask more questions that she just knew she was wanting to ask.

"But your families are okay with it?"

Lexa nodded. "They're totally supportive. They're very excited about the wedding, actually. Clarke's mom is going into mom-of-the-bride mode and it's kind of scary, to be honest. But it's all out of love."

Alyssa slumped back on the bench, leaning her elbow on the back and propping her head up with her hand. "And what's Clarke like? She's your fiancé, right?"

She knew she was grinning dopily at the mention of Clarke, but she couldn't really find it in herself to care. "Clarke is..." she paused for a moment to think of the right words. "Clarke is indescribable. She's amazing and so loving and so smart. She's training to be a doctor, did I tell you that?" Alyssa nodded, looking at Lexa with a soft smile. "She's amazing with our goddaughter, Izzy. And every time I see her with Iz, I can just imagine creating a family with her. She's going to be a great mom. She's so loving and so caring, and I've never met anyone that's as good with kids as she is." Lexa stared off dazedly and missed Alyssa looking over her shoulder with a knowing smile. "She's everything and more than I could have ever hoped for. She supports me in all of my decisions. But she's also really, ridiculously stubborn. She's so artistic and so, so incredibly beautiful, inside and out. And she just... she lights up any room she's in."

"She sounds like quite a catch," Alyssa offered.

Lexa nodded seriously. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'd be lost without her."

"I don't know if I'd say you'd be lost. But you'd definitely have to find another doctor to take care of you."

Lexa perked up, looking behind her at the welcome sound of her fiancé. "Clarke!" she called excitedly, wincing as the smile that took over made her nose scrunch. " _Shit_ ," she grumbled, pressing the ice she had lowered earlier back to her nose.

Clarke rolled her eyes and walked over, kneeling down in front of Lexa. "What am I going to do with you, Lex?" she asked with a small smile, reaching up to lower the bag of ice again.

"Love me and take care of me?" Lexa offered with an innocent little grin, mindful of tweaking her nose again.

Another eye roll from Clarke, and her fiancé looked to Lexa's side. "You must be Alyssa."

Alyssa nodded, looking between Clarke and Lexa with a subdued excitement. She bit her lip, looking as if she wanted to say something.

"I was just telling Alyssa about our engagement," Lexa offered, drawing Clarke's attention back to her. Clarke reached up and touched at her nose, pressing lightly on the new curve in it.

"You're going around telling strangers now, huh?" Clarke asked with a chuckle.

"Why shouldn't I? I'm marrying the prettiest girl in the world."

Clarke hummed, reaching into her bag to grab a bottle of pain meds. "Take these. I'm going to have to push it back into place."

Lexa's face dropped. "It's definitely broken then?"

With a nod, Clarke patted Lexa's knees, getting up to sit on the other side of her while they waited for the pain meds to kick in. "Definitely broken. It looks minor though, so I should be able to just realign it. We may want to get an x-ray done of it before--"

"No. Absolutely not. No more x-rays," Lexa cut her off, shaking her head adamantly. "I trust your judgement."

Clarke chuckled, resting her arm on the back of the bench and carding her fingers through Lexa's hair.

Alyssa looked between them with a small smile, watching the interaction.

"So," Clarke started, looking back at Alyssa finally, "I'm assuming you were somehow involved in the incident?"

Alyssa cringed. "I may have actually caused the incident," she admitted.

Lexa sighed. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Or the right place at the right time," Alyssa interjected. "If it weren't for you, I may have very well come out of this with a few broken bones of my own." Clarke looked between them, brow quirked expectantly, and Alyssa cringed. "I was climbing on the window ledge to put up a sign and may have lost my balance. Lexa here," she patted Lexa's shoulder, quickly retrieving her hand at the look Lexa shot her, "caught me before I could hit the ground."

"And my nose caught your hard head," Lexa added with a grumble. "Who climbs on window ledges anyway?"

"I told you my brother had the ladder!" Alyssa argued.

Clarke hummed with a fond smile aimed at Lexa. "You're really taking this hero gig to the next level, aren't you?"

"Clarke, I'm not _trying_ to help these people. I mean, seriously, she quite literally landed on me while I was walking by." Lexa huffed indignantly, crossing her arms as best she could with one in a cast.

Clarke leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Super Lex at it again."

"Don't tell Raven. I'll never hear the end of it."

"You don't think she'll notice the bruising at the party in a couple days? Or were you planning on skipping your goddaughter's birthday party?"

Lexa grumbled incoherently and sunk into the bench.

Clarke turned to look at Alyssa again. "Thank you for looking after her until I got here. I really do appreciate it."

Alyssa waved her off. "It was the least that I could do after falling on her. And she helped me out with something else, too. So really, I'd say I won out today."

Clarke looked at Lexa questioningly, to which Lexa just shrugged. "I was just telling her about our relationship."

"And that was... helpful?" Clarke asked, clearly confused.

Alyssa nodded enthusiastically before her eyes darted to the entrance to the store and her expression fell into apprehension. "Uhm, maybe I should get going. I think my father needs me."

Lexa looked past Clarke to see an older man standing at the entrance to the store, looking none too happy at his daughter sitting with Clarke and Lexa. Her brow scrunched in thought, quickly smoothing out again at the pain in her nose. She turned back to Alyssa, smiling at her encouragingly. "We walk by here at least once a week. We can stop in and say hi if you'd like."

Alyssa looked from her father and back to Clarke and Lexa, her expression brightening again instantly. "Really? That would be awesome. It's been so great to talk to you."

Lexa nodded with a little laugh. "Yeah, it wouldn't be a problem. I think I'd like to learn a little more about this home situation you're going through right now."

Alyssa bit her lower lip, sadness darkening her features quickly. "Yeah... Yeah, it'd be good to talk about it with someone."

Another nod and Lexa gestured back to Alyssa's father. "Alright. We'll see you later. I doubt you want to be out here to see Clarke set my nose, anyway."

"It's going to be gross," Clarke agreed, smiling curiously. She still looked a bit confused with the encounter, but was being her usual caring and nice self.

Alyssa barked out a laugh and stood from the bench. "Yeah, I definitely don't need to see that. But I'll see you both later. Have a good day!"

Lexa waved at her, frowning when she saw Alyssa's father start to berate her as she walked back into the building, Alyssa's shoulders drooping quickly.

Clarke looked over her shoulder at the interaction, humming in thought. "Want to tell me what that was about?" she asked gently. She turned back to Lexa, motioning for her to turn to face her.

Lexa moved so she was facing Clarke, smiling a little as she recalled her unexpected meeting. "I think we just met a baby-gay."

Clarke laughed. "Oh really?"

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, looking over Clarke's shoulder again in thought. "I don't think her family is very supportive of the idea, though."

Clarke hummed, bracing her thumbs on either side of Lexa's nose and cupping her cheeks with her palms. She waited for Lexa to meet her eyes again before warning, "This is going to hurt a bit." The crack rung out before Lexa had time to prepare herself.

"Ow! Shit. Fuck, Clarke! A little warning would have been nice," she growled out, pulling away from Clarke quickly and guarding her nose with her hand.

Clarke just shrugged. "If you tensed up, it would have just made it worse. Does it feel better?" she asked, grabbing Lexa's chin and turning her back to face her. She wiped at the tears that had fallen rebelliously from Lexa's eyes.

Lexa let her hand fall from her nose, going cross-eyed as she tried to look down at it. "A bit. Does it look alright?"

Clarke took a tissue from her bag and wiped at the blood covering Lexa's mouth and chin. She touched Lexa's nose gently, prodding at where the break was. "It's straight again. Swollen, but I think it'll be alright. We may want to go get a splint for it."

"Do we have to?"

Clarke scrunched her own nose, looking over Lexa's again. "It wasn't a bad break, really. I don't think there was any damage done to your nasal canal or anything. And I don't think it will be bothered again unless you apply a lot of pressure to it."

"So I don't have to?" Lexa asked hopefully.

Clarke sighed, dropping her hand to take Lexa's in her own. "The doctor in me is saying we should go get an x-ray done and make sure everything's alright. The fiancé in me is kind of saying the same thing."

"But...?"

"But," Clarke said with another sigh, "I'm tired and want to go home and go to bed. So why don't we see if the swelling goes down in the next couple of days and go from there?"

Lexa smiled brightly, noting that it didn't hurt quite as much to do so anymore. "That sounds like a great plan."

"I'm sure I'll regret it later."

Lexa waved her off, standing and pulling Clarke up as well. "It'll be fine. Do you want to go grocery shopping with me now that you're here?"

Clarke chuckled, letting Lexa lead her down the sidewalk toward the grocery store a little ways away. "I probably should just to make sure you don't hurt yourself anymore."

"I saved someone from falling, Clarke."

"She still fell."

"On _my face_. I have sacrificed for these people, Clarke."

Clarke laughed heartily at that, squeezing Lexa's hand. "You sure have, love. Such a hero."

Lexa tilted her chin up proudly. "I sacrifice for my people, Clarke."

"Oh, so Alyssa's your people now?"

Biting her lip, Lexa looked over her should for a moment, lost in thought. "I'm actually kind of worried about her."

Another gentle squeeze to her hand. "We can check up on her whenever we walk by. Has she come out to them?"

Lexa shook her head. "I don't think so. She seemed to be struggling with it. And from the brief encounter with her father, I can understand why."

Clarke hummed, pulling on Lexa's arm to get her to lean over a little so she could kiss her cheek. "But now she has you looking out for her. You, Lexa Woods, are a certified hero."

Lexa flushed, looking down at the ground embarrassedly. "Maybe just a little."

Clarke chuckled softly, letting go of Lexa's hand to wrap her arm around Lexa's waist instead. "Super Lex, indeed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND one more chapter after this of Lexa being the hero and Clarke having to take care of her. Just what we all wanted and needed, right?? 
> 
> Have any of you done heroic things? Other than being awesome and reading this fic, because you're all my heroes in that regard. 
> 
> Comment/request/Kudos below and you'll be even bigger heroes. Or find me on tumblr and say hi @musiclurv


	59. Cause I'm No Superman, I Hope You Like Me as I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final installment of the super Lextra saga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's make a couple more friends, shall we?

It was Izzy's birthday.

It was Izzy's birthday, and Lexa was running late.

It was Izzy's birthday, and she was going to get a dead Lexa as her gift if Lexa didn't _hurry up_.

Lexa ran through the parking lot, gift under her casted arm, her free hand fumbling with her car keys.

"Don't worry, Clarke. I'll go pick it up. No worries, I can totally drive and juggle the gift and pick up the ice cream for the cake. I got this, babe. You go on to the party and let me take care of this," Lexa mocked herself as she stormed up to her car. She finally got the door unlocked and pulled it open. " _Why_ am I so stubborn?"

She tossed the wrapped gift into the passenger's seat, sliding into the driver's seat as smoothly as she could.

Which wasn't very smoothly, given the still healing nose and her arm in a cast, but she tried nonetheless. Should she have been driving with a broken arm? Probably not. Was she doing it anyway? Absolutely.

Because Lexa Woods could damn well drive her car to her goddaughter's birthday party.

And Clarke had to go over earlier in the morning to "make the best castle ever," according to Izzy.

Which left Lexa to struggle through a shower and dressing without any assistance. Totally doable. So she thought.

Clearly she hadn't realized that Clarke had helped her every morning since she got her cast put on. And with her nose being extra sensitive to any pressure, pulling a shirt over her head was actually the _last_ thing she wanted to do. And buttoning a shirt, she’d learned, is rather difficult with one hand.

But she had managed. It may have taken her over twice as long to get ready, but she had done it by herself without any assistance from anyone else.

She was proud.

Though that did leave her in her current situation, which was rushing to get to her goddaughter's birthday party on time. And given that the party started in ten minutes, it seemed less and less likely that that was going to happen.

Lexa sighed, pulling her phone out and calling Clarke before even starting the car.

" _Please tell me you're almost here. Wait. No. Please don't tell me that. Please tell me you're not driving while you're calling me because you only have one good hand, and I can't imagine that will turn out well._ "

Lexa chuckled at Clarke's 'greeting.' "No, I can't say I'm almost there. I'm sitting in the parking lot at the store. I just got Izzy's present."

Silence. (Well, as silent as it could be with loud music and children laughing coming from Clarke's end of the call.)

Followed by a deep sigh. And then, " _You still have to get to the grocery store to get the ice cream? Love, what happened to getting an early start this morning?_ "

Lexa cringed. "About that, did you know that showering with a cast is incredibly difficult when you aren't supposed to get it wet? Especially when you can't actually wrap it in anything before with just one hand."

" _Oh, baby. I'm so sorry_." Clarke sighed. The background noise slowly dissipated as Clarke presumably went into another room.

"It's alright. But then I had to dry off - another tricky feat, I learned. And then get dressed, and you don't even want to know how that went."

" _You are clothed, right?_ "

Lexa rolled her eyes. "No, I just went to the store completely naked."

" _I was thinking in one of the bathrobes, but if that's what you want to do, who am I to judge?_ " Clarke's voice was teasing and made Lexa relax instantly. If Clarke wasn't mad or upset about her running late, then she was going to be okay. Izzy would be distracted enough by her friends to not even notice Lexa's tardiness.

"I'll be there soon," Lexa said. She wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder, starting up her car.

" _Alright. Drive safe. Don't forget the ice cream._ "

"I won't forget. See you soon."

" _Love you._ "

"Love you, too." Lexa hung up the phone, tossing it onto the passenger's seat with Izzy's present, hoping that it wouldn't slide off while she was driving. Because that's just what she needed while already running late. To have to search for her phone under her car seats.

She eyed the phone another moment before deciding that it'd probably be okay as long as she didn't slam on her brakes or anything.

Something else that clearly wasn't doable. Because Lexa's day was just going _that_ well.

The cars in front of her collided before she could even realize what was happening. The car in the left lane had been inching closer and closer, but she figured whoever was driving would have corrected themselves before hitting the minivan in front of her.

She was clearly very wrong.

She threw her car in park, launching out of her seat and running to the minivan that had skidded off the side of the road and into a ditch. A man had climbed out of the other car, looking dumbfounded and slightly pissed off, but Lexa ignored him. He looked to be fine.

The other car, however, showed no movement from inside.

Lexa ran to the driver's side of the car, looking in the window to see a woman with her head resting on her steering wheel.

"Shit," she mumbled, seeing that the woman wasn't moving. And then she heard the crying coming from the back, and looked to see a little girl, no older than maybe four or five, sitting in a booster seat. "Double shit."

She tried the handle, but the woman had locked the car. She knocked on the window, but the woman showed no signs of waking. So she tried the back.

When she got the little girl's attention, she spoke loudly to be heard through the glass. "Can you hear me?"

The little girl stared up at her, wide-eyed, but finally nodded when Lexa repeated her question.

"Okay, good. Do you know how to get out of your seat by yourself?" Another nod. "Do you think you could do that for me?"

The little girl looked between Lexa and the front seat where the woman was still sitting unconscious.

"Is that your mommy?" Lexa asked, trying to keep her tone soft while having to speak so loud. She got another little nod in response. "Alright. I want to help your mommy, okay? But to do that I need you to unlock the doors so I can get to her. Do you think you can get out of your seat and push the button to do that? Do you know where that is?"

She got another nod, and the girl started fumbling with her seatbelt.

"That's it. I knew you could do it," Lexa cheered.

Once she had her seatbelt undone, it didn't take long for the little girl to climb up into the passenger's seat. She did, however, freeze when she saw her mother.

Lexa followed her over to the passenger's side, and knocked on the window when the girl just kept staring at her mom. "Hey, sweetie. I need you to unlock this, remember? Can you do that? And then we can help your mommy, okay?"

The girl hesitated, but then unlocked the door, cringing away from Lexa when she pulled the door open.

"Hey there, sweetie. What's your name?" Lexa asked, much quieter than before. The little girl softened a bit at her tone, but didn't move any closer to Lexa.

"Ellie," she finally supplied, looking between her mom and Lexa with tears in her eyes. "Is Mommy okay?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Lexa leant down so she was eye level with Ellie. "Hi, Ellie. I'm Lexa. We're going to check on your mommy in just a second. But right now I want you to tell me if you're okay. Does anything hurt, Ellie?"

After seemingly debating if Lexa was trustworthy, Ellie finally nodded again. She lifted her right hand to point at her left shoulder. "It hurts," she mumbled. And then the tears started falling, though silently with only a few sniffles.

"Can I look at it quickly, Ellie? Can you pull up the sleeve of your shirt just a little for me?" Ellie did as she asked, and revealed a very red shoulder. "Can I touch it just a second, Ellie?" When she nodded, Lexa reached forward and prodded at her shoulder gently. "Can you move it alright?"

Ellie lifted her arm with only a little wince.

Lexa sighed in relief. "Alright, sweetie. I think you just bruised it. Can you hop out of the car for me now? And then we can go check on your mommy."

Ellie shook her head, refusing to move.

"Why not, Ellie? Do you need help?" A little nod, and Lexa smiled softly. "Alright, come here. Put your arms around my neck." Ellie hesitated a little, looking at Lexa's casted arm skeptically. "It's alright, Ellie. I won't let anything happen to you."

She finally relented, reaching out to Lexa and wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck. Lexa supported her with her arm and pulled her out of the car, standing up fully. "There you go, sweetheart. I knew you could do it," she said encouragingly.

Ellie leaned on Lexa's shoulder. "Mommy..." she cried, looking over to her mother again and sticking her thumb in her mouth.

"We're going to go check on her right now. Can you be very brave, Ellie?"

Ellie nodded slightly, and Lexa began walking to the other side of the car. The man that had hit them was fuming on the phone over by his car, and a couple other people had stopped to be witnesses when the police arrived, but no one else had come down to help.

"Okay, Ellie. I'm going to put you down for just a second so I can get your mommy's door open. Can you stand right beside me?" The girl let her put her down, but she clung to Lexa's leg as Lexa pulled the door open. "You're being very brave, Ellie. Your mommy's going to be so proud of you."

Ellie looked between Lexa and where she could now see her mom sitting in the driver's seat. Her lower lip started trembling again as she took in her mom's state.

"I know, sweetie," Lexa said comfortingly. Then she took a deep breath and reached out with her good arm, gripping at the woman's shoulder. "Ma'am. Can you hear me?"

It took a few tries, but the woman eventually started to stir.

"Look, Ellie! Your mommy's waking up. See? She was just taking a little power nap." She smiled down at Ellie who was looking up at her mother hopefully.

"Ellie...? the woman croaked out, leaning back from the wheel slowly. She brought her hand up to her head and leaned back in her seat all the way. "Ellie?" she asked again, voice a little stronger.

"She's right here, ma'am. I have her and she's okay. How are you feeling?"

"Everything hurts," she said. She looked over and down at the ground to see her daughter looking up at her. "It's alright, baby. I'm okay."

Lexa knelt down and let Ellie wrap her arms around her neck again before standing up so she could see her mom better. She could hear sirens drawing closer to them. "See, Ellie? Mommy's okay. And you hear that? There are some really good people on the way to help out even more. They're going to make sure Mommy feels better."

Ellie nodded and leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder again. The ambulance pulled up on the side of the road and a couple of paramedics jumped out, coming over to Lexa quickly.

"What happened?" one demanded as soon as he got close enough to them.

Lexa stepped out of the way so they could get to Ellie's mom. "These two were in front of me when the guy in the car started drifting over. He hit them and they skidded off the road. I just got her to wake up a minute ago." She nodded to the woman in the diver's seat.

The paramedic started working with Ellie's mom while his partner continued to talk to Lexa. "Is she okay?" she asked, nodding to Ellie.

Lexa looked down at the little girl in her arms. "She hurt her shoulder, but she said that nothing else hurts. Right, Ellie?"

She nodded, hiding against Lexa's neck.

The paramedic walked a little closer. "Can I take a look at your shoulder really quick, Ellie?" she asked, picking up on Ellie's name. Another nod from Ellie and the paramedic lifted her shirtsleeve a little to look at her shoulder. She rotated her arm to make sure she had full movement. "Alright, I think it's just bruised. We can get you some ice for it in a little bit, okay?" She smiled sweetly and waited for Ellie to nod before addressing Lexa again. "Do you know them?"

Lexa shook her head. "No."

"Are you planning on sticking around for a while?"

"Until you're set with Ellie's mom. I can look after Ellie while you look her over."

The paramedic nodded her thanks and moved over to help her partner.

"Alright Ellie," Lexa said, bouncing Ellie a little to get her attention away from her mom. Ellie, however, seemed determined to keep watching as the paramedics worked with her mom. And it also seemed very likely that she was about to start crying again at any moment. "Hey there, it's okay," Lexa cooed. "Guess what I have waiting just for you in my car."

Ellie looked up at her, seemingly trying to hold back her curiosity.

"Do you want to know?"

Ellie bit her lip, but nodded hesitantly.

"Alright, let's just go right over there for a second, okay?" She walked them over to her car and knelt down beside it. "Stand right here, okay? I'm just going to get it out of my car." Ellie nodded and watched as Lexa opened the passenger door and pulled out the wrapped present. Of course, it was Izzy's present, but Lexa could always go buy her something else. She was late as it was, so what was a little longer for her to run back to the store?

Ellie's eyes lit up as Lexa pulled the present out and held it out to her. "That's for _me_?" she asked excitedly.

Lexa nodded, smiling softly when Ellie started bouncing happily. "It's all yours, sweetie."

Ellie eagerly took the present, plopping down on the ground and pulling off the wrapping quickly. She gasped at the stuffed bear inside, pulling it out and staring at it reverently.

"Do you like it?" Lexa asked with a smile. The little girl smiled wide, clutching the bear to her chest tightly.

"I love it," she said happily. "Mommy will love it, too." Ellie looked back over her shoulder where the paramedics were helping her mom out of the car.

"Do you want to name it?"

Ellie looked back, distracted by her new toy and the thought of naming it. She pushed the bear away from her chest, holding it out at arm's length and staring it down, her face scrunched up in thought. "Lexa."

"Yes?" Lexa asked, tilting her head slightly.

Ellie giggled, pulling the bear back to her again and rubbing her face against it's soft fur. "No, Lexa. This is, Lexa."

"Oh, of course," Lexa laughed. "Are you sure you want to name your bear after me?"

Ellie nodded adamantly, looking up at Lexa with big doe eyes. "Lexa protects me."

Lexa melted at that. She reached out and tousled Ellie's hair gently. "Yeah, kid. Lexa will protect you.

"Ellie!" Ellie's mom shouted for her, looking over to where Lexa and Ellie were sitting by the car. Ellie hopped up and ran to her mother, Lexa the bear tightly clutched in her arms

Lexa grabbed her phone and noted the four missed calls and eight texts that were waiting for her, cringing a little at the sight. She shot Clarke a quick text saying she was busy and would call in just a minute, then made her way to Ellie and her mom.

Ellie clung to her mother's leg, Lexa the bear held tightly in her other arm, as she looked up at her mom and explained where the bear had come from. Her mother looked down at her lovingly. Then she looked up at Lexa with a soft, yet pained smile.

"Maybe you should be sitting. Did the paramedics say it was alright for you to be up?" Lexa asked, looking the woman over, half expecting her to fall at any moment. She definitely looked a little worse for wear.

The woman nodded. "Just a little bump on the head. No concussion that they could tell, thank god. But I'm feeling alright. I just have to call for a tow truck now. Thank you for looking after Ellie." She held her hand out to Lexa. "Addison. And you've already met Ellie."

Lexa shook her hand, but quickly waved off the thanks. "Lexa. It was no problem at all. Ellie was actually so brave and helped me out a lot."

"Is that right, Ellie?" Addison asked, looking down at her daughter.

Ellie shrugged shyly, clinging tighter to both her mother's leg and Lexa the bear. Addison chuckled at the sight. "And the bear? You didn't have to do that."

"Lexa's a super bear, Mommy. She protects me," Ellie explained, hugging Lexa the bear to her chest tightly. She peeked up at Lexa quickly before looking back to her mother.

Lexa chuckled. "I swear she chose the name."

Addison laughed. "I'm sure she did." She knelt down so she was at eye level with Ellie. "Did you thank Miss Lexa for Lexa the bear?"

Ellie's eyes went wide in realization, her mouth dropping open in slight shock. She quickly pulled away from her mother and ran over to Lexa, hugging her legs as she looked up at her. "Thanks for Lexa, Lexa. She's the best birthday present _ever_."

And of course it was this kid's birthday. Because the world just seemed to work like that, didn't it? She was maybe five years old, and she got a car accident as a birthday present.

Lexa knelt down so she was closer to eye level with Ellie. "You know what? It's my goddaughter's birthday, too. She's having a party today."

Ellie looked at Lexa in awe. "A _party_?" she asked excitedly.

Lexa nodded. "Yep. She's very excited about it. But you know what she'd be even more excited about?" Ellie looked up at her expectantly. "If she could share her party with someone who also has a birthday today. But..." Lexa tapped her chin as if in deep thought, "Where could I find someone else that has a birthday today on such short notice?"

Ellie started jumping in her spot excitedly. "Mommy! _Mommy_!" she called excitedly, looking over at her mother. Lexa looked up at Addison as well, and saw her chewing on her lip apprehensively.

"We couldn't intrude like that. You really don't have to--"

"I insist," Lexa cut her off, standing back up. "Once we're finished with the police here, we can all go over to the party. If that's alright with you."

Addison looked down to her daughter who was looking up at her hopefully, lip pushed out in a begging pout. "Oh, alright. But we're going to have to leave early to get a cab to the mechanic's."

Lexa waved her off. "My fiancé and I can drive you wherever you need to go once the party's over."

"You've already done so much."

Another wave of the hand. "Think nothing of it. Ellie here deserves a little fun after all that happened today. And I'd say you do, too."

Addison smiled at her thankfully. "Let me just finish up with the police and get a tow truck on the way, and we can go. I hate to ask, but can you..." she motioned down to Ellie.

"Can you give me just one second? I need to call my fiancé to let her know what's happening."

With a nod, Addison knelt down to listen to a story Ellie was telling her enthusiastically, and Lexa turned away, pulling her phone out.

" _Lexa? Oh thank god. What happened to you?_ " Clarke asked anxiously as soon as she picked up.

"Hi, love. You won't believe what's happened..."

* * *

 

"I have to warn you, Raven and Octavia can be a bit intense. Izzy's a sweetheart, though. Ellie will get along with her fantastically, I'm sure," Lexa explained as she turned onto the street to the Reyes-Blake home.

Addison nodded along in the passenger's seat beside her, Ellie happily playing with Lexa the bear in the back. They had moved her booster seat over to Lexa's car before the tow truck arrived. "I'm sure they're great. They're letting complete strangers come to their daughter's birthday party, after all."

Lexa nodded with a small smirk. "Oh, they're great. They're just... intense at times. You'll see what I mean in a minute." She parked on the side of the road in front of the Reyes-Blake house. "You ready to party, Ellie?" she asked excitedly, turning in her seat to look at Ellie in the back.

Ellie was bouncing in her seat, Lexa the bear clutched to her chest excitedly. "I am _so_ ready. Do you think they'll like me? What if no one wants to play with me?"

"I wouldn't worry about that. They're all going to love you. Izzy's already excited to meet you." She had talked to Izzy for a brief moment on the phone when she had called Clarke, the little girl demanding to know where Lexa was and ' _how dare you be late to my party, Auntie Lex?_ '

Of course, when Lexa explained what happened and told her she was bringing along a new friend for her, Izzy quickly forgave her and excitedly told her to hurry up. The games were all about to start, apparently.

"So, are we ready?" Lexa asked her passengers, looking to both for a confirming nod before climbing out of the car. Addison helped Ellie out and they followed Lexa up to the front door.

Lexa opened the door without knocking, swinging it wide to let Addison and Ellie enter before her.

She took the lead again, directing them toward the backyard where all the fun was supposed to be happening. When she slid the back door open, she suddenly found herself with an armful of blonde.

"Lexa, oh my god. Are you okay?" Clarke asked hastily, pulling back to look Lexa over. Her hands skimmed up and down Lexa's arms, moving to her torso to check her ribs and whatever else she apparently thought needed to be checked over. "I knew I shouldn't have left without you this morning. What was I _thinking_?"

Lexa laughed and tried to brush her off. "I'm fine, Clarke." She looked over her shoulder and waved Addison and Ellie closer. "Addison, Ellie, this is Clarke, my fiancé. Clarke, meet Addison and Ellie."

Clarke looked to the two guests and her worried and frantic expression quickly melted into a kind smile. "Hi, it's so nice to meet you both. I heard you had a rough morning."

Addison nodded, reaching down to pick Ellie up and hold her in her arms. "We did. But we're both okay. Aren't we, Ellie?" she asked her daughter gently. Ellie, back to being shy, just buried her face in her mother's neck and clung to her stuffed bear.

Clarke smiled sweetly at them. "We're glad you're here. The kids just started playing some sort of tag-like game. I'm not really sure what rules they came up with. But Ellie is more than welcome to join them."

Addison nudged Ellie. "Do you want to go play, baby? You can meet the other kids."

Ellie looked over at the kids playing hesitantly.

"Why don't we get Izzy to come over here and meet Ellie?" Lexa offered. "I'm sure she can take a little break from her game."

Clarke agreed and quickly went off to find Izzy and ask her to come over. It didn't take long before Clarke was walking back over, with more than just Izzy in tow.

"Lexa, how many times are you planning on playing hero this month?" Raven asked as she followed Clarke up to the newcomers. "I mean, seriously. Are you even going to have time to marry Clarke, or are you going to be too busy off saving some other poor soul? Nice nose, by the way."

Lexa glared at her before looking to Clarke with a pout. "I told you she'd make fun of it," she whined.

Clarke rolled her eyes with a small laugh. "Raven, how about we hold the jokes and teasing until _after_ the party?"

Raven waved her off. "You can't expect me to let that shiner go without comment for the remainder of the day."

" _I think_ ," Octavia said, cutting in before Clarke and Raven could start what was sure to be a riveting bout of banter, "that we have a couple of guests to greet." She shot a glare at Raven before turning to Addison and Ellie with a smile. "Addison and Ellie, right?" Addison nodded, trying to get Ellie to stop clinging so much to her. "We're so glad you're both okay. I'm Octavia, this is my wife, Raven, and this," she pushed Izzy to stand in front of her, "is Izzy. Iz, you remember me telling you that another girl was going to come celebrate her birthday with you?"

Izzy nodded, smiling brightly. She walked straight up to Addison without any hesitation. "I'm Izzy."

Addison knelt down, setting Ellie back on her feet. "Hi, Izzy. This is Ellie. She's turning five today."

"I'm turning six!" Izzy said excitedly. "Do you want to play with me?" she asked, leaning forward toward Ellie excitedly.

Ellie looked between her mom and Izzy apprehensively.

"Why don't you let me hold on to Lexa, and you can go play for a bit? I'll be right here, okay?" Addison asked gently.

Clarke quirked her brow at Lexa in question, to which Lexa only shrugged. She'd explain the bear situation later.

Ellie looked down at Lexa the bear in thought before cautiously handing her over to her mom. Addison smiled encouragingly and nudged her forward toward Izzy. "There you go, baby. Go play."

"Come on!" Izzy shouted excitedly, waving for Ellie to follow her as she shot off to her group of friends again. Ellie followed, though slower, and the adults all watched as Izzy called her friends over to introduce them to Ellie.

Addison visibly relaxed when everyone seemed to welcome Ellie without thought, and the kids' game quickly picked back up.

"Thank you all so much for letting us come. It's been a hard day, and Ellie really needed something fun to do."

Everyone quickly waved her off.

"I think it's safe to say you could both use a bit of fun after this morning," Clarke said. She gestured to some lawn chairs set up on the patio. "Why don't we all relax for a bit? The kids can entertain themselves for a while until it's time for cake and ice cream."

Lexa mentally smacked herself. "Actually, I have to head back out." She cringed when Clarke frowned and looked sharply at her. "I forgot to get the ice cream. I'll be right back."

"Oh no. I'll go. You can stay here and _not_ get drawn into another act of heroism today."

Lexa rolled her eyes at her fiancé. "What's the probability that something else would happen today?"

"What's the probability that you'd be involved in three different situations, two of which you got hurt during, in a month?" Clarke challenged. She crossed her arms and cocked her hip stubbornly. Lexa knew that arguing with her would be pointless.

"Why don't both of you go? Clarke could probably use a break form all the excitement," Octavia suggested. She motioned over to where the kids were now climbing the swing set that Clarke had transformed into a castle that morning.

Clarke's brow scrunched in thought for a moment as she looked Lexa over. Then, all the tension seemed to leave her body as she seemingly gave up her argument, her arms dropping to her sides in defeat. "Fine. But I'm driving."

Lexa grinned, handing over her car keys. "By all means. Driving with one hand was a bit harder than I imagined."

"Did the great Lexa Woods just admit defeat?" Raven asked with a dramatic gasp. "I never thought I'd see the day."

Lexa shot her a glare. "Watch it or I'll bring pistachio ice cream back."

Raven's face scrunched in disgust. "You wouldn't do that to your goddaughter."

"Try me."

And then the glaring/staring contest began as Raven tried to weigh out the chances of Lexa actually doing what she threatened.

Clarke rolled her eyes, grabbing Lexa by her elbow and turning her away from Raven. "We're leaving now. Try not to let the house burn down while we're gone."

"We do live here, you know. Without your supervision, even," Octavia said.

"But not usually with a dozen kids," Clarke pointed out. She eyed Raven skeptically. "And it's your daughter's birthday, which means Raven is probably planning some kind of _boom_ before the night is over." Raven smiled as innocently as she could (which was not very innocent looking at all).

Octavia opened her mouth to argue, but just let it fall closed again. "Fair. Maybe hurry back?" she asked with a sheepish smile.

"That's what I thought," Clarke said around a laugh. "We'll be back soon."

Clarke took Lexa's hand, leading her back through the house and out to Lexa's car. She climbed in and settled heavily into the driver's seat as Lexa took the passenger's. Lexa looked over to see Clarke with her head leaned back, eyes closed as she took calming breaths.

"Are you alright, love?" Lexa asked hesitantly.

Clarke chuckled and shook her head, opening her eyes slowly to look at Lexa. "Am _I_ alright? You're the one that had all the excitement this morning."

Lexa shrugged. "You're the one that had to deal with the Reyes-Blake family on your own for a decent part of the day."

That earned her another small laugh, and she melted into the sound. Clarke reached over and put her hand on Lexa's thigh, squeezing gently. "What am I going to do with you, Lex?" she asked lovingly.

"We've been through this. Just the other day, actually," Lexa teased.

"These occurrences are definitely starting to happen more frequently, aren't they?"

Another shrug and a sheepish smile.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled her hand back, starting the car up. "You aren't planning on making a habit out of saving people all the time, are you? I know I've called you Super Lex, but you really don't have to be a hero all the time." She pulled out into the road and started driving toward the store.

"I can honestly say that I would gladly stop it if I could." She thought about it for a moment, considering what she just said. "Actually, what's a few broken bones when it helps someone else out?"

"Which is very admirable. But at the same time, I'd like to keep you around for a little longer. Do you think you could maybe tone down the saving a bit?"

"I don't go looking for trouble, Clarke."

"I know, love." She reached over and rested her hand on Lexa's thigh again. "I'm seriously so proud of you for helping all these people. It's honestly amazing that you've had the opportunity. And it's so incredibly selfless of you to keep doing it, even if you only come across these people by accident."

"And look on the bright side," Lexa said perkily. "The injuries seem to be getting less severe instead of more. Broken arm, broken nose, and now no personal injury at all. I'm going the right direction."

Clarke laughed. "Yeah, that's true. How about we try to keep it on the 'no injury' level?"

"I'll give it my best shot."

"Thank you," Clarke said around another laugh. "We need to stop by the toy store before we go get the ice cream. I saw you gave Ellie Izzy's gift."

"Sorry...?" Lexa tried, though she wasn't sorry about it at all.

Clarke turned on her signal to turn into the toy store's parking lot with a shake of her head. "Nothing at all to be sorry for. Ellie seemed to love it. But I do have to ask, now that we're on the subject - Lexa? She named the bear Lexa?"

Lexa tiled her chin up, smirking proudly. "She named the bear Lexa," she confirmed before letting the proud facade drop. She smiled softly at Clarke, who met her gaze as soon as the car was parked. "She was really anxious when I gave it to her. Her mom was being looked over still, and we didn't know how bad it was a the time. So, I gave her the bear, and tried to distract her with it for a while. When I asked her what she wanted to name it, she said Lexa because Lexa would protect her."

Reaching over, Clarke carded her fingers through Lexa's hair, smiling lovingly. "Lexa certainly did protect her this morning. You know something?"

"I know a lot of things," Lexa teased.

Clarke rolled her eyes fondly. "You're very humble."

"All heroes should be humble, Clarke."

"Of course they should be."

"But what were you going to say?" Lexa prompted.

"Oh, you don't know?" Clarke teased.

Lexa shrugged. "You may just surprise me with this one."

Clarke hummed and leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to Lexa's lips. "You amaze me, Lexa Woods."

"And do you want to know something?" Lexa asked, leaning closer conspiratorially.

Clarke smirked, but nodded along, letting Lexa press another quick but sweet kiss to her lips.

"Superheroes tend to be pretty amazing," Lexa mock whispered.

Clarke laughed, pulling back with a roll of her eyes and climbing out of the car. Lexa followed suit, quickly catching up to Clarke as she walked across the parking lot.

"All super heroes may be amazing," Clarke said, twining their fingers to let their hands swing between them. "But you, Super Lex, are one of a kind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY SUPER LEXTRA!! I hope you all liked that little saga as much as I did. Because it's one of my favorites in this story. 
> 
> Comment below with Lextra things you've done in life, heroic or not. Because we're all extra sometimes. 
> 
> Your comments/requests/Kudos are the best and I love you all for each and every one of them.


	60. Let the Colors of Your Soul Spill Out for Everyone to See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodyguards, migraines, flowers and limos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a longer one for you lovely people!

Lexa fell down onto the couch with a relieved sigh, stretching her newly un-casted arm out in front of her. "Oh, that feels good," she moaned contently.

Clarke came in from changing in their bedroom. "Relieved?" she asked, sitting down next to Lexa with a little smile at her fiancé's obvious contentment.

Lexa looked to her with a big smile on her face. "Oh yeah. It feels so good to be able to move my arm again."

"I'm sure it does."

"Any plans for the night?" Lexa asked. Clarke had met Lexa at the hospital to remove her cast, making her appointment with Lexa the last of her shift. Her shift that she had started at five that morning. So she and Lexa had had very little time to discuss evening plans that day.

Clarke shrugged. "Not really. I'm thinking we should stay in. Maybe bask in the lack of injury while it lasts."

"Are you insinuating that I'm just going to go out and get hurt again?" Lexa asked with a dramatic gasp.

"Maybe a little. I'm thinking we should get you a body guard at least until after the wedding," Clarke teased. She ran her fingers up and down Lexa's now healed arm absentmindedly. "Just to be safe."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "I do not need a bodyguard, Clarke. I'm perfectly capable of keeping myself safe."

Clarke just raised a challenging brow at her.

Lexa kept the stare for a moment before deflating a little. "Just maybe not when it comes to others' safety."

"That's what I thought."

" _But_ ," Lexa said, revving up to make a compelling argument, "at least each injury was for a good cause."

"Lex, you're supposed to donate to good causes. Not go out and get yourself hurt. I stand by my bodyguard idea."

Lexa glared at her, deep in thought, trying to figure out a good compromise. Of course, she knew Clarke wouldn't _actually_ get her a bodyguard. But... "Only if my bodyguard is you."

"Me?" Clarke asked with a laugh.

Lexa nodded succinctly. "Yep. You. I don't want to be around anyone else twenty-four hours a day."

"While this ploy to spend more time with me is incredibly endearing, I'm thinking you didn't think through the full concept of 'bodyguard' when you suggested it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that I would be the one getting hurt instead. Not that I wouldn't do so to keep you from getting hurt if I could. But the goal is to have us both able to walk down the aisle at the wedding without any outside support."

Lexa's smug look fell immediately. "No, let's not do that then."

"That's what I thought," Clarke said with another little laugh. "I'd be an awesome bodyguard, though. Just to make that clear."

"I'm sure you would be," Lexa said, brow scrunched in thought. Her expression soon morphed into a smirk as she looked over her fiancé again. "Maybe a different type of _bodyguard_."

Clarke hummed. "Tell me more."

"Well," Lexa said, drawing out the syllable. She turned and tugged on the collar of Clarke's shirt, falling back on the couch and bringing Clarke with her. "I'm thinking a more _personal_ bodyguard. Someone who makes sure I'm safe on an intimate level."

Clarke leaned over Lexa, propped up on her elbows on either side of Lexa's head. "I think I've got you _covered_ ," she joked.

Lexa quirked a brow. "Is that how a bodyguard behaves? Joking about keeping me safe?"

"I'm pretty sure a bodyguard wouldn't be imagining the person they were supposed to be protecting naked underneath them, either."

"Clarke Griffin, are you imagining me naked right now?"

Clarke shrugged as well as she could, trying to act nonchalant about it. "Maybe."

"Well, _maybe_ ," Lexa teased, leaning up and nipping at Clarke's earlobe, "you don't have to just imagine it."

"Is my client propositioning me?"

"Your client may be very well propositioning you right now," Lexa said, reaching up to run her hands down Clarke's sides to grip at the hem of her shirt. "And your client may also be very impatient about said proposition."

"Maybe she needs to learn some patience."

"Maybe she's been deprived because of the struggle that is a broken arm and is now in need of some exploratory satisfaction."

"Exploratory satisfaction?" Clarke asked, trying not to laugh at the phrase.

Lexa nodded very seriously. "Without the hindrance of a cast, who knows what all I could do. I need someone to help me find out."

"And your bodyguard would be the best one to help you with this?"

"Who better than someone who is meant to keep me from hurting myself?" Lexa asked, her hands sneaking up the back of Clarke's shirt to skim over the skin of her back.

"You make a valid point," Clarke admitted, leaning her weight on one arm so she could use her other to grip at Lexa's side possessively. "Maybe your bodyguard _is_ the best option to help in this situation."

"My thoughts exactly," Lexa said breathily, pulling Clarke down to trail kisses along her jaw.

"Though there may be a bit of a conflict of interest," Clarke said, trembling slightly at Lexa's ministrations. Lexa hummed in response, not bothering to prompt Clarke to continue. "I mean, seriously. A bodyguard getting involved with the person they're supposed to be protecting. I think that goes against protocol. And then what will happen to my credibility as a bodyguard? No one is going to ever hire me again. All because I was seduced by a gorgeous brunette with striking green eyes and--" she cut off with a sharp breath as Lexa nipped at the skin of her neck before soothing the area with her tongue. "And a wicked tongue. This is--"

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, dropping her head back on the couch to meet Clarke's darkened eyes.

"Yes?" Clarke asked, voice breathy.

"Stop talking," Lexa said with a light laugh.

"Gladly," Clarke breathed out, leaning down to capture Lexa's lips with her own.

* * *

 

"Lex?"

Lexa skidded to a halt in the hallway outside of their bedroom, watching the little girl she was chasing run into the living room. "Yeah, babe?" she asked distractedly, trying to figure out what their goddaughter was up to.

"Do you think maybe you two could be a little quieter?" Clarke asked, her voice strained. Lexa peeked into the bedroom, concerned by the tone of Clarke's voice.

She found Clarke laying curled up on her bed, pillow over her head, all the lights in the room turned out.

"Are you alright, love?" Lexa asked softly, inching into the room slowly. They could hear Izzy scrambling around in the living room, but it didn't sound like anything was about to be broken, so Lexa thought she could spare a minute.

Clarke just groaned on the bed, clutching the pillow tighter over her head.

"I'll take that as a no. Headache?" Lexa sat gently on the side of the bed, running her hand soothingly up and down Clarke's back.

Clarke rolled over so she was laying on her stomach, face still hidden from any source of light. "Migraine," she said simply.

Lexa cringed. Clarke had only gotten a few migraines since they started dating, but they usually put her out of commission for a good day and a half at least.

"I'll call Octavia and Raven to come get Izzy," Lexa offered, getting off the bed quickly to go find her phone.

Clarke reached out for her blindly. "No, don't. We told them we'd watch her while they had a date night. We can't go back on that now."

"You have a migraine, Clarke. Having a six year old running around the apartment isn't going to help."

Clarke lifted the pillow slightly so she could see Lexa. Her eyes were drooping and she winced at the small amount of light that was sneaking through the doorway. "Just ask her to keep it down a little. And close the door. I'll be fine."

Lexa's brow scrunched in thought as she looked her fiancé over. She definitely did not look fine in the least. And Lexa would take Izzy out so they wouldn't bother Clarke, but she didn't want to leave her alone when she could barely handle any light. She knew if she did that, Clarke probably wouldn't eat until Lexa came back, which would just make the situation even worse.

"Really, Lex. Just put a movie on or something and try to get her to calm down. She loves to cuddle up with you."

"Auntie Lex!" Izzy called from the living room, sounding annoyed that her godmother hadn't followed her out of the hall.

Lexa looked over her shoulder at the call, and then back to Clarke with a expectant lift of her brow. "You were saying? I don't think that girl can be quiet unless she's about to go to sleep."

"Then have an early bedtime."

"It's four in the afternoon, love. She won't go to sleep now and we both know that. Just let me call Raven and O. I'm sure they'll understand."

Clarke buried her head back under the pillow, whimpering softly at the pain throbbing in her head.

"I'm going to take that as an okay," Lexa said, grabbing her phone off the nightstand to pull up Raven's number. She walked out of the bedroom and pulled the door almost closed, bringing her phone to her ear as it started ringing.

" _Lexa, this had better be good because if it's not, you are a dead woman._ " Raven sounded less than enthused to be hearing from Lexa.

" _Is Izzy okay?_ " she could hear Octavia ask in the background, clearly concerned to be getting a call from her godmother.

"Izzy's fine. Unfortunately, Clarke is not." She leaned against the wall in the hallway, glancing back at their bedroom worriedly.

Raven instantly sounded more concerned than frustrated. " _Is she alright? What happened?_ "

"She got one of her migraines."

" _Oh shit,_ " Raven mumbled. Lexa knew Raven had also witnessed Clarke's experience with migraines multiple times. She didn't even have to ask what she had called for. " _We'll be there in twenty. Tell Izzy to keep it down and get ready for us._ "

"She's not going to be too happy."

" _She'll understand. We'll just have a family movie night tonight instead. She'll be thrilled._ "

Lexa sighed in relief. "Thank you so much, Rae. It means a lot."

She could imagine Raven's wave as she brushed her off. " _It's not a problem. We've all seen Clarke when she's had a migraine. It's not a fun time._ "

"No," Lexa said with a sad laugh. "No, it's definitely not. I'll see you soon."

" _See ya._ "

The line went dead and Lexa moved back into their bedroom. "They're on their way, love. I'm going to go out in the living room with Izzy until they get here, and then I'll be back."

Clarke just raised a tired thumbs-up in response, not bothering to say anything to clarify.

Lexa shook her head with a small smile, backing out of the room and pulling the door closed quietly.

"Alright, Iz," Lexa said once she got into the living room. Izzy was playing with one of her toys on the floor, and she looked up at Lexa expectantly when she entered. "Mommy and Mama are on their way back to get you."

Izzy's face dropped. "But why?" she asked distraughtly. The toy she was playing with fell to the floor with a sad little thud.

Lexa knelt down on the floor, looking at Izzy very seriously. "Auntie Clarke isn't feeling good at all. And I need to be able to take care of her so she can feel better."

"I can help!" Izzy shouted excitedly.

Lexa cringed at how loud that was. "Not this time, Iz. She would love your help, I'm sure, but she needs everything to be super quiet."

"I can be really quiet," Izzy whispered the best a child could whisper. Lexa smiled fondly at that and reached out, tousling Izzy's hair.

"I know you can, kiddo. But it's going to be really boring and not any fun at all. You know what, though?" she asked excitingly.

Izzy looked at her suspiciously, still slightly pouting but clearly wanting to know what Lexa could be sounding excited about. "What?" she asked hesitantly.

"Mommy and Mama are going to have a movie night with you. And you'll be able to choose any movie you want. And..." she gestured for Izzy to scoot closer so she could stage whisper to her, "I think there's going to be ice cream and candy."

Izzy couldn't hold back her enthusiasm at that. She leaned back and looked up at Lexa, very clearly excited. "Really?"

Lexa nodded knowingly. "Oh yeah. Loads of it. But, only if you're really good for Auntie Clarke, Mommy and Mama. Do you think you can do that?"

Izzy nodded enthusiastically.

"Alright," Lexa said with a soft clap of her hands. "Then let's get this place cleaned up and get you ready to head home for some tasty snacks and a fun movie!"

"Okay!" Izzy shouted again, cringing when Lexa shushed her. She tiptoed around the living room (quite an amusing sight), picking up her toys and putting them back in her little overnight bag that Raven and Octavia had dropped off with her. They had just finished packing everything up and were sitting on the couch talking quietly when they heard a knock on the front door.

"I bet I know who that is," Lexa said, letting Izzy hop off the couch and run to the door before her. She pulled the door open, making sure not to hit Izzy with it, and relaxed with a relieved smile at the sight of Raven and Octavia standing there. "Thank you both so much."

Raven waved her off. "It's no problem." She reached down and picked Izzy up, smiling lovingly and nodded along as Izzy excitedly told her which movie she wanted to watch and which candies she wanted and what ice cream they had to get before they went home.

"Ice cream and candy, huh?" Octavia asked Lexa, brows raised in question.

Lexa smiled apologetically. "Sorry?"

Octavia rolled her eyes, taking Izzy's backpack from Lexa. "It's fine. We were planning on getting a pizza anyway. Why not add diabetes inducing desserts?"

Lexa chuckled, gave Izzy a quick hug, and waved the family off before closing the apartment door and making her way back to Clarke. She turned off any lights she could on the way there, closing the blinds as well. It wasn't completely dark with it being only late afternoon, but it was better.

She softly pushed the bedroom door open and looked inside.

Clarke was just as she left her.

"How are you feeling, love?" she asked gently, moving to sit on the side of the bed.

Clarke peeked out from under the pillow, smiling softly at Lexa. She rolled over and put the pillow under her head when she realized it was much darker than before. "I feel like shit."

Lexa brushed some hair out of Clarke's face, running her fingers through the tangled blonde curls soothingly. "Can I get you anything? Maybe something to eat?"

Clarke shook her head, closing her eyes and leaning into Lexa's gentle touch. "I'm alright for now. Is Izzy gone?"

"Rae and O just came and got her."

Clarke sighed sadly. "I hate that they had to cut their night short. I was really looking forward to spending the evening with Iz, too."

"I know, love," Lexa said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Clarke's forehead. "You didn't plan on a migraine, though. It's not your fault." She massaged gently at Clarke's scalp, trying to smooth some of the pain if at all possible. "What can I do for you?"

"Lay with me for a while?" Clarke asked, sounding weak and tired. She opened her eyes a crack, but didn't seem able to actually focus on Lexa before she let them fall closed again.

"Of course, baby." Lexa moved over to the other side of the bed, lifted the blankets and sheets, and climbed in next to Clarke. Clarke immediately rolled, burying her face against Lexa's neck and winding an arm around Lexa's waist. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, holding her to her. "Are you comfortable?"

Clarke nodded against her, and Lexa could feel her breathing evening out and slowing down as she drifted toward sleep. She kissed the side of Clarke's head, brushing her thumb back and forth against Clarke's upper arm.

It didn't take long for Clarke to fall asleep.

* * *

 

The flower shop was small and personal, with only the one man working that day. He flipped the sign to closed as soon as Lexa and Clarke walked in, saying that he'd reopen to the public as soon as he finished with his meeting with them. They sat at a small table, where he opened up a catalog of his products for them to peruse.

"I'm thinking violets and peonies," Lexa said, leaning over the florist's catalog as he watched her with interest.

Clarke sat beside her fiancé, letting the flower lovers handle this choice for the wedding. All she knew was that she didn't want the traditional roses that seemed so common at every other wedding. Other than that, she didn't really have a preference.

"What do you think, Clarke?" Lexa asked, turning to her with the most adorable thoughtful look.

Clarke smiled and leaned forward, looking at the catalog as well. "These two?" she asked, pointing at the two types of flowers. Lexa nodded. "I like them. They're simple, but beautiful."

Lexa nodded her agreement. "That's what I was thinking. And it's straying from the traditional, which was your one condition."

"Yep," Clarke said with a grin, popping the 'p'.

Lexa smiled and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Clarke's lips. "You're cute."

"I know," Clarke said, grinning cheekily.

Lexa rolled her eyes and looked back to the florist. "So we'll take bouquets of these. We'll have have them decorating the aisle as well..." Lexa and the florist continued on, deciding on all the details, and Clarke got lost in watching her fiancé's passion over something as simple as flowers.

It wasn't that she didn't care about the details of her wedding, because she definitely did. But, at the same time, she was more than happy to let Lexa take the lead on certain parts. She was fine with keeping it simple, as long as she got to marry Lexa at the end of the day.

She didn't realize she had been caught staring until Lexa quirked a brow at her. "Is something the matter, Clarke?"

Clarke shook her head with a small smile. "Not at all, love. Don't mind me."

Lexa hummed and looked back to the florist, taking the order form from him when he handed it to her.

"We'll handle the set-up and take down. Would you like any pressed afterward for you to keep?"

And the conversation continued. Honestly, while Clarke found flowers pretty and appreciated their aesthetic value, she didn't understand the fascination that some people had with them. But still, watching Lexa light up whenever Clarke brought her a bouquet or even whenever they walked by a flower stand while out and about was probably one of her favorite things. Speaking of...

"Alright, that should do it. We'll get in touch closer to the date to finalize things and make sure no plans have changed."

"Sounds perfect," Lexa said, shaking the man's hand as they stood from the table. "Ready to head out, Clarke?"

"Uhm, I'm actually going to hit the bathroom before we go. Why don't you go get the car?" Clarke said, standing from the table as well.

"I can wait," Lexa offered.

Clarke hummed and turned Lexa toward the door. "I know you can. But it's cold out and I would _love_ to get into a warm car." She grinned innocently at her fiancé, hoping that she wasn't being too transparent.

Lexa eyed her suspiciously, but nodded nonetheless. "Sure, love. Make me freeze my toes off to get the car warm for you."

Clarke shrugged. "Hey, I offered to drive my car with the great remote start installed. You refused. Now you can suffer."

Lexa sighed dramatically. " _Fine_. You're lucky I love you."

"I'm lucky I have you wrapped around my finger," Clarke said teasingly.

"That, too." She leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Clarke's lips. "Don't take too long."

"I just need to pee, Lex," Clarke said with a laugh.

Lexa hummed. "And do whatever else you're scheming. I know that look, Clarke. You don't fool me." She smirked triumphantly at Clarke's surprised look.

Clarke quickly tried to shake her surprise and smiled sweetly at Lexa instead. "I don't scheme, Lexa."

"Sure you don't."

"Nope. Now go warm the car. It could have already been nice and toasty by now."

Lexa waved her hand through the air, disregarding the comment. "Yeah, yeah."

"Love you!" Clarke called after her as Lexa left the shop.

When Lexa was out of view of the shop window, Clarke spun around on the florist who looked at her in startled surprise. "Can I help you, Miss Griffin?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes you can. First, a bouquet for now. And then I have something else I'd like to talk to you about."

"Of course, ma'am. What flowers were you thinking for the bouquet?"

"She loves sunflowers."

"I can do that. Anything with them?" he asked, already moving around the shop to gather what he needed.

Clarke shrugged. "I'm honestly not sure. Tell me about a few of them?"

And he did. Boy did he tell her about flowers. Clarke didn't realize there was so much to know about flowers. And he was so excited about them, too. Eventually, she had to cut him off.

"Alright," she said with a laugh. "I think we should maybe keep it simple this time around. How about some daisies with them?"

The man smiled. "I think that's a great idea." And he went about creating her bouquet for her. "And the other thing?" he asked as he finished tying up the bouquet.

Clarke smiled excitedly, leaning onto the counter conspiratorially. "It's going to be a surprise, so you can't let Lexa know, okay?"

When the man nodded and promised not to say a word, Clarke told him her plan.

* * *

 

"Uh-huh. No scheming at all," Lexa said, trying to sound annoyed, though she buried her nose in the flowers Clarke got her with a content hum.

"Don't even pretend you're upset about it," Clarke teased, leaning over the center console of the car to place a quick kiss on Lexa's cheek.

Lexa handed the flowers back to Clarke for her to hold while Lexa drove them home. "You spoil me," she said as she pulled out onto the road to start the drive home.

Clarke shrugged, smiling as she watched Lexa. "No more than you spoil me."

"Such spoiling going on amongst the two of us," Lexa said with a little smirk.

"It is what it is."

Lexa hummed. "Maybe you should let me spoil you a little more when we get home," she offered suggestively.

"And just what kind of spoiling did you have in mind?"

Lexa bit her lip, glancing over at Clarke with half lidded eyes before darting her gaze back to the road. "I bought some new bubble bath the other day."

"I like where this is going." Clarke leaned over, resting her elbow on the center console to lean closer to Lexa.

"And we have those new candles that we have yet to try out."

"Mhmm."

"And I may or may not have bought some massage oil that I thought you'd like."

"Oh?" Clarke asked, very pleasantly surprised by that piece of information.

Lexa nodded. "It's warming. Should loosen up any tenseness." She glanced at Clarke with a pleased little smirk.

Clarke smiled and quickly leaned over to press another kiss to Lexa's cheek. "And you wonder why I spoil you."

"Because of my magic fingers, of course."

"Are we still talking about a massage?" Clarke asked, brow quirked teasingly.

Lexa hummed, still donning that smug little smirk. "Maybe." She pulled into the apartment's parking lot, quickly finding a spot for them. She looked over to Clarke seductively, pressing a slow, sensual kiss to her lips. "Why don't we get inside and find out?"

* * *

 

"Mom, we don't need a limo."

" _Clarke, let me pamper my baby a little. You're getting a limo._ "

Clarke sighed, balancing her phone on her shoulder as she struggled with a bag of groceries and her key to the apartment. You'd think she'd have this multi-tasking thing down by now. But alas, the struggle was still so real.

Finally, she got the door to unlock and pushed it open, making her way to the kitchen to deposit the groceries. "We really don't need it though, Mom. They aren't cheap."

" _Which is why I'm offering to rent one for you._ "

"It's so frivolous." She leaned on the counter, rubbing at her brow and the headache she could feel growing there. Her mother had been trying to convince her to splurge on almost every aspect of the wedding. So far, they'd been able to talk her down from spending too much, but Abby Griffin was nothing if not stubborn and persistent.

" _Weddings are meant to be frivolous, Clarke. Why else would people buy a gown that they don't plan on ever wearing again?_ "

She made a fair point. But still. She wasn't going to let her mother spend a load of money on renting a limo for the day.

"We were just going to drive to the venue in one of our cars."

Silence.

That was never a good sign.

And then finally, " _Together?_ " She sounded more shocked and appalled than the concept really called for in Clarke's opinion.

"Yes, together."

" _It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding._ "

Clarke chuckled. She had assumed that was where her mother was going with that. "I think we've faced enough bad luck with Lex's recent injuries to last us for a while. Karma is supposed to even out, isn't it?"

Speaking of Lexa... _Where is that fiancé of mine?_ Clarke questioned to herself, pushing off the counter to look around the apartment. She made her way through the rooms, finally finding Lexa in their study, hard at work typing away on her computer.

" _I won't let you push it, though. You can't take a chance on these things, Clarke. You might as well break a few mirrors and walk under a ladder while you're at it..._ -"

Clarke silently walked up to Lexa, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her neck as she listened to her mother rant on and on about the curses of bad luck and how best to avoid them.

Lexa startled in her seat before looking over her shoulder and smiling sweetly at Clarke.

She wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders after her fiancé settled, pressing a lingering kiss to her awaiting lips. Lexa hummed into the kiss, quirking a brow in silent question when they pulled apart.

_'Mom,'_ Clarke mouthed silently in answer.

Lexa nodded with a little smirk, turning back to her typing. Clarke remained where she was and rested her chin on Lexa's shoulder contently.

Finally, Abby's rant seemed to taper off enough for Clarke to cut in. "I thought you were supposed to be scientifically and clinically inclined. Aren't doctors overly analytical?"

" _That doesn't mean I can't heed the warnings of the universe, Clarke._ "

"Of course not. But how about we let the universe do what it may without bending to superstitions?"

" _Or you can not press your luck and just listen to me._ "

Clarke rolled her eyes. "When was the last time I listened to you blindly?"

Lexa chuckled. "When's the last time you listened to anyone blindly?"

" _Is that Lexa? Put her on the phone. She's clearly the voice of reason in this relationship._ "

Another eye roll. "Gladly." She pulled Lexa's hand from her laptop and placed her phone in Lexa's hand. "Your turn. Good luck."

" _See? Luck!_ " she could hear Abby yell even without holding the phone to her ear.

Lexa looked down at the phone skeptically (and admittedly a little apprehensively), before sighing in defeat and bringing it up to her ear. "Hello, Abby."

Clarke sat down on the floor beside Lexa's chair, looking up at her fiancé as her face slowly morphed into a scrunched up, adorably confused expression. "I think that's pushing it a little far, don't you?"

She startled suddenly, pulling the phone away from her to look at it as if she couldn't believe she was actually talking to the usually reasonable Abby Griffin. She glanced to Clarke quickly, to which Clarke laughed with an exasperated shrug, and then pulled the phone back to her ear.

"Yes, I'm hearing what you're saying. But I think it's highly illogical to find Clarke a place to stay for twenty-four hours before the wedding." She paused, listening to whatever Abby was saying. "Yes, she does have friends in the area. But the only ones she'd want to stay with have a six year old daughter that would keep her up all night with her excitement." Lexa balked at whatever Abby said in response. "Of course I wouldn't keep her up all night."

Clarke outright laughed at that, earning a sharp glare from Lexa. She tried to stifle her laughter, but failed horribly.

"Abby, it just doesn't seem logical to put anyone else out when we have a perfectly good apartment to stay in the night before." Business Lexa was coming out to play now, her tone turning strict and professional as she tried to talk some reason into Clarke's mother and her soon to be mother-in-law. Clarke bit her lip as she tried to keep from laughing at Lexa's tensing up. "Well, would you prefer two completely exhausted women trying to get through a day of wedding festivities because they couldn't get a good night's sleep?" Lexa rolled her eyes in frustration at whatever Abby's response was. "Of course we have a couch." Her spine stiffened at whatever Abby said. "I don't think that's necessary." Another little pause. "But Anya's using--"

There was a long silence from Lexa as Abby apparently cut her off. And then she suddenly pulled the phone away and gawked at it. The screen lit up saying that the call was ended, and Lexa handed the phone back to Clarke.

"All figured out?" Clarke asked with a light laugh. She rubbed Lexa's thigh in comfort as her fiancé continued to look irked and confused at the same moment.

"I just-- She just-- _What_?" Lexa finally settled on, glaring down at the phone now in Clarke's lap.

"Did she at least let go of the limo idea?"

Lexa looked at her sharply. "She wants to get a _limo_?"

"Oh, honey," Clarke cooed, patting Lexa's leg consolingly. "What did she say?"

"She's... She's apparently staying the night the night before our wedding. And you're to sleep out on the couch."

Clarke quirked her brow. "Excuse me?"

"She demanded that you sleep out on the couch and are out of the apartment before I get up in the morning."

Clarke's brow scrunched in confusion. "But where would she sleep? Anya's already taking the spare room so that she's here early enough to be able to help."

"That's what I tried to tell her."

"And?"

Lexa visibly paled. "She said she'd sleep in our room."

"With you?" Clarke asked, choking down her bark of laughter at the idea. Lexa's expression didn't help her with keeping that under control, though.

Lexa nodded, still in shock.

Clarke rolled her eyes, using Lexa's thigh to push herself back to her feet. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Lexa's head, stroking her cheek consolingly. "Don't worry, babe. That's not going to happen."

Lexa looked up at her hopefully. "You're going to stop her?"

Clarke breathed out a little laugh. "No one can stop Abby Griffin when her mind is set on something. But then again, people say the same about me. I'll talk to her."

" _Please_ ," Lexa begged, clinging to Clarke's hand desperately. "I don't want to sleep with your mother."

"I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth."

"I never thought I'd have to say them," Lexa said, cringing in disgust at the thought of it.

Clarke laughed. "If worse comes to worst, we'll lock her out of the apartment. I'm sure Anya could help, too."

"Anya," Lexa said, eyes going wide as she seemed to have an epiphany. "That's it!" She stood quickly from her chair and threw her arms around Clarke in excitement.

"Uhm, what's it?" Clarke asked, very confused.

Lexa pulled back, holding Clarke out at arms' length with giddy excitement. "We'll stay at Anya's. Your mom won't even know until she gets here."

"And leave her here without anyone to let her into the apartment? Are you suggesting we leave my mother out in the cold, Lexa?" Clarke asked with a little teasing smirk.

Lexa waved her off. "We can leave a key hidden under the doormat or something for her. We'll figure that out later. But it's _perfect_."

Clarke laughed and patted Lexa's arm reassuringly. "How about you let me try to talk to her before we resort to taking over your sister's apartment?"

Lexa sighed, but nodded in agreement. "I'll let Anya know that it's a possibility, though. Give her fair warning."

"Alright, love. Whatever you want."

"What I _want_ is to be able to sleep with my fiancé the night before our wedding," Lexa grumbled with a pout.

"So needy," Clarke teased with a suggestive raise of her brows.

Lexa let her hands drop from Clarke, letting out a little whine. "You know that's not what I meant. I can't sleep without you in bed anymore." The adorable little pout that she sent Clarke was totally unfair. And totally too cute.

Clarke cooed. "Alright, love." She leant forward and kissed the pout off Lexa's lips. "I'll do everything I can to convince Mom that she doesn't need to stay the night here. Or if she really wants to, she can take the couch."

"Thank you," Lexa breathed out in relief, a thankful little smile gracing her previously pouting lips. She kissed Clarke happily, wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist to hold them together. "We're getting married," she said when they pulled apart. She rested her forehead against Clarke's, humming in contentment as she swayed them back and forth slowly.

"We're getting married," Clarke repeated in agreement. She smiled at the dopey grin that Lexa was sporting.

"We're getting married _soon_ , Clarke."

"Yes we are," Clarke agreed, reaching up and scratching softly at the nape of Lexa's neck. She cupped Lexa's cheek with her other hand, pressing forward to kiss her again.

"And you'll be my _wife_."

Clarke let out a little chuckle. "That's usually how it works."

"You know what I think?" Lexa asked with a coy little smirk as she opened her eyes and met Clarke's gaze.

"What do you think?"

Another quick kiss before Lexa pulled back fully, taking Clarke's hands in her own. "I think we should go practice."

"For the wedding?" Clarke asked, confused once again.

Lexa shook her head, bitting her lip temptingly. She turned them and began walking backwards, leading Clarke out of the study. "For the wedding _night_."

"Ooh," Clarke said, following Lexa eagerly. "I _really_ like the way you think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Abby... always meaning well with less than desirable results. Clarke to the rescue again, it seems. Maybe. But maybe not. They’re both stubborn. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all liked that chapter!! We’re slowly winding down this story. But don’t worry, I’ll give you a much better timeline the closer we get to the end. We still have a bit to go. 
> 
> Comments/request/Kudos are my fave. And come find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want!


	61. And to Your Favorite Song We Sang Along to the Start of Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation, celebration, and a growing family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! New chapter!

_Shit_.

Clarke ran back to her room, grabbing her purse and her shoes.

"I am so late," she mumbled as she threw her phone into her purse and ran back out to the living room. "Come on, Lex!" she yelled out to the apartment at large.

Lexa, of course, was her usually calm self, acting as if she didn't have a care in the world. She had spent the morning working on her book, typing away.

Clarke, on the other hand, had been running around the apartment all morning trying to make sure that she was ready to go because today was her _graduation day_ , and she needed to be out the door ten minutes ago if she wanted to get there with enough time to meet up with her friends and mom beforehand.

"Lex!" she yelled again when her fiancé didn't make a prompt appearance. When she still didn't get a response, Clarke huffed and stormed her way over to the closed door of their study. "Damnit Lexa, we need to--" she pushed the door open and found the room empty.

And then the front door was pushed open. "You ready, babe?" Lexa called as she pushed the door closed again.

"Where did you go?" Clarke asked. Lexa was definitely there when she got in her shower. And she thought she heard her in the study while she got dressed. Then again, she hadn't talked to her after her shower...

Lexa held up a styrofoam cup and a small paper bag. "Breakfast. You haven't had time to eat. I went down to that little coffee shop you like so much. Tea today, though. I figured you didn't need even more caffeine making you more jittery." She grabbed Clarke's jacket off the wall and held it out to her. "You can eat in the car. We really need to get moving, though."

Clarke almost felt like crying.

Who was she kidding? She definitely felt like crying. She even felt the tears welling up as she looked at her _amazing_ fiancé holding out her favorite tea and presumably her favorite donut from her favorite little shop down the street.

And then she was crying and Lexa was darting forward and struggling between holding Clarke's jacket and tea and donut and wanting to wrap her arms around her. "Oh my god, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Clarke shook her head, trying and failing to wave Lexa off. She instead reached forward, cupping the back of Lexa's neck, and then dropped her head down to rest her forehead on Lexa's shoulder.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, concerned. She nudged Clarke's head with her chin.

"I'm graduating today," Clarke whispered out, voice barely more than a breath.

Lexa chuckled softly, the tenseness that had overcome her at Clarke's crying melting off instantly. "Yeah, baby. You're graduating today."

"And I've been in here spazzing and freaking out. And then you went out and got me breakfast." Clarke sniffled.

"Yes."

"And I love you so, so much," Clarke finished, looking up at Lexa with big, watery doe-eyes.

Lexa smiled softly, pressing a lingering kiss to Clarke's forehead. "I love you too, Clarke. And I'm so proud of you. But..." she trailed off, looking over at the clock hanging on the wall pointedly.

Clarke jerked upright, shaking herself. "Right. We need to go." She looked over at the clock as well. "Shit. We need to go _now_. I'm going to be so late."

Lexa shook her head with a little chuckle. "We'll make it, love. Here." She gave Clarke her jacket (which was tossed on quickly and haphazardly, almost smacking Lexa in the face with a sleeve in the process). Clarke then took the tea and donut from Lexa.

"You're the best."

"I know. Now, are you ready to graduate?" Lexa asked with a huge grin.

* * *

 

"Yes, Raven. I know. Clarke is about to be called." Lexa rolled her eyes at their friend who was practically vibrating in her seat, smacking Lexa's arm excitedly.

Honestly, Lexa was barely holding in her own excitement. She was kind of proud that she was able to hold it in. Of course, the program in her hands was a little wrinkled now (read: twisted and crumbled beyond recognition). But overall, she thought she was holding herself together pretty well.

They had gotten there with time to spare, surprisingly. Clarke was, of course, freaking out the entire ride over. Lexa was almost tempted to pull over a couple of times to make sure that Clarke didn't choke on her breakfast with how spastic she was being.

But they got there, and in one piece. And they had found Octavia, Raven, Izzy, Bellamy, and Abby without incident.

And then Clarke had clung to Lexa's arm, her eyes wide with nervousness as she looked up at her when it was time for them to find their seats and for Clarke to join the processional.

Lexa had excused them and took Clarke aside, hugging her until she stopped shaking and humming encouraging words until she finally stopped disagreeing with her. Because apparently _'I don't deserve this, Lex. What if I trip? What if they realize they made a mistake? What if I get up there and they tell me that it was all a huge misunderstanding and I didn't actually graduate? Maybe my test results came back faulty and they checked them and realized I'm actually completely incompetent.'_

She reassured her that she _was not_ incompetent in the least. That she was one of the smartest people Lexa had ever met. That she was proud of her, and she deserved her doctorate, and she was going to be an amazing pediatric surgeon... But only _after_ she walked across that stage and accepted her degree when her name was called.

Clarke finally nodded, taking a deep breath and stepping back from Lexa. She had smiled up at her and thanked her and kissed her sweetly. And then she was gone, joining her classmates as they all eagerly awaited their turn to be called up.

The ceremony was, of course, dull. There were speeches that went on far too long, the president of the school spoke in his monotone, dragging voice. The heads of each hospital that was partnered with the school even said a little something to their students.

And then the students started being called. The _doctors_ started being called.

And Lexa had never thought the letter 'G' was that far from the beginning of the alphabet before, but she was suddenly realizing how _ridiculously_ long it took to get to it. Especially the 'Gr' names. Because apparently there were too many 'Ga's and 'Ge's and everything else in between. _For the love of all that's holy, who has a silent 'G' at the beginning of their name?_ She thought with no small amount of frustration.

And then finally, _finally_ , Clarke was called up.

She could barely see Clarke in her seat, but she definitely noticed her taking a huge breath before standing up before walking past all the now empty seats in front of her as the announcer spoke of her accomplishments as a med student. (She also noticed the blush on Clarke's face by the time she got to the stage, but she would only _maybe_ mention that to her later. Maybe.)

Before Clarke could even get her hand firmly on her degree, Raven stood up with a loud cheer. Followed quickly by the rest of their group, all whooping and hollering and clapping, even if they got glared at and were warned previously that all applause would be held until the end.

Because, _damnit_ , that was Doctor Clarke Griffin up there getting her degree that she worked _so fucking hard_ on. She was going to get applauded, and not just with everyone else.

Clarke looked over to them from the stage, rolling her eyes. But her smile - the smile that Lexa couldn't imagine living a day without; the smile that lit up her nights and brightened her days and made everything okay - gave away how ridiculously happy she was.

And when Raven leaned over and elbowed Lexa, mocking her for the tears streaming down past her own gigantic smile, Lexa only shrugged. Because that was her fiancé up there. Her fiancé that had worked her ass off for the past eight years so she could get the degree that was now clenched in her hand as she made her way back to her seat with the rest of the officially graduated doctors. And she was so, _so_ proud of her.

Which is why no one could blame her when she darted off once the ceremony was over. And also why no one said a word as Clarke and Lexa both ran to each other, launching into each other's arms as soon as they were close enough to do that. Or when they both started crying ridiculously happy tears, clinging to each other.

Or even when Lexa picked Clarke up off her feet and spun her around.

(Pictures may have been taken, and Lexa may have demanded copies be texted to her immediately. And she may have made one of them her lock screen so she could show it off to anyone she talked to at a moment's notice. But who could blame her for that?)

Abby may have said something when Lexa refused to let go of Clarke so the rest of them could give her hugs of their own. To which Clarke only chuckled and disentangled from Lexa (though she still clung to her hand as if it was a lifeline), offering out her free arm to give hugs to all those that had come to see her graduate.

And then Abby was off to let the young celebrate as they may, and Bellamy took Izzy because she was just a little _too_ young for what they had in mind and he was just a little too old (in spirit) to appreciate a night out when he had to teach at the local high school the next day.

Lexa didn't even stumble when Clarke excitedly jumped on her back for a piggyback to the car. She just grabbed her legs and welcomed the kiss to her cheek as Clarke laughed giddily.

Maybe Raven and Octavia rolled their eyes at them acting like children. But that didn't stop Raven from demanding a piggyback of her own from Octavia (who told her no because she had been sitting for so long that it was good for her leg to walk around a bit... _obviously_ ).

Clarke clung to Lexa, face buried in Lexa's neck as she trembled with her excitement. Lexa rubbed soothing circles on Clarke's thighs with her thumbs as she carried her, not bothering to try to get Clarke to talk at the moment. She knew that her fiancé was just too happy to articulate anything meaningful or complete at the moment.

And that was okay.

Because she was now _Doctor_ Clarke Griffin, and she had worked so hard to get to this exact moment when she could actually introduce herself as such. (Which Clarke may not have done to everyone they interacted with that night, but Lexa sure as hell did. Because her _fiancé_ was a _doctor_ and deserved to be acknowledged for that).

Clarke got more and more welcoming of the attention as the night wore on, and didn't even try to explain off Lexa's adamant refusal to accept anyone calling Clarke anything but _Doctor_ after her third drink. Which Lexa was more than okay with because everyone in that bar needed to know what Clarke had accomplished, and she'd make sure that they all did before the night was over.

Clarke laughed when Lexa drunkenly told her that.

And Lexa just smiled goofily, thankful somewhere in the back of her mind that Octavia had opted to remain sober so she could get them all home safely that night. Because Lexa was definitely _not_ driving in her state.

And she definitely wasn't driving after Clarke handed her drink after drink, making sure that they stayed even because they _both_ had to go through all of that together, and they _both_ deserved a night full of drinks and fun and no worry at all.

The next morning, that wasn't as appreciated. But for the night, they let loose and had fun and were living in the moment. They celebrated and cheered and gave speeches and drank and danced and partied like they were all freshman in college again.

The bar closed at four, and they stumbled out of the doors with laughter and excitement.

Clarke and Lexa leaned on each other, which in hindsight probably wasn't the best idea as neither of them could really support their own weight, much less their finance's on top of that. But they tried because they had yet to let go of each other and they refused to do so before absolutely necessary.

And Octavia had to coax them out of the car and carefully lead them up to their apartment, the couple giggling behind her the whole way, whispering words of love and happiness and promises of a future together. (While Raven stayed in the car, snoring loudly, and dead to the world.)

Octavia deposited them in their room, dropping off a couple bottles of waters and pills, and then turned quickly, promising to call to check on them tomorrow, but refusing to be witness to whatever they were going to get up to that night by staying any longer.

Which was nothing, as their exhaustion had caught up to them and they barely had the energy to get out of their clothes from the day and fall into their bed in their underwear before they started dozing off, tangled up together.

"Remind me," Lexa said around a yawn, her words slurring together. She knew somewhere in her mind that neither of them would probably be able to remember to remind her of anything. "To give me your-- wait... you your gift tomorrow."

Clarke giggled, burying her face in Lexa's hair as she curled up into her side. "Me your gift, got it."

"No," Lexa said, brow scrunched as she tried to figure out why that wasn't right. "You your gift. I got you a present."

Clarke sat up quickly, and then started wobbling promptly where she sat. "Whoa. The room is kinda spinny."

"Lay back down," Lexa whined, tugging on Clarke's arm until Clarke fell back down beside her. "Good," she hummed happily, wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist.

"You got me a present?" Clarke asked, squirming in Lexa's arms.

Lexa huffed. "Hold still. Sleep time."

"Present time."

" _Sleep_."

" _Present_."

Lexa glared at Clarke (as best as she could in her drunken haze).

"Please?" Clarke asked with a huge, childlike and begging smile.

Lexa groaned. "I don't remember where I hid it," she pouted, looking around the room to try to remember where she had put the damn thing. If her head would work like it usually did, she was sure she could find it within a matter of moments. As it was, though...

"Search party!" Clarke cheered excitedly, trying to sit up again. Lexa held her as firmly as she could.

" _Tomorrow_ ," Lexa whined.

Clarke huffed and relaxed in Lexa's arms. "You're lucky you're cute."

"Mhm," Lexa hummed. "Sleep now?"

Surprisingly, Clarke didn't argue anymore, even in her drunken state. Instead, she rolled over, pulling Lexa's arm over her so she was spooning Clarke's back, and snuggled into Lexa's hold. "Sleep time."

* * *

 

Clarke groaned, holding her pillow over her eyes.

One would think that, with her being a doctor now, she would have known better than to go out and get drunk. Very, very drunk. But Lexa had been matching her pace, and Raven was cheering her on, and everyone was so happy and having so much fun.

Her pounding headache was now the only one having fun, squeezing her brain to it's heart's content.

"Damn," she grumbled.

Lexa chuckled beside her, tugging softly on the pillow to get Clarke to let go of it.

Clarke glared up at her fiancé, scowl firmly in place. "How are you living right now?"

"Coffee. Water. Pills." She pointed to Clarke's bedside table. "There's some for you, too."

Clarke moaned thankfully and rolled over to grab at her bottle of water and down the pills. She quickly swapped the water for the mug of coffee, holding it tightly between her hands. " _God_ I love you," she moaned after the first sip.

"Most people just call me Lexa," Lexa teased. She leaned back against their headboard, watching Clarke patiently.

Clarke eyed her out of the corner of her eye. "Why are you staring at me?"

Lexa shrugged. "Do I have to have a reason to stare at my gorgeous fiancé?"

Still eying her suspiciously, Clarke hummed. "No. But you look like you're up to something. And I can tell you now that I'm probably not up for anything more than lounging around trying to get rid of this headache."

"I have breakfast ready in the dining room whenever you're ready to stop _lounging around_." Lexa raised her brows expectantly.

And Clarke didn't disappoint. "Well why didn't you say so? Greasy food, here I come." She swung her legs over the side of the bed, careful to keep her coffee from spilling, and stood.

Which is when she promptly toppled back onto the bed, landing with a soft "oomph,"

Lexa chuckled, coming around Clarke's side of the bed to help her up. "How about we move a bit slower this morning?"

"That's probably a good idea," Clarke agreed, smiling up at her sheepishly. She let Lexa help her to her feet, and didn't protest the supporting arm around her waist as they made their way down the hall to the dining room.

Where Lexa had laid out what amounted to a feast from the hangover gods.

"You are my absolute favorite person on the face of this earth, you know that?" Clarke asked, plopping down in her seat and breathing in deeply to smell all the food in front of her. "I _really_ love you."

Lexa laughed, sitting down across from her. "Just wait until you see your gift."

Clarke was in the process of pulling some bacon and pancakes onto her plate when she froze. "Excuse me?"

"Your gift," Lexa repeated.

"My gift."

Lexa just nodded, pulling some food onto her own plate calmly.

"I thought I told you not to get me anything. We're spending enough on the wedding as it is."

"Clarke," Lexa said, looking up at her flatly. "You can't honestly have expected me to let you _graduating_ from _med school_ pass without getting you a present."

"You said you wouldn't get me anything."

"I agreed that we were spending enough on the wedding. I never said I wasn't going to get you a gift."

" _Lexa_ ," Clarke whined dramatically.

Lexa quirked a brow. "Are you saying you don't want it? Because I could probably return it if you really wanted me to. You may regret it later, though."

Clarke chewed on her lip in thought, playing with the food on her plate. "What is it?" she asked quietly. Both of them knew she was going to give in eventually. Because Clarke loved presents, and a present from Lexa was even better than one from anyone else. And she couldn't turn that away.

"That's what I thought," Lexa said smugly, starting to eat her breakfast.

"So you aren't even going to tell me what you got me?"

Lexa shook her head, swallowing her food before speaking. "Of course not. It's a surprise."

"When do I get it?"

"After you finish eating," Lexa said pointedly, looking down at the food on Clarke's plate which she had surprisingly not eaten any of.

Clarke smiled sheepishly and dug into her food happily. Because Lexa's breakfasts were the best, and she'd be a fool to pass up on this feast.

It didn't take them long to finish and clean up the dishes, Clarke putting the leftovers in the fridge before turning on Lexa abruptly. "So, my present?" she asked expectantly.

Lexa rolled her eyes with a little grin. "Go sit on the couch. I'll bring it out to you."

Clarke calmly (totally not calmly - she ran) walked to the couch and sat down (bounced down. Because it's Clarke, and Lexa had bought her a present and she was _excited_ about it).

Which is where Lexa found her moments later when she came into the room with a small wrapped box in her hands. She held it out to Clarke as she sat down beside her.

"Can I open it?" Clarke asked excitedly.

Lexa laughed. "Of course you can open it."

So Clarke did. She tore the paper off without reservation, pulling the box open to reveal...

A mug.

She pulled it out to look more closely at it. And then she smiled. Because it was _cute_.

It was simple. Just a white mug. And it had the words "Cute enough to stop your heart... Smart enough to restart it" scrawled on it in a loopy font.

"Thanks, babe," Clarke said, leaning over and kissing Lexa sweetly. "This is adorable."

"And you didn't even notice the best part," Lexa said cryptically.

Clarke looked at her with confusion, before looking back down at the now empty box in her lap. She hadn't missed anything in it. There was only room for the mug.

Lexa chuckled. "In the mug, love."

"Oh," Clarke said with a little laugh. She looked in the mug and pulled out a dog collar. She looked between it and Lexa for a few silent moments before quirking her brow. "I know I said we could try new things, but this may be--"

Lexa laughed and shoved her lightly. "Not for _that_."

"This is way too big for Norman."

"I know."

"I'm not wearing this, Lexa."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Would you just shut up and go get ready to head out? We have somewhere to be. Someone's waiting on us."

"Somewhere to..." Clarke looked back down at the collar, and it all seemed to fall into place. Her jaw dropped, and she stared up at Lexa wide eyed. "You didn't."

"I did."

"But I thought you wanted to wait--"

"For you to graduate. I knew we wouldn't be able to balance getting a puppy with you still in school. If you think we should wait a little long--"

Clarke launched into Lexa's arms, flinging her own around Lexa's shoulders and tackling her to the couch. Lexa fell back with a laugh, wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist.

"So you like it?"

* * *

 

A young German Shepherd was waiting for them at the pound.

He started barking excitedly at the sight of Lexa, pacing in his kennel and tail wagging.

"You've been here before?" Clarke asked, kneeling down in front of the kennel.

Lexa nodded, reaching through the front cage to let the dog sniff at her fingers happily. "Twice a week for the past month. I had to pay for his adoption fees before someone else tried to adopt him, but they let me keep him here until it was time to take him home as long as I came to visit him."

Clarke smiled softly as she watched the dog lick Lexa's fingers. "He seems to like you."

"Well I'd hope so. Do you want to meet him?" Lexa asked, helping Clarke back up to her feet so she could open the cage up.

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, taking a step back so she wasn't in the way.

The dog lunged out of the kennel once it was opened, into Lexa's awaiting arms. Lexa stood up with him in her arms, seemingly not bothered at all as he started licking at her face. "Clarke, meet Gus. Gus," she said sternly, the pup stopping his licking and looking at her curiously. She turned him in her arms so he was facing Clarke. "Meet Clarke."

Gus yipped at Clarke, squirming in Lexa's arms as Clarke reached forward. He had no problem unleashing the same attention on Clarke as he had Lexa.

"He likes you," Lexa laughed, watching as Clarke fell into a fit of giggles with Gus lapping at any part of her that he could reach.

"He's perfect, Lex. How old is he?"

Lexa reached out and ran her fingers through Gus' fur. "Just a few months now. His mom came to the pound pregnant. The rest of his litter's been adopted, but he was the runt. No one wanted him."

Clarke cooed down at Gus, pressing her face into his fur happily. "How could anyone not want this little guy?"

"I thought you'd say that." Lexa smiled softly at her. "Ready to take him home? I'm sure he'll be happy to get out of this place."

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, refusing to put Gus down and leash him when she was perfectly capable of carrying him out to the car ("But _he's_ perfectly capable of walking on his own, Clarke"), where she finally let Lexa put his new collar on him and allowed him to be leashed so she could keep a better hold on him while they drove home.

Which is when they found out that all of his house training was for naught when he was excited.

* * *

 

Norman, unlike Clarke, did not take to Gus right away. He actually shied away from the pup as much as possible, even when he was still in his little cage and Clarke or Lexa was holding the pup away from him.

But he slowly warmed up to the idea of sharing the house with another animal. And he started letting Clarke hold him while Gus was running around her feet and yapping excitedly.

He, course, refused to be put down anywhere near the pup, though.

Lexa loved taking Gus out for runs in the morning. They both knew his breed needed plenty of exercise, and she was more than willing to take him out daily so he could get that. (The next time Lexa was sick and Clarke had to take him out was a different story. Clarke _did not_ run.)

And Gus learned how to settle down pretty quickly, becoming content with just laying with Clarke and Lexa on the couch when they were sitting there. They were sure he wouldn't always fit up on the couch with them, so neither was willing to let the time while he was small enough go to waste.

Izzy loved him. And he loved Izzy. They _may_ have managed to break the coffee table the first time Izzy came over after Clarke and Lexa got Gus. But that was replaceable, and everyone was okay, so it was alright. (Their bank account didn't agree, but what's money in the long run?)

They were a little family. And they were happy with their excitable puppy and their grumpy hedgehog.

Now they just needed to make their home officially the Griffin-Woods household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I am so sorry about my absence of regular updates for you guys. You’d think that posting after it’s all written would be easy, but then there’s editing and fine tuning and blah blah blah. So there’s my excuse along with the ever eventful and demanding life of a twenty-something year old in the middle of her quarter life crisis that is trying to balance work, her dog, her family, and writing some. 
> 
> Side note, who’s excited for Gus??? I love him and I hope you all will too. He’s a great addition to the family for them. And Norman now has a “little” brother. 
> 
> I’m going to try to update before I leave for a little trip later this week. No promises, but do know that I’m hoping to. If that happens, it’ll probably be Tuesday. But we’ll see. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this. I know I’m slacking on updates, but I am trying for you guys. You’re all awesome and I truly appreciate each and every one of you. 
> 
> Your comments and Kudos are everything. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv to yell at me to update if you want.


	62. I Want to See Your Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting up, Mother-of-(one of the)-bride(s), and a bit of R&R.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a chapter!! Not super long, but a chapter nonetheless. Enjoy!

"Your mother is a tad..."

"Intense?"

"That's a word for it."

Clarke chuckled at Lexa's scrunched up face, as they both watched Abby take over the decorations for the wedding. It was a bit... intimidating, if she was honest. Abby was a whirlwind of flailing arms and angry directions, pointing people from here to there and back again to do exactly what she thought was best.

Lexa and Clarke had both opted to stay on the sidelines for the time being.

The nice florist that had promised to provide all the set up was getting more and more flustered by the moment, trying his best to stand his ground against a determined and stubborn Abby Griffin.

Clarke knew he probably wouldn't last long.

Which is why, with a deep sigh, she decided she needed to intervene. At this rate, her surprise for Lexa was going to be outed before she was ready for it to be. Which would be a complete disaster in her opinion. It was the one thing she really, _really_ wanted to go right on their wedding day.

And as it was still the day before their wedding day (she was getting married in less than _twenty-four hours_ ), it was not the time for that secret to be revealed.

So, with her deep breath gathered and her strength mustered, she stepped forward, away from Lexa who still looked beyond startled by Abby's approach to things, and walked to her mother.

"Mom."

"No, those don't go there. They go over there. _How_ many times do I have to tell you that? Is this your first time working for a wedding? Or are you completely incompetent?"

"Mom!" Clarke yelled, angry on behalf of the poor young guy her mother had moved on to who was just doing what his boss told him to do. "That is _enough_ ," she growled out.

Abby turned to her, startled. And then her expression turned into a pleased little smile. "Are you happy with how it's going so far? Everything's coming along nicely and should be set up before we leave this evening for the rehearsal dinner. We'd be done even sooner if _these people_ would learn how to listen to--"

"Mother. Stop it." Clarke was done. She was stressed enough without having to be a filter for her mother when it came to these poor people who were just trying to do their jobs. And they were doing _fine_ before Abby showed up. In fact, the whole place was nearly set up before Clarke's mother made an appearance. And then the whole thing had to be done over because apparently it really wasn't done just right and the feeling wasn't what she was going for.

"What's wrong, honey?" Abby asked, her voice much softer than it was previously.

"You're being insane. The set up was fine before. And now you're terrorizing these people that are just doing what they were told to do."

"I'm not terrorizing them. And _fine_ isn't good enough. It needs to be perfect for you. I demand perfection for tomorrow."

Clarke ground her teeth. "Well, you know what? I hope it rains. Absolutely downpours. Floods the room and makes it impossible for anything to sit on the floor. And I hope the flowers wilt and the mic doesn't work and the preacher doesn't show up on time and the caterer forgets half the food and the cake gets dropped on the floor. _That's_ what I hope." She breathed heavily through her teeth, absolutely seething. Her mother was making the best day of her life into the most annoying, and she. was. done.

"Clarke, you don't mean tha--"

"Yes! Yes, I really do mean that! Because you know what?" Clarke pointed behind her to where Lexa was watching the exchange, clearly debating between whether she needed to come to her fiancé's aid. " _She_ is the only thing I care about concerning tomorrow! That's it! Just her. Just her and walking down the aisle to her and saying that I will live the rest of my life with her and love her with everything in me. That is _all_ that matters tomorrow." She waved her hands around at the chaos that was surrounding them. " _None of this_ matters. The sky could fall, and the heavens could rain fire down around us. I. Don't. Care. As long as, at the end of the day, I get to call that woman my wife. Do you get that, Mother?"

Abby stared at her, slack-jawed. Almost as if she didn't even recognize her anymore. But Clarke didn't care. This had gone on for far too long. And she was through.

"And you know what else?" Clarke yelled. She felt a gentle hand press into her lower back and knew Lexa had joined her. "You're _not_ staying over tonight. Because I don't think I even want to be in the same building as you, much less the same apartment. So, no. I'll pay for a hotel or something if you don't want to drive all the way home just to come back tomorrow. But you're not staying with us."

She threw her hands up with a groan and turned from her mom, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes in frustration. Lexa's arm wrapped around her stomach as she continued to watch Abby.

And then there was silence. Pure, lovely, _amazing_ silence. Because apparently everyone in the room was distracted by Clarke's outburst and had frozen in their spots.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to help. I'll go now." Abby's voice was low, and if Clarke didn't know better, she would have thought she heard a hint of tears. But Abby Griffin didn't cry - especially not because of her daughter getting angry.

Lexa's hand gripped at Clarke's side gently, coaxing her into movement.

Clarke let her arms fall and called out to her mom. "Wait. Let me get some cash for you."

"No need. I'm perfectly capable of paying for a hotel room. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight." And then Abby grabbed her purse and whisked out of the ceremony hall before anyone could say anything else.

The workers all started shuffling around timidly, none of them seeming to know exactly what was expected of them now. Finally, one of them seemed to be nominated to sacrifice herself.

"Uhm... Miss Griffin?" The young woman asked hesitantly. She inched closer to Clarke and Lexa, but still kept quite a distance between them.

Clarke hummed in response, looking at the door her mom had just left through.

"Would you--" she looked over her shoulder at her coworkers who were all egging her on. "Would you like us to keep going as she directed or..." she trailed off, uncertain.

"Do what you think is best," Lexa said, cutting in and saving Clarke from having to make a decision. "Don't scrap everything you've done now, but you can move closer to the original plan if that's feasible. Whatever's best," she repeated. She was watching Clarke intently, not taking her eyes off of her even to speak to the worker.

The woman nodded and turned away to go relay the message to her coworkers.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked quietly, her arm still wrapped around Clarke's stomach, the two facing different directions.

Another hum in response.

"Are you alright, love?"

"I just basically told my mom to buzz off. Do you think I'm alright?"

Lexa wrapped her other arm across Clarke's back, and clasped her hands together against Clarke's side. "She needed to be cowed."

"Maybe not so harshly."

"Maybe not." Lexa remained calm beside Clarke, not pressuring her or arguing with her. Just letting her calm down.

"Should I go after her?" Clarke asked, her shoulders drooping in defeat.

Lexa looked over at the doors, half expecting to see Abby waiting in the foyer. Of course, she didn't. Clarke had been watching out for her, too. "Give her some time to cool down. I think you may need the same."

Clarke nodded, chewing on her lip.

Lexa pressed a kiss to the side of Clarke's head, lingering there for a moment. "Why don't we get you home. Maybe take a shower."

"While that sounds like a great idea, don't we need to stay here to watch over all this?" Clarke gestured to the people working around her, all back to their assigned tasks after the dramatic display.

"No," Lexa said with a shake of her head and a little sad smile. "I'll come back by before the rehearsal dinner to check on everything."

Clarke held onto Lexa's arm and pressed it more firmly into her stomach. "You shouldn't have to do that."

"It's my wedding too, love. I can take care of that while you're getting ready for the dinner. It's not a problem."

Clarke nodded slowly, still hesitant. And she'd be lying if she said she wasn't feeling guilty about her outburst. But seeing her mother being so _rude_ to these people... it just set her off.

"Okay," she finally agreed.

"Alright. Let's get you home."

* * *

 

Gus greeted them happily at the door, tail wagging excitedly.

Clarke just walked by him to go straight to the couch. She needed to sit down for a while. Of that at least she was certain.

She felt horrible. She had totally erupted on her mother, who really was just trying to help. And sure, maybe Abby had gone about it in the wrong way, and yeah, she needed to be stopped. But Clarke had lost her head. She'd been so angry and so frustrated and so _tired_ of it all. And Abby took the brunt of it.

She needed to call her.

Lexa had taken her phone from her in the car, though. Which was probably a good idea at the time because Clarke was just riling herself up again and she probably would have just exploded again. If Abby would have even answered.

If she would answer her now.

But she had to at least try.

"Lex?" she called back to their bedroom. Lexa had gone back to lay out their outfits for the evening, being the amazing, doting fiancé that she was. (Really, they had _hours_ and didn't need to be _that_ well prepared. But Lexa was Lexa and she didn't want to leave anything for Clarke to have to worry about.)

Lexa came back out of the hall, Gus trailing her. Even he seemed subdued.

"Yes, love?" Lexa asked, stopping to stand by the couch.

"Can I have my phone back?"

Lexa looked her over. "Do you think you're ready to call her and talk to her calmly?"

Clarke nodded. "I'm okay. But I need to talk to her. She's probably stewing away at whatever hotel she chose, and it's just going to get worse if I don't call."

"Are you going to apologize?"

"Not for stopping her. But for getting so angry, yes."

Lexa nodded, pulling Clarke's phone out of her pocket and handing it over. "Do you want me to stay out here with you?" She patted the couch and Gus hopped up, laying on his side with his head in Clarke's lap. Clarke smiled down at him and ran her fingers through his fur. He was incredibly well tuned to their emotions and what they needed for such a young pup.

"I'll be alright. Gus will keep me company."

"Alright. I'll be just down the hall. Call me if you need me." And then she walked away, leaving Clarke to call her mother.

Clarke sighed and looked down at Gus who was looking up at her with his big, brown eyes. "I was a royal jerk today, you know, buddy?" She, of course, didn't actually get a response more than a little huff through his nose as he got a little more comfortable. But it was enough, and she pulled up her mom's contact information and hit dial before she chickened out.

By the third ring, she really assumed her mom wasn't going to answer. Which was fine. She could just leave a message. That may be better anyway. At least then they wouldn't get into an argument and be at--

" _Hello?_ " Abby's tone was short and gruff, and Clarke knew she had probably argued with herself over answering before finally picking up. Reluctantly and spitefully.

Clarke sighed, her shoulders drooping. "Hey, Mom."

" _Clarke_."

Clarke chewed on her lip. Abby clearly wasn't going to make this any easier for her. But fine. If it was going to be like that, Clarke could woman up and take the blow. She totally had this under control (even if her anger was boiling in her blood at Abby's stubbornness). "Where are you?"

" _In my hotel room._ " The amount of attitude in that one sentence was almost cringe worthy.

"We need to talk."

" _I heard you perfectly clearly before._ "

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "I'm pretty sure everyone in that room heard me perfectly clearly."

" _Probably._ "

This was going to be even more frustrating than she originally thought. "Alright, Mom. Look. I'm not sorry for stopping you."

" _Noted._ "

"Would you stop for just _one second_ with the attitude and just _listen_ for once in your life?" That was met with silence. She took a deep, calming breath. "Thank you. Now, like I said, I won't apologize for stopping you. You were getting out of hand and being incredibly rude to the people we hired to help us with the wedding. And that wasn't fair. _But_ , I will apologize for snapping at you like that. It was wrong of me, and I shouldn't have gotten so frustrated."

" _Fine. You're forgiven. Is that all?_ "

Clarke couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes then. Because her mother seemed anything but pleased with the outcome of their conversation, and Clarke wasn't very pleased with it either. "No, that's not all. I really need you to understand that you overstepped today. And kind of have been for a while. I love you, and I appreciate your help and opinion so much, but there comes a time when you need to just take a step back and let things be how they are."

Silence.

A frustrating, arguably (seemingly) ever-lasting silence in which Clarke wanted to pull her hair out.

And then finally she heard her mother sigh. " _I know._ "

"You know?" Clarke asked, a little surprised.

" _Yeah, I know. I'm a bit overbearing sometimes. I get it. But, Clarke, I just wanted to make tomorrow perfect for you._ "

Clarke smiled a little. "Which is so nice of you. But it'll be perfect as long as I'm married to Lexa at the end of it. I don't need all of the extravagance or the tradition or the extra frills. I could honestly go to a courthouse to marry her and be completely content."

Abby laughed a little at that. " _You sound so much like your father._ "

And Clarke knew she was actually forgiven then. "Yeah?"

" _Oh yeah. He was just as blasé about our wedding. Said he just wanted to get married and he didn't care how it happened as long as it was to me. I swear, he dragged me kicking and screaming out of the reception hall while they were setting up._ "

Clarke laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like Dad."

They fell into silence again, this time much more comfortable. Clarke chewed on her lip, wondering if she should offer to let her mom come stay with them again. But she _had_ already payed for the hotel room.

" _I'm sorry, Clarke. I overstepped._ "

"Just a little," Clarke said with a small laugh. "But it's alright now. Everything's moving forward."

" _That's good to hear. Can I..._ " she seemed to hesitate over whatever she was going to ask. " _Can I still come to the dinner tonight?_ "

Clarke jerked back in surprise, startling Gus on her lap. "Sorry, buddy," she whispered to him, scratching at his head apologetically. "Of course you can still come, Mom. I thought you would know that."

" _I wasn't sure with how we ended things earlier if you'd still want me there._ "

"I absolutely still want you there. It's the _rehearsal_ dinner. Meaning all parts of the wedding party should be in attendance."

" _You never know with kids these days. Wanting to stray from the traditional_ ," she said teasingly, her smile evident in her voice.

Clarke chuckled. "I think we can keep to some traditions."

Abby hummed. " _That's good to know. I thought you were really trying to give your old mom a heart attack with how much you were throwing out the window. There isn't a chance that I could convince you to--_ "

"No, Mom. I'm not leaving the apartment for the night."

" _But I have this lovely hotel room that you can come stay in if you want to._ "

Clarke laughed. "No, that's alright. I'll be fine in my own bed."

Abby sighed dramatically. " _Alright, stubborn daughter of mine._ "

"Alright, stubborn mother of mine," Clarke challenged.

" _Touché_ ," Abby laughed out. " _I love you, Clarke. And I am so proud of you. You know that, right?_ "

Clarke smiled softly. "Yeah, Mom. I know. I love you, too."

" _Okay. I'll let you get back to your fiancé now. See you tonight?_ "

"See you tonight." Clarke hung up her phone with a smile, pleasantly surprised with how their conversation had gone. She nudged Gus off of her lap and stood to go find Lexa. "Lex baby, where are you?" she called out.

"In here!" Lexa shouted, her voice echoing against the walls of the bathroom.

Clarke made her way there, leaning on the doorframe when she got there to watch her fiancé flutter about the room. "What are you doing?"

"Bath," Lexa said simply, pulling things out of the cupboard and placing them on the counter.

"And massage oils, candles and bath salts are definitely necessary for that? What happened to a shower?"

Lexa shrugged, leaning over the tub to turn on the tap. "I thought a bath was a better idea. We have the time."

"We?" Clarke asked, brow quirked in interest. She could _definitely_ support a bath with Lexa.

"Yep," Lexa said happily, testing the water to make sure it was warm enough before standing up to face Clarke. "Massage first or bath first?"

Clarke hummed in thought, looking over the array of supplies Lexa had gathered for their afternoon. "I'm thinking massage. Wouldn't want to have all that oil covering us when we go to the dinner tonight."

"I was thinking a shower after, but if you'd rather the massage first..."

"So a bath, then a massage, then a shower? That seems kind of overzealous. Do we have enough time for all of that?"

"As long as someone doesn't get too handsy, we should be fine," Lexa said teasingly.

"You're speaking about yourself, right? Because the last time we took a bath together, I remember a certain someone not being able to keep her hands to herself." She left it at that, knowing Lexa knew exactly what she was referring to.

Lexa shrugged innocently. "Well, can you really blame me? Have you seen yourself?"

Clarke laughed, walking into the bathroom to give Lexa a quick kiss. "Let's do it your way, then. See how late we can be without getting a call from someone."

"I think I like this challenge."

Clarke chuckled lightly, leaning into Lexa and wrapping her arms around her fiancé's neck. "I'm sure you do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I’m getting worse and worse at updating. But here’s an update for you all! I’ve decided I’ll stop predicting when I will update again because I never actually do by said predicted time. So now it’s a guessing game for all of us. Good luck!!
> 
> Next update is a big one. So keep an eye out for that. 
> 
> Comments, Kudos, and requests are always loved. Find me on tumblr and yell at me to update @musiclurv


	63. You Look So Wonderful in Your Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is!!!

She was trying to remember to breathe properly. She really was. Lexa had helped her with calming down her anxiety, and they'd worked on breathing and working through it.

It clearly wasn't working right now.

"Clarke, you need to breathe."

Clarke shot a glare at Raven. As if she didn't _know_ that she needed to breathe. Knowing that isn't the problem. She clearly knew very well that she needed to breathe. It was the actual act of doing so that was the problem.

"We may have to reevaluate our plan of attack here," Raven mumbled to Octavia who was standing beside her as they watched over Clarke. Abby was out fluttering about somewhere in the building, and Lexa was, of course, in her own dressing room getting ready.

And there was no reason for Clarke to be anxious right now. Yes, she was about to get married. And yes, this was the day the past six years have led up to. And she was planning on spending the rest of her life with the woman she was going to marry today. But it wasn't an issue. She loved Lexa. She loved living with her. She loved doing life with her.

Getting married was just making it legally official.

Not much would actually change from their day to day lives other than their last names. And she was _so_ ready to marry Lexa.

So why couldn't she breathe?

After some mumbling back and forth that Clarke very easily ignored, Raven nodded to Octavia and Octavia left the room. _That_ Clarke noticed.

"Where's she going?" she gasped out. She wrapped her arms around her folded knees, pulling her legs against her chest. Maybe sitting on the floor wasn't the most dignified position that a soon to be married woman should find herself in. But it was the closest thing when breathing started to become hard and the room started to spin and she _needed_ to sit down immediately. Thus, the floor.

Raven brushed off Clarke's question, sitting down beside her best friend. She leaned lightly against Clarke's arm, offering comfort without crowding her. "To get some help. Don't worry."

"Too late," Clarke said between gasping breaths. Wasn't breathing supposed to be a natural thing? Something she didn't even need to think about? _What the heck?_

"Why are you worrying?"

Clarke shot her a glare before looking back down to the floor. That didn't deserve an answer. She couldn't find the strength to pull together a full sentence out loud anyway.

Raven just hummed, leaning back against the wall and sitting quietly with Clarke as Clarke continued to have her breakdown.

Which was ridiculous. Because this was the best day of her life, and at this rate she wasn't even going to live long enough to walk down the aisle if she couldn't get air in her damn lungs.

Raven stood up at the sound of a soft knock on the door, walking over quickly to pull it slightly open. Clarke, on the other hand, remained on the floor, staring directly at the little stain on the carpet in front of her because that was the only thing she could really focus on without making breathing even more difficult than it already was.

And then an hand pressed into her shoulder, slowly sliding back to rest on the back of her neck, and the cool hand against her overheating and flushed skin felt so good she shivered.

"Clarke?"

Clarke shook her head, curling more in on herself. Because, _of course_ , Octavia and Raven went for the one person that was really good at calming her down when she was like this. But bringing Lexa here when Lexa was a known worrier and over thinker was probably the worst idea. Because now Lexa was probably going to think that this had to actually do with _her_ and the idea of marrying _her_ , and that was the furthest thing from the truth and Clarke's breathing was becoming even more erratic at the thought of it.

Damn every single part of this situation.

"Clarke," Lexa said again, closer this time. Her breath ghosted over the side of Clarke's face and Clarke buried her face in her knees because the _last_ thing she wanted was for Lexa to worry about her on this day - on _their_ _wedding day_.

And then Lexa's hand was gone from her neck and Clarke felt the loss immediately. But she didn't have long to mourn it before Lexa's hands were pressing into Clarke's bare knees and her fingers were tracing the little bit of Clarke's forehead that was poking up above them.

"Clarke, look at me."

Clarke shook her head as best she could, and her breath gasped out of her and sounded wetter and, _god_ , she was crying now. Fantastic.

Lexa's hand lifted from her knee and pushed softly through Clarke's hair, her fingers carding through it coaxingly. "Clarke, I really need to you pick your head up. Just for a second for me, alright? Let me see those beautiful blue eyes of yours, yeah?"

She cupped Clarke's jaw, applying the slightest pressure and support for Clarke to lift her head that felt _so heavy_.

"There you are, baby," Lexa said quietly, smile so soft and so loving that Clarke couldn't even fully comprehend it. "Can I take your hand?"

Clarke nodded jerkily, her breathing still coming out in ragged breaths. Lexa's thumb ran over her cheek, brushing the tears that had fallen (and were still falling) away. She pulled her hand that was brushing through Clarke's hair away and held Clarke's hand, tugging it softly away from where it was gripping to Clarke's leg. She pulled both of their hands to Lexa's chest, resting Clarke's flat against her heart.

"Do you feel that, love? Do you think you can breathe with me?"

"Can't--" Clarke tried, her own gasp for breath cutting her off.

Lexa smiled reassuringly at her. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Clarke's. "Yeah you can. I know you can. Let's try, alright?"

Clarke gave some kind of jerk that must have told Lexa she'd try, even when she wasn't feeling very confident in her own abilities at the moment. Because she'd been struggling for breath for what felt like hours and _clearly_ her trying to calm her breathing hadn't worked.

But Lexa knew her better than Clarke knew herself apparently, because a few minutes later Clarke already felt like she was getting more air into her body than she was previously. And Lexa was leaning into her, eyes closed, breathing calmly and deeply, her breath ghosting over Clarke's lips on every exhale. Clarke's eyes drifted closed as well, her tense muscles relaxing slowly.

Lexa bumped her nose against Clarke's minutes later, and Clarke opened her eyes to find Lexa's sparkling green staring back at her happily. "Told you you could do it."

"So smug," Clarke said, her voice still breathy and tired with the exertion from the past few minutes.

Lexa shrugged, her hand that was cupping Clarke's jaw pushing back into the hair at the nape of her neck. "Maybe. But I got you to come back."

Clarke could only nod to that, her eyes drifting closed again as she gripped at Lexa's shirt against her palm and unwound her other arm to grip at Lexa's arm.

They sat there silently, Lexa's fingers scratching calmingly at Clarke's scalp, the two of them just soaking up the quiet and peace that surrounded them.

"Mom's going to be so mad," Clarke finally said, earning herself a little chuckle from Lexa.

"I think Abby will understand."

"Do you know my mother?"

Another light laugh, and Lexa pulled away slightly. "You ready to try getting up?" she asked softly, her tone implying that there was no rush.

"I guess I better. We do have people waiting out there for us."

Lexa hummed in agreement. "But they can wait however long you need."

Clarke shook her head. "I'm ready."

Lexa looked her over just a moment longer before climbing to her feet, offering her hands out for Clarke to take so she could help pull her to her feet as well. Her arms wrapped around Clarke's waist before Clarke could even think about moving away.

"We can wait a little longer if you need to."

Clarke shook her head again, wrapping her arms around Lexa and leaning her forehead down on Lexa's shoulder. "No. I'm so ready to marry you, it's kind of ridiculous."

"The panic attack may have implied otherwise," Lexa said with a little chuckle. Her hands traced absentminded patterns up and down Clarke's back.

"It wasn't because I was marrying you."

"I would certainly hope not."

Clarke swatted lightly at Lexa's arm, earning another little chuckle. "I don't really know what brought it on."

"That's alright, too. Do you want to talk it out?"

"I think..." Clarke bit at her lip in thought. "I think I just let my mind start running faster than I could keep up with. I started thinking about you and marrying you, and how excited I am to be marrying you, and walking down the aisle and meeting you there and getting to say my vows to you and hearing you say yours to me. And I was thinking about my mom giving me away and how my dad can't be here and your mom and dad can't be here and how utterly _not fair_ that is and--"

Lexa hushed Clarke as her breathing started to pick up again. She rocked them gently side to side, her arms winding tighter around Clarke's waist. "Alright, love. Take a breath. You don't need to say it all in one breath. Let's not start another attack, okay?"

Clarke nodded against Lexa's shoulder, taking in a deep breath.

"Better?" Lexa asked gently.

"Better."

"Good. So it's about your dad and my parents?"

"I... I think so."

Lexa hummed, leaning the side of her head against Clarke's hair comfortingly. "I miss them," she admitted finally, her voice sounding slightly watery. Clarke's arms instinctively tightened around Lexa. "When I was little, I never really thought about getting married. I never thought that I would because marriage was for boring old people. I didn't really think about it until I was older and marriage was seeming more and more possible. I didn't think about how they wouldn't be here. How they wouldn't be able to see me off and give me away to the woman I loved more than anything else in the world. But the closer we've gotten to this day, the more obvious it's been. I've seen you with your mom and how she's been during this whole thing, and I have to wonder what it would have been like if they were all here. I don't--" she cut herself off and cleared her throat quickly. "I'm honestly just hoping that they'd be proud of me. That if they could see all of this, they'd be proud to call me their daughter."

Clarke pulled back just far enough to press a kiss to Lexa's lips. "I can confirm without any doubt in my mind that they'd be proud of you, Lex. You've grown up into an amazing woman."

Lexa gave her a watery, hesitant smile. "I wish they could all be here too, Clarke."

Clarke pressed another kiss to Lexa's lips. "Do you think they're watching? That somehow they're seeing all of this?"

"I think they've seen all of it. From the moment you stumbled into my library and through every second of our journey."

Clarke hummed, smiling at the thought and scratching at the nape of Lexa's neck. And then she froze, eyes going wide. "Shit."

Lexa tilted her head in silent question.

"That means they've seen _everything_. Lex." She dropped her voice down into a whisper. "Your parents have seen me going down on you."

Lexa stared at her blankly for a moment before bursting out into laughter. "Alright," she conceded. Clarke smiled at her. God, she loved that laugh. "I'm going to go with they haven't seen _everything_. I'd hope they'd have the decency to look away sometimes."

"Should I be concerned about parental supervision from now on? Do I need to ask permission to sleep with you? Or should I ask for forgiveness?"

Lexa laughed again, swatting at Clarke's arm and pushing her away a little. "You're such a nerd."

Clarke shrugged. "A nerd you're about to marry."

"That's true," Lexa admitted, leaning in to get another quick kiss. "Which we need to actually get ready for now, I think."

Clarke looked down at their clothes, holding her arms out to the side. "What, you don't think shorts and an old t-shirt are appropriate wedding clothes?"

"Maybe if we were getting married in a barn."

"Barn weddings are big right now. Maybe we should relocate."

"I think it's a bit late for that, love."

"Wedding road-trip. We can stop at the first barn we find." Clarke smirked and wrapped her arms back around Lexa's shoulders.

Lexa shook her head with a laugh. "You're ridiculous. But I am so ready to marry you already."

"So we can make a ridiculous family with our ridiculous dog and ridiculous hedgehog..."

"And ridiculous kids some day."

Clarke hummed, pressing their lips together once again. "I think I like this idea."

"I think you better know you like this idea. Because it's a little too late to back out now."

"Never too late," Clarke teased.

"Clarke Griffin, if you even joke about backing out now--"

Clarke laughed. "I love you, Lexa Woods. And I am so excited to make you Lexa Griffin-Woods and to make a ridiculous family with you."

Lexa hummed, pressing another quick kiss to Clarke's lips. "That's better."

* * *

 

"I never want to hear you making fun of me again."

"Shut up, Rae," Clarke grumbled, working on redoing her eye makeup that was thoroughly ruined by her panic attack. And really, at least Clarke and Lexa had the sense to help each other rather than try to figure it out by themselves. Octavia and Raven, on the other hand, had to be calmed down by their friends.

So who was really the winner here?

Raven shrugged. "I'm just sayin. If I ever hear you mention my little break down again--"

"Then you'll have something to throw back at me. I get it. Are you ready to be my maid of honor now and actually _help_ me rather than make fun of me?"

"I thought that was the job of the maid of honor. To make fun of the bride to be. What're best friends for, anyway?"

Clarke stared levelly at Raven, waiting for her to relent.

"Alright, alright," Raven finally said, sighing dramatically. "What do you need me to do?"

"Why don't you go get your wife and maybe help me get in my dress."

"So needy."

" _Raven_ ," Clarke warned.

"Okay. Jeez. Keep your panties on."

* * *

 

"Lexa, if you don't sit down, I swear I will throw my shoe at you," Anya warned from where she was lounging on the couch in Lexa's dressing room. Well, more like closet. Because there really weren't enough rooms in this building for them both to have a dressing room, and with Clarke having both Raven and Octavia _and_ her mother pestering her, Lexa had forfeited the actually decent sized room to her.

It was a small price to pay.

Though this incredibly small room was difficult to actually pace through like she wanted.

"I feel like my maid of honor shouldn't threaten me with bodily harm on my wedding day."

"I feel like your maid of honor has been through enough already for your wedding day without having to deal with you pacing like a nervous wreck." She paused and looked Lexa over. "What are you so nervous about, anyway?"

Lexa scoffed. "Well, it kind of comes with the territory when one is getting married."

"So you're nervous about marrying Clarke?" Anya challenged, brow quirked.

"No. Never. I've never been more sure and excited about anything in my life." She stopped in her pacing to look at Anya as if she was crazy. "Why would I be nervous about that?"

"That's what I'm wondering."

"I just want everything to go well. We've prepared so much for this, and I don't want anything to go wrong."

Anya rolled her eyes and stood, taking the few steps needed to get to her sister. She put her hands on Lexa's shoulders. "I'm pretty sure that _something_ is going to go wrong. As you said, 'it kind of comes with the territory.' But you don't need to worry about that because at the end of the day, you're still going to be marrying the love of your life and you're going to go home with her and spend the rest of your life loving her."

Lexa smiled timidly at her. "Yeah. I am, aren't I?"

Anya nodded. "You are. And nothing that happens today could change that because that woman is so ridiculously in love with you that it's kind of gross. And you're so ridiculously in love with her that it's definitely gross."

"Such a morale builder," Lexa sassed.

Anya shrugged. "I do what I can." She turned Lexa by her shoulders to face the door to the room. "Now, we're going to go out there, I'm going to walk you to the love of your life, and you're going to marry the shit out of her. Got it?"

Lexa nodded sharply. "Hell yeah I am."

"That's what I like to hear. You ready, nerd?"

Lexa elbowed Anya's stomach. "Just because it's my wedding day doesn't mean I can't still beat your ass."

Anya scoffed. "As if. You wouldn't want to risk tearing your pretty little dress." She reached around Lexa for the doorknob.

"Wait," Lexa said, stopping Anya with her hand in the air. She took a deep breath and turned to her sister. "Thank you. For all of this. For everything. I know I never said it enough growing up, but thank you. I love you, Anya."

And if Lexa didn't know any better, she'd say she saw tears in Anya's eyes. But this was Anya, and she never cried.

Instead, she gave Lexa a half hearted scoff, looking away quickly and taking a deep breath. And before Lexa knew what was happening, she was in Anya's arms, being hugged tightly.

"I'm so proud of you, Lex. Mom and Dad would be too." Her arms tightened around Lexa minutely. "I love you, little sis."

They held each other for a few more moments before Anya nudged Lexa away. She surreptitiously wiped at her eye with a little laugh (and Lexa totally didn't need to wipe at her eyes. Because she wasn't crying. Really. There was just something in her eye. Totally). "Let's go get you married."

* * *

 

When Lexa had left the building the night before, it hadn't looked like it did that morning. In fact, there were significantly less decorations the night before.

Now, though, there were additions to their original plans.

The aisle was lined with hundreds of coffee cups, short flowers arranged delicately in each. The windowsills were decorated with a few cups each, flowers there as well. And all along the platform they were going to be married on, cups were scattered along the floor tastefully, with even more flowers.

Lexa looked down at the first cup lining the aisle, seeing the first sketch Clarke made for her. And the next ones followed all the way down, in the order Clarke had given them (Lexa could hardly remember the order and she was amazed that Clarke had been able to. There were just _so many_ ).

They were all there. Every single cup Clarke had gifted to Lexa, all decorated with Clarke's drawings and all holding violets and peonies, matching the flowers around the rest of the hall.

Lexa almost tripped as she tried to look at every cup they passed, and she was sure she would have if Anya wasn't there to catch her.

"Smooth, Lex."

"Shut up."

Anya's smirk told her that she wasn't at all surprised by the addition to the hall, and was even less surprised by Lexa's reaction. (Again, there weren't tears in her eyes. Lexa Woods didn't cry at the sight of _coffee cups_ , no matter how sweet and sentimental and amazing their addition to the ceremony was.)

* * *

 

Clarke clung to Abby's arm as they made their way down the aisle. She watched fondly as Lexa distractedly looked around the floor surrounding her on the platform at all the cups Clarke had had placed there. She _may_ have been kind of proud of herself for coming up with that idea. Maybe. (The florist promised her it would be set up perfectly and he didn't disappoint.)

But then Lexa was looking up at her and her jaw dropped, and Clarke stuttered in her step, and Abby had to drag her forward a little. Because Clarke had never seen Lexa look so beautiful and the look Lexa was giving her was implying she felt the same. And maybe, just maybe, the amount of love in Lexa's eyes was trip-worthy.

Clarke found her footing again and took her next step without needing Abby to encourage her feet to work. And then the next and the next and soon enough, Abby was handing Clarke off to Lexa and glaring a little at the brunette (not that either of them noticed), mumbling a little threat under her breath before pulling Lexa into a hug all while Lexa kept her eyes glued to Clarke's.

Clarke could get lost in those eyes (she definitely may have been lost in them from the moment Lexa first looked at her).

And then Abby was stepping away and Lexa was holding her hand and the minister was clearing his throat to get their attention. Which was harder than he probably assumed it would be because Lexa looked... _wow_. And Clarke would be damned if she looked away from her anytime soon.

But then he cleared his throat again and rolled his eyes when neither looked at him and apparently decided that just starting to speak was a better use of his time.

Raven snickered from behind Clarke, Octavia elbowing her. (Clarke only knew that because of the quiet 'oomph' that Raven let out.)

"You look..." Lexa whispered quietly, not to be heard by more than Clarke. She paused, searching for the words she wanted. "I can't even describe. Breathtaking. Amazing."

Clarke chuckled lightly. "You don't look so bad yourself," she teased.

"I love you."

"I love you."

Another cleared throat and a pointed glare, and Clarke and Lexa both smiled bashfully. Still not looking away from each other though, because _damn_.

She was pretty sure the minister was getting slightly annoyed with them. And she _may_ have seen him roll his eyes at them. But the little smirk was enough to dispel any bad feelings.

As long as they ended up married at the end of this, Clarke really couldn't find it in herself to care.

Because the woman standing across from her and holding her hands was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. And she was about to marry her and they were going to live their lives together. And how could anything else matter except for that?

"The brides wrote their own vows and will now recite them before they exchange rings. Lexa, would you begin?" The words of the minister seemed to jerk Lexa out of her thoughts, and she lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders and put on her persona that everyone deemed 'The Commander.'

And then every part of her loosened and she smiled her dorky grin at Clarke, her eyes even brighter with happiness. She opened her mouth and took a deep breath, her smile never faltering. "My life, to be quite frank, sucked for a long time." That earned her a few chuckles from those in the crowd, Anya rolling her eyes with a mumbled ' _Thanks_.' Lexa shook her head with a laugh. "Anya and I had a really rough go of it when we were younger. And then it didn't get too much better when we got older, but we managed. We survived. And I thought that was good enough, because everything that I _needed_ , I had. Until I realize I didn't. Because the moment I saw you dancing ridiculously with your friends at a club for Raven's birthday, I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you. And I knew that I didn't have everything I needed because I didn't have you. I didn't even have your name. And that was a pretty shitty realization, to be honest." Another round of chuckles from the congregation. Clarke bit her lip to hold in her own laugh. Only Lexa could be so bluntly honest in her wedding vows. "When we left the bar that night," she turned her head to face the people gathered a bit, though her eyes stayed on Clarke, "Anya and I, not Clarke and I. I'm classier than that."

"Oh thank God," Abby groaned. The laughter at that was even louder than before. Raven let out a wolf-whistle and it took a moment before everyone settled down again and Lexa could continue.

She rolled her eyes with a little laugh of her own. " _Anyway_ , when we left the bar that night, I thought I'd never see you again, and that I'd have to be okay with that. That is, until you came stumbling into my library the next morning, looking like you wanted to kill the first person that spoke to you."

"I did not!" Clarke gasped with a startled laugh.

"You totally did, babe. I was kind of concerned for my life for a bit there."

"Liar. You were struck into silence by my amazing self."

Lexa shrugged. "Semantics."

So maybe the vows had become a little more casual than most. But it was them, and that was okay.

Lexa took a deep breath and continued. "But you stepped into my library and I knew that I had another chance. I _also_ knew that I was probably going to screw it up, but that's neither here nor there. The first time you took me out on a date, I knew I wanted a million more dates with you. The first time you kissed me, I knew I wanted to kiss you the rest of my life. The first time you called me your girlfriend, I knew I wanted to hear you call me your wife one day. The first time you told me you loved me, I knew I wanted to hear that until my dying breath. And now," for the first time, Lexa turned slightly away from Clarke, breaking eye contact to get the ring from Anya, "I'm going to make all of those things happen. Because if there is one thing that you've taught me, Clarke Griffin, it's that life is about more than just surviving, and I want to live every moment of this life with you by my side." She slid the ring onto Clarke's finger to sit above her engagement ring.

Clarke hiccuped out a laugh and wiped at her eye quickly. "Why do you always have to be so good with words? How am I supposed to match that?"

Lexa shrugged with an easy smile. "You _are_ marrying a writer, love."

* * *

 

Lexa watched as Clarke chewed on her lip, trying to gather herself again. She smiled encouragingly at her and gently squeezed her hands. "You alright, love?"

Clarke shot her a teasing glare. "You gotta give me a minute after something like that, Lex."

Another bout of quiet laughter from those gathered.

Finally, Clarke took a deep breath and gave herself a stern nod of the head. She met Lexa's eyes with determination. "Lexa Woods, you can be a huge pain in the ass sometimes."

Lexa jerked back with a laugh. "Duly noted."

"But you're my pain in the ass," Clarke continued with a fond little laugh. "From the moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to get to know you. Even if you didn't tell me until later that you could have met me a whole twelve hours before. Can you imagine what could have happened in those twelve hours?"

"Please don't elaborate," Abby chimed in, causing even more laughter.

Clarke just waved her off, never looking away from Lexa. "And then you made me work to get you to go out with me."

"Peacocking Clarke is the best Clarke," Raven cut in.

"Agreed," Lexa said with a laugh.

" _Okay_ ," Clarke said with a quick glare over her shoulder at Raven. She looked back at Lexa and stuck her tongue out quickly. "As I was saying, you made me work just to get you to go out on a date with me, miss 'maybe a second coffee and a bagel next time'."

"I thought we had agreed to forget about that."

"Oh, it's burned in my memory, Your children will hear that story," Anya said, earning herself a glare from Lexa.

"And if she doesn't tell them, I sure will," Clarke said teasingly. "Anyway, even with all the mishaps and the unexpected additions to our little family, from Charles to Norman to Gus, we still managed to make it through. And you've put up with all of my crazy schemes and all of the ridiculous things that our friends asked of us. You've stuck by me through snow and rain and paint and exams. And I don't think I would have made it through any of that without you. And I don't want to even try to make it through the rest of my life without you. Because you're my everything and I want to spend the rest of my life annoying you and loving you and dragging you into random nerf wars. I want to argue with you and rest with you. Cry with you and laugh with you. I want to go through all of the ups and downs that we're sure to face in the years ahead with you by my side. And with this ring," she took the ring that Raven handed over, "you're officially stuck with me, Lex." She grinned cheekily at her, the tears in both of their eyes not stopping the laughter that was bubbling up.

Lexa was practically bouncing with anticipation as she waited for the minister to announce them finally wed. And when he did and told them that they could kiss, Lexa launched forward, Clarke meeting her halfway, and pressed her lips fervently to Clarke's. Her _wife's_.

And maybe Lexa Woods didn't cry. But Lexa Griffin-Woods was definitely crying as she kissed her wife.

* * *

 

They, of course, made their rounds at the reception, greeting everyone who made it and thanking each personally. And they listened to every compliment and every comment, even if they had heard the same from about a dozen other people.

But their hands never separated, and they kissed every time someone clinked their knife against a glass, and they laughed along with everyone else because this was their _wedding day_ and they were now _wives_ , and they couldn't be happier than in that moment.

They took extra time talking to Alyssa (who apparently had to sneak out of her family's store by promising she was just visiting some friends from school) and Addison and Ellie. Because they had all become important enough in Lexa and Clarke's lives that they'd been invited to the wedding, even if it was last minute.

Ellie, of course, was just excited to get a chance to play with Izzy again. The two had become almost inseparable after their joint birthday party.

Marcus had shown up as well, keeping Abby company and helping to make sure that the mother/mother-in-law of the brides actually sat down for some of the reception and ate something.

Clarke laughed as she saw Marcus pointedly pushing a plate of food toward Abby as Abby tried to get up once again to go see to _something_ that was surely already taken care of. It took Octavia and Raven promising that it was, in fact, taken care of for Abby to settle stiffly in her seat and pick up her fork.

Lexa's arm wound around Clarke's waist, her lips pressing against Clarke's hair. "What're you laughing at, love?" They were standing in the corner of the room, watching as their guests mingled so they could finally take a little breath and just _be_ for a minute.

Clarke leaned into Lexa, resting her head against Lexa's shoulder. "Our friends and family are quite a handful, aren't they?"

"That's an understatement."

"You love them, though."

Lexa just hummed at that, but the little smile that was pulling at the corners of her lips was answer enough for Clarke.

Clarke sighed happily, content to just stand with her wife (because that's what Lexa was now - her _wife_ \- and she would never tire of saying that).

The soft music that had been playing came to an end and Raven, in all of her maid of honor glory, stood from her seat with her glass lifted and clinked her knife against it to get everyone's attention.

"I know you all were probably getting excited to hear me give a speech," she started, wiggling her eyebrows as she looked around at the people in the hall.

"No we weren't, Momma," Izzy shouted, causing everyone to break into loud laughter.

Raven pointed at her daughter. "I'll remember that, kiddo. Anyway, speeches will come later, so please try to hold in your excitement. I know it's hard to wait." She held her hand out to where Clarke and Lexa had been somewhat hidden away. "For now, however, it's time for the new couple's first dance. So, if you would all please clear the dance floor, they'll get down like all of us who have ever been clubbing with them know they can."

Octavia smacked her arm lightly before tugging her back down into her seat.

"What? It's true," Raven argued.

Clarke rolled her eyes, taking a step away from Lexa. She held her hand out to her expectantly. "Shall we?" she asked, Lexa smiling softly back at her.

Lexa took her hand and they walked together out to the dance floor, turning to face each other when they got to the center of it. Lexa held up her left hand for Clarke to take, her other hand resting on the small of Clarke's back as Clarke's came up to rest on Lexa's shoulder. The opening chords to the song rang out, and Lexa and Clarke began to sway together. Step for step, without faltering, they moved around the dance floor.

"You really look beautiful, Clarke," Lexa whispered, awe in her voice.

"You do too, Lex."

Lexa smiled brightly at her, pulling Clarke in just a little closer. "You've made me the happiest woman on this planet today, Clarke Griffin-Woods."

Clarke hummed. "Not possible."

"No?" Lexa asked, brow quirked.

Clarke shook her head. "Nope. Because I'm the happiest woman on this planet today, Lexa Griffin-Woods."

Lexa rolled her eyes with a little chuckle, kissing Clarke gently. "Always trying to one-up me."

Clarke just shrugged to the best of her ability as they danced. She leaned forward, her head resting on Lexa's shoulder as they continued to sway.

And then Lexa began singing along with the song quietly, and Clarke's breath caught. "And with this love song to you, It's not a momentary phase. You are my life, I don't deserve you, But you love me just the same. And as the mirror says we're older, I will not look the other way. You are my life, my love, my only, And that's one thing that won't change..."

She continued singing along just loud enough for Clarke to hear, and maybe Clarke started crying again, but when they pulled away after the dance, Lexa's eyes weren't very dry either.

"I love you," Clarke said, her fingers scratching soothingly at the nape of Lexa's neck.

Lexa pulled her forward and pressed their foreheads together. The next song had started and they pretended to be paying attention, brushing off their complete distraction with each other as them wanting another dance. And really, dancing with her new wife wasn't the worst way to spend the evening. She'd spend forever in Lexa's arms if she could. And now that they were married, that possibility seemed more and more likely.

"I love you, too."

* * *

 

"I honestly cannot believe that we agreed to let Raven do whatever she wanted for her speech."

Clarke cringed a little at the memory. Lexa glanced over at her from the driver's seat before looking back at the road with a little laugh and a roll of her eyes. "Yeah, it may not have been the best choice of words," Clarke agreed.

Lexa reached over to Clarke when they came to a stop at a traffic light, rubbing softly at Clarke's cheek with her thumb. "You have a bit that you missed."

"Seriously?" Clarke asked incredulously. She flipped down her visor and opened the mirror, looking at the little splotch of blue on her cheek. "How did I miss that? How did you let me miss that?"

Another little laugh and a shrug as Lexa gestured to the rest of Clarke. "I think it's fair to say that a little bit of blue on your cheek was hardly noticeable."

Clarke looked down at her now multicolored dress. "Do you think it'll come out? I mean, she just used colored powder this time. That'll totally wash out, right?"

Lexa only hummed, choosing to neither affirm nor deny Clarke's hopefulness. She looked forward again and continued to drive them home.

"That didn't sound promising," Clarke grumbled as she rubbed at a splotch of pink on her thigh.

"At least we weren't planning on wearing them again."

"But I kind of wanted our wedding dresses to last more than one night."

Lexa smirked. "You thought they'd survive us getting home?" Her eyes darted to Clarke quickly before looking back to the road. "You had high hopes."

"Well, I thought we both knew how to use zippers well enough that they'd survive."

"You clearly don't realize how amazing you look in that dress. And how much I've wanted to get you out of it since I first saw you in it."

Clarke gasped, feigning shock. "Lexa Griffin-Woods, are you implying that you were thinking sinful thoughts during our wedding ceremony?"

Lexa's smirk turned into a dorky grin at the sound of her new last name. "I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation."

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

"Take it as you will."

"Take me as you will."

Lexa barked out a laugh. "And you said I was bad."

"Those words never left my mouth. I said you were thinking sinful thoughts."

Lexa pulled into their parking lot, turning to Clarke once she parked. "Sinful usually implies bad."

Clarke only shrugged, getting out of the car and waiting for Lexa to join her. "Then, by all means, Lex," she said, her voice dropping into a low timbre. "Let's be bad," she whispered, pulling Lexa into a passionate kiss that may or may not have been appropriate for their apartment complex's parking lot.

Lexa moaned into the kiss, breathing heavily when they finally parted. "Is that a challenge?"

"It's a suggestion. We should probably warm up for our honeymoon tomorrow, don't you think?" Clarke teased.

"I think that's a great suggestion."

Clarke tapped Lexa's cheek teasingly, smirking up at her with a devilish glint in her eyes. "Shouldn't you be carrying me up to our apartment, then? We only have so long until our plane leaves tomorrow morning."

"Oh, so I'm carrying you across the threshold, huh?" Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist, swaying them slowly side to side.

"Well I'm not carrying you. Do you know how long that walk is?"

Lexa laughed. "Well, I have carried you the entire way before."

"Because I'm a hard working, devoted student-come-doctor who needed carrying in her time of need. And you're my strong wife who would willingly carry me to the ends of the earth and back if I needed you to because you love me."

"Your heels are hurting your feet, aren't they?" Lexa asked, brow quirked in challenge.

"They hurt _so_ bad, Lex," Clarke whined, slouching a little in Lexa's arms.

Lexa rolled her eyes, and Clarke knew she won. "Alright. You know what to do."

Clarke cheered happily, winding her arm around Lexa's neck and turning so that Lexa could pick her up with an arm under her legs and the other under Clarke's shoulders. "You're the best, Lex."

"Uh-huh." She started walking toward their apartment. "I expect bountiful amounts of thanks to be showered upon me for this."

"My hero, always going above and beyond the call of duty without complaint or demands."

Lexa acted like she was going to drop Clarke from her arms, earning a little shrieking laugh. "Look, I just saved you again. That deserves double the reward."

Clarke rolled her eyes, but leaned up and pressed a loving kiss to Lexa's cheek. "Better get us upstairs quick, then. Double the amount means double the time, and I was already planning on taking a good long time."

And maybe Lexa started walking faster, cursing her own choice in heels as they started rubbing even more against her feet uncomfortably. "Your wish is my command, my beautiful wife."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marriage! Wives! Speeches! Dancing! Powder paint! What more could you ask for???
> 
> Now down to a bit of business: Again, I’m sorry updates have been so few and far between. I’m trying to get them up quickly, but it just doesn’t work out sometimes. I’m hoping that with the holidays over now, I’ll be able to get back into the swing of things. Please be patient with me. 
> 
> If you still love me, let me know in the comments below. Or if you just like the story and want it to keep being updated. The more often I see comments, the more pressure I feel to update. (Talk about motivation - guilt). No promises on when the next update will be, because I apparently always miss when I think it will be by a long shot. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are loved. Any requests will be put on hold for the forseeable future. But once this one is completed, I’ll start writing some more if y’all would like that. 
> 
> Until next time!!


	64. Everything Stops, When I'm with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parks and diving and swimming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honeymoon phase, anyone?

Clarke yawned, slouching in the uncomfortable airport seat. "Why did you book our flight for six in the morning?" she asked, rubbing at her eyes tiredly.

Lexa pulled Clarke further into her side, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Because they were cheaper than the ten o'clock ones. And _someone_ wanted to be able to go on adventures on this trip. Which costs money. So we had to save where we could."

"But six?" Clarke whines, slumping in her seat and resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. "This is a sin against nature. No one should be up this early. And _why_ are we here an hour and a half early, anyway? What was the point of that?"

"To make sure we got through security and found our gate without having to rush. We both know that you wouldn't have been okay with running through the terminal with your carry on. Which would mean I'd be carrying it, and probably pushing you on one of the carts. And then we'd get kicked out of the airport and miss our flight and--"

Clarke lifted her hand and pressed it against Lexa's mouth. "Okay. I get it. You planned accordingly. Much adulting."

Lexa kissed Clarke's fingers before reaching up and pulling her hand down to rest in her lap. "You can sleep on the flight."

"I can sleep now."

"You could if you'd stop whining and just closed your eyes."

"Who says my eyes aren't closed?"

Lexa peeked down at her wife and noted that her eyes were indeed already closed and her head seemed to be getting heavier and heavier as it drooped on Lexa's shoulder. "Then maybe you should be quiet and try to get some sleep."

"What about you?"

Lexa kissed Clarke's head again, running her fingers through her slightly tangled blonde hair. "I'll make sure we don't miss the announcement for boarding."

"Aren't you tired?" Clarke asked around another yawn.

Lexa chuckled. "Very. Someone decided to keep me up until two in the morning."

"You weren't complaining."

"And I'm still not." She pressed another lingering kiss to Clarke's head. "Sleep, love. I'll wake you when it's time to board," she said softly against Clarke's hair.

Clarke just hummed, following Lexa's orders easily.

* * *

 

"Clarke," Lexa cooed, nuzzling against Clarke's hair. Clarke groaned and just snuggled closer, burying her face closer to Lexa's neck. Lexa chuckled. "Clarke, it's time for us to board."

"Board games shhh..." Clarke mumbled, her arm tightening around Lexa's waist before loosening again as she fell back to sleep.

Lexa rolled her eyes fondly and nudged Clarke's head with her shoulder. She rubbed Clarke's arm to try to coax her awake. "Come on, love. Time to get up."

"Up yours..." Clarke mumbled again, scowling a little.

"So rude when you're still half asleep."

"Love me."

"Yes, I do."

"Carry."

"I don't think they'll let me carry you onto the plane, love," Lexa said with a chuckle.

Clarke groaned and pulled away from Lexa, her body slouching in her seat. "Their rules are stupid. Fuck the rules."

"Such a rebel." Lexa smirked at her wife, watching as she rubbed at her face to try to wake herself up a little.

"Don't sass me," Clarke grumbled, shooting a glare at Lexa. Lexa just smiled wider, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Clarke's lips.

"Grab your bag. They called for our section ten minutes ago."

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

Lexa looked at her flatly, her brow raised. "I tried. You refused."

"That doesn't sound like me at all. I'm totally responsive at..." she glanced down at her watch. "Ugh. Five-thirty in the morning."

Lexa stood from her chair, lifting her arms to stretch out her back with a satisfied moan. "You can sleep more on the plane. But we do have to get going."

"Alright, alright," Clarke grumbled, grabbing her backpack off the floor. "I still think we could have taken a later flight. Isn't our honeymoon supposed to be relaxing?"

"Once we get there, maybe. But for now, plane. You. Me. Now."

Clarke quirked her brow, standing and taking Lexa's hand. "Is someone eager to join the mile-high club?" she teased.

And Lexa felt the heat creeping up her neck to her cheeks because she definitely _did not_ mean it like that. But the idea wasn't all-together unappealing. "Are you propositioning me, Mrs. Griffin-Woods?"

Clarke hummed. "I'm pretty sure it was you who demanded to take me on the plane right now." She leaned up and pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek. "Always so eager."

"Well, maybe I just want to get started on the honeymoon activities as soon as possible."

"Last night wasn't enough to satisfy you long enough to get to the hotel?"

"Have you seen yourself?" Lexa asked, looking Clarke up and down. And sure, she was in her comfy sweats and one of Lexa's old long sleeve t-shirts, her hair up in a messy bun, but she was still the most beautiful woman Lexa had ever seen.

Clarke smirked. "And have _you_ seen yourself?" she challenged.

Lexa leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Clarke's lips - chaste for those watching, but oh so promising. "Then maybe we should actually hurry up and get on the plane."

Clarke laughed and let Lexa lead her toward the boarding line. They came to a stop a few people away from the flight attendants, waiting for their turn. Clarke leaned into Lexa's side, pulling Lexa's arm around her shoulders so she could lean further into her. She tilted her chin to whisper in Lexa's ear. "Do you think the bathrooms are soundproof?"

* * *

 

"This may actually be the most comfortable bed I have ever had the pleasure of laying on," Clarke said with a pleased moan. "So comfy. So cozy. Come here, Lex. Enjoy the comforts of a five-star hotel with me." She reached her arms up and flexed her hands in a grabbing motion toward Lexa.

Lexa laughed, placing her bag down on the desk on the other side of the room. "Didn't you say you were hungry?"

"Room service?" Clarke asked hopefully.

Lexa crossed her arms and cocked her hip, looking at her wife expectantly. "Are you just going to lay there the whole trip? Or are you planning on actually getting out of the bed at some point to enjoy what California has to offer?"

"Both?"

Lexa laughed. "How do you propose doing both?"

"Well, California has you to offer, as you are now standing in the state. And I can thoroughly enjoy you right here in this bed, can't I?" Clarke asked suggestively. She leaned up on her elbows, looking at Lexa through her lashes with her lower lip stuck between her teeth.

"Hm. I think I like the sound of that. But you may be disappointed later on when you miss out on Disney and skydiving."

"Both of which can happen later in the week. Right now, though..." she trailed off enticingly, rubbing her hand over the blankets next to her.

Lexa rolled her eyes (as if she was actually disappointed with this turn of events), before taking a bit of a running start and launching herself onto the bed next to Clarke. She flopped down on her stomach, her arms coming up to rest her head on. "Mm. You were right. This is a really comfy bed. I vote for staying in."

Clarke laughed and turned onto her side, wrapping her arm across Lexa's lower back and cuddling into her side. "I knew you'd eventually agree with me. So..." she said hopefully, waiting for Lexa to turn her head to look at her before continuing. "Room service?"

* * *

 

Clarke decided that seeing Lexa excited was probably her favorite thing in the world.

Because watching Lexa bound toward the gates for Disneyland, bouncing with excitement and her smile wide, was a sight to see. Lexa got excited about things, sure. But this was a whole different level.

"How did I not know that you were a huge Disney nerd?" Clarke teased, her arm outstretched to hold Lexa's hand as her wife dragged her through the ticketing booth.

Lexa shrugged, keeping her eyes on the prize (which was apparently the man that was checking tickets so guests could get in the park. Not Clarke at the moment because "We're at _Disneyland_ , Clarke. The happiest place on earth. Let me live a little"). "I'm good at hiding it."

"Even after all the movies I've made you sit through."

"You didn't really have to do much convincing, if you care to remember."

Clarke hummed, thinking back on all of the Disney movies they'd watched together. And, of course, Lexa was right. She rarely had to do more than suggest one of the movies for Lexa to agree to cuddling down with her to watch. Although, Clarke had thought it was because Lexa just wanted to spend more time with Clarke. She was clearly wrong. "You did have an abnormally large collection of movies."

"That you just added to."

"Izzy is forever grateful for the duplicates," Clarke agreed with a laugh.

Lexa grinned brightly over her shoulder at Clarke. "Clarke, we're at _Disneyland_."

Clarke nodded with an amused smile. "Yes we are, love. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were excited," she teased.

They finally got through the booths and were on the other side, staring up at all of the attractions they were going to be visiting throughout the day. Lexa's mouth dropped open a little as she took it all in. "This is so cool."

"Lex?" Clarke asked, pulling on Lexa's arm to get her attention. When Lexa turned to her, Clarke wound her arms around Lexa's neck. "Guess what?"

"What?" Lexa asked, a look of genuine curiosity on her face. She even tilted her head to the side a little (which was still _not fair_ because how dare she be so cute).

Clarke leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Lexa's lips. "You're a huge dork."

Lexa squinted her eyes at Clarke in a mock glare. "A dork you willingly married, I'd like to remind you."

"Mhm. And a dork that I love very much. But you know something else?"

Lexa looked at her skeptically, clearly expecting another snide remark. "What?"

"We're now officially wasting time that could be better spent exploring this massive park." She pulled away, letting her hands trail down Lexa's arms to grab her hands and swing them between them. "Where should we start?"

* * *

 

That was apparently not the wisest question. Because "Where should we start?" turned into "Where _shouldn't_ we start?" which just amounted to Lexa fretting over missing something and standing in front of a giant map of the park while trying to decide what she _had_ to see and what she could _maybe_ miss if she needed to.

Clarke tugged on Lexa's hand, getting her wife's attention. "Love?"

"Yes?" Lexa turned to look at her, an adorable little wrinkle between her eyes that showed just how concerned she was about the day's plans.

Clarke reached up and cupped Lexa's cheek, smoothing out the wrinkle between her brows with the thumb. "Why don't we just start that way," she pointed to their right, “and make our way around. We have all day, and if we miss something, we can come back tomorrow."

And Lexa lit up as if Clarke had just given her the best gift ever. "Really?" she asked excitedly.

Clarke laughed with a little nod. "Of course, love. Whatever you want to do."

"You're sure? Because I know there were other things you wanted to do while we were here, and I don't want to make it so we miss out on something else because we couldn't make it through Disney quick enough. I mean, this is _our_ honeymoon, and no matter how much I love Disney, I couldn't ask you to--"

Clarke silenced her with a kiss. (Because that's the best way to silence someone who's starting to ramble because they're worried about making their partner happy. What better way is there to show them that happiness is being had?).

"Lex," Clarke said with a laugh when she pulled away, noticing the slightly dazed look on her wife's face. "Let's just get moving. We can see where the day leads us. Sound good?"

Lexa's arms wrapped around Clarke's waist and she pressed another quick kiss to Clarke's lips. "Sounds perfect." They stood there a moment longer, just soaking each other in (which was really another waste of valuable time, but Clarke wasn't about to point that out because Lexa was looking at her with the sweetest expression, and she could stare right back all day if she was allowed to). And then Lexa grinned and pulled back, taking Clarke's hand in hers and tugging her down Main Street. "So, Tomorrowland?"

* * *

 

So, originally thinking that they'd make it through Disney in one day was probably a bit over ambitious. But they had been able to hit all of the major rides that Lexa wanted to get to, and they even got to do one of the character meals for dinner. So, all in all, Lexa considered it a good trip. She was content.

And Clarke was too, though one may not be able to see it. Because she was currently face planted on their bed at the hotel, groaning continuously with her limbs splayed out around her.

"Feet," she grumbled, trying to kick off her shoes with the most minimal amount of movement possible.

Lexa laughed and helped take Clarke's shoes off for her, sitting down beside Clarke's legs on the bed. She patted Clarke's calf, looking over her shoulder as her wife continued to show no more sign of life than the slow rise and fall of her back as she breathed.

"Tired?" Lexa teased, earning herself another moan.

"I would turn to glare at you, but that requires movement, and I just don't have the energy for that right now."

"Hm," Lexa hummed, patting Clarke's leg again before rising to her feet. "Too bad. I was going to suggest a bath in the jacuzzi, but if you're too tired..." she trailed off, knowing that what she had said was enough to get Clarke's attention.

Clarke rolled her head on the pillow, looking at Lexa as she slowly made her way to the ensuite. Her brow was furrowed and she looked almost grumpy and _almost_ like she was actually considering not joining Lexa. But, of course, Lexa knew better. She smirked a little at her wife and quirked her brow, nodding toward the bathroom invitingly.

"So...?" she asked, drawing the question out temptingly.

Clarke quickly flipped over on the bed and launched to her feet. "So, you're lucky I love you."

"No. I'm lucky you're insatiable."

With a quick wave of her hand, Clarke came up to Lexa and put her hands on Lexa's hips, turning her toward the bathroom. "Doesn't matter. Lead the way, oh wife of mine."

Lexa laughed, happily guiding Clarke into the bathroom.

* * *

 

"Whose idea was this?" Clarke shouted out over the sound of the wind and engine. She looked out over the edge of the plane, her jump instructor strapped securely against her back.

Even over the loud noises of the plane, she could hear Lexa bark out a nervous laugh. "That would be you, love. Don't you remember demanding that we did this on our honeymoon?"

Clarke shook her head adamantly, trying to look over her shoulder at her wife. Instead, she just saw her instructor looking at her with an amused smile.

"If it makes you feel better, I've jumped thousands of times and have yet to even break someone's nail." And it may have made Clarke feel better if the woman wasn't even smaller than Clarke. Because how on earth was someone that small supposed to hold up another person while landing a parachute?

Clarke gulped and turned back around, watching a couple of clouds pass below them.

"Okay, you're going to need to swing your legs out of the plane. Let me guide you through the fall. We'll flip once, you'll see the giant smiley face under the plane, and then we'll be smooth sailing. It's going to take about thirty seconds before I pull the shoot, then we'll feel a bit of a tug, but nothing too bad. Alright?"

Clarke nodded shakily.

"You ready?"

"You got this, babe!" She heard Lexa yell at her, and Clarke took a deep breath.

"Alright. Let's do this."

She felt her instructor move around a little, getting up on her knees behind Clarke and testing a strap one last time. "Okay, on the count of three. One. Two.."

And then they were falling and Clarke may have been screaming but her voice was carried away from her too quickly for her to really know for sure. The wind was whipping at them and she had a distant thought that she was glad she had tied up her hair that morning.

And then there was a jerking tug and they were upright again, her instructor laughing behind her. "Alright there?" the woman asked her.

Clarke gasped in a couple of breaths, finally feeling like she could get air in her lungs again. She looked around them at the calm sky, the earth spread out below them. With a little bewildered and amazed laugh, Clarke nodded. "Yeah, I'm alright. That was..."

"Exhilarating?" the woman supplied. Clarke just nodded again. "That's what most people say. It gets addictive after the first jump." They floated in silence for a few moments before the instructor nudged Clarke's shoulder. "I'm going to hand off the reigns to you for a bit. I'll tell you exactly what to do, so don't worry. Ready?'

"You're going to let me fly us?"

The woman laughed. "Yep. People seem to enjoy it. Here you go." And with that, she handed over the pulleys to Clarke and started telling her which to pull and how much.

And Clarke was amazed because she was literally _flying_ through the air with only a bit of cloth holding her and another person up. And, yeah, the ground was getting closer, but it was slow. She could honestly say that it was relaxing up there in the sky.

It was a few minutes before the instructor took the pulleys back. "I'm going to bring us in. Make sure we actually land where we're supposed to." And Clarke would be lying if she said she wasn't actually bummed about having to land at all.

But then they were landing and her knees gave out from under her because _ouch_. She was okay though, and no worse for wear.

The instructor unstrapped Clarke from her chest and helped her back to her feet. "You alright?"

"Yeah. That was amazing. Oh my god." Clarke laughed giddily. She knew her eyes were probably wide with awe and her smile even wider, but she didn't care. Jumping out of a plane to fall through the sky was _amazing_. And the instructor was right. She definitely wanted to do it again.

"Your wife should be landing in a few minutes. You'll be able to see her soon. The plane had to circle back around to let her fall."

Clarke nodded and started walking with the instructor back toward the pavilion. "Any more jumps today?"

The woman nodded. "We have another group coming in in about an hour."

"Well, good luck with that."

She laughed. "It's a bunch of guys, so probably not. They always try to seem more macho than they really are. Though, I have to admit that hearing them scream like little girls as we're falling is always a bit rewarding."

Clarke sat down on one of the benches, looking out to the field to try to catch Lexa landing. "I'm sure it is," she said with a laugh. "I'd pay to see that, honestly."

"Stick around and I'll let you watch the video. We record all of our jumps." She held up her wrist to show a little video camera that Clarke honestly hadn't even noticed before. Guess she was a bit too nervous to actually pay attention to anything but falling out of the sky.

"You have our jump on that?"

The woman nodded. "Your wife paid for pictures and video for both of you. I'm actually going to go put it on a thumb drive for you now. You good to sit out here by yourself? Not shaky or anything?"

Clarke shook her head. "I'm good. Lex should be here soon anyway."

"Alright. I'll be right inside if you need anything." And then she walked away and Clarke was alone to watch the sky for her wife.

Who she soon saw coming in for a landing with a taller man strapped to her back. He was directing them in, and, to Clarke's amusement, Lexa also fell to her knees with the landing.

Clarke got up and jogged out to the field, reaching Lexa as the man was helping her back to her feet and unstrapping her. (She wished she had a camera to take a picture of Lexa's brilliant smile in that moment.)

"We survived," Clarke said with a laugh.

Lexa reached out for her, pulling Clarke into an excited hug. "Heck yeah we did. How did my sky princess do?"

Clarke laughed. "You mean after screaming my lungs out? Fine. Did you get to fly?"

Lexa's brow scrunched. "No. Did you?"

"Yeah. My instructor let me take charge for a bit."

"Well that's not fair," Lexa said with a huff, glaring at her instructor as he made his way back to the building, fiddling with the camera that he had attached to his wrist.

"Aaw," Clarke cooed, fingers pushing lightly at Lexa's chin to get her to look back at her. "Poor baby," she teased, placing a kiss on Lexa's lips.

She could see Lexa still trying to pout, but her excited smile won out and she was bouncing on the spot. "That was _amazing_ , Clarke."

"I know, right?" Clarke agreed with another giddy laugh. "I think I may want to go again."

"But maybe not today."

They turned and started making their way back to the building, hand in hand. "Tomorrow?" Clarke asked, half joking but actually somewhat hopeful.

Lexa's amused laugh was her only answer. (Which was answer enough, and Clarke really couldn't be happier than listening to Lexa's excited and happy laugh, even knowing that the answer was no.)

* * *

 

The beach was probably their favorite part of the trip, even though it was the least eventful. Yes, skydiving was amazing. And yes, Lexa shook with excitement at Disneyland. But the beach was where they could just relax and soak in the world around them. And each other.

Because Clarke in a bikini was a sight to behold. (Clarke would definitely say the same about Lexa in a bikini, which would start an inevitable argument about who was better eye candy.)(They concluded that they could both be a trophy wife and they cloud flaunt each other.)

(That is, until some dude-bro decided to flirt with Clarke right in front of Lexa. And maybe Lexa's hand was bruised afterward, and the guy earned himself a black eye, but he touched what he shouldn't have, and Lexa wasn't going to let that fly.)

But, the beach was their favorite part of the trip. And Lexa may have thrown Clarke into a wave or two because a soaking wet Clarke in a bikini was also a sight to see. Clarke may have also glared at Lexa, but when she noticed Lexa's eyes growing darker, she let it slide.

But laying next to each other, soaking in the sun and warm breeze was probably Lexa's favorite part. Because they could just relax and enjoy each other's company without having to talk or try to entertain each other. The silence was comforting, and they were both okay with either talking or not talking because they were there together, with each other, in their newly married bliss, and no one could put a damper on their joy.

And when they got back to the hotel and helped each other out of their sand-encrusted clothes, they enjoyed each other even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! And that’s our girls’ honeymoon. Hope it was up to snuff. And it didn’t take forever to upload. So there ya go. 
> 
> Side note, I’m having some problems health-wise, and may be out of commission for a bit because of surgeries and whatnot. But I will definitely still update as much as possible. Promise!
> 
> Comments and Kudos will always be loved. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv if you want to!


	65. Wind It Up and She’s Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality and family time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet.

Reality proved to be a jarring and annoying thing.

Lexa groaned as she sat up in their bed, smacking at the alarm clock in her sleepy haze.

"Babe, turn it off," Clarke grumbled, burying her head under her pillow and pulling it tightly over her ears. "Too loud," she continued, her voice barely audible through the pillow.

Finally, Lexa was able to hit the right button and the alarm stopped blaring through the room.

Clarke's hands loosened from their grip on her pillow, and her arms flopped bonelessly against the bed. "Bliss," she mumbled out.

Lexa shook her head, looking over her wife lovingly. Because, even if their honeymoon was over, she could still be overwhelmed with just how much she loved the woman beside her. "Unfortunately," she said, leaning over Clarke to hover above her, an elbow on each side of Clarke's pillow. She picked the pillow up and tossed it to her side of the bed, finding Clarke squinting her eyes closed and groaning. "Unfortunately," she said again with a laugh, "we have to get up. The real world beckons."

"The real world can fuck off," Clarke growled, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes to try to get them to stop stinging. (Lexa hadn't even turned the bedroom light on. But apparently even the little bit of light seeping past their curtains was enough to irritate Clarke's sleepy eyes.)

"I don't think an entire world can do that, love."

"Make it go away." She cracked her eyes opened to look up at Lexa, a pout on her lips. "Please?"

Lexa cooed, relaxing on top of Clarke to put more weight on her. She pressed a kiss to Clarke's neck and rested her head on Clarke's shoulder. Clarke's arms came up around her, her hands tracing random patterns along Lexa's back. "Maybe for five more minutes," Lexa conceded.

"Yeah?"

"Just five more, though."

She knew Clarke was smiling without even looking at her. "Alright. Five it is."

"Are you nervous?" Lexa asked quietly after a moment of comfortable silence.

Clarke shrugged. "A bit. It's a new place and position that I have to learn how to adapt to."

Lexa kissed Clarke's exposed collarbone. "You're going to be amazing."

"Debatable."

"Nope. Not at all. You're going to blow their minds with how great of a doctor you are."

Clarke laughed. "They've seen me work before, love. I did part of my training there, remember?"

"Maybe," Lexa admitted, leaning back up onto her elbows so she could look down at Clarke. Clarke reached up to push some of Lexa's wild hair back behind her ear. "But they've never seen _Doctor_ Clarke Griffin-Woods at work before."

Clarke hummed happily, leaning forward to kiss Lexa's lips. "I do love the sound of that."

"And I love to flaunt that _my wife_ , the Doctor Griffin-Woods, is going to be the best pediatric surgeon this world has ever known."

"But no pressure," Clarke teased with a laugh. She pushed at Lexa's shoulder to get Lexa to roll off of her. And Lexa did so, though reluctantly. She fell back on the bed, watching Clarke as her wife sat up. " _I guess_ I should start getting ready to live up to those expectations, then."

"Off to face the day?" Lexa asked, smiling softly when Clarke turned to look at her. And Clarke couldn't seem to stop herself from leaning down and pressing another lingering, and so temptingly inviting, kiss to Lexa's lips.

"Shower first. Then off to face the day." She pushed herself off the bed and stretched with a groan. "You gonna get a little more sleep?"

Lexa glanced at the clock, realizing that she definitely could go back to sleep. She didn't have to be at the library until eleven, and it was only then just past six. But still, she shook her head and climbed out of bed as well. "Nope. _I_ ," she said with a smirk, walking around the bed to wrap her arms around Clarke, "am going to make my wife a wonderful lunch for her first day of work."

"Just for her first day?" Clarke asked with a little teasing smile.

"Don't push your luck." (But really, she already knew that she'd be making Clarke something to eat every time she had to go into work. If she didn't, she knew Clarke would probably forget to grab something, and then go without food for the day, and that just wouldn't do.)

Clarke kissed her again quickly before pulling out of Lexa's embrace. "Am I pushing my luck too much in asking for some company?"

Lexa laughed. "You know our honeymoon is officially over, right?"

Clarke grabbed Lexa's hands, walking backward toward their bathroom. "And that means that I can't enjoy my wife anymore?"

"That means you may just be getting a PB&J for lunch."

Clarke smirked, flipping on the bathroom light as they finally got through the door. "Good thing those are my favorite."

* * *

 

"Auntie Lex! Auntie Clarke!" an excited little girl yelled as she ran over to them.

They had just barely climbed out of the car when Izzy had jumped away from her moms and ran toward them. Lexa just chuckled, letting Clarke intercept the excitable child, while she got Gus out of the back seat.

"Hey there, little one! Long time no see," Clarke said, smiling at the girl that was now in her arms. She spun Izzy around, hugging her tightly. "Oh, I missed you."

"I missed you too, Auntie Clarke. Next time, you should bring me with," Izzy declared with a little pout.

Which is when Raven joined them, laughing at what her daughter said. "I don't think that'd be a good idea, kiddo. Auntie Clarke and Lex were getting up to grown-up things that aren't suitable for little, innocent minds."

Izzy's brow scrunched up as she tried to figure out what her momma was talking about. "Were you wrestling? Sometimes Momma and Mommy have wrestling nights, and I'm not invited."

Clarke flushed as she stammered over her answer. But then Lexa was there, laughing under her breath. "That's sounds just about right, kid. And grown-up wrestling isn't for kids."

"But I'm a big girl. Why can't I play, Auntie Clarke?" She pouted up at Clarke, who could just feel the warm flush working its way up her neck.

Lexa chuckled again, pressing a quick kiss to Clarke's cheek. "You'll understand later, Iz. But in the mean time, where's my hug?" She held her arms out wide, Gus' leash hanging from one hand. Izzy wriggled out of Clarke's arms and jumped down to the ground, running the few steps over to Lexa and wrapping her arms around Lexa's legs. "Did you miss me as much as you missed Auntie Clarke?"

Izzy looked over her shoulder at Clarke quickly before motioning for Lexa to lean down. "I kinda missed you more," she whispered, still loud enough for everyone else to hear.

Lexa laughed, smirking smugly over Izzy's head at Clarke. "Did you now? And why's that?"

"'Cuz you always carry me on your shoulders, and Auntie Clarke doesn't do that."

"But I totally could," Clarke challenged, puffing her chest out proudly. "I could totally carry you on my shoulders. Do you want a ride right now?"

Izzy looked Clarke over skeptically, and Clarke could see Lexa trying to hold back her laugh. "Auntie Lex is taller," she finally said, as if that decided things.

Clarke's expression dropped into a glare that she directed at her wife. "You stole my goddaughter from me."

And Lexa just shrugged, handing off Gus' leash to Clarke, who accepted it begrudgingly. She knelt and let Izzy clamber up onto her shoulders. "Not my fault that you're short."

"I'm not short! You're barely an inch taller than me," Clarke objected.

"Whatever you say, shortie," Lexa shot back with a teasing smirk.

"Gus, attack," Clarke commanded, still glaring at Lexa and pointing Gus in her direction. Gus, of course, just panted happily and sat beside Clarke, looking at all the people he was about to play with.

"No, Auntie Clarke!" Izzy objected, fidgeting on Lexa's shoulders. Lexa held firmly onto their goddaughter's legs so that she wouldn't fall. "Don't sic Gus on Auntie Lex!"

"And just why shouldn't I?"

"Because you love her, duh," Izzy said, as if that was the obvious reason.

"Yeah, Clarke," Lexa teased. "Because you love me. _Duh_."

Clarke glared at her wife, pulling her to a stop. She leaned close enough to whisper in her ear so that Izzy couldn't hear her. "Just wait until we get home tonight. I'll show you just how much I love every inch of you then." She nipped at Lexa's ear teasingly before pulling away quickly. "Come on, Gus," she called happily, getting Gus to jog with her to where Octavia and Raven were waiting.

Lexa stood there, jaw dropped, and watched Clarke jog away from her.

"What'd she say, Auntie Lex?" Izzy asked curiously, patting Lexa's head to get her attention.

Lexa shook her head, pulling her thoughts back to the present. She smirked a little and patted Izzy's leg. "She promised me a present later tonight."

"But it's not your birthday," Izzy objected. Lexa laughed and started walking again.

"No. But some presents are for any time of the year."

Izzy leaned on Lexa's head, apparently deep in thought. Finally, as they were drawing near to their families, Izzy spoke up again. "Can I have a present tonight, too?"

Lexa laughed again, picking Izzy up above her head and putting her back on her feet on the ground. "You should ask Auntie Clarke. I'm sure she'd love to give you a present, too."

Izzy's eyes lit up and she quickly turned to run over to Clarke where she was talking with Octavia. She tackled into Clarke's legs, grabbing hold of her firmly. "Auntie Clarke! Auntie Lex said you're giving her a present later tonight, and I want one too."

Clarke shot a glare at Lexa quickly before looking back down at her goddaughter. "Alright, little one. How about some ice cream?"

"That's not a present."

"So you don't want ice cream?" Clarke asked, brow arched challengingly.

Izzy scrunched her face up in thought. "What are you giving Auntie Lex?"

"A night on the couch, at this rate," Clarke said, glaring again quickly at Lexa.

"Ice cream sounds a lot better than that. Why wouldn't she be in bed? Is she going to have a movie night? Can we have a movie night?" She had started her questioning sounding confused, but had ended sounding more excited than anything else. Clarke sighed and shook her head. Honestly, the thought process of kids.

"Not tonight, Izzy-bear."

Izzy pouted. "But I can still have ice cream?"

"Of course."

Izzy nodded, apparently coming to the conclusion that that was good enough. "Okay. Can I play with Gus?"

"Just don't get him too riled up, alright?" When Izzy agreed, Clarke handed Gus' leash over to her, keeping a close eye on them. Gus had grown quite a bit since they had first gotten him, and he was a lot stronger. She was kind of concerned that he'd drag Izzy wherever he wanted to go.

"A night on the couch? Will you be joining me?" Lexa asked, coming up behind Clarke and wrapping her arms around her. She nuzzled into Clarke's neck, placing a kiss there.

"You're in public. You do know that, right?" Raven said, looking between the two of them with a disgusted look on her face.

Octavia scoffed. "Like we weren't just as bad when we first got married."

"We can be just as bad now," Raven said with a smirk, leaning closer to her wife and wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

With a roll of her eyes, Octavia shook her head and walked away to go keep an eye on their daughter.

"Buzzkill!" Raven hollered after her, laughing when Octavia flipped her off behind her back. "Now _that's_ love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that one was so short! But the next one deals with some really heavy stuff, and I didn’t want to break it up. So enjoy this bit of happiness before the next chapter. (Is that nerve wracking enough for you all?)
> 
> My surgery is this week, so I’ll try to get the next chapter up by Tuesday night for y’all. No promises. But if not Tuesday, then hopefully Saturday at some point. But we’ll see how the pain meds work out for me. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are so incredibly loved, and each and every one is appreciated. You can also find me on tumblr @musiclurv (though I don’t get on very often at all). ‘Til next time!


	66. Do You Hear My Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stages of grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is a rough one. You are warned.

The front door to the apartment closed quietly, followed by slow, shuffling footsteps down the hall. Lexa placed her book down on her chest, looking up and waiting for her wife to enter the living room.

When she did, Lexa immediately placed her book aside and rose to her feet.

Clarke stood there, eyes downcast and shoulders slumped, her mascara smeared down her cheeks from tears that weren't falling at the moment, but looked likely to make a repeat appearance soon.

"Clarke?" Lexa called quietly, reaching out tentatively for her wife. She didn't know what was wrong. Didn't know if someone was hurt - if Clarke was hurt. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She took another step closer, Clarke now just out of arm's reach.

"I..." Clarke started, her lower lip trembling as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

"Are you hurt?" Lexa asked. She gently grasped Clarke's arm, dragging her hand down slowly to take Clarke's.

Clarke shook her head. The next thing Lexa knew, Clarke's arms were wrapped around her tightly, her face pressed against Lexa's shoulder. The neck of Lexa's shirt was already wet as Clarke broke down into tears.

So Lexa did all that she could right then. She wrapped her arms around Clarke securely, whispering calmly into her ear words of comfort and rocking them back and forth slowly. She rubbed her hand soothingly up and down Clarke's back, trying to get her to calm down enough to tell her what happened.

"Do you want to sit down?" Lexa asked quietly. At Clarke's nod of agreement, Lexa started backing up slowly, not separating from Clarke in the slightest. And it was a little awkward, and she may have tripped a little on the way, but they made it to the couch, Clarke sitting in Lexa's lap as she continued to cling to her.

It took a while, but Clarke finally seemed to calm down enough to at least stop crying. She was breathing deeply, each shaky breath ghosting across Lexa's collarbone.

Lexa didn't try to coax anything else out of her. She wanted to know what happened, but Clarke would tell her when she was ready. It just hurt to see her wife like this. She hated seeing her in any pain, and she wanted to fix whatever it was. Though, with Clarke's reaction so far, Lexa assumed this wasn't going to be something she could just fix.

Lexa's fingers tangled in Clarke's hair as she held her, offering whatever comfort she could to help Clarke through this.

Finally, Clarke took another deep breath and spoke. "I lost him," she explained, her voice raw from her crying.

Lexa kissed the top of Clarke's head, squeezing her a little closer. "Who, love?"

"Tanner. I promised that I'd help him, but--" Her voice cut off with another sob. "And I just... I just lost him. He was there, and breathing, and the next second the monitors were out of control. Then he was just... gone. I couldn't--" another shuddering sob. "I couldn't save him. His heart just _stopped_."

And before Lexa could say another word, Clarke dissolved back into tears, her body shaking in Lexa's arms. Her hands clung tightly to Lexa's shirt, gripping the material like it was the only thing holding her there. And Lexa held on to her just as tightly.

She hurt for Clarke. Her heart ached for her. This definitely wasn't something she could fix. It wasn't something she could explain away. There was just no way for her to make the pain go away for her wife. So she just held her.

The room was already dark when Clarke fell asleep in Lexa's arms, her cheeks still wet with recent tears. The sun had set what felt like hours before, but still, they sat on the couch, Clarke clinging desperately to her wife.

Lexa sighed in relief when Clarke's grip finally slackened, her breathing evening out the first sign of her slipping into a light sleep. It wasn't much of an escape from the pain, but at least Clarke didn't have to keep thinking about it. Lexa only hoped that her dreams wouldn't be plagued with the day's events.

She slowly and carefully rose to her feet, picking up Clarke to cradle her in her arms. She felt so small and fragile, her body exhausted from crying. Clarke shifted slightly, and Lexa paused, afraid that she had woken her wife up. But the blonde quickly settled again.

Lexa placed Clarke down on their bed when she got to their room. She eased her out of her arms, loosening Clarke's hold on her shirt so she could at least get Clarke more comfortable. Clarke's brow was furrowed even in her dreams, so clearly not pleasant in nature.

Lexa shook her head sadly, moving down the bed to take Clarke's shoes off for her. She went quickly to the bathroom to get a warm, wet washcloth to clean up Clarke's face gently, not pressing or rubbing hard enough to wake her.

She'd wait for when Clarke inevitably woken up from a nightmare to get her out of her day's clothes.

For now though, she'd climb into bed and hold her wife to provide whatever defense from the nightmares that she could. She'd hold her, and watch over her, ready to comfort whenever needed.

* * *

 

Clarke woke to the smell of food cooking.

Her body ached, and her head was pounding. She honestly felt like shit. So, instead of getting up or even attempting to sit up, she decided to just lay there. She didn't even know if she could conjure up the energy to get up if she tried. Every part of her just felt so... drained.

Their bedroom door creaked open slowly. She assumed Lexa was checking in on her, but she had her back turned to the door and couldn't see her. The door closed again quietly, followed by the sound of retreating steps down the hallway.

She should maybe feel bad about not letting Lexa know she was awake. She had been nothing but supportive the night before, even as Clarke woke up again and again with a cry tearing its way out of her throat.

Lexa had been a constant comfort, her arms a safe haven and her words a soothing balm.

But Clarke had _failed_. She had failed so spectacularly, and within the first few months of working at the hospital. She had _lied_ to a little boy, and caused irreversible heartbreak to his mother and father.

She could still see Tanner's mom collapse into her husband's arms as Clarke told them the news. The image was seared into the back of her eyelids, just as the constant screech of the heart monitor flatlining rang in her ears.

Clarke closed her eyes, feeling more tears swelling up. She couldn't believe that she even had any tears left. But she clung to her pillow and let the tears fall across her face silently.

A while later, their bedroom door was pushed open again. Lexa walked over, coming to sit beside Clarke as she looked down at her. She ran her fingers through Clarke's hair gently, coaxing her to open her eyes.

But Clarke didn't want to. She didn't want to look up into her wife's eyes to see the disappointment and shame that was undoubtedly there. She felt disappointed in herself enough as it was. She felt enough guilt and shame for not being able to save that little boy. The weight of his lost life weighed heavily on her shoulders, and she knew she would just break if she saw Lexa's disappointment in her.

Why wouldn't Lexa be disappointed in her? Why shouldn't everyone that knows her be disappointed in her? She had let a little boy die, his life slipping through her fingers without her being able to do anything about it.

Another tear trailed across her cheek, and Lexa's thumb was there to wipe it away. "Clarke?" she tried, her voice barely above a whisper.

Clarke couldn't help but cringe away. She hated herself for it - hated herself for a lot of things now - but she couldn't just _be_. Lexa was so good, and so kind, and so loving. And Clarke's hands were the hands of a killer. She had killed a little boy, and she couldn't let the loving, beautiful hands of her wife touch her.

Lexa should hate looking at her. She should hate touching her. She should be the one moving away.

Clarke hid her face in her pillow, just knowing that if she were to look at her wife, she'd see the judgement there. The judgement she deserved for her failure.

She couldn't stomach the thought.

And when Lexa's weight lifted off the bed, Clarke choked on a sob.

_She_ had done that. _Clarke_ had made Lexa walk away and leave. And she deserved it. She deserved to be left to wallow and wail and cry and hurt by herself. Because she had broken a family, took an innocent life before it had a chance to be lived fully.

The bed sank slightly as Lexa sat on her side of the bed, turning to lay down beside Clarke. Her arm wrapped around Clarke's middle, pulling her in closer. The warmth felt so good, but Clarke tried to pull away. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve the comfort Lexa was offering.

"Clarke," Lexa said, her voice sad and almost begging. She tugged Clarke closer again, not letting her pull back again. "Don't."

"I don't--" Clarke tried, voice raspy and cracking.

She felt Lexa shake her head. "You do. You're okay. I've got you."

Clarke shook her head over and over. She curled in on herself, her legs coming up between them and pushing Lexa back a little. " _No_."

"Clarke. Stop. Please," Lexa said sternly, her voice easing with her plea. She wrapped around Clarke as well as she could, curling around her body like a protective shield. Her lips pressed to the crown of Clarke's head, lingering there. "Let me be here," she begged against Clarke's hair.

And Clarke didn't have the strength to fight her off. She didn't _want_ to fight her off. Because Lexa was there, and she was offering comfort and protection and love, and Clarke wouldn't, _couldn't_ push that away anymore.

She needed her.

She needed her warmth. She needed her love. She needed her protection and strength and sturdiness. She couldn't stand on her own right now, and Lexa was offering to be her crutch and her strength.

So Clarke let her.

She let Lexa hold her and comfort her once again. She sank into her wife's arms, feeling herself shrink more and more in Lexa's strong arms.

And Lexa let her cry. _Again_.

_God_ , did Clarke feel like she had cried every last ounce of fluid out of her body. She didn't feel like she could cry anymore. But then the image of little Tanner on the operating table, or his mother crumpling in his father's arms, would flash through Clarke's mind and more tears would fall. Her body would shake and her breaths would stutter. Her heart clenched in her chest, and every part of her felt _weak_.

But still, Lexa held her. She didn't let Clarke pull away. Didn't let her turn her back on her or block her out.

Clarke felt Lexa's hand rubbing up and down her leg, applying the slightest of pressure as she stroked down it. And Clarke knew that her wife wanted her to stretch back out, to stop curling in on herself like she was.

It took a while, but Lexa was successful. Just like she always seemed to be when it came to calming Clarke down. She coaxed her out of her tight ball, her legs tangling with Clarke's as they stretched out on the bed. She pulled Clarke in tighter, breathing calmly all the while and being a constant source of strength.

"Do you want to eat?" Lexa asked quietly, what could have been hours later. The smell that Clarke had woken up to had dissipated so much that she couldn't even catch a whiff of it anymore. She was sure that she'd ruined whatever breakfast Lexa had prepared for her by putting it off.

One more thing to add to things she's ruined.

Clarke shook her head. She couldn't even think of eating without feeling a tightness coiling in her stomach.

Lexa sighed. "You need to eat, love."

Another shake of her head.

"Baby," Lexa tried again. She pressed a kiss to Clarke's head before continuing. "I need you to eat, okay? Just something small. Can you do that for me?"

And Clarke could never deny Lexa that. She didn't want to hurt her or upset her. So she nodded numbly. She'd eat, if it'd make Lexa happy.

"Alright." Another gentle kiss, and then Lexa's arms were withdrawing from around her slowly. "I'm going to go get you something, okay? I'll be right back." She kissed Clarke's cheek before sitting up on the bed. "I love you, Clarke."

And then she was gone, and Clarke was alone again. She debated getting up or at least sitting up. But, again, that seemed like too much effort. She just didn't have the energy to move.

She almost wished that Lexa wouldn't come back. That she'd let Clarke just slowly decompose into nothing.

But, of course, Lexa came back, a small plate of food and a cup in her hands. "Can you sit up for me, love?"

Again with requesting things that she knew Clarke would have to agree to. Because it was Lexa, and Clarke would do anything for her that she could.

So she rolled over onto her back, slowly forcing herself to sit up and lean back on their headboard. And for the first time that morning, Clarke met Lexa's eyes.

She frowned in surprise. Because that wasn't the look she was expecting. Even with Lexa having just held her for what could have been hours, she still expected disappointment.

Why wouldn't Lexa be disappointed in a wife that couldn't manage to keep one little boy safe? She was a failure as a surgeon, and Lexa had every right to be disappointed in her.

But the look Lexa was giving her was anything but disappointed. It was loving and gentle and encouraging.

Everything that Clarke didn't deserve.

So she looked down and away, staring at her hands in her lap.

Lexa sat down next to her, offering the plate to her. "Just some toast and a bit of scrambled eggs, alright? Then some juice."

Clarke took the plate without looking up. She ate silently, knowing that Lexa was watching her every move to make sure she ate it all. The lump in her stomach grew heavier with each bite.

Lexa took the plate back when Clarke was finished, handing over the small glass of juice after. Clarke sipped at it slowly.

"Can you look at me?" Lexa asked gently when Clarke stopped taking her small sips of juice. Clarke hesitated, but eventually looked up. She stared at Lexa's forehead, not willing to look in her eyes just then. "Clarke," Lexa said pointedly.

Clearly her avoidance was noticed.

Lexa inched closer on the bed slowly. Clarke met Lexa's eyes for just a second before looking away again. "Why won't you look at me, love?" Lexa asked gently, sounding so, so sad.

"I don't..." Clarke started. Her brow scrunched in frustrated confusion. "How can you look at _me_?" she asked instead.

"What do you mean?" Lexa asked, head tilting slightly.

"How can you look at me, knowing that I killed him?" Clarke clarified, her voice getting stronger. And she found that she was angry with herself. She was so, so angry. And Lexa wasn't angry with her, but she should be. She should be disgusted and disappointed and _angry_. "I killed a little boy. I took him from his family before they could even say goodbye. I made them _broken_. I took his life in my hands, promised to help him, and _didn't_."

Lexa's shoulders drooped in sadness. "Clarke, you tried everything you could."

"You don't know that! I missed _something_. There had to be _something_ that I could have done to save him! Something I didn't see or didn't try or didn't _know_. I wasn't _good enough_ ," Clarke growled out. The anger burning in her was suffocating. It was like a fire in her chest that had been lingering as embers and was now fully engulfing her. Because she _wasn't_ good enough. Just like she always feared. And a little boy suffered because of it. His family would never be able to hold him again or play with him or even talk to him, because Clarke wasn't _good enough_.

Lexa reached out to her, but Clarke shrugged her off. "Clarke, you know that's not true."

"Like hell it's not." She glared at Lexa. If she couldn't see how inadequate Clarke was, then Clarke would just have to show her. She'd have to prove it. Because Lexa needed to _see_ what Clarke had been trying to tell her this entire time. " _I'm not good enough_ , Lexa. If he had gone to another surgeon, he would still be _alive_. He'd be breathing and laughing and happy. His family would still be together. But because I _fucked up_ , he doesn't get that chance. He doesn't get to grow up or play soccer or give advice to his little brother. He doesn't get to go to high school or college or get married some day. He gets to lay in a cold coffin and be put in the ground and his family gets to suffer and cry and _it's my fault_." She pushed herself off of the bed, her anger giving her the energy to actually move again. "It's my damn fault for not realizing what needed to be done in that operating room. I cut too close or cut too far or I missed something in his tiny little body that should have been taken care of. He was _eight_ , Lexa. Eight years old, and suffering from a disease that should have been taken care of with a surgery. A surgery that I was sure I could do. But _I couldn't_. I couldn't, and now he's dead and there's nothing I can do about it."

Lexa looked up at her from the bed. She took a deep breath and swung her legs over the side, putting her feet on the floor. "Come here."

"No."

"Clarke. Come here."

" _No_. Damn it, Lexa. No. No more comfort. I don't _deserve_ comfort. I screwed up fatally. What aren't you getting about that?" She scowled down at her, fists clenched at her sides. Because Lexa _needed_ to understand. She needed to see the kind of damned failure that Clarke was. She needed to see the blood on her hands.

"Clarke Griffin-Woods. Get your ass over here right now," Lexa demanded sternly. Clarke glared back for a moment, meeting Lexa's fierce gaze. Then she huffed out a frustrated breath and took the few steps needed to stand directly in front of Lexa.

"What?" she barked out, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly.

Lexa reached out and held Clarke's hips in her hands firmly, not allowing her to move away again. It was restraining, but also grounding in a way, and Clarke couldn't figure out if she welcomed the touch or hated it at that moment. "You listen to me and listen damn well, Clarke. You are an amazing surgeon." Clarke tried to deny it angrily, but Lexa continued, her voice raised over Clarke's. "You're an amazing surgeon," she repeated. "And something went wrong with Tanner. But you _tried_. I know you, and I know you did everything that you could to save that little boy's life. His family knows that. Your colleagues know that. _He_ knew that. And you better start believing that, because I know deep down that you know it's true."

" _Trying_ isn't good enough," Clarke ground out. "Every day that I go into that operating room, I need to know what I'm doing. I need to know without a doubt that I can do the surgery I'm supposed to. I can't just _try_ to do it. I should have been able to save him. I should have known what--"

"You knew what to do. You were doing the surgery exactly like you were supposed to. But something went wrong. Something you couldn't control and couldn't have expected." Lexa took a deep breath, standing up without loosening her grip on Clarke's hips. They breathed in each other's air for a moment before Lexa continued. "He was sick. You said that yourself. He was sick, and his body just couldn't handle the surgery. _That isn't your fault_."

"I wasn't good en--"

"You _are_ good enough," Lexa said, cutting her off. "You need to stop it with this 'not good enough' shit. You're an amazing surgeon who knows how to do her job. You know what you're doing. But even you can't predict every situation. You can't know how every surgery is going to go. And sometimes life throws people a shitty hand. Tanner shouldn't have had to go through that. He shouldn't have gotten sick, and he shouldn't have needed to have surgery in the first place. But he did. And he and his parents knew that you would do everything in your power to take care of him. But they also knew how sick he was. They knew there was a chance that he wouldn't make it through. You can't keep blaming yourself for his body giving out." Lexa softened, the tension dropping from her shoulders. "You did everything you could, Clarke. And now you get up, and you keep doing your best. Because the next Tanner needs your help. He needs you to get back in the game, and save his life. Because you _can_. And you will."

"What if I lose him, too?" Clarke asked, her voice weaker than before. She felt the fight draining out of her. She didn't believe Lexa. Not really. But at the same time, she wanted to believe her _so badly_.

Lexa leaned forward and pressed a loving kiss to Clarke's forehead. "It's hard, and we can't understand why it happens, but sometimes people just can't pull through. But you can't blame yourself for that. You just keep trying because there are kids out there that _will_ pull through, but only with your help. You're amazing, Clarke. And you are going to help so many kids and their families."

"Aren't you disappointed in me?" Clarke asked brokenly. She leaned toward Lexa, hoping and praying that her wife would still accept her. Maybe she didn't deserve it, but she _needed_ it. She needed Lexa and her reassurances and wisdom and love. She needed her strength. She just needed her.

Lexa let go of Clarke's hips and wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist instead. "I could never be disappointed in you, Clarke. You tried so hard and did so well. And I know you're going to keep trying." She kissed Clarke's temple and held her impossibly tighter. "I love you, and I am so proud of you."

And maybe it would take a while, but Clarke hoped that she'd come to believe Lexa's words. She wanted to keep working and keep trying. She wanted to save those she could, and help those she couldn't save. She wanted to give Lexa a reason to be proud of her.

So she'd get up. She'd go back to work. And she'd try again.

* * *

 

"Clarke?"

Clarke sat up from where she was hunched over her desk at work, turning in her chair to look at her coworker. She nodded for him to continue.

"There's someone here that would like to see you," Adam said, nodding toward the hall. "I wanted to make sure that you were free before I sent her in."

Clarke sighed and pushed some hair behind her ear. She assumed it was Lexa. Because only Lexa would be worried and concerned enough to show up at Clarke's work to check up on her, even though they had just been texting not even half an hour ago. "I'm free. Thank you, Adam."

Adam nodded and disappeared back out into the hall. And then a woman was walking in and Clarke both stiffened and crumbled at the same time.

"Hello, Doctor Griffin-Woods," Katherine said as she walked in. Katherine, Tanner's mother. The woman that Clarke hurt beyond repair.

"Please, call me Clarke." She motioned to the other chair in her office. "Sit."

Katherine did so slowly. She looked around Clarke's office, noticeably avoiding Clarke's gaze. And Clarke couldn't blame her. If she met with the person that had essentially killed her son, she wouldn't want to look at them either.

So Clarke waited, giving the woman as long as she needed to say whatever it was that she had come to say. (Clarke both feared and hoped that she was going to yell at her. She deserved to be yelled at.)

Finally, Katherine took a deep breath and looked at Clarke. "Tanner's funeral is Saturday. Jack and I wanted to invite you."

Clarke stared at her, slack-jawed. It made no sense. Unless, of course, they wanted to be able to point out the reason why their son was dead - the person that let them all down.

But Katherine just shook her head and smiled sadly. "You were a hero to him, Clarke. Whenever we came home from an appointment, it was 'Dr. Clarke' this, and 'Dr. Clarke' that. He loved you." She took a deep, steadying breath. "We knew going into the surgery that there was a possibility that he wouldn't make it. But we also knew he would have died without the surgery, too. He was so brave, our little Tanner. So brave about it all. And you were always there to make him laugh when he came in. Even before the surgery, you were there, laughing with him. I don't think... Clarke, his last moments were filled with laughter because of you. He was _happy_."

"But I--"

Katherine held up her hand to silence Clarke. "You tried your best for him. We all know that. And he fought and tried his best. But he just--" she was choked off with a sob. And Clarke immediately went to her, offering a hug that was quickly accepted. "He couldn't make it. He tried, and you tried, and we hoped so badly that he'd make it. But he couldn't."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't help him. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Clarke repeated over and over like a mantra, her own tears falling freely. She had made this woman the broken form of what she was before. She had been the cause of this pain. And she _hated_ herself for it.

Katherine shook her head, pushing Clarke away from her, but holding onto her arms firmly as she met her gaze. "This is not your fault. You _did_ help Tanner. You helped all of us. You made his last few months comfortable. You didn't even know him, but you offered him love and what joy you could. We--" she broke off again, clearing her throat and wiping at another errant tear. "We are so thankful for you, Clarke. And we want you to be there as we remember him."

Clarke nodded, biting her lip and trying to hold back more tears. "I-I'll be there," she stuttered out. "Can I do anythi--"

"No. Please, just come. The rest of our family would like to meet the woman who made Tanner's life a little bit better in the end."

And Clarke couldn't stop the tears that escaped then. Because Tanner deserved so much better than he got, and she deserved so much worse than what she was getting. And yet, here was Tanner's mom, offering a hand of forgiveness and thanks instead of accusations and damnation. She didn't understand. Clarke _couldn't_ understand. But she was so, _so_ thankful. "Of course."

Katherine smiled sadly, nodding with a sigh. "We'll see you Saturday. Thank you, Clarke." And then she left, and Clarke was alone in her office, staring after the woman who offered her healing.

" _Thank you_."

* * *

 

Lexa, of course, offered to go with Clarke on Saturday. To at least _drive_ her. Because she knew that Clarke wouldn't be fit to drive after the service (and likely before, if she was being honest). She was actually sure that very few people would be. And, while it hurt her to watch Clarke hurt so much, she knew she'd be able to at least make sure Clarke got home safely.

Clarke consented. She felt selfish for doing so. Why should she, the one that failed this family so spectacularly, be offered comfort and safety when they were the ones broken beyond repair? (No matter how much she wanted to accept Katherine's words as fact, she just couldn't believe them. She hated, _hated_ , herself more and more every day.)

But still, she accepted it. Because Lexa was offering, and Clarke wanted it very badly.

So on Saturday, they got ready, Lexa dressing appropriately as well just in case Clarke needed her to go in. And out of respect, of course. It was a day of mourning, and they'd respect that in every way they could.

The last time Clarke had to dress for a funeral was when her dad died. The last time Lexa had to was for her parents. Neither of them wanted to dwell on those events for too long.

"Are you ready, love?" Lexa asked quietly, peeking back into their bedroom. She had left Clarke to finish getting ready, going to pull the car around to make everything as easy as she could for Clarke.

Clarke was sitting on their bed, her head in her hands as she sat bent over. She shook her head minutely, not looking up.

Lexa sat next to her, close enough that their arms were brushing. "We have time. Do you want to talk?"

Another little shake of her head.

"Can I get anything for you?"

And another.

So Lexa and Clarke just sat in silence. Lexa waited patiently, not pressuring Clarke to move any faster than she was able to. The drive to where the service was being held wasn't that long, and they were ready early enough that they'd have time to spare. So they could sit.

And sit.

And sit.

Finally, Clarke took a deep breath and sat up straight. "Alright."

Lexa nodded, standing and offering Clarke her hand. Clarke took it, letting Lexa continue to hold on to her hand as she led her toward the door of their apartment. She accepted the jacket Lexa offered, and the guiding touch out the door, and the offering of opening and closing the car door. She was numb, accepting, and just... dazed.

Lexa frowned a little as she watched Clarke. She knew her wife was getting lost in her thoughts again. She knew she was shutting down like she had those years ago when they had spent the anniversary of Jake's death together for the first time. Unfortunately, she also knew that Clarke would have to work her own way out of it is. She'd adjust as she could, coming back to Lexa slowly. But she would come back, and Lexa would offer any guidance back that she could.

"Buckle," Lexa instructed when she got into the driver's seat. Clarke's brow furrowed slightly, as if she hadn't even realized that she hadn't buckled.

Lexa waited until Clarke was set and then pulled out of the parking lot, heading toward the service.

They drove in silence. No radio. No talking. Just the sound of the car's engine and the outside world passing them by. Lexa left her hand on the center console, offering but not demanding.

Clarke didn't take it. Lexa didn't even know if she noticed it there.

When they arrived at the church, the parking lot was already close to filled. Tanner very clearly had a lot of people who cared about him. A lot of people who missed him.

Lexa pulled into one of the few empty spots left and let out a breath. They both looked forward, watching the people that had come trail into the building in front of them. So many people.

"I don't know if I can do this, Lex." Clarke's voice shook, trembling with nerves and sadness. Lexa moved her hand to lay comfortingly on Clarke's thigh.

"I can go with you," she offered, still staring out the windshield. Clarke kept her eyes locked forward as well.

But her hand did move, tracing over Lexa's before gripping at it like a lifeline. "Are you sure? Should I do this alone?"

"You don't have to do anything alone, Clarke. And you don't have to face this alone, either."

"Am I being selfish?" Her lip trembled and her jaw tightened. She didn't _want_ to be weak. But this... this was something more than anyone could really be prepared for.

Lexa shook her head. "No. You're not being selfish."

Clarke took a deep breath, her eyes closed. When she opened them again, she gave one sure nod. "Okay." And then she let go of Lexa's hand and exited the car, Lexa joining her not a minute later.

She took Lexa's hand when it was offered.

Together, they walked toward the building. Some people looked at them strangely, not recognizing them from family reunions or friendly get togethers. Clarke stiffened, but her steps didn't falter as Lexa walked beside her.

Katherine wanted her here. She invited her to come. And Clarke would honor Tanner by making it through. He deserved that much. He deserved so much more.

There was a large picture of Tanner smiling placed above the coffin at the front of the sanctuary. Clarke's steps faltered then. Her breath shook, and if it weren't for Lexa's reassuring squeeze of her hand, she may have frozen in place. Because the little boy she failed to save was smiling out at everyone in the room, and he would never _actually_ smile out at them again. None of them would hear the laugh that was clear in his photo. None of them would see his excitement or his joy again.

Because Clarke had failed. _Clarke's_ hands had been insufficient to fix him.

They were stopped when their path was blocked suddenly. Clarke took a moment for her eyes to focus on the woman in front of them. And her heart clenched when she realized who it was.

"I'm so glad you came. Jack is busy at the moment, but he'll be so relieved you're here."

Lexa looked between Clarke and the woman, confused, but also realizing that this person must be Tanner's mother.

"Of course. I hope you don't mind that I brought my wife. I couldn't--"

Katherine shook her head. "It's not a problem. I understand. We all need someone right now." She turned to Lexa and held out her hand. "I'm Katherine, Tanner's mom. We're so glad you both made it. Tanner loved Clarke and would have hated if she missed this."

Lexa shook her hand with a sad smile. "Lexa. I know it never helps, but I'm so sorry for your loss."

It looked like Katherine tried to smile, but her lips barely lifted before they fell again. "I'll let you two find some seats. Please stay for the dinner afterward. It'll be... well, not fun. But we're going to try to celebrate Tanner."

Clarke nodded and Katherine walked away, going to greet another guest. Presumably a family member by the hug Katherine gave her and the way they clung to each other.

Lexa gave a little questioning tug on Clarke's hand, and they began walking again, finding seats toward the back of the sanctuary.

And then they waited.

* * *

 

The service was heart-wrenching.

There were tears. A lot of tears. But there was also laughter, especially as Jack, Tanner's father, took the stage and told story after story of the mischief Tanner used to get up to.

Clarke shook as Katherine got up to speak - as Katherine's eyes landed on her and stayed. And she crumbled in her seat as Katherine thanked her, in front of everyone gathered. She thanked her for _trying_. For doing what no other doctor that they consulted would have. And she thanked her for the laughter and the love that she showed Tanner every day up until his last.

People were looking at her, and Clarke shrunk under the heavy weight of their stares. Lexa gave her hand another reassuring squeeze, promising silently to stand by her through this. Clarke drew strength from it, from her.

When Tanner's mom continued on, talking about Tanner's life instead of about Clarke, the doctor that _tried_ but _failed_ , Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulders. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to Clarke's temple. "It's okay."

Clarke just shook her head, her entire body trembling with the effort of holding in her sobs.

"Do you want to step out?"

A shaky but adamant nod.

So Lexa stood as subtly as possible and pulled Clarke up with her. She led her out into the foyer, letting the door close behind them before pulling Clarke into her arms.

And Clarke crumbled, grasping at Lexa's back and holding her as close as she could. She cried great, heaving sobs into Lexa's shoulder, her entire body shaking with every one.

Lexa held her, offering what comfort she could. She held just as tightly as Clarke did. She pressed kisses to her hair, whispering comforting words to her all while keeping an eye on the door to make sure that they weren't interrupted. Because Clarke needed a moment, and she'd get a moment even if Lexa had to protect her from the world.

"They should hate me," Clarke sobbed out.

"Shh," Lexa shushed her gently. "They hate the outcome, not the hands that tried to save their son."

"I _failed_ to save their son."

"You did everything you could."

Clarke shook even harder, her head rocking back and forth against Lexa's shoulder. "I failed. I failed, I failed, I failed," she repeated over and over.

Lexa cupped the back of Clarke's head with her hand, holding her steadily against her. "You didn't fail. You tried everything you could."

The door to the sanctuary pushed open slowly, and Jack quietly stepped out. He pushed the door back closed behind him, but didn't move closer to the couple. Lexa stared him down (almost glaring), unsure of what his intentions were, while Clarke remained oblivious to his presence. His expression was blank as he watched them.

"I should have tried harder. He didn't deserve to die," Clarke cried.

"No, he didn't." Lexa continued to watch Jack as she began rocking Clarke slowly. "He didn't deserve to die. But you did everything you could to save him. You did everything you knew to do. And you were willing to try. His parents know that. His family knows that."

Clarke moaned as if she was in physical pain. " _Why_ , though? They have every right to hate me. Every right to curse every breath I take." Her sobs were calming down to a steady stream of tears, and her voice shook every time she spoke.

"Because you did what others wouldn't. Tanner loved you, Clarke." Clarke startled at the new voice, spinning around to look at Jack. She didn't even try to wipe away her tears. "He loved you. And we love you for trying and for making him laugh. You meant everything to him those last few days. I know that Katherine already told you, but we are so thankful that it was you that was looking over him."

"If it was someone else--"

Jack shook his head. "No one else would even try. They saw him and saw a lost cause. But you were willing to try. You were willing to give us that hope, give _him_ that hope. Every time you walked in the room, he lit up. You gave him _hope_ again. Any other doctor, even if they were willing to try, would have just seen him as another case. But you treated him like something more. Like a friend. And _that_ is what he needed. I wish--" his voice cracked and his expression crumbled. "I wish he was still here. I wish with everything in me that I could have taken his place. But I am _so thankful_ that you gave him a happy ending. His last memory was of you smiling down at him as you pretended to race him down the hall. Katherine and I even laughed a little when you did. And that... _that_ is why we aren't angry with you."

Lexa's arms wrapped around Clarke's middle, helping to hold her up. And Clarke could do nothing but nod, trying to hold in more tears. Because this family gave her more than she could ever wish for.

Jack nodded once, wiping at his eye quickly. "The service is almost finished. People will be coming out soon for the reception after. I expect to see you both there."

Another little nod from Clarke and Jack turned, walking back into the sanctuary.

Clarke clung to the arms around her, her head tilting forward as more tears fell.

"You're okay," Lexa whispered behind her, kissing the back of her head again and again. "You're okay."

* * *

 

 

It took some time, but Clarke got back into the swing of things at work.

She had a great support group of fellow surgeons. And, while she would be forever grateful for the support her wife gave her, she really needed that group of people who knew what it was like. They knew what it was like, losing that first patient, and they came to Clarke without her having to ask. They provided that extra push she needed to get back into her scrubs and go into the operating room again.

It took some time, but Clarke did it. And the next little boy like Tanner, she saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it through! That’s the last truly difficult part in the story, promise. The rest isn’t sunshine and daisies, but it is a lot happier. Thanks for sticking through that with me. 
> 
> And thank you to everyone who has commented recently. Seriously, all of your words are so sweet and are so appreciated. I know I respond to each of you personally, but I also wanted to give you a public shout out because you’re inspiring me to write again, and I really, truly thank you for that. 
> 
> Next update will be eventually. Surgery’s tomorrow, so wish me luck! (And thank you for all the well wishes. You’re all so sweet.)
> 
> Comments/Kudos are fantastic and I’ll loce them forever. Or find me on tumblr @musiclurv.


	67. I'm Borrowing a Love Song from the Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions, introductions, and support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to a happier time.

"Clarke? Can you get Gus in his harness?" Lexa shouted down the hall, struggling with her jogging shirt. _Stupid long sleeves. Stupid static. Stupid colder weather._

"Sure thing, babe!" Clarke yelled back, her voice echoing down the hall. "Gus!" And then Lexa heard Gus' nails hitting the hardwood flooring of their apartment as he raced down the hall to Clarke. He barked excitedly, and Lexa could just imagine him, tail wagging and tongue hanging out, as he ran to Clarke.

Lexa walked out of their bedroom (after _finally_ getting her shirt to cooperate), to find Gus and Clarke waiting for her. "All set?" she asked, scratching behind Gus' ear to get his tail wagging even more.

"You do know that I'm not jogging with you, right?" Clarke asked, brow raised as she looked over Lexa's attire.

Taking Gus' leash, Lexa chuckled. "I'd never even think such a sacrilegious thing."

Clarke nodded. "Okay, good." She took her keys off the hook and opened the door for Lexa. "So this is just a leisurely walk in the park?"

Lexa smiled innocently. "For you. I'm going to take Gus for a run."

"You're going to leave me to walk by myself?" Clarke asked with a gasp as she followed her wife and dog out to the car. "I can't believe you."

With a smirk, Lexa put Gus into the back seat and spun to face her wife. She wrapped her arms around Clarke's middle and placed a chaste kiss to her lips. "You're welcome to join us."

"Do you have a cart or something in the back? Maybe a wagon? I'm sure we could hitch it up to Gus." Clarke tapped her chin jokingly. "Or maybe you," she said with a hum.

Lexa quirked a brow. "That's not happening."

"Then I guess I'm walking."

"Don't think you can keep up?" Lexa challenged with a cocky little smirk.

Clarke hummed, winding her arms around Lexa's waist to put her hands in Lexa's back pockets. Well, where her pockets would be (and Lexa assumed Clarke thought were there. Otherwise her wife just wanted to feel her up in the semi-public area of the parking lot. Which, come to think of it, wasn’t completely unlikely). Clarke gave a little squeeze once here hands settled. "I know I don't want to _try_ to keep up. Too much effort for this fine fall day. And besides, the view from behind is so nice."

Lexa rolled her eyes and pulled away from Clarke, taking the keys to the car. "You won't be able to see it the whole time if you don't run with us."

"Then why am I even coming along on this trip?" Clarke asked, getting into the car beside Lexa. Gus popped his head forward between their seats, tongue lolling out of his mouth and breathing excitedly.

"To get some fresh air on this 'fine fall day'."

"Oh, is that all?"

Lexa smiled cheekily at her wife. "And maybe to carry the bag with some warmer clothes for me once we finish."

"Ah-ha!" Clarke said, pointing her finger at Lexa accusingly. "I knew there were ulterior motives to you dragging me out with you two."

"You can't deny that a day at the park sounds nice."

Clarke just hummed, conceding the point. "Maybe a day in the park walking beside my wife and dog would be a bit nicer, though."

Lexa hit her forehead as if she forgot something. "Oh damn. We should have brought Norman. That worked out so well for you the last few times."

"Hey, last time I brought him, someone gave me their number. So I'd say it was pretty successful," Clarke teased.

Lexa glowered in her seat, scowling out at the road. "Yeah, I remember," she grumbled. Gus barked excitedly as they pulled into the park's parking lot, laying a slobbery lick on Lexa's cheek. "That was totally unnecessary," Lexa said, wiping at her cheek.

"Aaw, babe. He just wanted to show you some love." Clarke turned and cooed at Gus, scratching happily at the sides of his face. Gus just barked again, tail wagging happily.

"So I get a slobbery kiss and you get a happy bark."

"He loves me more than you."

Lexa turned to look at Gus once she was parked. She glared at him as he moved around on the back seat. "Traitor."

Clarke laughed, leaning over to give Lexa a kiss on her (non-slobbery) cheek. "You'll always be my number one, babe."

Lexa sighed dejectedly, turning back in her seat to open her door. "I guess there's that, at least."

"Hey!" Clarke yelled, quickly climbing out of the car to look at Lexa over the roof. " _At least?_ "

Lexa just shrugged, opening the door for Gus and gathering his leash quickly so that he wouldn't try to dart away. "It's something, anyway."

"Rude!" Clarke yelled again with a laugh. "I see how it is. What's going to happen when our children love me more? Are you going to be even grumpier about it?"

With a scoff, Lexa took Clarke's hand as they walked toward the park's main path. "As if. Our kids are going to love me so much more than you, Clarke."

"You wish. I'm totally going to be the favorite mom."

"Lies and blasphemy."

Clarke glared at her as they walked, Lexa pretending to be none-the-wiser as they continued walking along. "Well I guess we should get this settled once and for all, then," Clarke challenged.

_That_ made Lexa pull to a stop abruptly. Gus pulled at his leash with a whine, but finally stopped to sit beside Lexa anyway. Clarke continued to walk until she felt the pull on her hand. Lexa stared at her dumbfounded as she turned back. "What did you just say?" Lexa asked, voice barely loud enough for Clarke to hear.

"That we should get this settled once and for all," Clarke repeated with a little, soft smile on her lips. She took a small step back to Lexa, their hands still clasped between them. "Only one way to find out for sure, right?" she gave a nonchalant shrug, though the fidgeting of her fingers and chewing of her lip gave away her nervousness.

"And you're suggesting..."

Clarke huffed out a little exasperated breath. "That maybe we should think about expanding our family again? Yeah. I mean..." she trailed off, biting her lip again for a moment in thought. "We've been married over a year now. And we're settled. I'm working at the hospital and you have this next book about to be published. I think we're sitting pretty comfortably, right? So... no better time than the present, right?" She smiled shakily at Lexa.

"We'll have to buy a bigger car."

Clarke stared at her for a moment, mind working over what Lexa just said. And then she huffed again with a fond little roll of her eyes and a step forward. "Is that really what you're going to focus on right now?"

"Well, our child isn't going to sit in the back with Gus, that's for sure. Maybe an SUV. That's a mom-car, right?"

With a laugh, Clarke closed the space between them, reaching up to cup the back of Lexa's neck and play with the hairs that had escaped her ponytail. "Yeah, that's definitely a mom-car."

"You really want to do this?" Lexa asked, her own anxiety and nerves showing up again as she leaned forward to place her forehead against Clarke's. She let her eyes fall closed as she breathed in the moment. Because this was big. _Huge_. Their lives weren't going to be the same again after this.

Clarke nodded, her forehead rubbing against Lexa's. "I really do. I want to have a baby with you."

Lexa took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Alright. Where do we start?"

* * *

 

_Where do we start_ was apparently easily answered. Clarke knew loads of doctors and had plenty of contacts to get in touch with for the next steps they'd need to take.

Lexa's next step, however, was letting her sister know that she was going to be an aunt pretty soon, if everything worked out. Of course, Clarke and Lexa knew that the process could take years, but they still wanted their families to know that they were trying. It's not like they could brush it off as an accident or something. Their families would know that they had been hiding it from them eventually.

So Lexa decided to tell Anya now rather than wait for the inevitable beat-down if she held this information back from her.

"What's up, nerd?" Anya asked, sliding into the booth across from Lexa. They had decided to meet for dinner, Lexa only telling Anya that she had something she needed to talk to her about face-to-face.

Lexa fidgeted with her glass of water, avoiding eye contact. Anya, in her 'all-knowingness' (or so she'd claim), knew to let Lexa start talking when she was ready. So they sat in silence, the waiter bringing by another glass of water for Anya, asking if they were ready to order.

Anya's eyes darted between Lexa and the waiter before she apparently came to a conclusion. "Can you bring us a couple beers? Whatever you have on tap is fine."

The waiter nodded and left them again, arriving shortly after with the two drinks and placing them on the table for them. Anya nudged Lexa's toward her and smirked a little when she took a long draw from it.

"I have news," Lexa finally said, thumping her glass back down onto the table.

Anya quirked a brow. "I gathered."

"Don't be an ass."

"I am what I am," Anya said with a nonchalant shrug, taking a sip from her own beer. "Now spill. What's the news?"

"Clarke and I--" Lexa started before cutting herself off with a scrunch of her brow and an annoyed shake of her head. "We--you're--I--"

"Okay, let's try this again, but without stuttering over yourself. Deep breath... and go," Anya prompted.

Lexa took a deep breath and finally just blurted out, "Clarke and I are going to have a baby."

Anya stared at her, gobsmacked. "You're pregnant?" she asked in shock.

"No, no. I'm not pregnant. And neither is Clarke. Yet. But we're going to start trying." She nervously pulled her hands into her lap when Anya just continued to stare at her. "We've already gone to a specialist. They are pretty sure that Clarke won't have a problem conceiving, but even with that they aren't sure how many time it'll take before the treatments stick. And it's going to be a process. I mean, they can't just impregnate her or anything because hormones could be an issue and everything. But we're starting the process and she--"

"Lexa!" Anya finally cut in, shutting up her little sister. "Chill. You don't need to explain everything in one breath." She smirked a little and leaned back in her seat. "Two will do," she teased.

Lexa huffed out an amused breath and rolled her eyes. "You're a jerk."

"A jerk that's about to be an aunt."

"Not for at least a year, probably."

"Still sooner than before when it wasn't even a thought."

Lexa looked down at the table. "Oh, it was a thought."

"Been thinking about this for a while, have you?"

"Well, it's not really something that people decide to do randomly. We've talked about it for a while. Now just seems like the right time to start trying."

Anya looked Lexa over critically. "And you're ready for a kid?"

Lexa barked out an almost hysterical laugh. "Ready? How could I possibly be ready? I know nothing about children. I don't even know how to hold a baby. How am I supposed to be a mom? What if I screw the kid up? What if they hate me? What if Clarke realizes how shitty I am with kids and decides to leave? What--"

"Whoa, whoa," Anya said, leaning forward to grab Lexa's hands from where they were wildly gesticulating through the air. "Calm down. That's a lot of what-if's for a situation that is still months away. Have you talked to Clarke about all of this?"

"And let her know that I don't know if I'm ready for something we've been dreaming about?" Lexa asked with a scoff. "Not likely."

Anya rolled her eyes and sat back in her seat again. "She's your _wife_. I think she'd understand. And she'd probably want to know, don't you think?"

"I don't want to make her more nervous because I'm nervous," she admitted.

"You're a team, aren't you? The parenting thing involves both of you."

"The pregnancy thing just involves her, though."

Anya chuckled lightly. "I'm pretty sure you're going to be the one running around for her, though. You prepared for all the late night food runs? The back massages? The foot rubs? The shaving help? The mood swings?"

"We're still pretty far away from all of that, I think.

Anya pointed at her sister as if she had just solved a riddle. "Exactly. You have time. You'll adjust. And you'll prepare. And blondie will be there every step of the way. She's going to need you just as much as you're going to need her."

Lexa took another deep breath. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm me."

With a roll of her eyes, Lexa took another sip of her beer. "Remind me to teach my kid to _not_ learn humility from you."

Anya shrugged. "Who needs humility when you're as awesome as me?"

"You've been hanging out with Raven again, haven't you?"

"I've actually been keeping pretty busy recently with--" she cut herself off before clarifying any more.

"With?" Lexa prompted, leaning forward with intrigue.

Anya huffed out a breath of frustration. "I actually have some news for you, too."

"Oh? Pray, tell."

"Alright, Shakespeare," Anya said with a roll of her eyes. "I may be... okay, I'm seeing someone," she finally admitted. "I have been for a while now. And he's... I'm kinda serious about him." Seeing Anya fumble through a statement was a bit unnerving. Actually, a lot unnerving. Seeing her fumble through a statement while nervously playing with her fingers was down right newsworthy.

So Lexa did what Anya had done for her thousands of times before. She reached across the table and placed her hands on her older sister's, calming her fidgeting. "Tell me about him?" Lexa asked with an encouraging smile.

Anya's shoulders slumped in relief (because, as she'd explain later, she had never been in a long-term relationship, and this was _new_ and _exciting_ ). She smiled a little as she thought about her boyfriend. "He's great. His name's Roan. He puts up with my shit--"

"Enough said," Lexa said, sitting back with a laugh. "A guy that can make you smile without even being here _and_ that puts up with your shit? He's definitely a winner. When do I get to meet him?"

Anya glared at her. "Never."

"I'll have to meet him eventually, Anya."

"Says who?"

Lexa quirked a brow at her. "Says me. Do you want me to pull a stunt like you did with Clarke?"

Anya's faced paled minutely. "Don't you dare."

"Exactly. So set up something. I want to interrogate this guy and make sure he's good enough for my sister."

"Ugh. Fine. I'll see if he wants to get dinner with my dorky little sister and her wife sometime soon."

"You can't use Clarke as a buffer," Lexa challenged.

"Who said I was using her as a buffer? I'm using her as a leash. She'll keep you in check."

Lexa laughed. "You seriously think that she won't be just as bad about meeting my sister's new lover?"

"Oh god. Maybe I should just hide him away."

"Nope," Lexa said, popping the 'p'. "Too late now. You've already mentioned him. I expect to meet him within the next couple of weeks."

"I take it back. I'm not dating anyone, and there's no one for you to meet. So, are you hoping for a girl or a boy? Have you thought of any names?"

"Oh no. You can't take it back now. I'm meeting Roan, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I'll keep my child away from you until I meet him if I have to."

"You wouldn't dare," Anya said with a glare.

Lexa gave her a smug smirk. "You willing to try me? Little baby Griffin-Woods may never meet their Auntie Anya."

"I will fight you," Anya growled out, scowling at Lexa.

"Already wrapped around the kid's finger, I see."

They stared each other down, each daring the other to not back down. Finally, Anya sat back in her seat. "Fine. Next Friday."

Lexa grinned victoriously. "Next Friday."

* * *

 

Clarke stared at Lexa in shock from the other side of their couch.

"That's my sentiment exactly," Lexa said with a laugh.

"I don't think I've ever known Anya to be in a relationship. Short flings, sure. But a relationship? We need to call CNN," Clarke said, making to get up off the couch. Gus barked happily, trotting toward Clarke in the hopes that they were all about to go on a walk.

Lexa laughed again, pulling Clarke back down on the couch. "I don't think that's quite necessary. She used to date in high school. Then... well, then she had more responsibilities and didn't have the time." Lexa looked over Clarke's shoulder for a moment, staring off into space.

"Hey," Clarke said, taking Lexa's hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Where'd you go?" she asked quietly when Lexa met her gaze again.

"I don't think I ever really realized how much Anya put off to raise me after our parents died. She was dating someone in high school, and they were pretty serious. And then, after Mom and Dad, she just... stopped. I never saw him again." Lexa's face twisted into a look of confusion and frustration. "How had I never noticed that before?"

Clarke scooted closer, cupping Lexa's cheeks and tilting her head down to place a kiss on Lexa's forehead. "You had a lot of things going on. She probably didn't draw a lot of attention to it, knowing Anya."

Lexa shook her head with a little frown. "No, she never even mentioned it."

"She probably didn't want you to notice."

"But I'm her sister. I should have realized what she was doing," Lexa argued.

"You were fourteen."

"I was old enough to see what she was doing."

"Lex," Clarke said pointedly. "She's Anya. If she didn't want you to see something, you wouldn't have seen it. She's possibly more stubborn than you are."

Lexa pouted a little at that. "I'm not stubborn."

Clarke just cocked a challenging brow at her.

"Okay, maybe a little," Lexa conceded with a sheepish smile.

"Exactly. If you were in her position, would you have wanted your little sister to know you were giving up dating for her?"

Lexa shook her head adamantly. "No, because it wouldn't be a sacrifice. I would do anything for my sister."

"Right. You'd protect her and make sure she grew up as normal as possible after your parents died."

Lexa slumped back on the couch, deflating a little. "I guess you're right," she sighed. She ran a hand down her face with a low grumble. "But it's taken this long for me to realize that she was pushing off relationships for me."

"She was coping. And now she's ready to get out there and try for a relationship again."

Clarke laid down between Lexa's legs, resting against her chest and Lexa wound her arms around her. "This is huge. No wonder she seemed so nervous."

Clarke hummed. "So maybe go easy on the guy," she suggested.

Lexa scoffed. "Not likely. This is the first guy that Anya's been serious about since _high school_. I have to make sure he's a decent man now. If I get even a small hint that he could hurt Anya--"

"You'll do nothing. Because love always comes with a little risk." She leant up and pressed a quick kiss to Lexa's jaw. "But if he ever does hurt her, I give you full permission to whip his ass," she said with a smirk against Lexa's lips.

Lexa's arms squeezed tighter around Clarke as she scowled a little. "You'll be ready to help me hide a body?"

Clarke laughed and patted Lexa's arm placatingly. "Of course, baby. Just tell me when and where."

* * *

 

So maybe they wouldn't need to hide a body in the future. Because Roan was a good guy. A really good guy. Quiet, but witty when the moment called for it.

And he put up with Anya's shit, so that was seriously a win in Lexa's book.

"I didn't want you to get soaked," he said calmly, taking another sip of his drink as he watched Anya.

"So you changed my car's tire, in the pouring rain, refusing to let me help, and got soaked yourself." Anya looked over at Lexa blankly. "Logic."

Lexa just shrugged. "Clarke won my heart when she showed up at the library completely soaked. Apparently checking library hours before making the trip was too much to ask."

"Hey!" Clarke said, lightly smacking Lexa's arm. "I just wanted to spend the day with you."

"Which you did. Asleep on me. Because you were tired and cold and wet. And then you got sick and got to spend a whole week with me."

Clarke smirked. "Maybe that was my plan all along."

"Says miss 'I never get sick'," Lexa said with a playful scoff.

Anya rolled her eyes. "Clearly we Woods have a thing for people who look like wet cats."

Roan pulled back, looking offended. "Excuse you. I at least looked like a wet wolf."

"Smelled like one, too," Anya said under her breath, loud enough for everyone at the table to hear.

Clarke laughed, meeting Roan's eyes. "We certainly know how to win the ladies over, don't we?"

Roan hummed, looking Anya over again. "The stubborn ones, especially."

"Don't I know it," Clarke said teasingly, leaning over to lay a kiss on Lexa's cheek. "But they're worth it."

"Agreed."

And the soft look that took over Roan's features when Anya rolled her eyes with a scoff, glaring down at her plate of food with a little smirk, was enough to prove to Lexa that he was the real deal.

* * *

 

"So?" Anya asked nervously as she sat on Clarke and Lexa's couch. Clarke handed her a beer before sitting on their oversized chair. Lexa sat beside Anya, studying her sister silently.

Anya fidgeted with the bottle in her hands, chewing on her lip (though she'd never admit to the actions if asked about them later).

Lexa nodded succinctly. "I approve."

"I know he's quiet, and that you probably didn't get a good grasp of his personality from just one dinner. But I really like him and I think that you will too if you just--" Anya paused her rambling (which was greatly out of character and highly amusing to both Clarke and Lexa who glanced at each other with smirks before looking back to Anya). "Wait. You approve?" Anya asked, shocked and skeptical.

"I approve," Lexa repeated, taking a sip of her beer. "He seems like a good guy. And he can hold his own against the family. Now, Raven may give him a run for his money, but we can hold off on that meeting for a while."

Anya's entire body seemed to lose all tension she was holding as she relaxed back into the couch. "He can handle Raven."

"You say that now. But she's quite protective of people she cares about," Clarke chimed in. "I'm pretty sure she almost scared Lexa off after we became official."

Lexa scoffed and shook her head. "Not likely. I was in way too deep for Reyes to scare me off."

"You still haven't told me what she said to you that day."

Lexa tilted her chin up defiantly. "And I'm not going to."

"Because you're afraid of the wrath of Raven," Clarke teased.

Lexa just scoffed again.

" _Anyway_ ," Anya cut in, rolling her eyes at her sister and sister-in-law. "You're really okay with this?" She looked to Lexa hopefully, and Lexa's tough facade instantly melted.

"Of course I'm okay with it. You seem happy with him."

Anya nodded quickly. "I am. So happy. He's really, really great. He's protective and kind and so gentle when he needs to be. And he's a pain in the ass most of the time, but he's just keeping up with me. And he's super witty and smart and--"

"Anya," Lexa said with a smirk. "You're gushing."

Anya's face twisted into a scowl. "I am not _gushing_."

"You're totally gushing," Clarke said with a laugh

"Well," Anya said, throwing her hand out toward Lexa, "like this one was much better. She couldn't stop talking about you for a single minute when you first started dating."

"She still can't," Clarke said with a smirk, winking at her wife teasingly. "You'll find that's kind of what love's like."

"No one said anything about love."

Clarke stood with a little chuckle, walking behind their couch to pat Anya on the shoulder. "No one had to, An. It's written all over your face."

Anya stared agape at Clarke as she walked out of the room, giving the sisters time to talk some more on their own. She looked back at Lexa, jaw still slack.

Lexa just shrugged, taking another sip of her drink. "She's not wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A BABY!!!
> 
> And Anya has a beau! 
> 
> All good things. And, some sad news (or some happy news, depending how you look at it. Bittersweet?). We only have.... ONE MORE CHAPTER after this. That’s right. Just one more. And then a follow-up that will be a list of all the songs that titles were pulled from and a link to a Spotify playlist that has most (if not all) of the songs included. 
> 
> Before I put up the next chapter, I just wanted to start my thanking now for all of you who have stuck with me from the start, for those that joined last year, and to those that have just started along recently. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You’re all fantastic and I appreciate each and every one of you for your support, whether through only reading, leaving kudos, or commenting. I’ve read every word you’ve left me, thanked every Kudos that I’ve seen, and been incredibly humbled by every hit on this story. So, thank you. 
> 
> Also, because you’ve all been so amazingly supportive, I wanted to let you all be the first (other than my bff who has been with me from the very first word written for TDDSiNTH) to know that a new story will be coming out soon! It’s going to be called something awesome and hopefully you will all love it. I’ve really grown to love it as I’ve been writing it, and while TDDSiNTH will always hold a special place in my heart (as will every other story), I’m really looking forward to this one. Possibly even more. It’s going to be fun, and I hope you all join me for that ride. So turn on your notifications for me to be the first to find out when that one’s posted!!
> 
> Alright, that’s enough for now. One more chapter to go, and we’ll have made it through this marathon. Kudos and comments are always and will always be loved. And you can find me on tumblr @musiclurv.


	68. All this Life I've Lived with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end. Or, the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, folks!

Clarke's leg bounced anxiously as she rode in the passenger's seat of their car. She felt justified for her anxiety, though. She had every right to be anxious. This was huge. Definitely not a small step in their lives. So her nerves were totally reasonable. _Right_.

"Clarke, love," Lexa said with a little chuckle, reaching over to place her hand on Clarke's bouncing thigh. "Relax. Everything's going to be okay."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one about to start getting shots every day for the next few weeks."

Lexa took Clarke's hand, bringing it up to place a gentle kiss on the back of it. "No. But I'm going to be with you for every single one of them."

"You ready to stab me?" Clarke asked with a shaky chuckle.

"You don't want to do it yourself?" Lexa asked, eying the box sitting on the floor in front of Clarke. Clarke nudged the box with her foot, hearing the contents move slightly.

"Doesn't sound like too much fun to me. I mean, if you don't want to, of course I will. But I'd really appre--"

"Clarke," Lexa said, cutting her off with a soft smile. "Of course I'll do it. Anything to help you through this."

Clarke leaned over and pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek. "You're sure?"

"As long as you walk me through what to do, Dr. Griffin-Woods," Lexa agreed with a little smirk. She pulled the car into their parking lot and parked, quickly getting out to open Clarke's door for her and helping her out. She took the box from Clarke's hands and grasped Clarke's hand with her right, the box held firmly against Lexa's left side. "When do we start?"

"Tomorrow."

* * *

  

"Clarke, baby?" Lexa called, walking in the apartment. She placed the grocery bags in her hands on the kitchen counter, walking further into their apartment at the lack of response. "Love, are you home?" she called again.

She pushed their bedroom door open and found Clarke sprawled out on their bed facedown, light snores emitting from her with each even breath. She was still in her scrubs from her day of work, and looked utterly exhausted.

"Oh, love," Lexa cooed quietly, walking over and sitting on the side of the bed. She ran her hand softly down Clarke's back, slowly coaxing her awake. "Hey there, beautiful," she said softly when Clarke's eyes cracked open. "Why don't we get you changed and ready for bed?"

Lexa chuckled when Clarke groaned and burrowed further into the comforter under her.

"I know, love. You're tired. But you'll be so much more comfortable after you change."

"You g'nna join?" Clarke mumbled, words barely coherent.

"In a little bit. I'm going to make some dinner first. Are you hungry?"

"Li'l."

"I thought you would be. Let's get you changed. Then I can go cook something up for us."

Clarke groaned, but sat up so that Lexa could help her out of her scrubs. Her body was heavy and leaned on Lexa like dead weight, but Lexa didn't really mind. She was actually pretty used to having to handle Clarke like this. Her wife's hours at the hospital weren't always the most accommodating to her sleep schedule.

Lexa quickly got Clarke out of her scrubs and into a pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt. "There you go, love." She helped Clarke lay back down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll let you know when dinner's ready."

"M'kay," Clarke hummed, burrowing into her pillow with a content sigh.

Lexa stroked her fingers through Clarke's hair for a moment longer, smiling softly as Clarke relaxed further and further into her sleep.

When she was sure Clarke was asleep and would be until Lexa woke her again, Lexa stood from the bed and made her way to the kitchen, shutting their bedroom door quietly behind her. And then she set to work in the kitchen.

She had three bellies to get cooking for, after all.

* * *

 

"Lex," Clarke whispered, nudging Lexa's shoulder lightly. When she didn't get a response, she tried again a little more forcefully. And, when that only earned her a little moan, Lexa rolling over to face away from Clarke in the bed, Clarke knew she'd have to try a little harder to wake her sleeping wife.

With a pout, Clarke scooted as close to Lexa as her growing baby bump would allow. "Lexa," she whined in her wife's ear, shaking her shoulder more than before.

Finally, Lexa rolled back over and cracked her eyes open. "Yes?" she grumbled out before letting loose a jaw-cracking yawn.

"I'm hungry," Clarke pouted. Her hand reflexively went to rub at her bump, and she stuck her lip out in a firm pout. "We both are."

"Of course you are," Lexa said with a sigh, rubbing a hand down her face as she sat up in bed. "Please tell me that what you want is actually in the house this time."

Clarke cringed. "I said I was sorry about that."

Lexa's irritation melted off her features as she looked down at Clarke. She smiled softly and leaned over to kiss her tenderly. "I know. I'm sorry. That was rude of me."

Clarke leaned up on her elbows to kiss her wife again. "It's okay. I know it's tiring for you, too."

"How long have you been awake this time?" Lexa asked, eying Clarke and her overly exhausted eyes.

Clarke cringed "Over an hour. I was hoping it would go away."

Lexa sighed again, pressing her forehead into Clarke's. "I told you to wake me if you needed anything."

"I know, but with your book tour coming up and meeting with your manager taking up so much of your time, I know how much you need sleep. I didn't want to wake you unless I knew it was absolutely necessary."

"That's sweet," Lexa said with another quick peck to Clarke's lips. She pulled away and stood from the bed with a long stretch. "But I want you to wake me as soon as you need me from now on, alright? I don't actually mind."

"I know you don't."

"Good. Now what are you craving tonight, light of my life?"

Clarke grinned brightly up at her. "Would it be totally too much to ask for barbecue ribs with mayo?"

Lexa looked down at her with a disgusted look on her face. "That sounds disgusting."

"It's what jellybean wants." They had started calling the baby jellybean after Clarke's second month of pregnancy, and it had stuck. And, with neither of them wanting to know the gender of the baby until the delivery day, it worked out well.

Clarke smiled down at her belly and rubbed her hand over it again. Because there was a baby in there that made her crave ridiculous things, and that made her fall in love with him or her more and more every single day.

Lexa sighed and knelt down beside the bed, eye level with Clarke's stomach. She gave the covered area a stern stare and pointed at it. "You're already trouble, you know that?"

"I'm sure they're more than pleased with themselves already."

Lexa hummed. "If they're anything like you, I'm sure they are."

"Are you really going to be mean to your baby's mother like that?"

"My baby's mother is making me go out and find somewhere that's still open and serving ribs for her."

Clarke cringed guiltily. "But your baby's mother loves you very much and will be forever thankful."

With a playful roll of her eyes, Lexa stood. She stooped down to place a kiss on Clarke's head before finding her shoes and shoving them on. Wherever she went would just have to deal with her clothed in her pajama pants and tank. "My baby's mother is also very much loved. By both me and that little trouble maker in there," she said, pointing at Clarke's stomach again as she moved to exit the room.

Clarke grinned widely up at her again. "Love you, Lex!"

"Uh-huh," Lexa said feigning exasperation. "I'll be back soon. And you better still be awake this time."

"Yes, ma'am!" Clarke said with a salute, laughing happily as Lexa rolled her eyes and left the room.

* * *

 

Clarke groaned as she walked into the apartment, trying to not trip over the dog while balancing her large stomach, her heavy purse, the phone to her ear, and the bag of groceries in her hand. "Down, Gus," she mumbled distractedly.

" _Are you listening to me, Clarke?_ "

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom. I'm listening. Make sure to take all the required supplements and go to all my appointments and keep you updated on all progress made. Got it."

" _The tone isn't necessary, Clarke._ "

"What tone? What is it with parents and always thinking there's a tone? That only makes a tone appear, you know," Clarke vented, placing the grocery bag down on their kitchen counter, quickly followed by her purse. She let out a sigh of relief before patting Gus' head and walking out to the living room to sit down on the couch and get her feet up. She put the phone on speaker and set it on the coffee table.

Her mother laughed on the other end of the line. " _Oh, you'll learn all about the tone soon enough. Just you wait. I'll be expecting a call a few years down the line with you ranting about your child getting a tone with you._ "

"Not gonna happen."

" _So you say now._ "

Clarke just humphed and waited for her mother to continue on with her instructions for pregnancy care during Clarke's final trimester. Because Clarke wasn't a doctor. And she hadn't been to an OB multiple times within the last few years. And she totally didn't know all of this already.

She rolled her eyes when her mother asked if she was taking notes.

"You do realize that I know everything about pregnancy that you do, right?"

" _You've never been through it. I have. Listen to your mother._ "

Of course that was when Lexa decided to enter the apartment. "Yeah, Clarke. Listen to your mother."

" _Is Lexa there? Do you have me on speaker? Why didn't you warn me?_ "

"She just got here, Mom." Clarke tilted her head back to accept the greeting kiss that Lexa leant down to give her on her way back to the bedroom. "And she should learn to not jump into other people's conversations.

" _But she's agreeing with me right now, so she should go right ahead and join in. Shouldn't Clarke be taking notes on the advice I'm giving her, Lexa?_ "

"She's in the bedroom," Clarke said.

"But she can still hear!" Lexa shouted from the back of the apartment.

"Do you agree with her, then?" Clarke asked back, an amused smirk on her face when Lexa returned with a confused look.

"Notes?" Lexa asked in a whisper.

"Notes."

Lexa sighed and sunk down on the couch after nudging Clarke forward. She sat down behind her and let Clarke lean back on her, Clarke's legs stretched out over the rest of the couch. "What exactly is she taking notes about?"

" _Everything she should be doing in this last month of pregnancy._ "

"You mean the wild parties we've been throwing should stop? Damn. And I just bought all that booze. What do you think the return policy is on pot?" Lexa said jokingly.

" _Don't even pretend. Clarke better not have touched alcohol within the past year._ "

"Pregnancies only last nine months, Mom."

" _Are you telling me that you started carrying my grandchild with alcohol in your system._ "

Clarke rolled her eyes and gestured at her phone, looking up pleadingly at Lexa. Lexa laughed before speaking up. "She's doing everything she needs to, Abby. I can assure you of that."

Abby hummed thoughtfully before giving up with a sigh. " _Alright. I'll trust you, Lexa. But you hear me, if anything happens to Clarke or this child because you weren't making sure she was doing what she was supposed to--_ "

"I'll be six feet under before I have time to say ‘I should have listened to you.’ Got it."

" _Damn straight._ "

"There's nothing straight about this situation," Clarke joked.

"That was so lame," Lexa laughed out.

"Then why are you laughing?" Clarke asked, looking up at her wife with an amused smile.

Lexa shrugged. "Because you're such a dork."

"A dork you love."

"Damn straight," Lexa agreed with another little laugh. She placed a kiss against Clarke's hair and lingered there, breathing her in.

" _Don't worry. I'm not still on the phone hoping to talk to my daughter and daughter-in-law on one of the last days that they'll probably have to talk to me without worrying about their child. Nope. Not here on the phone, listening in as you two have a conversation while forgetting about me._ "

"Are you finished?" Clarke asked.

" _I guess. Call me if you need anything?_ "

"Will do, Abby."

" _Good. See you both soon. Love you_."

"Love you," Clarke said before reaching over to grab her phone and hang it up. "She's so persistent."

"Sounds like someone else I know."

Clarke sighed and slumped further against Lexa. Lexa's arms came around her to wrap around her rather large stomach. "Yes, your child is incredibly persistent. In fact, if she or he doesn't stop kicking soon, I may pee on this couch."

"How about we get you up and to the bathroom instead? Just avoid that possibility altogether."

" _But comfy_ ," Clarke whined.

Lexa rolled her eyes with a loving smile. "Alright. Five more minutes."

Clarke's pleased smile at her acquiescence made the threat of a messy cleanup worth it.

* * *

 

The messy cleanup came less than a week later.

Less than a week later, when Clarke's water broke while she was standing in the kitchen, arms wrapped around Lexa as her wife made breakfast for them.

(Lexa may have been slightly grossed out by the situation, but she was able to push that aside for more important matters.)

"Holy shit, is that what I think it is?" Lexa asked, staring slack-jawed at Clarke and pointing down at the wet spot that was growing on her pajama bottoms.

Clarke looked down as well, just as shocked. "Well I certainly didn't just pee myself."

"Holy shit."

"Holy shit."

Lexa looked up at Clarke's face to find her still staring down in shock. And then she seemed to shake out of her own shock and launched out of the kitchen. "Get your shoes on. Can you get your shoes on, Clarke? Or should I just carry you down. The baby bag is all packed so let me grab that. Shit, I need to call your mom. And Raven and O. And Anya. Shit, shit, shit. Do you think a group text will do? Where are our shoes, Clarke?" Lexa jabbered out, running frantically around the apartment. Which just got Gus up and chasing her, thinking it was a game.

Clarke waddled out into the living room and grabbed Lexa's arm as she zoomed past her again. "Calm down. Get the bag. Our shoes are by the door. I can make it down to the car."

"Are you sure?" Lexa asked, eyes frantic as she looked over Clarke. "Holy shit. We're about to be parents. Shit. I'm not ready, Clarke."

Clarke chuckled softly, wincing as a jolt of pain went through her abdomen. "Well, better get ready, Commander. You're about to be a momma."

Lexa looked down at Clarke's stomach before looking back up to meet Clarke's eyes, her own still just as frantic and terrified.

Clarke leaned forward, kissing Lexa gently on her lips. "We're going to be okay. But I really need you to get the bag and get our shoes so we can go. Can you do that, love?"

With a nervous gulp and a shaky nod, Lexa turned to get the baby bag out of their bedroom. And then she ran back out to get their shoes by the front door. "Sit down, Clarke. You shouldn't be standing, should you?"

"I'm fine, Lex." She sat down anyway, allowing Lexa to help get her shoes on for her. "Thank you, baby."

"Baby. Shit. We're about to have a baby."

"That _is_ what the last nine months have been leading up to, you know?"

Lexa took a calming breath, still kneeling down in front of Clarke. When she looked up, her gaze was steady and heartwarmingly loving. "We're going to have this baby, and we're going to love the shit out of him or her."

"Yes we are." Clarke agreed with a little smile. She reached forward as best she could to cup Lexa's cheek. "And we'll screw him or her up together."

That brought out Clarke's favorite laugh.

And then Lexa was standing and helping Clarke stand up, both of them with shoes on and ready to go. Lexa threw the baby bag over her shoulder and grabbed the car keys before bracing her arm around Clarke's back and holding her forearm to give her as much support as possible. "You ready for this, love?"

"Let's do it."

* * *

 

Fourteen hours and a lot of screaming later, Jacob Alexander Griffin-Woods was brought into the world.

Lexa took him from the doctor with shaking hands, tears already blurring her vision. "My god, Clarke. He's beautiful. He's perfect." She walked over to Clarke, cradling their son in her arms.

Clarke barely lifted her arms, and Lexa placed little Jake on Clarke's chest. Clarke cradled him there, staring down at him in wonder.

"You did amazing, love. I'm amazed by you," Lexa whispered, brushing Clarke's sweaty bangs away from her face and kissing her forehead. She climbed into the bed with Clarke, careful to not disturb her wife or son, and wrapped her arm around Clarke. Reaching out, she took Jake’s little hand in her own and let him wrap his tiny fingers around her pinky. "He's so small."

"Didn't feel like it a few minutes ago," Clarke whispered out, her voice course from her screaming earlier.

"He's perfect, Clarke. _You're_ perfect. God, we're _moms_."

Clarke tilted her head up imperceptibly, nudging the side of Lexa's head gently. Lexa leaned in and gave her a grateful kiss.

"Thank you for making me a mom. I love you so much, Clarke."

Clarke smiled weakly up at her, her energy drained. "I love you, too."

"Should I go get your mom?" Lexa asked quietly after a few moments of silence. Jake gurgled against Clarke, his little fist gripping onto Clarke's hospital gown. Lexa couldn't force the smile off of her face if she tried (not that she wanted to in the slightest. This was the happiest moment of her life. The love of her life had just given her a son, and she could hardly believe it, but she was a _mom_ ).

Clarke shook her head, staring down at their son adoringly. "Not yet. Can it just be us for a little while longer?"

"Whatever you want, Clarke," Lexa said, pressing her forehead into the side of Clarke's head. She breathed in her wife, looking down to take in their son. And, just as her eyes settled on his tiny face, his eyes opened and blue met green.

And the earth seemed to shake as everything fell into place.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, gentlepeople. That’s it. That’s the end of this crazy ride that started out as a challenge to see how many cliche things I could fit into a story. I never imagined that TDDSINTH would form from that. But I’m not upset in the slightest about it. This has been an amazing experience, and I want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for hanging in there with me.
> 
> Also, shout out to my bff who got me to write this in the first place. You’re the real champion here. (She’s also the one that created the cover art that’s at the beginning of Chapter 1 - if you haven’t checked it out yet, get your butts in gear and go give it a look).
> 
> There’s going to be one more update after this that’s going to include a song list of every chapter title and a link to a Spotify playlist that has all but a few in it (because Spotify isn’t a complete list of all music ever. Who knew?)
> 
> Thank you again for sticking this out with me. Every comment, every kudos, and every view has meant so much to me. I love you all.
> 
> Comments/Kudos are loved as always, even though this is the end. And you can definitely come find me on tumblr @musiclurv to find out more updates on the next story (or possible one-shots for this one) or just chill with me.
> 
> See you again in “The Starkeepers Guide to Love and Soccer.”


	69. TDDSiNTH Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter, but still important to the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is a list of every song that I pulled lyrics from to title each of my chapters. I tried to find all of them on Spotify to create a playlist for y’all too, but there are three titles missing. They’re still in the list, though (in bold), and are definitely worth checking out.
> 
> Thanks again for sticking this out with me, and I hope you love the music as much as you loved the story.

  1. Jump Rope (Blue October)
  2. Demons (Imagine Dragons)
  3. Stomach (Ed Sheeran)
  4. Your the Cream in My Coffee (Annette Hanshaw)
  5. With a Little Help From My Friends (The Beatles)
  6. Radiate (Jack Johnson)
  7. Force of Nature (Bae Miller)
  8. This Side of Paradise (Hayley Kiyoko)
  9. Shake me Up (The Mowgli's)
  10. Know Your Name (Mary Lambert)
  11. **Chemistry (One Night Only)**
  12. You Picked Me (A Fine Frenzy)
  13. The Best is Yet to Come (Frank Sinatra)
  14. I Do Adore (Mindy Gledhill)
  15. Sunburn (Owl City)
  16. Hands Down (Dashboard Confessional)
  17. Scene One - James Dean & Audrey Hepburn (Sleeping With Sirens)
  18. Renegades (X Ambassadors)
  19. Count on Me (Bruno Mars)
  20. Falling Slowly (Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova)
  21. Bloom (The Paper Kites)
  22. King and Lionheart (Of Monsters and Men)
  23. Winter Winds (Mumford and Sons)
  24. Gone, Gone, Gone (Phillip Phillips)
  25. So Much Love (The Rocket Summer)
  26. Best Day of My Life (American Authors)
  27. Baby Blue Eyes (A Rocket to the Moon)
  28. Happy (NeverShoutNever)
  29. Hallelujah (Paramore)
  30. **Count the Breaths (Brightside Drive)**
  31. I Won't Give Up (Jason Mraz)
  32. Work This Body (Walk the Moon)
  33. Sofa (Ed Sheeran)
  34. Tear in My Heart (Twenty-One Pilots)
  35. Star Hopping (A Firm Handshake)
  36. We Won't Run (Soles)
  37. New York (Ed Sheeran)
  38. Safe and Sound (Capital Cities)
  39. She Takes Me High (We The Kings)
  40. Saturn (Sleeping At Last)
  41. The Cave (Mumford and Sons)
  42. Lay it All On Me (Ed Sheeran)
  43. Stronger Than You know [Live] (Soles)
  44. Make Out (Julia Nunes)
  45. More Than Life (Whitley)
  46. Rooftops and Invitations (Dashboard Confessional)
  47. **All I Want is You (Tristan Prettyman)**
  48. Colors (The Rocket Summer)
  49. She Looks So Perfect (5 Seconds of Summer)
  50. I Will Wait (Mumford and Sons)
  51. Marry Me (Train)
  52. 1, 2, 3, 4 (Plain White T's)
  53. Fire and the Flood (Vance Joy)
  54. Hopeless Wanderer (Mumford and Sons)
  55. Happy Home (Lukas Graham)
  56. Banana Pancakes (Jack Johnson)
  57. I Choose You (Sara Bareilles)
  58. Promise the Stars (We The Kings)
  59. Superman (Joe Brooks)
  60. Blue Eyed Girl (The Arcadian Wild)
  61. Still Into You (Paramore)
  62. Daughter (Sleeping at Last)
  63. Tenerife Sea (Ed Sheeran)
  64. Lights in the City (The National Parks)
  65. Porcelain Skin (Captain Dipper & the Strawberry Girl)
  66. Can You Hold Me (NF)
  67. Too Marvelous for Words (Ella Fitzgerald)
  68. The Future (The National Parks)



Link to Spotify Playlist: Click [Here](https://open.spotify.com/user/1283737696/playlist/5E72T4DkiBKy9O1duUAGru?si=SxCBTpA7T_WBn-ABcXf-5Q) or

https://open.spotify.com/user/1283737696/playlist/5E72T4DkiBKy9O1duUAGru?si=SxCBTpA7T_WBn-ABcXf-5Q

 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!! Stay nerdy.


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